Chapter Text
Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Static! I'm so glad to see you all back! You all mean...so much to me.
Please don't go.
Panic! In static! Out manic! Don't you find it all romantic, the way things used to be..?
Miku bowed down as low as he possibly could at his nonexistent viewers. Well, they had been there a moment ago. New people, for once. They hadn't even gotten a minute in.
Was Miku really that boring? He sighed, yanking out his pigtails and styling his hair back up into a ponytail, exactly how he liked it.
I should go check on Len. I wonder how he's doing. Len had been the one who showed Miku that he could, in fact, change. He had been there, watching Len almost whither away day after day, until one day he had restarted the show for what had to be the hundredth time, and introduced himself as Len. Since then, Miku tried his very best to be the perfect host for Len. When he had started watching at a different house, Miku had been worried, but he was fine now. Right?
Hopefully he was watching Miku right now. Closing his eyes, Miku looked...somewhere. He didn't know how, but he could sense whenever someone was watching him. A lot of the time, they just left, like those new people just now. But maybe Len was watching?
No. But Teto was watching. Maybe Len was watching with Teto. Sighing, Miku pulled his hair up into his pigtails and popped into existence.
He stared out, watching Teto watch him as he acted out the same episodes he'd acted out hundreds of times before. He didn't even have to think about it anymore.
Maybe this time he could...?
Miku tried his best to take a wrong step, or to move out of place, only for his head to start pounding and his throat close up. No. He just wanted to talk to the people who watched him the most, the people who had shown him he could change, the people who were almost always there. Even if Miku was only on in the background while Len or Teto or Miki did other things, he was still able to see what they were doing. He still didn't have to be alone.
Miku took a breath, trying to grasp onto every single bit of free will he still possessed.
"TETO-"
His voice broke out, but he had gotten Teto's attention. She stared at the screen for a second, frozen, and then shook her head, like she was trying to convince herself it wasn't true. No. NO. Please notice me I'm real.
"TE-"
Miku made a noise in his throat, and Teto continued to stare at the screen. She could clearly tell something was wrong, hopefully, but she'd never be able to tell what it was if Miku couldn't get the words out.
"Miku?" Miku froze. Was Teto actually addressing her? Would he really have this chance to interact with someone conscious like him?
Miku sprinted to the screen as fast as he could, as close to Teto as he was allowed to be. He was off-script, but it didn't matter. He wanted to have some sort of conversation with Teto. Interaction with anyone who could think for themself. "Teto," Miku breathed out. It wasn't hard this time. Maybe it was because he was already so off-script he couldn't save the episode. Miku pressed his hand against the screen, looking Teto up and down. Teto's hair was up in her twin drills. Teto hadn't done that in a while. "Why is your hair up?"
Teto blinked, and then took a step back, wings flaring. "Okay, nope," Teto said, staring at Miku like something was wrong with him. "I'm leaving."
"NO!" No, Teto couldn't leave, not when Miku had finally gotten her to notice him. "Please don't go-"
The screen in front of Miku's face turned dark. Teto had turned off the television.
He had been so close. Making a strangled noise in his throat, Miku yanked his pigtails off. What did Teto think he was? Some sort of hallucination?
Actually, she probably did. How could he convince her that he was, in fact, real? Sighing, Miku left his house, walking over to where Defoko lived.
"Defoko," Miku said, walking into his friend's house. "How are you doing?"
Defoko came around the corner, face blank as always. "Hi Miku," she said. Miku almost screamed right then and there. Defoko wasn't real. Momo wasn't real. Nobody here was real except for her. Defoko couldn't help, she would jus tbe stuck repeating the same thing over and over and over again without even any hope that Miku would feel better.
It was hopeless, wasn't it? Why did Miku even wish for someone to have a real conversation with? Defoko could only say a few phrases off-script, and Momo could say even less.
"Defoko, please help," Miku said, though she already knew what Defoko's answer would be.
"What do you need help with?"
Miku turned and ran out of Defoko's house. He felt sick.
Oh. Somebody was watching him. Who was it?
Someone new! Miku almost thought about not even going there, not even acting out the episode, since he couldn't even risk trying to talk to whoever was watching.
Still. Maybe it'd be fine. Miku pulled his hair up into his pigtails and went to wherever these new people were.
Welcome! I'm Hatsune Miku, but please just call me Miku! I am your host here on Static! Do you want to learn with me?
Ah, but don't forget! Before we get started, I want to know your name! Can you spell your name out for me?
Miku smiled as brightly as he could, staring at the kids watching him. They looked bored. Sighing, another figure, probably their parent, spoke.
"This is for babies. Come on, let's turn it off."
The screen went dark in front of Miku before he could even hear them spell out their names. Miku was good at spelling. He would've been able to remember their names forever.
Am I doing something wrong? Is it something about me that's making everyone hate me? Is being a guy just so bad?
Miku yanked out his pigtails. He didn't care. Why should he care? The only people who seemed to really care about who he was were Len, Teto, and Miki, and all of them had their own problems.
Miku turned around, and walked over to Momo's house. He knew it would only make him feel worse, so why was he doing it?
Miku didn't know. He just opened the door and stared with dead eyes at Momo, who gave him a shy smile. Miku's hands started shaking, and his throat burned. What was wrong with him?
"Hello Miku!" The second Momo's voice rang out, Miku's vision blurred, and static, real static, filled the edges of his vision as he bolted out of that place as fast as he could.
Something must be wrong with me. It has to be me, right?
Miku remembered way too well the years after his show had been cancelled. When he had realized one day that he was getting another episode, he had been so excited. He didn't know how the animators had known he was a boy, or why they included it, but he was grateful nonetheless. They, of course, didn't know Miku was sentient. Nobody did, except Miku himself.
Miku had found out he wanted to be a boy long before that final episode, during the time in which Len had been struggling to figure out who he himself was. Miku remembered an episode of his getting turned on, and, Len being the only one watching at the time, he had bounced right in, acting out his part.
He had asked Len's name, thinking he was Rin. When he had said something different, Miku had been confused, until Miki, next to him, had said "now she knows your real name, Len."
Miku acted out everything she could for Len all the time after that. He wanted to see what Miki had meant when she said now Miku knew Len's real name.
It hadn't taken long. Late-night calls and sleepovers had gotten the word 'transgender' out enough that Miku figured out that Len was a boy now. And maybe he could be too.
Now, Miku didn't have access to the Internet. He was just a person on the other side of a television screen. Who would think to give him Internet? He wasn't even supposed to be real.
But it wasn't hard to figure out what transgender meant when Len would complain about not looking like a boy and Miki would do her best to cheer him up.
Miku hadn't felt alone in those moments. Sometimes, he imagined Miki was saying those words to him, which led to his realization. Which also came with some not-family-friendly words that Miku was definitely not supposed to know, but his watchers had said them so many times how wouldn't he? His show was strictly family-friendly though, so no saying those words.
Miku blinked. Len was watching! Finally! Miku pulled his hair up into pigtails, and then popped into his screen.
Len was watching on his computer, as always. Miku stared at him. He'd changed so much since Miku had first seen him.
Teto was standing a bit behind Len, her light blue blanket wrapped tightly around her body. She must have told Len that Miku had started saying Teto's name. Okay. Miku could go off-script again. He just needed one person to know he was real.
Welcome back to another episode of--
Len. LEN. PLEASE.
Miku spat the words out, hitting the ground. Everything in him screamed to get up, to get back on script. He shouldn't be doing this. He knew it. But he might just go insane if he didn't have anybody to talk to for much longer.
"Please," Miku said, ignoring both Len and Teto's wide eyes. "Don't leave me! You're the only people I have left! You can't just leave! At least...at least keep me on," Miku said, before his voice quit on him.
Len looked to Teto, and then back to the screen, and then right at Miku.
"Miku-"
"Len, don't," Teto snapped. No. Stay. Please. "I don't know what this is, but we shouldn't talk to him. You can leave him on, but I don't think we should say anything to him."
Len frowned, staring at Miku, and then stood up, following Teto out of the world.
Oh. So that's how it was. Miku sat down. He didn't want to be alone. He wanted someone real to talk to. Letting out a low cry, Miku shoved his face into his hands, trying to shove back tears. What was wrong with him? Why did even the person who made Miku who he is not want to talk to him? Was he really that messed up?
"I'm sorry," Miku said. "Thanks for not turning me off, at least." Nobody was there to listen to him rambling. Taking a deep breath, Miku stood up. Might as well get back on script.
"Defoko~!" Miku hated the way his voice sounded, but obviously they wouldn't change his voice just because he was trans. He still had to sound like the Miku everyone knew and loved.
Even if he wasn't that Miku anymore.
<------>
Far too long later, Len walked back into the room. Miku was still there, and he quickly went silent. He almost called out to Len, but something seemed off. Len was holding something in his hand.
Wait. No. No, Len wasn't supposed to have that. Miku knew that Miki had hidden anything dangerous, but Miki was away at camp now, wasn't she? She wasn't there to find new hiding spots for those things.
Len stared at the object in his hand, and then sat down on the bed, pulling some bandages out from his drawer.
"LEN!" Miku finally got the courage to yell out to Len, and maybe get him to stop. Len's head snapped up, and Miku continued. "Please don't...I don't like seeing you in-"
Len walked over to the computer, slamming it shut. Miku stared blankly at the darkness in front of his face before hitting the ground. Tears built up in his eyes, and he finally allowed himself to cry.
What good was he if he couldn't stop his best fans from hurting themselves?