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Hiding your injuries had been a fool’s move. You were more than aware of this. Yet it had seemed like the only real option at the time. Or, at least the better option. You knew damn well that a certain someone would have risked life and limb to carry you to safety even though you could run on your own. It hurt like all hell, but you could do it. He wouldn’t have even let you try if he knew about the searing, still bleeding gash along your side.
You weren’t entirely sure if it was as bad as it felt, as there hadn’t really been time to check it, but it felt pretty damn bad at this point. During the frantic retreat with wargs nipping at your heels you’d hardly even noticed it. The pain was still present, but it had been easy enough to ignore in the hurried rush to get to safety.
Now that you were safe for the time being though, the pain was almost all consuming. It felt less like a shallow sword wound and more like your entire right half was on fire.
You excused yourself softly, hoping no one noticed that you were favoring one side a little as you went. The last thing you wanted was to lose face in front of the group. These large, battle hardened dwarves who had (mostly) despaired at bringing along a dainty female on a dangerous quest. The days of them treating you like fragile glass were thankfully long gone, but you were still among the weakest of the group.
The thought of them finding out that you’d been injured when no one else had was horrifying. It was better to get some distance to assess and treat the wounds yourself. You could do that much at least.
You ducked into the trees, being careful not to jostle your injured side and not realizing that someone had called after you until you were already hidden away.
Kili followed not far behind, catching your arm when you still didn’t answer and you spun a little too quickly for your present state. It made everything else spin as well and they did not stop. You didn’t catch anything he said aside from the last syllables of your name.
His voice was distorted and distant even though he stood so close.
You didn’t realize you were blacking out until half a second before it happened.
Kili looked downright horrified.
***
If you had been awake for the moment Kili carried you back into camp, you might have laughed at how frantic the sight of your unconscious body made them.
To see those rugged dwarves you’d so feared losing face with reduced to a group of frantic ninnies deferring to Oin and Balin for direction. Even Thorin was panicked by the sight of you. He rushed forward urgently with no thought of what to do, only the need to be close and see that you were still alive for himself.
His hands hovered close, but untouching as Kili lowered you to the ground as Oin instructed. The entire company hovered just out of the way, remaining close enough to see you as though terrified they’d lose you if they looked away.
Thorin certainly was.
He watched in frantic, horrified fascination as Oin carefully peeled back your shirt to find a bloodstained mess that you’d hidden from them all.
There came a sudden surge of anger that he almost couldn’t control. Part of it was because you’d hidden the wound, but it was a very very small part indeed. Truly he was furious at the one who’d hurt you. If he’d known you’d been injured in the scuffle, the orc in question would have died very slowly. The need to avenge your pain was fierce, but the need to be close to you was much stronger.
Thankfully, the wound was not so terribly deep; but it would have been very painful. It had been ripped wider by all the running and would have shortly become infected if you had hid it for much longer.
He was torn on how to feel about that. Your determination to hide your pain was admirable and damn foolish. If you were conscious he wasn’t sure if he’d be shouting at you or cowing to your every whim. He did know for sure that he would not leave your side until you awoke—if even then.
***
For a moment it felt like any other time you’d awoke. Maybe a little on the hazy side, but otherwise normal. You moved to stretch, feeling very stiff from sleeping on the ground, but something stilled you.
Two hands held you down and this might have been terrifying if you didn’t immediately recognize the voice. You’d know Thorin’s voice from a mile away.
“Lie still,” he said softly and he sounded so close. You reached for him before your eyes cleared enough to see and he caught your hand in his own, holding it firmly but with a certain tenderness that made you feel very light… until the haze lifted and you saw the worry and anger itched into his expression.
At first it was more concern than anything, but the longer the two of you held eye contact, the angrier he became. Until finally he looked furious.
It was actually kind of horrifying. Though he was still touching you as though you might break under pressure. You could only hope he’d scold you in such a manner too. The idea of him shouting made you want to run right off the nearest cliff.
He stood suddenly, releasing your hand as he went, and from your place on the ground he looked enormous. Like a great angry bear about to tear into its prey. Though he neither descended on you nor shouted as you might have expected.
Instead he began pacing and that was never a good sign.
“How could you do something so reckless?” His voice came out more like a snarl and you flinched.
“I didn’t want to slow anyone down…” Your reply was meek and soft. So much so that you might have thought he hadn’t heard, if not for the way his shoulders fell as he stopped to look at you.
He looked so… tired. So battered and damn near broken that you wanted to take what you said back and encourage the yelling. Shouting seemed a better alternative by far to this find of response.
Yet he stilled your tongue as he came back to kneel beside you.
He cupped your face, looking at you as though there were nothing else. His world was encompassed entirely in your eyes.
“Do you know how precious you are to me? To all of us?” He asked and it threw you.
You opened your mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Really, you weren’t sure you actually did know. He often acted like you didn’t exist or you were simply a tag-along. Sometimes he was sweet to you though, in ways that differed from his kindness to the others.
Offering you his coat when he caught you shivering. Stopping the company without being asked when you felt like you couldn’t move another inch… He always seemed to know what you needed and when. Maybe part of why this incident bothered him so much was the fact that he didn’t see it. He didn’t realize you were in pain and hiding your wounds from him until Kili carried you back into camp.
He seemed to understand your silence and continued on as if that had been a true answer. He shifted closer and came to lay beside you, turned on his side so that he could continue to face you. He was very gentle in the way he came to rest against you, close and protecting as though he wanted to shield you from some unforeseen danger.
That alone made your heart frantic, but then he leaned in so that his lips brushed your cheekbone and your poor heart nearly exploded.
“You are the light that guides us through the night.” He murmured against your cheek. “The only true joy I have in my life and I will do anything to protect you.” There was a hardened determination to his gaze when he pulled back to look at you proper. “Do not ever hide your pain from me, from any of us. Let us keep you safe.”
You reached up to hold his face between your hands. There was so much you wanted to say to him and yet no words seemed strong enough to convey the love you had inside your heart. Not for him. Not for any of them.
Every single one of them cared about you and would fight to keep you safe. Not because they thought you incapable, but because it was in their nature. Dwarves are protective of their own, and though you were no dwarrow, they embraced you as their kin. You were family to them and perhaps more to Thorin.