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Growing up Sam was afraid of a lot of things. Not of the monsters under the bed, not of the boogey man, or even of death. No, Sam Winchester was afraid of losing the people he cared about like his brother and even his father. He grew up as normally as being the son of a dedicated military man could, moving around the country often because his father took every opportunity to move on that he could. John Winchester didn’t like staying in one place for too long, said it reminded him of his life before Mary died. So every so often he would pack up his sons and drag them off to another state and another crappy apartment for a few months at a time. His brother Dean didn’t mind moving much, he found entertainment his own way wherever they ended up; Sam, however, did not enjoy moving at all, he hated going to new schools and dealing with new people.
Sam met Gabriel Milton during a summer at Uncle Bobby’s house. John had picked up a new station close to Sioux Falls, and left the boys to stay with Bobby for a while. Sam was 16 and considerably tired of moving around and following his father no matter what and maybe just a bit more rebellious with each passing year, so his sneaking off during the night wasn’t as surprising to Bobby as it was to Dean. Sam would leave after Bobby was asleep, seeing as his brother was out most nights anyway, and would go down to the lake or downtown where he knew there would be parties during the weekends, mostly college students but no one seemed to mind him and he thanked his growth spurts for that. He was level with his brother by then, maybe slightly taller. He’d pick up girls or guys and get completely drunk and let them take him home but he was always back at Bobby’s house before the man was awake.
He met Gabriel at one of the college parties while he was too wasted to think straight and being pressed into a wall by a muscled blond man, who Sam didn’t know the name of. He’d started to feel nauseous and tried to push away from the guy but the blond held strong, Sam knew if he had been sober he could have gotten out easily but his muscles weren’t exactly reacting quickly. A few panicked moments later the guy was pushed out of the way and Sam tumbled into a shorter man with golden hair. Instead of pushing Sam away the man helped him stumble outside the house into the clean air where Sam collapsed to his knees in the grass and groaned.
“Whoa, Kid, warn me if you’re gonna puke so I can jump out of the way, alright?” All Sam answered with was a painful moan. He felt a hand on his forehead smoothing his hair out of his face with a cool hand. He let his head fall back and looked up at the golden haired man and noticed that even in the dark his eyes shined brightly.
“I think I’m good,” Sam shifted on the ground so that he was sitting cross-legged and the guy dropped down next to him. “Thanks, by the way.”
The guy smiled, “Don’t mention it, I’m actually surprised you can still fully communicate. How drunk are you?”
“Not drunk enough,” Sam sighed and the guy frowned shaking his head.
“I beg to differ. Where do you live?”
“I feel like I shouldn’t tell you that, I don’t even know you,” Sam watched the guy for a moment, even as he shrugged.
“Name’s Gabriel Milton and unless you want to stumble head first into traffic, you should let me give you a ride home.” Sam thought about it for a moment and realized that Gabriel was probably small enough that Sam could knock him out if anything odd happened.
“Sam Winchester. And I hope you don’t plan on stalking me or anything.” Gabriel laughed loudly, his head thrown back, and stood to his feet, holding out a hand to help Sam up.
“I’m not making any promises.”
Gabriel had been right not to promise anything because just a few days after dropping Sam off at Bobby’s Gabriel was back. And he kept coming back and taking Sam places during the day. Dean had been wary of him at first until he noticed Sam’s sneaking off had dwindled to a stop.
When John came to make them move at the end of summer, Sam fought him on it, trying his best to convince him that he should stay a Bobby’s and finish his last years of school in one place but John was firm in his decision and Sam had to leave Gabriel and their new friendship behind. That’s what it was that summer, friendship, though it was a lot closer than both of them liked to admit, and Sam knew that he had slowly started to fall for his best friend. Yet, he had to leave him behind.
Every summer from then on Sam spent his time with Gabriel, Dean had joined the military after he turned 18 and left Sam alone most of the time. During the school year it was aggravating to be alone most of the time but he always had summers to look forward too.
The summers were full of lake trips and midnight skinny dipping with just the two of them. The second summer is when they started having sex. They promised each other when it started it was just going to be sex, they weren’t supposed to start having feeling for each other. Their adventures to the small town fair wasn’t supposed to be dates, they weren’t supposed to hold hands as they walked around. Gabriel’s smile shouldn’t have made Sam’s heart speed up. He couldn’t stop it.
It was the summer after he graduated, finally 18 and tired from more than a few brutal fights with John for not wanting to follow in his footsteps, that Sam told Gabriel how he felt.
“It’s a little cruel, don’t ya think? Telling me this knowing full well you’ll have to leave come August,” Gabriel’s words were calm but Sam could see the way his eyes were shut tightly.
“Why would I have to leave? I’m 18, I can start college here. I can get a job,” Sam’s voice was less calm, mostly because he was afraid he was being rejected.
“Don’t promise me things you can’t keep, kiddo,” Gabriel didn’t wait for Sam to say anything else; he left Bobby’s house, got into his car, and drove away. He left Sam on the porch staring after him.
Sam went back downhill after that by going to more parties and drinking, using, and fucking as much as his body could handle. His preferences changed when it came to partners, he started to find golden-haired or honey-eyed people to take him home. Bobby started fighting with him about getting clean after he came home at noon still drunk and coming down from a high. Bobby grabbed him by the ear, Sam knew better than to fight him, and pulled him into the bathroom and in front of the mirror.
“Look at you boy, you look like you haven’t showered in weeks and you’re losing weight. It’s only been three weeks since you got here. What’s the matter with you?” Bobby’s gruff voice made Sam wince. His reflection was frowning, he had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was matted to his face, his shirt was hanging off his shoulders in a messy way and his eyes were still bloodshot from the night before. He shrugged Bobby’s hand off.
“I’m fine, I know what I’m doing,” Sam tried to push around him but Bobby held still, looking up at him from under his cap. He shook his head and left the room. That was the last conversation Sam had with Bobby for a while.
A week later Sam left the house during the night and didn’t come back and Bobby finally contacted Dean. Sam was staying on various couches and beds, using his body to keep him housed and in with his drugs. It didn’t matter what he was using as long as he didn’t have to think. He didn’t want to think anymore, not about his dad who was never around, his brother who left him behind, about Bobby who thought he knew best for him, and not about Gabriel, who didn’t give him a chance.
He was out looking for a new place to crash when a beautiful brunette grabbed his hand and pulled him outside and handed him a drink, she said it was just vodka but he knew better, he just didn’t care. Half a bottle later Sam was puking in the gutter, the pretty girl gone as soon as she realized he wouldn’t be good for a fuck anymore. Sam’s head was pounding and the world around him kept shifting. He was seeing colors that weren’t supposed to be there and everyone that passed by looked like Gabriel. He’d had bad trips before but this one felt different. He heard someone call out to him but when he jerked his head up to the sound his vision blurred and he fell to the ground again.
When Gabriel got the call that Sam had overdosed, he rushed to the hospital as quickly as he could. He was met with the broken faces of both Bobby and Dean, who were waiting for him to show up. Dean nodded his head and turned back down the hallway. Bobby tried to give Gabriel a smile but it failed and the older man motioned for him to follow him in the direction Dean was headed.
Sam’s room was cold. Dean was already there standing next to his little brothers face and biting his lip, trying to stay calm but Gabriel would see the wetness in his eyes and wished he would just let it out. Sam was pale; his hair was pushed away from his face and splayed across the pillow. If it wasn’t for the heart monitor beeping steadily Gabriel would have thought Sam was already gone. He wasn’t nearly as stubborn as Dean, so his tears fell freely as he crossed to the other side of Sam’s bed and took his chilled hand.
“Come on, Sam,” Gabriel’s words were choked, “You’re not supposed to be here. You said you were going to college, and there’s still time to apply for classes. I’ll help you.”
Dean looked over and Gabriel and back to his little brother, a tear betraying him and falling onto the blanket tucked around Sam. He reached out and cupped his brother’s cheek. “Hey little bro, I want you to listen to me okay? I didn’t want to leave you, so you can’t leave me. Dad’s gonna be coming to visit soon and I wanna see you up and moving when he gets here so you can show him that you don’t need him. You’re stronger than this. Sammy, please.”
“The doctors said he was stable,” Bobby’s voice was thick, too, “We just gotta wait it out. No need to start blubbering yet.”
“Bobby, come here.” Gabriel motioned for the old man to come to his side and when he did he wrapped an arm around his waist. That’s all it took for Bobby to break.
“Listen to me you idjit, I let you into my house, and I was supposed to take care of you. You’re making me look like a fool. Get up, boy,” Bobby took off his hat and wiped at his eyes, “I’m still proud of you son, I don’t care what ya did, or who you’ve wrapped yourself up with. Your brother’s right, you’re stronger than this.”
Bobby squeezed Gabriel back for a moment then broke away and walked around the bed to pull Dean against him. Dean crumbled against his shoulder and mumbled something Gabriel couldn’t hear. When Bobby pulled away from Dean finally both of their faces were red. Bobby reached down and patted Sam on the shoulder with a tight smile and told all three of them that he would be waiting outside.
Dean turned to Gabriel after a moment and frowned, “I don’t care what happened between you two. I just want Sammy to wake up.”
Gabriel looked guiltily down at the floor and nodded, “That’s all I want, too.”
Two days later Gabriel finally got to be alone in the room with Sam when Dean left for a few moments to go get some coffee and Bobby had gone home to get him and Dean some clean clothes to wear. Sam’s condition hadn’t changed and Gabriel hated the way Sam’s hand was nonresponsive as he held it.
“Listen to me I’m tired of sitting here and waiting for you to wake up. Your brother is out of tears and I don’t think any of us have slept in days. You’re supposed to grow old with me, you know that right? I’m sorry I got so upset with you, but I couldn’t stand the thought of you loving me if it meant you had to leave me, so I left you. And look where it got us.” A pained laugh, “I need you to wake up, I need you to get out of that bed and call me an idiot and tell me you never want to see me again. I need you to tell me you still love me even though I am that idiot. I need you, kiddo. And you know what? We’ll go to college together, you can get some fancy degree and I’ll pass by the skin of my teeth. Then we’ll get a shitty apartment and I’ll let you adopt a dog after whining about how much it’ll bug me. Just get up. I love you, Sam.”
Nothing in the room changed for another few moments and Gabriel sighed, and pressed a kiss to Sam’s palm. He closed his eyes for a while until the heart monitor started beeping frantically. Gabriel shot up to his feet and glanced at the monitor, Sam’s heart was beating faster and faster. He pressed the call button quickly and bolted for the door. He threw it open and started screaming for a doctor. He was pushed out of the way by a bunch of nurses and thrown into Dean’s chest.
“What did you do?” Dean’s voice was raw as he knocked Gabriel aside to try and get in his brothers room. Gabriel shook his head and pressed in with him. The nurses were calling out to each other and the doctors about things Gabriel couldn’t catch, but still Sam’s heart beat rose. Dean was panicked; his hands gripped his hair as he shouted at the nurses and for his little brother. Gabriel pressed back against the wall and slid to the floor his face in his hands. Please, just let him wake up, everyone in the room shared the same thought.
“Sammy!” The only word Gabriel heard was Dean as the man fell to the floor beside his brother’s bed as the monitor flat lined.
“Time of death called at 2:34 PM.”