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Rudolph was sitting on the bathroom floor crying, again. The room was dreadfully cold, and the only sounds coming from it were his muffled sobs. His thoughts about suicide had been worse than ever lately, and he couldn’t handle it anymore. He decided he’d finally tell his mom about these thoughts and his self harm.
He stood up slowly and shuffled towards the sink. He turned the faucet and filled his hands with water to clean his face. He leaned his head forward and splashed his face; the water was warm. He worked the water all around his face til he felt better. He lifted his head to face the mirror.
“I still look like a mess, but I'm too tired to fix myself up..” He grabbed a nearby towel and dried off.
He thought to himself, “Should I really tell her?..” he shook his head to free himself from the thought. He had already made up his mind; he wanted to get better.
He walked to the bathroom door and breathed a heavy sigh before making his way to the door handle and pushing it open.
He walked like his feet were stones, each step dragging on the ground. He made a slow turn into the living room to find his mom, alone on her phone. It took her a few seconds to notice that Rudy was there, but once she realized, she turned her phone off and faced him.
“Hey, baby, wanna watch some T.V? We can turn on that movie you like!” She asked with a warm smile on her face.
“I..” Rudolph looked to the ground, “..I actually wanna talk to you about something.” He looked up, trying to read the expression on his mom’s face.
“It’s kind of serious and.. personal.” He clarified, his stomach turning into ways that made him sick,
“Oh, alright,” she no longer had a smile on her face, but instead wore a serious expression.
“C’mere, sit by me.” She patted the empty spot next to her. Rudy trudged towards the spot and sat down. He took in a few deep breaths before speaking.
“Mom..” Rudy’s eyes darted back and forth, and his palms became sweatier by the second. His stomach was being tied in knots, and his mouth was going numb.
“Y-Y’know what, it’s fine, I’m fine. Let’s just watch a movie!” He blurted out instead. His mom was now worried, and she put a hand on his shoulder.
“Rudolph, my son, you know you can tell me anything, right?” Her gaze fixated on him. She could feel how hard his heart was beating. Rudy looked into his mom’s eyes and sighed. He knew that he had to tell her the truth now.
“I-um-you see..” he stumbled over his words, “maybe…it’d be better if I just showed you..” he said, defeated. His mom's stare was intense and heavy; she was silently hoping that it wasn’t what she thought it was.
Rudolph shakily lifted the sleeve of his sweater and slowly rotated his arm, he didn’t dare look at her face. So many thoughts surged through his mind, one of them being, “Why did I show her? How could I be so stupid?” There was just silence after that, until his Mom spoke.
“You,” she paused for a second, “..you did this?..” her voice breaking. Rudy lifted his head for a second to see his mom; her brows were furrowed, and her eyes swelled with tears. The corners of her lips were turned downwards. Rudy quickly looked away, he couldn’t stand seeing his mom like this.
“Mom, please don’t cry,” Rudolph was starting to break down, “I-I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have done this. I’m so, so sorry mom..” He pulled his sleeve down and wiped his face with it. “It’s all my fault you’re sad, I’m just a burden to you, I-“ he was cut short by his mom pulling him into a hug.
“Oh, baby, you don’t have to apologize for anything.” Tears were streaming down her face, and she hugged her son tighter, “I don’t know why you did this, and you don’t have to tell me. But listen, if you need help, we’ll get you help, okay?” She managed to force out a small smile. Rudolph couldn't hold it in anymore and started to cry.
“I love you, so so much, Rudolph. I can’t stand the thought of losing you. So you need to be strong, o-okay, ”she paused to catch her breath, “I’ll always be here for you, and if you need to talk to me about stuff like this, I’ll always listen, my sweet boy.” She cradled his head and subtly rocked him back and forth like a baby.
“I-I will mom, I promise..” Rudy managed to say through tears, he hugged his mom tighter.
The two stayed embraced until they calmed down. Rudy leaned against his mom.
“So, would you like me to call a therapist for you?” She asked him. Rudolph looked up at her and nodded. He hoped that he’d be able to get better with a therapist.
“Alright, I’ll look for one tomorrow morning. For now, let’s watch that movie you like.” She reached an arm over his shoulder.
“That sounds good,” Rudy responded.
“I love you, sweetheart.” His mom spoke out loud.
“I love you too, Mom.” Rudy said back.