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Christmas shopping for people that haven’t been in your life for very long is more difficult than Barry thought it would be.
He’s bought for everyone. Joe, Iris, Wally, Cisco, Caitlin – fuck, he’d even managed to find a set of vintage drumsticks for HR. For some reason, though, getting something for Julian is proving extremely difficult.
And Iris, as helpful as she’s trying to be, keeps suggesting things that sound… nice. But not enough. Nothing seems to be good enough. God, why is he so hung up on this? Despite the fact that Jitters is oddly quiet for this time in the afternoon, Barry’s pretty sure he’s never felt so stressed.
“What about something… sciency? Like that periodic table mug I got you when we were kids?” Iris asks over her steaming mocha, and Barry leans back on his chair with a heavy sigh.
It’s a decent enough idea. It’s something they’re obviously both passionate about. That mug had been one of his favourites, too.
Of course, he’d been smitten with Iris at the time, and it sat in the back of his cupboard when Iris and Eddie had started dating and didn’t come back out until he realised that Eddie wasn’t going anywhere. That he had to let go, for everyone’s sake. Thankfully, now it’s just a mug from his best friend. Just as meaningful, but it doesn’t make him ache inside the way that it used to.
But still, it just… doesn’t seem like enough for Julian.
Iris seems to sense his discontent with the idea, because she sits up straight, her face set in a serious expression as though she’s about to give Barry some cold, hard truths that he probably doesn’t want to hear. He shrinks in his chair.
“I think I know what’s going on here.”
Definitely something he doesn’t want to hear, then. He sighs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Iris’ face softens, and Barry’s shoulders stiffen. “Man, you have it bad.”
A prickling heat climbs up Barry’s neck. “What?! I don’t- Julian’s my friend. I don’t like him like… like that.”
“Bear,” she chuckles. “You’ve been trying to come up with something to get him for weeks and you don’t seem to like any of my suggestions. Do you know why?”
Barry crosses his arms, his lips dipping into a frown. Where exactly is Iris going with this? “Why?”
“Because you have feelings for him. And I know you – when you like someone, you go after them with your entire heart and soul. You don’t want to get him a novelty gift because you deal in grand gestures. You always have.”
The first thing Barry wants to do is deny it, but his shoulders sink and he licks his lips nervously, considering what Iris is trying to tell him. He knows that he’d bought a lot of ridiculously overpriced things for Iris just because it was something that she’d been passionate about – including one videotape of a cartoon that she used to love as a kid, because it couldn’t be found anywhere else. That had cost him more money than he’d have liked to admit. Not that he regrets it – not even now. It had made her so happy.
Is it possible that he wants that kind of gesture for Julian? Even as he considers it, he knows the answer.
Iris always knew Barry better than he knew himself. Apparently the only way she’d been oblivious to Barry’s feelings is when they’d been directed at her. He runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a shaky breath.
“I like Julian.”
“Way to go, genius,” Iris grins, taking a sip of her coffee. “So now that we’ve cleared that up – how are you planning on winning his heart?”
Just like that, Barry knows exactly what he’s going to do.
***
To say that Barry’s nervous is a gross understatement. He can’t seem to steady his arms, and he wonders how he’s going to even be able to hand over the damn box to Julian without dropping it.
Not that it’ll take long to find out, because the moment he starts to consider stashing the box under his desk and pretending it isn’t there is the moment Julian enters the lab.
“No need to look so terrified, Allen. I told you, I’m not planning on getting you fired again.”
Barry sighs, ducking his head. Might as well get it over with. “No, I- it’s not- I’m not worried about that.”
Julian’s eyes travel down to the wrapped box, which seems far too heavy in his arms all of a sudden. “What’s that?”
“It’s for you, actually.”
He takes a deep breath, and Julian approaches him, face softening. “I didn’t know we were exchanging gifts. I didn’t get you anything.”
The genuine apologetic tone makes Barry’s heart flutter, but he shakes his head, passing the gift over to him. “It’s not- I didn’t pay for it. It’s more… symbolic?”
Julian’s forehead wrinkles in confusion, but he takes the box regardless, placing it on his desk to open it. It’s not exactly heavy, but it is kind of awkward. Once he gets the giftwrapping off, Barry can’t even look him in the eyes.
“It’s-“
“Stupid, I know. It’s just-“
“Perfect.”
Barry’s shoulders loosen, and he raises his eyes to see Julian clutching onto the gift like it’s a lifeline. He supposes, in a way, it is.
“It’s just… I mean, you said you wanted to, you know, help people. And… we could really use you. My team, I mean. I usually deal with the forensic side of things, but it’s hard for me to do a thorough job when I’m, you know, having to run out most of the time to deal with criminals.“ He scrubs his hand through his hair nervously. “Not that you have to-”
“Allen, you know that thing that you do when you talk too much and don’t give people a time to answer?” Julian huffs, pulling the sweater over him, and Barry can’t help but think that the STAR Labs logo suits him well. It makes him feel all kinds of warm inside.
Julian takes a step forward, a playful grin on on his lips. “You know, just because you gave me a STAR Labs sweater and invited me to join your team doesn’t mean we’re mates.”
A fond chuckle escapes Barry, and he finds himself gravitating towards Julian. “Is that so?”
Rather than use his words, Julian presses his lips to Barry’s, and Barry’s hands tighten around his upper arms – the cotton sweater soft below his hands, and it sets his pulse racing.
“I was thinking that mates doesn’t really describe us,” Julian murmurs against his lips.
Barry can’t help but agree. None of his friends make Barry feel the way that Julian does.