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Many people dream of this day all their lives. Since the moment they understood the concept of romance and marriage, it was typical for the average person to want the love they saw their parents share when they grew old, too.
It was never in Alhaitham’s wildest dreams did he think he’d fall into likemindedness of the average person. He had never made room in his plan of success for marriage, let alone romance.
He stared at himself in the mirror in his designated room on the property they rented for this very special day, wondering how he got there. Thinking about every step he took that led him to this very moment, and to future moments of holding his lover's hand in front of all their family and friends and promising permanent, unconditional love through sickness and in health.
How did such an antisocial, analytical man like him manage to enamour the prettiest, most sought-after man in all of Sumeru? Possibly even all of Teyvat; that is if everyone had impeccable taste in what they wanted in the person they’d be spending their lives with. Alhaitham certainly considered himself the luckiest man in any universe that could exist. Not even aliens on undiscovered planets would ever be remotely as lucky as he was.
He remembered the first day he noticed the senior when they attended the Akademiya. Alhaitham was, and still is, a very standoffish man. He did not possess the kind of body language that expressed that he wanted to be bothered. The curious blond aspiring architect did not get that message whatsoever. Alhaitham had even tried pushing him away. He was not interested in any connections of any sort. He had his mind made up: he would live the perfect, lonely life, his pockets full of wealth, and a cozy home he could call his own. He didn’t have time to worry about relationships of any kind, nor was he very interested in considering so. At the time, he was convinced he was incapable of feeling the want of connection.
Kaveh insisted he be a bother in his routine and a bump in his (once) perfectly steady road. That man simply would not budge, no matter how cold Alhaitham tried to be toward him. He was a stubborn one.
As the year went on, Alhaitham didn’t mind Kaveh’s presence all that much. They both were geniuses, not just in their chosen subjects, but in general. Kaveh became a man he could respect for his like-mindedness. Alhaitham was a boy who would find any excuse not to show up to class. Yet, he found himself sitting next to his ecstatic peer. As someone with extremely sensitive hearing, he did not mind the volume at which his senior spoke more often than not.
Students would often avoid Alhaitham as much as they could. They would learn within minutes of an attempted conversation that he was not interested in human bonds. But, they would whisper amongst themselves in confusion and crave for gossip whenever he was spotted with Kaveh. He had no reason to ever care for their judgments. He was content with where he was in life. He had deliberately established that he would only make one exception in his step-by-step plan to a successful, relaxing life. He had to fit Kaveh into his future.
Though he had no one to prove it to, he argued that he only intended to keep Kaveh at a reasonable distance because he was the one person who could match his intelligence, and it was important to have someone he could have philosophical discussions with who wouldn’t get lost mid-conversation. Kaveh always kept up with him, no matter how many times he deliberately tried to confuse him.
They agreed they’d be the perfect partners to work on an end of the year thesis together. Alhaitham was positive that their shared ideas would produce the most spectacular thesis any top student had ever executed.
During that time, Kaveh had dragged in other students to lighten the workload off of two shoulders. Of course, these other students dropped like flies and left double the original effort. Alhaitham took much pride in others being unable to match their speed and determination. Plus, it was less people to bother him. They had told Kaveh that they were leaving the group project because, yes, the work was much more than they had expected, but also because of Alhaitham’s blunt and reclusive nature. Kaveh didn’t tell Alhaitham everything they said. He actually jumped through loops to keep the extent of their words of withdrawal secret.
Alhaitham already knew their reasons, though. And he couldn't care less.
He knew he should have listened to his gut. His mind yelled at him that it was an awful idea to allow himself to become attached and fall victim to human nature’s yearning for connection.
They were simply just too different.
The night after they had gotten into that argument, he cursed himself for being so stupid for not sticking to his original intentions. He ripped up the paper he hid in his desk that listed out his restructured future goals that made way for someone special.
He declared that he would never allow anyone in ever again. The seemingly endless days of heartache weren’t worth it. Getting attached just to have it ripped out of his hands within just a few hours, as if it was never there to begin with. Just like he thought he’d never be able to feel the craving for companionship, he learned that he could also feel relentless anguish for the same thing.
He did not want to experience that ever again.
Alhaitham blamed Kaveh for their separation for years to come. If Kaveh hadn’t been such a sentimental idiot, their friendship would still be in pristine condition. Kaveh didn’t care about himself enough, and it seemed that Alhaitham only cared for himself.
He thought as time ticked on, and landing himself the perfect job would wash those useless memories down the drain. Then it would truly be as if nothing had ever happened. The desired outcome. It would be as if he had never changed his future plans to make room for just one person.
But, it didn’t. It didn’t go away.
Alhaitham’s world moved on, but his feelings stood frozen in place. Alhaitham got himself everything he had ever wanted. He had a house to call his own, he had plenty of money to his name, and he was living that lonely, cozy, and lazy life he dreamed about.
If he was so fulfilled, then why wouldn’t those feelings budge?
While Alhaitham gained the title of “Feeble Scribe”, his reputation amongst others remained the same. Snide whispers as he marched through the halls to his office, strange looks while he taught classes, and narrowing eyes on the streets from people who wanted nothing to do with him. He could recall the many occasions when he would hear someone scoff and say something along the lines of “no wonder nobody wants to be around him” or “that guy is such an ignorant asshole,” and much, much more. So it truly was like nothing had diverted from the original life he had made before Kaveh.
For someone who claims a lot does not bother him, he sure was having constant sleepless nights after being woken up from unpleasant reminders of his past or impossible futures he didn’t even want.
It was like his heart refused to let go. Possibly because he had never felt that way before. But why would his heart hang on to all the good, rather than accept the awful truth? Why couldn’t his heart accept that it was better this way, that meeting Kaveh was a miscalculated mistake? Why couldn’t the aching ending be enough to shake off a connection he had so long ago?
Since he was inexperienced with any kind of relationship, for the longest time he had no idea that what he felt wasn’t just the reminiscing of an old friend. Not just reflecting on times of hilarious jokes or heated debates that always resolved themselves. It was infatuation. It was that he wanted to be devoted to the student of Kshahrewar, spend his life by his side, support his upcoming achievements, and lift his spirits when his world fell apart.
He learned this once he had gathered a few acquaintances here and there. Possibly to try to seal the gaping void in his chest that Kaveh left. It was true that he never wanted to make any close connections again, but it was also true that even if he tried, he would never feel the same way he did back then. When he realized this, he named the feelings he had for Kaveh as “love”. Platonic or romantic? He didn’t know. The only thing he knew was that he’d never find it again, and that he would refuse to ever find it again.
For a decade, the words Kaveh spewed at him echoed within him over and over. The unfriendly reminder that Kaveh regretted every moment they spent together.
The only time words affected him, it was when Kaveh tore up their thesis and walked out of his life for good. The only words that affected him were the ones that spewed out of Kaveh’s mouth as he told him what a curt asshole he was, who lacked the ability to have the slightest hint of any human emotion.
Kaveh didn’t stick around to hear Alhaitham’s truth.
So, the everlasting idea that Kaveh thought of him as nothing more than a robot pretending to be human haunted him. There were so many times he caught himself staring in the mirror, wondering if he was truly incapable of experiencing regular feelings. He wondered if he were even real at all.
But he had almost everything he ever wanted. And that would be just enough until the day he took his last breath and was laid to permanent rest.
Despite the burning gaping hole in his heart, his life was wonderful. He concluded he’d have to shove down the broken pieces of himself that would never be replenished. It wasn’t ideal, but it was logical. And that was how Alhaitham vowed to move through life; completely logical. Emotions like regret, hurt, and yearning were not logical and not worth a second thought.
When he heard a voice all too familiar in the tavern after ten grueling years of trying to get over the infamous Light of Kshahrewar, every detested feeling he had buried six feet under climbed to the surface like zombies rising back to life.
There he was, blond and beautiful and shining as brightly as he was the day Alhaitham lost him, surrounded by empty glasses of whatever alcohol he was knee deep in and crying to Lambad, the tavern owner, about his sorrows. It was confusing to say the least. Kaveh had just completed his magnum opus, the Palace of Alcazarzaray. So how could he be drowning in misery after completing such an achievement like that?
His face was flushed with pink under the soft lighting of the room, the number of drinks he indulged in written clearly on his face.
The pang of electricity striking his heart was something he couldn’t dismiss. His legs were moving faster than he could think. Logically, he should have just walked out and pretended he didn’t see a thing. That the Kaveh he saw was just a delusion. That it was some other man who looked like him, but never could be him.
The best decision of his life was made in that instant. He listened intensely to Kaveh’s cries. He pulled out his keychain that contained two similar keys hanging from it.
A man who dreamed of eternal loneliness was offering his ex-best friend a roof over his head. He was offering up the vulnerability he messily tucked away, opening up what he promised he’d never explore again.
It was like he had never ripped up those rewritten plans he made ten years ago.
After many following years of heartfelt bickering, pretending they could never get along and certainly never be roommates (though everyone knew they were living together but spared Kaveh the truth), Alhaitham found himself standing in front of the mirror in his room of the guesthouse on the wedding venue they reserved almost a year ago.
The engagement had felt like it had just happened yesterday.
Alhaitham’s original plan for the engagement fell short. He had intended to take Kaveh out for dinner that night, then drag him to the gazebo outside of Kaveh’s very own magnum opus. The night was going to be beautiful. The sky was clear, and the stars twinkled in the dark, cheering on the nervous wreck of a man to tie the knot with the only person he had ever loved. He had spent over a month planning this; it was going to be perfect.
He wasn’t nervous when the end of Sumeru crept near, and it was up to him and his friends to save their entire civilization. But proposing to the person he had been in love with since the moment they had their very first conversation was very different. He knew that Kaveh would say yes, of course. Why wouldn’t he? That fact did not ease his nerves whatsoever, unfortunately.
Kaveh had stood at the doorway that led into the bathroom, leaning against the frame and looking as angelic as ever. He laughed, crossing his hands over his chest. “‘Haitham, what is up with you? You’ve never been so anxious over a date. Actually, you’re never anxious.”
Alhaitham’s hands were sweaty and shaking as he tried to draw on the same eyeliner he put on every single day. The corners of his eyes were becoming raw from how often he was rubbing away the mistakes he created with every attempt. Kaveh pulled himself from the doorway and snatched the pen from his lover’s hand. With his other, he firmly grabbed Alhaitham by his chin, squishing in both his cheeks from the pressure of forcing him to keep his head stable and straight. Alhaitham always loved the way Kaveh stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth ever so slightly when he was focusing.
“I want to marry you.” Alhaitham’s nerves haphazardly betrayed him and drove him to ruin his entire perfect step-by-step plan on proposing to the light of his life. He just blurted out the words that were saved for later that evening.
They were both dressed in their best going-out attire. Kaveh had helped Alhaitham with every button on his black dress shirt, and Alhaitham had perfectly replicated Kaveh’s hairstyle as he had done millions of times before. He had helped Kaveh push through the new earrings Alhaitham surprised him with for this very specific night.
Now they were both standing in the small bathroom together, both looking at each other with bewildered eyes.
Kaveh was the first to break the silence, throwing his head back as he laughed out loud. “Okay, well, we can do that eventually. Right now, though, I am trying to get us out of the house, so we aren’t late for the reservation you made.”
When Kaveh began lifting his hand back up to Alhaitham’s face to resume, he was stopped by a hand wrapping around his wrist. “I’m being serious.”
“I am too. We talk about it, like, every day. And we will get married, you know that.”
Alhaitham began to tap on the pockets of his pants, frantically searching for something. Alhaitham frowned when he realized it was missing. “Stay right there,” he said, passing by him with a small kiss on his cheek.
“Alhaitham! You always complain about how long I take to get ready when we have reservations! Now look at you!” Kaveh began to protest, trailing a few steps behind his boyfriend rather than listening to his instructions.
Alhaitham emerged from their bedroom with a black box in his hand. “Kaveh,” he breathed, his hands visibly shaking as he fumbled with the box. This was the most embarrassing moment of his life. He bent down to one knee in their living room, just a few feet away from their bedroom door. He opened the box and held it up to him. “I want to marry you.”
The pen dropped from Kaveh’s grip as he brought both hands up to cover his mouth in shock. “Wait–... Wait right there for just a moment,” Kaveh scampered past Alhaitham and disappeared into the bedroom. Alhaitham snapped the box shut, confused and disheartened. Was he being rejected?
“Alhaitham,” Kaveh rounded the corner with a velvety white box in hand. “I did not think I would be getting proposed to, and proposing to you, in our living room tonight.” Kaveh dropped to one knee in front of his boyfriend, who was in the same position. He opened the box, revealing a ring inside. “Will you take my hand and spend the rest of your life with me?” Kaveh’s voice quivered, and he bit down on his lips in an attempt to prevent himself from bursting into tears.
Alhaitham blinked at him in pure shock.
Not only was his entire plan to propose to Kaveh in the most romantic place he could come up with, but Kaveh had also planned to propose that same night at that same place. And now they were both on the ground in the middle of their house, asking each other for their hand in marriage.
There was no reply needed.
Kaveh wasted no time jumping into Alhaitham’s arms, sending his body onto the floor and landing on top of him. Alhaitham gripped Kaveh’s waist, smiling up at his now fiancée. Kaveh’s ruby red eyes glittered with tears of pure joy, letting them fall freely down his face. He leaned in and kissed Alhaitham as hard as he possibly could.
Alhaitham melted under his touch so easily as he always did. Their first kiss as a soon-to-be married couple whose proposal plans fell through, but their love prospered. It always did. Through thick and through thin, their love never once faltered. If Alhaitham could define the world “soulmate”, his definition would be a perfect description of every physical and emotional detail that created the man he loved, Kaveh.
It was strange wearing the engagement ring to dinner when Kaveh wasn’t even supposed to know there was even going to be a proposal in the first place. But there was not an ounce of regret to it.
He laughed to himself quietly, shaking the lovely memories out of his head.
Then he frowned. “Maybe I should go check on Kaveh,” he tore his eyes away from the version of himself he saw in the mirror. A version he would never have recognized so many years ago, but it was the version of himself he was the most proud of.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” Deyha stuck her arm out, barring Alhaitham from moving any closer to the door. “You know the lengths Kaveh has gone through to avoid seeing you before the ceremony. He’d be devastated if his efforts went to waste.”
Alhaitham furrowed his brows, narrowing his eyes just a bit with frustration. He wanted to see his husband; what was so wrong about that?
The room he was staying in was pretty empty. There were two sofas against the wall with a table in front of them. There were many empty hangers in the closet where the special guests had hung their clothes. There were three vanities lined up side by side on the wall opposite the couches. There were supplies scattered seemingly everywhere but on surfaces where normal people would set their belongings.
Lumine came up behind him with headphones in hand. “Here, distract yourself until it’s time.” She had on the sweetest, most sincere smile on her face. She had grown a reputation in Alhaitham’s head as the “Calm in the Storm”. He was very lucky to have someone like her in his life for times like this.
He accepted her suggestion graciously, then sat back in his chair at his vanity. Deyha had helped him with perfecting his makeup. He could have done it himself and certainly tried to argue for it, but ultimately, Dehya wasn’t having it. He wondered why someone else would do something on his own body that he did every day. Nonetheless, he looked perfect. Dehya had added a touch of her own flair to his eyeshadow. Just a pop of an emerald green amongst his faint ember red he always sported. He had to admit it was a genius addition he’d have to consider implementing into his everyday look.
He closed his eyes and let his cassette Kaveh had made specifically for this day, full of recordings of beautiful instrumentals he knew Alhaitham would find soothing.
Before he knew it, Cyno was squeezing his shoulders and telling him it was time to go.
Alhaitham stared at himself in the mirror placed in front of him on the sofreh aghd, elevated on a handcrafted wooden table exactly 8 inches from the ground. He could see the arch decorated in botany with blossoms of padisarah and kalpalata flowers scattered throughout. Kaveh insisted those be the choice of flowers rather than the typical Sumeru Roses any other couple would opt for. The flames of gold-dipped candlesticks danced in the intense cyan eyes that were staring back at him.
Kaveh’s mother took initiative when curating the perfect sofreh agad for her son and future son-in-law. Alhaitham noticed the specific arrangement of elements that lay beautifully constructed in front of him.
His smile was fond as he took notice of every intricate placement and detail. Vibrant arrangements of flowers in vases decorated the table here and there. Perfectly baked, noone sangak shaped into an array of flowers, opposite stood an assortment of delicately painted takhme morgh in addition to many types of nuts that were beaded together like vines, flowing out of the bowl like a waterfall. He chuckled a little to himself, remembering the emphasis Kaveh had on what exactly he wanted on the tiered tray of sweets and pastries.
Alhaitham didn’t have much of an opinion when discussing the aesthetics of their wedding. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, rather it was impossible to interject when two renowned architects known for their beautiful work were talking details. Alhaitham preferred it that way. Anything Kaveh thought would look lovely, Alhaitham also thought it would look lovely.
Despite the multitude of colours of the many different bouquets, the beiges of the nuts, and the loudness of the fruits, Kaveh’s mother had found a way to tie in all the colours with a multitude of white and gold platters. Alhaitham admired what was in front of him. The cups of golab, surrounded by sticks of esfand incense. The tray of many spices designed to look like leaves.
Alhaitham could recall the significance of every single piece. Once he learned about everything that was going to be on this sofreh aghd, he immediately drowned himself in a pile of books that explained in great detail what they symbolized and the history of the tradition. He was determined to feel the same sentiment his future husband had for this important part of their ceremony.
When tasked with the piece of literature to be open ahead of them, Alhaitham and Kaveh did not need to do much digging in their personal library of books Alhaitham raced through. Kaveh had pulled out the thinnest book that bore no title and was wrapped in a green leather casing. It was a poetry book Alhaitham had purchased not too long after their separation during their Akademiya days. It was hidden behind dusty old books that hadn’t been thought about in years. That pesky book of poems he vowed never to read again was in the hands of the reason he removed it from memory.
The book was open on a golden stand to the poem Kaveh loved the most. If Kaveh loved it the most, then Alhaitham loved it the most too.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and
I shall but love thee better after death
When Kaveh read it out loud, he read it with contagious, threatening tears. Alhaitham had told him afterward the story of why he bought it, and why it was coated in layers of dust and tucked away on the darkest part of the shelf it waited on.
At the front of it all was a glass of the sweetest honey produced in all of Teyvat.
Ruby red eyes met the soul of his turquoise ones in the mirror to the left of him.
Alhaitham turned slowly to see the sight for himself. He couldn’t say anything. He promised he wouldn’t cry in front of all of their guests to see, but he felt his body betray him as he started becoming choked up. He was at a complete loss for words. The curled blond strands of hair framed the picture of Kaveh’s everglowing features. It was as if he were memorizing each curve and edge of Kaveh’s face and body alike.
A canopy grew from the ground, an illusion created by Lesser Lord Kusanali herself. Their closest friends and family members took turns grinding sugar cones together, showering the couple in a wish for eternal sweetness.
Alhaitham was more amazed at the way Kaveh’s eyes were shining, taking in every little detail of the world around them. The ground could open up beneath them, and Alhaitham would not tear his eyes away from his lover for even a single second to take in the end of the world.
The mirror of an eternal future, taking pictures of a moment that will forever live in time, the flatbread of prosperity, the basket of nuts of fertility, the fruit of their joyous future, the spices of their lives, the warding away of any evil that threatened to come, the flowers of life and beauty… Alhaitham understood every piece of it, and their blessings washed over him the longer he stared into the eyes of his always. Every bump in the road led him to this moment, etching into his skin and injecting his veins with an everlasting feeling of peace.
He believed the idea of soulmates was a ridiculous concept for the longest time. He hadn’t even realized that one day, he learned otherwise.
Alhaitham always believed he wanted a comfortable, selfish life of isolation and wealth. He thought the question of “why?” was for that future.
Kaveh became his true “why”. He wanted to take care of Kaveh every step of the way, the same way he always had.
Alhaitham took his groom's hand in his.
“I used to think the concept of romance was the most bizarre, unnecessary achievement a human could strive for. My drive for success was based on a future I made with no room for another to take over. I didn’t know it yet, but the day you forced yourself into that space I unknowingly left open just for you would be the best miscalculation of my life. When I pushed, you pulled. It was a tug-of-war of leave and stay. Internally, I fought for my ideal life, the one I’d stick by until the day I lay to waste. Yet, you wouldn’t let me absorb myself in my selfish ways that would have been the biggest mistake of my life without your intervention.
As much as a reclusive, pain in the ass I can be; It was that ignorance in which I abdicated just to be sure there was a place for you, no matter where the wind took me. You slipped through the cracks of an impudent facade like the grains of sand, too little for me to notice, and too late for me to dispose.
In every lifetime, I deeply believe that we will always find each other. The strings our souls twined around our fingers will forever be imperishable. Not a day goes by that I wish that childish dream of isolation had persevered. Forever I shall be dedicated to you, to us. I continue to unravel the secrets of this vast universe because of you. We will uncover every mystery of every step we take hand in hand, side by side.”
None of that was in his notecards. He just remembers Kaveh laughing through tears at his god-awful speech. Expressing emotions through words was certainly not his thing.
Kaveh dipped his finger in the honey, and Alhaitham followed suit. The sugar of the honey melted between their lips, coating their first kiss as a married couple with all the sweetness of Teyvat.
It was a blur after that. Alhaitham wasn’t sure what happened between the time they tied the knot and the time they were sitting at the table for their reception dinner. Everyone was a little blurry, their conversations entirely indistinguishable. It was the adrenaline coursing through his veins as a newlywed couple.
Kaveh stood next to him and tapped his glass with a metal utensil, grabbing the attention of every face in the room for the next part of the ceremony. It went quiet.
Everything went quiet.
Except the blaring noise of his alarm clock.
He was so sick of having that mockery of a dream night after night. A constant reminder of everything he let slip away. Kaveh was nothing more than a ghost in his life.
He would do anything to rip his beating heart out of his chest and replace it with a mechanical one, one that lacked the ability of experiencing feelings.
That ludicrous dream had been taunting him since the day he heard Kaveh was getting married.
Kaveh had packed his bags and stormed out of his house five years ago. It had been five years since the ring he bought Kaveh landed back in his own hands.
He had been a fool.
He was too afraid for his own good. Afraid of losing Kaveh one day, that somehow, subconsciously, that's what he caused. He loved that idiot of an architect so deeply, so passionately. His own feelings scared him. Scared him so bad that the love and light of his life had no choice but to walk away without turning back.
Alhaitham never meant for it to be like this.
Alhaitham couldn’t define why the enemy of his mind forced Kaveh away for the reason that he loved him so much. He never meant to play games, to challenge the depths of the blond man’s love for him. He never meant to push and pull.
The ghost of their love lingered in his house, which was no longer a home. It hadn’t been a home in a very long time, and it never will be the home it was ever again.
He didn’t run after Kaveh the way he should have. Kaveh had it all wrong, but he wasn’t the one in the wrong.
Alhaitham was a man of logic, but when it came to expressing his feelings, all logic flew out the window.
Echoes of Kaveh’s hurt mocked him every second he breathed in the house he lived in. The house he couldn’t get himself to pack up and move out of. Then he’d see memories that would drive him mad, that would cause him to spiral out of control. Then he’d be walking away from the last place Kaveh loved him in. The last place he heard a laugh as pure as gold, and a voice as sweet as honey. The last place Kaveh sat on the floor, ranting about his day or staying up until sunrise working his heart away.
Kaveh was right when he said he wished they had never met. That they should have never rekindled in the tavern, should have never lived under one roof. That they should have never promised the world to each other the night they went from boyfriends to fiancés.
He let Kaveh walk out that door. He let himself believe that Kaveh would come back.
Then he let himself believe it was better this way. That Kaveh would find better in another man.
As for Alhaitham, his life was forever frozen in time. Until the day he would be buried 6 feet under ground, he would remain stuck in guilt and regret.
It was brilliant news that the mastermind behind the Palace of Alcazarzaray was having a grand wedding right on the beautiful property. Right in the same gazebo where Alhaitham had promised him a life worth living in tandem. It was all the rage that anyone could attend such a special day.
Alhaitham was even more of an idiot for dressing in the same outfit he wore the night of his proposal, and an idiot for attending something that hurt him so relentlessly.
He defended it by reasoning with himself that he wanted to see Kaveh happy.
The world was so dull and dark. There was no sunshine, despite the always-perfect weather outside. Everything was different shades of gray in Alhaitham's eyes.
He was so happy. So genuinely happy. He had the one thing he believed he was incapable of having for so long. He had something so many people longed for since they were young. He was the luckiest man in the world when he had Kaveh.
In no future would Alhaitham ever forgive himself for chasing away his soulmate because he didn’t know when to stop. He didn’t know when to shut his mouth, and see life in Kaveh’s perspective as he should have been doing when an issue bubbled between them.
Alhaitham was a genius, that was a known fact. But he was only a genius in what books could teach anybody who picked one up. He was far from genius in the realm of emotions, bonds, connection, and love. He thought he had learned all he needed to with the help of his passion and dedication for Kaveh.
It wasn’t enough.
He would always be a shell of a human. A repulsive asshole no one wanted to get close to.
Alhaitham hated how large the crowd was for this wedding.
Kaveh had truly found his footing. His debt was clear, his life was ever-changing, and did not stop for one second. Word about all the new, breathtaking structures Kaveh produced spread throughout the city like wildfire. Alhaitham accepted that if Kaveh had stayed, he certainly would be living a much different life. He would have been holding him back somehow if he had stayed.
Was that true? He’d never know.
The shade of the tree he stood under hid him well enough that no one noticed his presence. He could see Kaveh. Just as perfect as the day he lost him. Shining brightly, emanating a radiance only Alhaitham could truly define. Not even whoever it was that Kaveh was being wedded to. That person would never know the true ins and outs of what was once his. That person would never know who he was in his Akademiya days, nor the person he was when he used to drown his problems in alcohol. He would never know the loops Kaveh would go through to pretend he wasn’t roommating with his sworn enemy, nor the way his eyes lit up when showing up unannounced during a TCG session. He would never know the real meaning of love, and what it mean tto love Kaveh for his full self. Not just the Kaveh they met after Alhaitham let him slip away.
Alhaitham would never know the Kaveh he is now, though. No, it was much too late for that.
His heart ached so painfully that it felt as if he would drop dead right then and there. His heart hurt too much for the size of his body, so much so that the broken heart syndrome he never believed was an actual cause of death was what he thought would be what drew out his final breath.
All he could hope for now was to meet Kaveh one day in the afterlife, their souls intertwining once more for the remainder of eternity.
But, for now, Alhaitham was to keep his feet on the ground and to live every day with a piece of him permanently missing. Kaveh was only a step away, yet they were worlds apart.
Alhaitham gathered his courage and left the venue without turning around, not even for the familiar feeling of a pair of devastated eyes watching as he walked away.