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“How can anyone hate puppies?” Gabriel was complaining to Sam as they walked down a sidewalk together. Gabriel had a large German Sheppard on a leash that kept trying to get ahead of him.
Sam tried to warn Gabriel that maybe he should have picked a smaller dog, but the archangel had waved him off, not even bothering to notice the disbelieving glances that were thrown their way. Obviously more than a few people were skeptical of Gabriel’s ability to hold the dog back, not that he seemed to care.
“I have no idea.” Sam said, in reply to Gabriel’s question. “Dean’s never wanted us to have one though.”
Gabriel wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, well Dean doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Dogs are fantastic.” He made a wild gesture with his free hand, when the dog stopped to sniff at a tree. “Absolutely fantastic.”
Sam smiled at the smaller man and shrugged. “Guess not everyone sees it that way.”
“Those people suck.” Gabriel grumbled. He paused then and looked up at the hunter. “I miss you, you know.”
Sam’s heart skipped, and he tried to ignore the words and what they meant but Gabriel’s sad smile stopped him.
“I’d never admit it, but I guess I always had a weak spot for you, Winchesters.” Gabriel reached up, laying a hand on Sam’s cheek. “Mostly you, though.”
“Gabriel,” Sam breathed, and he could feel the sadness start to spill open, break like a barely healed wound that was pushed too hard. “Please- don’t.”
The dream changed, and just like that Gabriel disappeared, Sam left alone. Always alone.
Sam swallowed, trying to keep back the bitterness, and then he was flung awake, feeling like he could break at any second. He tried to get to the bathroom as quickly and quietly as possible as to not disturb Dean, and he barely made it before he was vomiting up what he had left in his stomach.
The tears followed soon after, spilling down his face in hot embarrassing drops. He wiped them away as best as he could and tried to keep his breathing under control, trying not to think about how Gabriel was gone forever.
It turns out, that it’s harder to do than it appears.
They should have just kept driving. They never should have been at that hotel, if they hadn’t been there, there’s a good chance that Gabriel would never have died. Sam was so fucking stupid. So stupid.
After a while, the tears stopped, and nothing was left but his tiredness, his upset stomach and the headache that refused to go away. He carefully got up and quietly shut the bathroom door, hoping that Dean managed to sleep through it all.
He turned around and looked at his reflection in the mirror, slowly taking deep breaths. His face was damp with tears, his hair messed up, his eyes were red, and there were dark circles under his eyes, making it appear that he hadn’t slept well in weeks. He swallowed, and cleaned up his face as best as he could, before turning around and walking into the room, quietly lying back on the bed.
He hoped that the dream wouldn’t come back. Hoped that he wouldn’t believe it was real again, wouldn’t make him think that Gabriel was alive when he wasn’t.
He wasn’t coming back, and Sam had to let go.
But since when were Winchesters ever good at letting go?
The dream came back the next night.