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Lavi still dreamed about her sometimes, when his mind was floating in the nebulous space between conscious and unconscious that he occasionally found himself in thanks to the Noah of Wisdom; Wisely had meant for it to be a reprieve from the pain of his waking hours and the dark nightmares of his sleep, but Lavi wasn’t sure if he considered it to be more of a blessing or a curse; seeing her smiling face always felt like coming home, but every time reality came crashing back down upon him it was like a knife to the gut that was being slowly twisted, as if it were a punishment for finding a source of peace amidst the suffering.
It was mostly just memories of the two of them that came to the surface as he drifted—the mess he had managed to make out of their first date, the moments of quickly stolen kisses as they hid from Komui and Bookman in abandoned hallways of the Order, waking up next to one another when they had felt particularly brave and rebellious—it was the seemingly ordinary, everyday things that helped keep him going and gave him strength. She would never forgive him if he just gave up and died here.
The memory arose of Lena sitting across from him on the train, one of his hands in hers as she helped bandage it. She had lectured him about being reckless and not trusting her to have her own back during a fight, her hands a little rougher than was probably necessary as she bound his hand tightly; the sharpness in her voice hadn’t bothered him as much as the solemn silence that had followed it as she stared at his hand with a melancholia that made his heart ache. He had bowed his head in apology to her, his forehead against her knees with his fingers wrapping around the backs of her knees in silent supplication. After what felt like an eternity, Lena ran her fingers through his hair, tugging the ends lightly to get him to meet her eyes before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his forehead, her way of forgiving him. They had spent the remainder of the trip home curled around each other in a relative quietness, reassuring one another through the sounds of their heartbeats and the warmth of their presence that they were both still there together, enjoying the brief moments of peace while they had them.
However, that feeling of peace quickly faded as his eye fluttered open and he once again became aware of the aching pain that had become his reality. But rather than being met with the dark red tones that he had become accustomed to on the Ark, Lavi found himself staring up at a stark white ceiling. Panic set in instantaneously, his body screaming as he struggled to sit up. Everything was too pristine, too light, too quiet—he didn’t know where he was but it had to be some kind of trick, a plot meant to throw him off balance, to break him down even further, he—
“Lavi!!”
The sound of his name sent his world to a screeching halt, his heart beating in his throat. He froze there, his eye fixed on a point straight ahead of him, as if movement on his part would invite the launch of an assault; he was afraid to look to where the overly familiar voice had come from, afraid of what he might see, afraid to believe, to let himself hope. But in spite of himself, Lavi felt his head turning towards the door of the room, his entire body trembling in the process.
“…Lenalee…?” His voice was raw and raspy, barely audible despite the deafening silence of the room. Her smile was both pained and relieved as her teary eyes swept over his face, her hands clenched over her heart as if she were trying to commit his face to memory once more.
Lena was across the room and by his side in a heartbeat, and Lavi unconsciously flinched when she reached out to embrace him; she noticed and stopped mid-motion, her breath catching in her throat, and slowly backed up to a respectful distance, balling up her trembling hands in the fabric of her skirt as she sat on the bed that was next to his.
Her voice was quiet and shaky when she spoke again. “Lavi…you’re in the infirmary...you’re at the Order, you’re home, you’re okay…”
He shook his head slowly, the motion still making his vision swim slightly; he understood her words, but they didn’t make sense. This was a trick, it couldn’t be real, there was no way. Lavi tried to think, tried to remember the last time he had been awake, what had happened. He vaguely remembered waking up, sobbing, that blue-haired monstrosity giving him a toxic smile from where he lounged on the floor, scribbling away on a pad of paper like he was always doing. What had happened after that? Lavi wracked his brain, but everything beyond that point was broken and foggy, and all he had to show for his efforts was a headache and an overwhelming feeling of frustration. He never forgot things.
But Lenalee had still been talking, and in his desperate attempt to piece together what the hell was going on, he had missed all of it. The gentle touch on his arm sent him scooching away as if her touch had been electrified; between the pain of the movement and the pained look on her face, Lavi was instantly filled with regret. He took a few deep, calming breaths before he tried to speak again.
“Wha-what…how…?” He didn’t know what to ask first, his mind still reeling.
“We found you…” Lena said softly, trying to keep her voice from cracking, “You were—you’ve been out for a while, you had hit your head and—it was touch and go for a while but, but you’re okay and you’re here and you’re safe, Lavi.” Her voice did crack then, tears rolling down her cheeks before she could stop them. He slowly reached out and took one of her hands in his, both of them trembling as he interlaced their fingers.
He swallowed thickly, tears threatening to spill from his own eye as he met hers, “I’m home…”
She didn’t leave his side again, staying and telling him stories about what he had missed long after his voice had given out and began to sound something akin to a sad croak. Her warmth and vitality was contagious, spreading to him and lifting him out of the darkness that had become his life, breathing a sense of peace and calm into him that Lavi never thought he’d feel again while awake.
By the end of the day, as sky turned pink and orange with the sunset, Lena was carefully tucked beside him on the narrow bed, barely touching him but still reassuring him with her closeness. Her eyes were closed, her breathing steady, with both hands still folded lightly around the least-damaged one of his. Lavi couldn’t force his eye to leave her face, never truly thinking that he’d ever have the chance to see it again; if this was a dream, then it was a dream as beautiful as she was, and like he would with her, he’d hold onto it for as long as he could.
Exhaustion settled back over him like a heavy blanket as he slowly lost his battle to stay awake a little while longer, trying to savor the moment while it lasted. When his eye finally drifted shut, all of the warmth left him.
And just like that, the dream was broken.