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Viktor woke up in pain. Just like the day before, and the day before that, and the weeks and months and years before that. Not even the best care he got in Piltover could undo the damage he suffered as a child. Viktor likes to think that between his body and mind, it’s better for him to have a strong mind in a broken body. Because how could a Zaunite from the Trenches have both.
So yeah, he woke up in pain but he was determined to finish his work for today. And he took his pills, and brushed his teeth sitting down because the painkillers need time to work. And he made breakfast on the bar because his leg cramped in the shower so he had to stretch it. And even though it now takes him an extra hour to get ready every morning, he maintains the whole routine.
Thankfully the Academy let him have one of the apartments they own just outside the campus, so the commute to work is actually just a 15-minute walk. When Viktor started working on Hextech, he and Jayce would regularly sleep at Viktor’s, it was closer to their lab after all, so Jayce naturally used to accompany him to work in the mornings. Viktor always fondly remembers those moments when they would talk about seemingly unimportant little everyday things. But two days ago Jayce had to ask Sky what Viktor’s apartment number was. That is to say, Jayce hasn’t stayed over in years. And that’s on Jayce’s current involvement in Hextech research, and in Viktor’s life. Viktor can only partly blame him for his absence, one of them had to be the face behind it all. But Jayce is now a Councillor, Piltover’s Golden Boy, the Man of Progress. He’s not Viktor’s partner anymore, he’s not Viktor’s anything. That Viktor blames him for.
There rarely comes a day Viktor arrives at the lab to find a living soul. Sky comes and goes, Viktor’s still not sure where she is half the time. Other engineers and mathematicians have their own floors to work on. Jayce is most likely in Mel Medarda’s bed at this hour. So Viktor leaves his coat on his hanger and starts to work. It took him some time to adjust to the silence over the years, to hearing white noise of the ventilation system, sound of his own tinkering, his breathing, walking, his crutch. In the past Jayce would brainstorm out loud, with him. They rarely worked separately. Yet, over time, Viktor found enough mental clarity to focus in silence, to not speak to anyone but himself.
Hours would blur together and more often than not, a vertigo would be the only reminder it was lunchtime. Sometimes Sky would come and join him, sometimes he would grab an energy bar just to keep him from fainting until dinner. But on especially lonely days, like this one, Viktor would skip it and take a nap. The couch he bought for the lab half a year ago was extremely comfortable, and Viktor was often tempted to just spend the night there. But the quality of his day now depends on his morning routine. Unfortunately, he’s long past the years where he could mistreat his body and call it dedication to science instead of passive suicide. Now that he sees the damage time has left on him, and now that he feels the weight of his disease, and now that he sees his life’s work in hands of the elite instead of helping his people, he found peace in taking care of himself so that he can at least leave with some dignity.
It’s been 3 years since Jayce decided to make Hextech weapons, Hexarms.
Jayce thought a lot, and talked to Mel a lot, and he decided all by himself to dedicate his and Viktor’s work to Piltover’s military and the Council.
Jayce lost Viktor because of it. And no amount of therapy or antidepressants helped anymore. Sure it was nice at first, to attend evening parties, talk to investors, give public speeches about his, well their, work. To have Mel so close to him at all times, enjoy every touch, every look. But then Jayce started seeing the posters, the Hextech merchandise, he saw that people looked at him weirdly when he mentioned Viktor, his partner. They avoided talking about him, as much as they could. And in time he realized he himself started talking about Hexgates and Hexarms as if they were his own invention, like he didn’t have a partner. Next morning he started seeing a psychiatrist. But clarity came with a cost. And the more he thought of Viktor and their dream, the more he saw how blind he’s been all this damn time.
Viktor’s been spending his last months of life on creating Hexthetics, prosthetics powered by Hextech. His work is slower than before, but it’s engaging enough. When Jayce sees Viktor now, he sees a man he simply doesn’t know. A man with all the genius but none of the spark, none of the ambition and none of the drive. He sees a man who’s lost a true purpose and now he lives by a set of rules and pure determination in following them. And to Jayce it’s just like looking at a mirror.
Jayce is officially miserable, he’s been miserable for months, who knows, maybe even years. He sometimes doesn’t know who he is. Who exactly is Jayce Talis? Or rather which one is Jayce Talis? And the last time he was so sure of himself was when he had Viktor to lean on. When he used to follow Viktor to his flat with a silly excuse of his own being too far but Jayce just wanted to talk to Viktor for a bit longer. And then came the excuses, and the absence and now, alienation.
So Jayce avoids Viktor because he doesn’t know how to talk to him anymore. In the years after Hexarms, there was seldom a conversation without a fight, and when Jayce tried to help Viktor in the lab, Viktor would lose patience having to explain so many new concepts. Jayce didn’t touch Viktor anymore, not after Viktor kept brushing him off every time Jayce put a hand over his shoulders. And being with Mel, loving her, is not enough anymore. Sometimes Jayce wishes it was, pretends it is, because that would make this distance much more bearable. Yet on occasions, Jayce sees Viktor working alone in their lab, it is still their lab, and he hides from Mel the rest of the day.
And not for the first time in 3 years, Jayce thinks about him and Mel breaking up. Because now he can’t look at her without seeing Viktor’s eyes, his beauty marks, he can’t caress her body without missing touching Viktor’s, and he can’t not blame her for Hexarms. He’s a scientist, not a politician. And he’s sure Mel knows, she must, but she is kind enough to wait for Jayce to be ready as well.
Seeing Viktor right now, curled up on the couch with a cute frown on his face, he feels more than ready.
Viktor knew something was odd when he came to work and saw Jayce in the corner, finishing Viktor’s Hexhand. Not only did Jayce know what he was doing, he also looked to be improving the original design. And considering Viktor only showed Jayce what he was working on exactly twice, he was left confused, standing at the entrance for far longer than normal.
What on Earth was Jayce doing?
Here?
At 7 AM?
So Viktor didn’t know how to approach this, and he walked extra loudly, and cleared his throat a bit too roughly in hopes Jayce would take the hint and elaborate. Yet Jayce only greeted him with a “good morning Viktor” and went back to work. And Viktor knew he should be angry, and he knew he should demand an explanation, but he was too tired to argue today. And so he didn’t say a thing, just crossed the lab and worked on a different project trying to ignore the extra noise Jayce was making.
And Jayce stayed. Today, the next day, and the weeks after that. He showed up every day, worked for half a day, and left to mind council matters. And then eventually he didn’t smell of Mel’s perfume anymore, he didn’t wear overly expensive clothes and when he did, he brought a change to wear in the lab. And Mel didn’t come to visit them once. And Viktor got used to noise again, and he liked this newfound consistency. And Viktor has been stopped numerous times by the Academy students to tell them more about his Hexsthetics. This rarely happened before.
First real conversation happened on a random Tuesday, when Jayce came up to Viktor and asked him to proofread his math. Viktor’s muscle memory kicked in and he barely put a thought into the gesture. So Viktor started explaining where Jayce went wrong, and then Jayce made a joke and then they chuckled and that was it. And it was just a bit less awkward than before.
When Jayce and Viktor finished the Hexhand, Viktor sat Jayce down and explained to him that he won’t be giving the rights to it to the Council. That was the first significant conversation they had.
“I mean it Jayce, Zaunites need prosthetics like these, they can't be weaponized but they can enable someone to find work.” Viktor said, carefully, as if afraid he was walking on a minefield.
“And I told you Viktor, whatever you want out of this is exactly what I want too. I don’t know how bad it is over there, but you do and I trust you with it.” Jayce said and left, not waiting for a reply. Viktor was left stunned. A part of him was happy to finally hear that, and a part of him wondered if that was a provocation. It doesn’t matter, the outcome stays the same.
And so Jayce started getting Viktor coffee every morning, and Viktor started carrying 2 energy bars in case Jayce wanted one as well. And the lab was much more messy, and so was Viktor’s head. It’s been 3 months and Jayce hasn’t addressed the elephant in the room. This play pretend of good old times is getting to Viktor, now that the euphoria of having Jayce back at the lab dissipated. And every day it got a bit harder to smile back, and every experimental touch left Viktor wondering if Jayce would linger a bit more.
And then came bickering. But this time it wasn’t harmless, it was a prelude to a serious fight.
“Jayce why is Councillor Medarda writing to me personally?” Viktor said sharply. “She is asking me out of all people why you’re neglecting your meetings.”
“Damn, I’m sorry Viktor, I’ve told her to stop trying to force them on me. I’ll go fix it right now.” Jayce said, and then nervously ruffled his hair with his hand.
“Absolutely not, no, you’re finishing up those fingers first. Is it again going to be like this? You dropping everything for her?” What the hell was Viktor saying? Jayce looked just as confused as Viktor felt.
“What? That’s not at all what I’ve been doing? I’m barely getting any rest trying to finish up this project of yours.” Jayce said standing up. Viktor didn’t like having to look up at him right now.
“Well far be it for me keep you from your lover. I can finish this myself since it’s my project, right?” Viktor rarely uttered words with so much venom, and yet even now he didn’t know what was worse, confronting this and losing Jayce or keeping quiet and losing his mind.
“Why is it always like this with you, have you heard a word that I’ve said? I told you I want her to stop trying to reach me, and it’s hardly your business but she’s not my lover anymore. Hasn’t been for months.” Jayce hugged himself with a deep frown and Viktor wanted to throw up. It suddenly all fit into place.
“Is that why you’ve been spending so much time here? To get away from her?” Viktor turned around and started to walk away. “You know it does sound like you, avoiding people instead of facing the conflict.”
“It’s not like that! Viktor wait!” Jayce grabbed his arm. “I broke it off because I wanted to spend more time here, with you!” Jayce almost shouted, but Viktor was hardly listening. All he knew is that he needed to get away from Jayce right now, after all he wasn’t good with honest confrontations either. He wasn’t ready to face the consequences of his own actions any more than Jayce was.
“Let go of me Jayce.” And Jayce did, without another word. So Viktor went home to sleep it off.
The next day was strained, but Jayce decided to be brave for once.
“I’m sorry Viktor, I really am.”
“Apology accepted Jayce, I’m sorry too.” Viktor was tired of fighting. This came easier. “We’re both exhausted, and tense. But I promise to avoid initiating arguments.”
“I promise the same. It’s just… really weird right now. Listen, I really did break up with her, but this transition is complicated.” Jayce sighed.
“I see.” Viktor said, not knowing what else to add.
And that was that, everything was a bit weird and a bit familiar. And Viktor was fine for a while. He really was. And he also noticed Jayce leaving the lab a bit later every day.
Some odd days later Viktor stumbled across Jayce waking up from a nap he took for the first time in this half a year, on his lab couch, covered with his fleece blanket, and Viktor randomly decided enough was enough. Because he’s still in pain, he’s still confused and he’s decidedly not fine after all.
“Jayce Talis, I believe you’re overdue an explanation.” Viktor nudged him with his crutch, frowning.
Jayce paled, not expecting confrontation after a very nice nap on this incredibly comfortable couch. He knew it was bound to come up someday, yet he still sincerely hoped it wouldn’t ever. Now he sat up, putting his head in his hands for a moment, gathering his thoughts. This was it. Now there’s only one way to do this. So he started, carefully choosing his words:
“Viktor, I have no grand explanation to offer you, I simply couldn’t continue living like that, being strung around like a puppet and being manipulated into making decisions I have come to deeply regret.” Jayce said. This part he kind of practiced.
“I thought entering politics would let me make changes we always wanted to see. But I was wrong and it took me far too long to understand that.” Jayce then looked Viktor dead in the eyes. With eyes so intense Viktor could barely stand to look back. His whole body was shaking and Jayce looked to be on the verge of tears.
“My place has always been in this lab, with you. I thought I wanted us to give magic to the world, but now, all I want is my partner back.” Jayce’s voice was airy, quiet. It lost most of the strength Jayce started talking with. And it beckoned Viktor closer. He never saw such raw honesty in Jayce. Not as far as he can remember. And Jayce is now begging him with this tired look to say something comforting, to show him that Viktor still welcomes him.
Viktor now knows there is nothing Jayce can do that he can’t forgive. Because being with Jayce, working with him, having a partner to fix his shortcomings, having someone share his wish to make the world a better place, it became Viktor’s purpose.
“I have as many reasons to hate you as I have to welcome you back. But perhaps now, after all this, we can learn again what it was that made us partners. Because I too want my partner back.” Viktor could barely hold his voice steady. This was it, there’s nothing so terrifying as showing vulnerability. He tried to look up and blink the tears away but then Jayce suddenly jumped to his feet and enveloped him in a hug. And so Viktor couldn’t hold it in anymore. And with the way Jayce was shaking, Viktor is certain he couldn’t either.
“Jayce, in all timelines, in all possibilities, only you can show me this. Only you can show me a reality in which my life’s work has meaning.”
And Jayce couldn’t say a single thing at this moment, he only knew how to embrace Viktor with no plans of letting him go any time soon. Jayce realized at that point all he needed in life were Viktor’s arms around him, the feel of his body pressed against Jayce’s, the way Viktor’s hair tickled his chin and the sound of Viktor’s uneven breathing. All Jayce ever needed in life is Viktor, simple as that.
“I know we thought we could bring an end to the world’s suffering, but there’s no prize to perfection, only an end to pursuit. Jayce, maybe we can start again, let’s find a different way to change the world.” Viktor said, trying to break free and look at Jayce again. But Jayce wouldn’t let him go yet. Especially after what he just said. Actually Jayce would never let him go. Never. “Even though my days are numbered, I would like, more than anything, to spend them by your side.”
“Viktor, I know you’ve always thought of your leg, your disease, as shortcomings. But you are the most incredible person I know. There’s beauty in imperfections, they make you who you are, an inseparable piece of everything I love about you.”
“Then don’t leave again.”
“Never again Viktor, never again. It’s you and me, partner.”