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The aftermath of a war was never kind to anyone who got into the conflict, regardless of the winner.
The Fairy Tail members were no exception to this rule. A little over a week after the conflict had settled down, the situation in the hall was, for an outsider, pretty much the same. Chaotic, rambunctious, and noisy. However, those who have been around for far too long knew that it was just a facade, a masquerade, a recreation of reality.
Truth to be told, all of them were pretending, and everyone knew. It had been an unsaid rule after everything. Fake it till you make it.
It would show in the ways Gray stripped less than usual, how Wendy alongside Erza didn’t eat as many sweets as they normally would, how the air surrounding Laxus was consistently electric, so tense that one’s skin would jolt just by walking in a perimeter of 5 feet. Heck, even Elfman had stopped saying the “manly” shenanigans altogether- and don’t me wrong, but as annoying as they were, not having him screech them for half of Magnolia to hear is a huge loss to the mood.
Old Makarov got the names wrong; Mira would occasionally mix people’s orders despite having a record of never misremembering anything in the years she’s served as the barista. Juvia had stopped insisting on getting Gray’s attention- well, at least not out loud. She sought comfort from him but in the quieter, subtler ways. “Small”, almost insignificant details to a foreign mind to the big family, accumulated until it was unbearable for everyone around.
However, if there was one thing that members, and outsiders alike could agree on, it had to be Natsu’s absence.
In the 7 days that had gone by since Acnologia’s defeat, Natsu had failed to show up even once in the hall- heck, Magnolia itself. Had he disappeared from the region to go train for a year while not even bothering to warn anyone? This would be a project Natsu could execute, but would also be Lucy’s biggest nightmare.
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She’d had enough of waiting. Enough of it all. It didn’t matter that the atmosphere felt sick in the guild anymore. No one’s heard about Natsu in literal days, and no one’s seen Happy either. She couldn’t stay passive anymore.
Carefully, the blonde left the hall with determination, but also a feeling of dread coursing through her veins on the way to his house. She didn’t know why, but her guts were screaming at her to keep walking faster and faster without looking back on Magnolia. The celestial mage couldn’t explain it, but it was as if her mind knew that she had to hurry before- before what? Yes, before what actually?
It wasn’t like he was endangered or anything, right? He had defeated Acnologia- yes, with the help of all of the mages of the continent and the power of 6 dragon slayers, including his own- but he was the one who struck the final blow to their opponent anyway. Natsu was strong, and he could hold himself together. At least that’s what she convinced herself to believe, too afraid to confront some lingering thoughts she’d had on rougher nights about his mental health and well-being.
So why did she feel this way? She pretended to chalk it up to excitement. Yes, she was only excited to see her dearest friend after such tragic events and was simply afraid of what she was going to tell him.
Truthfully, her worry made her almost jog, then sprint to his house without her noticing until she was panting in the forest and her body was begging her to stop to catch her breath. It was supposed to be invigorating; however, it only intensified the fear that nestled in her heart.
“Natsu, please don’t tell me you left again; I’m begging you.”
She didn’t have time to lose. She ran again, even when her lungs were aching, the blood in her legs pumped to irrational levels; she ran, she ran, and she ran through the woods with tears welling up in her eyes, because she knew that whatever would happen when she reached his house would be a turning point. In whatever scale you wanted it to be.
When she finally arrived, trembling, shaking and panting, her mind froze. Lucy just had to open the door to check on him. Yet her limbs refused to listen to the instructions her brain gave. Her conscious movements were paralysed by her anxiety, which rose to inhuman levels. The poor girl stood there in front of the house, with the sentiment that she was going to hate what she would witness inside of it. She couldn’t for sure tell that Natsu was there, but her guts told her that he had to be around. There was simply no way he could be somewhere else.
She fought against her body, putting all of her will to finally be able to move. It almost physically hurt to extend her arm towards the door handle, yet she kept going. She had no other choice.
Slowly, but surely, she pushed it down, letting the inside appear before her eyes like a camera roll.
She saw traces of blood on the walls, broken bottles of alcohol on the floor. And the smell, gosh, the smell- it was awful. One of the most stomach-twisting things her nose had the misfortune to encounter. How could Natsu, with such enhanced senses, even survive in this hellhole?
Well. She would regret thinking this altogether.
Happy had been curled up next to the roots, shaking up as he sobbed. She was about to call him to comfort him when-
…When Lucy looked up, her brown irises landed on the most terrible sight she’s ever had to see.
Her knees gave up on supporting her within milliseconds.
She crashed on the ground, the impact causing a violent thud. Tears left her eyes right after that, and then, her voice left her throat without her control in the biggest scream she’s ever let out in her entire existence.
“No t-this can’t be- no-
There, she saw his lifeless body, hung by the neck on the tree. He was battered and bruised, with pieces of glass piercing his skin.
“NATSU !!”
Lucy’s eyes snapped open.
She was panting again, but this time she was lying in her bed. Her skin was sticky from the sweat, her hair dishevelled, and her heart was pushing against her ribcage with awfully loud thumps.
A nightmare. It was just a nightmare- none of this was real- get it together Lucy!
For the last few days, the celestial mage had had nightmares about Natsu leaving again, and they progressively got worse and worse. To the point where she would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweat because she had witnessed a vision of his corp-
No. Natsu would never. He could-
What? What is it that Natsu could do? Handle it? Well. if he had, then he would’ve long since appeared in the guild hall or her apartment, both things he had failed to accomplish in the span of seven days. So he was not okay.
He was still alive and well physically; otherwise Happy would’ve said so, but how was he beneath the surface?
Bad, obviously. The Natsu I know would’ve shown up a long time ago.
She hadn’t been thinking of going to the guild today- well, how could she when it was the middle of the night anyway? Though she didn’t enjoy staying there as much anymore, it had felt so fake. Not as in that her family were hypocrites or anything; it felt forced. And Natsu really hadn’t shown up in 7 days. The only detail that was not real was that she had already seen Happy. Not in the guild, but he already slept at her apartment without his dragon slayer companion. When she asked him about his whereabouts, the blue cat gave an evasive answer.
Yes, she knew he was alive, but she hadn’t let herself check on him yet. Why?
I just… assumed he’d be fine and come like he always did…
That’s what Natsu always did; he came back and.. Just made everything great again. Why hadn’t he done that yet? She knew at the bottom of her heart that she should reach out to him for once; her nightmare just proved it. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to do it; she was too afraid. How could she fix the man who spent his life fixing everyone else?
How much of his own struggles was he hiding behind that smile of his? She liked to think that Natsu was a simple-minded person, and truthfully he was, but how much of it was a shell he created in order to protect himself from the others? Obviously it had to be that to some extent because no one would be wondering where he was.
Everyone appeared once, besides him, and that worried her to a point where even in her sleep, she’s haunted by images of him, dead because she failed to reach out to him in time.
Lucy sighed.
She wouldn’t let this become a reality. In the middle of the night or not, she got out of bed, dressed herself in her usual outfit, and walked towards his house, just like she dreamt of.
The stroll through the city and the forest at night was much less frantic than in her sleep, yet she was still afraid of the state she would find her friend in, so she walked quickly.
Wait for me, Natsu, I’m coming.
Lucy’s figure disappeared through the woods as those words crossed her mind.
When she re-emerged from the thick forest about 20 minutes later, she found herself standing in front of his house. Unlike her dream, she didn’t hesitate to knock and barge in. There was simply too much at stake.
She walked in. The interior of his house, usually messy, had- much to her surprise been clear. Though she didn’t feel the fiery aura of his magic, she picked up on the area. Well, as much as she could tell in the depth of the night. She nodded to herself; at least they learnt the lesson. The celestial mage resumed her quiet exploration when the silence got cut off by a noise, and not just any noise. Coming here, she had expected a sleeping, but here he was, awake.
“Lucy…?”
Happy’s exhausted voice resonated in her ears.
“Happy!”
Lucy shouted in a whisper as she crouched down to his level and picked him up, his head pressing against her bosom. The cat started crying.
“Lucy- I- I don’t know what’s going on with Natsu, okay? He’s just- I don’t know what’s wrong with him because he won’t tell me, and he’s been restless at night and he-“
Lucy cut him off by rubbing the fur at the back of his head and lulled him like an infant.
“I’m sorry, Happy. I should’ve come earlier. I shouldn’t have left you to handle this on your own. Rest assured that I’ll take care of Natsu, okay?”
Happy nodded against her chest. The exceed trusted Lucy.
“Do you know where he is?”
She felt him twitch.
“Near the lake. Please, Lucy, do something about it, I’ve been helpless. He doesn’t talk except good morning before leaving and not coming back. And at night he doesn’t sleep anymore. I’m begging you Lucy, bring him back.”
Her grip on him tightened.
“Understood.”
She crouched to let him paddle on the floor.
“You stay here, Happy. Okay? Get some rest. I’ll take care of him; I promised it to you.”
Lucy had a gentle smile when those words came out of her mouth.
“You go to bed.”
Happy nodded.
“Okay. I trust you, Lucy.”
Her heart warmed when he said that. Despite having known each other for so long, she still longed for any of her teammates stating the trust they have for her out loud.
“Goodnight, Happy.”
“Good luck, Lucy.”
The celestial mage took her leave once she made sure to hear Happy’s little snores, too afraid for him to stay on his own in this state awake. Perhaps sleep was gentler on him, and it seemed to be since his breathing was even when she closed the door with quiet care.
She headed to where her dragon slayer friend supposedly was, and felt his magic- however, something was off about it. Very off. It was still the feeling of a fire, but its intensity ramped up by at least three octaves. Before it was small, comforting, and now- his magic was... intense, destructive, yet... pleasing, begging for help.
Hang on, Natsu, I’m almost here.
She ran to where she supposed the sudden burst of energy came from- and here he was.
Natsu Dragneel.
Lucy could only see his back, yet it looked miserable. All of the bandages he had around his body, the scars, the bruises, the quivering. He was sitting in the edge of the lake- it looked like he was sobbing, and had been for a while.
Her legs didn’t obey her. She ran in his direction while yelling his name, her own eyes welling up with tears.
“Natsu!”
Her arms wrapped around his body. It was usually so strong, but now he felt as fragile as a piece of glass. He took a sharp breath. He hadn’t noticed her presence nor her smell. This is how she knew the situation was that bad.
“…Lucy..?”
His voice... It was so weak. Nothing like the assured, joyful, smug tones it usually had. It was the voice of someone whose scars reopened while new ones were carved like wood by a carpenter. He relaxed in her embrace, though. Too tired to try and pretend as he’d always do. He let her in, for once.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come before.”
Poor Lucy, she did her best to keep her voice steady, to stay strong for the both of them, but it cracked as she broke into tears as well.
“Please, let me be here for you again.”
Since joining Fairy Tail, Natsu had only not been there when he was too much of a mess to stay around, after Tartaros, when he mourned the death of his father by leaving for a year. In hindsight, she was hurt that he left while she had been a mess, but now- she understood that he had every right to do so. He was still at fault for leaving so abruptly, only leaving a note behind. Looking at him now, though, if this is what he was hiding underneath it all, then she would be there to hold him as he held her when she learned of her father’s tragic passing. It was nowhere near as violent because she didn’t have to watch him getting torn in half and witness his corpse, but that wasn’t the point.
All of the remaining wounds that opened when she was alone could be healed, especially if he let her in.
Back when the key of the starry heavens event began, he didn’t speak a lot- after all, Natsu was a man of actions, but it helped significantly more than no amount of words. Maybe it was the same for him. He just needed a calming presence. He had calmed down when she first wrapped her hands around him, after all. He was still far calmer than he was in the state she first found him in.
He had already said he loved staying at her apartment because the smell appealed to him. Well.
“Hey, let’s go home, okay?”
She muttered between sniffs and hiccups, close to his ear.
As an answer, he stood. Her embrace fell, as for the first time in a little while, she saw his face. Yes, it was dark outside, but she distinguished his features anyway. She stood in return and ran a hand in his face to wipe the remaining tears out. He leaned into her hand, bringing his own to cover it. A delicious shiver ran down her neck when she realised what he did.
What the-
Her cheeks flushed, but she shook her head. It was not the time to be thinking about that.
Lucy shook her head in an attempt to brush the thoughts away- this was not even close to a romantic interaction- she had to be rational. However, the cover blew when he lowered their hands and laced their fingers. She sighed. Maybe he was just touch-starved, especially when he seemed that desperate. All things considered, she didn’t mind; she just didn’t want her heart to deviate from this very serious moment between them…
So she smiled at him.
“We should leave a note for when Happy wakes up. He hasn’t been sleeping well either, but I don’t feel like waking him up.”
At the mention of his exceed friend, Natsu’s face darkened. He must know how much his state influenced Happy’s mental health. He shouldn’t inflict that upon him. Lucy picked it up, and this time she let go of his hand to cradle his face between her digits.
“Don’t worry. Okay? Happy’s worried about you, because he loves you a lot. He is not mad at you; neither am I. But you don’t have to talk about it now.”
He lowered his gaze, in shame, before nodding. A warm grin crept on her face, despite her glassy eyes.
“I’m letting you get away with it for a little while, but promise me you’ll talk about it? I don’t really know what pains you, but you don’t have to carry it alone. I’m your friend, not your enemy, and I’ll always be there at your darkest. Promise?”
She meant what she said, of course, but they both knew that the part about her not knowing why he was in pain was a lie. It didn’t take a genius to know that almost fighting to death one of his brothers from the guild, Gray, then turns out the black mage being his biological brother, Grbeing his strongest demon- Etherious Natsu Dragneel… END, his partial demonic transformation because he thought Lucy- not future Lucy, no, his Lucy died when he could’ve prevented it. Natsu had so much more to bear compared to his fellow guild members. Yet he dealt the final blow to Acnologia, becoming the dragon king himself.
Gosh. She was almost relieved that his coping mechanism was just to isolate himself. It could be so much worse. It didn’t matter though; she was here for him, and she wouldn’t let him go.
Good thing that he wouldn’t let her, as he buried his face in the crook of her neck to catch her familiar, comforting scent.
The shivers. Again.
Natsu… c’mon Lucy, now’s not the time.
She let her shoulders relax before standing back, thus removing his dislocating his head from her. She grabbed his hand before disappointment sank in and led him home.
A little while after, when the note had been left and they reached the apartment, Lucy sent her pink-haired partner to the bathroom so he could relax, while she changed into her pajamas- a tank top and shorts.
She sat at her desk, still hearing the sound of the shower being used, then looked at the time.
It’s 4 AM.
It’ll probably be past noon by the time they’d wake up anyway, and it’s not like she was planning to do anything now that he was there. She would just spend the day with him, holding him close. The blonde closed her eyes.
I should’ve chased him after Tartaros.
How could she not think outside of herself? Yes, she had lost Aquarius. It pained, and still pains her, not to have her at her side anymore. Probably one of the biggest heartbreaks she’d even been through after her mother’s loss, but his departure broke her even more, especially when he left just a note behind. And she hated that he was totally valid for leaving- no one was here for him. She had shut him off without even realising, and it pained her. Maybe he wouldn’t be like this had she been more aware of her environment back then.
A tear rolled down her cheek, then another, and another.
She was complaining about him leaving when he felt like he didn’t have any place to stay.
He wanted to get stronger, which he did. He wanted to overcome his trauma, and here he was now- and she hated that she was partly responsible for it; she hated that she left him in this state for a week- she hated-
“Lucy.”
She was so lost in thought she hadn’t noticed that he was kneeling in front of her.
“I-”
She couldn’t even utter a single word. He could, though; he looked a bit better after a shower.
“Are ya okay?”
When she heard that question, the blood suddenly rushed back to her brain. She laughed. Out of the irony of the situation, to Natsu’s confused expression. She laughed with bitterness because he was worrying about her, while he should think about himself first. He was too good a man. A gentle soul despite all of the theatrics and clowning.
The man she had truly fallen in love with.
“What- why are ya laughin’ like yer possessed by a ghost or somethin?”
Hearing this only made her double down, but the bitterness was obliterated. How could he just- say- do this kind of thing when she found him to be a mess not too long ago?
“Natsu- it’s..” She considered brushing it off, but she had asked him- and he promised her to be honest with her later on. “I’ll tell you later.”
He agreed.
“Okay.”
Her digits found themselves buried in his locks.
“Bed? You must be tired.”
His response was immediate.
“Oh hell yeah, haven’t been sleepin much lately”
Even if he was back to his usual self, Lucy still felt the unease emanating from his magic. The anxiety, the sense of dread she felt earlier, dimmed by a small notch, but it was still present. Was he pretending to feel better? Or was he more at ease? Lucy didn’t ponder and picked the first option. It was so strong earlier on that this reduction probably meant nothing.
He sat on her bed, and she joined him. She was super close, their thighs practically glued to one another. His head dropped on her shoulder. She dropped hers on top of his.
“You don’t have to hold it back, you know.”
She heard him exhale.
“Can I just… hold ya..?”
She inched closer, even if it was technically impossible.
“Please, do.”
One second she was sitting on the bed, the other she was sitting on his lap, straddling his waist with her thighs. His nose, buried in her neck, drank in her scent. Yet again, this god-forsaken shiver ran down her whole spine this time around.
Lucy. No. No more of that!
It truly was a dangerous situation, knowing the position she was in, but it didn’t matter anymore when she felt something wet on her shoulder. He cried again. She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer in, and she felt his quivering. Judging from the way his grip tightened around her waist, he had been waiting for something, someone he could hold on to. She would gladly be this person for him.
“My dad… and now my brother… my parents… all gone”
His… parents? That would be something she would ask him about later. He never told her about his biological parents- because she assumed he never knew them. Perhaps he had? Aunt Anna said the dragon slayers- those raised by actual dragons were way too young when she found them to remember their parents well. That made sense. And then, Natsu’s proving her wrong now. Did he remember?
It’s not.. Something I should be asking now. Yeah- we’ll talk later… right?
“I was going to kill a brother from the guild. I would’ve killed Gray had Erza not intervened”
Ouch. That stung. The desperation in his voice vibrated in her bones. That one felt personal to her because she knew he wouldn’t have turned into END had she not believed she was dead. She knows she’s not responsible for anything- it wasn’t like she could wake up like she wanted to. But well. The guilt stayed because it could.
“My brother, the one I share blood with- he was a mass killer- he was cursed, and he committed a felony by bringing me back from the dead and turned me into a demo-”
Lucy cut him off before he could finish that sentence. She grabbed his face again so that he looked at her.
“You are Natsu from Fairy Tail. No one else, nothing else. And we all love you. I love you.”
She couldn’t stop the drops from falling from her eyes, cascading until they reached her chin and the sheets.
“I don’t care if you’re supposed to be a demon or whatever- I don’t care if you see yourself as a monstrosity because that’s not true! You’re Natsu, my Natsu, the friend that changed the course of my life forever.”
She took a deep breath in to attempt calming her nerves before letting her following words be heard.
“Don’t ever say that again...”
Natsu was stunned to silence. His expression was unreadable. But Lucy felt something change in the atmosphere. The fire in his magic. It was different- she didn’t know if it was good or bad omens- and truly, she would’ve loved to be able to figure it out, but sometimes there was this thing where her body did things without her knowledge. She dipped down and captured her lips with his.
Maybe deep down, her body knew better than her mind that he needed actions to feel better. The shivers, such delightful shivers she felt before, fizzled into sparks that spurred her on.
He reciprocated- all of the hopelessness he poured into it. It wasn’t long until his tongue started licking her teeth, requesting entrance into her mouth.
She let him.