Work Text:
Tonight was a shift. A crowded one, too.
Usually a shift contained of five people at best, it was just enough, effective, and balanced. But tonight it contained of 10 people.
Though it doesn't throw the balance or make it any less effective, the amount of people working in the shift could be overwhelming. Not to everyone, but at least to some.
Noob was on shift tonight. They were there to ensure a safe run goes by as Bluey and Milo had both chosen this shift to train their fellow juniors, accompanied Jim and Doombringer to complete a shift.
It was all necessary, Noob understood that. Yet it made them feel.. overwhelmed. Extremely so.
It felt like there was an illusion playing on them that everything was going on at once despite nothing really taking action currently. It made them feel uncomfortable. It made them feel weird. It made them think weirdly.
It wasn't safe for their thoughts to circulate this way, but it never happened before. It never happened much. It only took place when everything felt too quiet and too loud at once, when everything was going on around them but not including them.
They could tell they needed a break. They could tell they needed to do something about it. That's how they found themself preparing to ask for a break. They needed it, yet it felt like they didn't.
It felt like they should go back to working. Alone and with others. In silence and in absolute noise pollution. In the enviroment that formed thoughts they were desperately trying to claw away from.
They considered turning back. They considered not asking at all and going back to work like usual. They thought that maybe if they try to drown all their focus on work. Maybe their thoughts will evaporate. Maybe the emptiness in their chest will lift. Maybe they'll no longer have to feel these terrible emotions.
Ultimately they found Doom checking on them first, placing a gentle hand on their shoulder. They looked up, acknowledging his existence as he acknowledged theirs. Did they stand there too long? Did they let too much show from their expressions? Could he read their mind? Their worries ate too much at their brain that they could only snap out of it when they heard a familiar sound voicing out their own worries.
"Noob, are you doing alright?"
It sounded muffled but clear to Noob at the same time, maybe that was the effect of not being too focused currently. They tilted their head, expressing what they could of their confusion. They wanted to ask again, but they felt hesitant to do so. They were lucky that Doom decided to repeat himself either ways.
"I asked if you're doing alright."
His voice softened. Noob couldn't tell if it was rougher before or not, their mind is too hazy to think straight. Doom seemed to have taken notice, though he decided not to pressure on. He figured they just needed to organise their thoughts and have a moment. He couldn't tell that they couldn't focus no matter, they wished they could tell him that, they wished they could allow themself to let it out. Despite his offer, despite the opportunity being right between their hands, they couldn't allow themself. It was like something at their mind was tugging at them, convincing them to stay away from it, convincing them that they're selfish for wanting to. They eventually managed to form a reply to give out.
"I'm fine, I just.. needed a break and was wondering if you'd be okay handling everything else by yourself..?"
Noob had to force it out of their throat, it was stuck, it felt suffocating, but this was only one of many things they had to let out. It still felt like their throat was closed off. Their voice came out smaller than usual. They wanted to disappear as a whole, if they just didn't exist, they wouldn't have to feel all of that.
Doombringer didn't seem too phased by the question, he nodded and patted Noob's shoulder, reassuring them that he had it all under control.
"You come back when you're ready, everything will be in good care in my hands."
Noob didn't feel very assured despite Doom doing his best to do so. They nodded either ways, knowing that they won't take up on the offer even if it sounded nice. They still had to help in anyway they could, whether they liked it or not.
Doom released the pressure off their shoulder, ending their interaction and allowing Noob to head off their own way. He could tell they needed it, especially with how off they acted throughout their talk. Noob immediately set off to the staff room. They wanted to be out of sight immediately. They wanted to end their drowning chains of terrible thoughts.
The walk to the staff room was eventful and not. They couldn't tell, but it felt like both. They couldn't focus. All recent memories being created are coming out foggy, messy, everything they were feeling at the moment.
Once they arrived at the staff room, they wasted no time hiding. They needed to be alone, that's what they thought so. But they also thought that they needed to be with someone. The feeling was all so overwhelming. But what was the source? They couldn't tell.
They tried holding their thoughts off, they tried to get lost in their own world, they tried imagining what could get them out of this weird feeling, but nothing was forming at all. It only made them feel worse. It only made the pit in their stomach deepen. It only made them feel colder. It only allowed their thoughts to spiral further.
Everything was affecting them, yet nothing exactly was either. They want to feel something other than what they're feeling, they wanted to think something other than what they're thinking.
It was apparent to them that being completely alone only made it worse for them.
It was apparent that they were gonna be stuck with these thoughts no matter what they did.
Maybe it was a mistake to ask for a break. Maybe they should have drowned themself in work to feel something other than the endless pit that was eating them alive.
They hated themself for these thoughts. They wished to have been happier as VampGuest wanted for them, as VampNoob had tried for them. It was all in vain, they should have just disappeared the moment they saw the chance to.
Maybe Guest was right about them. They are broken. They did need fixing. Their broken horns was proof of that.
Their broken horns.
A reminder if what they had become to be. Of their failures. Of how they had to try harder. They failed it all.
And them spiraling alone in the staff room was proof of that.