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“You busy today, Kira?”
Kira glanced up from the kitchen, where he had gone to grab a glass of water, to the source of the sound. Josefumi draped himself across the couch, facing the TV as a drama played out before them. It wasn’t a show that either of them watched frequently, and Josefumi had a tendency to drop in on shows and watch out of boredom and vague interest.
“No, I’m not.”
“What about tomorrow?”
“I’m free tomorrow. Why do you ask?”
Josefumi pushed himself up with a soft grunt and linked his hands together, casting nervous glances Kira’s way as he slowly said, “Well… I was wondering if you’d wanna… you wanna drop acid with me?”
Kira stared at him hard. Before Kira could process the suggestion, Josefumi’s face shifted into mild fear and he scratched at the back of his head. “I-I know the stuff is super illegal. I swear I’m not a drug addict or super into them or anything, it’s just something that’s fun to do once in a while, and I’ve been itching to just say fuck it and get a little help relaxing. But since I’m living here now, it’d be rude to not let you know about me using it, so why not offer it to you? You don’t have to, of course, and if you don’t want me doing it here, I can—”
“Sure.”
Josefumi blinked and lowered his arm. “For real?”
“Why not?” Through his studies, Kira learned about many varieties of drugs, how some were useful and necessary to treat certain ailments and how others did almost nothing but harm. Kira never felt any temptation to try drugs, not only because they were so dangerously hard to obtain, but also because he didn’t see the appeal in it. He’d heard of people and seen the victims of drug addiction in hospitals, most commonly falling to meth and MDMAs. But LSD wasn’t extremely dangerous in itself as long as they were safe. And he wanted Josefumi to be safe, even if it meant taking such a substance in his own home.
Plus, maybe it would help him relate better to Josefumi. Years ago, his mother, Holly Joestar-Kira, saved Josefumi’s life in the emergency room, the small child at the time almost drowning due to his mother’s neglect. Apparently she had kept in touch with his family because when word came to her about Josefumi’s mother going missing, she asked Kira to take him into his home, at least until they could sort something out.
The first several weeks with Josefumi were a bit tense. Kira wasn’t good at socializing, even though his career of choice involved helping people (although that didn’t mean talking or befriending them). He didn’t think they had much in common, and he didn’t want Josefumi to pick at the particulars of his apartment, the way he preserved his nail clippings by month in the bathroom, the way he stocked specific kitchen cabinets of greens such as peas, the way he decorated his living room in such a way that his fascination with hands was probably less subtle than he’d hoped. But when Josefumi parked his luggage in the guest room, he thanked Kira and said he had a lovely home.
He liked that.
Maybe doing something outrageously out of character would lower Kira’s inhibitions enough to bond with Josefumi. At least it would be a shared experience.
“Okay. Since it’s your first time, I gotta warn you to dress in comfortable clothes, and we gotta remember to hydrate,” Josefumi said, hopping off of the couch and wandering into his room. He came back minutes later, donning sweats and a loose t-shirt, and prepared tabs. Kira silently wandered over to where Josefumi stood at the kitchen counter.
“Are you seriously gonna wear your sailor outfit?” Josefumi asked.
“I feel perfectly comfortable in it.”
“If you say so,” Josefumi said with a shrug.
Josefumi handed Kira his two tabs and plopped down on the couch after popping his own into his mouth. He crossed his legs and bobbed his foot, spreading his arms out over the back of the couch, and said, “Shit, I should have prepared something better than random TV for us to watch. Have any movies around?”
“I… We could watch Titanic,” Kira said.
“The version with that one guy, Leonardo DiCaprio?”
Kira nodded. Josefumi shrugged. “Go for it.”
Kira put the disc into his DVD player and settled down next to Josefumi. He tried not to sit too close, letting his hands drop into his lap. He looked into drug effects years ago, and he knew it wouldn’t immediately act, but he kept a mental stopwatch playing, counting down to when he should start feeling something.
“Try not to think about it so much,” Josefumi said, glancing at Kira from the corner of his eye. “Just relax and try not to get so tense. You’ll know when it hits you.”
“I’m not tense,” Kira said, his hands balling up into fists.
Josefumi snorted. “Yes you are.”
Instead of arguing further, Kira blew some air out his nose and settled back into watching the movie he’d seen many, many times before. Boats, ships, and anything about living on or traveling by the sea fascinated Kira, and naturally the tragedy of Titanic caught Kira’s attention as soon as he heard about it. Sea vessels had their own weaknesses, no matter how strongly they were built, and the Titanic was supposed to be a symbol of wealth and luxury, which crumbled and left so many people to die.
The romance was almost a secondary plotline to Kira, but as Jack and Rose met and started to get involved, Kira found himself feeling a bit nervous, his heart pounding a little too hard, his thoughts darting to Josefumi. Maybe this was a bad idea or Josefumi would make fun of how cheesy it was. He didn’t necessarily want to impress Josefumi, but he wanted him to approve or at least tolerate his interests.
He cared about what Josefumi thought, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
Kira recalled each scene before it played, and every time Josefumi snorted or chuckled, Kira smiled to himself. Sweat slowly started to coat his body as they approached the drawing scene, and he forced himself to stare at the screen rather than glance at Josefumi (but was it creepy to stare at the nudity that was barely there? Or maybe it was because someone he cared about too much was sitting right next to him). He held his breath until the scene transition, and the heat in his body slowly ebbed away.
They stayed quiet until near the end, Josefumi letting out a quiet gasp and Kira blinked many times, feeling something hit his eyes. He couldn’t let himself cry while watching Titanic, of all things. He turned his head slightly away from Josefumi, as if that could shield his face at all as Jack faded into the sea. Again, Rose’s aged face appeared on screen.
Josefumi snorted again, and Kira whipped his head around to stare at him hard. Josefumi covered his eyes with one hand, and the smile underneath seemed half-forced.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Josefumi managed, waving his hand dismissively. “It’s just—what a transition. From. Drowning to old lady. It’s…” His laugh was shaky, and it struck Kira what a terrible idea it was to watch this, especially considering how Josefumi almost drowned as a child. Kira wanted to comfort him, but he didn’t know how, and anything that came to his mind just felt like it would be a weird thing to do. He could feel his body’s temperature slipping from its norm, his core feeling warm, but the air conditioning tickled every little hair on his arms and barely revealed midriff.
Josefumi sniffed and stood, wobbling slightly before righting himself. “I’m just gonna… I need shorts. Feeling the acid sweats already.”
As Josefumi wandered off down the hallway, Kira stood and swayed for a moment. He had a general idea of the effects of the drugs, but this wasn’t what he was expecting at all. People talked about hallucinations, completely tripping balls, and here he was just feeling a bit strange: his balance wasn’t exactly right, the air around him felt crisper against his skin and as he inhaled, and there was a tingling in his mouth that wasn’t good or bad, just unusual. Maybe water would fix that, and Josefumi said hydration was important.
Kira drifted back over to the couch with two full glasses of water and waited for Josefumi, trying not to feel impatient or too anxious about his choices, the credits of the movie a dull sound in the background. Kira found himself staring down the hallway, watching as Josefumi stumbled out of his room, now adorning shorts, and went directly to the TV to shut off the DVD player.
Josefumi said, “Well, I didn’t really plan out anything for our trip. So uh, do you wanna watch something else, or maybe we can find music to listen to…”
“Music sounds like a fun idea,” Kira said. “Is there a kind of music that’s better for this state of mind?”
“Not really. Sometimes it’s the mood. It’s better to pick stuff you like. So what do you want?”
“Me? What do you want?” Kira asked. He realized he had no idea what kind of music Josefumi was into, and that was one of the many, many things he wanted to learn about him.
“It’s just… weird stuff, you know,” Josefumi said, shrugging. His face started to get red, and Kira thought he saw at least one or two beads of sweat.
“I don’t care. I want to hear it. Might be more interesting than listening to Queen for the hundredth time.”
Josefumi looked at him for another moment before pulling out his phone. “Okay, but tell me if it gets to be annoying or hard or whatever.”
“Now you’re the one who needs to stop worrying so much,” Kira said with a little smile.
But Josefumi didn’t smile, and he sat down and dangled his arms from the couch as grunge roared from his phone. Stuff about rebellion, voices starting low, growing hoarse, screaming until their lungs must have ached. Is this the kind of singing Josefumi liked? Could Kira ever imitate it to win him over?
No wait, what is he thinking?
Several songs passed, Kira trying to bob his head to the music but the tempo kept changing, before Josefumi spoke up, “S-so do you like it?”
Kira nodded. “Not bad. Don’t see why you were so worried to show me.”
“I dunno, didn’t want to be told that I have a trashy, angsty teen music taste.”
“There’s nothing trashy about it,” Kira said. He couldn’t imagine himself listening to stuff during his leisure time, but he didn’t think any less of Josefumi. It made him a little charming. The quiet guy liked such harsh, angry stuff.
Josefumi’s gaze wandered to the floor before he said, “Thanks. Is that water for me?”
Kira nodded, and the two men took a moment to completely down their glasses of water. Kira removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair. He placed it down on the table, deeming it too warm to wear right now. But after that, there was nothing else to distract him.
“What else do you usually do on… this?” Kira asked.
Josefumi nearly jumped, as if he was torn away from something else that fascinated him, something better than Kira. “Oh. Uh, not much. I usually just watch movies, anime, random shows playing TV, music videos, play easy video games, or just zone out and listen to music or look outside and watch the sky. I try to do stuff that’s pretty easy to do.”
“Hmm…” Kira looked around his living room and tried to think. No other movie was really jumping out to him right now, he didn’t know what games Josefumi had, and he was worried about stressing out Josefumi by making him play more music and feeling anxious for his approval. If only something could stroll in—
And then Kira spotted his white cat strolling into the room, his tail curled at the tip. Josefumi followed his gaze and gasped. “Oh shit, I forgot about Killer Queen! Fuck yeah!”
Josefumi scrambled off the couch. Killer Queen stopped in his place, his ears flattening against his head as Josefumi ungracefully stumbled over and picked the cat from the ground. He sat back down right next to Kira (and Kira couldn’t help but feel the warmth of their thighs pressed together) and set Killer Queen down on his lap. Josefumi ran his fingers through Killer Queen’s short fur. “Even though he’s not the fluffiest cat, this feels fucking amazing.”
“Of course it does. Killer Queen is the best damn cat ever.”
Josefumi chuckled, his fingers combing through Killer Queen’s fur a bit more roughly. The cat started to purr, to Kira’s relief. As accepting of Josefumi as his owner. “I never had pets of my own,” Josefumi rattled on, “but I’ve been thinking about how cool it’d be to pet a cat or dog while tripping.”
Kira focused too hard on Josefumi’s hands, the way he pet Killer Queen. His hands really were beautiful. “Pretty.”
“Huh?” Josefumi said, glancing up at him.
“What?”
“You just randomly said ‘pretty’ out loud.”
“Shit. I said that out loud?”
“Yeah. So what’s pretty?”
Kira felt so warm and sweaty that he couldn’t tell if it was just from the drugs or from his feelings and his embarrassment. He couldn't say Josefumi—that’d be a bit too sappy and make Josefumi think he was some kind of weirdo. He cleared his throat, had to think of anything better—
“Y… your hands.”
Josefumi glanced down at his now-frozen-in-place hand. “My hands?”
Kira bit his bottom lip and nodded, with a snarky, “Yeah that’s what I said so please don’t smack me or tell me I’m a creepy man because I know—”
“I wouldn’t say anything like that,” Josefumi said. His cheeks gained a cute pink color to them as he tilted his head, considering his own hand. “I’m flattered you think it’s cute. Or any part of me is cute.”
“But clearly all of you is,” Kira blurted out before he could stop himself and fuck, he wished he could hit himself for going off and ruining this so quickly, all because his thoughts were foggy and swirling around in his head like mush and all he could think about now was how cute Josefumi was. And he deserves to have Josefumi recoil and move out and hate him. All throughout Josefumi moving in and adjusting to the environment, Kira didn’t want to be that guy who crushed on his roommate and acted predatory around him. Their age gap and the fact that their only mutual contact was Holly filled Kira with apprehension. He wasn’t used to falling for people, but he also wasn’t blind to his own feelings. He had hoped it would simply dissipate over time. Or Josefumi could start dating someone else so he would be forced to kill those emotions within himself.
And Josefumi simply gawked at him.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Kira began.
“Don’t be sorry for calling me pretty,” Josefumi said with a laugh. “I’m flattered you said something nice about me at all. Hands are kind of an odd thing to compliment, but I’ll take it.”
Kira tried to process all of this, but his mind rushed to I’m not being rejected and my hand thing isn’t freaking him out and what if I just kept riding this train and blame all of the negative fallout on us simply being on drugs? Again, he decided, fuck it.
“Why wouldn’t I say something nice about you?”
“I’m just the weirdo homeless kid that your mom pities,” he said.
“She doesn’t pity you,” Kira said, a bit taken back. “She just cares for a lot of people. She only has two kids, but she cares deeply for all of her patients. She’s very maternal like that. And she probably assumed your mother wouldn’t be a very good paternal figure.”
Josefumi shrugged, blinking. “And I just… I feel like I was just kind of pushed to you, ruining all the good alone time you had. Taking up space. Wasting it. Like a burden.” He looked like he was going to cry, or maybe Kira was reading into his words too deeply. But Kira badly wanted to hug him. It took all the energy he had to not wrap his arms around him.
“You’re not a burden at all. I love—” (did Josefumi’s face light up or was it the drugs fucking with Josefumi’s facial expression again why was his face so bright right then) “—having you here.”
“Really?”
Kira nodded, and then Josefumi leaned closer (causing Killer Queen to make a small sound and hop onto the floor, prowling away) and enveloped Kira in his arms. He dug his face into Kira’s chest, and Kira’s hands remained a bit raised in surprise a moment longer before slowly resting them on his back. Josefumi shook a bit, and Kira felt confused because his heart beat faster and he was definitely reading into everything too much because there was no way this could be real, there was no way Josefumi was going to cry into his chest and confess to him or something. That stuff didn’t just happen out of the blue.
“I… That makes me very happy, Kira.”
“Yoshikage.”
“Huh?” Josefumi said, managing to poke his head up out of their embrace.
“You don’t need to be so formal with me. Might as well call me by my first name.”
“Yoshikage,” Josefumi said, and dove his head back into the warmth. “I’m glad.”
“Why does that make you so glad?” Kira said, with nervous edge to his voice, which he regretted as soon as the words left his mouth because he must be acting incredibly obvious. There was no way Josefumi couldn’t see right through him.
Josefumi shrugged and mumbled, a bit muffled, “I want you to like me. A lot.”
Kira gulped. Might as well do it now while his skin feels extra tingly from the contact with Josefumi, while everything smelled so sharp and clear, while his mouth felt weird and a small pattern formed on the walls, as if they were always there, and drifted along like clouds in the sky. “Well, I do like you. A lot.”
Josefumi laughed a little. “I mean like… shit, you wouldn’t get it.”
“I really do mean that I like you. A lot.”
“You can’t be serious,” Josefumi said, lifting his head up yet again. “This can’t be happening.”
Were they actually on the same wavelength right now? Kira wished he had more time to step back and think this over logically, balance out the pros and cons of what they were doing, what he was feeling , but he found himself stifling a laugh, a mirth bubbling within him because it sure as fuck felt like they were. “I really, really, really like you, Josefumi, and I’d, uh, date you if I could.”
Josefumi’s jaw shut as he stared, and a weight dropped in Kira’s stomach because he must have fucked up badly for Josefumi to react this way. A small huff caused Josefumi to shift in his arms, and then he started to laugh hard and let go of Kira. Kira wasn’t sure what that meant, but he started giggling a bit because Josefumi’s face was red and something made him laugh so wonderfully, something that he had said, and this was the happiest Kira had ever seen him. He wanted him even more.
Josefumi covered his face in his hands and continued to vibrate. “I… I just… it feels like a fucking dream come true, this is so silly, and I’m being so silly and I’m also really fucking tripping because it sounds like you love me or something.”
“But I do.”
“Are you sure it isn’t the drugs talking? You don’t love me because I gave you two tabs of acid, right?” Josefumi said, pointing an accusing finger at Kira, tears sticking to the edges of his eyes. Completely fucking losing it.
Kira snorted at that and covered his mouth. “I really do like you. I thought I’d be the weird one for liking you in that way. Or that you’d hate me.”
“Well, it’s weird for you to like me because I’m a total loser, but it’s not weird because I really like that you like me,” Josefumi said with a nervous laugh. And if Kira were more sober, he’d be able to better absorb the subtle things Josefumi was gradually revealing during this trip and say something to make him feel better. But talking was becoming too difficult, his mind rushing one moment and slugging along the next, so maybe he could communicate how he felt without speaking nonsense.
Instead Kira inched closer to him and hugged him, pressing Josefumi close to himself. Josefumi wormed his arms under Kira’s to hold onto him. For a moment, they both sat still on the couch, basking in the warmth of acceptance on a romantic scale, processing the fact that they could be (or are now?) boyfriends and testing out how it felt. Then Josefumi started to giggle again and turned his head to the side, reaching for his phone with a newly freed arm.
“Shit, it’s already evening.”
“What? How did—how did that happen?”
“Probably because we were listening to music for, like, two hours.”
“You’re shitting me,” Kira said, balking.
“No. I kinda got lost in some of my favorite tracks and you were… shit,” Josefumi stopped mid sentence to cover his mouth, nearly erupting into giggles again. “You were staring at me. A lot. I’m so fucking oblivious.”
“I was really doing that? I’m sorry,” Kira said, but then he had to suppress a snort at the mental image of listening to hoarse-voiced punk boys singing while some man in a sailor outfit stared at you.
“Don’t apologize. It wasn’t creepy. It was a little cute.”
“I’m not even a little bit cute,” Kira said simply.
Josefumi shut his eyes and covered his face again and fell back on the couch, attempting to roll around as he laughed but instead falling off the couch with a thud. Kira slapped his knee and burst into laughter, the two of them pointing at each other and glancing away with tear-filled eyes as the room became lighter and fuzzier. Every time one of them appeared to have calmed down, he opened his mouth and the other started laughing, and then they collapsed into a nonsensical mess, unable to get a single comprehensible word in as their love crushed them over and over again.