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"how did it end up like this?" a question you never seem to learn the answer of, no matter how much you think about it.
when did it all start? when toji killed the star plasma vessel? or did it start when suguru saw those 2 girls in the village? was there a way to stop him? should you have noticed something odd when he wore the full uniform during summer? were you too caught up in yourself to notice his spiral? could you have been a better friend?
you feel tears prick your eyes, that familiar stinging feeling in your throat as you wipe away the tears with the sleeve of satorus jujutsu high uniform.
letting out a shaky breath, you look up at the sky to take your mind off things, maybe if you drown yourself in missions the pain will eventually fade into nothing.
when will you stop lying to yourself? theres no way youll ever move on, not when you have to visit two graves on christmas eve. not when they both died on the same day— not when the two people you cherished the most left you & shoko alone.
is it selfish to wish you died alongside them? youve considered it many times, the only thing thats kept you going is the thought of shoko all alone, you cant possibly abandon her, not after what shes been through.
you two might not be close but you can tell, she misses them both dearly.
a shooting star passes by. your gaze follows the anomaly as it passes over the sky and into the unknown and you close your eyes, to wish for one thing.
wherever suguru & satoru are, you hope that theyre at least happy there. maybe when you get there, they'd have made up & became friends again. itll all go back to normal then, you, shoko, satoru and suguru fooling around and staying up all night.
...
what a naive way of thinking, you cant help but chastise yourself for still hoping when theres clearly no purpose at all. theyre both dead, probably rotting somewhere and no amount of hopeful, naive wishing is gonna make it better. neither will come back anyway.
whats the point, even? youll never meet anyone like them. no one could compare to satoru & suguru, and you dont have it in you to visit a cemetery every christmas eve.
you just hope they wont hate you for what you're about to do.