Chapter Text
I have this issue where I see green in the sky. Not during the day, but during the time just before dusk where you can see the rainbow faintly painting the clouds. Like bathwater. You know what I’m talking about, right?
My name is Leo. I’m an all-powerful being from the planet 778600000. You may have heard of me. Though I appear as a regular human being, I can do things that go beyond the understanding of a mere mortal. To satisfy your curious human brain, some of my abilities consist of flying, teleportation, telekinesis, and depictomancy. I am older than your mind can imagine. To put it into visualization for your tiny encaphalon, I am older than the sun, the moon, and stars combined. If that doesn’t help, perhaps your species is even more hopeless than I imagined to begin with.
My problems are none of your concern. Why do you, a small, dim-witted, skin bearer, care about reading the most powerful demon in this small universe’s issues? However, I will tell you about them anyway because my all powerful, all knowing brain craves empathy.
You see, I live in the biggest palace on 778600000. My not-so humble abode is filled to the brim with shiny earth thinglings, chandeliers, golden thrones, and all the earth consumables you could ever want. My dearest earthling, even my sleeping quarters are made with the finest cotton from the finest lepidopteradactle on my fine planet. So, what is my problem if I have all the things I could ever possibly want?
WELL, YOU FEEBLE MINDED SON OF AN APE YOU SUPPOSEDLY WERE BORN FROM (I don’t care who attacks me, your human theory of evolution makes zero sense. Also, even if you attacked me, you would most certainly die) THE PREVIOUSLY LISTED LUXURIES THAT I OWN IS EVERYTHING YOU COULD EVER WANT. I, an all powerful- I suppose you could say god, imagines much more than even the richest person on your polluted planet could fathom. I estimate that what I’m trying to say is that I want more. I always want more. No matter what I gain, what I buy, what is gifted to me, it is never enough. I am stuck in an endless cycle of wanting more and never being satisfied. Your realm would describe me as “greedy”, “selfish”, “Trump”, however, I am just eccentric.
My first encounter with this problem happened when I was just a young child. One of my male authority figures presented me with a little known earth trinket known as a “stuffed toy”, and I loved my thing so much that I wanted more. When my male authority figure presented me with more “stuffed toys”, I could not stop gathering them. It was an issue. Finally, my authority figures banned me from “stuffed toys”, but to this day the need for more luxuries has not left me. My expedition with stuffed toys was nearly ten expoquabillion years ago, a number your kind has not discovered yet because your researchers are simply incompetent. It takes them years to figure out that there is more to the universe than a couple planets and some burning balls of gas, meanwhile our divine species took about..what am I saying. IT’S COMMON SENSE, HUMANS!
How humans have failed to find so many things and philosophies, I fail to understand. According to the 778600000 Centennially, humans still believe that there are only two human sexes. While our kind does not have a specific sex or gender, schoolteachers have always taught our young about human kind. One of the many things our textbooks covered was human biology and anatomy. While many believe there are only two genders- and some believe there are merely three- my dear human, there are more than thirty different genders that you, yourself can be. In fact, human gender is a scale ranging from female to intersex to male. Humans can be anywhere on that spectrum. Now, the gender roles on 778600000 are also a scale. Our citizens can choose whether they want to be male presenting, female presenting, none, or something different. I have to say, it works much better than your system on earth. However, we do not have sex-assigned genitals, so maybe that’s an advantage for us.
The citizens of my planet do not have a god. Our neighboring planets worship the sun, maybe the moon, I’ve met some alternate species who worshiped earth (they are currently extinct). We do not take our chances with a god for multiple reasons. For one, worshiping a god takes lots of money and time that we simply do not have. Other planets take their resources such as gold and silver straight from earth or from their holy ground, but since the Lode Explosion of 1098569 we do not have that luxury. Second, our people don’t have the faith to believe that a being, thing, or planet alone will save their lives or bring them good fortune. It is not a matter of discipline or how we are raised, it is just how we are born. Instead of one single god, my people worship me. Myself. I. I provide for my kind, and in return, they give me lost earth things, power, and kindness. Why, you ask?
Well, I’m afraid I’ve already answered your dimwitted question. My peasants do not have the capability of blindly following an idol, real or not. Their ruler has to prove to them that they are worthy of their loyalty. I have done just that.