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Saturday mornings had slowly become Buck’s favourite part of the week. Especially when his shifts lined up so he had at least a 24 off with no alarms, calls or LAFD uniforms. His morning was packed with pancakes, cartoons drifting in from the living room, and the comfortable kind of chaos that came from having people he loved filling his house.
Buck stood at the stove, expertly flipping a pancake before sliding it onto the growing stack on the plate beside him. “Chocolate chip or blueberry?” he called over his shoulder.
“Chocolate!” Christopher answered immediately from the couch, his attention never leaving the Xbox controller in his hands.
Theo looked up from where he was standing beside Buck’s legs, Mr. Moo the teddy bear tucked securely beneath one arm. “Blueberry,” he said after a moment’s careful consideration.
Buck smiled. “One of each it is.”
From across the kitchen, Eddie snorted. Buck glanced over to where Eddie was crouched in front of one of the lower kitchen cupboards, screwdriver in hand as he tightened the loose hinge that had been threatening to fall off for the better part of a month.
“I gave them a choice! It's not my fault they want different things.” Buck chuckled, carefully placing the perfect amount of blueberries into the batter of his next pancake.
“No,” Eddie replied without looking up. “You’re incapable of making a decision when it comes to these two.”
Buck gasped dramatically. “I make plenty of decisions. I decided to make pancakes.”
“You asked Chris if he wanted cereal first.” Eddie laughed, continuing to tighten the hinges. Christopher laughed from the living room without taking his eyes off the television. Theo giggled too, copying everyone else.
Buck reached over and ruffled his hair. “There it is,” he said softly. “I’ve been waiting for that laugh all morning.”
Theo ducked away, smiling shyly. Mr. Moo slipped slightly from beneath his arm as he moved, and Buck caught sight of the teddy properly for the first time that day. The poor thing had certainly lived a life.
One ear drooped lower than the other. The once-soft brown fur had faded in places from years of love and countless trips through the washing machine. One paw had a line of stitches from where Buck had already repaired it months ago, and the stuffing was beginning to bunch strangely around Mr. Moo’s middle.
Buck crouched down in front of Theo. “You know,” he said, gently touching one of Bear’s floppy ears, “I think this little guy has definitely seen better days.”
Theo instinctively hugged the teddy closer to his chest. “He has.”
Buck smiled. “I could give him a spa day later.”
Theo blinked. “A what?”
“You know.” Buck counted on his fingers. “A bath. New stuffing. Stitch up a few holes. Maybe fix this ear so it isn’t trying to escape.”
Theo looked down at Mr. Moo, carefully inspecting every worn patch and crooked seam. “No thank you.”
Buck tilted his head. “No?”
Theo smiled, rubbing his thumb over the teddy’s threadbare paw. “He’s perfect.”
To anyone else, Mr. Moo was old and falling apart, a teddy bear who had been through the wars. But to Theo, Mr. Moo was one of the last things he had from his parents.
Buck reached out and smoothed the fur between Mr. Moo’s ears. “Okay,” he said gently. “No spa day.”
Theo nodded, clearly relieved. “He likes how he looks.”
From the cupboard, Eddie glanced over his shoulder, watching the exchange with a small smile before returning to the hinge. A second later, there was a satisfying click as he tightened the final screw. “There,” Eddie said, standing and testing the cupboard door. “All fixed.”
Buck looked over. “See? At least we have one competent adult in this house.”
Theo looked between them before quietly asking, “Who’s the competent adult?”
Eddie burst out laughing and Buck placed a hand over his heart in mock offence. “Buddy.”
Theo frowned in genuine confusion. “I don’t know.”
Eddie walked over, wrapping an arm around Buck’s shoulders. “I’ll answer for him.”
Buck groaned, knowing what Eddie was going to say. “The competent adult,” Eddie said with complete confidence, “is definitely not the guy who was looking for his phone yesterday while talking on it.”
Christopher laughed so hard he almost dropped his controller. Theo’s eyes widened. “Papa did that!” Theo dissolved into giggles, clutching Mr. Moo so tightly the teddy’s worn little ear flopped against his cheek.
Buck watched him laugh, committing the moment to memory without really meaning to. Ordinary mornings like this had become something precious.
-
By Monday afternoon, the whole house had become one giant question mark.
It had started that morning. Buck had been making lunches while Christopher searched for his homework assignment. While Eddie had been trying to convince Buck that yes, children did in fact need to leave for school before the first bell.
Theo had wandered into the kitchen rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Papa?”
“Morning, Bubba.”
“I can’t find Mr Moo.”
Buck barely looked up from spreading peanut butter. “Did you leave him in bed?” Theo shook his head. “What about under the bed?” That earnt Buck another shake, Buck smiled reassuringly. “He’ll turn up. He always does.”
Theo sleepily nodded again and wandered back to his room to get dressed for pre-school.
After all, Mr Moo had been everywhere that weekend. Saturday night, he’d slept tucked safely under Theo’s chin. Sunday morning, he’d gone to Maddie’s house for the fortnightly cousins’ get-together. Buck could clearly remember Jee-Yun insisting Mr Moo needed his own tiny plastic teacup during her tea party.
Buck was almost certain he’d seen Mr Moo buckled into Theo’s car seat for the drive home. And he was just as certain he had tucked Mr Moo into bed with Theo that night, giving them both a kiss on the head.
Somewhere between Sunday night and Monday morning, Mr Moo had vanished.
It wasn’t unusual enough to worry anyone, Theo misplaced Mr Moo all the time. He turned up under beds, inside washing baskets, behind couch cushions and in the most ridiculous places imaginable.
Buck had smiled, kissed the top of Theo’s head and promised they’d have a proper look after preschool.
Now, it was after four in the afternoon. He had checked both bedrooms twice. Buck had stripped Theo’s bed, shaken every cushion and blanket, opened every cupboard and scrambled through the giant toy box. The laundry basket had been tipped onto the floor to make sure Mr Moo hadn’t been stuck in a sweatshirt. Buck’s car had been searched from front to back and then one more time after that.
Nothing.
Buck stood in the middle of the living room with his hands on his hips. “Okay,” he muttered. “Now this is getting weird.”
Theo hugged himself, his eyes following Buck from room to room as the search started all over again.
-
By five o’clock, Buck had officially run out of places to look. He stood in the middle of the living room, breathing hard, hands planted on his hips as he stared around the house.
The couch had been pulled away from the wall and every cushion was stacked in a pile on the floor. The laundry basket had been emptied twice. The garage. The backyard. Even the refrigerator.
He groaned to himself after that one. “Buck… why would Mr Moo be in the fridge?”
Theo hadn’t said much at all. He was curled into the corner of the couch, knees tucked against his chest, watching Buck pace.
Buck grabbed his phone. “Okay.” As Theo looked up hopefully. “New plan.” Buck was already scrolling through his contacts. “If he isn’t here, then we’re finding out where he is.”
He hit call.
“9-1-1, what is your emergency?” The voice came through the other line.
“Please tell me there’s a teddy bear at your house.”
“Buck? What? I’m at work.” Maddie asked, confusion evident in her tone.
“He’s brown, one ear flops. Answers to Mr Moo.” Buck continued talking as Theo watched him ramble.
There was a pause before he heard a light snicker over the phone. “Buck…did you call 9-1-1 to find Theo’s bear?”
“Yes, it’s an emergency.” Buck exclaims.
“You’ll need to call Chim, he’s at home with Jee and Nash.” Buck thanked her anyway before hanging up. Quickly dialling Chimney, Buck waited and waited before the call connected. “Is Mr Moo at your house?”
“Well hello to you too, Buckaroo. So lovely of you to call. I’m doing very well, thank you for asking.” Chimney mocks through the phone.
“I don’t have time for this, Chim. Have you seen Mr Moo or not?” Buck was getting desperate. Every passing minute, he could see Theo getting more agitated. He can hear Chimney rummaging around the house, in search of Mr Moo.
“Tell Theo I said sorry, no Mr Moo here.” With a sigh, Buck hangs up his second call after saying thank you.
Next came Hen. “No teddy here.” Then Ravi. Next was Athena, Buck had dropped something off to her on Saturday. Still nothing.
Buck even called the café they’d stopped at after leaving Maddie’s, on the off chance Mr Moo had been left behind in a booth. No luck. With every call, his voice became a little tighter. This was ridiculous. Teddy bears didn’t just disappear.
He rubbed a hand over his face before pressing Eddie’s name. He didn’t want to disturb him. He was at a family event for Abuela, celebrating her birthday and the last thing Buck wanted was to pull him away from his family.
The phone rang twice before Eddie’s voice sounded through the speaker. “Buck?”
“Eddie, have you seen Mr Moo?”
“…Hi to you too.” Eddie chuckled.
Buck huffed out a breath. “I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find him.” Buck chanced a glance to Theo who was picking at the threads on his sweatshirt, eyes glazed over. Shuffling out of the room, Buck started talking quieter. “Theo’s getting upset, we genuinely can’t find him. I don’t know what to do.”
“You checked Theo’s room? The car? Outside? You know Theo’s been burying things in the sandpit.”
“Yes, Eddie. I looked everywhere. Fuck. Connor and Kameron gave him Mr Moo when he was born. I’ve had him, what? 11? 12 months? And I’ve lost it.”
There was a small pause before both Buck and Eddie heard it. Theo’s little feet sweep across the floor before his voice pipes up. “Papa…it’s-it’s okay. You tried.”
He wasn’t upset or crying, his voice impossibly small. Buck could hear Eddie’s breath catch before his voice reached his ears. “I’m on my way.”
Buck looked around at the upturned living room and at his little boy standing in front of him. “Eddie, you don’t have to-”
“I know.” The line went dead before Buck could say anything else.
“Is Eddie coming?” Theo asked softly.
Buck nodded slowly. “I… think so.” Theo climbed back onto the couch and turned his face toward the window, watching for Eddie’s truck.
-
Eddie barely had time to knock before the front door swung open. “Buck-”
“I’m losing my mind.” Buck was already turning back toward the living room, one hand buried in his hair. “I’ve looked everywhere, Eddie. The whole house. Twice. I called Maddie and Chimney, they checked their place. Hen checked hers. I even called the café from yesterday.”
Eddie stepped inside and the house looked like a tornado had passed through. Couch cushions covered the floor, blankets were draped over dining chairs, cupboards hung open. Laundry sat in untidy piles where Buck had clearly searched through every basket in the house.
It reminded Eddie of another day, right back at the beginning when Buck was convinced he’d forgotten to buy something Theo might need.
Back then, Buck had been trying to prepare the house for Theo. Today, he was trying to fix it.
Eddie rested a hand on Buck’s shoulder. “Hey.”
Buck looked exhausted. “I can’t find him. I promised we’d keep looking.” Buck shook his head. “It doesn’t make any sense.”
His eyes drifted past Buck into the living room. Theo sat curled into the far corner of the sofa, his knees were tucked against his chest and his gaze wasn’t following Buck as he moved frantically around the room. Instead, he was staring at nothing.
Eddie’s stomach tightened. He’d seen that look before, not in Theo, but in Christopher. The thousand-yard stare of a child trying to make sense of something that felt far bigger than the moment in front of them. Buck was searching for a teddy bear, Theo had stopped hoping.
Eddie looked back at Buck. “Give me a minute?”
Buck frowned, confused, but nodded anyway. “Yeah… okay.”
Eddie crossed the room slowly, careful not to rush. He lowered himself onto the couch beside Theo, leaving enough space that the little boy didn’t feel crowded.
For a while, he said nothing. He knew Theo liked the quiet with Eddie. Buck provided the energy outlets that Theo’s body craved while Eddie was the quiet space that Theo relished in.
Eventually, Eddie spoke. “Can I sit with you?” Theo gave the smallest nod. “Tell me what’s happening in that busy little head.”
Theo didn’t answer straight away, his fingers picked at the cuff of his sweatshirt. Finally, in a voice so soft Eddie almost missed it. “Mr Moo’s gone. My Mommy bought him.”
Eddie didn’t interrupt, letting his presence do all the speaking for him. “Daddy kept him safe for me.” Theo swallowed, before rubbing at his eyes quickly. “Then Mommy and Daddy died. And I had to move. I kept Mr Moo with me. Buck-Papa-he looked after me and then I moved again.”
Eddie closed his eyes for just a heartbeat. So much loss and so much change had happened in the last year for someone so small.
Theo’s voice cracked. “Everything goes away.” Eddie felt tears sting behind his eyes. He wanted to tell Theo that wasn’t true, to promise that nothing else bad would ever happen. But he couldn’t.
Theo hugged his knees tighter. “I tried not to love Mr Moo too much.”
Eddie frowned gently. “Why’s that, Bub?”
Theo’s answer was barely more than a whisper. “Because everything I love disappears.”
-
Buck hadn’t meant to overhear. He’d only stepped toward the hallway to grab his phone from the kitchen counter. He was going to call Maddie again, or maybe Hen. He did want to start searching the house for the third time because there had to be somewhere they hadn’t looked.
There had to be.
But then he heard Theo’s voice. “Everything goes away.”
He should have walked away. He should have given Eddie and Theo their privacy. But his feet wouldn’t move. Because those words-
Those words weren’t just Theo’s.
He knew that feeling. It wasn’t the same and it never could be, Theo’s loss was different to Buck’s. But it was the same little voice that whispered that people didn’t stay. That good things never lasted. That if you loved something too much, eventually you’d be the one left behind.
Everyone leaves.
Buck had spent most of his life carrying some version of that belief. He’d spent years trying to outrun it.
And now he was standing in his own hallway, listening to a little boy he loved more than anything in the world saying the same thing out loud. “I tried not to love Mr Moo too much.”
Buck’s breath caught and his eyes burned. Theo was trying to protect himself from the last piece he had of his parents. He had decided at five years old that the safest way to survive losing something was to never let himself love it completely in the first place.
Buck pressed his lips together, trying to hold himself together. A tear slipped down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away with the back of his hand.
He didn’t want Theo to see him cry. Theo didn’t need Buck to fall apart. He needed Buck to be there. But then Theo whispered the words that broke him completely. “Because everything I love disappears.”
Buck closed his eyes. For a second, he wasn’t standing in his hallway. He was a kid again, waiting for someone to choose him. He was standing by his jeep watching Maddie walk away. He was standing at an airport watching Abby walk away. Standing in his loft as every other partner he had walked away. And finally, he was standing watching as Eddie drove away.
Theo was not going to grow up believing that, not if Buck had anything to say about it. He stepped into the room quietly. He didn’t make any grand speeches or promises he couldn’t keep. He didn’t pretend that he could take away every loss Theo would ever experience.
He just lowered himself beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and Theo leaned into him immediately. Sometimes the most important thing you could tell someone was not that nothing bad would ever happen. It was that when it did, they wouldn’t have to face it alone.
-
Buck stayed there for a while with Theo tucked against his side, Eddie’s hand resting gently on his back. No one spoke. There wasn’t anything to say that could undo what Theo had lost. Nothing that could promise him life would never hurt again.
So they just stayed. Eventually, Theo’s breathing began to even out. Buck leaned back slightly, his head resting against the wall behind the couch.
He closed his eyes for a moment and let out a slow breath. And then, because apparently his brain couldn’t stop searching even when he wasn’t trying anymore, his eyes drifted upward.
He wasn’t even looking for anything.
His eyebrows pulled together because something was sticking out from the living room light fitting. A familiar little brown shape.
Buck blinked, trying to make sure that he wasn’t seeing things. There was no way-
“Eddie?” he whispered quickly.
Eddie looked over. “What?”
Buck didn’t answer, he couldn’t stop staring. He stood carefully, making sure not to disturb Theo, and reached upwards to the light. Eddie followed his gaze and then he stopped too. Somehow wedged inside, was Mr Moo.
Buck just stared. “You have got to be kidding me.” Buck reached up carefully and retrieved the teddy. Mr Moo dangled from his hand, completely unbothered by the chaos he’d caused.
Buck looked at him. “You have spent the last twenty-four hours hiding in a light fixture?”
Obviously Mr Moo didn’t respond. “You know what? I don’t even want to know.”
Eddie let out a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “Of course.”
After hours of searching and the worry of permanently losing Mr Moo. He hadn’t disappeared. He had just been somewhere ridiculous.
Buck carried him back to Theo. He didn’t make a big announcement or tell Theo he had magically fixed everything. He simply crouched down and held Mr Moo out.
Theo looked up and his little hands reached out. He pulled Mr Moo close, hugging him tightly.
“He got lost,” Buck said softly. Buck gently touched the teddy’s worn ear. “But he came back.”