Archive of Our Own

A sheer cold that could not be comforted by flames.

Flames that burned a temperature so high that it dared to compete against the heat of the greatest star, and flames that burnt such a sorrowful shade that could even rival the darkest of nights.

Despite having such powers, Han Yoohyun could only lament on what he’d lost in order to attain his power and status as an S-Class Hunter and as the leader of the Haeyeon Guild. It was a transaction, where he’d lost far too much and gained too little.

His brother, his home, his goal to provide for his brother for the rest of his life, those simple mealtimes together, and the fond laughter that he was so accustomed to, alongside the messy ruffles of his hair — all of that had been devastatingly lost overnight.

It was a reality that seemed so distant, akin to a faraway dream, where the sole fragments of normalcy that he thought he still had left could only helplessly slip through the cracks of his fingers.

However, one day, he was determined that when he attained that strength, he could reclaim his rightful place beside his brother. Until then, he needed to be patient. He had to keep biding his time and watch his brother from the shadows.

That was supposed to be the course of events, but of course, things never went according to plan.

Despite it all, he could only wonder how things ended up like this.

In his fading vision, he could see his brother, Han Yoojin, gazing upon him with tearful eyes and quivering lips, desperately clutching his hand. Yoojin cradled his body, much like when they were younger, but with each passing second, Yoohyun could feel the warmth gradually fading from his body.

In the only time he had left, he needed to secure Yoojin’s escape route. From his inventory, he held out the only gate stone he possessed and gave him firm instructions to leave when Rauchitas returned to its state of slumber.

Yoohyun oftentimes did not dwell on possibilities but as his consciousness began to fade, he could only contemplate and entertain the countless possibilities that ran through his mind.

If, hypothetically, he had a chance to do it all over again, would there be anything that he— or they could’ve done differently?

Once, Han Yoohyun and Han Yoojin were inseparable.

Knowing that, Yoohyun couldn’t help but wonder: where did it all go wrong?

A morning that was without light.

Instead, it was a morning that was characterised by the fresh dew that hung from blades of grass, with its accompaniment as the faint scent of cool night air, which still lingered in the atmosphere from the dusk prior.

There were no stars overhead but in the next hour or so, the clouds would part and rays of light would stream through the mist and cast a faint illumination across the roads, until morning finally began to break — although, that was only if a weather forecast with clear skies had been expected.

This was often the time of awakening for the two brothers within a certain family home.

Although, with the time having been so early in the morning, this was a truth that was unbeknownst to the older brother: Han Yoojin.

Meanwhile, the other — Han Yoohyun — had made some subconscious attempt to adjust his body clock, so that he would be in tune with his brother and could have the privilege of witnessing his morning routine.

At the sound of Yoojin’s alarm, albeit on the lowest, quietest setting, Yoohyun’s eyes would flutter open and he would remain tucked in bed beneath the blankets, lest Yoojin finds him awake far too early for his own good and chides him on why he isn’t asleep at this time.

The alarm would shortly be followed by a soft, sleepy yawn, then the sound of something rustling as Yoojin would pull himself out of bed and leave his room to prepare a quick breakfast for Yoohyun. Afterwards, he’d return to his room, get changed, and then, Yoohyun’s bedroom door would softly click open. Sneakily, he’d make his way in, then gingerly pace over towards Yoohyun, who had eased his breathing and maintained a relaxed expression, so that Yoojin would’ve never suspected he was awake. In one swift motion, Yoojin’s lips would brush against the surface of Yoohyun’s cheek, then he’d depart for the day, only for them to finally reunite in the evening when Yoojin returned from a day’s work.

Yoojin would never mention it, so Yoohyun never dared to utter a word of it either.

Ever since Yoohyun gradually began to grow older, the displays of affection had also decreased. Once, they walked side-by-side with interlocked hands, but now, there remained a distance between them. At most, their shoulders would bump and their hands would graze against one another, but neither reached forward in an attempt to grasp the other. Not only that, but Yoojin, who used to cuddle him as they slept together, was now in the next room over. In the past, Yoojin would also press kisses against his cheek, then praise him or talk about how cute and adorable his baby little brother was, although that too had faded overtime.

That light gesture, so deeply reminiscent of the past, was only ever done in the morning when Yoohyun was suspected to be sleeping.

He imagined it was a secret — one that was supposed to belong exclusively to Yoojin — but he’d seized it without his older brother’s knowledge and also made it his own.

After all, wasn’t it only natural that there shouldn’t have been any secrets between family? Anything that was Yoojin’s also belonged to Yoohyun by the simple act of association.

All of this was fine. It wouldn’t have mattered if Yoojin found out anyway since Yoohyun was dearly precious to him. It didn’t matter if those feelings came from the act of Yoojin fulfilling his role as a reliable older brother. Irregardless of that fact, it still granted Yoohyun the privilege to bask in an affection that was solely his.

Like he always did, Yoohyun gently traced the spot where Yoojin’s warmth remained, trying to catch what was left of it since it consistently dissipated far too quickly, but this morning was jarringly different. Instead of feeling the lingering warmth, his fingers touched upon what felt like cold, pallid skin. It was devoid of any warmth, like he’d been enduring a world without Yoojin for years on end.

Not to mention, there were remnants of a deeply unsettling feeling embedded inside his chest. It seemed to fade when he awakened, but his mind had told him that it was from a bizarre dream. While Yoohyun usually didn’t dream, he couldn’t help but feel like it may have happened during his slumber this time around.

As he lifted himself off his bed and began to get ready for another day of school, the feeling disappeared almost instantaneously, like it had stolen from him and spirited away.

Yoohyun dressed himself in the usual white button-up shirt, but left the top button undone. His brother preferred casual, looser clothing, so it was only natural that Yoohyun did too. Next, he donned a sweater and his uniform’s blazer, then lifted the collar of his inner shirt and hung his loose tie over his shoulders, followed by the motion of him seamlessly forming a knot in the exact same way his older brother had taught him in the past. He changed into the accompanying dress pants and found a random pair of socks to wear.

Yoojin had bought him several different pairs so he could wear them across different weekdays, with each set having a different colour on the sole. When they’d gone shopping together to search for them, Yoojin had made it his mission to find out Yoohyun’s favourite colour, just as he’d been attempting to do for the past several years. Yoohyun hadn’t quite understood the charm of a favourite colour, so instead of offering any helpful response, he only flashed a bright smile and said that he would be happy with whatever Yoojin chose for him.

He left his room, then paced over towards the kitchen table and lifted the food cover that was atop of it. Before him, there was a generous portion of rice, a bowl of soup from the night before, with the recent addition of soft-boiled eggs.

He re-heated the food in the microwave, then sat down at the dining table and systematically ate the food, like he did every morning. He habitually finished every grain of rice and downed the soup to its very last drop, putting in all of that mindless effort so that he could be rewarded with a satisfied grin from Yoojin whenever they did share a meal together.

With that, he paced over towards the sink, washed the dishes and set them onto the drying rack. Sometimes, they would be in the kitchen together, where Yoojin would wash everything and Yoohyun would be in charge of drying them, going over the dishes with a kitchen towel.

Shortly after, he grabbed his school bag and headed to their shoe cabinet, putting on the sneakers that Yoojin had bought for him just a few weeks prior when he’d noticed Yoohyun’s older shoes were a tight fit, then tied his shoelaces, also in the exact same manner that he’d once been taught. He made his way out the door, then locked it behind him, already eager for the day to end so that he could share another moment with Yoojin.

The idyllic life that he shared with his older brother was one of Han Yoohyun’s dearest treasures.

Unlike most, Yoohyun did not possess a desire for companionship.

He did not feel the need to form any other connections. What purpose was there in doing something so mundane when he had his beloved older brother? In the same way that a flaring heat was so closely intertwined with the existence of fire, Yoohyun was tightly knit with Yoojin. His older brother, who held the position of being the closest to his heart, was the only other person that he needed in his life.

In fact, this was a sentiment he’d previously expressed whenever Yoojin made a subtle nudge at him, asking whether he’d made any friends at high school or if he’d found a girl that he was somewhat interested in.

If there was anything that Yoohyun had in his responses, it was consistency. Despite that, this weekend had been another reoccurrence of such dialogue.

Yoojin, who busied himself with the preparation of lunch, spoke curiously as he cracked an egg into the frying pan. “Yoohyun-ah. Do you have any plans today? Maybe later this evening?”

Yoohyun directed a pointed look over towards Yoojin, who had returned it with one of resignation, like his older brother had already known his response but still needed to go through the mandatory motions of asking him.

“I don’t,” Yoohyun replied coolly.

“Well, you’re trying to go to medical school, right?” Yoojin remarked idly. “This ahjussi at work has a daughter around your age. He said that there was an amusement park in Seoul, which had this haunted house. She works there and wants to be an ortho…… ortho-something? It’s related to bones.”

“Orthopaedic?” Yoohyun finished.

“Yes. That’s it,” Yoojin nodded. “Thanks to her efforts, the bones and anatomical structure in there are very accurate to the real human body. You could go with someone, like a classmate or I can talk to the ahjussi if you want to talk to that girl.”

“I’m not interested.”

“Hyung can give you extra allowance if that’s what you’re worried about,” Yoojin clarified, then set a fried egg onto a plate.

Yoohyun joined his older brother in the kitchen, then grabbed a few utensils as he began to set the table.

“There’s a skeletal structure in one of the classrooms,” Yoohyun said, then added another comment. “And the nervous system.” 

Not to mention… he thought. Hyung always works extra hours when he says extra allowance.

It had already happened once before. It was around the time when Yoohyun had received an acceptance letter for the high school he had put down as his first preference. Whether for better or for worse, Yoojin hadn’t attended high school and didn’t have any hand-me-down clothing that he could offer to Yoohyun, unlike the years before.

Neither of them dared to address it, but Yoojin had briefly mentioned that he might have some earlier mornings and later nights than usual, quoting that work had picked up so he’d be a little busier for some time. With Yoohyun being by Yoojin’s side ever since he was born, he’d gradually began to pick up on a few of Yoojin’s unconscious habits. The words he spoke belied the truth, where Yoojin’s eyes would shift ever so slightly, before coming to meet Yoohyun’s again, mixing in a truth with a lie, so that he would never be suspected otherwise, but alas, Yoohyun knew all the ins-and-outs of his older brother.

What sort of little brother would he be if he couldn’t even remember Yoojin’s tiniest of habits? He had committed all of them to memory with ease.

“Well, what about the museum?” Yoojin suggested and spooned a pot of reheated soup into a bowl. “Or maybe the art gallery? If there’s anyone at all that you want to go with, you can just let hyung know without needing to be shy.”

Yoohyun took the bowl from him, intentionally letting his fingers graze against Yoojin’s, then set it down onto the table. “I only need you, hyung. I can go anywhere with you and do anything with you.”

Yoojin turned off the gas stove, with those flames swiftly being extinguished and leaving not even a single ember behind. “But that’s exactly what I’m worried about.”

“Worried, you say…” Yoohyun repeated as he took a seat at the table across from his older brother and thanked him for the food, then posed a question. “Why?”

“…How do I put this?” Yoojin sighed. “I want you to form connections and to get to know other people. Your world doesn’t have to be limited to just me. When your world expands, your perspective also changes. At the moment, you might be happy with just me, but how long is that going to last? One day, you might seek companionship: finding a girlfriend, getting married, having kids — that sort of thing.”

The idea of having family other than Yoojin had never once crossed Yoohyun’s mind. He didn’t need anyone else, nor did he experience the desire that one may feel towards the opposite sex. Just the very thought of another individual joining the both of them made him sick to his stomach.

Yoohyun’s chopsticks missed the edge of the fried egg as he attempted to pick it up, and instead, it struck the soft yolk and tore the thin layer, with the yellow and orange liquid bleeding outward and dyeing his chopsticks. Yoojin, having noticed, simply picked up the egg plate and tilted it over Yoohyun’s bowl, letting it slide seamlessly into the fluffy rice and leaving behind a faint trail of the yolk that burst.

Yoojin took great care of him when he was younger and even now, so wasn’t it still within the grounds of normalcy for a ward to grow attached to their perfect custodian?

Unfortunately, at this very moment, their perspectives were akin to perpendicular lines, never quite being able to meet because they contrasted far too much and were far too different, yet Yoohyun held onto the faint hope that one day it would be reciprocated.

In the interim, he just needed to change his approach for now and forget about vocalising the emphasis that the only person he ever needed was Han Yoojin.

“I want to focus on my studies right now,” Yoohyun stated firmly. “I want to go to medical school and get a good job, so that you’ll never have to work another day in your life.”

Even so, it remained in his mind. Yoohyun only ever needed Yoojin, so it also should’ve been that Yoojin only ever needed Yoohyun too, yet that wasn’t the case. However, if he’d made it so that Yoojin was completely reliant on him for his every need in the future, that would be the greatest blessing that Yoohyun could ever ask for.

Yoojin gave a light smile, then chuckled fondly at the idea of it. “That would be nice. I’d love to retire early and do nothing for the rest of my life… but I don’t want the cost of my early retirement to come at your expense. If I’m the reason that your social life is being jeopardised, then I—”

Yoojin cut himself off abruptly, then spoke softly as he picked up a clump of rice with his chopsticks. “No. Forget it.”

“Hyung,” Yoohyun began and let his gaze settle on Yoojin’s dilated irises, which seemed intently focused on him. “You know, you’re the most important person to me in the world. I would be nothing without you.”

Yoojin merely closed his eyes, shutting himself away from the heaviness that was deep within Yoohyun’s gaze, and fiddled with his food. “…My cute baby little brother has such a big heart. The person that’s loved by you in the future will surely be happy.”

What did Yoohyun need to do, in order to reach Yoojin?

If his older brother had simply asked for it, Yoohyun would be willing to cut his chest open and gouge out his heart. He would plate it beautifully, serve it on the finest platter, and present the bleeding organ that still continued to beat before its most precious person. He could and would do anything and everything for Yoojin.

Anything. Everything. All for Han Yoojin.

His whole existence belonged exclusively to Yoojin, reserved for him, with a searing brand on his heart, so what did he need to do for Yoojin to also be his own?

To own or to be owned, he would accept either.

Slowly but surely, Yoohyun’s heart gradually began to leave the realm of what would be considered ordinary.

Yoohyun basked in the unconditional affection that Yoojin had given to him and was simply spoiled by that love, with both of them blissfully ignorant to the growing desire for more. It was like raising a soft, small, fluffy animal, only to realise it was a fierce apex predator when it had reached adulthood, or tending to a beautiful flower and being poisoned by its venomous spores when it had finally flourished and bloomed. 

Neither of them had realised it yet.

If anything changed, Yoohyun had become more acutely aware of his brother’s humane existence.

One might describe it as odd, but a few of his aspects were beyond Yoohyun’s understanding. However, instead of querying it, he squashed down the murky feelings that arose and suppressed them, almost as easily as if he were crushing an ant underfoot. That was because Yoohyun had a subconscious understanding that he differed from Yoojin.

Deep within his mind, he comprehended that there were inherent differences between him and his older brother, aside from their physical appearance.

The feelings that Yoojin wished for him to have never came naturally to him. Things like love, admiration, empathy, sympathy, sexual desire, fascination, sadness, misery, hatred, jealousy and fear, amongst other emotions, were completely unfamiliar to him. Although, it was beyond him that he only experienced such a torrent of emotions when he could associate them with Yoojin.

On the rare days that Yoojin finished work early, he would happily go shopping and buy a pricier cut of meat, practically beaming when he got to treat Yoohyun to something that was a little more luxurious. Once every while, he would take Yoohyun out instead and they’d visit a restaurant with the thick smell of barbecued meat and smoke.

Otherwise, Yoojin would be overcome with exhaustion from his days of work and tended to spend his off-days indoors. He slept peacefully, completely undisturbed and unperturbed, even as Yoohyun knelt in front of him and gazed upon his sleeping face.

Yoojin, having been so accustomed to cuddling Yoohyun when they were much younger, could no longer sleep unless he’d held something, so he clung to a small plush pillow with his face cozily pressed into the soft material. It was odd, since Yoojin could’ve just asked him to sleep with him anytime and he’d obediently abide by that request. Perhaps because he was the older brother, he thought it wrong to make such requests of his little brother.

Yoohyun picked himself up off of the ground, then carefully closed the remaining distance between them and let his fingers graze against the curve of Yoojin’s jawline, then reached outward to trace his lower lip. He moved slowly to caress him, being a gesture that was far too intimate between family, yet he didn’t shy away and only leaned in, pressing a kiss to Yoojin’s cheek, in the same way he had received one every morning during his slumber. He lingered momentarily and then pulled away, watching on as Yoojin stirred but remained asleep.

With that, Yoohyun left his room shortly afterward, only for Yoojin to awaken about an hour later. He emerged from his bedroom and rubbed his groggy eyes, then joined his little brother on the couch and attempted to rest his head against the crook of Yoohyun’s neck. 

Yoohyun stole a glance at his older brother, who had given up considering their growing height difference, and opted to lay on the corner of his shoulder instead.

“Hyung,” Yoohyun whispered softly, like lulling a child to bed. “Are you going to sleep again?”

“I’m not,” he grumbled back, almost as if he were insulted by the implication that he’d go right back to sleep after just waking up. “Do I look like a sloth? I’m just enjoying some quality time with my cute little brother.”

Yoohyun nestled his head against Yoojin’s. “A sloth-like hyung wouldn’t be bad.”

“…Hyung isn’t some kind of sleeping beauty, you know.”

“Mm.”

“Do you like sloths? I think there’s a few at the zoo a couple cities away. We can go together next time.”

“I’m not particularly interested in them but going with hyung sounds fun.”

Yoojin only offered a smile at those words, then pulled away from Yoohyun and stood up from the crouch, stretching his arms in the air with his back turned. “Is there any other little brother that loves his hyung this much?”

Yoohyun didn’t answer that question, deciding he would make the safe interpretation that it was a query which was more rhetorical than anything else.

At the lack of response, Yoohyun met the gaze of Yoojin who had spun on his heel. Those dark irises that were so much like his own always seemed to be more reflective of the light, occasionally shining a softer colour, which seemed all the more different from Yoohyun’s own pupils.

However, this time, Yoojin’s irises were slightly glazed over and somewhat clouded. Wordlessly, Yoojin broke the eye contact that they maintained briefly, then rounded over towards the kitchen, presumably to make something for them to eat, and raised a hand to trace a spot on his cheek when he thought he was out of Yoohyun’s line of sight.

Although, it was foolish for him to think that he’d ever be able to leave Yoohyun’s peripheral vision, especially when they both dwelled in a shared space together. As so long as they were together, Yoojin could never hope to escape him.

At the observation of such a motion, Yoohyun simply kept quiet.

Nothing had changed between then and now.

Yoojin still pressed kisses to his cheek in the early morning, then would leave for work, in the same way he always did. Occasionally, that little peck would also be accompanied by Yoojin softly petting his head, like he was touching something fragile, as if afraid that such a motion would awaken the supposedly sleeping Yoohyun.

Just like this, the ordinary days they shared together passed them by. Surely enough, those days had turned to weeks, then became months, until they’d finally reached the point where they were welcoming Yoohyun’s seventeenth birthday.

It had been a few days away, yet Yoojin had probed Yoohyun, asking him the same question he did every year, with a bright, expectant expression.

“Yoohyun-ah,” he beamed. “Is there anyone you want to invite over for your birthday party this year?”

Naturally, Yoohyun would reciprocate the smile that was directed towards him and also respond in the exact same way he did every year. “There’s no one else, hyung. I only need you.”

Yoojin’s expression shifted to one of resignation as he exhaled a deep sigh. “Maybe next year then.”

Next year, Yoohyun thought idly. And the year after that too, I’ll still be with hyung.

It was beyond charming that Yoojin still imagined they’d be spending his birthday again together next year, despite his wish for Yoohyun to make other friends. Perhaps, deep within those words, there was a message which had conveyed the simple notion that they would be stuck spending each other’s birthdays side-by-side again forevermore.

Meanwhile, Yoojin shuffled over towards the door, then slipped on his shoes and glanced back at Yoohyun.

“I’ll be back soon!” he called out, then flashed a grin. “Look after the house while I’m gone.”

Yoohyun nodded obediently. “Ok, hyung.”

Every year, this was the one trip that Yoohyun would never be able to join his older brother on, except for when he was much younger and couldn’t be left home alone. It was the time of year when Yoojin would excitedly head down to the bakery at the end of the street, then put in a custom order for a small-sized birthday cake since they would usually only be selling Christmas cakes around that point in time.

Honestly, Yoohyun couldn’t fathom why he wasn’t able to join Yoojin on such a simple errand, but he let the circumstances be. At the end of the day, Yoojin would always return home and by extension, he would return back to Yoohyun’s side.

Yoohyun opened the window, then stuck his head outward slightly and squeezed his eyes shut when the cold, dry air of winter coiled around him. It wrapped around him, like a blanket, and blew into the household, so he figured he’d shut the window again soon, but not without catching a glimpse of the outside, where he could watch his brother leisurely stroll down the street. 

He had bundled himself up comfortably, yet still shrunk himself as he kept a tight posture: arms pressed firmly against his torso, hands shoved into his coat’s pockets, while the hood had been drawn over his head. Distantly, he heard the sound of his older brother sneezing.

With that, Yoohyun stepped back away from the window then closed it again. If the house ended up cold and his older brother got sick, it would be his fault. The possibility of that happening brought unpleasant feelings. He sat idly on the couch and pulled the blanket they’d kept on one of the cushions over himself, then laid his head down comfortably onto the low armrest as he simply waited for Yoojin to return. His eyes fluttered closed, counting down the minutes until Yoojin returned. He had already been out for some time, so he’d likely be getting started on making his way back.

One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes. Four minutes. Five minutes. Six minutes. Seven minutes.

And then, a key was slotted back into the front door and Yoojin stepped back into the homely abode. Yoohyun remained comfortably idle on the couch, with his eyes closed.

“I’m back—” he started, then cut himself short. The sound of footsteps resonated in their home, gradually increasing in volume as Yoojin presumably closed the disbanded between them, and he felt the soft tap of a cold finger against his forehead. “Yoohyun-ah. Are you sleeping?”

Yoohyun purposely remained silent. He honestly felt like he could fall asleep. Even as his eyes remained closed, he was able to sense the intensity of Yoojin’s unbridled affection.

“You are sleeping, right?” Yoojin mumbled quietly.

Yoohyun’s forehead was subjected to several more soft, idle taps, until the faint sound of Yoojin shuffling around could be heard.

“Looks like my little brother’s handsomeness comes from his beauty sleep,” Yoojin laughed, then gently stroked Yoohyun’s hair and swept it back. “Up close, your face really is… wow.”

At the familiar touch, Yoohyun gradually felt an onset of drowsiness wave over him. This time, different from all the other cheek kisses he’d received so far, he felt the sensation of Yoojin’s lips brushing against his forehead, leaving only behind the ghost of a kiss.

“My Yoohyun-ie is so cute,” he murmured, just barely above a whisper.

Despite them already being closed, Yoohyun’s eyelids grew heavy, focusing on the warmth of Yoojin’s hand as he ran it through his soft, fluffy hair and the heat that remained on his forehead.

“My little brother, so cute and more precious than anyone else in the world,” Yoojin breathed. “Grow up big and strong. You always say you only need me, but the truth is—”

Yoojin’s voice grew fainter with each passing second. He was sure that he was saying something, but what was it?

Before he’d even come to realise it, Yoohyun’s consciousness began to fade and he drifted off to sleep, only finally realising when he’d shot up awake a couple hours later and found another blanket laid atop of him. It was the one from Yoojin’s room.

Yoojin, who had just left the bathroom, noticed his awakened form and smiled softly. “If you want to sleep, it’s warmer in your room by the way.”

Yoohyun nodded, then lifted himself off the couch and folded the original blanket he had, while he set the other back on Yoojin’s bed. 

Just like that, another week peacefully passed them by, and they were both greeted with falling snow and frosted windows.

“Good morning, Yoohyun-ah,” Yoojin greeted cheerily in the morning. “Happy birthday! It’s a white Christmas today!”

His cheeks were dusted pink, likely from the morning cold, and he had already been dressed warmly to start the day. A grin, filled with a beautiful elation, adorned his features, and laughter bubbled from him as he gently pat Yoohyun’s back, until he’d bent down and his head was fondly stroked instead.

“Later, let’s go pick up your birthday cake,” Yoojin said.

“Ok, hyung,” Yoohyun replied.

“But before that, did you want to do something together? I don’t really know what kids these days want for their birthdays, so we could go shopping together, or we could go out somewhere,” he suggested eagerly. “We can do whatever you want today.”

“We can do whatever you want to do, hyung.”

“It’s your birthday, not mine.”

“I’m happy when I’m with you.”

“…While that may be true, why don’t you think about it a little?” Yoojin proposed. “Anything you’ve wanted to do.”

“Hyung… my hyung,” Yoohyun responded vacantly, then properly vocalised his inner thoughts. “I wanted to spend time with my hyung. It didn’t matter where, as long as we were together.”

“…That’s it? That’s all you want? We spend time together every day, you know.”

“But I still like you the most.”

Yoojin smiled wryly. “You’re not going to get sick of me?”

“I won’t.”

“You won’t?”

“Never.”

“Never ever?”

“Never ever.”

Yoojin hummed in contemplation, then lifted his hand towards Yoohyun, with his pinky extended outward.  “Then… for old time’s sake, promise me.”

Without hesitating, Yoohyun wrapped his pinky finger around Yoojin’s own. “I promise.”

Yoohyun stared intently at Yoojin, who refused to meet his gaze. Instead, his eyes remained focused on their interlocked fingers and lips were pressed into a sharp, thin line. Rather than being comforted, he only seemed like he’d gained another burden. Yoojin squeezed his eyes shut resolutely, then he reopened them and lifted his head to face Yoohyun.

Yoojin’s pupils trembled, like he were searching him for something, and within the irises that were so akin to his own, Yoohyun saw himself reflected within.

It was only then that Yoojin pulled his hand of promise away from Yoohyun’s, and proceeded to shove it in the pocket of his pants. Whether or not Yoojin had found what he was searching for, Yoohyun didn’t know, but the fact that he seemed more discomforted than anything else was mildly disconcerting.

“Hyung—” Yoohyun started, reaching out towards Yoojin.

“I’m really looking forward to celebrating your birthday today,” Yoojin interrupted. “Go get changed while I prepare breakfast, then we can eat and be ready to go out.”

“…Ok.”

With that, Yoohyun retreated back to his own room and began to change into his outer clothing.

Finally, he left his room and saw that the table had already been set, with a rice bowl filled to the top, where he would usually be seated. On the table, there had been various side dishes that Yoojin had prepared earlier in the week: pickled kimchi, stir-fried bean sprouts with chives, tofu skin with an assortment of sliced vegetables, seaweed with sesame seeds atop, and pickled radishes. As the main dish, there was ginseng chicken soup — same as the night before — and two fried eggs on a different plate, doused with a splash of soy sauce.

Yoohyun thanked him for the food, then took his seat at the table, with Yoojin happily taking the chair beside him. Under his older brother’s watchful gaze, Yoohyun went for the meat first: the chicken soup. When they were younger, Yoojin always filled his bowl with protein-filled food, telling him he’d grow big, tall, nice and strong, as so long as he also ate his vegetables. Not to mention, it was a surefire way to make sure he was full by the end of the meal and until the next time they ate, rather than filling himself up on the smaller side dishes.

Yoohyun spooned a portion of the food into his mouth and stole a glance at Yoojin’s expectant gaze, then spoke after he’d swallowed his food. “It’s really tasty. Thank you, hyung.”

“Anything for my cute little brother,” Yoojin grinned. “Flattering me won’t get you that far in life though.”

“It’s not just flattery though.”

After Yoohyun had properly dug into his food, Yoojin began to partake himself and started with the smaller side dishes, before working his way to the main dishes. They ate comfortably, making sure to finish the food down to the very last piece so that not a single trace had even been left behind. After they washed the dishes together, they decided to pop them on the drying rack this time, then headed over to the door of their home.

As they did so, Yoojin took the singular scarf that was within their household and wrapped it around Yoohyun. It was coloured a deep shade of red and was used solely by him when Yoojin had discovered that their household only owned the single one, then they’d put their shoes on and left home, having locked the door behind them.

Their first destination was the shopping mall. On the way there, a large Christmas tree would be set-up in the centre of their district, adorned with lights, just like it was every year.

As they walked side-by-side, their shadows danced together against the snow-covered gravel, occasionally overlapping and falling into rhythm with the other, with their footprints being imprinted into the ice beneath their feet. The proximity between them waned, being closed in miniscule amounts, until their shoulders and hands brushed against one another.

In the brief moment their hands fell away from the other, Yoohyun’s hand reached out and he took Yoojin’s own, then laced their fingers together. He only offered a serene smile when Yoojin halted in his tracks and shot him a perplexed expression — his eyebrows, slightly creased and furrowed, while his eyes were a little wider, in addition to the red flush on his cheeks that always coloured his older brother’s face when it was cold, and his slightly parted lips, which breathed small, cloudy puffs of air.

“Yoohyun-ah!” he exclaimed. “What’re you—”

“It’s cold,” Yoohyun lied easily, almost like it came naturally to him, since he hadn’t felt the cold at all. “And the snow around this part is melted—” he paused for emphasis, then raised their interlocked hands and continued, “—if we hold each other like this, it’s easier to balance if one of us ends up slipping.”

With that, Yoohyun simply tugged Yoojin forward as he extended his hand forward, who had stumbled slightly at the motion and had instinctively leveraged his hold on Yoohyun to steady himself again.

Yoojin, taken aback by the logic, seemed almost convinced, then he shook his head quickly, as if he were snapping himself out of it. “While that may be true, we don’t have to do it like this.”

Yoohyun intentionally loosened his grasp on Yoojin’s hand. “Can’t we?”

At the loose hold, Yoojin only squeezed Yoohyun’s hand a little tighter, then his eyes flitted back and forth, looking anywhere except at his little brother. “It’s not that we can’t, but…”

“Why, if it isn’t Han Yoojin-ssi!” an unfamiliar voice resounded.

Suddenly, Yoojin ripped his hand apart from Yoohyun’s, then they both turned to face an unfamiliar woman, who had been approaching them from afar.

“Hi, Yoojin!” she greeted casually.

“Hello, ahjumma!” Yoojin responded, then bowed his head politely to her.

Yoohyun simply mimicked the motion and raised his head to lock gazes with her, who had simply been looking him up and down, like she were assessing him, then turned back to Yoojin and nudged him. “You weren’t kidding! He’s really handsome.”

“I told you so! You didn’t believe me?!”

“The pictures don’t do him justice. Han Yoojin, he doesn’t look anything like you.”

“Ahh, that’s colder than today’s weather, ahjumma,” he laughed. “The colours of our eyes and hair are the same, at least.”

“Hyung,” Yoohyun interjected firmly, whilst he tugged on the hem of Yoojin’s coat.

“Ah, where are my manners?” the lady gasped. “Your hyung and I used to work together. Just looking at you, I can tell you must be Han Yoohyun. It’s your birthday today, isn’t it? Happy birthday and Christmas.”

“Thank you, noonim,” he replied.

“…Polite, handsome face, tall and a nice voice. You have it all, huh?”

Yoohyun paused. Was that a compliment? He stole a glance at his brother and locked eyes with him, only for Yoojin to avert his gaze the other way.

“Yoohyun, are you spending your birthday with your hyung?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Not a girlfriend? I’m sure you have one.”

“I don’t have one. Right now, my family is the most important to me and we have plans, so we have to go, right, hyung?”

Yoojin blinked, then simply nodded and grabbed Yoohyun’s arm, beginning to take steps backward. “That’s right. I almost forgot! We’re in a rush, ahjumma. I’m really sorry but I have a reservation for my cute little brother’s birthday that we really can’t miss, so I’ll see you again next time!”

With that, they dashed off and didn’t even spare another look behind them. Their hands joined as they ran across the ice and their hurried footsteps left haphazard prints against the snow, while Yoojin’s laughter bubbled up and echoed in the space that surrounded them.

“Who taught you such a thing?” Yoojin panted breathlessly, accompanied by the loud sound of his footsteps against the ice.

“You, hyung,” Yoohyun replied evenly. “It’s always been you, hyung.”

“But I never taught you such a thing though?!”

They continued to run, even past the Christmas tree that they were supposedly so eager to see, and moved forward into the snowy landscape set out before them.

Oddly enough, it seemed like the cold winter air that embraced them wasn’t chilly at all.

Yoohyun and Yoojin roamed the shopping mall, with the latter completely out of breath by the time they’d made it to the foot of the entrance.

He had made a swift recovery after a short breather, then they resumed their adventure into the shopping mall, having stopped by different kinds of stores.

The first was a shoe store. They had recently bought new sneakers for Yoohyun, considering his incredible growth over the years, but this time, they’d stopped by the section filled with trendy styles, targeted for high schoolers and young adults. Yoohyun could sense Yoojin practically staring him down, trying to gauge some sort of reaction, but when he only stared blankly at them, Yoojin said they would visit their the next stop.

The second one was a men’s clothing store. The two brothers usually bought their clothing for cheap at a general department store, often being plain and simple, but it did the job of keeping someone warm and that was enough. At the lack of Yoohyun’s initiative, Yoojin simply guided him forward and picked up a few items off the clothing rack, then hovered them over Yoohyun’s body, remarking that he would look good in anything. Yoohyun simply said that if such was the case, then they didn’t need to shop at this store and could go back to the department store, so they’d left.

The third store was filled with an assortment of stationery. According to Yoojin’s colleague with the daughter that aspired to join the orthopedic field, themed stationery was popular these days, especially when they partnered with bigger labels that had cute mascots. Yoojin had picked up something random off the goods’ shelf, then offered it to Yoohyun, asking him what he thought of it. Before him was a notebook with ruled lines; its cover was made of felt, but more than anything else, he stared at the creature on the front of the cover and proceeded to shake his head in dismissal. Yoojin set it down and did the same thing for a couple other products, until he’d realised they were going nowhere, and they departed.

The fourth shop was a bookstore. Looking at the shelves reminded Yoohyun of the fairytales that were gathering dust on the bookshelf at home. When they were children, Yoohyun was practically seated against Yoojin, scanning the words on the page, while they were read out loud by his older brother. Considering their current age, there was no need to revisit such fictitious stores but it was once the perfect excuse to hear Yoojin’s voice, right by the cusp of his ear.

Yoojin tugged at Yoohyun’s sleeve, then brought him over to a section filled with webcomics and other illustrative material. At the lack of reaction, he was beckoned over to the place with books for studying, not that Yoohyun needed them anyway since he had perfect grades. Yoojin’s next attempt was the section that was primarily content related to the medical field. A handful of the books were available in the school library, but for those that weren’t, he could make a polite request to the librarian, so he committed anything of interest into his memory. Outwardly, there was no reaction either, so they’d left this store too.

The fifth one they’d reached was a cafe of sorts. It had a few desserts in the glass display window, along with several baked goods. As they approached the cafe to get a closer look, the scent of roasted coffee beans and buttered croissants wafted over to them. Yoohyun had merely mentioned that he was still full from the meal they had earlier and wasn’t interested in dessert since they would be having cake at home later, so they left the general vicinity of that cafe.

Just like that, the day quickly passed them by until evening began to set in. They would wander into different stores, where Yoojin had consistently attempted to show Yoohyun something that might’ve intrigued him, yet there was never any reaction. It seemed like he had declared today’s mission as a failure when he checked the time on his phone.

“We need to go pick up the cake soon,” Yoojin mumbled under his breath, although it was still audible to Yoohyun, who had focused on every word that his older brother said. “What should I do?”

Since it wasn’t directed at him, Yoohyun provided no response.

“Hey, Yoohyun-ah,” Yoojin said. “Was there really nothing you were interested in today?”

“No,” he replied honestly and instantaneously.

Yoojin bit his bottom lip at that, then cupped his chin contemplatively. It seemed like he was assessing between whether they should try a few other stores, or if it were better to abort this mission, pick up the cake and rest at home. He turned over to Yoohyun.

“What do you want to do, Yoohyun-ah? We can go pick up the cake, go see the Christmas lights, keep exploring the stores here — we can do anything you want to do today.”

Every year, the usual routine was that they would see the Christmas lights and enjoy the cake, but they’d skipped the first half of that after their initial encounter earlier in the day.

“Let’s go see the Christmas lights, pick up the cake, then go back home,” he stated.

Yoojin easily accepted that course of action, so they began to head over to the Christmas lights they’d ran past a few hours prior. The two of them exited the department store and as they began to near the general area, the Christmas tree was already in sight.

To Yoohyun, it was simply a proportionately large ornament that resembled a pine tree, wrapped in a messy amalgamation of differently coloured baubles, lights and other decorations, but the sight of it brought a smile to Yoojin and that was enough to make it worth visiting. It was wrapped in a bright assortment of colours, with tinsel strewn across the entirety of the fake tree and the assortment of lights vividly twinkling.

Yoohyun’s arm was tugged forward as Yoojin dragged him closer to the tree, then he lifted his phone in front of them and grinned widely, having nudged Yoohyun to do the same. He gave a soft smile and closed his eyes shut as Yoojin’s hand ruffled his hair, then the sound of his phone’s camera clicking shut resonated a few times.

“Happy birthday, Yoohyun-ah,” Yoojin breathed. “My cute baby little brother, I hope you keep growing big, tall and strong.”

“I might end up growing taller than you though.”

“You little punk. Where do you find the audacity?” Yoojin shot back as he drew away from Yoohyun, then swiped through the photos he’d taken on his phone. As he did so, a satisfied expression painted his features. “My Yoohyun-ie makes any and every angle look good.”

“My hyung also looks good,” Yoohyun added.

Yoojin stared at him pointedly with narrowed eyes. “I told you before that flattery with me won’t get you too far.”

“And I said back then that it wasn’t just flattery, didn’t I?”

“That’s—” Yoojin hesitated, then turned on his heel. “Let’s go get that cake!”

As Yoojin made wide strides forward, Yoohyun had effortlessly caught up to him and they remained by each other’s side.

No matter how many years passed, Yoojin was the same. Even despite how close they were, whether physically or emotionally, there would be times like this, where Yoojin would begin to say something, abruptly cut himself short, then the topic would be changed. Alternatively, there were times when Yoojin would confess his secrets when he believed Yoohyun to be asleep, like that one time Yoohyun had truly fallen asleep in the midst of Yoojin’s talking. He had wondered what his older brother intended to say back then or what he had actually voiced, but the likelihood of Yoojin saying anything while he was remotely conscious was close to impossible.

Even so, it would be fine since Yoojin adored Yoohyun.

The secrets that belonged exclusively to him would, one day, also be his own. He was firm in his belief that anything which was Yoojin’s had also belonged to him, simply by extension. When the timing was right, he wished to make it so that both of their existences — so deeply intertwined — would never be able to live without the other.

Han Yoojin would be Han Yoohyun’s.

Han Yoohyun would be Han Yoojin’s.

It was a distant, unfamiliar reality, albeit one that would’ve been as natural as a human needing blood to flow within their veins for them to truly be alive.

Finally, Yoojin came to a stop in front of a familiar bakery, then he entered the shop entrance with Yoohyun obediently trailing after him. The glass display window had a variety of Christmas-themed cakes, yet that wasn’t what they’d been here for today.

He watched on quietly as Yoojin conversed with the shopkeeper, then they’d gone over to the back of the shop and re-emerged shortly after with a transparent cake box, made of clear plastic, and a red ribbon that had been decoratively wrapped around its whole body. There was a complimentary pack of candles as well, which Yoojin had shoved into his coat’s pocket, then returned back to Yoohyun’s side, whilst the shopkeeper accompanied them and then passed the box to Yoojin as they saw him off.

“Han Yoohyun-ssi, merry Christmas and happy birthday,” they grinned. “Enjoy your birthday with your hyung.”

“Thank you. I will,” he responded.

“Thank you, as always,” Yoojin beamed. He bowed his head slightly and also cautiously, being extra gentle with the cake box that was within his hands.

“It’s no problem for you, Yoojin-ah. I’ll see you again next year!”

“You will! For sure!”

With that, they both left the bakery and had returned back to the cold winds outside. Their home was just down the street, being only a few minutes away, but Yoojin’s gaze was elsewhere, rather than in the direction of their home. Yoohyun followed Yoojin’s eyes, only to see the park that they’d played in when they were much younger.

Within that park, there was a familiar wooden bench, blanketed in snow. Everything else had also been covered in thick snow: the swing, the slide, the little obstacles dotted around the park, and all the other play equipment that Yoohyun had never paid much heed to.

The street lights that oversaw the park flickered slightly, as if beckoning them over, and Yoohyun paced forward in that direction, knowing full well of his older brother’s quiet, unspoken wish. As he passed by Yoojin, he effortlessly took the cakebox off him, and let the edges of his lips curl upward.

“We don’t need to go home straight away,” Yoohyun remarked idly.

“That’s true,” Yoojin laughed, then ran forward to catch up to his little brother and walked beside him. “Just for a while, let’s go back to the park.”

Yoohyun stole a glance at Yoojin. His cheeks had returned back to that familiar crimson, flushed red from the cold, and the small puffs of cold air escaped his lips again. In due time, they would return back home, but for now, they could return back to the days of old.

His older brother, who strolled beside him, suddenly ran forward to what seemed like an empty spot in the snow, only for him to crouch downward and pick up a fallen branch that was approximately half his height. He turned it in his hand, as if he were assessing it, then breathed a small puff onto that hand to warm it up, then began scratching the branch into the snow.

“Hyung, what are you doing?” Yoohyun queried, approaching him and closing the distance between them.

“Just wait and see, Yoohyun-ah!” Yoojin exclaimed.

Yoohyun stared at the marks that Yoojin left on the snow, even if it didn’t make much sense to him.

After some time passed, the continuously falling snow would pile up and cover whatever he was trying to do. Although, in thinking that, there were many things that Yoojin did, which seemed utterly incomprehensible to Yoohyun. He observed the branch that was firmly within Yoojin’s grasp, wondering if there was a possibility he would splinter himself on any broken bits. It didn’t even seem like a factor of consideration for his older brother.

After a short amount of time passed, Yoojin ceased his steadfast scratches of the branch against the snow, then tossed it aside with a relieved sigh. Before the two of them, three letters in English had been messily scrawled out: HBD. It was an abbreviation short for ‘Happy Birthday’.

“Happy birthday, Yoohyun-ah.”

Yoohyun re-read the letters over and over again, then tightened his grip on the cakebox that was with him and let his eyes fall to Yoojin’s hands, which had grown red from being exposed to the cold as well. They trembled ever so slightly, but more than anything else, he marvelled a triumphant expression.

“Hyung,” Yoohyun breathed steadily. “Thank you.”

As he spoke, he could feel cold air brushing past his own lips. With every word that he uttered, he could also see the puffs of air forming in his line of sight. Right now, he wondered what he looked like to Yoojin.

Yoojin flashed a cheery grin back to Yoohyun, then turned his back slightly and extended a single hand into the air. Gently and quietly, the particles of snow that drifted through the atmosphere fell into the palm of his hand and remained momentarily, until it reverted back to its origin, having melted from the faint warmth that still lingered and becoming small water droplets.

Beneath the flickering streetlights, his older brother stood there, almost serenely — being basked in that artificial light. Amidst the descending snow, the vision that was painted before Yoohyun was one that would be forever ingrained into his memories.

Yoojin was dyed in a scattered starlight, like it were a gift presented to him from the crescent moon high above. His soft, yet dark eyes — which were so akin to his own — suddenly seemed different, shining a faint hazel underneath the light, with his obsidian hair being faintly reminiscent of the charcoal ashes that were left behind when a fire had finally dispersed. Only when he was beside his little brother, Yoojin remained forever in the embrace of an unrelenting darkness, sealed away so tightly in such a way that he would have never known of the light that could affectionately shower over his silhouette.

Yoohyun’s moral compass was different from the ethics of society, but as he gazed quietly at Yoojin, he fundamentally understood that his desire was the opposite of ideal. Perhaps, at some point in the future, he would be scorned as wrong or different. 

A bird that had once flown the skies, now being bound to a cage, would die because it longed for the skies it used to traverse. As for a bird that had never known of the world outside, it would remain content within its cage, never knowing of the expansive bright blue sky.

Yoojin was fundamentally human. He was a human that was made to live amongst other humans.

No matter how much Yoohyun wished to claim him, it was likely that Yoojin would never let himself be willingly subjected to confinement for an extended period of time. All that Yoohyun could do was make it so that the circumstances that his older brother was surrounded by were lavishly intricate, so that Yoojin would always return back to him at the end of the day, rather than another.

Hyung, he thought quietly.

If, by any chance, there came a day where Yoojin had no longer accepted him as a part of his world, then he just needed to monopolise him by any means necessary. It didn’t matter: trap him in a beautiful cage, sever his limbs until he could no longer function without his assistance, intoxicate him with substances and give him a dream-like reality, or he could consume him. If he were consumed, then… and only then, could he finally be one with Yoojin.

Yoohyun gasped, having realised his thoughts spiralled, and he shook his head rigorously. He suppressed those thoughts and squashed them back down, trapping them into a space far beyond his mind’s reach.

It was fine. He didn’t dwell on those thoughts because this was fine.

Han Yoojin’s happiness was also Han Yoohyun’s happiness.

If there came a day where Yoohyun had to let Yoojin go, he would accept it, albeit reluctantly.

Yoohyun, who cherished Yoojin to the extent that he would let him go, but for now, he wished that they would be together for as long as they could possibly be together.

“Hyung,” he called quietly, in such a small voice that only Yoojin could hear him, solely because of how close they were. “Let’s go home together.”

Yoojin looked back over his shoulder and saw that the letters he’d scratched out against the snow had already begun to fade, then pet Yoohyun’s head affectionately. “Yeah. Let’s go home.”

With that, they began to trail down the footpath to return back to their place of residence. Yoohyun’s hands, occupied with the cakebox, while Yoojin’s were buried deep within the pockets of his coat, in an attempt to warm them after his prolonged exposure to the cold. Meanwhile, Yoohyun, having been bundled up in layers upon layers, was comfortably warm.

Soon enough, they had made it back home and Yoojin successfully fished out his set of housekeys from his pocket, then made sure Yoohyun shuffled into their home first and followed shortly after him. They left their snow-covered shoes by the entrance, and Yoohyun set the cakebox onto their shared dining table.

“Take a seat,” Yoojin ordered quickly as soon as he’d noticed Yoohyun making his way over to the cabinets to set the table. “Your hyung can make the preparations.”

“It’ll be faster if we do it together though,” Yoohyun argued, then picked up two spoons and a knife from their drawer of utensils, and set them onto two plates that he had retrieved from another cabinet. “You can at least let me do this much.”

“This cute little kid of mine is growing up so quickly that he has the audacity to talk back,” Yoojin grumbled under his breath. “Not just once, not twice, not even thrice, but several times at that…”

Yoohyun laughed softly. The only role model he had in his life was his older brother, so wasn’t any behaviour he exhibited rather telling of the person that raised him?

Soon enough, Yoohyun had claimed his usual spot at the dining table, while Yoojin held a gas lighter in his grasp, albeit he’d set it down shortly after and began to unfurl the red ribbon on the cakebox to reveal a proportionately large cake. Between the two of them, it might’ve taken them some time to finish, but it was topped with whipped cream and fresh fruits that had been stylishly portioned into eight different sections, ranging from kiwis, berries, citrus fruits, and more.

In the centre, Yoojin carefully set down one large candle, then surrounded it with seven other candles. A large candle, indicative of the decades he’d been alive for, and then the smaller candles for the years that came after that. After he’d pressed those candles into the cake, Yoojin flicked off the kitchen lights and immersed the two in darkness.

Yoohyun’s vision adjusted quickly to these sorts of things, but he heard Yoojin’s fingers scramble against the table slightly to find the lighter. Once he had found it, the familiar click resounded and a small flame was birthed at the edge of the lighter. He hovered it over each of the candles, just like he did every year, then he set the ignition down and excitedly clapped his hands, then began to sing a familiar tune.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,” he sang happily. “Happy birthday to you, my dear Yoohyun-ie… happy birthday to you.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

“Don’t forget to make a wish.”

Yoohyun clasped his hands together and squeezed his eyes shut as he made a wish to spend the rest of his days with his older brother, then he inhaled and blew steadily, extinguishing each of the candles. As the fire dissipated, the only source of light faded and they were surrounded by darkness once more.

It was quiet.

A moment of silence between the two remained, almost heavy in the air, despite neither of them making a move, but that was exactly what had been odd.

Usually, Yoojin would lift himself from his chair and he would turn the lights back on, cut the cake, and then, they would stay up for a little together, until it was his scheduled bedtime and Yoojin would tuck him back into bed, like he were allowing them to briefly relive a moment of the past. He wondered if Yoojin was designating the light-switching to him, although he would’ve said something if that was the case.

As he parted his lips, in an attempt to speak, he heard Yoojin’s voice instead and clamped his mouth back shut.

“Hey, Yoohyun-ah.”

It was barely audible. If there was even another sound, Yoohyun wasn’t sure if he might’ve been able to hear it.

“I know it’s your birthday, but would you listen to hyung’s ramblings for a little?”

“Ok, hyung.”

“You’re such a cute, kind, good kid,” Yoojin murmured quietly. “Maybe it’s because you’re that way that you’re always saying nice things to your hyung.”

Instinctively, Yoohyun leaned in slightly, trying to catch every word that came from his older brother’s trembling voice. He spoke in such a way that made it seem like he was just talking to himself, rather than anyone else.

“You always say you only need me, but I’d like you to expand your social circle. It’s good to have other kids your age. It would be nice if you brought home a couple friends or a cute girlfriend too. Hyung doesn’t mind… I really don’t… at least, that’s what I wished for—” Yoojin paused, like he was hesitating, then continued slowly. “Even though I know it’s selfish, I want to celebrate your birthday next year with you too. Next year, the year after that… and even the year after that one too, and also the years after that too.”

“Me too,” Yoohyun responded. “That’s what I wished for.”

He wanted to spend his forever with Yoojin, so by extension, that meant all of his birthdays in the future also belonged to Yoojin. He squinted his eyes in the darkness. While his vision had certainly adapted, Yoojin’s face was downcast. What sort of expression was he making right now?

“...Really?” Yoojin mumbled. “You know that if you say a wish out loud, it won’t come true?”

“It’ll come true,” Yoohyun insisted. “Next year and all the years that come after it, I want to spend them with hyung. Not just my birthdays, but—”

“Since you’re still young and have a small social circle, being with me for so long might’ve made you feel a little disoriented,” Yoojin said flatly, cutting him off abruptly.

With that, Yoojin lifted himself from his seat and stood upward. As he did so, the chair being dragged against the floor of their home seemed louder than ever, and suddenly, light flooded the kitchen area once more when Yoojin had flicked the switch.

Unlike before, Yoojin faced Yoohyun with a smile. An earnest expression painted his features. It was like the moment prior had never happened.

Yoojin was trying to maintain the fragile peace that existed within their home, but it came at the cost of his own feelings, and perhaps, even Yoohyun’s own. They both maintained that delicate balance, whether intentional or not, and if a crack began to form, then Yoojin would immediately mend it. After having tired himself out from fixing parts that had already been broken once before, he had slipped and confessed one of his desires, but it was so fleeting that it was just another easy fix.

One day, Yoohyun might’ve had the opportunity to hear Yoojin’s thoughts again, but for now, he decided he would contribute in maintaining this equilibrium on the verge of breaking its balance. He would keep biding his time, until the right moment struck and it could all collapse at once.

He stared blankly at the slice of cake that was set before him, then spooned a moderate portion into his mouth. He chewed almost robotically, like it was a chore, and reciprocated the affection that Yoojin directed towards him.

“Thank you, hyung. I love it.”

“Is that so? It does look like that,” he laughed. At those words, Yoojin pulled a couple tissues from the tissue box and held it out towards Yoohyun. “You have whipped cream on your face.”

Just as Yoohyun reached out to take the tissues from him, Yoojin’s hand retreated backward slightly.

“Come here. It’s your birthday, so let hyung take care of you just for today.”

“Ok, hyung.”

Yoohyun leaned forward, letting Yoojin wipe the sweet cream away from the edges of his lips. It was completely on purpose.

Even if Yoojin didn’t wipe his face, he could let his fingers brush against Yoojin’s by accident when he intended to grab the tissues on his own since his older brother would also reach for them too.

Just for tonight, under the pretense of it being his birthday, Yoojin would indulge him.

Surely, it would remain like this next year too, and all the years that came after that.