Archive of Our Own

Siyeon looks up from their phone as Bora shifts in the passenger seat for the nth time.

"Would you relax?" Minji asks from behind the wheel. She glances sideways at Bora, her sunglasses catching a ray of sun from the windshield. "She's going to the same place we are. She's not going to vanish."

Bora grumbles and reaches up to tug at the seatbelt that stretches across her chest. "I need to tell her. I need her to know."

"And when we get there, you can tell her," Minji says with a slight shake of her head as she focuses back on the road. "So, stop squirming and just relax. We're not far."

Siyeon glances down and locks their phone, resting the device against their leg. "What if-"

Bora shifts, glancing back at Siyeon. "If she rejects me, at least I'll have told her. I'll have at least gotten my feelings out there." She faces forward again and slumps slightly in the seat. "I need to tell her. I need her to know. I'm so sick of pining after her. It's been years." She looks toward the window with a sigh. "Either something comes of it, or we stay friends. Whatever happens, happens."

"And if she doesn't want to be friends with you after you tell her?" Minji asks, flicking on one of the blinkers to indicate she's turning. She looks back and forth between the driver's side and passenger windows, making sure the road is clear before turning onto a different road.

Bora heaves her shoulders up toward her ears before dropping them with a heavy sigh. "It'll suck but… I have to tell her. It's been eating me alive for the last six years."

Siyeon hums softly. They can understand that. They've been in that situation. Maybe not as long as Bora has been, but they've been there. They're still there.

Bora shifts in her seat, turning toward Minji. "Are you gonna tell them?" She asks, raising an eyebrow.

Minji shrugs one shoulder. "I don't know," She says carefully. "They're already dating, so… I might mess things up if I say anything. They might think I'm a freak or something, wanting to be with them both."

Bora scoffs and rolls her eyes. "As if they don't already think you're freaky," She says with a laugh and a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"I didn't say freaky," Minji corrects softly, her voice dipping into a whisper. "I said freak. They might think I'm a freak, and that's different from being seen as freaky."

"They both like you," Bora says, reaching out to squeeze Minji's forearm. "They like hanging out with you. I don't really see the issue in telling them."

"Of course you don't," Minji says with a soft laugh. "You're gonna tell Yubin you like her regardless of her answer."

"And you should tell Gahyun and Yoohyeon the same!" Bora exclaims, sitting back in her seat with a sigh. She turns her head, looking into the backseat at Siyeon. "And you."

"Please don't drag me into this," Siyeon whines softly as they shrink back against the seat, wanting to disappear.

"You lost the right to not be dragged into this the second you got into the car," Bora says with a wicked grin. "You're gonna tell Dongie, right?"

Siyeon averts their eyes to their shoes.

"Siyeon," Bora prompts, reaching back to tap Siyeon's knee.

"I don't know," Siyeon answers quietly, their voice a whisper.

"Dude, come on," Bora says. "The amount of times we've caught you staring at her is literally insane."

Siyeon just hums, keeping their eyes down and away from Bora's.

"I've seen Dongie staring sometimes, as well," Minji pipes up softly. "At you, I mean."

Siyeon frowns and lifts their head slightly, just enough to meet Minji's eyes in the rearview.

"She's right," Bora agrees. "I've seen Dongie staring at you a few times. Not as often as you stare at her, but… Still."

"You guys are just fucking with me," Siyeon grumbles, picking their phone up off their thigh and swiping their thumb against the screen.

"We're not," Bora says firmly. "She stares at you when you're not looking."

"I think I would've felt it," Siyeon says. "Much like how I can feel you staring at me right now." They lift their eyes from their phone and meet Bora's intense gaze. "See?"

"Okay, well, I don't know, then," Bora says, throwing up a hand before she turns and settles back into her seat. "Maybe you can't feel her looking because she doesn't want you to know she's looking."

Siyeon scoffs and shakes their head, focusing on their phone as they pull up a game to play, hoping to avoid being dragged into another conversation for the rest of the car ride to the beach.

Once the car rolls to a stop and Minji shifts into park, Bora is jamming her fingers against the buckle release and yanking at the car door.

Siyeon rolls their eyes and climbs out of the backseat, shutting the door behind them. "Is she doing it right now?" They ask Minji in a whisper as the older girl joins her by the trunk of the car.

"Seems like she's gonna," Minji responds, pulling the trunk open to retrieve their bags. "Here," She says, handing Siyeon their duffle bag.

Siyeon pulls the strap of their bag over their head and glances over to the other car, where Bora is holding open the back door and helping the occupants out. "I think she's crazy for this."

"Yeah," Minji says with a laugh as she pulls on a backpack that's almost bursting at the seams. "That's Bora for you, I guess."

Siyeon hums and helps Minji wrestle a heavy suitcase from the car's trunk.

"Lee Yubin!"

Siyeon looks over, seeing Bora standing in front of Yubin, the latter pushing her sunglasses up into her hair.

"I like you," Bora announces. "Like… I have had the fattest fucking crush on you since forever."

Yubin blinks, her cheeks taking on a shade of red.

"I don't know why I haven't ever said anything about it to you before, but I'm saying it now because I literally cannot handle it anymore," Bora says, taking a small step back from Yubin. "And I'm now sort of realizing that I've kind of put you in a difficult position by announcing this here and now."

Yubin lets out a laugh at that, shaking her head slightly.

"So, I just want you to know that you have no obligation to be nice to me," Bora says with a nervous laugh.

"Oh, shit," Siyeon whispers.

"What happened to all her confidence from the car ride?" Minji asks softly.

"If you don't want to be friends with me anymore, that's totally okay," Bora continues. "I get it. Like, fully, totally, and completely get it. I understand one hundred percent. And if you still wanna be friends, that's so fucking cool of you."

"Bora," Yubin says, reaching out a hand to the older girl.

"I'm… I don't expect anything," Bora says, ignoring Yubin's hand. "I just… I needed you to know. I needed to say it. I needed to get it off my chest because I-"

Yubin steps forward and presses her lips to Bora's cheek, cutting the girl off. "I like you, too."

Siyeon breathes out a soft laugh.

"I don't know why she got so nervous," Minji murmurs softly. "She started out so strong."

"She did say that she just sorta realized something halfway through," Siyeon points out gently.

"Yeah, true," Minji says.

“Y-you do?” Bora is asking, one hand reaching up to take Yubin's.

"Yeah," Yubin says, stepping back slightly. She twists her wrist to better slide her hand into Bora's and tugs the older girl into her with a smile. "I was just sorta hoping you'd make a move first."

Bora sputters out a laugh and leans forward, her free hand coming up to cup Yubin's cheek. She stops. "Can I kiss you?"

"I'd like that," Yubin answers, her eyes already falling shut.

Siyeon averts their eyes, feeling like maybe they shouldn't be seeing this. In doing so, their eyes land on Handong struggling to pull something from the trunk of Yoohyeon's car. Making their way over to the other car, they give Handong a friendly smile. "Need a hand?"

Handong looks over the tops of her sunglasses at Siyeon and breathes out a soft laugh. "You saw me struggling, didn't you?" She asks, letting go of the handle of a suitcase and stepping back from the trunk.

Siyeon shrugs their shoulders with a smile. "Maybe. Or I just saw…" They trail off, unsure how their words are going to come across.

"Saw what?" Handong asks, setting her hands on her hips.

"Saw a pretty girl in need of help," Siyeon says.

Handong chuckles. "Flirt," She says before she gestures to the suitcase. "Gahyun must've put fucking bricks in this one, I swear."

Siyeon chuckles, glad that Handong didn't think much of their words. "Here," They say, pushing their sleeves up slightly.

"Okay, muscles," Handong teases. She steps out of the way and folds her arms over her chest.

Siyeon swallows and steps forward a bit more, leaning forward to grasp the handle of the suitcase. They can feel Handong's eyes on their back and adjust their grip on the handle, not wanting to completely embarrass themselves in front of her.

"I'm telling you, she put bricks in that fucking thing," Handong says.

Siyeon chuckles and glances over their shoulder, seeing Handong with her sunglasses resting on her hair now. They swallow and turn back to the suitcase, giving the handle a firm tug. It shifts.

Handong says nothing.

Siyeon wrestles the suitcase out of the trunk and sets it heavily on the ground in front of them, huffing out a breath. "Yeah," They puff out. "Fucking bricks."

Handong scoffs and steps closer, reaching out to poke at Siyeon's bicep. "You've been working out."

Siyeon blinks and lifts their eyes to Handong's. "Um," They say, reaching up to curl their fingers around the bicep that was just poked. "Maybe just a little. Nothing really serious. Just here and there."

Handong chuckles and reaches out to ruffle Siyeon's shaggy blonde hair. "Relax. I'm just saying you look good. I'm pretty sure most ladies like strong women."

Siyeon swallows and breathes out a laugh. "Right," They say, their voice coming out a whisper. "Strong women."

Handong blinks and leans in slightly, her eyes searching Siyeon's face. "You okay?" She asks.

"Yeah, just-"

"Hey! Let's go check out the house!" Bora calls loudly, getting everyone's attention.

Handong steps back and grabs the suitcase handle. "C'mon," She says with a smile. "I'm sure the beach will cure whatever's eating at you."

Siyeon pushes a smile onto their face and reaches up to close the trunk. "Yeah," They agree, gesturing for Handong to walk ahead of them. They blow out a breath once Handong is a decent amount of feet in front of them and run their fingers through their hair. Any longer and they might've just spilled everything out to the girl.

Siyeon sets their bag down on one of the beds in the room they're sharing with Handong and sighs.

Handong glances up from where she sits on the other bed, scrolling on her phone. She smiles at Siyeon and sets the device aside. "Took them long enough, don't you think?" She asks.

Siyeon blinks and raises an eyebrow. "Took who long enough?"

"Bora and Yubin," Handong elaborates as she gets to her feet. She moves around her bed and crouches down to unzip her suitcase. "They've both been running in circles around each other for years, it feels like. I'm glad they're finally together."

Siyeon hums and nods their head in agreement. "Yeah," They reply, taking a seat on the edge of their chosen bed. "I'm happy for them. Now I don't have to listen to Bora whine." They exhale a laugh as they fall back against the mattress, shutting their eyes.

Handong chuckles. "Yeah, I'm sure that got pretty old quickly."

Siyeon hums in answer, shifting to spread their arms out across the sheets.

"You mind if I change in here?" Handong asks softly. "Everyone's planning to head down to the beach, so…" She trails off.

Siyeon shakes their head. "Go for it," They reply, keeping their eyes shut.

"Guess it really doesn't matter all that much," Handong says.

"What do you mean?" Siyeon asks, hearing fabric hitting the floor as Handong changes clothes.

"We're both girls," Handong says with a soft laugh.

Something heavy settles onto Siyeon's chest, and they hum quietly. They don't respond to Handong in any other way.

Girl. Woman. Those words just don't seem to fit. Maybe once upon a time, when Siyeon was younger, they fit. But now that Siyeon's older and more aware of their mind and body, those terms don't feel right to them.

For the longest time, they wondered if maybe it was just because of how they wore their hair. Always cutting it short when it reached a certain length. The person in the mirror didn't seem right with long hair. But for a while, it didn't seem like the person in the mirror was the same Siyeon.

The Siyeon in the mirror felt distant. Like there was a disconnection. The Siyeon in the mirror didn't look the way Siyeon felt. The image didn't match.

"Siyeon?"

Siyeon hums.

"You okay?" Handong asks, her voice soft.

Siyeon feels the mattress dip slightly on their left and hums again, keeping their eyes shut. They don't know if Handong is dressed again yet.

"Where'd you go?" Handong's voice is soft and warm, and there's a touch of concern in her tone.

"I haven't moved," Siyeon replies, trying to make a joke.

Handong doesn't take the bait. "You went somewhere," She says. "In here, I think." Her fingers brush Siyeon's temple, the touch featherlight.

Siyeon swallows thickly. They can't. Not yet. It doesn't feel right. But they want to. But it doesn't feel necessary. "I was just thinking."

"About what?" Handong asks.

"About how long it will take Minji to say something to Gahyun and Yoohyeon," Siyeon lies.

Handong is quiet for a little bit before she breathes out a laugh. "Hopefully not long," She says, the mattress shifting as she gets to her feet. "I don't know how much of Minji's yearning I can take."

Siyeon chuckles at that. "Are you dressed?" They ask.

"Yeah," Handong says. "You can open your eyes."

Siyeon hums and does just that, blinking up at the ceiling. They shift their gaze slightly, just enough to see Handong standing by the edge of the bed. They push themself up with a sigh. "Guess we should head down to the beach, then."

"Are you gonna get changed?" Handong asks, moving to pick up her sunglasses from the nightstand.

Siyeon shakes their head, glancing down at their current outfit. Big baggy cargo shorts with a big baggy shirt on top. They glance up at Handong, who's changed into tiny little shorts and a cropped t-shirt. "I'm fine as is."

Handong hums, giving Siyeon a smile. "Very true," She says.

Siyeon blinks, their face feeling warm.

Handong then laughs and offers Siyeon her hand. "C'mon. Let's go."

Siyeon sits on a towel and hugs their knees to their chest, resting their chin against their legs.

Bora and Yubin are in the water, standing in front of each other, talking. They're both smiling brightly.

Siyeon glances to their left, seeing Minji sitting on another towel by herself, legs crossed in front of her, as she watches Gahyun and Yoohyeon work together to build a sand castle.

"You can join them, you know," Handong pipes up from the chair she's lounging in on the other side of Minji.

Minji's jaw clenches, and she reaches forward to dig her fingers into the sand. "I'll mess it up."

"How do you know if you don't try?" Handong prompts gently, shifting as she turns to look at Minji. She reaches up and pulls her sunglasses down slightly, peering at Minji over the tops of them.

Minji shrugs her shoulders and pulls her hands out of the sand with a sigh. "I'm… I'm just scared."

"You?" Siyeon asks, surprised. Since they've known Minji, the older girl has always seemed fearless. Always leading the charge, always standing up for what she believes is right. But to hear the older girl admit to being scared of messing things up, it makes Siyeon's heart squeeze tight in sympathy.

"Yeah," Minji says with a soft laugh. "Me."

"What're you scared of?" Handong asks, pushing her sunglasses up to rest on her hair as she sits up in the chair.

"Just… Of messing things up," Minji says.

"We're not talking about the sandcastle anymore, are we?" Siyeon asks, shifting on their towel.

Minji pulls in a breath and holds it for a few seconds before shaking her head as she exhales. "No," She whispers. "I don't think so."

"What would you be messing up?" Handong prompts gently.

"Just… Everything," Minji answers with a shrug. "They're already together. They don't need a third person. They might not even want a third person. That'd be weird."

"You think they think it'd be weird," Handong points out. "You don't actually know what they think about having a third person."

Minji sighs and glances up at Handong. "It's just weird," She says, looking away from Handong.

"Do you think it's weird?" Siyeon asks quietly. "Or are you just saying that because it's not really accepted in society?"

Minji hesitates, pulling in a breath. "I… Yeah. That."

Siyeon hums softly and looks down at the sand in front of their towel.

"Well, society can go kick rocks," Handong says with a huff. "Who gives a shit about what other people think, Minji? If you like them and want to be with them, at least tell them. Instead of sitting here, wondering and wallowing in self-pity."

"I am not wallowing!" Minji exclaims loudly. She shrinks a bit when Gahyun and Yoohyeon look up from their castle and over at the trio. "I'm not wallowing."

"You're doing something," Handong says. "And it hurts to see, I won't lie."

Minji scoffs and shoves herself up from her towel, stomping down the beach. She comes to a stop close to Gahyun and Yoohyeon.

The pair looks up at the older girl with smiles, and they invite her to help them with their creation.

Siyeon glances over at Handong just in time to see the girl roll her eyes. "It's a start," They say softly as Handong pulls her sunglasses from her hair.

"Yeah," Handong says with a nod, slipping the glasses over her eyes. "It's better than nothing."

"Okay, girls!"

Siyeon swallows a mouthful of oatmeal and feels it drop into their stomach like a brick. They look up from their bowl to find Handong watching them with a strange look. "What?"

Handong blinks and shakes her head with a smile before looking over to where Minji stands in the middle of the kitchen.

Siyeon looks over as well, wondering what plans Minji has for today.

They've been at the beach house for one day now, and Bora and Yubin are glued together at the hip. The pair haven't gone anywhere without each other. The sleeping arrangements changed from Bora sharing a room with Minji, to Bora and Yubin sharing a room and Minji having a room to herself.

"I think we should go into town and get some supplies for a fire tonight," Minji says, smiling at the group. "Hot dogs, burgers, chips. Things like that."

"Drinks?" Bora asks, her arm wrapped around Yubin's waist.

"Of course," Minji says with a grin as she looks over at Bora.

"Oh, we should see if we can find sparklers!" Yoohyeon exclaims with a big grin.

Gahyun nods in agreement, smiling at Yoohyeon. "Oh!" She exclaims, turning to look at Minji. "S'mores!"

Minji's grin widens, and she nods her head, taking a step toward the counter. "Okay, let me make a list." She opens a drawer and digs around in it for a bit before coming up with a pad of paper and a pen. "Okay. Hot dogs, burgers, chips, drinks."

"Sparklers!" Yoohyeon chimes in.

"Marshmallows, graham crackers, chocolate," Gahyun lists off.

"Hot dog and hamburger buns," Handong adds.

Minji nods as she scribbles everything onto the pad of paper. "Alright. Anything else?"

"Condiments," Bora says.

"Right, right," Minji says, hunching back over the pad of paper.

"I think that's everything," Yubin says, leaning into Bora's side with a smile. "The real question is, who's going to the store?"

"I'll go!" Yoohyeon says, raising her hand.

"Me too," Gahyun says.

"Well, we could all go," Minji points out.

"Yeah, but if we all go, that means taking both cars," Yubin says. "Not really fuel efficient."

"Alright, better question," Bora says with a shake of her head. "Who doesn't want to go?"

Siyeon shifts in their seat and lifts their hand up. They don't really feel like running around in a grocery store.

"Okay," Minji says with a nod toward Siyeon. "My car only has five seats, unfortunately. So-"

"I'll stay," Handong pipes up before Minji can finish her sentence. "I'll keep Siyeon company." She looks over at Siyeon with a smile.

"Alright," Bora says. "That's settled. We should go get dressed and then head out."

Minji nods her head and picks up the list. "Here," She says, handing it to Handong. "If you think of anything while we get dressed."

Handong nods and takes the list and pen from Minji and sets them on the counter. The rest of the group leaves the room, and she turns to look at Siyeon.

Siyeon stirs their bowl of oatmeal, looking at the list. "I can't think of anything else to add."

Handong hums, clicking the pen twice. "Oh. Sunscreen."

Siyeon nods and watches Handong write it down. They're not sure why, but their eyes seem to get stuck on the back of Handong's hand as the girl scribbles on the paper.

"Siyeon?"

Siyeon blinks and lifts their eyes to Handong's, seeing the little furrow in the girl's brow. "What?"

"You keep zoning out," Handong says gently. "Is everything okay?"

Siyeon swallows and nods their head. "Yeah. Just tired, I guess."

Handong hums softly and reaches out to set her hand on Siyeon's forearm. "Trouble sleeping?"

"Yeah," Siyeon says, moving their eyes to stare at Handong's hand on their arm. "I have trouble falling asleep in new places sometimes."

"Aw," Handong coos softly, but there's nothing patronizing about her tone. Nothing but sympathy. "That happens to me sometimes."

Siyeon hums.

"You know what helps?" Handong asks, squeezing Siyeon's arm gently. "Or what I've found that helps, I guess."

"What?"

"Sleeping next to someone you know," Handong says with a slight smirk.

Siyeon blinks. They swallow hard, feeling their heart pounding in their chest. Handong doesn't know. There's no way she knows. Because if Handong did know, she wouldn't be suggesting that. She wouldn't even consider it.

"I know you and Bora are best friends," Handong says after a bit of silence, her smirk fading. "But I don't know if you'll be able to separate her from Yubin."

Siyeon's heart calms down, and they hum softly, averting their eyes to their bowl of oatmeal. "Right."

"And Minji's rooming by herself now that Yubin and Bora are together, and I know you're close with her as well," Handong continues.

Siyeon hums, the oatmeal settling like a layer of cement in their stomach.

"Or…" Handong trails off. She pulls in a breath and lets it out slowly. "I… I'm literally in the same room as you. And you know me."

Siyeon stares down at their oatmeal, their cheeks aflame.

"Just… Just a suggestion."

Siyeon sits on the porch and stares out over the ocean, watching the waves hit the sand.

"Hey," Handong says, stepping out onto the porch and sliding the glass door shut behind her. "You've been out here for a while."

Siyeon hums softly, keeping their eyes on the ocean. The ever-crashing waves and the shifting tide. The sand being pulled from the beach.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Siyeon answers, their voice coming out as a whisper. They shift slightly in their chair and turn their head to look up at Handong. "Just thinking."

"About what?" Handong asks, taking a seat in another chair. She leans forward, elbows resting on her knees, and gives her full attention to Siyeon.

Siyeon swallows and turns back toward the ocean. "Me, I guess."

Handong hums quietly. "Are they nice thoughts?"

Siyeon shrugs. "They feel confusing, to be honest," They reply, letting out a soft laugh.

"Confusing how?"

"Just… I don't know." Siyeon pulls in a breath, their heart in their stomach. "I-"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Handong says softly when Siyeon cuts themself off.

Siyeon blows out a breath and shakes their head, looking over at Handong with a watery smile. "I want to," They whisper. "I just… I don't know where to start, and I'm scared."

"It's okay," Handong whispers, reaching out to gently take Siyeon's hand in hers. "You have nothing to be scared of, okay?" She squeezes Siyeon's hand firmly. "I promise."

Siyeon squeezes Handong's hand back tightly and shuts their eyes, feeling the sting of tears. "I-"

"We're back!"

"Damn," Handong whispers softly.

Siyeon opens their eyes and lets out a laugh, reaching up with their free hand to wipe their eyes. It's like the universe is telling them not to speak, not to say anything. Maybe it's a sign.

"Hey," Handong says as Siyeon starts to pull away. "I'm here. Whenever you want to talk. About anything. I'm here, okay?"

Siyeon swallows hard and nods, squeezing Handong's hand gently before letting go. "I know. Thank you."

Handong nods, her eyes searching Siyeon's face. "Anytime."

"Girls?" Minji's voice calls from inside.

Siyeon clenches their jaw, and they know Handong sees it. They see Handong's eyebrows pull together slightly. Shit. They get to their feet in a rush and hurry inside, leaving Handong on the porch.

Minji's drunk.

Everyone's a bit tipsy, but Minji is definitely drunk.

Siyeon knew it was going to happen as soon as the drinks were brought out, but they didn't think it'd happen so quickly.

They're gathered around a fire pit on the beach, sitting in beach chairs. They've finished their little barbecue, and all the food has been put away. Most of it anyway.

Gahyun and Yoohyeon are making s'mores and seemingly in their own little world. Completely oblivious to Minji's heavy stare.

Siyeon shifts in their seat, their eyes on the fire. They can feel eyes on them from the left and realize that Handong is looking their way.

"Hey, I think you've had enough," Bora says.

Siyeon looks up, seeing Bora gently pulling a beer bottle from Minji's hand.

Minji scoffs and slumps in her seat, staring across the fire at Yoohyeon and Gahyun.

"Oh, boy," Handong whispers.

Siyeon hums, not turning to look at the girl. They keep their eyes on Minji, watching the older girl.

Minji leans forward in her chair. "Toni."

Yoohyeon looks up from the marshmallow she's holding out over the fire.

"Pretty," Minji mumbles.

Yoohyeon blinks and then breathes out a laugh, glancing at Gahyun with a goofy smile.

"Pretty Gahyunie, too," Minji slurs.

Gahyun chuckles softly, shaking her head as she squishes a marshmallow in between two graham crackers with a piece of chocolate.

Minji shifts, tipping her head back against her chair with a groan. "I just wanna kiss two people and not have to worry about anything."

Siyeon blinks. They hadn't expected that.

Everyone around the fire seems to go still at Minji's words.

Handong glances at Siyeon.

Bora glances toward Yoohyeon and Gahyun.

Yoohyeon and Gahyun stare at Minji.

Minji tips her head forward and lifts her right hand, pointing across the fire at Yoohyeon and Gahyun. "You," She whispers.

Siyeon feels their eyes widen and they glance over at Yoohyeon and Gahyun, who seem relatively unfazed.

Minji turns her hand over and crooks her index finger back toward herself in a come-here motion.

Siyeon glances at Handong, who looks back with wide eyes. Siyeon looks back at Minji, whose hand is still hovering in the air.

"Please," Minji whispers, her voice sounding strained.

Yoohyeon and Gahyun share a quick look before Yoohyeon hands her marshmallow stick over to Siyeon.

Siyeon takes the stick and watches Yoohyeon and Gahyun make their way around the fire to Minji's side. "Is this happening?" They ask, leaning toward Handong to be heard.

"I think so," Handong murmurs, holding Gahyun's half-eaten s'more. "I just hope none of them regret it when they're sober."

Siyeon hums in agreement and averts their eyes to the fire as Minji reaches up to gently pull Yoohyeon into a kiss.

"My turn," Gahyun whines softly.

Siyeon glances toward Handong, whose eyes are on the half-eaten s'more in her hand.

"Binnie," Bora murmurs. "C'mere."

Siyeon feels like they shouldn't really be here anymore. They turn to face Handong, who looks up from the s'more. "You wanna go walk along the beach or something?"

Handong nods quickly, letting out a soft laugh. She looks at the s'more in her hand, hesitates briefly before tossing it into the firepit, and gets to her feet, offering her hand to Siyeon. "Yeah. Let's get out of here."

Siyeon gets up and bends down to stick Yoohyeon's marshmallow stick into the sand to keep it upright. They take Handong's hand and let the girl pull them away from the fire, walking quickly toward the shore.

"Jeez," Handong breathes once they're some distance away. "I didn't think that was going to happen like that."

"Yeah," Siyeon replies, looking down at their still joined hands. "I thought Minji would eventually say something, but I figured she'd be sober when she did it."

Handong hums softly. "I just hope none of them regret it tomorrow."

"Yeah," Siyeon agrees softly. They squeeze Handong's hand gently, enjoying the way their hands fit together.

"Do you wanna go sit?" Handong asks, lifting her free hand to point to a small rocky outcropping a few feet away.

Siyeon looks up from their joined hands and nods. "Yeah."

They sit in silence for a while, both of them just staring out at the ocean.

Siyeon hugs their knees to their chest and rests their chin against their legs, sighing softly.

Handong shifts slightly. "What were you gonna say earlier? Before Minji and the others got back."

Siyeon swallows and shifts, tipping their head down to press their forehead to their knees.

"You don't have to tell me," Handong says quickly. "Not if you don't feel comfortable."

"I think you're the only one I feel comfortable telling right now," Siyeon says with a soft laugh.

Handong exhales softly at that. "Well, still. You don't have to tell me. I just… Something's bugging you, I can tell, and I really don't want you to spend these two weeks feeling like you don't have anyone to talk to, you know?"

Siyeon hums and turns their head, looking at Handong as they continue to rest their head against their knees. "I…" They trail off and lift their head, unable to keep looking at Handong. They're scared. So they turn to face the ocean again.

"Take your time," Handong says softly. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Siyeon hums softly, but they know there's always a chance that Handong gets uncomfortable once they tell her and the girl leaves. They swallow around a lump in their throat and pull in a breath.

"I don't feel like the words woman and girl fit me anymore," Siyeon whispers. "I don't think either of those have fit me for a long time."

Handong is silent.

Siyeon fidgets, digging their fingers into their shins as they keep their eyes locked on the dark horizon. Their stomach is tying itself into tight knots, and there is something sitting heavy on their chest. "But I don't think boy and man fit either. I'm just… I'm Siyeon."

"And for the longest time, I thought…" Siyeon trails off, reaching up to brush their hands over their shaggy hair. "I thought it was just because I liked wearing my hair short. I never… I never put much thought into my gender before. But I don't think I really have one. I'm just me."

Handong hums softly, the sound barely making it to Siyeon's ears.

"But… When I look in the mirror, the person staring back doesn't seem like me," Siyeon whispers, shutting their eyes tightly as they feel tears welling up. "It's like there's a wall between them and me. Like… I know it's me, but it doesn't look like me. You know? Does… Does that make any sense?"

"I think so," Handong whispers. "The you that's in the mirror doesn't fit with the Siyeon that you see yourself as? Or envision in your head?"

Siyeon nods. "Yeah. Exactly." They hug their legs tighter to their chest. "Like… There are things about my body that I would like to change. Or just get rid of entirely."

Handong hums. "Can I ask you something?"

Siyeon nods their head.

"What… You said that woman and girl don't feel like they fit, but boy and man don't fit either," Handong starts, her voice soft and a bit nervous.

Siyeon hums.

"So… What pronouns do you use?"

Siyeon swallows. "Any of them," They answer. "But they/them feel the best, I think. Like… I don't mind if someone uses she/her or he/him for me, but they/them fit better, I think."

"Okay," Handong says softly. "And… Your name."

"I don't think I'm changing it," Siyeon replies quietly. "I like my name. I just… I'm not a woman. I'm not a man. I'm just Siyeon. You know?"

"I think so," Handong says.

"And… I think I prefer more masculine things over feminine." Siyeon shifts, letting out a breath. "Like… If someone were to compliment my appearance, I think I'd rather be called handsome and things like that over pretty or beautiful."

Handong hums. "Okay."

Siyeon opens their eyes and glances sideways at Handong. "You've said okay a bunch but…" They trail off, swallowing thickly. "Is it really?"

Handong blinks, her eyes going wide. "What?"

"Is… Are you really okay with this? With me?"

Handong's mouth drops open, and she stares at Siyeon in stunned silence for a few agonizing seconds.

"Sorry," Siyeon whispers, shutting their eyes and tucking their head into their knees. They shouldn't have said anything. They've made Handong uncomfortable, and now the girl probably doesn't want to be around them anymore. Maybe she'll see about switching rooms with someone. Or she'll sleep on the couch in the living room. Or most likely, kick Siyeon out of the room completely and make them sleep on the couch.

"Siyeon."

Siyeon hums softly, shrinking into themselves.

"Are you okay?"

Siyeon hesitates. “Me?”

"Yeah, you," Handong says with a soft laugh. "You just spilled your heart out to me, and you're worried that I'm not okay with it?"

Siyeon swallows.

"You're ridiculous," Handong whispers, shifting to sit closer to Siyeon. "Can you look at me?"

Siyeon hesitates.

"It's okay if you don't want to," Handong says quickly. "But I need you to listen to me, okay?"

Siyeon nods and bites their lip hard, hoping that Handong will be somewhat nice to them.

"You're important to me," Handong whispers, her shoulder bumping Siyeon's as she leans into their side. "So much more important than you know, okay? Whoever you choose to be, I'll still love you."

Siyeon blinks. "Still?"

Handong hums, letting out a nervous laugh. "Yeah. I love you. You're one of my best friends."

Siyeon's heart thumps hard once before settling down. Right. Friends love each other.

"And however and whoever you end up being, I will still love you. I will always love you. No matter what, okay? And no, this doesn't make me uncomfortable. Just so we're clear." Handong drapes her arm around Siyeon's shoulders and squeezes gently. "I've always been comfortable around you."

"But-"

"But nothing. You're still you. You're still my best friend. Sure, some things have changed, but you're still you. You're still the person that I love." Handong lets out a breath and turns her head to press her lips to Siyeon's temple. "You're still Siyeon."

Siyeon hums softly, letting themselves relax into Handong's side. The kiss felt nice. The hug feels nice. Everything feels nice. Handong is nice. Even if she just thinks of Siyeon as a best friend and nothing more. It's still nice. It's nice having a friend like Handong. A friend who understands. A friend who listens.

"I'm here," Handong whispers. "And I'm always gonna be here, okay? I'm not going anywhere just because you've changed your pronouns. I love you."

Siyeon swallows around the lump in their throat and nods. "I love you, too."

"You better," Handong mumbles against Siyeon's hair with a laugh. "Are you going to tell the others?"

"I should," Siyeon murmurs. "I just… I don't know how. Or when. I don't… I just… I don't know. It feels like it's not that big of a deal, you know? I just… I don't want it to be a big deal. I just don't have a gender. It doesn't feel like a big deal to me." They fiddle with their fingers.

"Or maybe it doesn't feel like you should make it a big deal?" Handong asks.

"Yeah. Maybe that," Siyeon agrees softly. "I don't want to… I don't want to inconvenience anybody, I guess."

"And why would this inconvenience them?" Handong asks.

Siyeon shrugs. "I'm changing my pronouns. That's… They're gonna have to get used to calling me they/them, and that might be hard. But, like I said, I don't mind she/her. But they/them just feels better."

Handong sighs softly. "I think that anyone who has trouble calling you by your preferred pronouns is the one with the issues. If they respect you, they'll use the pronouns you want them to."

Siyeon hums and shrugs their shoulders. "I guess, but-"

“No buts about it,” Handong says. "If they love you, they won't have any issues. And everyone here loves you, Siyeon. I know that." She squeezes Siyeon close and presses another kiss to their temple. "But you don't have to tell them until you're ready to. This is your thing to share, and you can take your time."

Siyeon flops onto their bed with a sigh.

Handong chuckles, digging around in her suitcase for her pajamas. "Comfy?" She asks, standing up with a bundle of clothes in her arms.

Siyeon hums, shifting slightly to rest their head against the pillows. "Yeah. I guess."

Handong shakes her head with a laugh and clutches her pajamas to her chest. "Is it still cool if I change in here? Or would you rather me go change in the bathroom?"

Siyeon blinks and pushes themselves up onto their elbows, frowning at Handong. "I… I'm fine with it. I would think it'd be the opposite."

Handong lifts an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Siyeon sits up fully and fiddles with their hands in their lap. "Just… Since I'm…" They shrug and gesture to themself. "I just figured you wouldn't be comfortable with me being in the room while you get changed. I can-"

Handong quickly moves to prevent Siyeon from getting up, leaning down and pressing her hands to Siyeon's shoulders. "Stop."

Siyeon swallows thickly and stops. They stare up at Handong and shrink slightly at the girl's intense gaze.

"I told you before," Handong says softly, squeezing Siyeon's shoulders. "I'm comfortable with you. And that's not going to change just because you don't have a gender, okay? Just because you use they/them pronouns. You're still you. You're still Siyeon, and I still love you."

Siyeon nods their head.

"You're still respectful of my privacy," Handong says gently. "I know you won't look. I know you wouldn't look any other time before."

Siyeon nods again. "I wouldn't," They whisper.

"I know," Handong says with a soft laugh. "That's why I'm fine with you being in the room while I change. I just wanted to know if you were still okay with me changing in here."

"Yeah," Siyeon says. "I'm still fine with it. I… Why did you ask?"

"I wanted to make sure that you were comfortable with it," Handong says. "Even if I'm comfortable with you being in here while I change, you might not be comfortable with me changing with you still in the room. That's why I asked."

"Well, I am," Siyeon says quietly.

"Okay." Handong squeezes Siyeon's shoulders and straightens up again. "Lay back down and shut your eyes, then."

Siyeon does as told and flops back onto the mattress, shutting their eyes tightly. They can hear cloth rustling as Handong gets changed and they blow out a slow breath.

They've never much considered their comfort in the matter. They would understand if Handong didn't want them to stay in the room while the girl got changed, but they'd never considered the opposite.

Of course, they would never sneak a peek. Handong is their friend, and that would be weird. Plus, if Handong knew how Siyeon really felt about her, the girl would probably kick her out and demand to switch rooms.

Oh god. Are they being gross and skeezy by not telling Handong? They should tell her. Because the girl would most likely have different opinions if she knew how Siyeon felt.

"Dong."

"Siyeon," Handong says. "I'm almost done. Keep your eyes shut."

"I will," Siyeon says. They swallow hard. "I… I just…" They trail off, unable to work up the courage. Their stomach twists itself into tight knots, and they start to feel sick. God, they're gross for not saying anything. It feels like lying to not say anything. Because if Handong knew, she wouldn't-

"What is it?" Handong asks, cutting through Siyeon's thoughts.

"I… I have to tell you something important." Siyeon's fingers dig into the sheets.

"I'm listening," Handong says softly. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm here."

Siyeon feels the mattress dip on their left side, and they shift away from it.

"I'm dressed, by the way," Handong says. "You can look at me if you want."

Siyeon opens their eyes and looks up at the ceiling for a few seconds before shifting their gaze to the left. They see Handong looking at them and clench their jaw. "I…"

Handong smiles, warm and inviting.

"I'm sorry for not telling you before," Siyeon whispers, squeezing their eyes shut tightly as tears start to well up. They're terrified. What if they tell Handong and she kicks them out of the room? What if she hates them for keeping it from her? What if she thinks that they're gross? Disgusting? What if she never wants to see or talk to them again?

"Hey," Handong says, moving to lie down beside Siyeon. "Breathe. Please. It's okay."

Siyeon pulls in a shaky breath. They feel Handong brush hair behind their ear and lean slightly away from the touch. They can't let themself indulge in something when they haven't even told the truth yet.

"What is it?" Handong asks softly.

"I like you," Siyeon breathes. "And I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

Handong hums softly, but says nothing. She shifts and rests her hand against Siyeon's collarbone, brushing her thumb back and forth against Siyeon's shirt.

"I should've said something," Siyeon whispers. "Before you offered to sleep next to me. And maybe before I told you about me."

"Why?" Handong asks.

"Because if I told you before all that, maybe… Maybe I would've had a chance? I don't know." Siyeon grips the sheets tightly in their hands, hoping Handong lets them down gently.

"And… And I hope you don't think that I did this to try and get you to be closer to me as like a creepy-"

"Nope," Handong says, cutting Siyeon off. "None of that."

"Huh?"

"Siyeon, I like you, too," Handong says with a soft laugh. "Jesus, Siyeon, I told you I love you!"

"I thought you meant like-"

"Platonically?" Handong asks.

"Yeah," Siyeon whispers. "I thought that's what you meant. That's…"

"That's why you said it back?" Handong questions, her voice soft and a bit sad.

"I didn't… I…” Siyeon trails off, pulling in a breath. "I like you. A lot. Like… I wanna date you, but if you don't wanna date me, that's okay. I… I understand."

"Why wouldn't I wanna date you?"

"Because I'm… I don't know. I don't fit." Siyeon shifts, rolling over onto their side to face away from Handong.

"Hey, come on," Handong says, shifting to press herself against Siyeon's back. "Don't run away from me. Not now, please." She drapes her arm over Siyeon's waist and presses her face into the space between Siyeon's shoulder blades. "And what do you mean, you don't fit?"

"I don't fit," Siyeon whispers, curling up into a ball. "Girlfriend doesn't fit me, and I don't know if I like the term boyfriend."

Handong hums. "What about partner?" She asks.

Siyeon shrugs. "I don't know. Nothing seems to fit. It's all so… So…"

"Gendered," Handong says softly.

"Yeah," Siyeon agrees. "I just… I don't know."

"Do you wanna date me?"

"Yes," Siyeon whispers quickly. "I do. I really do, but-"

"Then, let's date," Handong says.

"But-"

"You'll be my Siyeon, and I'll be your girlfriend," Handong cuts in. "Does that sound okay?"

"Your Siyeon," Siyeon whispers. That sounds nice. That sounds really nice.

Handong hums. "If you want," She says softly. "Obviously, I don't have to call you that if you don't like it, but… I'd like to be your girlfriend, if that's okay with you."

Siyeon hums and shifts slightly, slowly rolling over to face Handong. "I'd like that," They whisper.

Handong smiles and presses her lips to Siyeon's forehead. "Me too."

Siyeon reaches out to fiddle with the hem of Handong's tank top and breathes out a sigh. "I think… I think I'd like to be your Siyeon."

Handong grins and bumps their foreheads together. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Siyeon whispers.

"My Siyeon."

"Yours," Siyeon whispers. They shift slightly and drape an arm over Handong's waist. "Can…" They trail off.

"What is it?"

"Can you… Can you call me handsome?" Siyeon whispers, shutting their eyes tightly as their face heats up. It sounds like a silly request when they say it aloud, but they really just want to hear-

"My handsome Siyeon," Handong whispers, lifting her hand to brush Siyeon's hair back behind their ear.

Siyeon shifts closer and buries their face into Handong's neck with a soft exhale.

"Okay?" Handong asks, wrapping her arms tightly around Siyeon's back.

"Yeah," Siyeon whispers. "More than okay. Thank you."

"Anytime," Handong says, running her hands up and down Siyeon's back in a soothing manner. "I've got you."

When Siyeon wakes up, they're still wrapped in Handong's arms. Sometime during the night, they had scooted down the bed and tucked their head underneath the girl's chin. Which means that, currently, their head is cradled against Handong's chest.

Siyeon doesn't move. They hardly dare to breathe. They know Handong wants to date them and that they kind of agreed to do that, but they didn't really talk about it all that much before they both fell asleep.

Handong shifts slightly and sighs softly. "Morning," She mumbles, her voice deepened and rough with sleep.

"Morning," Siyeon whispers, staying as still as they possibly can. They hope Handong doesn't think they're a pervert.

"Mm," Handong hums softly, squeezing her arms tight around Siyeon. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine," Siyeon answers. They'd slept decently. Better than the night before. They should say that. Let Handong know that her presence beside them had helped them sleep through the whole night. "Better than yesterday."

Handong hums again and shifts down the bed, resting her chin on Siyeon's shoulder and bumping her forehead against their temple. "Good," She murmurs. "So…" She trails off, shifting slightly to press the tip of her nose into Siyeon's cheek. "Would it be okay for me to assume that the other bed is going to stay empty for the rest of our stay?"

Siyeon swallows. "I… I mean… Yeah, but if you ever get uncomfortable sleeping here, you can always-"

"No," Handong cuts in, her voice soft and sleepy. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" Siyeon asks, their voice fading into a whisper.

"Stop being mean to yourself," Handong whispers. "I'm not uncomfortable with you, Siyeon. I'm very comfortable with you. I like being around you. I like being near you."

Siyeon is quiet. They don't know what to say. They don't know if any words would even come out if they tried to speak.

"Do you want me to sleep over there?" Handong asks, her voice becoming less sleepy-sounding by the second.

Siyeon shakes their head. "No. I just…" They trail off, shrugging gently as they don't want to jostle Handong's head too much.

"I know it's still an option," Handong says. "I know that I don't have to sleep next to you for the rest of the stay, but I want to, okay? Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah," Siyeon whispers, shutting their eyes with a nod of their head. "It is."

"Okay," Handong says. She's quiet for a few seconds before she shifts. "Siyeon?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm proud of you."

Siyeon opens their eyes and blinks, staring up at the ceiling. "What?"

"I'm proud of you," Handong repeats, her words soft and gentle. "Really proud of you."

Siyeon shifts and turns their head to look at Handong. "For what?"

"For being brave enough to be yourself," Handong says with a smile. "For telling me."

Siyeon swallows hard. "I… I was scared," They admit softly.

Handong hums, reaching out to brush Siyeon's hair away from their face.

"I was afraid that you wouldn't… I know I shouldn't have been scared, but I was scared you wouldn't accept me," Siyeon whispers, shutting their eyes tightly. "I was terrified of you just… Just…” They trail off, shaking their head. They can feel tears stinging at their eyes and bring a hand up to press against them.

"Hey," Handong says, setting one hand on the side of Siyeon's head. "I'm right here."

"You're right here," Siyeon agrees softly, feeling Handong's hand brush over their hair in a soothing manner. "Here. Still here."

Handong hums. "Still here," She agrees. "And I don't plan on going anywhere. Okay? So just… Take a deep breath for me, please."

Siyeon pulls in a breath, feeling their lungs expand and their shoulders lift.

"There," Handong says. "Now, let it out. Nice and slow."

Siyeon exhales slowly, letting the air out through their teeth.

"There you go. Keep breathing just like that." Handong shifts slightly, running her fingers through Siyeon's hair. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, Siyeon. I love you."

Siyeon sniffles and bites their lip.

"It's okay if you can't say it back. It's okay if you don't want to. I just need you to know," Handong whispers.

"I… I want to," Siyeon whispers, sniffling as they pull their hand away from their face. "I just… I want to mean it when I say it."

Handong hums.

"And right now, I don't… I don't know if it's love just yet, you know?" Siyeon asks, hoping that they're not fucking everything up.

"Yeah," Handong says. "I get it. I understand. I promise I do. So just take your time, okay? Whenever you're ready to say it, I'll be here. I'll be right here."

Minji claps her hands together and calls out, "Girls!"

Handong glances at Siyeon with a tense smile, her eyes searching Siyeon's face with a touch of concern.

Siyeon swallows and pulls in a breath, shrugging their shoulders. They know Minji isn't addressing them directly. They know Minji is just calling out to all of them to get their attention. But something still twinges in Siyeon's chest. Something settles on their shoulders, and it's feeling like more and more that they're living a lie.

"What's up?" Bora asks, splashing through the water toward the shore with Yubin in tow.

"Everything okay?" Yoohyeon asks, standing up from where she's been crouching over another sand castle with Gahyun.

"Yeah, everything's fine!" Minji says with a smile. "I was just wondering if we wanted to get some pictures of all of us together?" She holds up a camera, looking around at the group.

"Yeah," Gahyun says, standing up and brushing sand from her hands. "That sounds fun."

Minji grins and looks around at the rest of the group. "Well?" She asks.

"Well, Gahyun already said okay, so I think we have to now," Bora says with a laugh. She tugs at Yubin's hand, pulling the girl closer to her side.

Yubin hums in agreement. "Yeah. We have to. Gahyun said yes. That's a legally binding agreement right there."

Minji rolls her eyes, but her grin grows wider, and she turns on her heels, hurrying back up the beach to grab something from the porch of the house. She runs back, clutching a folded-up tripod under one arm.

"Oh, so, you had this stuff ready," Handong comments, laughing as she helps Minji set up the tripod.

"What would you have done if we didn't say yes?" Siyeon asks, watching as Minji secures the camera in place.

Minji stops, staring at the sand in front of her for a second. "Dunno," She says, turning to look at Siyeon as she shrugs. She smiles and turns back to the camera. "Been sad, I guess."

"Loser," Bora teases, reaching out to gently push at Minji's shoulder.

"Says you," Minji counters.

"Nope," Bora says. "I can't lose."

"What?"

"I can't lose," Bora repeats. She grins and holds up her arm, pulling Yubin's up with hers as their hands are tangled together. "Can't lose. Got my good luck charm right here." She grins at Yubin as she lowers their arms back down and leans in for a kiss from the younger girl.

"Gross," Minji grumbles.

Siyeon chuckles and shakes their head, glancing toward Handong.

Handong smiles and reaches out her hand, wiggling her fingers in a clear offering.

Siyeon grins and tangles their fingers with Handong's, letting themself be tugged closer to the girl.

"Alright! Girls!" Minji calls, even though everyone is relatively close to her.

Siyeon bites the inside of their cheek and squeezes Handong's hand gently. They know things will only change if they tell the others, but… The fear weighs on them. The fear of ending up alone, with no friends and no one to lean on when things get tough. The fear of not being understood. Of being pushed aside and left behind because they're different from the rest of the group.

Handong squeezes back and tugs Siyeon a step closer. "Breathe."

Siyeon pulls in a breath through their nose, inhaling the salty smell of the ocean. They shift to lean into Handong, turning their head to brush their nose against the girl's hair, and they breathe in deeply. The smell of Handong's floral shampoo fills their nose, and they sigh, shutting their eyes and leaning more into Handong.

"I'm here," Handong whispers. "Just breathe."

Siyeon holds the breath for a few beats, resting their chin against Handong's shoulder as they exhale slowly through their teeth. They're okay. Handong is still here.

"Siyeon, Dongie, you two can stay there, but you have to face the camera," Minji says with a soft laugh.

"Yeah," Bora says, her tone teasing. "Show the cameras your pretty faces."

Siyeon scrunches their nose up at that.

"Show the camera how handsome you are," Handong whispers.

"Thank you," Siyeon whispers back before they turn to find the camera.

Minji's got it set up on the tripod, and she's messing with it a bit, seemingly trying to find the timer or something.

Gahyun and Yoohyeon are in the front, both of them sitting back on their knees with a sizable gap between them.

Siyeon frowns at that but doesn't mention it.

Bora and Yubin are behind Gahyun, arms around each other and heads leaning together as they whisper.

"Here," Handong says, shuffling forward a bit with Siyeon to stand behind Yoohyeon.

"Okay, that's perfect!" Minji announces from behind the camera. She looks up and grins at the group. "You guys are all so pretty."

Siyeon clenches their jaw and feels Handong's free hand on their back, warm despite the sudden wave of coldness that washes over them.

Handong bumps her nose against Siyeon's cheek, letting out a breath. "My handsome Siyeon," She whispers. She shifts and pulls her hand from Siyeon's to wrap her fingers around their bicep. "Strong, too."

Siyeon swallows hard and leans into Handong slightly, letting out a breath.

"My handsome, strong Siyeon," Handong whispers.

"Alright! Timer is set! Everyone, smile!" Minji exclaims, hurrying out from behind the camera. She darts forward and sits down in the gap between Gahyun and Yoohyeon, laughing brightly as the pair lean in to hug her.

Siyeon turns their head and bumps their forehead against Handong's as the camera flashes once. "I love you," They whisper, shutting their eyes as the camera flashes again.

Handong exhales a shaking breath against Siyeon's lips. Then, she laughs softly and reaches her hand up to cup the back of Siyeon's head. "I love you, too," She whispers before dragging Siyeon into a kiss as the camera flashes for the third and last time.

"Minji?" Siyeon asks, knocking gently on the girl's open door.

"Yeah?" Minji replies, sitting up from where she'd been flopped on one of the two beds in the room. She gives Siyeon a goofy grin, tilting her head slightly to the side as she waits for Siyeon to speak.

"Can… Can I talk to you about something?" Siyeon asks, dropping their hand from the door to fiddle with their fingers.

Minji's expression sobers, and she nods quickly, gesturing for Siyeon to come in. "Yeah, of course. Go ahead and close the door if you want."

Siyeon nods and steps into the room, shutting the door behind them. They hesitate to step further into the room, thinking.

"Siyeon? Is something wrong?"

"No, I…" Siyeon trails off, letting out a breath. "Can… Can you see if Bora can join us?"

"Yeah," Minji says, her eyebrows furrowing as she reaches for her phone. "I'll ask her to come here."

"Without… Without Yubin, please," Siyeon says softly. They feel a bit bad for leaving the younger girl out, but they also feel like they need to tell Minji and Bora first. Before anyone else.

Minji nods and taps at her phone for a few seconds before locking the device and setting it aside. "You can come sit if you want." She gestures to the mattress in front of her before gesturing to the other bed.

Siyeon nods and shuffles over to take a seat on the edge of the other bed, resting their hands on their thighs. They pull in a deep breath, trying to steady themselves.

Handong had offered to accompany them for this, but Siyeon had decided they needed to do it alone. Handong had said that she'd be waiting in their room to provide comfort afterward, no matter what the result ends up being.

A knock on the door startles Siyeon from their thoughts, and they whip their head toward the door as it opens.

Bora pokes her head in, concern written all over her face. "What's going on?" She asks, stepping into the room and shutting the door. "Everything okay?"

Siyeon exhales slowly through their teeth and gestures to the bed Minji's sitting on.

Bora looks at Minji, raising an eyebrow, but doesn't ask any questions as she sits on the edge of the mattress. She looks at Siyeon, frowning.

"I…" Siyeon starts, but their voice fades immediately, and they swallow hard around the lump building in their throat. This is it. They might very well lose two friends they've had since diapers right here. Is it worth it? Just to live as themselves? Just to stop living a lie?

"Whatever it is, take your time," Minji urges. "We're here, Siyeon."

"Yeah," Bora agrees. "We're here. Take your time."

Siyeon swallows again and ducks their head, staring down at their socked feet against the carpet. The fear crawls up their throat and chokes them. Their eyes sting with tears. Breathing is a struggle, but they manage to pull in a breath.

"Hey," Bora says, the mattress creaking underneath her as she leans toward Siyeon. "We're not going anywhere, okay?"

"We're here, Siyeon," Minji repeats again. "We've got you."

Siyeon clenches their jaw and swallows down the fear. "I'm… I don't…"

"Breathe," Bora urges softly. "Deep breath in." She sucks in a breath, holding it for a few beats. "Out," She says, exhaling slowly.

Siyeon follows, breathing in and letting it out slowly. The weight on their chest lessens for a moment. "I don't identify as a woman."

The room is quiet. Not silent, but quiet. Minji pulls in a slow breath. Bora exhales through her teeth. The sheets rustle as one of them shifts on the bed.

"But I don't identify as a man, either," Siyeon continues, pushing through the fear threatening to pull them into a downward spiral.

"Okay," Minji says carefully. "So, what do you-"

"I… I don't have a gender," Siyeon says quietly. "I don't feel like any of them fit me. I'm… I'm just Siyeon."

Bora hums softly. "What're your pronouns?"

Siyeon blinks and lifts their head, meeting Bora's eyes.

"What?" Bora asks with a soft laugh. "You thought we were gonna be mean to you about this?"

"Bora," Minji scolds gently.

"I'm sorry," Bora says quickly, shaking her head. "I just… Jesus, Siyeon. I love you."

Siyeon's throat closes up, and they lift their hands to their face, pressing their fingers against their eyelids.

"I love you, too, Siyeon," Minji says quickly. "I hope you know that."

Siyeon nods their head, unable to speak. They should've known. They really should've known, but they just got so in their head about things, and it made them think that Minji and Bora would reject them for being different. For being themselves.

"Hey," Bora says. "Can I hug you?"

"Please," Siyeon chokes out, nodding their head furiously. "Please."

"Oh, Singnie," Minji coos softly.

Siyeon hears the mattress creak as the two girls stand from the other bed, and they feel the mattress dip on either side of them. Warm arms wrap around them from both sides, and they let themselves sink into it. They should've known.

"Is Singnie still okay?" Minji asks. "Are you still using Siyeon, or is it something different?"

"And you never answered my question," Bora whispers, pressing her lips to the side of Siyeon's head.

"Siyeon is good," Siyeon whispers through the tears. "They/them feel the best, but any pronouns work. I just… I don't like being called a woman. Or a girl. Or a boy. Or a man. Just…”

"Just Siyeon," Minji says softly.

"Yeah," Siyeon whispers.

"What else?" Bora asks, starting to gently sway them all back and forth in the hug.

"What?" Siyeon asks.

"What else?" Bora repeats with a soft laugh. "Do you like being called pretty? Handsome? Gorgeous? What? Tell me so I don't call you something you don't like."

"Handsome," Siyeon whispers. "I like handsome."

"And pretty?" Minji asks.

Siyeon shakes their head. "No," They whisper. "Not pretty."

"Okay," Minji says easily. "Handsome."

Siyeon sniffles and slowly lowers their hands from their face, reaching down to find Minji and Bora's hands. They squeeze gently, keeping their eyes shut tightly.

"Okay?" Bora asks, her voice quiet.

"Yeah," Siyeon whispers. "I'm sorry for… For thinking that you'd…" They trail off, knowing that Minji and Bora are smart enough to finish the thought.

"It's okay," Minji says softly. "I'm proud of you. And I'm really grateful that you told us. I'm glad you felt like you could tell us."

Bora hums in agreement. "Yeah. I'm proud of you, too. That took guts. More guts than telling someone you like them, I think."

"More guts than telling Yubin?" Siyeon asks, peeking at Bora for a second before shutting their eyes again.

Bora hums. "Way more," She says. "And way more than Minji had the other night at the campfire."

"Okay, to be fair, I was drunk," Minji argues. "That didn't take any guts. Just alcohol."

Bora chuckles. "Right, because if you didn't have any alcohol, you'd still be pining after those two."

"Shut up!" Minji grumbles, reaching around Siyeon to shove Bora's shoulder.

Siyeon laughs, leaning into Minji as Bora squishes them in order to reach out and shove Minji back.

"And what about you?" Bora asks once the shoving match is over.

"What about me?" Siyeon asks. They turn their head slightly, opening their eyes to meet Bora's gaze.

"You and Dongie," Minji says, her tone slightly teasing. "When did that happen?"

Siyeon swallows, feeling their cheeks heating up. "Same night as the campfire," They whisper.

"Oh?" Bora asks, wiggling her eyebrows.

"We didn't do anything!" Siyeon protests, shoving their shoulder lightly against Bora's chest. "We just talked. A lot. You were all making out, so Dongie and I went for a walk, and we got to talking. And I… I told her. About me. And then, when we were getting ready for bed, she… She was getting changed, and she asked if I was still okay with her changing in the room with me and… That sparked another conversation and I… I told her that I liked her."

Bora hums.

"Aw," Minji coos.

"So… We're dating now," Siyeon says, shrugging their shoulders. "It wasn't anything crazy. But… She's my girlfriend."

"And you're her…" Bora trails off.

"I'm her Siyeon."

It’s storming. Thunder booms outside, and the house seems to shudder.

Siyeon grits their teeth and stares daggers down at the two mugs of tea they’re carrying, daring either of the drinks to spill.

Lightning flashes in the windows and Siyeon tenses, coming to a stop as they wait for the thunder.

The resulting boom shakes the house, and Siyeon tightens their already tight grip on the handles of the mugs. They shouldn’t have filled them so damn full. The steaming liquid sloshes in both mugs, threatening to spill over onto Siyeon’s hands and scald them.

“What’s- Oh,” Handong says, appearing in the hallway. “Goober,” She says with a grin, moving to take one of the mugs from Siyeon’s hands. “Hey.” She slides her hand into Siyeon’s now free one and squeezes tight. “It’s okay.”

Siyeon nods. They know they’re safe inside, away from the lightning and the whipping wind and rain, but the loud, booming thunder still scares the shit out of them.

“C’mon,” Handong says, carefully pulling Siyeon down the hallway and into their shared room. She nudges the door closed and moves to set her mug down on the nightstand before returning to Siyeon’s side. “What can I do? How can I help?”

Siyeon sucks in a breath at that. They’ve weathered thunderstorms before, but it was mostly alone. Or with Minji and Bora doing their collective best to drown out the thunder by distracting Siyeon with games or music.

“You wanna sit?” Handong asks, gently prying Siyeon’s mug from their hands and setting it on the nightstand.

Siyeon nods and lets Handong lead them over to the bed, where the blankets are already pulled back.

“Here,” Handong says, climbing up first and settling against the pillows. She stretches out her legs before bending them at the knees, creating a sort of bucket with her legs. She pats the mattress and smiles at Siyeon. “Sit.”

Siyeon swallows and climbs up to sit in the circle of Handong’s legs somewhat stiffly.

Handong laughs and wraps her arms around Siyeon’s waist, tugging at them gently to get them to lean back. “I’m here,” She whispers. “I’ve got you.”

Siyeon hums, the sound shaky as another boom of thunder roars above them. They let themself lean back against Handong’s chest and blow out a breath, shutting their eyes tightly.

“Is this okay?” Handong asks, shifting slightly to rest her chin on Siyeon’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Siyeon whispers, keeping their eyes shut tightly. They haven’t heard any more thunder, but they know it could happen again at any time. They just hate that they don’t know when it’s going to happen.

“Okay,” Handong says. “Tell me if you need me to do anything else. Or something different.”

Siyeon hums softly and brings their hands up to cover Handong’s. They squeeze gently. “This is good.”

Handong tightens her arms briefly around Siyeon and hums. “How’d it go with Minji and Bora?” She asks, her voice a whisper.

“Good,” Siyeon answers with a nod of their head. “I…” They trail off, breathing out a soft laugh. “I was scared for no reason.”

Handong chuckles softly at that. “But it makes sense why you were scared,” She says carefully.

“Yeah, I guess,” Siyeon replies. Pulling in a breath, they let themself relax against Handong a bit more, feeling the girl’s arms tighten around them.

Handong hums softly, shifting her head to kiss Siyeon’s temple. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Siyeon whispers. Hearing that from Handong feels nice. “I still have to tell the other three.”

“Yeah, but I’m still proud of you,” Handong says. She kisses Siyeon’s temple again and hums softly. “And I love you.”

Siyeon can’t help the smile that tugs at their lips. “I love you, too.”

“Hey,” Yubin says, sitting down on the unoccupied towel next to Siyeon’s.

“Hey,” Siyeon replies, glancing away from the ocean to watch Yubin get comfortable. “What’s up?”

Yubin shrugs her shoulders, reaching up to run her fingers through her hair. “Nothing,” She answers with a smile. She looks toward the ocean. “Why aren’t you out there having fun?” She gestures to the rest of the group, all laughing and swimming around.

Siyeon shrugs, looking toward the group. “I could ask you the same thing, you know.”

Yubin chuckles and bobs her head. “That’s true,” She says. She shrugs. “I’m just not really feeling it, you know?”

Siyeon nods. “Yeah. I get it.”

They both sit in silence for a little bit before Yubin clears her throat gently.

Siyeon looks over, raising an eyebrow.

“Do you maybe wanna go inside? Play a card game or something?” Yubin asks, gesturing to the house over her shoulder.

“Card game sounds like it could be fun,” Siyeon says, getting the sense that Yubin wants to talk somewhere where the others can’t overhear. “Let’s do it.”

“Cool,” Yubin says, getting to her feet. She hesitates, looking out toward the group. “Should we let them know we’re going inside?”

Siyeon shakes their head as they stand. “I’m sure they’ll figure it out. Or they’ll see us head in.”

Yubin nods and leads the way to the house. “Normal cards or do you wanna play Uno?”

Siyeon chuckles. “Uno sounds like fun, but I feel like it could go on forever with just the two of us.”

“Yeah, but that’s what makes it fun, right?” Yubin asks with a laugh as she heads into the living room. “I’ll be right back. I have a deck in my suitcase.”

“Okay,” Siyeon says, taking a seat on one of the two couches in the living room. They sigh and lean back into the cushions, waiting for Yubin to return.

“Got it,” Yubin says, returning after a few seconds. She sits down on the couch opposite Siyeon and unwinds a rubber band from around a deck of well-used Uno cards. “You wanna shuffle or should I?”

“You shuffle,” Siyeon says, gesturing. “I’m no good at it.”

Yubin chuckles and shuffles the deck before dealing out seven cards to each of them. “Alright, I shuffled, so you go first.” She flips the top card of the deck and places it in the middle of the coffee table.

A green two.

Siyeon quickly rearranges their hand by color and hums softly. They only have one green, and it’s a skip. But they have no other cards to play after that. They click their tongue and put it down.

“Damn,” Yubin says with a laugh. “That’s crazy. Skipping me on the first turn.”

“That’s all I had!” Siyeon whines, pouting as they reach to pick up a new card. “Your turn.”

Yubin shakes her head and puts down a green seven.

They play for a while, both of them gasping in mock horror whenever the other plays a draw two, draw four, or a wild card.

“Jesus,” Siyeon says, leaning their head against their left hand as they stare at their increasingly large hand of cards in their right. “I can barely hold all these.”

Yubin just chuckles, shuffling through her own decently sized hand of cards.

Siyeon blows out a breath and selects a random card that matches the color of the one in the discard pile and puts it down. “Alright, what’s up?”

Yubin looks up from her cards and blinks at Siyeon. “What?”

“What’s up?” Siyeon asks again, pushing their cards together into a pile and setting them facedown on the table. “I don’t think you pulled me in here just to play a card game, Binnie.”

Yubin blows out a breath and pushes her cards together, setting them down in front of her. “You’re right,” She says softly. “I wanted to ask you something, but I wanted to do it somewhere that you could answer me truthfully.”

Siyeon blinks, frowning at that. “What-”

“Are you okay?” Yubin asks, cutting Siyeon off.

Siyeon blinks again. “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?”

Yubin sighs, looking like she’s resisting the urge to roll her eyes at Siyeon’s answer. “You wanna try that again?” She asks, lifting an eyebrow.

“Why?” Siyeon asks, watching as Yubin does roll her eyes this time.

Yubin blows out a slow breath through her teeth. “I’ve noticed some things since we’ve gotten here. You don’t really seem… You don’t seem like you’re enjoying it all that much, I guess. So I was just wondering if you were okay.”

Siyeon hums quietly. They didn’t realize Yubin had noticed. They thought the girl was too busy with Bora to notice anything other than the older girl. They should’ve realized and remembered that Yubin is the most perceptive out of the group. “I didn’t…”

“Think I noticed?” Yubin asks with a soft laugh. “Well, I did.”

Siyeon swallows thickly, looking down at the coffee table littered with cards. This is the perfect opportunity to tell Yubin. It’s basically being handed to them on a silver platter. They just have to reach out and take it.

“So, I’ll ask one more time, and then I’ll drop it, okay?” Yubin asks. She pulls in a breath. “Are you okay?”

Siyeon sits there for a bit, just breathing. They can feel Yubin’s eyes on them, and the weight of the girl’s stare is heavy. “I’m…” They start but trail off, not sure how they want to word things.

Yubin stays quiet.

“I’m really tired,” Siyeon admits softly. They lift their head and meet Yubin’s eyes, finding sympathy there. “I’ve… I’ve been living a lie for a long time, and it’s… It’s catching up to me, I think, and it’s really wearing me out.”

Yubin nods her head, humming softly. She doesn’t speak, allowing Siyeon the space to take their time.

“I don’t remember when it started, but every time I look in the mirror, it’s there,” Siyeon says, their voice a whisper. “The feeling of… Disconnection, I guess. Of the image not matching up with what I see. Or not matching how I envision myself.”

Yubin nods again.

“I’m… I don’t have a gender,” Siyeon says quietly, their voice a bit louder but not by much. “I’m agender.”

The silence in the room stretches out for a bit before Siyeon pulls in a breath and continues.

“Any pronouns work, but I feel like they/them fit me the best,” They say, glancing up from their hands at Yubin to look at the girl. They don’t remember when they lowered their head, but it must’ve been a while ago because their neck aches.

Yubin hums softly. She doesn’t speak and nods her head for Siyeon to continue.

Siyeon swallows, shifting on the couch and making it creak under their weight. “Uh… I prefer masculine terms over feminine ones. Like handsome over pretty.” They blow out a breath. “And… I’m still Siyeon.”

“Okay,” Yubin whispers after a few seconds. “Thank you for telling me.”

Siyeon nods and drops their gaze to the table, fiddling with their fingers. Their shoulders are tense, and it feels like something is weighing them down.

“Are you okay?”

Siyeon blinks.

“Thank you for telling me, but… I’m sorry. I feel like I kind of forced you to tell me,” Yubin whispers, guilt evident in her tone. “I’m really sorry, Siyeon. I-”

“No!” Siyeon exclaims, lifting their head and waving a hand out in front of them. “No, Binnie. No, you didn’t force me to do anything. If anything, you gave me the opportunity to tell you.”

Yubin sits back, biting her lip. “Are you sure?” She asks, her voice sounding thick as though she’s about to cry.

“I’m sure,” Siyeon says with a quick nod of their head. “I promise. I…” They trail off with a laugh. “I was actually trying to think of how to tell you, Gahyun, and Yoohyeon.”

Yubin blinks. “You were?”

Siyeon nods. “Yeah. Dongie, Minji, and Bora know. I told them all the other day, before it started storming.”

Yubin blinks again before she smiles. “Just two left, then.”

Siyeon chuckles. “Yeah,” They whisper. “Guess so.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much,” Yubin says, leaning forward to reach her hand across the table. She takes one of Siyeon’s and squeezes tightly. “We all love you, Siyeon. And you’re still you. You’re still our goober.”

Siyeon feels tears well up at that, and they flip their hand over to squeeze Yubin’s back. “Still your goober.”

“Always,” Yubin whispers, getting to her feet and rounding the coffee table. She pulls Siyeon up from the couch and into a tight hug. “Always our goober.”

Siyeon sniffles, feeling tears sliding down their cheeks, and tucks their face into Yubin’s hair. They feel Yubin tighten her arms around them and hum softly, the sound shaky. “Always.”

They get the opportunity to tell Yoohyeon and Gahyun that same day. They’re back on the beach with everyone, and Minji is wrangling people up to go rent a few surfboards from a shack that’s a ways down the beach from them.

Siyeon opts out, citing the fact that they have no idea how to surf and that they’re not really feeling up to getting in the water today.

Yoohyeon and Gahyun also opt out, choosing instead to sit on a towel and talk softly to each other, Gahyun leaning back against Yoohyeon’s chest.

Siyeon watches the rest of the group depart and lifts their hand in a wave when Handong looks over her shoulder.

Handong smiles and waves back before she turns and hurries to catch up with the rest of the group.

“What did you and Binnie end up doing when you went inside?” Gahyun asks once the group is out of sight.

Siyeon turns their head to meet Gahyun’s eyes. “Played Uno,” They answer. “And talked a bit.”

Yoohyeon grins. “Uno with just two people is brutal,” She comments with a laugh.

Siyeon chuckles, nodding. “Yeah. It definitely can be.” They shake their head, remembering how Yubin had stacked skips on skips just to get rid of the cards in her hand.

“What did you guys talk about?” Gahyun asks, shifting in Yoohyeon’s arms to turn to face Siyeon fully. She leans sideways into Yoohyeon’s chest and rests her head against the taller girl’s shoulder, looking very comfortable.

Siyeon swallows and shrugs their shoulders. “Stuff,” They reply, unsure if they’re able to find the courage to come out to the couple. It hasn’t been very long since they’d come back out to the beach.

“Stuff,” Yoohyeon muses softly. “Could you give an example?” She asks, her smile bright and friendly.

Siyeon swallows hard and clenches their jaw. They turn their head to look out at the waves, swallowing again.

“You don’t have to,” Gahyun says quickly. “We’re just curious. ‘Cause before you guys went inside, you looked a bit… Lost? I think lost is the word I’m looking for. Or just… Not really present. You know?”

Siyeon nods.

“You looked like something was weighing you down,” Yoohyeon says softly.

Siyeon hums quietly.

“And when you guys came back, you looked…” Yoohyeon trails off, humming softly as she tips her head back and forth. “Lighter. Like whatever had been weighing you down didn’t feel so heavy anymore.”

“Yeah,” Gahyun agrees. “You looked more present, too. More… More aware of where you are.”

“I guess…” Siyeon trails off, keeping their eyes on the waves. They can do this. It’s just Gahyun and Yoohyeon. It’s their friends. Friends that Siyeon can’t lose. If they lose them, what then? Alone. They’d be alone. They’d be all alone and that-

“You don’t have to tell us,” Yoohyeon says, her voice soft and gentle. “But if you want to, you can. We’ll listen. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

“We’re here, Siyeon,” Gahyun says, her voice just as gentle and soft as Yoohyeon’s. “Whatever it is, we’re here if you need us. For anything.”

“Always,” Yoohyeon says. “If it turns out you killed some guy, we’ll help bury the body.”

Gahyun sputters out a laugh. “What?!”

“What?” Yoohyeon fires back, laughing. “Are you saying you wouldn’t help one of your best friends hide a body?”

“I-” Gahyun cuts herself off, letting out another laugh. “You’re ridiculous.”

“And you love me,” Yoohyeon teases softly. “So, what does that make you?”

Gahyun just sighs in response.

Siyeon chuckles at the interaction and turns their head to look at the couple beside her.

Yoohyeon smiles warmly at Siyeon, her eyes sparkling with mirth.

Gahyun leans against Yoohyeon’s chest and smiles at Siyeon, her eyes full of love.

“I…” Siyeon starts, trailing off as they shut their mouth. They clench their jaw and shake their head, pulling in a breath.

“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t feel comfortable,” Yoohyeon says. “Or if you’re not ready to. We can wait.”

“Yeah,” Gahyun says. “Tell us when you’re ready, okay? Don’t force yourself.”

Siyeon shakes their head again. They want to get this over with. And they don’t know when an opportunity like this will show up again. It feels like it’d be easier saying it here and now rather than trying to find a good time to tell them later.

“I’m agender,” They say in a whisper.

“What’s that mean?” Gahyun asks softly.

“It means that I don’t have a gender,” Siyeon explains. “Like I’m not a man or a woman or anything in between or outside of that, I guess. I’m just…” They trail off, gesturing to themself.

“Just Siyeon,” Yoohyeon says quietly.

“Yeah,” Siyeon says, nodding as they meet Yoohyeon’s eyes. “I’m just Siyeon.”

“Okay,” Gahyun says with a nod. “So… What pronouns do you use?”

“They/them fit the best, but any of them work,” Siyeon says.

Gahyun nods, her eyes sweeping over Siyeon’s face. She smiles, warm and soft. “I love you.”

Siyeon blinks.

“Me too,” Yoohyeon says, shifting to reach out a hand to Siyeon. “I love you, too.”

Siyeon blinks a few times, feeling tears starting to well up in their eyes. They breathe out a laugh and reach out to take Yoohyeon’s hand, squeezing tightly. “I love you guys.”

“And we love you,” Yoohyeon says, squeezing Siyeon’s hand just as tight. “Always. You’re still Siyeon, and we still love you. Forever. Always.”

Gahyun hums in agreement. “Hey.”

Siyeon sniffles and moves their eyes to Gahyun. “Hey.”

“I know we’re not the scariest pair, but… That was really brave,” Gahyun says, her voice soft.

Siyeon feels their chest tighten. “You think so?” They ask, their voice coming out strained.

“Yeah,” Gahyun says, climbing out of Yoohyeon’s lap and moving to drape an arm over Siyeon’s shoulders. She squeezes Siyeon against her side and hums softly. “Really brave.”

Yoohyeon nods and scoots across the sand to join the hug, wrapping her long arms around Siyeon in a tight hug. “I’m proud of you.”

Siyeon shuts their eyes, feeling tears roll down their cheeks.

Yoohyeon leans her head against Siyeon’s shoulder and sighs softly. “And this doesn’t change what I said earlier. If you need help hiding a body, just let me know.”

The next morning, Siyeon wakes up early and slips out of Handong’s arms as carefully as possible so as not to wake the sleeping girl. Once free and on their feet, they take a few seconds to adjust the sheet that covers the girl. They pause and reach down to tuck a few strands of hair behind Handong’s ear, humming quietly.

Handong groans softly in her sleep, shifting slightly.

Siyeon pulls their hand back quickly and watches as Handong reaches across the mattress, the girl’s fingers curling around the sheet.

Handong grumbles and shifts again, blinking open sleepy eyes. “Siyeon?”

“Here,” Siyeon whispers, leaning down to be in eyesight of the girl.

“Wha’ you doin’ up?” Handong asks, her voice thick and rough with sleep. She lifts her hands, rubbing at her face. “Time is it?”

“Early,” Siyeon answers with a chuckle. They take their pillow and turn it sideways, gently pushing it into Handong’s arms. “Go back to sleep, Dongie.”

Handong hums, curling her arms around the pillow and tucking her face into the fabric. She pulls in a breath and hums. “Smells like you,” She mumbles.

“Good,” Siyeon whispers, reaching out to brush Handong’s hair away from her forehead. “Get some more sleep.”

Handong hums, the sound fading as the girl falls back asleep with her face tucked into Siyeon’s pillow.

Siyeon smiles, watching Handong’s shoulder rise and fall for a few seconds before leaving the room.

They make their way down the short hallway and enter the kitchen. The fridge, two-doored and shiny, stands opposite the doorway. There are counters on either side of the appliance, and the sink is on the left. On the counter to the right of the fridge is the coffee maker, already bubbling and hissing as coffee drips into the glass carafe.

“Oh,” Minji whispers, looking up from where she sits with a book at the table in the corner. She’s got her glasses on, and her hair is up in a ponytail. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Siyeon greets with a small wave. “Coffee almost ready?” They ask, pointing to the machine.

“Almost,” Minji answers, picking up a scrap of paper and tucking it into her book before she sets it aside. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” Siyeon answers truthfully. They have no reason to lie. “Handong’s still sleeping.”

“So is everyone else,” Minji says with a soft laugh. “I was gonna watch the sunrise once the coffee’s ready. You can join me if you want.”

Siyeon nods. “Yeah. That sounds nice.”

Minji beams and gets to her feet, walking over to check the coffee machine. She turns and looks over her shoulder at Siyeon, her eyes somewhat narrowed.

Siyeon blinks. “What?” They ask, lifting a hand to their face. “Something on my face?”

Minji’s eyes brighten, and she shakes her head. “No,” She answers, turning slightly to better face Siyeon. “You just look… Different.”

“I do?” Siyeon asks, glancing down at themself. They don’t think they did anything different with their appearance. They only just got out of bed a few minutes ago. Their hair is probably a mess, and their pajamas have a bunch of wrinkles in the fabric.

“Yeah,” Minji says. “You look… You look more confident, I think.”

“You think so?”

“I think so,” Minji replies with a soft laugh. Her smile is warm and soft as she looks at Siyeon for a bit longer. “You look happy.” She steps away from the counter to stand in front of Siyeon. “Yeah.” She nods and reaches out to ruffle Siyeon’s hair. “You look happy, Singnie.”

“I…” Siyeon trails off, swallowing. They feel happy, or at least happier than they were. They feel lighter, that’s for sure. They don’t have a heavy secret weighing them down anymore. It’s all out in the open to the people who matter. Everyone who matters to Siyeon knows now, and that feels nice. It feels good to not be so weighed down anymore.

“I feel a lot lighter,” Siyeon says.

Minji hums softly, her smile still on her face. The coffee pot clicks on the counter, but Minji doesn’t move. She reaches out to fix a few strands of Siyeon’s hair. “Yeah,” She agrees. “You look lighter. When we got here, you looked kinda like there was just a constant raincloud over you.”

“Sorry,” Siyeon whispers.

“Don’t apologize, silly,” Minji says with a quick shake of her head. “You don’t need to apologize for your feelings, okay? All I’m saying is that now… The raincloud is gone. You’re not hunching anymore. You’re standing up straight, and you look proud.”

Siyeon blinks. They hadn’t realized they’d been hunching their shoulders. They hadn’t been doing it on purpose or anything. But it does make sense why they would.

“I’m glad you told me, told us,” Minji says, reaching out to pull Siyeon into a warm hug.

Siyeon shuts their eyes and lets their chin rest against Minji’s shoulder, bringing their arms up to hug the girl back. “Me too,” They whisper.

Minji hums and squeezes Siyeon tightly before taking a small step back. “Okay, we’ll talk more later, but if we don’t hurry, we’re gonna miss the sunrise.”

Siyeon chuckles at that and follows Minji to the counter. They grab a mug from the cabinet and set it down for Minji to fill.

Minji slides the carafe back into the coffee machine and picks up her mug, humming as she curls her hands around the warm ceramic. “Alright, let’s go.” She leads the way through the house.

They move through the living room, around the two couches bracketing the coffee table and past the big flat-screen TV that’s mounted over the brick fireplace.

Minji opens the sliding glass door and steps onto the porch with a sigh. She moves to take a seat at the round table that’s in the corner, setting her mug down as she scoots her chair in.

Siyeon joins the older girl, setting their mug down on the table before they take a seat, turning their chair to face the ocean.

“There,” Minji says, lifting a hand to point out over the calm water.

The sky is becoming lighter, turning a soft pink as the sun creeps up over the horizon.

Siyeon hums, taking in the view. They pick up their mug and cradle it carefully in their hands as they take a small sip. They wince when the coffee burns their tongue, but they keep their complaints to themself. It’s their own fault, really. They should’ve blown on the liquid first.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Minji asks, her eyes locked on the sky and its changing colors.

“Yeah,” Siyeon whispers, watching the clouds as they’re tinted soft pink and orange. They lower their eyes to the ocean and breathe out a soft breath. They feel like they can actually enjoy it now. The view and all the fun things that are hopefully going to happen today.

“What’re you thinking about?” Minji asks softly before taking a sip of her coffee.

Siyeon shifts in their seat, glancing at the older girl and finding Minji looking at them with a soft smile. They smile back, unable to help themself. “I was just thinking that maybe I’ll be able to finally enjoy it here. For what time we have left, anyway.”

Minji hums.

“I didn’t feel like I could really enjoy it before,” Siyeon continues softly. “I didn’t really feel like I was seeing it.” They lift a hand and gesture to the sky and the ocean. “But now I do. I’m seeing it, and I want to enjoy it.”

“That’s good,” Minji says with a grin. “Because I was thinking we have a sand castle competition later. Gahyun and Yoohyeon mentioned it last night, and it seemed like it could be fun.”

“Oh?” Siyeon asks, raising an eyebrow. They chuckle. “And how are our resident sand architects doing, by the way?”

Minji’s cheeks tint a soft pink, much like the clouds, and she coughs, turning her eyes away from Siyeon. “Good,” She answers. “They’re both good.”

Siyeon smiles, but it fades shortly after. “And how are you?”

Minji turns her head to meet Siyeon’s eyes again. “I’m good,” She answers. “After the campfire, we… Well, it wasn’t right after, but it was the next morning.”

Siyeon chuckles.

“We talked,” Minji says, shaking her head. “We talked, and I told them how I felt about the two of them and they…” She trails off, laughing softly. “They called me an idiot for waiting so long to say something.”

Siyeon blinks before letting out a laugh. “They called you an idiot?”

Minji nods, smiling down at her coffee mug. “Yeah,” She whispers. “But not in a mean way. In like a teasing way.”

Siyeon hums, nodding.

“So, we talked and… I’m theirs now. And they’re mine. We’re dating. We’re all together.” Minji’s cheeks are fully red now, and she fiddles with her coffee mug, turning it around and around on the table.

“And?” Siyeon asks softly. “Are you happy?”

“Beyond happy,” Minji answers, her voice an excited whisper. “God, I… I’ve just… I’ve liked them both for such a long time and to finally be able to kiss them and hold them and tell them how I feel… It’s… It’s amazing.”

Siyeon hums quietly, nodding as they watch Minji’s smile grow the more the girl talks. “I’m glad,” They say during a lull in Minji’s rambling. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Me too,” Minji says with a smile. “Are you?”

“Am I?” Siyeon asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Happy,” Minji says. “Are you happy?”

Siyeon pauses and considers the question. Are they happy? They’ve managed to come out to all their friends in a few short days, and all of them are still around, still happily talking with Siyeon and not turning away in disgust or anything like that. Handong is their girlfriend now. Which is really nice. Like, more than just nice. It’s fantastic.

“Siyeon?”

“Sorry,” Siyeon says, shaking their head with a soft laugh. “I was thinking.”

“And?” Minji asks, tilting her head slightly to the side as she waits for Siyeon to answer.

“I am,” Siyeon says after a few more seconds of thinking. “I am happy.”

“Okay, everybody!” Minji calls, clapping her hands together.

Siyeon smiles, grateful that every time Minji has called the group together, the older girl has used gender neutral terms instead of referring to them all as “girls”.

They look up from where they’re crouched in the sand with Handong, a little plastic shovel in hand.

“Hands off your creations!” Minji says, clapping her hands again.

Handong scoffs and sits back on her heels. “We’re not even done!” She complains loudly, gesturing to the half-built sand castle in front of her.

“Well, the timer has gone off, so hands off.” Minji wiggles her phone in one hand and shrugs her shoulders. “Sorry, Dongdong.”

Handong huffs a breath and folds her arms over her chest, pouting.

Siyeon chuckles and sticks their shovel into the sand before scooting over and bumping their shoulder into Handong’s. “It’s okay,” They whisper. “We did our best.”

“This is rigged,” Handong whispers back as she looks over at the two other pairs of sand castle builders. “Look at Yoohyeon and Gahyun’s.”

Siyeon shifts, kneeling up to peer over Handong’s head. They whistle upon seeing the castle that Yoohyeon and Gahyun are sitting on either side, both of them grinning like they’ve already won. “Wow.”

“They have an unfair advantage,” Handong grumbles. “They’ve been doing nothing but building sand castles since we got here. They shouldn’t have been allowed to use the same tools as the rest of us. Everyone else should’ve had an advantage over them, because they have more skill.”

Siyeon chuckles and settles back on their knees. “You’re just grumpy because you woke up alone this morning.”

Handong huffs a breath and turns her head to look at Siyeon, the pout in full effect. “Yes,” She admits quickly. “I am. Because I’ve woken up with you in my arms for the past four days and I was hoping to continue that streak.” She turns her head away, sighing heavily.

Siyeon hums and shifts closer, resting their chin on Handong’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t fall back to sleep, so I went and watched the sunrise with Minji.”

Handong hums softly. “I’m not mad at you,” She says quietly. “But I do expect you to be in my arms tomorrow morning when I wake up.”

Siyeon smiles and turns their head, pressing a kiss to Handong’s cheek. “I’ll be there.”

“Good,” Handong says firmly. “You better be.”

“Alright,” Minji says, getting everyone’s attention back on her. “I’ve reviewed the creations and have decided on a winner.”

“Here we go,” Siyeon whispers. “Who do you think it’s gonna be?”

“She’s biased,” Handong mumbles, watching Minji with slightly narrowed eyes. “It’s obvious who she’ll choose.”

Siyeon hums. “I guess we’ll see.”

“Gahyun and Yoohyeon win!” Minji announces.

“BOOOOOO!” Bora yells, scooping up a handful of sand and flinging it in Minji’s direction. “Rigged! This was rigged!”

“She gets it,” Handong says quietly.

Siyeon laughs and leans into Handong a bit more, watching Bora get to her feet and stomp over to Minji.

“It’s not rigged!” Minji protests as Bora grabs her by the arms and shakes her gently. “How can I rig a sand castle competition?”

“Okay,” Yubin says, getting up and pulling Bora away from Minji with a laugh. “Maybe it wasn’t rigged, but the judge is definitely biased.” She narrows her eyes at Minji playfully.

Minji pouts and crosses her arms. “Am not,” She grumbles softly.

Siyeon laughs and looks at their half-finished castle. It’s not very good, not when compared to Yoohyeon and Gahyun’s masterpiece.

“Alright, fine!” Minji exclaims. “Who do you think won?” She asks, gesturing to Bora.

Bora purses her lips and turns, looking at the sand castles. She pulls in a breath and heaves out a sigh. “Yoohyeon and Gahyun,” She grumbles.

Siyeon laughs, shaking their head.

Handong grumbles softly under her breath.

“It’s just a silly game,” Siyeon reminds the girl. “There weren’t any prizes to be won.”

“Other than bragging rights,” Handong points out softly.

Siyeon chuckles. “I already have those,” They murmur, pressing a kiss to Handong’s cheek.

“For what?”

“For having the prettiest, most amazing girlfriend in the whole world,” Siyeon whispers, grinning as Handong turns her head.

Handong hums softly, uncrossing her arms to reach out and cup Siyeon’s cheek. “Well, then I have bragging rights, too.”

“For what?” Siyeon asks, unable to keep the grin from their face.

“For having the most amazing, most perfect, most wonderful Siyeon in the entire universe.” Handong smiles and pulls Siyeon in for a soft kiss.

Siyeon hums into the contact, reaching up to curl their fingers around Handong’s wrist. “Yours,” They whisper against Handong’s lips. “Your Siyeon.”

Handong hums in agreement as she pulls back to take a breath. “My Siyeon.”

They didn’t realize how much they’d been missing the first few days. Siyeon had seemingly blocked out so much because of the stress and weight of their secret that they had completely missed the video game console set up in the living room.

They discover it the next day when they wake up to rain against the windows and Handong snoring softly in their ear.

Siyeon lies there for a long time, just listening to the rain patter against the glass and Handong’s cute little snores. But they quickly grow restless, and they know if they leave the bed before Handong wakes up, the girl will be grumpy again. So, they lie there for a while longer, trying their best to keep from squirming around too much.

“Oh, bitch!”

Siyeon blinks and turns their head toward the bedroom door.

“I swear to god, Minji, I will kick you off this couch if you use that powerup.”

Siyeon shifts, turning toward the door, eyebrows furrowing as they wonder what Bora and Minji are doing. The two are being very loud.

Handong grumbles softly and shifts, curling her arms tighter around Siyeon’s middle and pressing her face into the space between their shoulder blades. “Why’d you move?”

“Minji and Bora are being loud,” Siyeon answers softly, reaching down to squeeze Handong’s hands.

Handong hums. “Aren’t they always?” She asks, her voice muffled against Siyeon’s back.

“Mm, yeah, but… I think they’re playing a game,” Siyeon replies. “So, they’re extra loud.”

Handong chuckles at that and squeezes Siyeon’s waist. “You wanna go join them?”

Siyeon blinks and carefully turns in Handong’s arms. “I mean, if you want to sleep more, I can stay.”

Handong hums, shaking her head. “No, it’s okay. You can go.” Her arms loosen from around Siyeon’s waist.

“But…” Siyeon trails off, hesitating. “But yesterday, you said-”

“And you’re here,” Handong cuts in softly. “I woke up, and you were in my arms.” She smiles softly and bumps her forehead against Siyeon’s gently. “Which I’m grateful for.”

Siyeon hums softly and shuts their eyes, feeling Handong’s nose brush against theirs. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” Handong whispers. “Go. See what they’re doing and if you can join them. Have fun.”

Siyeon hums again. “Are you sure?”

“Siyeon,” Handong says, breathing out a laugh. “Go. I’ll be fine. If I can’t get back to sleep, I’ll just come join you guys.”

“Okay. If you’re sure,” Siyeon whispers.

“I’m sure,” Handong says. “Go. Have fun. Kick their asses at whatever game they’re playing.”

Siyeon chuckles at that and tilts their head, feeling Handong’s lips against their own. “I love you,” They whisper.

“I love you, too,” Handong whispers back. She lifts a hand and pushes gently against Siyeon’s shoulder. “Go. Have fun. Let me sleep.”

Siyeon hums, smiling as they let themself be pushed away. “Okay. Sleep well, Dongie.” They sit up and scoot toward the edge of the bed. Once on their feet, they quickly turn back to the bed and fix the sheet, tugging it back up to cover Handong.

Handong hums and reaches out to pull Siyeon’s pillow toward her. “Love you,” She mumbles before tucking her face into the pillow.

Siyeon chuckles quietly. “Love you, too. Sleep well.”

Handong hums, lifting a hand to wave weakly.

Siyeon bites back another laugh and leaves the room, heading for the living room. There, they find Minji and Bora on one of the couches, both of them clutching controllers as they stare at the TV screen.

“Are you playing Mario Kart?” They ask, staring at the TV as well.

“Duh,” Bora answers as she tilts her controller to the side with gritted teeth. “And I’m about to win.”

“Not a chance,” Minji says, grinning wickedly as she hits a button on her controller. “Blue shell,” She whispers.

“Oh, you whore,” Bora hisses.

“Hey!” Minji exclaims. “That’s not nice!”

“And neither is this fucking blue shell,” Bora snarls as she tilts herself along with her controller as though doing so will help her dodge the undodgeable blue shell that has locked onto her character.

Minji grumbles to herself and hunches her shoulders as she focuses on the game again, her eyebrows pulling together as her character rounds the final corner on the track.

Siyeon watches the TV, wincing when Bora’s character is caught in the explosion from the blue shell. They decide to stay quiet when Minji’s character races past on the lower half of the screen and claims the victory, while Bora gets fourth place after being passed by two other racers while her character is stuck in an animation.

“That was such a dick move,” Bora says, frowning as she tosses her controller down onto the couch cushion between her and Minji.

“And so was calling me a whore,” Minji fires back with a glare as she tosses her controller onto the cushion as well.

Bora frowns and folds her arms over her chest. “You have two girlfriends. Kinda whore-ish.”

Minji frowns, glaring at Bora for a few long seconds before she scoffs and rolls her eyes. “You’re just jealous,” She says, sticking out her tongue at Bora.

“Jealous!” Bora exclaims with a laugh. “Absolutely not. There’s only room for one woman in my life, and she is more than enough!”

“Thanks, babe!” Yubin calls from the next room over.

Siyeon barks out a laugh at that, shaking their head.

“So, if there were two Yubin’s, you’d only choose one of them?” Minji asks, raising an eyebrow.

Bora blinks before leaning forward and narrowing her eyes at Minji. “That’s a freaky thought. You’re freaky.”

“Are you gonna answer the question?” Minji asks, crossing her arms as she shifts to lean back against the armrest. “Or are you chicken?”

Bora purses her lips, glancing toward the living room doorway before she leans in toward Minji. “Both,” She whispers.

“Whore,” Minji retorts immediately.

Bora’s eyes go wide, and she scrambles up onto her knees, leaning over Minji with a sharp look in her eyes.

Siyeon clears their throat, hoping to defuse the situation, playful as it is. “Is there another controller somewhere?” They ask, glancing toward the TV.

“Oh!” Minji says, getting up from the couch and leaving Bora’s range of attack to cross the room to a cabinet in the corner. “Here!” She walks back over and presses the controller into Siyeon’s hands. “And you can sit here.” She leads Siyeon over to the couch and gestures for them to sit in the middle.

“I have to sit between you guys?” Siyeon asks, waiting for the pair to pick up their controllers before sitting down.

“Yes,” Bora says, reaching out to pat Siyeon’s shoulder. “You’ll keep me from hitting her.”

Siyeon heaves a sigh and shakes their head. “I hate being the referee.”

“Damn,” Handong murmurs.

Siyeon looks up from the hole they’ve been digging in the sand and glances over at Handong. The girl is sitting in one of the lounge chairs with her sunglasses on and a book in her lap. “Damn, what?” They ask.

Handong turns her head and pushes her sunglasses up to rest on her hair. “It’s just hot,” She answers. She lifts her book up and fans herself with it, tilting her head back against the chair.

“Do you wanna go in the water to cool down?” Siyeon asks, starting to fill the hole they’d dug back in with sand. They don’t want anyone to trip and get hurt by leaving it.

Handong hums softly. “Maybe,” She answers. “Probably a good idea.”

“Then, maybe you should,” Siyeon says with a soft laugh. “It’s not very far away,” They say, gesturing to the waves sweeping against the shore a few feet away.

Handong hums again, setting her book aside. “Could you carry me?”

Siyeon blinks, looking over at Handong. “What?”

“Carry me,” Handong says. “Could you carry me?”

“I… I mean, I think so?” Siyeon replies. “But why-”

“Let’s see,” Handong says. “Give me a piggyback ride to the water.”

“Why?”

“Just for fun,” Handong says with a shrug as she swings her legs off the chair and plants her feet in the sand. She plucks her sunglasses off her hair and sets them in the chair with her book and stands up. “Please?”

Siyeon swallows and brushes sand from their hands. “I can try,” They say, getting up as well. They move to stand in front of Handong and crouch down a bit, reaching their arms back slightly. “Hop up.”

Handong hums and sets her hands on Siyeon’s shoulders before doing a little hop onto their back.

Siyeon grunts as Handong’s weight lands on their back but doesn’t complain. They just reach down and curl their hands underneath the girl’s thighs and hike her further up their back. Once Handong wraps her arms around their neck, Siyeon straightens up a bit. “Comfy?” They ask.

“Mhm,” Handong hums. She leans her head closer to Siyeon’s and presses a kiss to their temple. “I like how strong you are.”

Siyeon shivers at Handong’s soft voice in their ear and hums quietly, starting the slow walk toward the water. They adjust their grip on Handong’s thighs every few steps, not wanting to drop their girl on her ass before they even reach the water. That’d be embarrassing, especially now that Handong has just said that she likes how strong Siyeon is.

The water is nice and cool against their feet and legs once they reach it. Once it gets to knee height, it becomes a lot harder to continue forward with Handong on their back, but they push forward, wanting to get a bit deeper out before having the girl get down.

“So strong,” Handong murmurs.

Siyeon puffs out a breath, unable to keep the grin off their face as they continue until the water is lapping at their waist.

“Let me get down,” Handong says with a soft laugh. “You’ve proven your strength, knight.”

Siyeon laughs at that and loosens their grip on Handong’s thighs, feeling the girl slide off their back into the water. They turn to face the girl, grinning. “Princess,” They say, dipping their head in a bow.

Handong raises her eyebrows, looking pleased at the nickname. “I like that,” She says softly. She takes a small step toward Siyeon, reaching up to rest her hands on their shoulders. “Say it again?”

“Princess,” Siyeon repeats, softer this time so it doesn’t carry far. They dip their head down again, brushing their lips against Handong’s in a whisper of a kiss. “My princess.”

Handong hums and leans up to kiss Siyeon firmly. “Does that mean you’re my knight in shining armor?”

“If you want me to be,” Siyeon whispers against Handong’s mouth.

“Maybe,” Handong says, pulling away from Siyeon to smile. “But know this, knight,” She says, pointing at Siyeon. “I’m no damsel in distress. I can handle myself just fine.”

Siyeon chuckles and nods their head. “Whatever you say, my princess.”

“Hey!”

Siyeon turns, seeing Minji waving at them from nearby. They lift their hand, waving back.

“You two wanna play chicken?” Bora calls, the grin on her face evident in her voice as well.

Siyeon looks over at Handong and chuckles, seeing the glint of determination in the girl’s eyes. “You up for it?” They ask.

“Yes,” Handong answers. “Let’s do it. But let’s get closer to them before you pick me up. Save your strength, my knight.”

Siyeon grins at the new term of affection and nods their head, wading through the water to reach the others with Handong beside them.

“Alright, Yoohyeon is sitting this out,” Minji says, looking at Yoohyeon with a smile.

“I’m the ref,” Yoohyeon says with a grin. “Who’s going first?”

“We’ll go,” Handong says, lifting her hand slightly.

“Alright, and-”

“Us,” Gahyun says, setting her hand on Minji’s shoulder.

“Alright,” Yoohyeon says, nodding her head. “Gahyun and Minji against Dongie and Siyeon.” She claps her hands, smiling. “I want a good, clean fight. No dirty tricks. Just good ol’ fashioned roughousing.”

Yubin chuckles and shoves Yoohyeon’s shoulder gently. “Loser.”

“Hey!” Gahyun protests. “That’s my loser, thank you very much.”

“Our loser, I think you mean,” Minji points out gently.

Gahyun nods. “Our loser,” She corrects gently. “Be nice to her,” She says, pointing threateningly at Yubin.

Yubin laughs again and lifts her hands in surrender. “Jeez, Toni, you’ve got them wrapped around your finger, don’t you?”

Yoohyeon just grins and shrugs her shoulders, giving Minji and Gahyun a starry-eyed look.

“Gross,” Handong says with a roll of her eyes.

Siyeon chuckles.

“Alright, you two,” Bora says, gesturing to Handong and Gahyun. “Mount up.”

“Mount up?” Minji asks as she crouches down in the water so that Gahyun is able to settle on her shoulders. “I’m not a horse!”

Siyeon sputters out a laugh and crouches down as much as they’re able to. They feel Handong’s weight settle on their shoulders and lift their arms up to wrap around the girl’s thighs to keep her steady as they slowly push themself into standing again.

“Whoa,” Handong says, setting a hand on the top of Siyeon’s head in an attempt to steady herself.

“Okay! First one to fall loses! Minji, Siyeon, hands to yourselves. If I see you using your hands for anything other than holding onto your rider, you will be disqualified.” Yoohyeon looks back and forth between Minji and Siyeon. “Got it?”

“Got it,” Siyeon says, eyes locked with Minji’s. They tighten their grip on Handong’s legs and just hopes that they’re able to keep themself and their girl steady enough for her to push Gahyun off Minji’s shoulders.

“Alright, whoever wins gets to challenge Yubin and Bora in the next round!” Yoohyeon declares. “Fight!”

“Stay still,” Handong hisses, dipping her head down so Siyeon will hear her. “Let them come to us.”

Siyeon nods and stays where they are, watching as Minji slowly starts to move closer. In retrospect, Yoohyeon probably should’ve made them move closer to each other before they started, but it’s too late to change that now. Plus, forcing Minji to wade through the water to get to them might give them an advantage.

Maybe. The look on Minji’s face is a bit scary, if Siyeon’s being honest. The older girl looks fiercely determined with her jaw set and her eyebrows furrowed.

“Get ready,” Handong says as Minji closes the gap.

Siyeon braces their feet against the sand and silt as Handong clashes with Gahyun above them. They grit their teeth, struggling to keep their footing in the water.

Minji presses forward and Siyeon counters with a step back, which turns out to be a mistake.

As Siyeon steps back, Gahyun pushes Handong hard and forces the girl to reel back. The force of the push, combined with the loose sand under their feet, causes Siyeon to slip and fall backward into the water.

They surface with a gasp and whip around to find Handong surfacing as well, brushing hair out of her face. “Shit. I’m-”

Handong shakes her head with a laugh as she wipes her face free of water. “Not your fault,” She says, standing up after a few seconds. “C’mon. We have to sit this next match out, but I want a rematch.”

“Hey.”

Siyeon looks over their shoulder toward the house, seeing Handong standing in the doorway leading into the living room. “Hey,” They reply, giving the girl a smile.

“What’re you doing out here?” Handong asks, stepping out onto the porch and sliding the door shut behind her. “It’s late.”

“I know,” Siyeon says, waiting until Handong has settled into the other lounge chair before turning back to look at the darkening sky.

“Everything okay?” Handong asks after a few seconds of silence.

“Yeah,” Siyeon answers, watching as stars begin to appear in the night sky.

“So… Why are you out here instead of in bed with me?” Handong asks with a soft laugh.

“I was thinking,” Siyeon says, watching the stars twinkle. “And I didn’t want to keep you awake, but it looks like I’m still doing that.” They breathe out a soft laugh. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Handong says with a quick shake of her head. “What’re you thinking about? If you want to share, I mean. You don’t have to, obviously. You know that.”

Siyeon hums. “I know,” They say softly. They pull in a breath and move their eyes from the sky to look at Handong. They smile.

Handong smiles back and reaches out a hand, palm up.

Siyeon’s smile grows, and they slide their hand into Handong’s, squeezing tightly. They turn their eyes back to the sky and the stars and breathe out slowly.

They’re not sure how to put their thoughts into words that make sense to Handong. They’re not sure that they would make sense even if they were able to find the words.

Handong squeezes Siyeon’s hand gently.

“I love you,” Siyeon whispers.

“And I love you,” Handong whispers back, her smile clear in her tone of voice.

“I was just thinking about when we first got here,” Siyeon breathes. “I didn’t really feel like I was here. It all felt sort of distant. And to be honest, I don’t really remember much from those first couple of days.”

“Oh,” Handong says softly.

“I think it’s because of all the stress,” Siyeon says, glancing at Handong and seeing the concern on the girl’s face. “The weight I was carrying. I wasn’t really present the first couple of days because I was so worried and scared.”

Handong hums softly.

“And now…” Siyeon trails off, looking back toward the sky. “Ever since I told Yoohyeon and Gahyun, I’ve felt like I could enjoy it. I could enjoy being here, being with you, being with everyone. I was present. I wasn’t lost anymore. You know?”

Handong nods her head. “Yeah,” She says, the smile evident in her tone. “I know.”

“I finally noticed everything around me,” Siyeon continues. “Like I feel like I didn’t even realize that the fridge in the kitchen had two doors until I told everyone. Or that the sunrises here are the most beautiful sunrises I’ve ever seen.”

Siyeon pulls in a slow breath and shifts slightly in their seat. They exhale slowly.

“Now it’s our last night here. Tomorrow, we go home. Back to our lives.” The thought is scary. Having to leave this little slice of paradise and go back home to their parents who have no idea what’s going on with their child.

Handong hums quietly and squeezes Siyeon’s hand tightly.

“I’m scared,” Siyeon admits in a whisper. “I don’t know how I’m going to tell my parents, or if I should even tell them at all.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell them?” Handong asks.

“I don’t know,” Siyeon says. “I don’t know. Sometimes, I feel like it’s not that big of a deal, me not having a gender and using they/them pronouns. I feel like… I don’t know.”

“Like you should keep it to yourself?” Handong asks.

“Yeah,” Siyeon whispers. “Maybe. Just so maybe no one feels burdened, I guess.” They shrug.

“Siyeon,” Handong whispers, shifting in her seat. “I think you’ve convinced yourself that you need to make yourself small to please the people around you. Or that you need to be smaller so that they don’t have to worry about you.”

Siyeon blinks, their chest feeling tight. They squeeze Handong’s hand tightly and shut their eyes. “Maybe,” They whisper, their throat closing up as tears gather in their eyes.

“You don’t have to do that,” Handong says firmly. “You don’t need to make yourself small for other people. Don’t beat yourself down so others can use you as a stepping stone to bring themselves up. Please don’t do that.”

Siyeon swallows hard around the lump forming in their throat and opens their eyes to stare down at the fabric of the chair they’re sitting in.

“The people who love you don’t want you to make yourself small,” Handong says. “The people who love you would never ask or tell you to do that. They’d never ask you to make yourself into a stepping stone for them. I’d never ask you to make yourself smaller just so I can have an easier time.” She heaves a breath and gets up, moving to straddle the lounge chair that Siyeon is sitting in, placing herself in front of them. “Look at me.”

Siyeon sniffles and lifts their head to meet Handong’s eyes. The girl is slightly blurry thanks to their tears, but they blink them back to see her better. She’s beautiful. The most beautiful person they’ve ever seen. They open their mouth to tell her that, but they don’t get to because Handong speaks first.

“I love you,” Handong says firmly. “And I would never ask you to make yourself smaller for me. I would never tell you that you need to dim your light so mine can be seen better. You understand?”

Siyeon sniffles and nods their head, reaching up with their free hand to wipe the tears from their cheeks.

“And anyone who does ask you to do that can answer to me,” Handong says. “Me and the rest of the girls inside.” She nods toward the house. “Because I know that they would all go toe-to-toe with whoever is messing with you in a heartbeat. You know why?”

Siyeon bites their lip and shrugs their shoulders.

“Because we love you,” Handong says with a soft laugh.

Siyeon wipes their face again and blows out a shaking breath. “I’m scared that my parents will…” They trail off, shaking their head and shutting their eyes against a fresh wave of tears.

“You don’t have to tell them right away,” Handong says. “Tell them when you’re ready, okay? And if you want, I can be there with you when you do.”

Siyeon hums. They bite their lip again. “I… Would it be okay if I wait?”

“Of course,” Handong says. “You don’t need to ask me for permission, silly.”

“I…” Siyeon trails off, swallowing thickly. “I think I should wait. Maybe after I move out. Just… Just in case they…” They trail off again, squeezing Handong’s hand tightly.

“If that’s what you want to do, you have my full support, Siyeon,” Handong says firmly. “I’m here, and I’ll stand beside you for as long as you want me to.”

Siyeon presses their lips together tightly, trying not to bite the bottom one again. “Is forever okay?”

“Forever is fine with me,” Handong breathes out. “I’ll be by your side forever if that’s how long you want me to be there.”

“It is,” Siyeon whispers. They tug on Handong’s hand gently. “C’mere please.”

Handong hums, scooting closer. “I’m here. I’m right here, Siyeon.” She lifts her free hand to cup Siyeon’s face, using her thumb to wipe tears away from their cheek. “I’m here.”

Siyeon hums and leans their head into the touch. “You’re here.”

“Right here,” Handong whispers. “What do you need me to do right now?”

“Could you… Can I hold you?” Siyeon asks, turning their head to press their lips to Handong’s palm.

“Yeah,” Handong answers. “Let me turn around.”

Siyeon hums and fights the urge to pout as Handong pulls her hands away from Siyeon in order to stand up and turn around so that her back is facing them.

Handong glances over her shoulder before sitting down on the lounge chair and leaning back into Siyeon’s chest. “This okay?”

“Yeah,” Siyeon answers, wrapping their arms tightly around the girl’s waist and pulling her closer. “Thank you.”

“I love you, Siyeon,” Handong whispers, laying her hands over Siyeon’s on her waist. “My Siyeon.”

“Your Siyeon,” Siyeon whispers back, tucking their face into Handong’s shoulder with a sigh. “And I love you, My Dongdong.”

“Got everything?” Minji asks as Siyeon wrestles their suitcase into the trunk of the older girl’s car.

“Yeah,” Siyeon answers, stepping out of the way so Minji can shove her own suitcase into the already packed trunk. “Dong and I triple-checked the room before we came outside.” They laugh and reach out to help Minji with the suitcase.

“Good,” Minji says, grunting as the suitcase slides into place among the pile of others. “Finally.”

Siyeon chuckles at that and steps back from the car, watching Minji reach up and shut the trunk. “Well, drive safe.”

“You’re not coming with me?” Minji asks with a slight pout.

Siyeon shakes their head with a laugh. “We talked about this during breakfast, didn’t we?”

Minji shrugs.

“You’re driving Yoohyeon and Gahyun back, and Yubin’s gonna drive Yoohyeon’s car with the rest of us.”

“Oh,” Minji says. “Right.”

“Not sure how you’d forget that you’re getting to spend a long car ride with only your girlfriends in the car, but alright,” Siyeon says with another laugh. “Drive safe.”

“I will,” Minji says. “Tell Yubin to do the same.”

“I’d rather have Yubin behind the wheel than anyone else, I think,” Siyeon says quietly and grins when Minji laughs.

“Alright, see you at home, then,” Minji says, opening her arms up for a hug.

Siyeon smiles and steps into Minji’s space, wrapping their arms tightly around the older girl and humming softly when Minji squeezes them close. “See you at home.”

Minji pulls back but curls her hands around Siyeon’s biceps to keep them in place for a few more seconds. She smiles, searching Siyeon’s face. “I’m proud of you, you know.”

Siyeon nods. “Thank you,” They whisper softly.

“Of course,” Minji says with a grin. She leans in and presses her lips to Siyeon’s forehead. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” Siyeon says, feeling Minji release them. They don’t step back right away, though.

“Alright, tell Yubin to be careful,” Minji says, reaching up to ruffle Siyeon’s hair before stepping back and pulling her car keys from her pocket.

“Drive safe,” Siyeon says as they step away from Minji’s car. They wave to Yoohyeon and Gahyun before walking over to the other car, finding Handong and Bora already sitting inside.

Handong’s in the backseat, scrolling on her phone, and Bora’s in the passenger seat, messing with the radio and the air controls.

“Where’s Binnie?” Siyeon asks as they slide into the backseat next to Handong.

“Bathroom,” Bora answers, fiddling with the radio some more before she turns and looks back at Siyeon and Handong. She smiles. “You two are cute.”

Handong lifts her head and looks at Bora with a raised eyebrow. “I’m not calling you cute,” She says bluntly before looking back down at her phone.

“Okay,” Bora says with a soft scoff. “Rude.”

“Love you,” Handong says in a sickly sweet tone.

Bora rolls her eyes and turns back around to face the front, folding her arms over her chest with a huff.

Siyeon chuckles. “Thanks, Bora. You and Binnie are cute, too.”

“Thank you,” Bora says with a nod.

“Alright,” Yubin says as she climbs into the driver’s seat and adjusts it. She reaches up to adjust the rearview mirror with a sigh. “We ready?”

“Ready,” Siyeon says, glancing at Handong, who just nods her head.

“Great,” Yubin says, shifting to pull a pair of sunglasses off her hair. She slides them onto her face and buckles in, glancing at Bora. “Buckle.”

Bora hums and buckles in, glancing into the backseat. “Siyeon. Buckle. Driver said so.”

Siyeon nods and buckles up, reaching for Handong’s hand after doing so. “Ready.”

“Back to civilization,” Yubin says as she backs the car up slightly to turn it around.

“Unfortunately,” Bora says, setting her left arm on the center console.

Siyeon hums and squeezes Handong’s hand tightly, watching Yubin take her right hand off the steering wheel to take Bora’s hand. She bites back a smile at that and looks over at Handong.

Handong’s got her phone away now, and she’s looking out the window as the ocean flies by as they head to the main road. She heaves a sigh and turns her head, meeting Siyeon’s eyes. The girl smiles. “Good?”

Siyeon takes a few seconds before answering to assess. They’ve come out to all their friends and hadn’t been rejected or belittled. They have Handong as their girlfriend. They’d been able to enjoy the last week at the beach house with everyone without anything weighing them down.

They nod, smiling as they tug at Handong’s hand. “Good,” They whisper, leaning in for a kiss.

“Good,” Handong whispers back as her lips meet Siyeon’s. “I love you, My Siyeon.”

“I love you, too, My Dongdong.”