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It’s late, really late, probably at this point approaching very early. The room is dark, except for the little nightlight that Phil’s never gotten rid of. His arms are full of Dan.
His heartbeat hasn’t slowed down all day, not since picking Dan up at the station. There was nervousness, sure, a billion flitting questions- will he like me in person, will it be awkward, will he show up and be someone totally different not my Dan at all, will he not show up and I’ll realize it’s all been a dream- but after seeing him, that first moment of eye contact, there has been absolutely nothing but electric joy.
Phil isn’t used to this. He’s worried his heart will give out. He’s a bit worried he’ll look away for a second and Dan will disappear.
So he doesn’t look away.
Phil had sneakily turned up the aircon so that his room was nice and cool; nothing was going to ruin his first night able to cuddle with Dan. There had been a very brief moment where Phil had tried to offer the guest room, and Dan had flushed crimson as a tomato and stammered something unintelligible.
(So, um, is my bed okay then? Phil had pivoted quickly.
Did all my fantasizing messages mean nothing to you, Phil Lester?
Well, I don’t know, that was online. I wanted to give you a way out. You know, in case you changed your mind.
Why would I want to sleep anywhere not with you?
So, that had been that.)
He looks over at the boy in his bed, long limbs sprawled over Phil’s own. His face is nestled in Phil’s neck, his breathing soft and even and ticklish against Phil’s skin. Phil thinks, I have never wanted anything as much as this, nothing in the whole world.
Because he can, Phil leans down to lightly kiss the top of Dan’s head. (And what a revelation Dan’s hair has been- how many times had Phil stared at it over Skype, wondering how soft it was, yearning to reach through the screen and run his fingers through it, and now he can, he can, Dan’s right here-)
“Mm,” Dan grumbles, shifting slightly in Phil’s arms. Phil blinks.
“Sorry,” he whispers. “Sorry, go back to sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Dan raises his head slightly, sleep-clouded eyes squinting at Phil. “How come you’re awake,” he asks, voice groggy and rough. It’s cute.
Phil laughs softly. “Dunno. Too excited, I guess.”
“Too excited?”
“Yeah. Just like laying here with you.”
It’s maybe too cheesy, but it’s nearing four in the morning and Phil’s brain is mush and he’s pretty sure he’s earned the right to be cheesy. On cue, Dan’s ears go bright pink. He ducks back down, burrowing his face into Phil’s neck. God, he’s so cute.
“Sorry,” Phil giggles, and again- because he can- he ruffles a hand through Dan’s hair. “Sorry. Ignore me, go back to sleep.”
“You’re so,” Dan mumbles into Phil’s skin. “You’re so...”
“So…?”
Dan huffs. “You’re so…I don’t know. Phil. Who else would kiss my head in the middle of the night when I’m not even awake because they were too excited to sleep? Who else would like me that much?”
“Who wouldn’t?” Phil thinks this is a very fair question.
“Literally no one on the planet, Phil. Just you.”
“Oh.” Phil contemplates, wrapping his arms tighter around Dan. “Well, mister, who would take a super expensive train all the way from Reading to Manchester just to see me?”
“Who wouldn’t?” Dan throws back at him.
“It’s just you so far,” Phil says happily. “And something tells me you’ll be the only one.”
“What do I know. You could be picking another guy up at the station tomorrow. A girl, even.”
Phil feels giddy. He can’t stop laughing. “A girl? You must still be dreaming. It’s Phil you’re talking to, Phil Lester.”
“Mm. Guess I believe you.”
“You better. Because I’m never going to pick anyone up at that station ever again. Only you.”
Dan’s brown eyes peak up at him again.
“Only me?” he asks, just a bit shy.
Phil swoops down and kisses the tip of his nose. “Only you.”
Dan gives him a dopey half-smile, and rolls over onto the bed beside Phil. Phil grumbles just a bit, feeling bereft without Dan in his arms.
Phil is used to being…well, the clingy one in the relationship. The overexcited one. He’s learned to rein it in, a bit, to…take it at the other person’s pace. He’s pretty good at that.
It’s nice not to have to do that with Dan.
After the first fifteen minutes, full of butterflies and nervous stammering, Dan’s shyness had all but fallen away. Once they were in the safety of Phil’s house, Dan had scarcely kept his hands off Phil. It was an exercise in bravery. Incredible bravery, on Dan’s side. It was him, asking the question, Am I allowed, am I allowed, am I allowed, and Phil, saying back, Yes, yes, yes. Anything. Everything.
“What?” Dan asks, stretching his arms above him. Phil’s still giving him a pouty face.
“I’m not holding you anymore,” Phil says, letting the words lean whiny.
Dan snorts. His cheeks go pink, complementing his incredibly pleased smile. “Sap,” he accuses, and traces a finger under the curve of Phil’s fringe, very gently.
“I was going to ask you,” Dan says, glancing up towards the ceiling. “If you could kiss me. I know we already did earlier, but I just wanted to again, and I didn’t know if I should-”
“Just couldn’t wait till morning?” Phil teases, grinning stupidly, because he can’t help himself.
Dan’s blush deepens. “Well I could, but we’re both awake and you’re just lying there all Phil and stuff and- and- I just wanted to-”
Phil stops listening to him. He sits up, props himself up on his elbows, leans over Dan, and swoops down to press their lips together.
Dan makes a soft, surprised noise at the contact that Phil feels deep in his heart. Dan’s hands immediately come up to grab at Phil’s hair, tangling it between his fingertips and scratching gently at Phil’s scalp. Phil feels a bit drunk on it all.
He draws back, smiling, but Dan makes a wounded little noise and tugs on strands of his hair. Phil laughs deep in his throat. And why would he ever deny Dan anything in the world? So he leans back down, kissing him again. This time Dan’s tongue sneakily finds its way to his own, which makes Phil laugh into Dan’s mouth. Dan pulls a bit on his hair in retaliation.
Dan is so…he’s so funny, and cute, and Phil wants to kiss him forever. It’s nothing short of a miracle, that the same boy from Skype is here, and real, and in his bed, with his mouth pressed to Phil’s. Dan is a miracle.
Phil draws back again. They’re both gasping for breath. Dan looks awestruck, like his head’s full of stars, like he’s made of nothing but bliss and butterflies. Phil feels a rush of affection for him. He leans back down to kiss the bridge of Dan’s nose, and then his right cheekbone, his left, his forehead, his chin, his forehead again, and then Dan is giggling madly and extricating his hands from Phil’s hair to slap wildly at his chest.
Phil settles back down on the bed beside him, chuckling. Can someone die from being too happy, he thinks, and for a brief second is convinced he’s dreaming.
“You’re silly,” Dan says, and it’s probably meant to be insulting but sounds unbearably fond. He rolls onto his side to look at Phil. “Can I tell you something?”
Phil nods vigorously.
Dan bites at his lip for a moment, and then sighs. “I don’t want to leave,” he murmurs. “I want to stay forever.”
Phil feels like he’s been gifted something precious. The words sink over him and curl up somewhere beneath his ribcage.
“You’re not leaving yet,” he says, trying to be reassuring. “We have loads of time. And then when you do have to leave it just means you’ll come back again soon.”
Dan is blinking quite a lot. “I thought saying forever would weird you out,” he admits quietly. “I thought it would be a stupid thing to say and then said it anyway.”
“It is very late,” Phil suggests.
Dan gives him a look.
Phil just shakes his head a bit and smiles. “Forever’s fine,” he says, and reaches over to yet again run a hand through Dan’s fringe. “I don’t mind forever. I’d like to keep you trapped here forever, probably, so you could cuddle with me every single night.”
It’s lighthearted, so it isn’t scary. Dan huffs a bit, but his dimple pops, and Phil rests his finger in the divot.
“Doesn’t sound so bad,” Dan mumbles, and flops back over onto Phil’s arm. “Well, you whined before. Get back to holding me.”
Phil laughs. He reaches two arms around Dan, kissing his hair again, because he can. Dan settles back on Phil’s chest.
“We’re going to be so tired in the morning,” Phil says with a yawn. “Good thing we don’t have any plans.”
“Mm,” Dan says, but it sounds barely coherent. Phil thinks it probably takes barely thirty seconds for Dan to fall back into a doze.
“Forever’s fine with me,” Phil says, once he’s sure Dan’s asleep, and he’s halfway to dozing himself. It’s barely a whisper. Just mouthing, really. A part of him thinks, one day? Really? Is that all it takes to know? And it was so silly, and ridiculous, and naive. But another part of him thinks, yes. In this case, with this boy, one day is all you need.
I’m more sure about you than I’ve ever been sure of anything, Phil thinks, and then falls asleep with his arms around Dan.