Actions

Work Header

My grapes can't be THIS fat?

Summary:

The Disaster Management Bureau's resident mascot is a larger than life cat, in more ways than one. His designated butlers (read: Hyunmu Team 1) now have to figure out how to prevent him from getting even larger.

Notes:

Inspired by this tweet: https://x.com/Animalesaprieto/status/2050412589645992099

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

"Agent Choi, don't you think that Agent Grape has gotten a bit…fat?" Jaegwan sounded out tentatively, staring at the black mass in the room that had slowly but surely, been growing past the recommended size for a cat.

 

"GASP!!!! JAEGWANNIE HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?"

 

With the most scandalised voice he could muster, Agent Choi dived straight for the cushion that the Bureau's unofficial mascot was lazing on, hands smooshing the poor cat's ears down in a mock attempt to dampen its hearing, eliciting a startled yowl from it. Scarred hands flying all over Grape's luscious body, messing up its shiny black fur and sneakily kneading at the extra mass that was surely just made of cuteness and fluff.

 

"Jaegwan-ah, look how cute our little Grapes is! How could you call him fat when he's just full of love for us!"

 

Squishing his cheek against Grape's, pressing himself deeper and deeper into the squishy ball of black fluff as if trying to fuse himself and Grape together as one, Agent Choi angled both his and Grape's face towards Jaegwan, eyes enlarged and lips formed into a pout.

 

Unseen to the two men in the room, a vein popped out from the top of Grape's fur-covered head, its jaw clenching and tail flicking with greater intensity all the while Agent Choi remained unaware yet ever close and invasive of the cat's personal space.

 

"MREOWWWW!"

 

"ACK-, GRAPES WHY?"

 

Terrified screams burst from the troublemaker as Grape, the angel that he is, finally lost patience and begin batting at Agent Choi's face with no abandon. If Grape had been any less civilised of a cat, his claws would have been brandished and marking Agent Choi's face with even more scars, though the man in question would probably start gushing and calling them "badges of honour".

 

Successfully loosening himself from Agent Choi's sticky grasp, Grape slipped away from him and trotted over to Jaegwan instead, weaving between his chiselled legs and rubbing against them affectionately, letting out a demure mew and looking up at the stoic man as he brought a hand down to pet Grape between the ears.

 

Sliding an arm below Grape's well-endowed body, Jaegwan lifted the cat onto his lap, smoothing out the sleek black fur that had been messed up from Agent Choi's shenanigans. The bulky man ran his hands up and down the entire length of the cat, discretely measuring its current size and comparing it to how he vaguely remembered it was.

 

"Meow?"

 

Tilting his head, Grape looked up towards Jaegwan, eyes full of trust even as he silently questioned what his stoic butler was doing. Was he praising him for tolerating the noisy one for so long? Was the butler stressed and just needed some comfort? Grape is a generous and kind cat, so he'll allow this butler to pat him for as long as he likes.

 

Dark blue eyes met ruby red, a dignified butler silently assessing Grape before calloused hands lowered themselves to hold both of his paws, lifting them up as the butler opened his mouth to converse with him. With a heavy heart, Jaegwan opened his mouth.

 

"JAEGWAN-AH, NO-!"

 

"Agent Grape, I'm sorry but… We need to cut down your food intake."

 

Immediately, the feline's eyes narrowed into pin-point streaks, face somehow contorting to display a heavy sense of shock and betrayal towards the one he favoured. Pathetic mewls and yowls left the creatures mouth, much akin to a criminal trying to plead its case.

 

Grape wiggled his furry paws out of the large hands encasing him, desperately nuzzling against Jaegwan's collar and whining, desperately pleading for the larger man to take back such a blasphemous sentence.

 

Closing his eyes, Jaegwan slowly clenched and unclenched his fists, letting out a deep sigh as he lifted Grape in the air and up to eye level. The poor cat suspended helplessly in the air, front paws stretch out and kneading the air, desperate attempts to reach out to Jaegwan and try to change his mind.

 

"Jaegwan-ah~! How can you be so mean to our ch- woah." Agent Choi cut himself off, eyes drawn to the picture before him.

 

Despite how much Agent Choi's delusions tried persist as "Grape's number 1 fan and defender", even he couldn't deny just how big Grape had gotten he first arrived at the bureau, especially with Jaegwan hanging the poor cat in the air for all to see.

 

When on the ground and trotting about as usual, Grape seemed just like any other fluffy cat. Slick, shiny fur bouncing with every trot, screaming to the world that he was pampered and well taken care of. Considering they never did get a proper check on what Grape's specific breed was, Agent Choi just assumed that Grape was a large, long-haired cat.

 

But now, with Jaegwan holding Grape by the armpits and letting all that volume flow downwards with the force of gravity, Agent Choi had no choice but to accept that this giant mass hanging off from Grape was not fur, but fat.

 

Getting up from the lonely mushroom corner he'd been crouched in this entire time since getting smacked by Grape, Agent Choi slowly walked over to the cat and butler duo, a hand to his chest as his other wiped away an imaginary tear like the dramatic, Victorian lady that he is.

 

"Sniff…. Oh Grape, what should we do? Should we ask the equipment management team for slimming outfits- OW JAEGWAN OUCH I'M JOKING!"

 

Shielding his head as he scampered away from the beating that his own junior was giving him, even while holding Grape in one hand, who looked like he wanted to give Agent Choi more cat punches for his latest transgressions.

 

Pouting and muttering again at the unfairness of it all, Agent Choi pulled out his phone and opened up the bureau group chat.

 

"Haha, Jaegwan-ah, isn't the easiest way to cut down our little Grapesie's food intake just to reduce the number of people who feed him everyday?"

 

Letting out a laugh, Agent Choi sent off the mass announcement informing everyone about the ban on feeding Grape any unwarranted snacks, of course not forgetting to emphasise how large the cat had gotten.

 

Instantly, a stream of notifications started ringing throughout the office as Agent Choi's phone was bombarded by protests from other agents. A mix of "Grapes isn't fat!" and "The poor thing is gonna starve…" and all other renditions of care and distraught quickly filled the bureau's communal chat room. Wow, our Team's Grapes really is popular huh… Thought Choi helplessly, looking on wistfully at the messages that shared his exact thoughts.

 

Turning back around, Choi faced the man-cat duo. Somehow in that short span of time where he had sent out the announcement, Grape had decided that Jaegwan was no longer worthy of its affections. Leaving a red paw-print on the once favoured butler's cheek, Grape trotted off to his favourite corner, his pink attachment rabbit (when had he even picked it up?) clutched carefully in his muzzle. Indignant meows and whimpers began echoing from said corner as Grape threw out its complaints and grievances to the little bunny.

 

Jaegwan made his way over to Choi, hand rubbing at the cheek that Grape had given him a loving nya-nya punch. The agent duo gazed at their charge – who was still making loud complaints in the corner – with affection filled eyes, even as their hearts felt a tad heavy at having to deprive Grape of food. They had to remind themselves that it was all for Grape's sake, so that it could live a long life alongside them!

 

… Choi vaguely felt as if there was a higher being that was currently contemplating his end though, if the sudden chill down his spine had anything to say. Was he dreaming, or did Grape's attachment doll seem to be staring at both him and Jaegwan?

 

Shaking his head, Choi patted his junior on the shoulder, pushing him back towards his desk. "Aigoo, I guess it can't be helped how loved our Grape is. Jaegwan-ah, why don't you get back to work and this senior of yours will think of other ways to help it lose weight without cutting down food!"

 

"…You just want to slack off again." Quiet muttering left the larger man as he side-eyed his senior.

 

"Oops~, teehee, did I get caught?" Pulling off the classic anime girl pose, tongue sticking out as he placed a fist below his mouth and at the top of his head, Choi casually admitted to his junior's accusations, not at all guilty.

 

"Mreow, meow nya~"

 

Despite its complaints, Grape seemed to feel that calling out Choi's unprofessional behaviour alongside Jaegwan far more important, letting out a few cries to voice its opinion of Choi's habitual slacking.

 

"Sob sob sob… Jaegwan-ah look what you've done, our little Grape is taking after your grumpiness and bullying his senior agent~!"

 

Ignoring the (fake) crying man, the not-so-little cat picked up its massive body, heading over to Jaegwan out of habit to receive its complimentary treat for scolding Choi again. Sitting itself before the large man, Grape gazed up at Jaegwan, eyes wide and shining as it awaited its favourite churu to arrive before its mouth once more, unaware - or perhaps dismissive - of the inner turmoil that was going through the other's mind.

 

Jaegwan peered into the cat's eyes, doing his best to maintain his objectivity in the face of Grape's aegyo attack. Calm yourself Ryu Jaegwan, you have to remain strong for Grape's sake. Agent Grape is already teetering on the edge of obesity, if you feed it any more it'll be dangerous to its health.

 

As if listening in on his thoughts, a paw landed gently on his knee, followed by a furry head. Bright red eyes stared up at him, pupils dilated and gazing at Jaegwan with the most innocent, pitiful look it could muster.

 

"Mreowwww?" A gentle, questioning mew left the cat's throat, stabbing straight into Jaegwan's heart and piercing through the paper-thin walls that he had sworn to keep up for the sake of Grape's health.

 

"…Just one more okay? Then we'll start your diet tomorrow." Sighing to himself, Jaegwan resigned to his fate as he pulled out one of the many churu sticks stashed in his tableside drawer just for the cat.

 

Leaning back in his chair and turning a soulless gaze to the sealing, Jaegwan tuned out the quiet snickering that was no doubt coming from his senior, focusing instead on the therapeutic sounds of Grape lapping at its favourite snack with enthusiasm.

 

Sigh…Will we really be able to get Agent Grape to lose weight…?

Notes:

I like fat cats and I cannot lie