Chapter Text
HAIL MARY, HELP ME
“Why is Grace doing that, question?”
“What?” I say, bewildered. It had been about 2 weeks of us travelling to Erid, by now, I’d expected the rock to know almost everything about me. I hadn’t been this open with anyone in a while, he knew me better than some people I’d known for years. His confusion, honestly, confused me.
“Grace wiggling, why question?”
I almost wanted to laugh when I realised what he meant. I had been nervously twiddling my fingers and rocking slightly. I didn’t want Rocky to notice, but really? I missed my students. A lot. I missed having to worry about their assignments, or grading papers. I missed decorating my classroom, hell, I missed sitting in the goddamn staff room drinking shit filter coffee.
“Oh, Rocky. I’m just fidgeting, I guess. My mind’s been wandering a bit.” I admitted half heartedly with a forced smile and I consciously put my hands to my side, almost embarassed.
2 weeks ago I had made the decision to leave Rocky behind. 2 weeks ago. I changed my mind again. I knew he was in danger. And as much as I hated to admit it to myself, he was my best friend. He is my best friend.
“Amaze!” he exclaimed excitedly, thrusting up an excited thumbs up.. Down… I don’t really know what to refer to it as. “How does mind wander, question? No legs.”
I genuinely chuckled at that one. He hadn’t quite understood human idioms yet. But I honestly was feeling a bit too down to explain it. “Don’t worry about it dude. I’m gonna go get something to eat, then maybe we can find something to do before the boredom kills us.”
Heading to find another pack of noodles to boil, I suddenly thought back to my life before.
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12:57 pm
The light in my kitchen was flickering again. I’d have to replace the bulb soon. It was pissing me off.
Summer break was hell for me. My social life had gone out the window a while ago, and having finished grading and making lesson plans, I found myself in a bit of a… well... I was depressed.
Noodles were my go to. Easy to make. Full of calories to soothe my soul. Sitting on the couch with my little plastic cup, I turned on my TV. It opened up to the news, and I debated watching to see what was going on, but the news is depressing as shit so I changed the channel, knowing it would make shit worse.
I tuned in to some stupid gameshow. I wasn’t really paying attention anyway, absorbed in thought. I wondered what my students were up to. I wondered if they were having fun.
God knows I wasn’t.
I’m probably one of the few people in this shitty town who actually likes their job. In my fucked up state, I, typically, found this… pathetic.
“God, Ryland. Depressed over a couple kids? How lonely do you have to be?”
The noodles sat on the table in front of me. I tried to shake away the thoughts, but it seemed to spur them on like a bunch of high school boys egging the school.
“It's kind of weird that an adult man like you would care so much. It’s just a job, dude. Getting a fucking hobby you boring piece of shit.”
I begged it to stop. I wanted to stop spiralling. The steam from my noodles swirled up into the air and seemed to surround me.
“Have you seriously got nothing better to do?”
That one stung. I put my head in my hands and I let the tears spill out. They dropped onto the floor, little puddles of worthlessness.
I was just a teacher.
- - - - - - - - - -
My heart hammered against my ribcage, desperate to escape this total mess. Hot, embarrassing tears spilled down my cheeks dripped down onto the floor, hands clasped tightly together as small gasping sobs threatened to come back up.
The noodles sat abandoned on the counter gone cold.
“Shit.”