Chapter Text
I.
A breeze heavy with the scent of fish and diesel blows into National City’s port. The night is dark but the city lights flicker playfully in the distance, casting long shadows out towards the docks and buildings lining the water.
The district is quiet with the exception of one warehouse, its exterior bathed in harsh industrial spotlights. The roof is teeming with police and crime scene investigators collecting evidence of what was surely intended to be a catastrophic terrorist attack. One figure stands apart from the chaos, half hidden in the shadows.
Lena wrinkles her nose, pulling up the collar of her trench coat to block the wind before shoving her hands back in her pockets. She doesn’t spare a glance to the cacophony around her, instead focusing on the nearby National City skyline. In Metropolis the skyscrapers rise off the sea like jagged teeth, defensive and impenetrable. But the sprawl of National City glows like a beacon: warm, inviting, alive.
It makes Lena wonder what it would have looked like if her mother and Cadmus had been successful. Her thoughts are interrupted when a detective appears at her elbow.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, Ms. Luthor. I just need you to write down your statement over here and then we’ll get you home and out of the cold.”
“Of course.”
Lena follows the detective across the rooftop. She passes a team of forensic scientists examining the rocket launcher. The launch key is still engaged.
The warm approval in her mother’s eyes when she handed Lena that key had been unexpected. Lena is aware that she’s secondary in her mother’s eyes, no matter how hard she works to please her. Lex’s achievements are met with jubilation, his shortcomings forgiven. Meanwhile, Lena’s efforts are met with cool indifference; even her successes with the company earn only the most begrudging respect.
Not long ago, Lena shadowed Lex around Luthor Corp’s labs finishing projects or salvaging whatever research and technology she could to put towards her own initiatives. She’d hoped to convince him of the importance of the other work Luthor Corp did, that he could help people if he would just give up his vendetta against Superman, but in the end she couldn’t reach him. She should have seen her mother’s hand in that.
When she reaches the warehouse stairs, Lena hesitates. She moved L-Corp to National City to leave the dark stain on the Luthor name behind. She gave the company a new name, new vision—even a new color scheme: white for new beginnings, for clean hands, for good intentions. White that speaks of accountability and transparency; the antithesis of everything presumed to be Luthor.
As Lena scans the rooftop crime scene for the final time, she’s reminded that the Luthor name is associated with evil for a reason. Lena wishes that the world could understand that what binds her family together is not an appetite for destruction, but ambition and the will to follow through no matter the cost. Her mother never misses an opportunity to remind Lena that she’s not a Luthor, but Lena saw the pride in her mother’s eyes tonight as she was led away in cuffs. Maybe she’s finally proven the woman wrong.
Lena turns her back on the roof and follows the detective down a set of stairs to the street. They pass through a group of police vehicles, stopping at a van that appears to be the field headquarters of the investigation. Someone hands Lena a pad of paper and the detective leads her to a makeshift table. She briskly scribbles her account of what happened before turning to the detective and handing him the paper and pen. “Anything else?”
The detective consults the paper, nods, and sets it back down. He points to the empty line at the bottom of the page. “Just your signature there,” he says.
Lena pauses for a moment, reads over her words. She takes a breath, imagines her mother in a cell like Lex, her father buried in the ground. When the officer hands her the pen, she signs ‘Lena Luthor’ with the solemn gravity of a death certificate. She is an orphan again.
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II.
An officer gives Lena a ride back into the city. She has him let her out a few blocks from her apartment; she’s wearing one of her more practical pairs of heels (if such a thing exists) and she desperately needs the air.
The streets are quiet and Lena takes her time, heels clacking loudly off the pavement. While she waits at a crosswalk, Lena looks up at the buildings stretching up above her into the night sky. She tilts her head slightly, and from this angle it looks like the buildings might fold over and swallow her. Fleetingly, she wonders what it would feel like to be crushed under layer upon layer of concrete and steel.
She cuts through the park. It’s late but Lena still encounters the occasional jogger or dog walker. She’s content to be alone with her thoughts when she hears soft laughter from down the path. A couple sits on a nearby bench, heads bent together and hands intertwined. They’re so wrapped up in each other they don’t even notice Lena passing by. She can’t help but recognize the electricity between them, the excitement of something new beginning. Lena would know: she feels it every time she thinks of Kara.
At first Lena thought it was a passing crush; Kara is a beautiful woman and Lena, well, Lena does have eyes. Initially, Kara’s visits were just a welcome break from the monotony of her work, someone new to talk to who isn’t on her payroll. Running L-Corp means Lena has to be on her game at all times and as the head of the company she can’t exactly relax around her colleagues. Lena didn’t really intend to let her guard down around Kara, but Kara is so genuinely unassuming and Lena just feels good when Kara’s around. It doesn’t help that when Kara smiles at her Lena feels a sunrise blooming between her ribs.
So she’s given Kara access, measured her words less carefully, and let Kara see her as Lena rather than just the new Luthor at the head of L-Corp. She’s caught herself thinking about Kara in quiet moments, wondering if Kara might feel the same. Lena remembers the thrill of the first time she caught Kara staring, it was while she was explaining some mundane detail about L-Corp technology. Kara tried to play it off, adjusting her glasses to hide the blush creeping up her throat and across her cheeks. Lena pretended not to notice and spent the rest of the conversation just trying to control her breathing.
After that Lena had known she needed an excuse to see Kara outside the office, to make it clear she wants something more than to just be the subject of Kara’s reporting. When she asked Kara to come with her to the gala she thought she’d have the chance to make her intentions more clear, but that plan was derailed less by Kara’s third-wheeling intern Matt (or was it Mike?) than by the alien gang war on the dance floor.
But then Kara showed up at L-Corp asking about Lena’s mother. Rationally Lena knows Kara has to do her job as a reporter, but when Kara came in with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes, pen at the ready, hovering over her seat like she was ready to bolt out of the office to break the story at any moment…well, Lena knew exactly what was going on.
The barely concealed hurt on Kara’s face at Lena’s sudden dismissal barely even registered. Lena was too busy observing in Kara the same urgency and vague insincerity that so often accompanied journalists looking for a story, or worse, those who’d already found one and were looking to confirm it. Lena had certainly seen enough of that when the press caught wind of what was really going on with Lex and Luther Corp. But what could Kara have known? Lena’s mother kept no confidences, no one knew anything about her plans.
Not until...Supergirl.
Supergirl who showed up at Lena’s office to tell her that her mother worked for Cadmus. Supergirl who claimed to have been recently kidnapped. Supergirl who knows Kara. Kara who Lena hasn’t heard from in the few days – since Lena all but chased her out of her office…
Lena stops walking.
Kara is Supergirl. She’s an alien.
Lena starts to pace as she thinks through this incomprehensible hypothesis. She starts with her last encounter involving both Kara and Supergirl: the gala. Kara was there for a while, but when the fighting started she’d disappeared again and Lena didn’t see her for the rest of the night. Supergirl had appeared in Kara’s stead – and she’d lingered at the scene afterwards. The two are never seen in the same place. Lena recalls the way Kara hesitated when Lena invited her to try the alien detection device...but Kara passed. Lena frowns, slowing to a halt.
Lena is suddenly aware of the concerned looks being sent her way by passersby, so she quickly exits the park and continues in the direction of her apartment. In all their previous meetings Supergirl has been poised, confident. But tonight was different. There was no bravado as she strode through the balcony door, if anything Supergirl looked nervous. She seemed almost ashamed to be asking about Lena’s mother, arms crossed defensively over that giant S on her chest. Lena remembers the way Supergirl flinched, the subtle dip of her chin when Lena suggested that Supergirl might target her next. Underneath the suit and the swagger, the details are all Kara.
The realization hits her like a punch in the gut and Lena runs abruptly to empty her stomach into the nearest trashcan.
She doesn’t even notice she’s in front of her building until the doorman greets her – too caught up in her thoughts to register going up and letting herself into her empty apartment. She doesn’t bother to turn on the lights as she moves into the kitchen, contemplating a glass of wine. God knows she deserves it.
But then Lena remembers her mother’s last visit to her office, how disdainfully she’d looked at Lena over her own glass. She thinks of Cyborg Superman throwing a huge chunk of concrete at her head in the L-Corp lobby, and how Supergirl had stepped in front of her at the last moment. She remembers Kara sitting in her office, telling her she’d changed her mind and that there might just be some bad aliens out there.
How could I have missed this? Lena steadies herself on the counter. She forces her legs to carry her further into the apartment, moving through the shadows to take off her heels and her coat. When she makes it to the couch she lies down and closes her eyes. She pretends not to feel the tears when they come.
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III.
When Kara arrives at L-Corp the next morning the building is full of its usual bustle of scientists and business people. Everything seems normal except for the construction crews repairing all the broken glass and miscellaneous damage from the night before. Kara hadn’t realized just how big of a mess they’d made. A wave of embarrassment passes over her as she walks through the lobby, careful not to touch anything.
As she approaches the elevators, Kara passes two men struggling to lift the remnants of the concrete L-Corp logo and winces involuntary at the memory of flying through it a few short hours before. It seems longer than that, but it’s probably just because Kara spent the rest of the night on Barry’s Earth getting lectured by a broody Robin Hood, mind controlled into destroying a superweapon, and chasing Dominators across the space time continuum with some nice people she’s pretty sure are felons in multiple dimensions. Just thinking about the multiverse makes Kara tired. And hungry. She wonders if Lena has any bagels stashed in her office.
The elevator ride to the top floor feels like an eternity, and Kara finds herself feeling increasingly nervous.
It’s not that unusual, there’s always been something about seeing Lena that just makes Kara feel...tingly. When they first met Kara had been curious, if a little intimidated, by Lena’s intellect and ambition. But Lena is always gracious and thoughtful, and Kara really wants more with her than a series of interviews. Not that she’ll ever get it; Lena is an exceptional woman and Kara is, well, Kara.
But still, she can’t help but notice the way Lena’s eyes always linger on her lips when Kara’s talking, or the way she always seems to be looking for an excuse to see Kara outside of the office. Kara can tell Lena enjoys the time they spend together for work even if they don’t always agree on whatever they’re discussing. Lena seems open to Kara’s views in a way Kara never expected, and Kara briefly wonders how Lena would react if she told her the truth. Lena seems to genuinely like Supergirl, last night’s talk notwithstanding.
Helping save Barry’s Earth hasn’t left Kara much time to process what happened, or to think about what Lena’s actions last night mean. Kara has always believed, or at least wanted to believe, that Lena is on Supergirl’s side regardless of what Alex and the DEO may think. Even so, she didn’t expect Lena to cross her mother in such a direct fashion, and, despite her best intentions there was a moment as Lena turned the launch key when Kara had doubted her, too.
A rush of guilt floods through Kara when she thinks of the look on Lena’s face as her mother was taken into custody, the familiar mask of confidence crumbling as she turned away from the scene. Lena looked so young and sad, so far from the self-assured woman Kara first met with Kal. Kara had wanted to go to her then, to tell her she was sorry, that she deserved a better mother than Lillian Luthor had ever been.
But that isn’t Supergirl’s place, and there’s no reason why Kara Danvers would have been at that warehouse. Lena was alone.
The thought turns Kara’s stomach just as the elevator chimes for Lena’s floor. She quickly adjusts her collar to better conceal the suit underneath, and as she steps off the elevator Kara accepts that the prickling feeling in her palms isn’t a product of her usual anticipation, but something more like dread.
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IV.
Lena stands with her back to the door, arms folded as she gazes out over the city. She looks striking in the mid-morning light, but when Lena turns around Kara sees the dark circles under her eyes covered by makeup that doesn’t do quite enough. Kara gathers her courage and steps towards the other woman. “I saw the news about your mother’s arrest. Lena, I’m so sorry.”
Lena doesn’t smile, doesn’t offer Kara a seat as she steps out from behind her desk. “Why are you here?” Lena’s voice is steady, but the anguish in her eyes is unnerving. Kara tries to maintain her composure, reaching up to straighten her glasses.
“I just wanted to see how you were.” Lena hardly seems to hear her, eyes searching Kara’s face. Kara holds her notebook to her chest, trying not to let her hands shake. “What happened?”
Lena looks away, voice devoid of any emotion. “I helped send the only family I have left to prison. Nothing out of the ordinary for us Luthors.”
Kara takes a few steps toward Lena, she wants to take her hand, to hug her, but everything about Lena stance is defensive. “I’m sorry. I know what you did couldn’t have been easy, but I’m sure it saved a lot of lives.”
Lena scoffs. “What I did?” She steps towards Kara, fixing her with a sharp, appraising look. Kara tightens her grip on her notebook, suddenly feeling like she’s missed something important. Lena continues, “You come in here to interview me about my mother, who has no involvement in L-Corp, and then a few days later Supergirl shows up to tell me my mother is involved with Cadmus and to give me a pep talk about not following in the family footsteps. You’re a journalist. You don’t think that’s...convenient?”
Oh. Kara swallows hard as Lena walks a slow circle around her. It feels predatory, and Kara suddenly finds herself wondering if Lena has access to any of Lex’s research. She’s never considered it before, but the thought sends a jolt of cold fear up the back of Kara’ neck. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Of course you don’t.” Lena stops, her expression still hard. “You know, when she came to me last night, for a moment it felt like I was talking to you.” Lena steps closer, eyes searching her face. Kara looks away. “And now you’re here, standing right where she was with your notebook against your chest like a few pieces of paper and a pair of glasses could hide who you are. I don’t know how I didn’t see it earlier.”
“Lena I--”
She stops short as Lena takes the notebook from Kara’s trembling hands, setting it on the closest chair. For a moment Kara wonders if Lena is going to try something. But when she turns to face Kara, Lena’s hands are empty.
There are tears in her eyes as she says, “Kara, please. I have lost everything. My family, maybe even the good name of my company. I don’t have anything left. Let me have the truth.”
Lena’s hands reach for the top button of Kara’s shirt and Kara feels helpless to stop her. She hears Alex’s voice in her head telling her this is a mistake but Kara is so tired of hiding from Lena, who has only ever been honest with her.
On top of that, Lena is right. Kara was so concerned with stopping Cadmus, with getting to the bottom of whatever Lillian Luthor was planning, she hadn’t considered the fallout for Lena. In the end it was Lena who saved the day, saved her life, J’onn’s life, and the lives of every alien in National City. But now here she is alone with her grief, while the media congratulates Supergirl and the FBI.
So Kara lets Lena unclasp one button, then two. She can hear Lena’s heart is hammering just as hard as her own, but she can’t bring herself to look at her face. At the third button Lena’s hand stills. Kara knows that behind the fabric of her shirt Lena must see blue and bright red. Her mouth suddenly feels like a desert. She swallows, forces the words out anyway. “I’m sorry.”
Kara dares to glance down at Lena, who shakes her head as the first tears fall. Lena runs her fingertips over the top of the House of El coat of arms, over Kara’s heart. “Supergirl,” she whispers with a sad smile. “The brightest light in all of National City.” She steps back, her eyes finally meeting Kara’s as her hand falls away. Kara has never felt so exposed.
“I wanted to tell—“
“You’re supposed to see the best in people. But I saw the way you looked at me. You thought I was going to do it, to kill everyone. Like my mother would have. Like Lex.”
Lena covers her mouth with one hand to stifle a sob and Kara feels her stomach drop through the floor. She reaches for Lena’s other hand, desperate to make this stop. “Lena, I meant what I said. You’re not like your mother. You’re not Lex and I’m not my cousin. We don’t have to make the same mistakes.”
Lena doesn't move and Kara takes a tentative step closer, carefully wrapping her arms around the other woman. Lena releases a shaky breath, resting her head on Kara’s shoulder. They linger in this embrace for a moment, Lena’s breath warm against Kara’s neck. Kara thinks about kissing her, telling her it won’t happen again, that she trusts her. But before she can move Lena is stepping back, hands shaking as she begins slowly re-buttoning Kara’s shirt.
“It’s too late. Here we are, a Super and a Luthor, with nothing between us but lies.” She finishes with the top button of Kara’s shirt, smoothing her collar back into place with a tenderness that steals the breath from Kara’s lungs.
“Please,” Kara whispers. She has already decided she’s not too proud to beg.
But she doesn’t get the chance. Lena steps back, folding her arms around herself as she turns away from Kara. “You should go.”
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V.
Kara steps out of the L-Corp building and buttons her jacket straight to the throat in what she knows is a futile attempt to smother the regret trying to claw its way out from inside her chest.
It’s not as though the extra layer will keep Kara from feeling the burn of her family crest against her sternum, or that it will erase the memory of Lena’s hand hovering over her heart. The finality of it all is overwhelming and Kara’s sorrow is quickly shifting dangerously close to rage.
She strides down the block. Away from L-Corp, away from Lena. She calculates her footfalls: not too heavy, not too light, just right to kiss the fragile pavement. But her hands are already balling into fists and she fights the urge to smash them through a nearby car.
Kara keeps walking and tries to focus, to think human. But all she sees when she closes her eyes is the sorrow on Lena’s face and Kara is so tired of doing the math when it just doesn’t add up.
So, she flies.