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Standing behind those big white and gold doors was extremely scary for Doriane; she was about to present himself to the king, in hopes of marrying into an even wealthier family. She hated the entire outfit she was in — the pure white, French silk dress was uncomfortable against her skin, too stiff, too structured and longer than she was used to. The train attached to the back of her shoulders is long, heavy, equally as structured as the dress and is covered in loads of unnecessary trim, lace and beads that form the Mercedes stars. Her shoes were uncomfortable too since they weren’t broken in. There was also the god-awful ostrich feather that was stabbing into the back of her head through her extremely annoying Apollo's knot thingy hairdue. Oh, and don't even get Doriane onto what she was wearing underneath; her mother, Susie, had insisted that she get some new chemises, petite coats, silk stockings and stays (short and long) since she was officially debuting into society. Both the chemise and stays were quite tight since they hadn’t had time to stretch a bit, and she was used to her old ones, which she had worn basically her entire older child years. Since she never had the pleasure of growing at any point past the age of 13.
The thing that interrupted her outfit and situation-hating thoughts was the Lord Chamberlain Jenson announcing her.
“Lady Susie Wolff presenting daughter Doriane Pin Wolff”
The big white and gold doors were open now; she could see King Hamilton sitting on the state throne with his dark, piercing eyes as he tried to see which debutante could impress him. She could see the rest of the London aristocrats, or the Ton, as many referred to them. After quickly coming to her senses, Doriane slowly — but not too slowly — began walking down the aisle, making herself look put-together and graceful for the King. She could feel everyone's eyes on her; she was the first-ever daughter born into the Mercedes Family, so her presence was a massive deal. People have been waiting for this day.
As she reached the king, she slowly came to a stop, curtsying deeply in respect; the left ball of her foot was behind her right ankle as she slowly lowered her head and torso, keeping her posture as straight as possible — even a slight bend in her back could be seen as disrespectful. As she rises carefully, she sees a glint of something in his eyes. After she is fully standing again, she walks off to the left, eyes looking for someone in particular. A girl. A girl named Abbi Pulling, she was hard to miss in a crowd, with her long, silky brown hair and those gorgeous brown eyes; her dresses always fit her perfectly — especially around the bust, even though she wasn’t meant to take glances there — Only thing is she cant see Abbi, she shouldve been there with her sister Nina, but she could only see Nina. Doriane was slightly disappointed that she couldn’t get a glimpse of Abbi, but she had to continue walking away.
“Ok, Dori, that's your coming out done; next it's your first ball tonight”, Susie says, leading Doriane towards their carriage. “ We need to make sure you look gorgeous "
Doriane was buzzing with excitement, standing there in front of her mirror still just in her chemise, stays, petticoat and shoes, watching one of her ladies' maids get her dress ready, while her other finished her hair, by doing these tight ringlets that framed her face, matching the chignon on the back of her head. Today was her first ever ball. She normally didn’t like big social events, but every woman in her life so far has talked about them like they're the best thing you can ever go to, you can make friends, dance to your life content, there's food, laughter there’s ….
“Doriane”, Doriane snapped out of her daydream when her one other lady's maid called out her name.
Let's get you in this dress, darling,g” she says, walking over with the dress in her hands. Both lady maids steady her with one hand each as they help her stand in the dress before pulling the baby blue dress up and over her shoulders. The logset process was going to do up all the brass hooks and eyes up the back before tying the ribbon around her just under her bust, the colour matching the one in her hair. And with that, the look was done; she was adorned in bay blue from her gloves to the mini flowers in her hair. She looked amazing, but most importantly for any girl, she felt amazing.
Oh my girl, just look at you, you're finally a woman,” Susie said, standing behind her, her eyes wet, herself already for the ball.
Oh dont cry, ma, I'm still your little girl. Anyway,s we have a ball to attend,” Doriane said, unable to hide her excitement as she headed towards the entrance foyer where her father and her brother were waiting for them
You already? Toto, her father asked while fixing a piece of her hair
Yup.” Excitement is still evident in Dorianes
Why are you in blue? Our family colour is red. Kimi called out from the stairs — Kimi wasn’t able to go to the balls yet as she was still too young, so he was taking pleasure in
Because I wanted blue, there's nothing wrong with it. Doriane say firmly while walking away before adding,g. “ anyway dont you have bedtime to get to”
Hey!! She could hear Kimi come pounding down the stairs after her, but she just kept walking towards the carriage waiting for them so it could take them to the ball.
As she follows her family into the ballroom, she is purely amazed that Lady Bovy did such a good job at decorating for her annual ball; there was pink and white everywhere, in the flower arrangements and in details in the curtains, and the refreshments. They were greeted at the entrance by Sarah, where Doriane was given her first-ever dance card, which was pink and white with little flowers — she was going to keep it forever.
Mother? Can I go, wander around the ballroom and talk to other debutantes? Doriane questions while tying her new dance card around her wrist.
“No, you must go with George so he can find you a dance. George, come here and start introducing your sister to people”, Susie says, leading Doriane towards a group of men who were standing in a little circle on the side of the room.
“Hello boys, I thought I might take the pleasure of introducing you to my sister Doriane,” George says, pushing Doriane forward so she can't escape.
Well, hello, Miss Doriane,” Lord Norris said, bowing slightly and kissing Dorian's gloved knuckles.
Good evening, Lord Norris,” Doriane said quietly while cursing George's existence.
May I have this dance, my lady? He asked with his hand extended
Doriane really wanted to say no. Lord Norris was nearly nine years older than her. She didn’t want to dance with him. It was her first-ever ball; she was in her first-ever ball dress. It was going to be her first-ever dance as women she didn’t want to spend it with some man 9 years older than her.
I would love to, Lord Norris,” she says, trying to put on the fakest smile she can muster while taking his hand and leaving for the dance floor.
As she dances around with Lord Norris, Doriane finds herself once again looking for Abbi; she desperately hopes that she is here. She wants to talk, she wants to make dumb jokes, giggling, she wants to lay her head on Abbi's shoulder, arms around each other — like they have always done. As the band continues to play, Doriane starts to lose hope about Abbi being there, or she did until she felt a gloved hand run across her back. As she turns to see whose hand decided to take a trip across her back, she comes face to face with someone very familiar. Abbi. Doriaen feels her face absolutely light up, and she sees Abbis do the same thing.
As soon as the song ends, Doriane says goodbye politely to lord Norris and heads to the corner of the room, hoping to find Abbi again. She barely got to the corner when she felt those arms wrap around her again.
Hello Doriane, I love your dress. You look so pretty tonight,” Abbi said, hooking her head over Dorian's shoulder.
Abbi, I love yours as well,” Doriane said, pushing Abbi back partly so no one would question them and partly so she could see the dress better.
Pink has always looked good on me,” Abbi said, swaying back and forth a bit to show off the sparkle on the dress. “You looked pretty this morning at your coming out.”
You were there, I was looking for you
Mhm, I was pushed to the back a bit, but I could see you clearly.
The dress was so annoying and so stiff and so itchy, and the feather, I hated it. I could go on and on about how much I hated it. Doriane said, exclaiming every word.
I know you could, but instead of complaining, how about we go dancing, you know, the thing we are actually here for”
That doesn't sound like too bad of an idea, Abbi
Lets ho then.
~~~~~
As the evening arrived, Doriane was exhausted. She had been forced all day to talk with suitors who came to their house, their drawing room, with flowers and chocolates. Lord Hadjar, Bearmen Aron Mini, Bortoleto. She didn’t care about them; none of them was interesting; they didn’t care about writing or literature or painting like Doriane. All they cared about was money and status, which made Doriane's disdain for them even more apparent. But as the day came to an end, she had one more visitor, one she was looking for, Abbi.
As soon as Abbi entered the drawing room, Doriane was pulling her back out of it and towards her room. Already decided that they didn’t need her family watching them. Abbi questioned what was going on, but Doriane just didn’t answer; she just held Abbi in her arms.
Doriane feels Abbis ' hand quietly rub against her waist before moving up, over the slight bump of her chest, before dipping over the edge.e
What are you doing? Doriane asks, gasping as Abbi's hand moves, attempting to move even further down her stays.
I'm showing you pleasure, so just hold still,” Abbi whispers into her ear, taking her hands off of Doriane's bust.
Doriane does as she is told, holding herself still, continuing to look Abbi in the eyes. It took a minute of staring before Abbi tugged Doriane closer and connected their lips. It was nothing like Doriane had ever experienced before; Abbis ' lips were soft, and she tasted like strawberries. She felt Abbi pull their lips apart to breathe before she felt them again, this time on her neck. She could feel Abbi kissing and dragging her teeth around the top of her dress all over her bust. Doriane couldn’t stop herself from making all these little breathy noises she didn't even know she could make.
So lost in the moment, Doriane didn’t even notice Abbi lifting her dress and undergarments until she felt two careful fingers touch the softest part of her. All she could do was gasp, moving her arms around Abbi's neck to keep herself steady. Looking at Abbi back in her eyes, Doriane connected their lip again, still feeling the soft fingers move back and forth, making pleasure build up low in her stomach. Until Doriane broke the kiss again with a gasp, head tilted back with her eyes glossy, feeling wetness on her thighs and the pleasure in her stomach slowly depleting. She kept her head tilted back until she felt Abbi's hand in her hair pushing he head back forward.
Oh my god, I have never felt so much pleasure in my life,” Doriane said, all breathy.
“That make you feel good, baby?” Abbi questions hands running up and down her sides.
Doriane just nodded; she was still slightly out of it, very confused at what had just happened. “That Doriane is called an ‘arriving’; it’s the most pleasure a girl will ever experience”
“I feel pleasure whenever I am with you, Abbi,” Doriane whispered against Abbi's lips, eyes fluttering gently.
Abbi just chuckled gently, her grip tightening on Doriane's dress “ Oh, how I wish you could be mine”
Oh, how I wish you were mine,” Doriane answered back, looking Abbi dead in those big brown eyes still standing there, arms around Abbi's neck, wetness still on her thighs.
They both knew the way of the world they lived in, but they often did like to dream.
~~~~
Doriane was just chilling in her room reading her new novel Abbi gave her, The Brothers, or the consequences, when one of the family maids came bursting in.
Your mother wishes to see you in her drawing room.
Her one? Whatever for? Doriane questioned because she never gets to go into her mother's drawing room, and when she did, it was normally not good.
She did not say
Was she pleased
“No” Was all she got before the man bowed and left the room; that made her feel even worse. Her mother wanted to see her in her own private drawing room and was not pleased. This was the day that Doriane died.
Doriane” Susie said as Doriane walked into the room
Mother” was all she could muster; the air was already tense, and that was just making Doriane feel even worse.
I know what's going on with you and Miss Pulling” It was said cold and plain, but it still made Doriane's blood go cold. She knew deep down that they were going against society, but she didn’t care. She loved Abbi.
Mother, just listen for a moment, please,” Doriane begged, trying to get through to her mother.
No, what you two are doing is sick and twisted. I dont care if you love you, you will not marry her. Women Do Not Marry Women. It was said firmly, trying to make a mark on what Susie saw as Doriane's dumb rebellion.
But why do men get to marry men? Why can't I marry who I want to marry?
It's just the way of life, Doriane, men have power; they have status, women can only gain status by giving men children. It's all we are built for; you can't change that. I won't allow you to either; you won't be the one to lower this family's status. If I even see you with Abbi in a close manner like that ever again, I will make sure she is never to be seen in London again.
Doriane froze at that. She stood in the middle of the drawing room, looking at her mother, for once not with the love a mother and daughter have. “You can't. That's not fair”
Yes, it is Doriane! You will not ruin this family! Now get out of my sight,” and you will be marrying Lord Hadjar by the end of the month.” Susie said in the peak of her anger, standing up so she stood taller than Doriane
Doriane ran out of the drawing room in a state of upset. As she made it to her own room, she was struggling to breathe from her upset. She could grasp why she couldn’t love Abbi. There wasn’t anything wrong with love; it was love! No love is wrong or right.
~~~~~
Doriane was just chilling on her bed in her simple white nightgown, re-reading the novel Sense and Sensibility, when she heard some odd taps on her window. She tried to ignore it, but it continued to persist, so she begrudgingly got up. To her surprise, though, as she opened her curtains, she saw none other than
Abbi! What are you doing here?
Run away with me, Dori, please.
Abbi, I don't know if I can…. I love you, I do, I really do
Come on, you dont love him, Dori, let me take you to Paris, let me have you.
Abbi…
Dori… please
I'm sorry, Abbi, I .. I just can't. I am the first girl to be born in the Mercedes family. They will hunt us down, and they will kill you. I dont have a choice.
They will what?
I thought you knew when you turned up. I was gonna tell you differently, but mother knows. And she is not happy.
Dori, just leave with me, let's go to Paris. It doesn’t even have to be Paris. I will take you back to somewhere else in France, Spain or Germany. Just let me make you happy for once in your life!
I would rather we be near each other but married to others than
No, you're not, and you know it. You have been unhappy your entire life living in that house, and you know that you will be unhappy marrying Lord Hadjar.
I'm sorry, Abbi, but I don't know if I could live without you, so I'm not willing to lose you.
Why couldn’t we just be men? Then there would be no choice.
Men always get the easy way out; it's unfair.
~~~~~
Did you hear that Miss Pulling is finally getting married? Doriane heard her mother start up a conversation with the dressmaker.
Oh, finally, he debuted a year or two ago; that's so late, she's 19. There are reasons why most girls get married in their first season. They get too old otherwise.
I know she finally accepted Lord Doohan's proposal,” Suise said with pure amusement directed at Doriane wholly.
What I still want to know is who she was chasing.
Chasing?” Susie asked, putting down the roll of fabric she was holding
Miss Pulling was chasing some lover; we believe it might have been some lower-class gentleman, but she has seemingly come to her senses and is going to be married well. Her family could do with a status boost.” She can feel her mother's eyes on her at that comment, but Doriane just kept her eyes away.
She was standing on the pedestal listening to them patronisingly talk about Abbi; she had to blink several times fast to stop herself from bursting into tears. She wished she were in the wedding dress that she would marry Abbi in, but at last she is to marry lord Hadjar. In that moment, she could only feel dread in her stomach; it was less than a week now. Less than a week till she loses the life she has always known.
~~~~
Doriane stood there in her pale pink wedding dress, still stiff and uncomfortable, a new pair of stays on underneath. As her mother insisted. This should be the happiest day of her life, but instead she feels like drinking arsenic, so she can die a long, painful death and make people think it was some other disease. She is marrying a man she doesn’t love and will be forced to go to bed with him tonight. She had debuted at the beginning of the social season, and now, near the end of the social season, only a matter of months later, she was standing there getting married to a boy she didn’t love. At that moment, she wished she wasn’t such a coward and had just gone with Abbi on the train up to Paris; maybe then she would be happy. Maybe they would both be happy instead of getting married to men they don’t like.
But at last, at the end of the ceremony, she will say “I will” and walk out of the church hand in hand with her husband. Ready to go oversee his house, his maids have his children plan balls and hot dinners while making sure everyone is using the correct spoon. Just as she had been taught by her governess, her mother and every other woman she had met. A life she had been taught to dream of, but a life she had grown to despise.
If only she had been a man, could she have loved anyone who caught her eye?