Chapter Text
“I can do it myself, Qiao Ling! Guang-guang, save me!~”
Lu Guang sipped his coffee, letting the bitter taste coat his taste buds. Cheng Xiaoshi was seated on a stool in the washroom with Qiao Ling aggressively combing back his hair.
“No, you can’t! Your hair is such a mess, Xiaoshi!” She tsk’ed, pulling his head back. “Do you even use the curl cream I gave you?! Clearly not…”
“You’re fine.” Lu Gaung let out a huff, pressing the cup of coffee to his lips again. Qiao Ling had convinced them to go to a popular botanical garden (on her dime, of course). There were restaurants all around and it was a prime photo taking area, so Qiao Ling has asked them to dress nicely.
Of course, Cheng Xiaoshi’s idea of dressing nice was a t-shirt, jeans, and one of his better sweaters. Qiao Ling was wearing a red qipao with her hair pinned up, and Lu Guang was wearing a navy blue suit. He did have to admit it was a bit unnecessary, especially since all they were doing was walking through a garden and having dinner, but he didn’t mind indulging Qiao Ling.
“Do I have to wear this?” Cheng Xiaoshi whined, looking in the mirror. It was a simple, black suit with a white button-up underneath. His hair was pulled back into its his usual style, but his curls were more defined and his hair had a bit more shine to it.
“Yes, Cheng Xiaoshi, you have to! And if you keep complaining, I’ll make you wear the bow tie!” Qiao Ling crossed her arms, giving him a glare.
Cheng Xiaoshi groaned.
Lu Guang hid his smile behind his mug.
─── ⋆⋅ ☾ ⋅⋆ ───
It was early in April, the cherry blossom trees above in full bloom. The air was fresh with the scents of flowers and water wafting through the air.
Cheng Xiaoshi was crouched down, expression focused as he was photographing a vibrant honeysuckle bush at the base of one of the cherry blossom trees. His lip was bit in concentration as he angled the camera.
The sunlight made his eyes glimmer and skin shine. The cherry blossoms fell around him, trapping him in a circle of delicate pink. He got up to checking the photos he’d taken, his eyes shining one once more as clicked through them pictures.
“What’re you staring at?” Qiao Ling said, startling Lu Guang. He felt his face flush and he quickly looked away.
“The flowers; what more is there to look at?” Lu Guang huffed, and Qiao Ling giggled with a knowing smirk.
“Whatever you say, Lu Guang.”
─── ⋆⋅ ☾ ⋅⋆ ───
“We still have an hour or so to kill before our restaurant reservation,” Qiao Ling chimed in as they left the garden, straightening her qipao. “There’s a meadow nearby. I heard it’s a good photo spot.” She looked towards the both of them for confirmation.
“Well, I don’t see why not.” Cheng Xiaoshi grinned, probably at the prospect of getting to photograph more. “What do you think, Lu Guang?”
“Let’s go.” He said simply.
─── ⋆⋅ ☾ ⋅⋆ ───
The meadow was a flurry of camera shutters and flower petals. The sun was low on the horizon, bathing them all in a golden light. Lu Guang saw Cheng Xiaoshi jogging towards him in the corner of his eye.
“Lu Guang, I have an idea!” He was grinning from ear to ear, and it made Lu Guang’s gaze soften. “Can I take some pictures of you? P-”
“No.” Lu Guang looked away, huffing.
“At least hear me out!”
“Absolutely not.”
“Please?~” Cheng Xiaoshi pleaded.
Lu Guang looked back at Cheng Xiaoshi;, it was a mistake. He had the most convincing puppy dog eyes Lu Guang has ever seen. He sighed, feeling his resolve crumbling. Seriously, how could someone be that cute?
“Fine.” He crossed his arms. “What do you want me to do?”
─── ⋆⋅ ☾ ⋅⋆ ───
And that was how he ended up laying down in the middle of a meadow, grass in his mouth, with Cheng Xiaoshi photographing him and Qiao Ling watching with an amused look on her face.
“Okay, now put the leg farthest from the camera up, like you're laying sideways on the couch.”
“Oddly specific…” Lu Guang mumbled, but obeyed anyway.
“Okay, now rest your head on your hand.” Lu Guang did as he was told and Cheng Xiaoshi grinned, crouching down and angling his camera.
“You look like you’re in a perfume commercial,.” Qiao Ling chuckled, putting her hands on her hips,. “But aren’t the flowers tickling your nose?”
Yes. Yes, they were. The sun was getting in his eyes, the grass was surprisingly sharp, and the flowers made him hold back more than a few sneezes.
But he forgot it all every time he looked at the grin on Cheng Xiaoshi’s face. After all, it was better than seeing him wincing in a pool of his own blood.
Lu Guang blinked. The thoughts always crept up on him when he least expected it. Not one good moment could be spent without him being worried, without him being stressed, and without him in a spiral of guilt.
If Cheng Xiaoshi knew---, if Qiao Ling knew---, they would hate him, wouldn’t they? They would hate him for lying to them, hate him for being a hypocrite, hate him fo-
“Something’s missing…” Cheng Xiaoshi said, distracting Lu Guang from his thoughts. Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling were both peering at the camera, scanninglooking through the photos.
“Yeah, I think so too, but I’m not sure what,.” Qiao Ling hummed. Cheng Xiaoshi whispered something to Qiao Ling, and she nodded vigorously in agreement. Lu Guang eyed them both with suspicion---, they were up to something.
Lu Guang blinked, and Cheng Xiaoshi began walking towards him.
“What’re you-”
Cheng Xiaoshi picked a small bunch of forget-me-nots and placed them behind Lu Guang’s hair. His hand was soft and warm, and his eyes were focused. His eyes were that focused on Lu Guang.
He felt himself turn away, letting out a huff. Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes flickered with something he couldn’t identify.
“Sorry, you can take them out if you want-”
“Idiot…” Lu Guang tsk’ed, but he didn’t move to take the flowers out of his hair.
─── ⋆⋅ ☾ ⋅⋆ ───
“So many options…” Cheng Xiaoshi mumbled, glancing over the menu. Qiao Ling grinned.
The restaurant was one of those restaurants with the fancy chandeliers and candles. They sat in a booth, Qiao Ling on one side and Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi on the other. Lu Guang was sitting on the right and Cheng Xiaoshi was on the left, closer to the wall.
The air wafted with the smell of savory dishes, pastries, and the scent of old money oozing off the walls.
“I know, right? It’s expensive, too. The drama I was watching was running this promotional thing where they gave out coupons and vouchers if you entered the code.” She grinned. “They even have special promotional dishes.”
Lu Guang looked over the menu. Out of the three of them, she was definitely the more considerate one when it came to things like these.
“Regardless, thank you for taking us out, Qiao Ling-jie.” Lu Guang bowed slightly in appreciation and Qiao Ling smiled.
“It’s not a problem, Lu Guang, but at least you have the manners to say thank you.” She threw a pointed look at Cheng Xiaoshi, huffing. “You know how much planning it took just to drag you both out the house?! And you didn’t even express your appreciation for your amazing big sister.”
“Hey! I said thanks! I think…” Cheng Xiaoshi huffed, crossing his arms. “But I’ll say it again, I guess. Thanks, landlady, for dragging us out the house…”
Lu Guang lightly smacked Cheng Xiaoshi’s arm. “Properly.”
“Ow, such a meanie, Guang Guang!~ See, Qiao Ling, he’s not as polite as he seems!” Cheng Xiaoshi rubbed the spot where he was hit. “But fine. Thank you for taking us out, Qiao Ling.”
She nodded. “That’s more like it.”
As the waiter came over to take their orders and left, and his Lu Guang’s gaze was drawn back to Cheng Xiaoshi. He still hadn’t taken the flowers out of his hair, reasoning that he would just take them out at home instead of making a mess of them in the restaurant. He was acutely aware of them brushing against his skin every time he moved his head, and touching his fingers when he combed a hand through his hair.
He rested his head on his hand and focused on Cheng XiIaoshi again, the glow of the candlelight leaving soft shadows on his skin. His face was twisted in playful annoyance, a shit-eating grin on his face as he bickered with Qiao Ling.
Lu Guang wished he could stay like this and simply be with Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling forever. Hearing them bicker, watching trashy dramas with Qiao Ling, letting Cheng Xiaoshi talk his ear off about photography. He was delaying the inevitable, was he not? But was it really inevitable? He had to try, he was trying. He would dive back again and again, as long as there was a chance, a sliver of hope Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling could live in at least one timeline, he would try.
“-uang! Earth to Lu Guang?” Cheng Xiaoshi was waving his hand in front of Lu Guang’s face. He hadn’t even realized he zoned out. He straightened his posture.
“Yeah?” He glanced over at Qiao Ling---, she had the most mischievous grin on her face. He tsk’ed, focusing back on Cheng Xiaoshi.
“If dogs could fly, do you think they’d play basketball in the air?”
This idiot... He couldn't help but smile.
─── ⋆⋅ ☾ ⋅⋆ ───
“Yes, I’m fine, Cheng Xiaoshi.” Qiao Ling crossed her arms, standing in the doorway of the photo studio.
“Are you sure, Qiao Ling? We wouldn’t mind walking you to your apartment.” Lu Guang chimed in. Qiao Ling was self-sufficient, but sometimes it worried him.
“Yes, I’m sure. It’s less than a 10 minute walk from here, I’ll be fine. I’ll text you both when I get home.” Cheng Xiaoshi audibly let out a breath of relief.
“Fine, but-” Cheng Xiaoshi started.
“No buts! I’ll be fine.” Qiao Ling closed the door in their faces, and Cheng Xiaoshi sighed, turning to Lu Guang.
“I just worry for her sometimes, you know?” He leaned against the wall.
“I do too,” Lu Guang hummed, “But I trust her, have a bit more faith in Qiao Ling; she isn’t weak.”
“I know that! But... Ugh… I’m gonna go get a snack, want something?” Lu Guang shook his head and made his way to the sunroom.
He stripped off his suit jacket and put it on the table, lying down. He gazed up at the stars. Today was nice…
The stars glittered, spread out in the dark sky. If only for a moment, Lu Guang felt at peace. He was with the people he loved, and that was all that mattered, was it not? He let out a small sigh.
Out of all the stars, one was shining the brightest. It was roughly in the middle and it seemed as though all the other stars were dancing around it. He let out a hum, if Cheng Xiaoshi was a star, that would be him.
Lu Guang wondered what it would be like to be a star. To be in the infinite vacuum of space, shining for all to see, guiding others simply by being where you were. Though, to be a star, you must burn. Had Lu Guang burned enough?
It was more fitting for him to be a black hole, he supposed. Ever consuming, always having a need for more, more, more; To warp space time so dramatically nothing could escape, no matter how hard it tried. Selfish, taking up everything around itself, until nothing was left.
Lu Guang stargazed for a few more minutes before sitting up and running a hand through his hair. A soft breeze cooled his face, Cheng Xiaoshi must've opened a window.
He took his phone out of his pocket and turned it on, freezing. September 12th? That couldn’t be right. It couldn’t. He scrambled off the couch, running to the front. It couldn’t be… He wouldn’t have forgotten. He wouldn’t have lost track. Lu Guang’s mind was scrambling, heart racing.
BANG.
“Cheng Xiaoshi-!!-”
Lu Guang’s eyes widened. Vein was already standing there, and Cheng Xiaoshi was already on the ground.
“Still haven’t learned your lesson, have you, Lu Guang?” Vein tilted his head, gun in hand. He disappeared, somehow, but Lu Guang didn’t care. He rushed to Cheng Xiaoshi’s side, vision blurring with panic.
“Xiaoshi! Cheng Xiaoshi!” He shook him frantically, something hot running down his face. He couldn’t see- He couldn’t breathe. He saw a blur of blue land in the sticky pool of blood he was kneeling in.
He wiped his eyes, watching the petals soak up Xiaoshi’s blood. He couldn’t- He didn’t understand-
He let out a sob, grasping the stained bunch of flowers. His hands were dripping in Cheng Xiaoshi’s blood, his tears falling onto Cheng Xiaoshi’s dead body. Trembling, he held Cheng Xiaoshi’s cold? hand and brought it up to his face.
Everything he heard felt like it was underwater. All he could do was grasp his hand and sob. Why was he like this? Why did he never manage to save him? Why did he forget? Why, why, why-
“Lu Guang…?”
He could’ve sworn he heard someone call out his name. His mind was becoming deluded, thoughts spiraling. His ears were red hot, face wet, knees in the mess of Cheng Xiaoshi’s blood-
“Lu Guang!”
There it was again. He really was that far gone now, huh? He tightened his grip on Cheng Xiaoshi’s hand, the other moving to caress his hair. He ran his hands through it. Silky, soft, smooth, until you got to the blood matted edges-
“Lu Guang!”
Wait a minute-
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
Cheng Xiaoshi rummaged through the pantry. Aw man, they ran out of the good chips and he forgot to ask Lu Guang to buy new ones. He supposed the mediocre ones would do…
He trotted to the sunroom, looking at Lu Guang. That couldn’t be right, he was… Asleep?! This was a miracle! Lu Guang barely ever slept, and the sleep he did get was through spontaneous naps and the few hours he slept every night. He was convinced Lu Guang had some form of insomnia, but he rarely went to the doctors.
Always lecturing Cheng Xiaoshi and forgetting to take care of himself. Cheng Xiaoshi rolled his eyes and sat carefully on the couch to not wake Lu Guang. With surgical precision, he made sure the bag wouldn’t crinkle too much. Lu Guang was a crazy light sleeper, after all.
He took a singular chip out of the bag and it crackled. He huffed, he swore these chip bags weren’t this loud before.
Defeated, Cheng Xiaoshi put the chip bag on the table and carefully chewed the chip. Since when was chewing so loud? He eyed Lu Guang carefully, trying to make sure he wouldn’t stir with Cheng Xiaoshi’s racket.
He pulled out his phone, going to his camera roll. He had already converted his favourite photos from the garden and meadow onto his phone. He clicked on one of them:
It was Lu Guang laying down in the meadow with the flowers in his hair. When he took the photo, it was golden hour, illuminating Lu Guang’s face and casting soft shadows.
He had the previous photos, too; the ones without the flowers, but the blue petals were a nice touch. They made Lu Guang look... Softer, in a way.
He looked at peace; it was nice. Lu Guang was always so stressed out nowadays.
Come to think of it---, Lu Guang still had the flowers in his hair. He said he would take them out when they got to the studio, but he guessed Lu Guang was tired. Well, clearly, if he managed to fall asleep.
Cheng Xiaoshi’s phone dinged with a notification from Qiao Ling.
qiao qiao: made it home just fine 😛
He let out a sigh of relief. He knew Qiao Ling was capable, but the reassurance still eased his mind. He didn’t want anything to happen to herQiao Ling, especially not after that diving fiasco. He reacted to the message with a thumbs up emoji.
He grinned, looking back to his phone.
u won’t believe this :xiaoshii
Cheng Xiaoshi went to his camera app and took a picture of Lu Guang sleeping all peacefully. He snickered, sending it to Qiao Ling.
[image attached] :xiaoshii
HE’S SLEEPING :xiaoshii
qiao qiao: OH MY GOD??? NO WAY
qiao qiao: AHAHAHAHAH
Cheng Xiaoshi chuckled at Qiao Ling’s response. It really was shocking. He looked over at Lu Guang. The moonlight fell on his face, illuminating it in a soft glow. Cheng Xiaoshi sighed contentedly, putting his phone away and stretching.
He yawned, gaze flicking over at Lu Guang again. His brows were drawn together as if he was worried, odd… Cheng Xiaoshi leaned closer.
Lu Guang rolled over, mumbling something. Cheng Xiaoshi raised an eyebrow, what had gotten him so wound up?
“Lu Guang…?” He called out softly. Was he having a nightmare? Cheng Xiaoshi frowned.
“Lu Guang!” He called out a bit louder. Lu Guang’s breath came out in jagged bursts---, Cheng Xiaoshi bit his lip in worry. He tentatively grabbed Lu Guang’s shoulder, gently shaking him.
“Lu Guang!” Cheng Xiaoshi called out, this time more urgently. Lu Guang’s eyes shot wide open. “Lu Guang, a-are you alright?” He was shaking, why was he shaking? “Hey, hey…”
Lu Guang sat up, staring at Cheng Xiaoshi. The flowers fell from his hair and he stared at them, slowly picking them up and twisting them around in his hand. His gaze landed back on Cheng Xiaoshi.
“Xiaoshi?” Lu Guang called out, almost… Hesitantly? It was strange. Cheng Xiaoshi scooted closer.
“Yeah? Are you alright, did you have a nightmare?” Lu Guang didn’t look like himself. He looked scared, and surprisingly small. This wasn't the first time Cheng Xiaoshi had seen Lu Guang have a nightmare, but it still worried him every time.
“I-I’m fine… Thank you.” Lu Guang cleared his throat, collecting himself. Cheng Xiaoshi raised an eyebrow skceptically. There was no way Lu Guang was ‘fine’. He was just shaking and looking like he was going to cry---, what did he mean, fine?
“Are you sure? You know you can talk to us, right, Lu Guang?” Lu Guang looked at Cheng Xiaoshi with something he couldn’t identify in his eyes. Why didn’t he trust Cheng Xiaoshi enough to confide in him? He frowned;, he just wished that Lu Guang would talk to him. He barely ever did. He always acted indifferent to most things, but the facade was getting weaker--- and not to mention Cheng Xiaoshi had seen through it since the beginning.
“I’m sure, Cheng Xiaoshi. I appreciate it, though.” Lu Guang took a deep breath and got up, grabbing his coat off of the coffee table. Cheng Xiaoshi grimacedfrowned as Lu Guang walked away---, why did he always have to detach himself from them? Could he not see that Cheng Xiaoshi cared about him?
Cheng Xiaoshi sat there for a moment before grabbing the bag of chips and going to get himself ready for bed.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
He looked at himself in the mirror. Insane. That’s what he looked like, insane.
Qiao Ling swore by these face masks, but he wasn’t convinced. He just looked like a ghost that came out of a horror movie.
Then again, Cheng Xiaoshi wasn’t convinced by the curl cream until Qiao Ling had used it properly on him. He took out the elastic from his hair and shook it, letting it loose. It was still so curly and shiny. Usually it would be pretty frizzled by now;, he should probably incorporate it into his routine.
He shoved on his pajama pants as his thoughts drifted back to Lu Guang. He wondered if he was actually happy here, happy with them. Is this where he even wanted to be? Is this what he wanted to be doing with his life? Lu Guang was always so quiet and…… And secretive.
It was obvious. He was hiding something, Cheng Xiaoshi just didn’t know what. He was quiet, quieter than usual, more stressed than normal, drinking a lot more coffee than he usually did… It worried him. It worried him and Qiao Ling, but Lu Guang wouldn’t talk to them.
Cheng Xiaoshi began peeling off the face mask. He blinked once, then twice. Shiny. His skin was really shiny. Yeah, this was going into the routine too. Sure, he might not be able to afford all this, but Qiao Ling didn’t mind the occasional stolen face mask… Right?
─── ⋆⋅ ☾ ⋅⋆ ───
Lu Guang’s eyes shot open. He was heaving, his vision was blurry. In front of him, he saw Cheng Xiaoshi, but that wasn’t right---, Cheng Xiaoshi was dead. Qiao Ling was dead. His friends were dead. They were always dead-
“Are you alright?”
Lu Guang blinked a few times to orient himself and clear his vision. Cheng Xiaoshi was in front of him. Most importantly, he was alive. Lu Guang sat up, flowers falling from his hair. With a shaky hand, he picked them up.
No blood. They were clean, just as they were before. Lu Guang took a deep, steadying breath. It was just a nightmare. Granted, it was one of the more intense nightmares that he’d been having, but it was still just a nightmare.
Slowly, Lu Guang looked up at the boy in front of him once more. “Xiaoshi?” he called out. He didn’t know why, but he needed to hear his voice again. Just to make sure.
“Yeah? Are you alright, did you have a nightmare?” Cheng Xiaoshi’s voice soothed Lu Guang’s frayed nerves. He slowly let out a breath.
Cheng Xiaoshi is here, and he is alive. Lu Guang repeated the mantra in his head a few times before making eye contact with Cheng Xiaoshi. His eyes were full of worry. He made Cheng Xiaoshi worry. He shoved the thought down for later.
“I-I’m fine… Thank you…” Lu Guang choked out, embarrassed. He glanced back at Cheng Xiaoshi, who was studying him like a hawk.
“Are you sure? You know you can talk to us, right, Lu Guang?” Cheng Xiaoshi’s voice was full of worry. Worry. Lu Guang hated it, he didn’t want to make his friends worry. He was enough of a burden as it was, it didn’t need to be worse.
He cleared his throat. “I’m sure, Cheng Xiaoshi. I appreciate it, though.” Lu Guang took another breath before getting up, grabbing his coat, and going to their shared bedroom. He couldn’t bear to look at Cheng Xiaoshi’s distressed face any longer.
─── ⋆⋅ ☾ ⋅⋆ ───
Lu Guang stripped off his dress clothes, exchanging them for a loose t-shirt and pants. He carefully folded the clothing and put them back in the closet. He climbed to the top bunk and carefully pulled up his covers.
He had made Cheng Xiaoshi worry. Cheng Xiaoshi had enough on his plate as it was, he didn’t need to make him worry any more. Lu Guang knew he would be better off without him, but Lu Guang was selfish. He wanted to take, take, take. That was what had gotten him into this mess in the first place. That’s why he made such a grave decision and sinned. He didn’t need Cheng Xiaoshi to see his sins, he didn’t need to be more of a burden.
So what if Lu Guang has a nightmare? Why did Cheng Xiaoshi care so much? He would be better off without Lu Guang, after all. It made Lu Guang's head hurt, why was Cheng Xiaoshi so kind?
It was what drew Lu Guang towards him every time. But again, Cheng Xiaoshi was the brightest star, and Lu Guang was a black hole.
Lu Guang would make it up to Cheng Xiaoshi somehow, in some way:. He could have the studio open a bit longer with him running the counter so Cheng Xiaoshi would relax;. He could take up dinner duty for a few weeks, and he could go through and organize Cheng Xiaoshi’s closet again.
He would show Cheng Xiaoshi that he really was fine, and that he didn’t need to worry--- Neither did Qiao Ling.
With that very thought on his mind, Lu Guang drifted into a restless sleep.
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
Cheng Xiaoshi entered their bedroom, stretching. Lu Guang was already asleep. Cheng Xiaoshi was hoping he would have a bit more time to talk to Lu Guang, he seemed pretty rattled.
He sighed---, Lu Guang was becoming more distant lately, and it wasn’t just him that noticed. Qiao Ling noticed, too, and even Xu Shanshan, and she didn’t even come over that often!
Cheng Xiaoshi climbed into the bottom bunk, frame squeaking. He aggressively pulled up the covers and huffed. Really, what was with Lu Guang? He always put up a front, sure, but it was getting to a point.
He pulled out his phone, texting Qiao Ling. She would help him, he was sure. Afterall, Qiao Ling cared about Lu Guang, too (obviously). They would hatch a plan together. Qiao Ling was good with this kind of stuff, she attributed it to the dramas she watched.
Cheng Xiaoshi could agree with that part. Qiao Ling watched crazy dramas, and they really made you think sometimes. Like, there was one where the murderer actually forged evidence pointing to herself so they could say it was th-
Cheng Xiaoshi shook his head. Not the topic, Xiaoshi.
Something was going on with Lu Guang, and Cheng Xiaoshi was determined to figure it out.