Chapter Text
The apartment was immersed in a state of peaceful silence. The lights in most of the rooms were off, with the exception of a few hallways. In the living room, the only illumination came from a warm yet dim table lamp. The TV also cast a faint glow, quietly playing the sound of rain. A coat had been tossed over an armchair, a sock lay on the floor, and a steaming mug rested on the coffee table. Everything was perfect for Lily to write another one of her comforting novels. She knew that, and that very awareness was what tormented her.
Her body rested right in the middle of the couch, her legs crossed, and a laptop sat on a cushion resting on her lap. It displayed a blank Word document. Lily's fingers hovered over the keyboard. Over the course of the past hour, she had written a few sentences, but one by one they had all been deleted. Writer's block wasn't exactly new to someone with ten years of experience as an author, but it had never lasted this long. For an entire year she had searched for inspiration for her new book, yet nothing ever seemed good enough.
Lily described her stories as nothing extraordinary, just people living their lives and casually falling in love. Her first book was independently published when she was only nineteen years old. By luck or fate, it became a bestseller, just like most of the books she published afterward. That first novel had been in the making since she was sixteen, entirely based on a crush she had silently harbored and that was never returned. Even so, it wasn't a sad story. In fact, it was what she wished had happened instead of the dull, harsh reality.
Since then, it had become a habit for her love life (or lack thereof) to turn into books. Lily falls in love, experiences those feelings in silence, the other person never finds out, and in the end it becomes a story. But admitting that is far too painful, so she prefers to tell others, and herself, that she's simply unlucky in love. Now it seemed that bad luck had spread to her creative process as well. For months she had barely left her apartment, doing nothing but trying to create her next success, only to find frustration. Today, Lily had decided she wouldn't close her laptop until she came up with an idea. Her eyes already burned, and she had made no progress.
Suddenly, a sound appeared. Not very loud, but certainly irritating.
It was a damn power drill!
It was absolutely unacceptable. The time when that kind of noise was allowed in the building had already passed. Lily looked around, trying to figure out where it was coming from, and realized it was upstairs. Of course her upstairs neighbor would make the situation even worse. She simply squeezed her eyes shut and tried to ignore the noise. After taking a deep breath in through her nose and slowly exhaling through her mouth, Lily brought her fingers back to the keyboard. Her eyes barely even blinked as she stared at the screen. That whining sound was simply impossible to ignore.
"Argh!"
Finally, her fingers began typing, and she wrote:
Oh Haewon is the biggest...
Deleted.
If I could, I would...
Deleted.
How I wish I could just...
Deleted.
Lily huffed and placed the laptop on the coffee table with more force than she intended, though she didn't even notice. She stood up with determination and marched toward the door with heavy steps. The same force she had used to set the laptop down was applied when she slammed the door behind her. Her head was held high, her posture that of someone who knew she was absolutely right. As she approached the elevator, she had to jog a few steps or she would have missed it, but the moment she stepped inside, she resumed her impeccable posture.
While riding the elevator, Lily repeatedly tapped one foot hard against the floor. Her arms were crossed, and her eyes anxiously watched the numbers change. Soon the elevator stopped, and the doors opened. Lily continued her furious and confident march until she stopped in front of a door she wished she didn't know so well. Her index finger quickly found the doorbell beside it and rang it once... twice... three... four... five times.
"I heard it the first time! I'm coming!"
Footsteps quickly approached, and the door was abruptly opened. Lily's posture faltered slightly when she came face-to-face with Oh Haewon. She decided it was safest to take a step back while looking anywhere but at her.
"Oh, it's you," Haewon said calmly.
"Yes, it's me. You should know why I'm here." Lily emphasized every single word.
"Let me think..." Haewon took a step forward, wearing a sly smile. "Do you need me to get rid of another cockroach that showed up in your bathroom?"
Lily gasped and crossed her arms.
"That was months ago, and you... I... argh!"
Haewon let out a quiet chuckle and leaned against the doorframe.
"No, I came to complain about the noise your infernal drill is making!"
"And you couldn't have sent the complaint in the building's group chat?"
"No. I know you. I'm sure you'd just ignore it and pretend it wasn't your fault."
"Well, I bet you won't believe me, but it really isn't my fault."
Lily let out a sarcastic laugh and rolled her eyes.
"It's been like this since high school. It's never your fault, is it?"
Haewon sighed and crossed her arms as well.
"Tell me one single time I didn't take responsibility when I actually did something wrong."
"That science project. Our group's volcano failed because you used the wrong substance."
"Because you, Miss Morrow, bought the wrong substance."
"See? Like any lawyer, you dodge the blame and put it on innocent people."
"Excuse me?"
Haewon took another step forward, raised her index finger right in front of Lily's face, and drew in a breath to fire back with an equally sharp response, when suddenly...
"Is everything alright, girls?" asked an elderly woman standing in front of the apartment across the hall, holding a power drill.
Lily abruptly turned around and found herself face-to-face with the woman. Her intimidating posture completely crumbled, and her mouth fell slightly open.
"Y-yes, e-everything's fine," she said, swallowing hard afterward.
"You know, I was trying to hang a new shelf in my living room, but these walls are terrible to drill into," the elderly woman laughed. "It was a monumental effort for nothing. When I stopped to take a little break, I saw a notification from the building's group chat, and someone complained about the noise. Silly me, I completely forgot what time it was. But I didn't bother you two, did I?"
"Not at all!" they both answered in unison.
"That's a relief. Good night." The elderly woman went back into her apartment and closed the door.
Lily swallowed hard, painfully aware of just how embarrassing that had been.
Before she could even turn around, she felt a smack on the back of her head.
Her body spun around instantly, but the door was immediately slammed shut right in her face. Lily huffed and slapped the door.
"Childish!"
"Idiot!" came the reply from inside the apartment.
Lily sighed as she dragged her feet back toward the elevator. Her shoulders slumped, and disappointment was written all over her face. Ever since they'd met, she had no idea how Haewon always managed to get away with everything. She seemed infallible, always one step ahead. Even the fact that her apartment was directly above Lily's felt like part of some grand plan to keep her enormous ego inflated. Always above. Always in control.
As the elevator descended, Lily recalled every single time Haewon had gotten the better of her. She hated the fact that her high school friends were also friends with the most conceited student in school, Oh Haewon. They knew each other extremely well. They had shared years of their lives together, though never by choice. When high school ended, Lily believed she had finally freed herself from that arrogant girl.
What a bitter coincidence that they ended up attending the same university. The fact that they majored in completely different fields should have helped keep them apart. Unfortunately, somehow they ended up in the same circle of friends all over again. Finally, as if to prove Lily could be just as unlucky as she was lucky, when she moved into that apartment building two years ago, someone showed up at her door holding a container of kimchi. She wore a smug smile and welcomed her with a sarcastic tone.
Oh Haewon was her curse.
[...]
Lily tugged the hem of her dress down as she looked at herself in the mirror. She was still trying to decide whether it was too short or if she had simply gotten out of the habit of wearing anything other than tank tops and sweatpants. Probably the latter. Lily hadn't gone out for this kind of occasion in quite a few months. It wasn't just the dress that made her uncomfortable, the makeup and her loose hair also made her feel strange looking at herself. She looked far too beautiful to be... just herself.
Lily simply sighed and accepted what she saw. There was no point regretting it now that she was already at the bar anyway. It was just another one of the many invitations from her friends. They never gave up trying to drag her out of that apartment. This time, Lily had finally given in. After the scene she had caused that morning, all she wanted was to be anywhere else. Her friends celebrated as if they had finally won. Little did they know that Lily had only accepted because she wanted to escape a feeling far worse than the one that had been haunting her for the past few months.
She took a deep breath and slowly let it out before finally heading toward the restroom exit. As she stepped out, another woman walked in at the exact same moment. They bumped into each other, and both of their handbags fell to the floor. They quickly crouched down to pick them up, and then Lily looked up and finally got a good look at her. She was a beautiful woman, with deep eyes and jet-black hair. It was exactly like that that the protagonists of Lily's fourth novel had met.
The two women slowly stood back up with their handbags in hand. Lily gave her an awkward smile and clutched her bag tightly.
"I-I'm so sorry."
"You'd better be! My new phone is in this bag. If it had broken, you'd be buying me a new one!"
The woman walked away and entered one of the stalls. Lily swallowed hard and felt her heart sink into her chest. She simply froze as she tried to process what had just happened.
"Hey, move!" Another woman appeared, this time trying to leave the restroom.
With little choice, Lily stepped out. As soon as she reached the main area, she saw Kyujin enthusiastically telling a story. Her sharp eyes practically sparkled. Meanwhile, Yoona simply listened, taking the occasional sip of soju. Lily quietly took her seat at the table.
"So I got out of the car absolutely furious..." Kyujin continued her story. "The rear bumper was completely wrecked. Then he started blaming me. I couldn't even believe it. I threatened to call the police-"
"Kyujin..." Yoona cleared her throat. "I'm really sorry to interrupt your story, it really is interesting... it's just that I... um... I've been trying to work up the courage to tell you something important. I think I finally have, and I'd like to take the chance."
Kyujin simply smiled gently. Anyone close enough to Yoona knew it was rare for her to share details about her personal life. When she said she wanted to reveal something important, it really was important.
"It's okay, unnie. Go ahead."
"Okay, thank you." Yoona took a deep breath and slowly let it out.
Lily started paying closer attention. Anything coming from Yoona was a big surprise.
"Girls..." She sighed softly and smiled with quiet satisfaction. "I'm getting married."
"Getting married!?" the two asked in unison.
"When?" Kyujin asked.
"Better yet, to whom?" Lily blurted out, sounding even more flustered than Kyujin.
Yoona let out an embarrassed little laugh as she scratched the back of her neck.
"You know... I've been dating someone for a while..."
"How long?"
"A few years."
"A few years!?" Once again, they spoke in unison.
"Yeah... I wanted to wait until it became more serious. Then I waited to see if it would last. In the end, we got engaged last week, so I decided it was finally time to tell you."
"You're unbelievable," Kyujin exclaimed. "Don't you trust us?"
"It's not that! It's just... honestly, I never expected everything to happen so quickly. Life just... happened. I swear I wasn't trying to hide anything... I just forgot to tell you."
"What's her name?" Lily asked, still trying to process the news.
"Bae Jinsol."
"That's a rather unusual name for a woman," Lily pointed out. "She is a woman, right?"
"Yes! Yes! She's a woman," Yoona said between laughs.
"Show us a picture of her," Kyujin demanded more than asked.
Yoona rolled her eyes, but pulled her phone out of her pocket and searched through her gallery for a photo. A moment later, she held the phone up for her friends across the table.
"She's gorgeous!" Lily exclaimed.
"She really is. But this announcement was so sudden that I'll only believe it when I see it," Kyujin said as she leaned back in her chair.
Yoona's cheerful expression quickly turned into a pout, and she hurriedly put her phone away.
"Well, you will see, because I want both of you to be my bridesmaids."
"Seriously!?" Kyujin immediately broke into a huge smile and leaned over the table.
"So now you suddenly believe I'm actually getting married?"
"People can change their minds, you know."
"Well, I can already tell you're going to say yes, but what about you, Lily?"
Lily had been almost completely lost in her own thoughts, but Yoona's voice pulled her back to the surface.
"What? Of course!" She forced the biggest smile she could manage. "Of course I'll be your bridesmaid."
"Thank you, unnie. It means a lot."
Lily let out a quiet sigh through her smile and took another sip of soju. The other two quickly became engrossed in the conversation again, but Lily deliberately stayed behind. Her mind was racing, doing what it always did whenever she felt something too intensely, trying to turn it into words. This could become her next novel: a story about an unexpected love, revelations, and the race toward a wedding.
No. Yoona was her friend. Her life wasn't meant to be turned into books and sold for profit. What Lily should be in this situation was a good bridesmaid, not a writer. But the truth was, it hurt to experience those emotions without the filter of words to soften the impact. Watching another one of her friends get married felt so wonderful, yet so suffocating. With every new wedding, Lily felt herself falling further behind. Once Kyujin and Jiwoo got married, she would officially become the group's hopeless single woman.
Since she couldn't turn it into another literary success, she decided to empty one, two, three, four, five... several bottles of soju instead. At different moments, both of the girls told her to slow down, but she ignored them. There was no one waiting for her at home. No one to worry about her. Lily could drink as much as she wanted because she wouldn't be giving anyone a headache because of it. Her cold, empty bed was waiting for her, just as it did every night.
"Girls, I'm getting a little tired." Kyujin stretched her arms with a yawn. "Besides, Jiwoo should already be home. She's probably waiting for me so we can go to sleep. She can only fall asleep while hugging me."
Lily closed her eyes and took a long gulp of soju.
"You two are way too clingy," Yoona commented with a laugh.
"You're not exactly in a position to criticize other people's relationships."
Yoona raised both hands in surrender.
"Lily-unnie..." Kyujin called gently. "I'm heading home, okay?"
"Hm?" She widened her eyes and raised her eyebrows. "Sure, sure, Kyujin. Get home safely, okay?"
"Okay."
She stood up with her handbag, but before turning around to leave, she quietly asked Yoona if she would take Lily home. Yoona simply gave a subtle nod.
As soon as Kyujin left, Yoona gently took a bottle from Lily's hand. Lily tried to hold onto it, but she was so out of it that she gave up without much resistance.
"Unnie, I think it's time for us to head home."
"Hm... you're right, you're right... I'll call an Uber."
"No, you're not."
"Alright then, I'll get a taxi."
"No. I'm taking you home. You've had way too much to drink."
"What? No, that's ridiculous."
"What's ridiculous is how many bottles you've emptied. I'm not letting you go anywhere alone in this condition."
"But I'm older... I'm your unnie... I demand to go home by myself."
"You'll be going home by yourself in the back seat of my car, deal?"
"Hm... you're so annoying, Yoona."
Yoona could only chuckle quietly. It was impossible to take Lily seriously in that state. Her face was flushed, her eyes were nearly closing, and her cheeks were adorably puffed. She looked absolutely adorable, at least in Yoona's opinion.
[...]
A walk from where the car had been parked to the building proved challenging. Lily had one arm draped around Yoona's neck, while Yoona held her firmly by the waist. As they approached the stairs leading to the entrance, Yoona spotted Haewon, who was also making her way toward the steps.
“Haewon!” she called, making Lily immediately lift her head and search for where her annoying neighbor was.
“Oh, hello...” Haewon approached the two of them. “Yoona and... Lily?”
“A very drunk woman, but yes, it's Lily.”
“Not that it's hard for Lily to get very drunk,” Haewon said, letting out a small chuckle afterward.
“True, but this time she really went overboard. Could you take her inside?”
“In your dreams!” She took two steps back. “She's your friend, not mine. Besides, I'm not a babysitter.”
“Don't be so selfish, Oh Haewon! Just get her safely to her apartment.”
Haewon stared at the two of them for a full minute, but Yoona held her gaze. Yoona knew she could trust Haewon, especially when it came to her drunk friend. She had gone to law school with Haewon, and for a few months during their first semester, the two of them had carried on a secret fling that no one — not even Lily — knew about. That had been enough for Yoona to realize that Haewon was soft-hearted beneath her tough exterior. It had also been enough to realize that whatever they had would never have worked out, because it was obvious Haewon had already fallen in love with someone else.
“Fine, I'll take her inside, but you owe me one.”
“Whatever you say.”
Haewon stepped closer and wrapped an arm around Lily's waist, making her let out a grunt. Then she pulled one of Lily's arms over her own shoulders. Yoona gave them a little wave and left. Haewon sighed and began dragging that body inside with great difficulty.
As they crossed the lobby, rode the elevator, and walked down the hallway, Haewon was forced to endure the smell of alcohol and an endless stream of chatter. The scent seemed to cling to her as well, and the words made little sense. Or maybe Haewon simply lacked enough context to understand them. Lily wouldn't stop talking about marriage and someone named Bae Jinsol.
For a moment, Haewon felt a tightness in her chest when the idea that Lily might be engaged to a woman named Bae Jinsol crossed her mind. But she quickly shook her head and dismissed the ridiculous thought. Lily was an old maid. Everyone knew that. She would probably never get married.
When they finally reached Lily's apartment door, Haewon was met with one rather significant problem. She had absolutely no idea what the door code was.
“Lily, what's your passcode?”
“And I'm curious about what color... you know... the bridesmaids' dresses... are going to be. What if it doesn't suit me?”
Haewon rolled her eyes. She was still rambling.
“Focus, Lily. The passcode! The passcode!”
Lily lifted her head, and Haewon looked at her. Their faces were only inches apart. Haewon could clearly see Lily's eyes growing redder and filling with tears.
“Don't talk to me like that,” she whispered.
“What are you going to do, cry?” Haewon let out a small laugh, but was caught off guard when a tear really did roll down Lily's cheek. Yeah, definitely not the time for teasing. She tightened her grip around Lily's waist. “I'm sorry. Please tell me the passcode. Is it your birthday or something?”
“None of your business!” she sniffled, and one or two more tears slipped down. “Just leave me here! I... I'm going to sleep in the hallway!”
Haewon sighed and started leading her back toward the elevator. Lily simply followed along without even realizing it. Though the firmer grip around her waist certainly helped.
“I told you! Leave me here!... I'll sleep in the hallway! That's where I belong! The floor will be my mattress and-”
“You're sleeping in my apartment,” Haewon stated flatly, silencing Lily at once.
Fortunately, that walk was much shorter, though no less exhausting. Carrying someone, smelling alcohol, and listening to drunken nonsense was tiring no matter the distance.
When she reached her own apartment door, Haewon quickly entered the passcode. Once inside, she shut the door, slipped off her own shoes using her feet, then leaned Lily against the wall before kneeling to remove her shoes. As she worked, she looked up, and their eyes met. This version of Lily seemed so different from usual: vulnerable, tearful, and flushed.
Haewon's hands simply stopped removing the shoes before she even realized it. Her eyes remained fixed on the woman standing above her. She was so focused that she jumped slightly when Lily raised a hand and gave her head two little pats. The smile on Lily's face perfectly hid the fact that she had been crying only minutes earlier.
“I'm not a dog for you to pat me on the head,” Haewon grumbled as she finally pulled those damned shoes off. Lily didn't seem to hear a word.
Once she stood up, Haewon supported Lily once again and guided her toward the bedroom. When they got there, she dropped Lily onto the bed, earning another grunt.
“Sleep here. I'll take the couch. If you need anything, just yell.”
Lily didn't answer. She only stared at her intently.
“Did you understand me, Morrow?”
“Hm?”
Haewon huffed and rolled her eyes.
“Did you understand what I just said?”
“Mhm.”
Haewon merely nodded and dragged her feet toward the door. Before leaving, she flipped the light switch, plunging the room into darkness.
When she reached the living room, she really did collapse onto the couch. She was exhausted. Not just from hauling someone around, but from spending the entire day at the office. For a brief moment, she considered turning on the TV and watching something mindless to unwind, but her brain was so drained that even the dumbest show imaginable felt like too much.
In the end, she simply stayed there with her eyes closed, breathing calmly. Most of the apartment lights were already off anyway. Her clothes were the least of her concerns. She was sleeping on the couch; the occasion hardly called for comfortable pajamas. All she had to do was lie there, and soon she'd drift into a peaceful, restorative sleep, and—
Suddenly, a weight crashed down on top of Haewon, making her let out a loud grunt of pain and surprise. Her eyes flew open, and she found Lily lying on top of her.
“Lily! Are you trying to kill me?”
Haewon fell silent the instant a loud sob echoed through the room. The body on top of hers was trembling. She could feel the area just above her chest becoming soaked with warm tears.
“Yoona... Haewonnie... Yoona...” Lily murmured quietly.
“What? I don't understand.”
“Yoona! Yoona's getting married!” she blurted out, and her sobbing intensified.
Silence filled the room, broken only by sobs and quiet crying. Haewon swallowed hard as she searched for something to say.
“Good for her?”
Lily sniffled twice and rubbed her face against Haewon's shirt, making Haewon feel warm and awkward.
“Do... do you know... who's getting married after her?”
“Who?”
“Kyujin!” The crying erupted all over again. Lily wrapped her arms around Haewon and squeezed her tightly. “To Jiwoo!”
“Lily...”
“I'm such a terrible friend!” Lily lifted her head and bumped it rather hard against Haewon's ribs, making her grunt in pain once more. “I... should be... happy! Happy! But I... I wanted to write a book, you know. A book so I could forget.”
“Forget what?”
“That no one will ever love me.”
Haewon squeezed her eyes shut. After a minute, she slowly lifted one hand and rested it against the woman's back. She held her gently, her thumb beginning a soft, almost imperceptible stroke.
Little by little, Lily's sobbing began to calm. Since it seemed to be working, Haewon made the gentle caress more noticeable. The sobs and sniffles gradually faded until almost complete silence settled over them.
“You know...” Lily whispered hoarsely. “Everyone always says... Wow Lily!...'”
“Oh yeah?” Haewon asked, despite having absolutely no idea what she meant.
“Yeah, they say that. They say... I make them believe in love. Love! I don't even... believe in it myself! Do you know why?”
“Why?” Haewon's grip on her back tightened.
“Because no one has ever wanted me. No one... has ever... wanted to love me. Do you know what that's like?”
Haewon remained silent.
“I wanted so... so much... to be happy for them. It's just that... I... haven't been very happy... lately.”
Haewon could no longer hold herself back. She lifted both hands to Lily's head and gently raised it, cupping her face with both hands. Her thumbs lightly brushed away the tears still falling.
“Do you think I'll ever manage it?... Someday?”
“What?”
“Get married.”
“Of course. Of course you will. Maybe lots of people have already been in love with you, and you just never noticed.”
“And you?” Lily completely ignored the encouraging words. “Would you marry me?”
A sly smile spread across Haewon's face as she gently squeezed Lily's cheeks.
“Oh Lily wouldn't suit you.”
“But Oh Jin would.”
Without warning, Lily leaned in and stole a quick peck from Haewon's lips. Then she settled back down completely, burying her face against Haewon's chest, while Haewon remained frozen with her lips slightly parted and her eyes wide.
A laugh began to fill the room, light and bright, completely shattering the mood from moments before. Lily laughed like a little girl who had just stolen a kiss from her first crush. Haewon was completely flushed and dumbfounded. Without realizing it, she let out an incredulous little laugh of her own and squeezed her eyes shut.
“Don't ever do that again.” She gave Lily's back two little pats, which only made Lily laugh harder and hug her even tighter. “You hate me, and when you remember this sober, you're going to be furious, understand?”
Lily only snuggled in even closer.
It was unbelievable that Lily Morrow truly believed she wasn't lovable.