Work Text:
It's a bitter feeling.
Every window, every glass, I see my own reflection.
And a shadow of someone I've met—his silhouette haunting me.
I pass by stores, my eyes drifting towards chocolates. My gaze lingers longer than I want it to be, and I'd recall that very moment every valentine's.
Sure, there are couples passing by, and I'm used to it already.
Yet it sickens me sometimes, at how my chest tightens, and my heart would hurt as I grasp it. It's like I'm missing something,
Amidst the crowds of pairs interlocking hands and embracing each other, I differ.
I've been avoiding these situations, and I've succeeded almost every time dodging any interaction involving romance between another man.
Except for that memory I'd painfully recall.
That night, beneath the stars, beside the railings.
I ran after him, like my body moved on its own.
But why?
I even blurted out words I never thought I'd dare say.
It hurts to say his name, too.
I'd hug my pillow at night, and suddenly feel a warmth so familiar.
Like being carried...
Whenever a ginger cat would pass by me at a staircase, I'd try my best not to fall.
It just reminds me of that rainy night.
And...the scent of citrus within the cold breeze I'd secretly shiver beneath.
I saw him leave, he promised to come back somehow, someday.
I felt impatient.
I waited, and waited, and no matter who I stumble across,
All I see is his face.
His smile.
His eyes.
I don't want to be in a BL manga—unless it's...Kikuchi.
I don't want to admit how hard I've fallen.
Because it's a bitter feeling.