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“’I didn’t know I oughtn’t know it?’ Laying it on a bit thick there, weren’t you?” Bill leaned against Jimmy’s shoulder as the door shut behind Daniel and Archie.
Jimmy shrugged. “Easier to give him what he expects. Got him to answer the question.”
Bill shook his head. He had long ago accepted that his love and his friend would never quite mesh; Daniel was too evasive, too used to looking for undercurrents and agendas, and Jimmy was a man who couldn’t tell a lie.
Jimmy didn’t see the need for subterfuge. Things were as they were, and no amount of pretending would change that. Bill knew enough about Jimmy’s childhood to understand where he formed his militant optimism and directness.
The difference was that while Daniel might see it as a shortcoming, Bill knew how much courage and strength it took to see the things that Jimmy had seen—to do the things that Jimmy had done—without losing your faith that there was good in this world.
Daniel and Bill had both sent men to die, but always from their desks, and it haunted them both. Jimmy had led his Raiders over the top to watch them die night after horrible night. There weren’t many men who could do a job like that. Risking your own life was hard enough. Risking the lives of others was worse.
Miraculously, Jimmy survived it. He came back damaged but still himself. He knew full well that there was pain, ugliness and hurt in the world, but he refused to ignore the kindness and beauty that was often hidden beside it. He wasn’t philosophical; he just chose not to give up.
Practical, cheerful, loving Jimmy, who drew Bill out of his head when the numbers were too overwhelming, who pulled him back into his body when his brain spiraled away from him. At first it was with boxing and exercise, and it only got better when Jimmy finally understood what was between them.
Of course they had their arguments over the years. Jimmy couldn’t take a hint any more than he could tell a lie, and Bill sometimes thought he had to be painfully direct before he made his point. Watching Jimmy try to surprise him with a gift was a gift unto itself.
Bill felt a gentle pressure on his hand. Jimmy always knew when he was in his own head, even if was only for a few minutes like he had been just now. Bill didn’t know where he would be without Jimmy there to reach for him.
“Let’s get out of here,” Jimmy said, softly. “This room….”
Bill knew what Jimmy didn’t have words to say. The room was haunted by his former brother-in-law’s hateful behavior as much as his eventual death in it.
Bill grinned. “I know rooms with better memories. Too bad the house is so full; we’d be in trouble even if we did lock the door.”
The smile that lit Jimmy’s face as he caught Bill’s meaning was its own reward. Together, they walked out of their past and embraced the present.