Chapter Text
When Jason Grace first admitted to himself that he was attracted to Percy Jackson, he didn’t know how he felt about it.
First of all, he was a boy and Jason had never had a crush on a guy before. He wasn’t gay, was he? He was pretty sure he wasn’t, after all he was genuinely attracted to Piper when Hera had messed with their memories and somehow convinced them that they were dating.
Piper had broken up with him soon after the quest to the wolf house, after she admitted that she had a hard time trying to get over the fact that her memories of their first kiss had been completely fabricated. Jason had been genuinely upset about the break up.
So yeah, not gay. He definitely liked dating and kissing girls.
But then, Percy Jackson had appeared in his life and suddenly he wasn’t so sure that he was that straight anymore.
With the muscular body of a swimmer, messy black hair and beautiful sea green eyes that took Jason’s breath away, Percy was the most beautiful boy, no scratch that, the most beautiful person Jason had ever met. And he had dated a daughter of Aphrodite.
And when he had fist bumped Jason after they had talked down Octavian together, Jason had been left completely flustered by the contact and also longing for more at the same time.
At first, he had denied that his feelings for Percy was anything more than friendship, making up all sorts of stupid excuses for why he would act so weird around the Son of Poseidon, his completely platonic bro.
His internalised homophobia had tortured him for some time during the first week aboard the Argo II.
What he had not expected was that a few nights after the incident in Kansas, both he and Percy had been unable to sleep and wandered on to the deck.
They had stood next to each other, leaning against the railings and staring at the stars. At first, they had talked about some light-hearted stuff like the cool things they could do with their powers and stuff like that, but slowly they had started talking about more personal things like the things the quests they had gone on and the people they had lost.
Jason had been surprised how well he and Percy could understand each other. Everyone on the Argo II had expected them to clash. Hades, even Jason himself had expected to clash with Percy. But then he had got to know the son of Poseidon a little more and realised that they were more similar than anyone gave them credit for, both of them were leaders who had been forced to take up responsibilities because of their parentage.
The only difference really was one was Roman and the other was Greek.
They were basically reflections of each other, two sides of the same coin.
Jason had been surprised and scared by how strongly he felt about a person who he had met about a little more than a week ago. And maybe that had been when he finally admitted he had a crush on the guy.
But then Percy had lowered his voice and learned forward so he can speak closer to Jason’s ear, like he was telling him a secret.
“You know, I really like you, Grace.” And not even the most oblivious person could have missed the flirtatious tone in his voice.
Jason had been so flustered and shocked that he hadn’t spoken for more than five seconds, trying to process the fact that Percy Jackson had just told him he liked him.
“You….you mean like in a bro way or you know, the …” Jason had managed to stammer, wanting to be sure.
When he had finally managed to turn around and look at Percy, the son of Poseidon looked like a kicked puppy, the smooth and charismatic attire completely gone. He looked almost scared.
“Look, I’m sorry. I just, you know, I have a crush on you and I just thought it might be best if I tell you because I didn’t want this to ruin our friendship. I am really sorry if I made you uncomfortable or weirded you out.”
“What, no!” Jason had immediately cried out, and boldly grabbed one of Percy’s hands, “You didn’t make me uncomfortable. I was just surprised, I didn’t expect you to actually return my feelings.”
“Wait, you like me, too?”
“Yeah, I do. I think I had a crush on you since the moment I saw you and I was just denying it.”
Percy’s eyes had widened and his smile after Jason confessed had melted his heart.
“Can I kiss you?” Percy had asked tentatively.
Jason had nodded and he had barely a second to wonder what it would be like to kiss a boy before Percy’s lips were on his.
It had been so different from the few kisses he had shared with Piper, electric, exciting and it had felt so right, despite Jason knowing that many people thought that it was unnatural and wrong.
That first kiss had led to many more, only ever behind closed doors though. Jason had insisted that they keep this little thing between them a secret from the rest of the Argo crew. He was scared to tell anyone else.
By now, it was almost protocol for Percy to sneak into Jason’s cabin every night after everyone fell asleep. Not that they did anything more than cuddling and kissing, Jason was in no way ready for that yet.
Gods, their relationship was moving too fast already, but they were on a possibly fatal quest after all, one where any of them could die at any moment.
Now he and Percy were lying on his bed, Percy’s arms around his waist and his head on Jason’s chest. Their legs were entangled. Jason felt safe despite everything that was going on in this crazy quest.
“Hey, Jace. I’m not judging or pressuring you, but why do you not want everyone to know?” His voice was slightly muffled and Jason could feel the vibrations of his voice on his chest.
Jason stiffened, he really did not want to talk about it, but he knew he had to give Percy an answer. It wasn’t fair to him if Jason demanded him to keep their relationship a secret without at least giving him an explanation.
“I’m not really sure, but maybe because you aren’t a girl. I mean I’m just not ready to explain everything to other people when I can’t even understand my sexuality completely yet.”
“You mean I’m your first boy crush?” Percy teased, looking up and giving him a cheeky grin.
Jason nodded bashfully , “Well, yeah. What about you?”
“Well,” Percy hesitated and Jason got a feeling he was about to hear something really personal about his maybe boyfriend. “There was this one guy I liked. I was twelve when I met him.”
Percy stared at him and frowned, “Come to think of it, he kinda looked like you.”
Jason was taken aback by the statement but couldn’t resist the chance to tease Percy, “You have a thing for blond boys?”
Percy shrugged, “Just blondes in general, I think. I mean the campers at Camp Half-Blood definitely told you that I had briefly dated Annabeth before breaking up with her because we think we are better as friends.”
“So who’s the guy you had a crush on?”
“I don’t really want to talk about him,” muttered Percy, his face darkening.
Jason knew better than to probe further.
“But you know,” Percy said casually, “Annabeth had a crush on him too. And your sister, I think.”
“Thalia liked him too?!” Jason exclaimed, “What’s so special about this guy that he got three people crushing on him?”
“Well, he was very handsome, and charming,” Percy teased and Jason was definitely not annoyed.
Percy gave him a sly grin, “You jealous?”
“What, no!” Jason sputtered.
“Don’t worry, you are much hotter,” Percy said, giving him a light peck.”
Jason grumbled, he was totally not jealous .
“So you found out you like guys because of him?”
“Yeah, I guess I’m bisexual, you know? I find people of all genders attractive.”
“So if I liked Piper and then you, does that make me bisexual too?” Jason asked, he was slightly confused.
Percy shrugged, “Maybe, but don’t worry too much about labels.”
Jason nodded, still deep in thought. So it was possible for someone to not only like one gender.
Percy only laughed as Jason pondered his sexuality, and why did Jason find that adorable?
“Seriously, don’t tell me that there are no bisexuals in New Rome,” Percy said knowingly.
“Well, I wouldn’t know, they wouldn’t let me mingle much back in camp. And it is not like anyone would discuss sexuality with the praetors or something.”
Percy shook his head and muttered something that sounded like, “Romans.”
Percy shook his head and gave Jason a soft smile, “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell the others if you are not ready. I am not upset about it, Jace. It’s totally fine.”
Jason felt as if a weight had been lifted off his chest, “Thanks Perce.”
“Go to sleep, Jace. Don’t overthink everything, you tend to do that.”
He was right, Jason tended to do that. But maybe with this wonderful boy in his arms, he could just let himself relax for one night.
……………….
The next week, Percy and Annabeth fell into Tartarus.
To say Jason was a mess was an understatement. He didn’t know how to feel. He couldn’t cry, he just felt numb.
……………….
Then came the mission to retrieve Diocletian’s sceptre.
Jason didn’t know what to think of Nico di Angelo, after he had kept the secret that he had been spending time in both camps.
Percy seemed to trust him, although Jason could sense the tension between them. He was slightly curious about what had happened between them, but he knew that he would probably get a Stygian sword up his nose if he dared to ask the son of Hades any personal questions.
Jason felt as though the fates had it out for him when they were being taunted by Eros, or Cupid. The god of love, out of all things.
“Cupid, where are you?” Jason called, rather boldly. He and Nico both had their swords drawn.
The voice laughed, “Where you least expect me to be, like love always is.”
For some reason, Jason felt targeted by the god’s words.
Something slammed into him and Jason fell to the ground.
Cupid kept taunting them as they tried to get a hit on the invisible god.
“Love requires you to be honest, it demands the truth. Only then does it yield rewards. And that applies to both of you.”
Suddenly Jason felt his presence right in front of him, “I would think you’d know better, Jason Grace. You found true love, after all. Then why are you still afraid? Why do you keep hiding?”
At those words, Jason felt himself faltered and he felt more vulnerable than he ever had in his entire life. He had slew countless monsters and toppled titans. Then why was it the god of love that could disarm him so easily? He felt his sword drop to the ground.
“Stop it! Leave him alone. It’s me you want! I am the one that demands the sceptre.” He heard Nico cry out.
Jason couldn’t breathe, why did he feel like he was going to have a panic attack in the middle of a fight? He felt himself sinking to his knees, face buried in his hands.
Why was he such a coward that he was afraid of his feelings? Why was he so pathetic that he was afraid of anyone discovering his sexuality? Why was it that he couldn’t seem to deal with his emotions when Percy wasn’t by his side to help him? Why did he miss him so much that it hurt?
For the first time in many years, Jason let his tears fall.
And around him, the winds started to pick up and rage as his emotions started to affect his powers. Which only caused him to panic even more as he started to lose control of his powers.
“Wrong again, Nico di Angelo. You are both my targets.”
“Oh, shut it.” he was acutely aware of Nico shouting back.
Suddenly, he felt cool hands on his arms and he briefly looked up to see Nico’s concerned face looking down at him.
“Hey, you okay? Just breathe, alright? ” Nico told him, his voice surprisingly gentle.
Jason took a few deep breaths, slowly feeling himself calm down. He was surprised by how reassuring he found the son of Hades’ presence, especially since he had been slightly nervous around Nico since they had rescued him.
“Show yourself, Cupid. You don’t scare us!” He heard Nico shout.
Jason thought that Cupid did scare him, a lot. And the god seemed to agree.
“I scare you very, very much. Neither of you have the courage to face me. Just the thought of being honest about love terrifies both of you to no end.”
He was right, Jason thought.
Next to him, Nico let out a guttural scream and Jason watched in awe and fear as dead Romans crawled out of the ground.
“So you choose to hide among the dead, as you always do?” Cupid taunted.
Jason wondered briefly why Cupid was so hung up on Nico when it was him who was afraid of his feelings. Cupid had said that both of them were his targets. So what could Nico be hiding?
Suddenly, Jason could feel waves of darkness rolling off the son of Hades, Nico’s powers were mixing with the chaotic mess that was the wind around them, caused by Jason’s powers.
As the two sons of the big three’s power mixed together, so did their emotions and memories. And in that moment, both of them knew more about each other than anyone else as powers projected their feelings. Their fear and their shame.
Jason saw a very young Nico growing up in 1930s Italy where he saw two men getting arrested for kissing. Could feel the fear that had left behind as he discovered his sexuality
Then a much more recent memory, Percy protecting Nico and his sister on a snowy cliff, could feel the way Nico felt as he looked at him, deep admiration and attraction. He had been the first demigod Nico had ever seen in action. He was a literal myth brought to life, a real life legend.
Then he saw Percy pulling Nico aside and promising to keep his sister safe, felt the deep trust that Nico had for Percy. He was a hero, there was no way he would fail.
He could feel the deep betrayal Nico felt when Percy came back and told him that Bianca was dead. The anger and hatred. He had summoned skeletons but he couldn’t hurt Percy, Jason felt his hatred for himself and his emotions, how afraid he was of his feelings, just like Jason was.
Then something shifted in the swirling cloud of power around them. And suddenly Jason found himself reliving his own memories.
The first time he saw Percy, back at Camp Jupiter, when he first got off the Argo II. He remembered the way he had fallen for that grin and beautiful sea green eyes immediately and how he had vehemently denied it.
Then their first kiss back on the deck of the Argo, the affection he had felt for the boy in front of him mixed with a deep aching fear of his feelings. Just reliving the memory made him long for Percy’s touch.
Then he saw himself and Percy sitting next to each other in the mess hall of the ship. Jason had tried his best to hide their clasped hands from the others’ view. He remembered wanting to feel close to Percy even when they were in the company of others, but was still so afraid that the others would find out and that they would judge him and think less of him because he liked guys.
Jason saw more of his and Nico’s memories and he knew Nico was seeing them too.
Slowly the visions faded and the two boys were left sitting on the ground next to each other, both overwhelmed by the fear of their feelings for a certain son of Poseidon. In that moment, they didn’t feel like heroes, just two boys who were struggling to accept themselves.
“You… you are in love with Percy,” Jason said, feeling as though pieces of the puzzle finally made sense. The deep love and hate Nico felt for Percy had been overwhelmingly clear.
He also felt so guilty that he couldn’t even bring himself to be jealous, this boy had been crushing on Percy for years and he had just found out that Jason was dating him in secret, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t know.”
Nico shook his head, “Don’t be. I don’t feel that way for him anymore. I have long accepted that he doesn’t feel anything romantic for me. And you did nothing wrong, Jason. I am just afraid of my feelings, even after all these years I still can’t accept the fact that I’m…..”
“Gay?” Jason offered.
“Yeah,” Nico nodded and Jason wisely didn’t mention the fact that his eyes were filled with tears.
“You’re afraid, too, are you?” Nico asked.
Jason nodded, “I'm scared of other people finding out and that they would think less of me. But I also think that Percy doesn’t want to keep hiding this and I feel like I am not being fair to him. And I just miss him so much. And I’m scared and I just feel like a mess, because I’m supposed to be the leader and I’m not acting like one, I am just a pathetic coward.”
He didn’t even realize that he was crying and that he was hyperventilating until Nico told him to calm down and breathe.
“I hated him, Percy I mean. I know he didn’t really mean to hurt me. But he let my sister die and I always felt like he treated me as though I was inferior to him, like I am a little brother he had failed to protect and never as an equal. I still had a crush on him though and I was afraid of those feelings because when I grew up in that time.” Nico told him when he finally calmed down, trusting him with his feelings the same way Jason had with his.
Jason nodded, he understood.
Suddenly, Cupid became visible next to them, a lean muscular young man with white wings and a bow and quiver.
“Love is never easy and it hardly ever leads to closure, it hurts and sometimes it leads to pain. But at least you have faced it now.” Cupid said with a tad of sympathy in his eyes.
Then he disappeared and in his place was the sceptre of Diocletian. But both demigods ignored it for the time being.
“We’ll get them back Jason, I promise.” Nico said, “And you don’t have to be scared of your sexuality.”
Jason gave a small weak laugh,“As long as you don’t be a hypocrite and start accepting yourself.”
And to his surprise, Nico laughed too, “Fair enough.”
Jason smiled, knowing he had found a friend for life, someone who understood him almost as well as Percy.
And maybe they could help each other out, and then both of them could stop being so afraid of they were.