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“you’re staring again.”
juun rolled her eyes as a-na plonked herself down on the floor next to her with that ominously mischievous smirk on her face.
“i am not.”
“you absolutely are”
“i said i’m not”
“juun you’ve been gazing in the same direction for 5 minutes straight and there’s only one person sitting there.”
by this point, juun honestly accepted her defeat, because she knew that if anyone could read through her like a sheet of glass, it was her same aged annoying friend roh yuna.
“she just looks tired, i’m concerned” juun said flatly.
“stella unnie always looks like that when she’s resting” a-na replied calmly as she munched on a snack she stole from ian just a while earlier.
but juun knew this was different.
this wasn’t stella’s resting face. this was the expression she kept when she was hiding her exhaustion.
and this ability to read between the lines when it came to stella was what made it complicated.
crushes were supposed to be obvious, at least according to juun’s mental analogy.
you find someone cute, you start feeling butterflies for them, you accept that you like them, if you choose to confess then you bear the consequences regardless.
at least that’s what she had always thought, until a stella sized predicament appeared in her life.
her attraction to stella was different, because juun had realised there was a much deeper layer to this than just crushing on her.
it started off with noticing. extreme noticing.
juun found herself observing all of stella’s habits — the way her expressions changed when she ate good food, the way she looked when she was intensely focusing on something, the way she would sometimes do english to korean translation as she spoke because she would forget how to say a word in korean.
juun didn’t want to remember all this, but she did. subconsciously.
but she also started noticing stella’s habits that were not obvious on the surface.
the expressionless look she had when she was tired.
the way she would raise her eyebrows and sharpen her tone if she was starting to get mad.
the way she would try to fake it through when she wasn’t feeling good.
it was noticing these raw parts of stella that made juun realise just how deeply she had fallen for the older.
because now it was no longer noticing, it was analysing. and this wasn't as easy as juun claimed anymore, because it just added a new layer of depth to her already complicated feelings.
“you know staring at her like some heartbroken female lead isn’t gonna do anything right?” a-na teased, which earned her a hard slap on the shoulder from juun.
“OUCH OKAY I GET IT” a-na whined, shoving juun’s hand away.
juun glanced back at stella, and that moment, the older met her eyes too.
she smiled, but something felt different.
it felt..forced. and juun caught on it instantly.
she started rummaging in her bag, earning a curious look from a-na as she pulled a chocolate bar out.
“wait…isn’t that the brand stella unnie loves?” a-na pointed out, scrutinizing the bar in juun’s hand like it was a science experiment.
“how do you know?”
“i’m her roommate silly of course i would know i think i see at least 5 of these next to her bed every day”
truthfully, juun just didn’t want to admit that she knowingly always kept this specific brand of chocolate in her bag after stella mentioned once that it was her favourite.
“must be a coincidence” she mumbled before standing up to walk towards stella, and she greatly ignored the teasing look a-na was shooting her from behind.
“unnie” juun called out softly as she approached stella.
when the older looked up from her phone, that was when juun saw her expressions properly.
stella smiled faintly, trying to mask whatever tiredness was showing on her face earlier.
“hey” she replied, patting she spot next to her for juun to sit.
juun sat down quietly, before sliding the chocolate into stella’s hand.
“here”
stella’s expression shifted instantly, and now juun saw her smile. the real, genuine one.
“how did you know this was the chocolate i liked?” stella asked, holding the chocolate tightly in her hands, as if it was something precious that she couldn’t let go of.
“you mentioned it that time in the waiting room...and you looked like you needed an energy boost and i had this in my bag-“
juun’s train of thought was cut off once she felt stella’s hand slide into hers that rested on her lap.
and that instant juun couldn’t shake off the thought that stella’s small hand somehow fit perfectly in hers.
“you’re so cute juun” she whispered, moving closer to the younger.
“thank you for always looking out for me” stella said into her ear as she rested her head on juun’s shoulder.
juun debated whether to say something, but she felt like this was what stella wanted.
just someone to lean on, to rest for a second from whatever was clouding her mind.
she told herself it was just because she was the one who came up to stella first.
nothing special, nothing exclusive.
and as she held stella’s hand back tighter, her mind was solely thinking of the older.
juun knew that no matter how many times it hurt seeing stella act the same with the other members, no matter how much she had to resist the urge to scream out her feelings for her, no matter how much restraint it took to stop herself from crossing a boundary — she would still keep showing up.
because stella mattered.
juun loved her and respected her too much to stop looking out for her.
and that transcended any romantic feelings for stella that juun had suppressed in her heart.
-
neither of them started noticing the point where something was shifting between them.
because it wasn’t a revolutionary moment. it had just happened naturally.
skinship.
juun wasn't big on touching. she didn't hate it, but it just wasn't her thing.
stella on the other hand had physical touch as her top love language. she loved giving the members hugs, holding their hands, squishing their cheeks, maybe sometimes even brief cheek kisses.
juun was used to watching it from afar, and pretending that seeing stella act touchy with her members didn’t bother her when in fact it did.
way more than it should’ve.
at least, that was until she experienced it for herself.
stella always approached her gently, like something fragile she was afraid of breaking, and that somehow only made juun appreciate it more.
she would lean into stella’s backhugs, squeeze her hand tighter when she held hers, smile even brighter when she caressed her cheek.
anybody would’ve expected juun to laugh it off or playfully push her away, because that’s how juun would act if it was literally anyone else.
but this was stella.
stella dahyun kim.
the one girl juun would totally buy a lifetime supply of cupcakes and brownies for if she asked nicely enough.
stella's touch always made her heart race, but in a good way.
because juun found herself missing it more and more. missing stella more than she deserved to.
before she knew it, juun started orbiting around stella.
not that she never used to look for the older before, but she started finding her for specific reasons.
hugs, words of encouragement, sometimes just to hold her hand and calm down after a tiring day.
stella had become juun’s escape from the tiring realities of their profession.
and of course, stella had started noticing it too.
"i'm glad you feel comfortable opening up to me about your thoughts" stella said softly during one of their late night talks in an empty dance studio.
juun laughed softly as she rested her head on stella’s shoulder.
“you make it easy” she replied, her hand finding stella’s hand on her lap and intertwining their fingers loosely.
stella smiled.
she was starting to grow fond of these late night talks with juun, because in some way…it made her feel like she wasn’t alone either.
stella wasn’t good at expressing her feelings, but sometimes just knowing juun was there, knowing that juun was quietly looking out for her...that was the best form of assurance.
“stella unnie…”
“hm?”
“you know you can talk to me too right?” juun said softly, playing with stella’s fingers as she spoke.
stella simply observed the younger’s cute habit that had been coming out more recently when they spent time together.
“you always hide your feelings from us when you’re upset” she continued, her voice cautious but gentle.
“you’re always there encouraging me when i feel down..you always make me smile when i'm tired..”
juun finally looked the older in the eye.
“but i want to be there for you too so you don’t need to go through your own tough days alone.”
hearing that line from juun tugged at something in stella’s heart.
under the dim lights in the dance studio, with how juun was holding her hand and looking at her with so much sincerity, stella felt something snap inside her.
just a little.
“sorry i think i’m talking too much..” juun said softly with a small chuckle.
stella squeezed juun’s hand that was holding hers, and used her idle hand to run through juun’s hair.
“no you’re not…not at all” she whispered, her eyes never leaving the younger.
juun froze.
with how quiet the studio was, she was starting to worry that stella would hear how loudly her heart was thumping in her chest.
their close proximity, the way stella was admiring her like she mattered, the fact that juun ideally never wanted this moment to end.
it was something neither one was used to…but slipped out naturally.
too naturally that it felt normal.
“you’re so precious juunie” stella whispered with a shy smile, her hand slowly moving down to trace juun’s face.
honestly stella didn’t know what she was doing, but it just felt right.
this intimate moment with juun late at night in this empty studio with no one else to see them - stella was starting to realise she was liking this a little too much.
she laughed to herself before leaning closer. closer than she had ever done with juun.
she brushed her nose gently against the younger's, before planting a small kiss on it.
juun felt a wave of heat rush up her face because THAT? was totally unexpected.
with a light pink hue dusted on her cheeks, stella couldn't stop looking at juun.
“thank you for always being here” she whispered as her finger kept lazily tracing patterns on juun's face, and juun simply let her.
she greatly ignored how her face was probably red from the heat of this moment, because juun wanted it to last forever.
she wanted to memorise the way stella was looking at her, the way she touched her, the way her hand felt in hers.
because she knew they had crossed a boundary now…and that came with a risk of losing stella too.
-
juun was lazing around on her bed just after midnight.
it had been a busy week packed with schedules, and definitely a serious lack of sleep for all of them.
but for some reason, now that she was on her bed and had the next day off to sleep as much as she wanted, she just couldn’t fall asleep.
her mind was filled with stella.
again.
it was always stella these days.
the older had been acting odd all week - she kept zoning out more often, skipping her meals saying she wasn’t hungry, and staying in her room when they got back despite usually being the first one to initiate some random group activity.
being her roommate, a-na tried her hardest to talk stella out of it, but she soon figured the older just wanted some time to herself to clear her headspace.
but juun hated seeing stella like this, and she didn’t know what to do to help her get through whatever she was feeling.
just then, juun’s phone buzzed and the screen lit up.
stella: juunie..
stella: are you asleep?
juun immediately sat up on her bed, embarrassingly fast that she felt her neck crack a little as she got up.
juun: unnie i’m awake
juun: are you okay?
typing...
stella: i was wondering...if you could come over for a bit?
stella: it's okay if you don't want to
stella: it's just, i really miss you
juun felt her heart drop for a second in her chest.
it wasn't about stella saying she missed her, it was about what she was going through to make her say that.
and if stella needed her, juun knew she was going to be there no matter what.
that was always her number one priority.
juun: of course
juun: i'll be there in 5
-
juun dialled in the password to the electronic lock of the other dorm and entered quietly.
she had briefly heard a-na's boisterous laughter from yuha and ian's room earlier in her dorm, which meant stella was alone in her room right now.
"unnie?" juun said softly as she walked into stella's room and closed the door behind her. the older was sitting on the edge of her bed, evidently deep in thought about something until she noticed her.
stella smiled, but it was tired. not as bright as her genuine one, and juun noticed that instantly.
juun moved to stand right in front of her, and stella’s hands instantly wrapped around her waist.
“i just wanted to see you” she whispered, resting her head against juun’s body as the younger held her close.
"unnie..are you okay?" she asked softly.
stella laughed, but not at anything funny.
it was the kind of laugh she had when she didn't know how to reply.
"if i say i'm not...you'll worry about me again" she said, her voice slow and laced with a hint of caution.
"i don't want you to keep worrying about me juun" stella's voice dropped to a whisper as her grip tightened around the hem of juun's shirt.
juun felt her heart hurt in her chest.
"why do you always act like your worries aren't important?" she asked, her finger gently tracing stella's jawline.
"because i don't want to be a bother..to the members, or to you"
juun was quiet, giving stella the time to share what was on her mind.
"i keep worrying a lot recently, about my performance, how i look, what i say, what i do....i'm always worried about not being good enough" stella said slowly, the hesitation evident in her voice.
"but i'm already 20...i should be able to handle my emotions myself right? so i just keep trying to be independent and understand my emotions"
"but i guess...now i realised how important you've been for me on these tough days juunie"
juun felt her heart skip a beat.
"you always look out for me, say nice things to me, spend time with me..even when i don't ask for it...and that makes me feel bad sometimes because you shouldn't have to keep worrying about me..."
juun nodded, caressing stella's cheek softly as a sign of assurance.
"but at the same time....i think i realised how much i want you to be there beside me because your presence is enough for me to feel better on bad days...but i know it's selfish to want all of you when i don't deserve it..i just don’t want to lose you” stella whispered the last part, clinging to juun's shirt as if any looser would make her slip away.
juun's heart was racing and her head was flooded with a million different emotions exploding at once.
because stella just revealed something that...juun herself had felt towards the older this past entire year.
stella was enough to make any horrible day feel better, and make her good days feel like the best days of her life.
she was the only thing she ever needed...and juun managed to convince herself that it was too selfish of a desire because losing stella was the last thing she wanted.
subconsciously amidst her deep thought, juun's gaze dropped lower towards stella's lips.
she had tortured herself with this imagination way too many times that it was honestly embarrassing.
but now, late at night, intimately with stella holding her so tightly like she meant something to her — juun was finding it harder to resist the devils in her head.
"are you hearing yourself right now?" juun whispered.
"i sound kinda stupid don't i.." stella replied with a small laugh.
and juun saw it.
the way stella glanced down slightly towards her lips as she was speaking.
noticing this completely shattered juun's train of thought because now this presented an entirely different idea for her to think about.
"you're not stupid at all...and your worries are never a bother" juun replied, her voice firm while masking the crazy thoughts that were zooming past her brain.
"you think that you're being selfish..."
juun paused for a second to organise the million different thoughts in her head.
there were more than enough hints dropped now...she only had to take the risk to do something about it.
"but i want that. i want you to be selfish about me because...that's exactly how i feel about you too."
stella's expression was paused like that of a still frame, so much so that juun could literally see the gears turning in her head to process the words that just left juun's mouth.
juun's eyes drifted downwards again.
she couldn't help but stare more now that she had crossed the biggest boundary yet in their relationship.
juun needed someone to put her on a restraining order right now, but that was not happening.
fuck it.
juun bent down and planted a small kiss on stella’s lips, catching the older completely off-guard.
“juun…” stella whispered, staring straight into juun’s eyes.
but the younger never stopped looking at her lips, and that unlocked something dangerous in stella.
she was the older one.
she was supposed to be rational, know that this was a mistake and that she should stop it before it evolves into something worse.
but stella realised that feeling juun’s lips once was making her crave even more.
“you can’t just do that and expect me to be normal about it” stella breathed, her hands shakily guiding juun to sit on her lap.
juun’s face was burning after that slight loss of control, but with stella’s reaction, this moment was starting to feel a lot more real.
“what if i don’t want you to be normal about it?” juun asked softly.
stella looked into the younger’s eyes which were burning with a mix of love and desires.
and suddenly thinking coherently became the hardest thing in the world.
stella wanted to convince herself that this was a moment of weakness, but that was becoming increasingly impossible with how hard her heart was pounding in her chest.
she knew she had nothing figured out.
she knew this was risky.
but in her heart, this felt right.
and for stella, that was all that mattered.
she leaned in and kissed juun.
possessively, desperately.
like she was chasing after something that she could lose any minute.
and juun was stunned.
absolutely taken aback.
because this reality was a million times crazier than every embarrassing late night fantasy she ever had about kissing stella.
the older's lips were way softer than she could imagine, and felt perfect against her own.
juun slowly wrapped her arms around stella’s neck as the older gripped the hem of her shirt tightly in her hands, the kiss never losing it’s rigour.
every stolen glance.
every minute spent secretly worrying about the other.
every contemplation about whether they would lose each other if they crossed a line.
all of that restraint they had been forcing on themselves broke away that instant as stella kissed juun hard, like she was the only thing that mattered in that moment.
stella’s hands started roaming the younger’s body, tracing her waist up her back until one hand gently cupped the back of juun’s head and brought her closer.
juun’s mind was a total mess to the point that the only thing she was able to think of properly was stella.
stella. stella. stella.
the only girl she had ever wanted this badly.
“i love you” juun whispered against stella’s lips when they parted for air.
“i fucking love you stella kim” she repeated as she cupped the older's face in her hands, enunciating every word like a promise she swore by for the rest of her life.
there, she said it. the confession she had tried so hard to hold back because she thought she wasn’t worthy of this girl who was kissing her breathlessly right now.
but for stella, hearing those words made her lose all the control she was trying so hard to maintain.
because suddenly being selfish didn’t matter.
stella wanted to hold juun close to her like this and kiss her to no end because that was what her heart desired.
and accepting that only made her want this more. she wanted juun so badly for herself.
stella smiled before kissing juun again.
“you’re the only person i can love this much kim juun” she whispered in between their kisses that were slowly becoming more rushed.
juun smiled into stella’s kisses, her hands securely wrapped around the older’s neck like she wanted to stay there forever.
the empty room echoed with the sounds of messy kisses and hurried breaths mixed in with soft laughter from the heat of the moment, but this was exactly what they both had wanted for so long.
slowly, juun started trailing kisses downwards along stella’s jawline and to her neck.
“fuck you’re so beautiful stella” her voice strained into the older's neck before she was dragged back up into a heated kiss by stella, devouring her lips again as if it wasn’t already swollen enough from how passionate they had been.
“i think i might have an addiction” stella whispered breathlessly when they parted, looking into juun’s eyes with the softest smile on her face.
and juun felt like she just fell for her all over again,
“me too” juun replied, admiring the sight in front of her.
stella’s face flushed from their kisses, hair messy and lips swollen.
juun felt like she might collapse from how beautiful she was.
"unnie...you're amazing just the way you are, that's more than enough" juun assured as she planted small, reassuring kisses on stella's lips.
"the only thing i want..is for you to take care of yourself, and believe in yourself...can you do that for me?" she asked, looking into stella's beautiful doe eyes.
juun always loved how stella's eyes had their own unique shine to them, the kind that she would drown in if she stared for too long.
stella chuckled as she rested her forehead on juun’s, holding the younger close to her.
"i promise i will juun" she reassured the younger, her grip tightening around juun's waist.
“thank you for loving me” she whispered before hugging juun tightly.
and juun just wanted to stay in stella’s warm embrace forever if she could.
-
the light rays of the morning sun peeked into the room through the gaps between the curtains.
stella slowly stirred awake from her slumber, and honestly she had slept better that one night than she had in weeks.
why?
because of the girl who was currently fast asleep and cuddled up next to her.
stella smiled as she looked down to see juun’s face buried in her neck, arms wrapped tightly around stella’s waist even in her sleep.
seeing this side of juun just touched stella’s heart in a certain way.
juun was always charismatic, known for her powerful dance skills and strong image that made her stand out in any performance.
but now, with her bare face, deep in sleep, lips still slightly swollen from the previous night — she looked beautiful in such an ethereal way that made stella overwhelmed because only she would get to see and appreciate this side of juun.
something exclusive, just for her.
“you’re so beautiful” stella whispered as she pushed the loose strands of hair out from juun’s eyes, making the younger stir in her sleep and snuggle closer.
juun sleepily mumbled something unintelligible, which made stella almost laugh from how cute she sounded.
“my juunie” stella said softly as she wrapped her arms protectively around juun and gently stroked her hair.
something about this just felt so..surreal.
like she finally confronted a possibility that seemed impossible but had ended up becoming a reality.
waking up to juun in her arms might just be her new favourite thing in the world.
just then, stella heard the faint sound of the main door unlocking, and that instantly jogged her memory.
a-na.
coming back after probably spending the night with yuha again.
and just as she thought, when a-na walked into their room and saw the sight before her, she had to physically stop herself from screaming. (yes she stuffed her fist into her mouth to shut herself up)
her expression was a mix of shock, confusion, excitement and teasing all at once, like a bouncy ball of energy that was about to explode any moment.
“oh my god it’s about time-“
“i will explain everything to you later” stella whispered aggressively, shooting a-na an urgent glare to leave and not wake up juun.
a-na smirked before heading to the bathroom to wash up, of course not before giving stella the most teasing look ever which signified that she would be in for a thorough interrogation.
stella shoved that thought aside to the back of her head...she could worry about that later.
after a few more minutes, stella felt juun move slightly before her eyes finally squinted open.
and the smile she gave her after making eye contact..god stella felt like she would cry from seeing that pretty smile first thing in the morning.
“morning baby” she whispered, before earning a light slap on the cheek from juun.
“who said you could call me that?” she asked with a smile.
“me, i said so” stella replied teasingly.
juun laughed softly before stealing a quick kiss from the older.
“we’ve definitely crossed another boundary now haven’t we?” juun said as she cupped stella’s face in her hands.
“we crossed it the second you kissed me last night” stella teased, wrapping her arms around juun’s waist under the sheets.
"any regrets?"
"of course not."
juun started showering stella with kisses all over her face, and stella just couldn't stop smiling.
she really adored juun's affectionate side so much.
"yuna saw us just now" stella slipped in somewhere in between juun's small pecks on her lips.
"not like i care"
"just saying, she's definitely gonna interrogate us"
juun laughed out loud, causing stella's heart to flutter because how could one's laugh sound so attractive?
well...quite literally everything about juun was attractive to her.
"but i think we need to talk about it too" juun said softly, running her hand through stella's smooth long hair.
"talk about what?" stella replied calmly.
juun took a deep breath.
"about us...what are we now? do we have to define anything..or is this just a mistake that we're going to..forget about after we leave this room" juun asked hesitantly, avoiding stella's eye contact.
and that uncertainty in her voice made stella's heart ache a little...because she saw how scared juun was of losing her.
"baby, look at me" stella said, using her hand to tilt juun's face up.
"we don't have to put labels on anything yet if you're not ready..." she assured, caressing juun's cheek with her thumb.
"but i can say it for sure...nothing about this was a mistake for me."
and then stella smiled her genuine smile.
the bright one that juun loved to see.
"my heart belongs to you juun. only you, no one else" stella whispered before capturing juun's lips in an enchanting kiss.
this wasn't possessive, wasn't rushed.
just gentle enough for stella to show juun how much she truly loved her.
and that kiss sealed every last speck of doubt in juun's heart, because now she knew stella meant all this.
every whispered "i love you" in between their heated kisses the night before.
every warm hug and compliment she gave her when they were alone.
every stolen glance and touch left unspoken between them.
the woman of her dreams was finally hers.
and she was worth crossing any boundary for.