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"Professor, I don’t wish to alarm you, but I think I’m ill and would like to be taken to the medics."
At the sound of those words Qifrey almost dropped the spoon he was holding.
He was peacefully preparing dinner for the girls, when Agott suddenly appeared in the kitchen and announced she felt ill. He immediately left the cooking stew, upon giving it a quick glance to make sure abandoning it for a while wouldn’t create any fire hazard, and rushed to his apprentice.
"I said I didn’t want to alarm you," she repeated, as he knelt down before her, clearly concerned. "Sorry. It… it probably isn’t that serious."
"I’ll always be concerned about my apprentices' well-being," he opposed. "What’s wrong? Do you feel pain anywhere?"
He looked at her thoughtfully and yet didn’t find any signs of sickness or injuries. Naturally, that didn’t mean her words should be dismissed. If she struggled mentally, Qifrey would take it as seriously as he would if she caught a cold.
"I don’t… feel it right now."
"So you did before?"
"Well…" she looked away, seemingly embarrassed. "Sometimes my chest tightens and hurts a little bit. And my stomach feels weird. Then I get kind of dizzy… and can’t focus properly on anything."
Maybe she just didn’t rest enough, Qifrey wondered. It wouldn’t be the first time one of his apprentices pushed herself beyond her limits and it especially wasn’t unheard of for Agott. But if that was the case, she would probably be perfectly aware of the reason for her symptoms and wouldn’t ask her teacher to take her to the doctor… Despite that, he wanted to ask if she was sleeping well, just to make sure. But the girl spoke before him.
"And the weirdest thing is…" she continued after a long pause, with her head still slightly tilted so she wouldn't need to meet her teacher's gaze. "It only happens when Coco’s around."
Oh.
Oh.
Now it all made perfect sense.
On one hand, Qifrey just felt relieved his dear apprentice was completely alright. But on the other, the talk he was now supposed to have with her would be far harder to handle than dealing with a cold. Both for him and for the girl standing before him, even though her confession didn't surprise him at all.
Well, conversations like that were probably unavoidable in the life of a caretaker. Qifrey quickly shut off the memory of Beldaruit trying to have a similar talk with him when he was younger. It wasn't like he ever had wanted to discuss this with his professor, so he couldn’t blame Agott if she wouldn’t be willing to cooperate. It was, after all, a really delicate subject, especially for the young. So in order not to close off her fragile, juvenile heart he certainly didn't want to give her a grand speech starting with 'When I was your age' or innocently tease her about it, all like a certain teacher once did.
Eventually he decided the best course of action would be to simply offer:
"Agott, want to lend me a hand with dinner?"
"Huh…? But…"
"If you ask me, you’re perfectly healthy. But we can talk about this as we go. Sounds good?"
Agott didn’t look convinced. At first it seemed like she wanted to say something more, but after a while she slowly nodded. Qifrey smiled again, gave her a gentle pat on the shoulder and finally stood up. Upon giving the girl a quick glance to make sure she followed him, he cautiously checked on the pot. Thank goodness, nothing burned. He turned back to Agott and reached out his hand in an inviting gesture. She went a few more steps deeper into the kitchen, but suddenly stopped. Her face wore a weird expression, as if there was some sort of realization. Eyes were widened, lips opened so slightly and the cheeks started to flush with bright red.
"Professor Qifrey!" she shouted nervously and immediately seemed to lose her words.
"Yes?" It was said in a gentle, soft tone, hoping to encourage her.
"You don’t… you d-don’t think that…" Her cheeks were as red as ripe apples. "I l-like… her… in that way…right? Because that’s obviously not the case!"
Qifrey needed to fight with himself not to chuckle. That would simply be rude. He gave her a warm smile instead.
"I won’t be telling you what your feelings mean. You’re perfectly capable of deciding that yourself. All I can say is I don’t think you’re ill and you shouldn’t worry too much about it."
"But!" Agott shouted, a little bit too harshly and too loud. She must've recognized it, because she cleared her throat before continuing in a less sharper tone. "It cannot be like that! It’s not like I don’t know how crushes work… and didn’t consider it being an option… but this is just ridiculous! I mean… it’s her of all people!"
Here we go, thought Qifrey as he smiled helplessly.
He glanced at the small pile of chrysanthonions that were left on the counter, waiting to be put in a saucepan and be fried until they would make the stew even more flavorful. He grabbed one of them and gently threw it in the direction of his apprentice. She yelped with surprise, barely catching it mid-air and gave him a look that was a mixture of confusion and embarrassment.
"Can you draw a pyreball spell and fry these chrysanthonions for me?" he asked so casually as if nothing happened. "Warm and tasty food does wonders for one's health after all."
Agott looked highly unconvinced and unimpressed. For a moment he was afraid she was gonna just toss the onion away and run back to her room. But maybe given the fact that action would create a high possibility of her running into the culprit behind this whole conversation, or maybe just because she decided to agree to play her teacher's weird games, she stayed. She slowly but steadily made her way to the counter and silently stood next to Qifrey. He nodded happily and offered the girl his own wand. She took it from him and, without a word, got to work.
He almost let out a sigh of relief seeing her like this, calming down little by little as she focused on casting magic. The spell he asked for was a pretty simple one, so all it took from her were a few confident and well-practiced strokes. It made her breath and heartbeat gradually return to their intended pace.
"Here," she said with a flat tone while closing the circle.
"Thank you, it's perfect!" He clasped his hands as the proud teacher he was. "Now please put a saucepan on it and pour a little bit of oil and butter inside. We will fry these onions. But be careful!"
"I'm not going to burn myself," Agott mumbled, but followed his instruction without further complaints.
Qifrey kept an eye on both the stew he was boiling in the second pot and on his apprentice. The kitchen started to be filled with a delicious smell of the dish they were making, full of veggies and juicy meat. The awkward atmosphere stepped aside to make place for something more comforting.
As the girl focused on tossing the chrysanthonions in the saucepan, he decided it was time to speak. "Agott," he started gently, grabbing her attention. "It's fine to get lost in your own thoughts and feelings. Everyone does that sometimes."
She looked at him like a startled deer and the last vegetable accidentally slipped from her hand, landing next to the saucepan. Not a great start.
"You don't need to respond at all," he immediately reassured her and took the fallen onion before she could with her frantic moves. "But if you ever want to open up about it, or something else, I will be there to listen."
Agott closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It's not… I just…" she groaned. "Professor, do you really think I… li… like her?"
"I'm not thinking anything" he murmured while tossing the onions around so they would get nice and glossy on every side. "As I said, it's for you to decide."
"But you're certain it's not a sickness," she pressed.
"If you're genuinely concerned about it, we can get you a check-up," the man answered with full sincerity. "The chrysanthonions are starting to look great. Can you pass me some flour?"
The girl groaned again, but her eyes searched for the desired ingredient anyway and as they landed on it, she silently gave it to her teacher. "Let's say, hypothetically, it is a c-crush. What… what would I even do from there?"
Qifrey wondered as he tossed flour into the saucepan. That was a tough question. He assumed subsequent answer of the nature of 'you're the one who should decide' wouldn't satisfy his stubborn apprentice. But… It really felt like the right one. He didn't think he should be the one dictating the emotional life of his students, it was theirs to live. On the other hand, it was hard to think of another person as bad at figuring out their own feelings as a young, lost teenager who had fallen in love for the first time. A little bit of guidance shouldn't hurt.
"You could tell her how you feel," he started and immediately paused seeing Agott's horrified expression at that proposition. "…or simply wait. See how your emotions develop and what you feel going onward. There's no need to rush things." If one asked him, he absolutely mastered the art of 'not rushing things' when it came to his feelings towards a certain someone. "See, if we would put this stew off fire too early, it would taste lackluster. It needs time for all the flavors to release. It's okay to let your thoughts boil, but also don't let them overwhelm you. If the flavor is getting too intense, it's alright to put the boiling to a stop."
He wasn't sure how she would like her complicated dilemmas being likened to their dinner for tonight, but even though she didn't respond, he hoped the point got across.
"Speaking of, it's time to add some milk to the onions."
Qifrey didn't even need to ask, Agott silently handed it over to him. He gave her a thankful nod and slowly, gradually poured the liquid into the saucepan. The whole kitchen smelled so good. He could see from the corner of his eyes the girl looking at the pot with bright eyes full of anticipation. As if discovering she was being watched, she quickly cleared her throat, like pretending not to care.
"Now we wait for it to thicken so we can combine both parts of the stew," he explained while carefully stirring the flowery onions and milk mixture.
His apprentice hummed in acknowledgment absentmindedly. A comfortable silence surrounded the room, mixing itself with the gentle veggies and meat aroma. Qifrey took it as an opportunity to give Agott space to think and he himself focused on making sure their dinner would turn out nicely.
As he started combining the onion mix with the broth, the girl suddenly spoke. "But what if time won't help? What if I… hypothetically… will only grow more confused?" She looked at her teacher with a shine of desperation in her eyes.
"Then you could always open up about it to somebody." Qifrey gently patted Agott's shoulder. "It's okay to talk about your feelings. Here you're surrounded by people who will give their best to be compassionate and understandable. Besides, I don't think you have a reason to worry this much. Coco is a good girl and I'm sure she wouldn't make fun of you or do anything similar."
A sprinkle of red returned to the girl's cheeks as she turned her gaze away. "But she was an outsider and… and I was mean to her," she admitted. He wondered if she was admitting it more to herself than him. "Ugh! I just care about her because she's a fellow apprentice and she has been through a lot! It's natural I get nervous!"
At first Qifrey wanted to oppose, but knowing it would contradict with his own advice on figuring things on one's own and not rushing them, he offered her a helpless smile. "And since you're a caring fellow apprentice you can serve her and the other girls this delicious dinner tonight" he said instead.
Agott seemed to turn even more red, but she nodded. She silently watched as Qifrey slowly mixed both parts of the stew together.
"It looks and smells great, doesn't it?" he asked upon finishing combining the ingredients. They were left to boil one more time.
The girl nodded again.
Allowing the pleasant smell to fill his nostrils, the teacher thought very carefully about what he should say next.
"I know that's not necessarily what you meant, but… please don't ever let anyone convince you that your emotions are wrong. Be it these or different ones," he paused, mindfully picking his words. "You're not weird or sick for feeling one way or another. In fact, it only makes you more human. Never forget it."
Silence was brought upon the room once again. Qifrey simply hoped that Agott would take his words to her heart, at least a little bit. He genuinely meant what he said and despite the girl not saying any of that out loud, knowing her obsession with perfection and meeting other's expectations he couldn't not remind her of it. Her teacher didn't suffer from the same exact problems as she had, but he knew the pain of believing his feelings were invalid all too well. Believing he wasn't worthy of adoring and loving that person. He never wanted any of his students to ever experience something even remotely similar.
"…I know that," she ended up stating. Her mouth was hidden by one of her hands.
"That's good to hear," he smiled warmly in response and simply kept stirring the stew as if nothing had happened.
Possibly to the surprise of both of the witches, it was the girl who spoke next. "Professor, I-"
She ended as abruptly as abrupt was the sound of loud footsteps coming from the stairs. They both looked in the direction from which the noise came from, their conversation ultimately killed. Three girls appeared in the kitchen, one more enthusiastic than the other.
"Professor! We know we should be still studying but the smell was sooo good we couldn't hold ourselves," started Tetia in an apologetic tone.
Riche was simply chanting "Dinner, dinner" and Coco looked at the pot with shiny eyes.
"Agott, you made this?! It looks amazing!" she asked and seemed like she could jump from the pure excitement.
"…I helped a little," Agott mumbled, trying to hide her embarrassment. "And it's not ready yet anyway. You all could benefit from that additional studying time."
"That's not fair! You were helping our professor with cooking instead of drawing!" Pink pigtails almost vibrated as Tetia stated her discontent.
"Agotta be hungry," added Riche.
"She was asking me about something regarding her studies," Qifrey finally spoke. A gentle smile formed on his face. "And in addition helped with dinner. I think that's a fair work on her side."
The girls glanced at each other and slowly nodded in agreement. For Agott's sake, their teacher could let out a sigh of relief, thanking them for not preaching more into what he and their friend were specifically talking about.
"As Agott said, the stew isn't ready yet, but you can set the table. I'm sure you all worked hard today."
The apprentices smiled and immediately went to prepare for their shared meal. To Qifrey's surprise, his little helper didn't go with them and instead stayed by his side. He looked at her curiously. After making sure the other apprentices weren't paying them attention, too busy with joyous chatter as they were putting bowls and spoons on the table, he whispered softly:
"If you want to, you can tell me what it was later."
She winced, probably not expecting him to bring the topic again in the presence of its main subject. Her bright eyes avoided his. "…Okay. Later," she stated quietly.
"Whenever you're ready."
The girl hesitated before opening her mouth so slightly. But the exact moment she wanted to say something, their attention was brought up to another noise originating from the table.
"Agott! You coming?" It was Coco by whom she got enthusiastically called.
"I'm right here, you don't need to shout," she grumbled in response.
She rolled her eyes, but didn't need to be told twice. She glanced at her professor one more time, mumbled a barely audible "Thank you" under her breath and went to join her fellow students sitting at the table.
As Qifrey stood still next to the stove, cheerful voices of his dear apprentices were ringing in his ears. He couldn't help but smile under his nose, be it with a tinge of bittersweetness. First crushes tended to be messy. The ones involved were often meant to get hurt. But that's the nature of life, isn't it? And it wasn't like it was up to him anyway. Besides, from all the possible witches Agott's heart could choose, it chose the embodiment of light, the ray of hope. The one who undeniably already helped her.
They'll be alright.
"Girls, dinner is ready!"
He was met with excited applause.