Work Text:
One Week
It had all happened so fast. A sudden loss that had ripped through her chest and tore at her heart.
She felt crazy for feeling that way, because it hadn't been fast at all. In fact, it was slow, and peaceful, and exactly as it should have been. It was just that she had grown so comfortable that she'd forgotten this would happen.
She could have prepared for it, certainly should have, but what was 80 years to 10,000? It shouldn't have effected her at all, but she hadn't eaten in a week aside from what Shiori had forced down her throat.
Even getting out of bed felt like a pointless endeavour. What was she getting up for? She didn't have an answer to that anymore.
She had died with a smile, passing away with their hands held together and Nerissa tried not to cry, she had promised she wouldn't, but she had always been one to cry easily and when Her hand fell slack it was impossible to hold it any longer.
She hadn't stopped crying since.
"I'll come back," She'd said. "I'll find you again." And She had meant those words, Nerissa knew She had, but she wished she could be enough of a fool to believe them.
She kept looking through old photos. Some from when they'd first met, once tumultuous times turned into nothing but fond memories. A picture from their first date, their anniversary, their wedding.
All kept in a small box in her bedside table so she wouldn't have to reach far for them. There were letters too, and she'd cursed herself for smudging some of the words with tears, as if this were desecration of their love.
One Month
She was surviving again. She got out of bed each day now, and the crying had subsided, but her feet dragged along the floor with each step and she'd not yet uttered a word to anyone.
Shiori came by everyday, even if only for a minute, and Nerissa knew that she was coming to check she was still alive, above all else.
Yesterday, she had stayed a while longer. She'd cooked a meal, and Nerissa had eaten it. Her first proper meal that month. Shiori was a good cook, but the food tasted like nothing, chewing like sand and burning her throat with each swallow until it rested in her stomach, heavy and vile.
She had thrown it up, after Shiori had left. Not with any intent, but alone with her thoughts she'd found herself rifling through that box again.
The twins, too, had come by to visit. Their usual cheeriness was still there, but it was clear they had to put it on, and when they realised it was having no effect they went quiet, lying either side of her in bed and sleeping through the night.
Her sister's had come by on occasion too, and her brother, and her parents, and Bijou, and Cecilia once. In fact, there hadn't been a day that had gone by without at least one knock at her door.
She was grateful, because she knew she wouldn't find the strength to move without it. She wasn't alone, her loved ones reminded her every day, but she had never known a loneliness like this. Those years locked away, as stifling as they were, couldn't hold a candle to this.
One Year
She could laugh again now. Not like she used to, but a soft breath of air, a faint lift of weight off her chest.
She was at a cafe today, with the twins and Bijou and Shiori, and she was staring down at the parfait she'd ordered. She still struggled to eat, just a little bit, but this was her first time truly out and she wanted to try.
Minutes passed and she still hadn't touched it though, and she didn't talk as much as she once did on these outings, and so Shiori dipped her finger into the cream and held it up.
"Are you not gonna eat it?" Her tone was light, enough so that no one took notice, but Nerissa could hear the concern bleeding through her words and staring her down, so she picked up her spoon and dug it in.
"Of course I'm gonna eat it." Ignoring the finger, because there was no way she could oblige that, she bought a small amount to her lips, then Shiori retracted it and licked the cream off herself, finally looking away. Finally giving her some reprieve.
It was on their walk back from the cafe that Nerissa caught sight of something. Small and delicate as it flew through the air towards her. The others were walking slightly ahead, absorbed in their conversation. She held her hand out, and upon it landed a small red butterfly, seemingly looking up at her as its wings fluttered softly before it lifted off again.
Her eyes followed it until it was out of view, but it was only when Shiori called her name that she tore her gaze away from that spot.
One Decade
It was starting to feel like a memory now; everything about Her. She could hear Her voice, faintly, when she thought of it, but it sounded wrong now. She had to revisit videos of Her to remember it clearly.
Her face was fuzzy in her mind. Red hair, a charming smile, striking eyes, yet the in-between didn't fit together anymore. A puzzle with too many missing pieces.
She still felt a sadness around it all, a heavy weight in her chest, yet there were times now she could almost forget about it. When she was with her friends, or her family, where she could laugh and that weight would lift for a while.
Cecilia had become the leader of Justice now, if only temporarily, but they'd yet to fill that empty slot. Nerissa spent time with them too, on occasion, but it was hard to look at them without being reminded.
Whatever animosity they once shared had long since disappeared. It wasn't unusual to see Raora with the twins, or Gigi gathering them all together for a game night.
The only person Nerissa hadn't spoken to in all those years was Calli. Afterall, it was her that took Elizabeth away, in a sense, and Nerissa knew she couldn't blame her for that, but it didn't stop the anger simmering beneath the surface.
She was with Shiori that night, but it felt like a blur now. They'd been watching a movie, she couldn't remember what it was, and Shiori had turned to her and said something or other about Her. She really wished she could remember what was said, but she could remember crying. She remembered Shiori embracing her, then waking up together in the morning.
It had been the first time she'd felt warm since that day, and it was nice, but it felt wrong too. As if she were trying to fill a hole with water that kept slipping through, coarse against her heart.
They didn't speak of it, and it didn't happen again. An unspoken agreement that whatever they'd try to do hadn't worked.
Shiori missed Her too, in her own way, but she never spoke of it. Perhaps, Nerissa thought, she didn't feel she had the right. She thought she should have started that conversation, at some point, but selfishly she didn't want to share her grief. It was hers, and hers alone, and the thought anyone else could have missed Her as much as she did was blasphemous.
Nerissa was sentimental. She saved many things over their time together. Photos, videos, letters, voicemails. She took a walk through the park. It was getting colder now, and she'd forgotten her jacket, and the sun had already began to set, so in the thick of trees it was dark.
She wore her headphones, her phone clutched tightly in her hand as she played them over and over, from the beginning to the end. Every voicemail she'd received.
The very first was sweet, and so very Her. It made Nerissa chuckle, how unsubtle She used to be. They all started off short, never longer than twenty seconds.
It wasn't until they stopped toeing around the subject that it changed. It felt like such a slow process at the time, but listening now she could pinpoint exactly when it was.
"Hey, Nerissa. I noticed you couldn't sleep, or well, I know you've been having trouble lately. Just monitoring you, after all, uhm… maybe you're actually asleep now, since you didn't pick up… Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you can always call me. I mean, when you're off to sleep it's only evening for me anyway, so you can just call, b-but even if it was late for me too, you still could, I wouldn't mind, you know. It's a bit presumptuous of me, I suppose, but… ah, what am I saying… Goodnight, Princess."
When had she started crying again? She only noticed now that her cheeks were wet, and the biting wind made them freeze against her skin, and her legs were no longer moving as her fingers trembled around the phone.
It wasn't the sweetest voice mail She'd ever left, in fact, it was awkward and clumsy and there was so much shuffling in the background of it that at some points She was hard to hear.
She played the next anyway. There were quite a few before the next special one. At the time, it hadn't felt that way. At the time, hearing that voicemail made her heart ache and panic rise, because She had been angry at her. Actually angry, for the first time since they'd met, which was especially harrowing considering the circumstances of their meeting.
Her anger had never been loud, nor aggressive. It was the wet kind, where Her voice cracked and you could hear the tears being blinked away, though maybe it was only because that anger was directed at Nerissa.
It was a few days after that missed call that they'd kissed, and so the voicemails got shorter and shorter again, fewer and further between, because Nerissa would pick them up much more often even during the times it was a hassle.
Eventually, they became so rare that she could hear the way Her voice changed between them, how She aged. Small reminders, like to not forget the bread this time, because by this point they'd been living together, and anything important that needed to be said didn't require a call.
Her feet still hadn't moved from that spot, glued in place as she cried, listening to That Voice that felt so distantly familiar now. Only when the last one finished playing did she look up, and there, on the ground in front of her, stood a little red bird.
How long had it been there, watching silently just a few feet away?
"Liz..?" It chirped once, and then flew away. "I'm so stupid," she shook her head and wiped her face with the back of her hands, and she couldn't help but laugh softly at how ridiculous that thought had been.
???
It was spring. The trees were blooming in pretty pinks, branches swaying softly in the light breeze. Nerissa had no plans that day, and she hadn't taken a walk in too long, so she had found herself strolling beneath them.
It was busy out, plenty of couples and families, it was a beautiful place to spend the day. A child ran past her feet, and she had to take a step to the side to avoid a collision, the mother apologising as she jogged past next to grab hold.
There was someone she would've liked to walk down here with, too.
"Excuse me, ah, sorry, Miss?"
She stopped. As did her heart, and her breath, and her mind. She turned, slowly, in the hopes that her mind was playing tricks on her now, but before her stood a woman. A little shorter than her, with red hair and red eyes.
"Elizabeth…" It was just a whisper on her tongue, but That Woman had clearly heard her, because She seemed a little spooked.
"Uh… no - sorry, it's just, I'm a tad lost you see, and I was trying to find someone that could speak English so-"
"Sorry, you look like someone." Her mind felt like it was on a delay, and she could see the regret in Her eyes for asking her now. "Do you need directions?"
"Yes, if you'd be so kind, I just need to get to uh-" she held out her phone, a screenshot of a building that Nerissa couldn't recognise, but she could read it's name. Gently, she took That Woman's phone and placed it into the map, handing it back with a smile.
"That should be it, I think."
"Thank you! Gosh, I was starting to really panic." She had already began walking off, following the path that had been set, and Nerissa so desperately wanted to call out. To stop Her, to tell Her… something. Instead, she just watched her leave.
"I saw Her today." She had no one else to talk to about this, at least no one that would believe her. Certainly no on that could give answers. Shiori might have, in her archive somewhere, but she brushed that away without thinking why.
"Rissa…" Calli seemed disappointed. It had been so many years since they spoke, and that was hardly a greeting.
"I swear I did, Calli, it was Her."
"Look, I'm not saying anything by it but it's been a long time, it's not impossible that someone just looks like her."
"No, no, she didn't look like Her, okay? She was! I just don't understand how-"
"Because it isn't possible. I was there, I watched over her as she passed along, there's no coming back."
"…She promised me. Right before She died, She promised me that She'd find me again… find a way back. A-and it's not the first time! There was a butterfly, and a bird-"
"Nerissa, do you hear yourself?" There was a brief moment of silence. "Are you okay?"
It was asked with such sincerity, and such care, and Nerissa wanted to answer that of course she was, but now she wasn't so sure.
??? ???
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
She mustn't forget her name.
Elizabeth Rose Bloodflame.
Her enemy. Her knight. Her friend. Best friend. Girlfriend. Wife. That was Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
…
What was it again?
On the tip of her tongue.
These photos in a box, the ink has faded. What was on them? They must have been important.
Shiori? The archiver might know, she should ask.
"You don't remember? Oh… well, it was private, how would I know?"
Cecilia. The automaton might know, she should ask.
"Photos? What photos? How should I know?"
Maybe they weren't important.
Kronii. The warden of time might know, she should ask.
"Oh, really? If you kept them that safe, they were probably of Liz."
Liz. Elizabeth. Elizabeth Rose Bloodflame, that was right.
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
She mustn't forget.
But…
Calli. The reapers apprentice might know, she should ask.
"Some things are better left the way they are."
It didn't feel that way.
Kiara. The phoenix might know, she should ask.
"Sorry, Rissa, I don't remember everything that clearly when it's so long ago."
That was expected, but she was running out of ideas.
Amelia. The time traveller might know, she should ask.
…
??? ??? ???
Nerissa Ravencroft carried with her a weight she couldn't give name to. She was forgetting something important. Someone important dancing at the edge of her mind.
Who?
Someone she had loved, that much she was sure of. But if she had loved them, how could she forget?
This place felt familiar. An aquarium, with a large glass tank that extended from the floor well past the ceiling, in a circular room beneath a spiral staircase.
She'd been here before, but she couldn't remember how she got here today.
She felt drawn, pulled here on this day by forces beyond her understanding, just as she was drawn to walk towards the back of that room where a small record lay, and she hit play.
"Hey, Nerissa! Sorry I couldn't be there myself, but it was pretty hard to guess when you'd stop by, so I decided this would be better. You're probably pretty confused, but some thing's are kind of hard to explain, so I'll just say it's fate. By now, you've forgotten. It's been a really long time, and you might be a demon, but you won't remember everything forever. I could see this coming, so I planned ahead and made something for you. I'm sorry it took so long to get it to you, though, time travel isn't easy!"
Amelia's voice was soothing with it's cheery tone, but her vague phrasing had Nerissa feeling somewhat uneasy.
There was a click to the side, then another, then it continued rhythmically and a light shone out onto the wall beside the aquarium tank.
She saw herself from a long time ago, though she looked much the same. In the gear she'd worn in prison, that off-white sort of straight jacket. From one imprisonment to the next, it had felt like a joke.
Then a Woman came into view, in uniform, with bright red hair and eyes and she couldn't hear the conversation, but she saw herself smiling.
It cut then to the future, how long exactly she didn't know, but she was no longer in prison, and That Woman was beside her, holding her hand and smiling, leaning close and pulling away.
"I had to go back to get these, it was pretty hard to pinpoint the timing."
Amelia's voice still played in the background, intermittent.
"And I couldn't get sound for a lot of them, but I think it turned out pretty well."
They were on a beach now, and Elizabeth, yes, that was her name, kneeled behind her with Her hands running across her back.
Then a restaurant, the film taken through a foggy window.
Then a park, then this aquarium, then a landscape that spread far and wide, and Elizabeth was on one knee overlooking it all.
In every clip she seemed happier than the last.
Then they were both crying, arguing over something.
"If you only remembered good times, it wouldn't be very fair…"
Then it was their wedding, and this was the longest clip by far, because it was not recorded by Amelia. She could see every one of her friends, her family and Elizabeth's, and then herself and her Wife as they kissed.
The following clips passed by faster than her eyes could follow, blurry as they had become. Snippets of their life together, and her memories came back with each one.
How Her hand felt to hold, every kiss, every laugh, every shared night.
She hated how much time she'd wasted pretending it was nothing more.
The film came to a stop, whirring behind her as the light shone blank against the wall now.
"Sorry, that's all there is. You should keep the film! I never got you a wedding gift, so you can count this. I'm sure you'll meet again someday."
The recording clicked to a halt there too, and Nerissa made her way to the film, shakily rewinding it and removing it, pulling it to her chest tightly, with the ghost of a name on her lips.