Chapter Text
If I see them smirk at each other again, I am going to bash my head in.
God, they’re disgusting together. Bear and Nikki have only been official for about a week, but every second I am forced to be in their mutual presence, I am overwhelmed by the nauseating, lovey-dovey aura they both exude. Nikki’s is especially heinous.
The only moments I don’t feel like ripping my hair out are when Ian’s close by. Normally, I wouldn’t consider his company particularly comforting, but at least he sees it too. This whole relationship. It’s come completely out of left field.
Bear will be shelving a new shipment of sheet music– a task that doesn’t at all require two people- and there’s Nikki. Holding loosely onto his arm like a perched bird, practically sucking up all his air until he scoots away. Surely enough, though, she’ll scoot with him. Watching it go on for the entirety of his shift makes my chest ache. I feel bad for him.
She’ll barely acknowledge anyone else in the store, customer or otherwise. It’s like she can only function if Bear is right next to her. The day is agonizingly slow as I go home, once again, not having spoken a word to either of them.
The next day comes. Bear comes in. Nikki is nowhere to be seen. At first, I am so relieved, but Bear is beyond off. It takes him a minute to give me anything other than one-word responses. He’s disheveled. Looks like he hasn’t slept. I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes.
She’s not scheduled with him for ONE day, and he’s shaking like he’s experiencing withdrawal. Get a grip.
I want to talk to him. He’s next to me, but his eyes are completely glazed over, like I’m miles away. It wasn’t always like this. I need to talk to him.
“Are you going to Ian’s tonight?”
He doesn’t even look up at me. “First I’ve heard.”
Great. Three words instead of one. Why do I bother?
“Well…”
“Well, what?”
I can’t bring myself to say it, but I know he knows. It takes him a second to respond, but when he does, he finally has the nerve to make eye-contact.
“I heard what you told Ian.”
“About what?”
“About Nikki. About her friend-zoning me?”
That idiot.
I feel sick. I didn’t want to talk about her, and I especially didn’t want to talk about this now. There’s a good few feet between us, but I suddenly feel cornered.
“Look, I just didn’t want to see you get hurt, Bear.”
It was no use. In almost no time, he’s shouting at me, rushing to her defense like she’s some poor, helpless girl. My dad picks no better time to step in and pull me aside with a letter in his hand. It’s a welcome distraction, but in mere seconds, I’m crushed by further disappointment. Another rejection letter. Right on time.
I thought I would be numb to rejection by now. Instead, I can’t help but cry. When Bear sees me again, his gaze softens. I wish I didn’t find it so comforting. He’s on the floor now, a goofy lunch box in hand. I plop down beside him.
“Guess I deserve it, huh?” I say when I find my voice again.
“Was that the last one?”
I shake my head before resting it on his shoulder and letting out a sigh. I feel him stiffen for a moment, then he relaxes. I miss him. I miss my friend. I don’t want to get in a fight again.
I eye the lunch in his lap.
“Whatchya got in there?”
When he opens it, I lean in a little closer to see if he’ll move away from me. He doesn’t.
There’s an apple, a sandwich, and a couple of polaroids. Bear studies them for a second before moving onto the Tupperware with the sandwich inside. It has a note on it that reads “my little food critic <3”. I thought that alone would be the only thing making me suppress a gag, but the smell emanating from the open container was far worse.
Oh god, she can’t even make a sandwich. Maybe my issue with Nikki is her sense of taste.
I try to keep the conversation light, desperate to avoid another disagreement, but before long, Bear is puking his guts out into the nearest trash can. I watch in horror before my dad (again, a hero) jumps in.
“Jesus Christ, Baron!”
Bear coughs and spits, muttering a “sorry”, then his back arches like a cat’s about to hack up again.
“Not in front of the customers!”
Dad helps him up with one hand, trash can in the other, and shepherds him towards to restroom. Still too stunned to move, I watch and listen as the sound of retching and occasional apologies grows distant. Finally, Ian walks into the room and snaps me out of it.
“We need to talk.”
The conversation goes on with me only half-participating. Ian discusses his plan to try and “test” Bear’s and Nikki’s relationship tonight using his party. It turns my stomach to knots. I don’t know whose reaction would be worse, Bear’s or Nikki’s. Frankly, I don’t want to find out. I’m already tired of all the drama.
“I mean, what was that? Bear throwing up like that? What if she poisoned him?”
That catches my attention.
“You don’t think she really would…”
Over time, I’ve gotten pretty used to Ian’s wild imagination, and am equally equipped to brush it off, but this thought sticks with me. It’s crazy, but so is the entire situation.
I mean, this is the one shift they’re not working together.
“Maybe she wanted a reason to have him go home early.” I respond, immediately regretting it. I hate giving in to his delusions.
“Oooor…maybe she’s trying to get rid of him! You know, women that feel stuck in relationships will do that sort of thing.”
I groan. “Don’t tell me what women do.”
“I’m just saying.”
“You’re an idiot.” I don’t regret saying that.
“Hello?” a random voice from somewhere in the store chimes in. “Can I get uhhh…a helper or something?”
Ian and I lock eyes before simultaneously hissing out “NOSE GOES”. As always, Ian is too slow on the draw. He lets out a sigh before admitting defeat and following the customer’s call. I wait a beat before walking out to the floor myself.
Returning to the spot Bear and I were, I can’t help but stare at the lunch box he abandoned. The sandwich, in all its vileness, remains half-eaten on the ground. Poison.
It doesn’t hold my attention for long, though, as I notice Bear had also left his phone behind. In all her clinginess, Nikki has yet to blow up his phone. The screen, face up, remains dark.
Maybe he had the sense to leave it on ‘Do Not Disturb’?
I know better. Or rather, I should know better. Ignoring my conscience, however, I cautiously approach his phone and give it a tap. No notifications.
I give a glance over my shoulder before snatching it. A five-digit passcode bars my entry. Surely, it can’t be that simple. 6-4-5-5-4. Nikki. It unlocks.
Ew.
I try not to waste time. I scroll through his messages. To my surprise, there isn’t much there. From the looks of it, they’ve hardly messaged each other since they’ve started dating. Even I have more messages between myself and Nikki from then and now. Granted, she hasn’t responded to any of them, but still.
My thumbs hover over their messages. I hesitate, then the urge takes over.
[ hey nikki ]
She responds shockingly fast. The messages stack on top of each other.
[ Hi, Bear! <3 <3 <3 ]
[ Is your shift going well? ]
[ Did you like your lunch? ]
[ I miss you! ]
[ I can’t wait to see you again ;) ]
Girl, yiiiiiikes.
[ actually, i’m not feeling too good…
i think i might leave early ]
[ Aww, I’m sorry to hear that, baby :( ]
[ Come home! ]
[ I’ll take good care of you. ]
I can feel my heart rate quickening. My head is screaming this is a bad idea.
[ do you want to go out tonight? ]
[ Yes! ]
[ I would love that! ]
[ Aww, are you sure? ]
[ Yeah. That’s a great idea. ]
[ Are you feeling good enough? ]
[ It would be so much fun! ]
The next swallow I take feels hard.
[ i’m sure. i’ll feel better once i’m with you ]
[ Where do you want to go? ]
What’s the most public place I can think of?
[ do you remember that bowling alley
we all used to go to? Strike Away? ]
[ Bowling sounds so fun! ]
[ can you meet me there in like an hour? ]
[ Of course, Bear <3 ]
From afar, I can hear the bathroom door finally open. The universe did me a kindness, giving me just enough time, but I still scramble to delete all the messages before practically throwing Bear’s phone back to the ground and jumping to my feet as he re-enters the room. He stumbles back over to where his stuff lays. To my surprise, he just shoves all the contents back into his lunch box and picks up his phone like nothing happened, but the ghoulish expression on his face says otherwise. I clear my throat.
“You alright?”
He says nothing. I prod again.
“Are you…planning on heading home?”
“No.”
Thank god.
Bear leaves my line of sight, my dad strolling in instead to examine the scene.
“Please tell me he didn’t get any on the carpet” he whines to himself.
“I dunno, but Dad-”
I pivot to stand in front of him, now whispering.
“I need a favor.”
Fuck.
I know it was my idea to confront Nikki like this, but sitting in my Chevrolet Venture, staring at Strike Away through a tinted window, I am sweating bullets.
What’s she gonna do once she realizes I’ve set her up? Is she just going to cut me off, or is she going to cut me UP?
In a matter of minutes (though it feels like hours), I find the nerve to get out of my car and head towards the entrance.
Inside, I am IMMEDIATELY greeted by the intro to Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract” at a surprisingly high volume. Of course, I picked today of all days to go to a bowling alley. The patrons of Strike Away are in the midst of some sort of throwback night, so the nineties hits are bumping, the only lights on are blacklights, and it is immensely crowded.
I try to spot Nikki in the dim lighting from where I’m standing.
“How many in your party?” a voice from the counter interrupts, admittedly startling me in my tense state.
“Oh, um. I’m just here to meet someone.”
“Alright, love. Come to me when you’re ready for your shoes.”
Soon enough, I spot her. She’s sitting motionless, her back to me, staring straight down lane 13 without bothering to even glance at her phone. She’s alone. It’s gotta be her.
When I approach, she turns to look at me, beaming. In no time, though, her smile drops. First, it’s a pout. Then, as if figuring out in real time how to express another emotion, she gives me a surprised look.
“Oh! Hi!” is all that comes out of her.
“Hey, Nikki.”
Her face morphs again, and she gives me something halfway between a laugh and a scoff. “That’s funny. That’s so funny! I... I didn’t know you would be here!”
“Yeah...what are the chances?”
“Yeah! It’s so crazy!” She giggles, then starts to shift impatiently in her seat, clearly looking over my shoulder. “I’m just waiting for Bear. Have you seen him?”
“No, sorry, I haven’t,” I respond, as I take a seat close, but not directly beside her. I wish I wasn’t so nervous. “Do you mind if I wait with you?”
No response. Nikki just gazes at me, as if she’s trying to see directly into my soul. One second, she’s expressionless, the next, she’s grinning again. She gives me a playful shove, and I have to suppress a shudder. I don’t think she’s ever interacted with me this way. It’s like she’s drunk.
“Of course you can!” she says cheerfully.
“Cool. Thanks.”
There’s a moment of silence between us as I fidget with my hands in my lap, trying to think of how to initiate this. I was so much angrier with her when I was with Bear at the store, but now, I’m just uncomfortable.
My own words to Bear in my head come back to me. Get. A. Grip.
“So. How have you been?” I mutter out.
“Good. I’ve been really good!” she replies, her smile unrelenting.
“Cool. And Bear? You two have been good?”
“Oh gosh, Bear is just the best. I don’t know how I’d live without him!”
“Right.”
Quiet again. The music in the background fills my head.
Baby, ain’t it something how we lasted this long? You and me, proving everyone wrong.
I pinch my arm and bite my lip. I have to get this over with.
“Okay, Nikki, I’m sorry, but I just have to ask. How did it...start? You two? Because frankly, it doesn’t make any sense to me.”
She blinks innocently at me and tilts her head like a dog.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean- you're the one who told me you saw Bear like a brother!” I huff. “What happened? How do you go from that to like, mega in love with him? Does he have something over you? Are you trying to make Ian jealous or something?”
Nikki’s smile drops unnaturally slow. It flips completely upside down into a cartoonish like frown. She just glares at me for a moment, then lets out a dark chuckle.
“Oh. I see what this is.”
I swear, I see her eye twitch.
“You want him, don’t you?” she continues.
My stomach drops, and my mouth involuntarily hangs open before I force it closed.
“Excuse me?”
Nikki crosses her arms, and gives me a look of pity.
“You poor thing. You’ve been longing for someone to fill that bottomless hole in your heart to make you feel like you’re worth something. I already had Ian in my bed every other night, so you were hoping the sweet, sensitive Bear would want to fuck you and fix you. But he doesn’t want you. He never did. And you just can’t stand to watch.”
What. The. Hell?
It takes me an extra second to get any part of me to move, as I’m just sitting in frozen horror. All the heat in my body rises to my face, and when I can finally feel my hands again, I can’t help but reach across and smack her. In response to my own lack of self-control, I gasp. I want to apologize, but am caught off guard by Nikki just taking it, and turning back to me, disturbingly calm.
“Just like a child, not getting what she cries for. It’s too bad, really. Maybe if you weren’t so pathetic, you would’ve thought to ask him out first. But why would he pick you when he could have me?”
“Go to hell, Nikki.”
“If that’ll make you feel better.”
Once again, I see her try to spot Bear behind me, and I completely lose it.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, he’s not coming! God, can you last a minute without him?”
Nikki’s head rapidly snaps to face me, her eyes wide and furious.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asks coldly.
“I’m the one who invited you here! I hoped to talk to my friend, and not the psycho that replaced her! I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Nikki, but at this point, I don’t care. I’m shocked that for someone so obsessed with Bear, you couldn’t even tell the difference between him and-”
Suddenly, Nikki gasps loudly, her breath shaky as if she’s about to start hyperventilating. She’s still looking at me with her over-the-top big eyes, but her level of shock changes. “Sarah?” she practically whispers, sounding horrified. I’ve had enough.
“I can’t deal with this,” I say, getting up. But as I turn the walk away, I feel Nikki grab onto my wrist and pulling me towards her, so swiftly that I jump.
“Sarah, wait!” she yelps out. I push her off.
“Don’t touch me!”
There’s nothing left for me to say. I just want to be as far away from her as possible. I speed-walk to my car, not bothering to turn and look at her again. Luckily, she doesn’t follow me. As soon as my hand touches the drivers’ side door, I can already feel the tears welling up. When I actually climb inside is when I just lose it and start bawling my eyes out.
I feel disgusted. With her. With myself. I’m unable to compose myself until I happen to turn to the entrance again and see her silhouette, just standing there. I let out a scream. I don’t know why the sight of her like that just scared the ever loving shit out of me, but I’m no longer crying. Instead, I shove my keys into the ignition and frantically pull out of my spot, desperate to get home. I don’t feel like going to Ian’s tonight. The safety of my bed is calling for me.
I can’t sleep, and I don’t want to be alone.
I’m sitting in my car again, bending and folding the ends of an envelope in my hands.
When I got home, I aimed to head straight to my room, but Dad was insistent on speaking with me. He seemed giddy at first, but his joy faded quickly when he saw me. I’m sure I looked a mess, like a rabbit that just narrowly escaped being ripped apart by a wolf. He pulled me into a tight hug and asked question after question I was in no mood to answer. I assured him we could talk about it in the morning.
“Well, I have something that might cheer you up.”
He handed me a sealed envelope, addressed from the one college I had yet to be rejected from: Luther. In that moment, all thoughts I had prior had faded away. I was thrilled. I was terrified.
“Open it.”
I hadn’t opened it. I told him I wasn’t ready, and now I sit, holding it loosely, reading my name on it over and over again in the glow of a nearby street lamp. The feeling of isolation is crushing me. I pull out my phone.
Initially, the first contact I go to is Nikki’s, as if by instinct. For a while, she had been my go-to person to vent to. While, admittedly, we hadn’t hung out that many times one on one, she was probably the closest thing I had to a best friend in this town. Maybe because she was the only other girl in the group. Maybe because I was too scared to make a move on Bear. Our dynamic changed, though, once she and Ian had started hooking up. I still went to her, just less. Now her and Bear’s relationship has completely demolished what we had. It honestly felt like a betrayal from her. Nikki was the first person I had confessed to, after all. She knew I liked him. So how could she do this to me?
I switch to Ian’s contact, but I hesitate to say anything to him either. I’m positive he’s still awake, though I’m unsure if his party is still going on. It’s awfully late for him, but not unbelievably so. I reminisce on a night at his place that lasted up until 4 in the morning.
So he’s either busy, or drunk and passed out.
I settle on Bear. Truthfully, he is the person I want to talk to the most right now. I just don’t know if I should. Nikki probably told him I took his phone and met with her at Strike Away, and after the fight we already had at the store, I’m sure he’s pissed with me. I’m surprised he hasn’t already reached out to tell me how I crossed a line. Maybe he can’t be bothered.
Still. I really have no one else. So I message him.
[ hey. are you up? ]
For a few minutes, I get nothing. Then, a “Message Read”. Next, a response.
[ Definitely not. ]
[ ha ha, asshole ]
I wince at my own message, immediately regretting it.
[ sorry. i didn’t mean that. just had a bad day ]
[ You’re not at Ian’s? ]
[ no, i didn’t feel up for it honestly...you didn’t go either? ]
[ I wasn’t invited, remember? ]
I raise an eyebrow. Ian had told me he planned to invite him after they got off work, just without Nikki. Did he chicken out of his plan? I choose not to question Bear on this.
[ so what? just can’t sleep? ]
[ No, not really ]
I tap my pointer finger anxiously on the side of my phone, first looking out into the distance, then at the envelope I had laid on my dashboard.
[ come meet me. i'm at the park ]
[ i have to tell you something ]
[ a couple somethings, actually ]
[ What?? It’s the middle of the night ]
I take a deep breath, needing courage for what I type next.
[ either you come to me, or im coming to you ]
The three dots on his end remain for a while, disappearing and reappearing a few times.
[ Fine. I’m omw ]
I can’t help but grin to myself, but then, I’m caught off guard when his name expands on my screen. Butterflies instantly materialize in my stomach.
He’s calling me??
I press “accept” at a speed I, to anyone else, would have mocked and deemed desperate, but in this moment, I don’t even care. I’m just excited to hear his voice
“Bear?” I sheepishly utter. I’m met with silence. I try again, with a bit more umph, but the only thing I hear is a faint echo of my own call.
“Nikki?” he blurts out. All too quickly, my floaty feeling is gone.
“That’s not funny, Bear.” I respond
“Not so loud. Please,” a voice says back. It’s so quiet and distant, my ears are straining to pick up any noise at all, but I realize-
Oh god, she’s there with him.
“Nikki?” He repeats, at a whisper this time. It dawns on me that he must not hear me.
“Yes, Bear. It’s me.”
I sit in agonizing silence, my curiosity getting the better of me.
“Bear. I need you to listen...
Please kill me.”
With those words, my blood turns to ice. Deep inside, I know I’m hearing something I shouldn’t, but I can’t bare to end the call. Even at this volume, I swear that she is crying.
“What’s so...” he pauses, as if rethinking his question in real time, “What would be so bad about being with me?”
“I’ve never been with you, Bear.”
My grip on my phone tightens, trying to hold on as I begin uncontrollably shaking.
“Please. You have to kill me,” she begs.
“Please. Pleeeease. Please.” Her tone becomes progressively urgent, until her voice fades all together, and I hear the sound of a door shutting.
Footsteps. Keys jangling.
Another door.
I hang up.
what the fuck. what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK!?
I don’t realize at first that I had been holding my breath until I start gasping for air. I look at my surroundings in a panic, a flood of emotions drowning me all at once. The strongest of all is guilt. For a second time this night, I am quick to start my car and get the hell away. I’m not even certain if I should go back home. Bear would know to look for me there when he sees I’ve bailed. I just slam on the gas pedal and drive one-handed, my other hand trembling as it sits over my mouth to muffle my ugly sobbing. As if to reach her telepathically, I begin profusely apologizing to Nikki in my head.
I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.
I drive for about an hour, reaching a neighboring town, and parking in the lot of a random public library. I’m shaking as I cry over and over into my hands. My heart hurts, and I feel so alone. The only thing I can do is cry, until inevitably, my exhaustion overpowers me, and I fall asleep to the sound of my phone buzzing in the passenger seat.
At work, I’m fighting for my life not to doze off at the register. The day is going slowly, and unsurprisingly, what little sleep I got in my car was far from restful. I dreamt I had come across a deep, deep hole in the Earth, and Nikki was trapped at the bottom. I couldn’t see her, but she was screaming like a tortured animal. When I woke up, and remembered where I was, I hurried to get home and redress myself for my shift. I walked into the store, and no one dared to speak to me but Ian. I had a few missed calls from Bear last night, and dozens more from my dad this morning. I can’t tell if he’s more worried or pissed, but he said “We’ll talk about this later.”
Looking forward to that conversation.
I fail to suppress another yawn as Ian sidles up to me and speaks in a low voice.
“Couldn’t have sent me a text?”
“What?”
“Did you tell him not to show up??”
“Ian, no. Not right now,” I say, cautiously eyeing a chipper Nikki and pale Bear on the other side of the store.
“What gives, Sarah? At the very least, you could’ve come if he wasn’t going to. I don’t get why you both had to blow me off. Are you seriously not over him?”
My teeth clench as I grab Ian’s arm and drag him to the backroom. He lets out a “Hey, hey, woah” as I storm over there with him. In my frustration, I shove him, and he throws his arms up defensively.
“What the hell?”
“Shh! Shut up!” I growl. “You wanna do this now, we’ll do it privately.”
Ian looks me up and down, then lets out a nervous laugh.
“Wait...what? What are we doing?” he says, dropping his hands slightly, a confused smirk on his face. Once I register what wavelength he’s on, I give him another shove.
“God, what is wrong with you? No, I’m talking about-” I motion my head towards the other room. He looks at me blankly until I mouth ‘Nikki’.
“Oh, so now we’re talking about...” he makes a point to dramatically mouth ‘Nikki’. “I thought only idiots talked about that.”
“Will you just listen?”
I fill him in on everything. The confrontation at the bowling alley. The butt dial I overstayed my welcome on. Nikki’s words: “I’ve never been with you, Bear.” With every detail, his expression changes. He goes from shock, to concern, to rage.
“I think you had it wrong. I don’t think she’s drugging him. I think...I think he might be drugging her.”
I stand uncomfortably with my arms crossed. He just looks on in disbelief, his eyes on the ground as he shakes his head.
“He did say...” he sputters, then switches from shaking to nodding his head slowly, as if coming to terms with it all. “At the start, he said she was taking something. I just didn’t think...I didn’t...” His voice trails off again as he rubs his face with his hand and lets out a sigh. “Fuck, man.”
“It has to be that. Nikki’s not been herself.”
“He said it was because of her dad. Having cancer or something.”
“Her dad? Who she hates? That makes no sense!”
“I know, I know. I said that too.”
“We need to call the police. This is way too big for us.”
“Are you kidding? If they ask her, she’s going to say she’s peachy! They’re not just going to storm into Bear’s place without any evidence. Did you record the call?”
“No.”
In my defense, I wasn’t expecting her to plead for death.
“We need proof that he’s abusing her. What if we search his place?”
“Because he’s going to let us right in. In fact, I bet he’ll show us where his drugs are!”
I close my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose and trying to conjure an idea less moronic than just showing up unannounced. Bear would never open his door to us if he really is holding Nikki hostage. But Ian made one valid point, that a high-as-a-kite Nikki is not going to admit to anything, especially if Bear is around.
“You need to get Bear alone.”
Ian’s eyebrows narrow, then he feigns a look of awe.
“What? How did you come up with that one?” he asks sarcastically.
“Look, your party plan WAS stupid! I thought you were just jealous!”
“I’m jealous?! Besides, he won’t agree to go anywhere without her. Remember? He didn’t come over last night!”
“Because you’re a dick, Ian! You need to come at him differently. Tell him you’re sorry, you were wrong. Yada yada, you just want your friend back.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Dead. If you can keep him out of the house, I can offer to take Nikki home, and see what’s up for myself. Maybe when we’re actually alone, she’ll talk.”
Ian offers a few more groans and protests before inevitably agreeing to give it a shot. We discuss the details of our new joint plan to pick apart this relationship, once and for all. Although, coming up with it was the easy part. The execution?
Nikki sits oddly in the passenger seat of my car, as if she’s a mannequin I had found on the side of the road. She’s still, eerily quiet, and just staring straight ahead through the windshield. I can’t even tell if she’s blinking, let alone breathing.
Pulling her and Bear apart was a feat I hope to never have to perform again. It seemed she only caved and followed me when she realized she had no other choice, but it’s clear she isn’t pleased about it. Or maybe she’s scared. I can’t read her like this.
“Hey, Nikki?”
“Yeah?” her voice is soft, but her face is obscured. It’s hard to tell if her gentleness is at all sincere.
“I just want to say...I’m really sorry about last night.”
“What do you mean?”
What do you mean?!
“Oh.” she adds on. “Right. It’s okay.”
“No, it wasn’t. It’s not.”
“No, really.”
“Nikki, stop!”
I try to steal a glimpse of her while I’m driving. I expect her to at least face me now, but she doesn’t even seem fazed by the sudden rise in my volume. Still a statue.
“I shouldn’t have tricked you like that. The truth is, I am jealous.”
I wait for her response. Crickets.
“But I’m not jealous of you. I’m jealous of Bear. I mean, he took my friend from me!”
Her head jerks towards me, so quickly, I glance at her again. She’s crying now.
“Help me,” she mumbles, and I’m stunned.
“Help me!” she shouts. “HELP. ME!”
Nikki starts rocking back and forth in her seat, her breathing strained. She yanks at her seatbelt, pulling it towards and away from her. All the while, she screams “HELP ME” louder and louder, startling me so much, I don’t even realize I’ve stopped looking at the road.
“HELP ME!” she bangs her head into the dashboard.
“Nikki!”
“HELP ME!” she hits it again. “IT’S NOT ME! HELP ME!”
Over and over, her head slams the dashboard. I try to put my hand up against her to keep her from doing it again, but as I do, I lose control of the wheel and the car starts to drift. I panic, grabbing it again and violently swerving back into the lane, hearing several horns blare around me. My eyes keep darting between the road and Nikki. She stops abruptly, as if catching herself, and remains perfectly still between sitting forward and sitting upright. I’m unnerved, watching her. Then, she speaks again.
“Take me home.”
“I...I am.”
“No. Not that home.” Just her head turns to face me. “Our home.”
“Do you mean...Bear’s?”
“Take me there.”
“O-okay. Okay.”
We don’t share another word for the remainder of the drive, but my heart never stops beating out of my chest. I can hear it so audibly that I wonder if Nikki can hear it too. It’s the only thing keeping us from painful silence.
I pull up to Bear’s place, and Nikki wastes no time unbuckling her seatbelt and climbing out the car, muttering a barely audible “thanks” before stepping out. She rushes to the door, but I’m quick to go after her. She freezes just before the entrance.
“What do you want from me, Sarah?”
I ball up my fists, trying to find my strength again.
“I’m coming in with you.”
“You can’t have him.”
I don’t go for the bait this time. “Open the door, Nikki!”
Her fingers twitch at her sides, but she doesn’t answer.
“I know that he’s hurting you!”
Nikki’s whole body tenses. I reach out for her hand, and to my surprise, she doesn’t pull away. She grips it back tighter, and starts to let out a disturbing wail. She hics in between sobs, her shoulders jolting with each one. It tears my heart to pieces, and I immediately pull her in for a hug.
“I! Just! I can’t get away from him!” she whines.
“Hey...it’s okay. We’re going to fix this. I’m here for you.” I say, gently petting her back and shushing her cries. She pulls away and wipes at her eyes, nodding somberly. Once more, she takes my hand, and reaches for the door handle with the other. I suck in a deep breath, bracing myself for the worst.
When we step inside, I already feel nauseous. The living room has an odor like none I’ve ever encountered before. I scrunch my nose, bringing my free hand to my face to try and block out the smell as best as I can. I go to shut the door behind me, and as it creaks to a close, I look and see a sight that turns my stomach more than the stench. Every inch of the door is covered in layer upon layer of duct tape, appearing to have once stuck to the surrounding wall before presumably being pried off. I’m not even given the time to react, as the hand previously holding mine releases me and shoves me straight into the door I was staring at. I stumble back, but then it grabs me by my hair and slams me in again. And again. And again.
“You fucking bitch!” Nikki screeches. I fall to my knees, my head aching and my ears ringing. I try to stand, but she kicks me back down to the floor.
Then, in a snap, she jumps a few feet away from me, looking mortified. She covers her mouth, appearing out of place, as if she just entered the room. When I can bring myself to my feet a second time, I can’t help but feel the need to retaliate.
She just used my head like a battering ram!
I charge at her, my head still pounding as I catch her at the waist and throw her down hard. I hold her by her wrists, but she escapes me by thrashing violently, then rolling me off. I watch as she makes a break for the kitchen, and I give chase.
Oh god.
When I round the corner, her eyes have a manic look to them, and her hands wield a cast iron. She holds it over her head with startling ease, and she winds it back, ready to swing. I dart back into the living room, adrenaline taking over.
Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god.
Nikki aims straight for my head, but to my relief, misses. The weight of the cast iron makes her stagger forward, and I take advantage of her momentary state of unbalance by barreling into her from behind. She collapses, releasing the cast iron from her grip. I put my full weight down on her back, but she still tries to reach for her weapon of choice, it mere inches from her fingers. I hear her groan, either in frustration or pain.
“I don’t want to do this, Nikki!”
She plops her face into the carpet beneath her, starting to shake and cry again.
“You’re hurting me!”
Instantly, I get off of her. I expect her to stay down, but instead, she crawls rapidly like a spider and is up in no time with the skillet in hand again. I feel temporarily annoyed at the fact I fell for an obvious trick, but I’m given little time to ruminate on this as Nikki comes at me again.
I bolt out of the living room and head to the first, and possibly worst, destination I can think of: the bathroom. I narrowly make it in without her, shutting and locking the door behind me. She rattles the handle, then bangs at the door with an intensity that makes the ground shake. First, it’s a quick — BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG — with what must be her fist, then a heavy — THUD. THUD. THUD. — with what is undoubtedly the cast iron. I clutch my chest, trying to steady my breathing for long enough to think with a level head. I start throwing open the medicine cabinet, the cabinet beneath the sink, in a hurried attempt to find something to defend myself with.
The medicine cabinet is useless to me. There is a surprising amount of pill bottles in here, most of which have the name BARBARA BAILEY attached to them, Bear’s grandmother. I forgot this was once her home, and not a madhouse I might die in.
The other cabinet is mostly filled with half-used cleaning products, as well as a few hair styling products I assume belonged to Barbara. One of the items is a vintage, battery powered curling iron. I hoped for a dull pair of scissors at the very least, but this is the best I get.
“Sarah?”
The knocking had stopped. I didn’t even register that.
“Sarah, are you in there?” Nikki gently raps at the door. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry. Please. I need your help. Please. Can you let me in?”
She goes on, but I refuse to give in this time, even as she starts to whimper. I turn on the shower head, hoping to drown out the sound, but her knocking only grows louder. I search once more for anything remotely helpful. I look over the curling iron, certain it’s long dead. Still, I switch it on, a hail Mary of sorts, and to my surprise, I feel it start to warm in my hands.
Suddenly, an idea comes to me.
I grab a bottle of Irish Spring body wash off the rim of Bear’s bathtub. The liquid inside is strangely light, as if it had been diluted. I open it and begin emptying out the contents onto the tile floor beneath me, making it slick and shiny. Nikki’s back to cursing on the other side of the door, demanding entry. I step over to it cautiously, slowly turning the lock before throwing it open, letting her inside.
She doesn’t hesitate. With a shriek, Nikki drops the cast iron and rushes in to grab my neck. Unfortunately for her, she slips immediately and falls clumsily past me. On her hands and knees, she grumbles like a dog and crawls my way, unsteady. She dives overtop of me, attempting once again to choke me out, but I hold the curler tightly in defense. Nikki grips it with both hands, refusing to let go, even as I smell her skin burn. Finally, I see her snap in recognition of the pain. She yowls, shuffling backwards on the soapy floor, then looking at her palms in abject horror.
I slip my way out the room and snatch the cast iron. I turn and scream, spotting Nikki directly behind me. She’s unrelenting. I use everything left in me to whack her face with the center of the skillet. She falls like a brick, and lays there motionless on the tile.
I wait for a beat, then another, to see if it’s another trap.
Nikki’s chest rises and falls, but the rest of her remains still. She’s out cold.
I’m thrilled to have a moment to breathe, but it’s cut short by my phone buzzing in my pocket. With my body still on alert, the suddenness of it makes me yelp. I reach to see who could possibly be calling me at this time, and am more relieved than I would outwardly admit to see Ian’s name on the screen.
“Ian, oh thank god, it’s you.”
“That’s how you should always greet me. Where are you?”
“I’m at Bear’s.”
“What?! You’re still there? You have to leave. Now. Nikki’s gonna fucking kill you!”
My eyes dart back to her unconscious body.
“I think I’ll manage.”
“Sarah, you have to meet me. I think I figured it out!”
“What? Meet you where?”
“Anywhere but Bear’s. Listen, he told me what happened.”
“He told you?”
“Yeah! God, I didn’t buy it at first. He told me it was some dumb, like, wish willow. This random thing he bought at the crystal shop. I thought it was bullshit. He said it made Nikki crazy. But it’s real. The shit actually works!”
“Sarah...”
Every muscle in my body tightens at the sound of her voice. It’s hoarse now, like she’s forcing it out.
“Sarah, are you still there?” she mutters again.
“Sarah, are you still there?” Ian calls out.
I move my phone away from my ear, keeping it at my side. Ian tries again with a “Hello?” here and there, but I don’t answer him.
“I’m here, Nikki.”
I crouch down beside her. Her eyes are shut, and her cheek is pressed against the ground, making her speech come out a little garbled, but I give her my full attention.
“I’m scared.”
“Wait, is that Nikki? SARAH. GET OUT. NOW.” Ian says assertively.
“Please don’t leave me here.”
Admittedly, I am still shaken up from our brawl. All my survival instincts tell me I should get out. Mere minutes ago, this girl was chasing me with a hefty, blunt object, hoping to smash my skull in. Yet there’s a feeling in my gut that she is in just as much danger as I.
“Nikki...” I start. “What has Bear done to you?”
She begins to faintly weep. Her words come out slow and shaky.
“I don’t know. I don’t know, it’s like I’m trapped here. He won’t let me go. He won’t let me die. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Sarah...” Ian states again, gently this time. I bring the phone back to my ear.
“You can hear her, can’t you?” I ask.
“Stay there. I’m coming to you.”
I hang up the phone.
When I let Ian in, he has the same look of disgust on his face as I had when I initially entered. He takes in his surroundings, becoming increasingly distressed at the sight and smell of it all. I fill him in on what he’s missed, and he can barely muster a response.
“What the fuuuuuck, man?”
I shake my head at him, too tired to dwell on the shock at this point.
“Where’s Bear?”
“God damn...”
“Ian, focus. Bear?”
He blinks a few times before answering.
“Right, right. Uh. He’s at my place still. He seemed real scared to come back here, so I told him to stay put.”
Oh he’s scared?
“Good.”
I bring him over to where I left Nikki. In the time I waited for him to show up, I had tied her wrists and ankles together with shirts I had pulled from Bear’s closet. Ian gives me a displeased look, but I brush him off. I know I had every right.
“Oh, um, hey. I brought this.”
Out of his pocket, he pulls a small box. I stare at him, confused.
“I stopped to buy another one of these. It’s the wish I mentioned?”
Still confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Well, read it! It’s a wish willow.”
Sure enough, the box reads ‘One Wish Willow’ in red print. It almost resembles a match box, if match boxes were less rectangular and more...triangular.
“I used mine in front of him. He said he used his already, I guess to make Nikki love him. I didn’t expect it to work, but...”
Ian awkwardly hands to me the box, and I slowly grab it, still in disbelief.
“You only get one wish, so. I don’t know. Maybe you can use yours to help her.”
I study the box, turning it and spotting instructions on its back.
*. Spark the middle and break it in half .*
Carefully, I open it up. The box emits a jingle, and I just stare at Ian as he gives me a nod of encouragement. Reluctantly, I pull the willow branch from inside and hold it in front of me. I turn my gaze over to Nikki, her eyes still closed, but twitching. For a moment, I put myself in this bizarre reality Ian has presented me. Nikki, cursed to love Bear against her will because he snapped a toy twig in half. I want so badly to believe that’s what happened. It isn’t mental illness, or some hallucinatory drugs. He trapped her, through a gross and selfish wish. It’s almost too easy of an explanation, one that would absolve me of any guilt. I can’t accept that. I feel as though I need to sit in it.
Still, I let myself entertain the thought for a little longer. With my eyes refusing to turn away, I make my wish.
“I wish...whatever Bear wished for, whatever hold he has on Nikki, that it breaks.”
The willow branch comes apart with a sharp snap
Ian holds his breath, his gaze now also fixed on Nikki.
Then, Nikki’s eyes flutter open. She looks around, seemingly unsure of where she is. Her eyes find Ian’s, then mine, and she sits up suddenly, backing away into a corner. Her whole body lifts and drops in time with her quick breaths. She brings her burnt hands up to her face, and starts flailing them, panicking as she attempts to free herself from her binds. Her hyperventilating worsens until she finally just breaks. She cries, loud and hard, to the point she is curling in on herself, not rabid anymore.
I put myself in front of her, and gradually, she just sinks into my lap. She doesn’t try to pounce on me (not that she’s in any state to now). She just cries on and on, uncontrollably. Ian is too taken aback to even move. I put a gentle hand on her head, and she buries her face further.
Cautiously, I untie the shirt I had around her wrists. When freed, she wraps her arms around me. I gasp, half-certain Nikki’s about to fight me again, but she doesn’t. She just clings to me limply, like a wounded pup. I brush my fingers through her hair, trying my best to soothe her. Her breathing slows just enough to allow her to talk.
“It’s over. It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.” she whispers to herself. “It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.” I nod along.
“It’s over.”