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The sun slowly hits your skin, the warm, tickling breeze in the air, waves swooshing to the seashore. You couldn’t have imagined a better holiday. Laying on the sunbed in between your mothers, Joyce and Karen. In a sleepy haze.
—
The flight here was a bit terrifying. You were not a big fan of long flights, no matter where. And when the plane went into a turbulence mid-air, you got into a huge panic. Joyce had prepared you for it, she knew how you felt about airways and planes. So they had gotten you cool drinks, your favorite snakcks to pair with to try and make you forget that you were flying on a huge chunk of metal, even for a moment. But when the wind traffic struck some time after halfway during the flight, panic shot into your chest. Seated between your parents, you motioned for both of their hands. Karen squeezed tighter, she always did. When the turbulence ended, she took you in for a hug, getting rid of the armrest between the two of you and pulling you close to her side. Karen always smelt like cinnamon and fresh detergent. The soothing feeling of her hands rubbing at your back more than enough to calm down your rapid heartbeat. You can feel her mouth something at Joyce over her shoulder, without needing to look. Joyce had reached out a hand to sooth over your hair then to pinch Karen’s cheek.
It was already a beautiful trip before the plane had landed.
The three of you arrived to the hotel talking and laughing together, Karen giggling at anything Joyce says, you occasionally holding their hands and squeezing, asking questions about the city you’re in. Your room had one double, for Joyce and Karen, and one single, for you. Quickly unpacking your bag and throwing on a swimsuit, you waited impatiently for them, so that you could go to the beach that was literally just outside the hotel. You grabbed your walkman and a few of your favorite cassettes, Cindy Lauper’s ‘She’s So Unusual’, Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ and Marianne Faithful’s ‘Broken English’ that Joyce had gotten you when you were younger. You played that one too many times that the leader tapes inside have worn out and threatened to snap.
—
The beach side was beautiful. Not too crowded but not deserted either. Filled with colorful umbrellas and waitresses running around with even more colorful drinks at hand. You found three sunbeds close to the shore, under the umbrellas but airy enough that you could move them to the sun if you wished to.
Joyce immediately wanted to enter the water, already getting rid of the dress Karen had given her to put on, because she simply couldn’t go in her bikini top and denim shorts. The short was still there under the dress though.
Karen, on the other hand, insisted you needed to lay under the sun for a while first. So you could get enough vitamin-D, get tanned and sweat enough to deserve the cold water.
You went to soak your feet in the cold water as they argued in the silly way they always did over daily things.
“Common ‘Ren, just for a while! Then we can flop on the beds for as long as you like.”
“It’s called sunbathing. You know that by now Joy! And don’t be so impatient, you’re being a bad example for our daughter” Joyce giggled at the bad-example part, you smiled wide upon hearing our daughter.
By now Joyce was grabbing Karen by the arm, both of them in their bikinis. Joyce trying to pull her closer to the water, Karen trying to protest but already agreeing on the inside. You just watch as they approach nearer and nearer to you, in the water. “Common mom! The water is beautiful.” you shout at Karen and she laughs loudly. But once her feet touches the water, still holding Joyce by the hand who is leading her, she shrieks out. “It’s too cold! You didn’t tell me it was cold!”
You laugh loudly, the two of them finally fully in the water. “You get used to it after a while.” Karen just rolls her eyes in response. “Oh come on, don’t be so sassy Karen.” Joyce says as you swim closer to the two of them. You give her the softest kiss on the cheek just as Joyce does the same as you. Karen blushes shyly afterwards, like she can’t believe how lucky she got.
—
Outside the weather is beautiful. The umbrellas causing a glow on your skin, the sun shining through, sound of people splashing and swimming in the water. Joyce and Karen sitting on the same bench, next to you. Joyce rubs some sunscreen on Karen’s back, careful not to miss a spot.
“Don’t miss any spot Joyce, I don’t wanna get sunburnt.”
“Oh baby, don’t worry I wont’.” she plants a kiss on her shoulder, Karen turning her face to hers, barely closing the distance. Joyce’s lips narrowing the distance between just when Karen’s eyes find yours, sunglasses propped up on your head, book open in hand and an unimpressed expression. She immediately bursts into giggles, confusing Joyce. “We’ve been caught, honey.” she whispers into her mouth and they both look at you.
“Oh come on!” Joyce buries her face in the crook of Karen’s neck, barely hiding. “It’s not like she’s a kid anymore!” she protests but you’re not even listening, eyes returning to your book, Go Ask Alice. All the while Joyce plants a kiss to Karen’s collarbone, her short brown hair falling and grazing her skin.
“Joyce!” Karen whispers, “That tickles.” Joyce just hums in return. The bottle of sunscreen laying in between them, but not forgotten. “Come on, it’s your turn.” Karen says, to Joyce who never wants to even get out to the sun. Joyce immediately sprints up, detangling herself from Karen’s embrace. “Sure!” she shouts as she runs backwards to the water, “If you can catch me, that is!”
And just like that she jumps into the water, immediately starting to swim away through the glimmering waves. Karen turns to look into your eyes, her expression mirroring yours so well that Joyce sometimes forgets you’re adopted. “Can you believe her?” she asks, hand still covered in sunscreen that she failed to put on her.
You giggle and drop your book to the coffee table in between, motioning up. “Come here baby, let me put it on your back instead.” she says in that soft-spoken, unrefusable voice.
—
Playing uno by the sea, under the shadow of the umbrellas, the cards threatening to fly due to the wind.
Joyce is too enthusiastic about it, just like every other board game. She gets too competitive, Karen finds it adorable, you find it as a challenge, always upping her game. And now you’re deep in the game, silly but confused. Karen pinches your cheek when you change the color to one of the colors that is prominent in her hand.
“Uno!” Joyce screams, slamming the card onto the table excitedly, unknowing of the fact that you only have two cards in your hand and one of them is the ‘draw 4 cards’ one.
Karen throws a red 4, exactly the same color as your other card, a seven. You snicker in a mock evil way, “Uno!” and put down the +4 card. Joyce’s eyes grow wide, throwing her head back in defeat. “No way! That’s just-”
“I didn’t do anything, mom.” you grin, Joyce sticks out her tongue in response and draws the cards. Karen giggles heartily at the interaction and puts down another red card. You know you have won.
“Aaanndd….” you throw away your red seven, “that’s a game!” you throw up your hands in victory.
“No way! You cheated!” Joyce starts gathering the cards for another round. “Don’t you think she cheated sweetheart?” Joyce turns to Karen, she shoves her arm without answering. “Well done, baby.” she says, “Though I still can’t figure out how you keep winning so fast! I’m starting to get bored.”
“That’s because she cheats.” Joyce teases even further and you burst out a laugh. “No I don’t! You’re just a sore loser.”
“Common. Let’s play one more round. I’ll get you this time.”
“That’s what you said for the last 12 rounds.” Karen says, leaning back on the head rest leisurely. “I’m out after this one. I need to sleep a bit before the dinner.”
—
Karen’s dress flows just over her knees, a baby blue one with small lemons printed on it. Joyce is putting on her sandals, her denim shorts still intact with a short-sleeved flannel so much like the ones she wears at home. You sit on the edge of the bed, finished with getting ready and dabbing perfume on your neck.
Joyce walks over to sit next to you on your single bed, with her shoes on, that makes Karen’s eyes turn. “Not with the shoes Joy.”
“Oh come on, for how many days are we staying here anyway?” she looks at her through the mirror, Karen applying the last bit of her makeup. She gives her a gentle smile, the lines around her lips softening as she looks at the two of you. Joyce just lays her head on your shoulder, throwing an arm around your back. You lay yours on top and let the smell of her hair and fresh shampoo hit your nostrils. She doesn’t smell like cigarettes, not anymore. Not for a few years since she quit. It hasn’t been easy, not for her, not for Karen. But she had made it, with help from two of the most important people in her life.
So you inhale the smell of her even harder, basking in it, just when Karen calls over, “I’m ready!”
—
On the way to the restaurant you found about thanks to the receptionists at the hotel, you walk through the bazaar. The local marketplace of the foreign town, filled with a mix of locals and tourists. You look through the wooden stands filled with colorful artifacts, magnets, seashells, wooden toys. The glass showcases and the mannequins behind them, styled in different ways. The live music and human chatter filling out of the restaurants, the pubs looming at every corner of the alley.
“Was it a right from here… or no. Wait it has to be from the second street.” Joyce tries to remember the directions the lady from the hotel gave her. Karen insists that she is wrong.
“No Joyce it’s a left! She said the name was Tunnel, look, there’s a sign pointing to it already!”
“Mom! Mom, look.” both of them turn to you like on command. It makes you giddy how easy it is to get their attention. Pointing at one of the sellers that has a stand full of knit bags in front of them. “Can we go look? Please, please it would go so well with my swimsuit for the beach…”
Karen’s face lights up in a smile, grabbing you by the hand and leading the way to the stand without word. “Hello ladies!” beams the woman sitting next to the stand.
“Hi,” you say, squished between Joyce and Karen as you take a look at the filet bags. You take one of the brown ones in your hand, running your fingers through the mesh. “Oh that one’s beautiful sweetheart.” Karen touches the material as well, “Don’t you think Joyce?”
“Yeah, I love the color and the pattern looks very interesting.” she leans against the stand, turning to look at you and Karen side by side. “I make them myself.” the seller lady says and your interest piques instantly. “The yarn is made here in our hometown, it’s a local pattern that most towners learn at a young age. Most girls knit or crochet at young ages here.” she explains, seeing the expressions on your faces.
“This one is just gorgeous.” you say, smiling at the lady. “Can we get it mom? Please, please.” you turn to Karen, then to Joyce to find them looking at each other knowingly.
“Of course we can baby.” Karen takes out Joyce’s wallet from her armbag, “How much is it?”
—
The place is airy, the ceiling higher than you expected, dazzled with turkish mosaic lamps. Tables filled with people inanimately engaging in conversation. You seated across your parents at one of the tables outside.
The moment your dinner arrives you start munching down on it almost breathlessly, too hungry from the long day at the beach. The two of them laugh watching you, Joyce reaching out with one hand. “Calm down sweet girl, nobody’s taking it from you. You can breathe.”
You just smile at them, mouth close and filled with food, the greasy tomato sauce covering all around your mouth. “Let her have at it, Joy.” Karen says affectionately, grabbing her fork and sticking it into a piece of meat on her plate. She hums at the taste, her eyes closing. You watch Joyce watch her, her big brown eyes getting warmer, turning into a fuzzy mess beside her. It makes your insides melt into a warm jumble.
—
“We should get ice cream! I’m craving something sweet.” Karen says once you’re out the place, once again walking in the streets. “Or no, we should get that delish.”
“You mean delight? Like turkish delight?” you ask her with a silly smirk on your face. Karen’s thumb finds the edge of your mouth. “Oh wipe that grin off, you know what I meant.” she exclaims.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” Joyce keeps up the joke, trying to get Karen into that place where she isn’t exactly irritated but just flustered enough that her cheeks glow pink. “Joyce!” Karen says, as if on queue. “It’s not polite to joke about people’s cultures.” her cheeks flame with heat, turning into that rosy color. “I’m not the one calling their sweet treats ‘delish’.” Joyce moves closer to her, bumping her arm with an elbow. That drives Karen crazy, she knows it.
“Stop being so-” Joyce kisses her on the jaw, then the cheek, that spot under her left eye that has the smallest beauty mark only Joyce gets to see close up. That makes Karen go silent, giving Joyce a moment to take her arm with hers. “I’m just joking sweetheart.” she whispers into her ear, Karen blushes even further.
“Come on, lovebirds. I just spotted a cafe.” you say, unimpressed by their not out of the ordinary flirting.
The small cafe doesn’t look like the usual tourist attraction, giving it a rather distinguishable, authentic glow. You sit by the wall, the tables small and close to the ground. The owner convinces you to have turkish coffee with the lokum, Karen ordering one mildly sweetened, fearing she will find it too strong, Joyce knowing it will be just right for her. It doesn’t take long for the order to arrive, variants of the delight, some with the local tangerine, some with rose, coconut, a regular one with pistachio. Karen loves it, having four of them before even taking two sips from the coffee. Joyce is rather confused on the texture, enjoying her coffee, taking occasional sips from the water, wondering what is in it that makes it leave that gooey feeling in her mouth.
You are too busy getting entertained by their banter, once again.
“I’m telling you, there is something so weird in there. That’s not normal!” “Oh don’t be dramatic Joyce.” “Common Ren, don’t you wonder how they get it to hold up like that? Like what even is in it?” “I think it tastes delicious, don’t you agree sweetheart? (she turns to you) I’ve read on one of my magazines the other week that they put cornstarch in it to get it to reach the paste-like state. The Ottomans knew about all the ways process and use it in lots of stuff.” “Wow Karen, when did you become such a middle-eastern connoisseur?” Karen smacks her playfully in the arm. “It’s just some trivial knowledge baby! Plus it tastes delicious. We should totally get a box to take home.” “Whatever you say, beautiful.”
—
The bed is comfortable, too comfortable even. A bit unfamiliar, unsettling for you at least. You had washed your face, brushed your teeth, completed everything you did every night to make it feel like home. Yet the uneasy feeling didn’t leave, and it was stupid because you just had an amazing day with your family. Eating, drinking, chatting, just being together. It was supposed to be enough, it somehow wasn’t.
Joyce flips out the switch, exiting the bathroom in her pjs, Karen already laying in bed, her hair neatly tucked away. “Good night sweetheart.” she says to you, squeezing your shoulder briefly before going to lay down next to Karen on the bed. You give her a small smile in the dark, rolling over in the small but cold bed.
You try to think of good things, all the things you did today, together. With two of the most precious women you know on the face of this earth. Try to think of Karen’s soft giggles that show off all her crooked teeth that Joyce loves so much, or Joyce’s hand, rubbing your back and kissing your cheek.
It’s silly, they’re laying right there.
“Mom?”
“Yes baby.” Joyce and Karen shuffle in the same time, saying the same thing, in the same exact moment. It makes your stomach squeeze.
“Can I come lay with you?” your voice small, like a squeal, embarrassed to ask it. But Joyce is already opening up the duvet. “Come here dear.” Karen opens up her arms. You hop off your mattress, climbing in between them and snuggling under the sheets. It already smells like home. Karen’s floral perfume, even lingering on her pyjamas, the fresh detergent scent that never really leaves her hair. You hum quietly, placing your head on the pillows and laying on your back. Karen tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, laying on her side, gazing at you and Joyce.
“Thank you.” you whisper, voice getting lost in the darkness. “It’s alright sweet girl.” Joyce links her hand with yours, intertwining your fingers and nearing her face. The moment she motions, Karen does the same, the two of them landing a kiss on each one of your cheeks at the same time. Your face crushing in between theirs by the force of it, you can’t help the giddy laugh you release deep from your belly. Karen pulls back down, the smile plastered on her face starting to hurt her cheeks. She strokes the spot she kissed with her thumb.
“Sleep now sweetheart.” Joyce whispers softly, her voice like a lullaby in your ear. Karen keeps caressing your face silently as your eyelids flutter shut from exhaustion. Joyce doesn’t stop talking till you’re fast asleep, whispering words for both of you to hear into the room.
“Just sleep angel. You’re safe. You’re safe here. We’re here for you. We love you so much.”