Chapter Text
About a week after Lucifer returned from the silver city he was still in a tough place. Chloe hadn't let him return to the LAPD and had insisted he attend therapy with Linda everyday where he said nothing. He sat everyday in his room staring at the ceiling or the painting over the safe; he wanted to open it and hurt himself again but he knew they were all gone.
He chose to instead curl in on himself every day, for hours. He didn't talk, he didn't eat, he faked his sleep, not worth the nightmares, didn't shower, he drank water only when pushed to avoid concern from his brother, Linda, or the detective. He had no energy, partly from the hunger, partly from the exhaustion, and part from the withdrawal from the cuts.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
“Chloe told me you haven't eaten since returning”, Linda stated, warranting a flinch from the man on the couch, “and your face is telling me that you haven't slept either”. He pulled his knees up, turning them with his body toward the bookshelf. Linda continued but his new thoughts were far louder causing him to try to block himself off with humming a song he had played with the detective before.
He knew he looked like a pathetic toddler rubbing his hands together and cramping himself into the corner of the couch. His breathing picked up, his vision blurred and started to turn black as it had every time this had happened since he came back. Amenadiel was waiting outside because Chloe was working and insisted he get a ride.
Then he woke up, on the floor, Amenadiel holding his own face and sitting next to him. Linda wasn't there, likely sent out by Amenadiel like he did with everyone. “Ugggghhh” he said sitting up, his eldest brother guiding him up. He felt his back ache from the fall and felt his brain calm, barely, from the pain.
Taking the groan as a question, Amenadiel responded with, “You fainted, and have a hell of a right hook when you're unconscious,” he explained, a small look of confusion flashing over the consultant's face."I tried to uncurl you and touched the… things”. Drawing out the word the and staring at Lucifer's wrists as he moved them into himself, pressing them into his chest as if they were still injured.
They drove home immediately afterwards, to prevent more passing out or attacks. Lucifer tried to stare out of the window and quiet himself but that ended in him digging his nails into his fist while Amenadiel tried to pry them apart while pulling over so he had two hands.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
At home Lucifer immediately went up the elevator leaning heavily against the railing. He had sped past Amenadiel enough when he was closing the door so he was alone in the room. He wanted to keep it that way, knowing that the detective was off work by now and probably upstairs waiting for him, so he pressed the red emergency stop button. He had done it before while with somebody and a few times during his old habits.
The memories flashed again making Lucifer feel like he was choking and couldn't breathe. As usual ,he sat down in the corner, under the console, trying not to think about his failures, and failing at that. He sat there for about thirty minutes probably causing everyone to worry and a few calls to be made. Amenadiel had climbed the stairs at that time and was in the penthouse.
In the corner he had started to finally breathe enough to reach towards the same red button and the elevator continued upward. Breaking the barrier between a concerned detective and the devil shaking barely breathing somehow shrinking his gigantic form into the small space between the wall and the door.
Chloe stared at the empty, metal, rectangular, room before walking in and turning towards the shivering man staring at his own lap with wide eyes. She pulled him up supporting almost his entire weight and started to move him towards the bedroom.
At the steps he broke away and tried to run, in his starving and exhausted from it was slow. After the first few steps Chloe caught up holding her hands out in case he fell, a pretty regular occurrence. After his fifth step he collapsed but she was there, unable to hold him up all the way but able to lower him slowly to the floor.
There she grabbed his perfectly placed comforter and laid it on top of him, covering his whole body but making sure to double it at his wrists like he had done himself every day and every movement. She moved toward the stairs, eliciting a small weak whine from the man on the floor, she continued pulling out her book and moving back up the stairs sitting on the cool tiles next to the man opening it up and restarting reading.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
For the first time in a full week, Lucifer was actually asleep, the cool tile distracting him from the safe. It was short lived however, ending when he woke up an hour later screaming with a dream of seeing Chloe meet the fate he chose for himself only a week ago. He became a ball letting himself sob into his hideous arms. Had he broken her in his goal to break himself, it was likely. She hated him, no she said she didn't, humans lie. The thoughts catching up to his arguments against them.
A hand touched his wrist not realizing its trajectory. Every touch to a scar brought the pain back making him scramble away, not sure exactly where his target was. He moved his hands up to his head not caring if he could be seen, his sleeves pulled up during his sleep and his shirt partially unbuttoned. Out from under the cover, he ran into the bathroom, the rest rejuvenating his immortal speed at least to the point he was faster than the detective's sprint.