Archive of Our Own

The Thousand Sunny was awfully quiet that day. Out on the deck, Usopp was taking a peaceful nap near Zoro under the shade of the tangerine trees. Nearby, Robin was resting on a lounge chair with Chopper fast asleep on her chest, while Franky occupied the chair next to her. Brook was close by, gently playing a calm and quiet melody that the little doctor had requested before drifting off.

Inside the galley, the atmosphere was much more active. Both Luffy and Sanji were in the kitchen, the chef busy preparing a massive lunch while his young captain hovered excitedly around him, begging for a pre meal snack. It took exactly twenty persistent attempts, but Sanji finally gave up, huffing as he handed over a small plate just to get Luffy out of his hair.

Nami, on the other hand, was in a bad mood. She was hunting for a lost ring. It wasn't her most expensive piece of jewelry, but it was irreplaceable, it was one of the very first gifts Robin had given her after returning to the crew.

-"Ugh, I’ve looked absolutely everywhere!"- Nami muttered sharply, stomping down the ship's hallways. -"I swear if I find it lying around in those idiots rooms, I'm doubling all of their debts!"-

Grumbling under her breath, she swung open the door to the boys quarters. -"Why am I even looking here? Finding anything in this place is usually impossible..."-

To her immediate surprise, the room wasn't the total disaster she expected. Sanji had somehow managed to force a sense of order, or at least a little bit, onto the space, despite the fact that Luffy and the other boys lived like a pack of wild animals. Franky had recently built a set of custom wooden baskets to cleanly separate the dirty laundry from the clean clothes. A massive pile of blankets was neatly folded in one corner, and resting on the main table was a large, old ashtray that Sanji had stopped using for a while, now serving as a drop zone for random trinkets.

-"Let's see what we have here”- Nami murmured. There were loose pens, stray screws, a few stray candies, and the crumpled plastic wrappers from the treats Sanji had bought for Chopper on the last island. And there, a shiny object beneath a rogue screw, was her missing ring.

-"I knew it!"- She giggled, triumphantly slipping the ring onto her finger and placing her hands on her hips. -"My navigator's intuition never fails. Now... they better have a damn good explanation for why this was in here."-

As she turned to leave, a flash of dark material caught her eye, tucked away beneath a loose, badly fitted wooden floorboard near the back of the room.

Nami paused. -'Well, it wouldn't hurt to take a quick peek and put it right back... besides, they grabbed my ring first! Eye for an eye'- She reasoned with a sly grin.

She reached into the gap and pulled out a heavy black box. It wasn't really large, but it was deep enough to comfortably hold a couple of books and a few small personal items. She inspected the exterior, searching for a name or a symbol to figure out which of the boys it belonged to, but there were no clues left on the polished wood.

-"Let's see what secrets they're hiding, then"- she whispered, flipping the latch.

Inside was a thick stack of papers. Some were in terrible condition, torn, stained, and straight-up broken, while others were perfectly preserved. Tucked safely beneath the loose notes lay an old used textbook and a decent sized leather diary, both bursting with even more loose pages.

-'Well, it’s definitely not Luffy's or Zoro's'- Nami thought, pulling the textbook free. -'I don't think I've ever seen this in the library before. What is it?'-

Her eyes locked onto the faded title embossed on the cover

"Cannibalism: The Sacrifice of Survival"

A cold chill ran down her spine.

—-------------------------

-"I want everyone in the kitchen. NOW!"-

The terrifying authority in Nami's voice echoed across the deck. Within seconds, the entire crew had scrambled into the galley, sensing the immediate danger.

—--------------------------

-"What the hell is this about witch? What crawled up your ass?"- Zoro grunted, taking a long swig from a bottle of sake he’d taken from the cupboards earlier.

The entire crew had frozen their regular activities and were now around the kitchen table exactly as demanded.
Robin sat quietly between Franky and Brook, gently patting Chopper’s head who is in her lap. Zoro leaned casually against the edge of the table right next to Sanji, while Luffy sat on the cook's other side, murmuring quietly to Usopp.

Standing dead center at the head of the table was Nami. She was leaning against the wood, staring at them with an expression that was entirely unreadable, a horrifying mixture of deep confusion and mounting dread.

-"Swordsman-san has a valid point, Nami"- Robin noted softly, trying to break the oppressive quiet. -"You mentioned yourself that we wouldn't be approaching another island for almost a month. Why the sudden emergency?"-

The air in the room was suffocatingly tense. Seeing Nami angry or stressed wasn't unusual, but normally she would seek out her own space to blow off steam. For her to call an official mandatory crew meeting meant something was profoundly wrong.

The navigator let out a long, shaky sigh. -"I found something. And I want everyone in this room to tell me the absolute truth about it."-

A visible wave of anxiety rippled across the table. Every single face fell into a worried expression, ones more than the others, except for Luffy. His face remained still and neutral, but those who knew him best could see a sharp, protective flicker of worry deep in his dark eyes.

-"Nami-swa—"- Sanji started, twisting into his usual love cook routine, but the words died in his throat.
With a heavy thud, Nami slammed the black box onto the center of the table.

Aside from the blonde chef, the rest of the crew stared at the box in complete confusion. Luffy and Chopper tilted their heads in unison, more confused than before.

-"So... a box?"- Zoro muttered, crossing his arms behind his head.

-"It's not the box, you dumbass!"- Nami snapped, her voice cracking slightly as she flipped the lid open.

-"What? Did someone hide a secret treasure fund from you?"- the swordsman asked, rolling his eyes as he began to stand up. -"If it's just stolen berries, I'm going back to my nap."-

-"I don't think Nami-sis would have called a mandatory crew meeting level of agitation over a few secret savings, Zoro-bro"- Franky interjected, his massive arm extending to block the door and stop Zoro from leaving. The cyborg was right, Nami wasn't the type to cause a scene this massive over something petty.

-"Thanks, Franky. I'm dead serious about this, and it genuinely terrifies me"- Nami said, her fingers trembling slightly as she reached into the box and pulled out the leather diary. -"I found this hidden in the men's quarters. Before you ask why I was snooping, I was looking for a ring I lost. On my way out, I noticed a black thing hidden under a badly placed floorboard. And it was this box."-

She laid the diary down and spread the loose pages across the table. -"There are a lot of loose papers in here that I thought were just trash at first. But then I looked closer at the drawings, the diagrams, the math. It all makes a horrible, sickening amount of sense together."-

Her eyes locked fiercely onto Sanji. -"And then there’s this textbook. 'Cannibalism: The Sacrifice of Survival.' I skimmed through it. The entire book is a guide on how to cook human flesh. Which parts are safe, which parts are toxic, and how to prepare them to maximize nutrition."-

-"HAHHHH! Who on earth would keep a book like that?!"- Chopper screamed, instantly scrambling backward and burying his face into Robin's chest.

At the doctor's horrified cry, the remaining color drained completely from Sanji's face. He didn't just look pale from Nami's accusation, he looked physically sick as he watched a wave of profound disgust and dawning horror twist the expressions of his nakama.

-"There's more"- Nami continued, her voice shaking as she lifted the diary. -"This diary is filled with personal notes from the owner. It goes into explicit detail... calculating exactly how many days a standard human body can sustain a crew, and how to ration it down to the absolute gram to prolong survival."-

The piece fell into place with a sickening click. A suffocating silence gripped the kitchen. No one dared to say the name out loud, but every single set of eyes slowly drifted toward the blonde chef. He looked completely, undeniably guilty, his face was as pale as a ghost, his breathing had turned shallow, and his right leg was bouncing frantically against the floor under the table.

Even thugh they rarely talked about it, the crew knew Sanji had an almost religious, obsessive relationship with food and waste. But they knew little about what he had actually survived on that rock. Except for Luffy, who carried the brief, brutal explanation Zeff had given him back at the Baratie.

-"Sanji... is this yours?"- Luffy asked quietly. He leaned forward, pulling one of the messy, mathematical diagrams closer, pretending to understand  what it is written on it just so he didn't have to look at the utterly shattered expression on his cook's face.

The frantic bouncing of Sanji's leg bounced even faster, vibrating against the floorboards, but he forced his facial features to remain entirely blank. He didn't look angry, sad, or defensive, he looked completely hollowed out.

-"I— Yes, it's mine..."- Sanji said, his voice quiet as he forced himself to look directly into his captain's eyes while eight other pairs of eyes stared into his soul. -"It's—it's not really what you think. I mean, yes, it is a survival guide I put together—but it's not because I want to eat any of you, or anyone else. I swear."-

He stuttered slightly, his suave composure completely fracturing. He had never, in his worst nightmares, intended for anyone to ever see this diary, not until the horrific day arrived where the crew's survival absolutely demanded it. Looking at their shocked faces, a dark, terrifying spiral took hold of his mind. 

-'They're going to want me off the ship. They'll find another cook who isn't sick in the head and thinking about fucking cannibalism. Would Zeff take him back after this? Would he even be able to look at his father face and told him of how he fucked up both of their dream for some fucked up idea about getting himself eaten?'-

-"Then what the fuck is all this shit for?"- Zoro interrupted, his rough voice cutting cleanly through Sanji's spiraling panic. -"Nobody keeps detailed butchering diagrams and an entire survival diary just for the hell of it."- Sanji just glared at him, too emotionally exhausted to even summon a real insult.

-"Zoro, don't be mean! I know Sanji has a reason, shishishi~"- Luffy said, letting out a small, forced laugh in an attempt to lighten the crushing pressure in the room.

Sanji’s gaze shifted to his captain, a painful ache blooming in his chest. -'How can he be so naive?'- Anyone else would be completely horrified to find out their chef was meticulously studying cannibalism, but Luffy just trusted him blindly. He wasn't even bothered by the dark reality of it.

How was he supposed to explain his logic behind it? How was he supposed to tell them he had spent months writing down the exact anatomical steps to prepare a human body just to keep them breathing? They were going to think he was insane and kick him on the next island.

-"Cook-san, you can take your time"- Robin said, her tone carrying a comforting yet characteristically morbid weight that made Usopp and Chopper flinch. -"You don't have to explain it right now. We trust you enough to know this isn't a pre meditated plot to murder us all and steal our organs."-

-"No... no, I'll explain it right now"- Sanji murmured, trying to force a weak, instinctual heart eye toward Robin, though it faded instantly and fooled absolutely no one.
He stood up slowly, stepping away from the table and moving toward Nami and the open box.
-"These are just notes I took a while ago. I haven't actually added any new research in a month or two—not that it changes anything bu— I'm getting off the point."-

He let out a long, ragged sigh, reaching into the box and deliberately spreading the messy papers across the counter.
-"I started this... 'project,' if you want to call it that, a couple of months after I joined the crew. Like I said, it's not because I want to hurt anyone."- He mumbled the last part entirely under his breath. -"I started searching for any historical records I could find about cannibalism back when we were near Alabasta. I didn't stop until recently, now that I have mostly everything we could ever need to know. There are—"-

-"What do you mean 'we'?! Are you planning to make us kill someone and eat them?!"- Usopp screamed, his hands slamming violently onto the table as he stood up, his eyes opening wide in pure terror.

-"No! Let me finish, for fuck's sake!!"- Sanji barked back, his patience snapping as he glared at the sniper.

He took a deep, shaky breath, his fingers tracing the edge of a heavily written page. -"As I was saying... These loose papers are just messy notes I took fast. But in the main book, everything is neat, detailed. Everything from how to painlessly kill someone without using poison that would contaminate the meat, to the exact cooking temperatures required for limbs. I know it's disgusting. I know it's weird. But I have a logical reason for it. This diary... it was only ever meant to be opened in an absolute extreme scenario. No one was ever supposed to know about it but me."-

-"That—that still doesn't explain anything, Sanji!"- Nami hissed, her hands gripping the edge of the table as she leaned forward, her eyes wide with a mixture of fear and deep hurt. -"Why would you make this? I don't understand!"-

-"Cook-san"- Robin's voice intervened, her brilliant mind putting the horrifying pieces together before anyone else could. -"Are you implying that this 'extreme scenario' is one where we completely run out of rations nowhere near an island?"-

-"Yes. That's correct"- Sanji said, his voice dropping into a flat, chillingly calm tone. -"It was made in case a situation like that happens and we have absolutely no other option... we go for that."-

Usopp's scream was so incredibly loud Sanji was certain it could be heard from multiple islands away. -"Are you fucking crazy, Sanji?! Why would you even think about something like that?! And who would even be the 'lucky' person to be literally eaten by everyone else?! Who would even wa—"-

-"Me, of course."-

The words fell like thick blocks in the middle of the kitchen.

-"That's why I wrote it all down"- Sanji continued, his voice steady, though his hands were clenched so tight his knuckles turned white at his sides. -"In case something like that happens, I will be the one getting eaten. I have researched exactly which parts of the body I can live without to keep cooking for you guys, and which limbs are substantial enough to last for days so you can reach land without starving. I already calculated the extra time my flesh would buy you all, whether we ration it to the bare minimum to survive, or treat it like any other meal I've served you before."-

The remaining color drained completely from everyone's faces, as if it had never existed in the first place. A heavy, suffocating weight dropped over the kitchen, nobody even dared to breathe after the horrific words that had just come out so naturally out of Sanji's mouth.

Sanji shifted uncomfortably under the collective weight of their stares. He looked around the table, his chest tightening as he realized they were staring at him as if he had just lost his mind, as if he was going completely mental.

But the suffocating silence didn't last long. Just as the silence came before, the kitchen erupted, everyone was shouting, their voices overlapping and colliding in a wave of frantic, panicked noise, but every single one of them was screaming at the exact same person. Their cook, Sanji.

-"What the hell has gotten into all of you?!"- Sanji barked, his voice straining over the noise as he threw his hands up. -"I didn't say something completely out of this world! Why are you all reacting like this?!"- His shout cut through the din, slamming the room back into a tense silence.

-"Cook, are you fucking stupid?!"- Zoro barked back, slamming both of his hands violently onto the table as he surged to his feet. -"You just told us you're going to kill yourself! How did you expect us to just sit here, agree to it, and do nothing?! Has that blonde finally got into your brain?!"-

-"Zoro is right! How did you expect us to react?!"- Nami chimed in, her voice cracking with a terrifying mixture of anger and sheer distress. She looked completely devastated, wearing an expression that mirrored the raw, helpless horror she had felt back at Thriller Bark. -"Even if we were ever in a situation that desperate, we would never let you do that! Not in a million years!"-

But Sanji’s face didn't soften, if anything, his expression turned even more stubborn.

-"No! I have to do it if you all are starving!"- the blonde argued back, his voice raw. In his absolute desperation, he didn't even notice he was shouting at one of his beloved ladies, he didn't seem to care that it was Nami he was fiercely talking back. -"It's my duty as your cook! I will never, ever let any of you die!"-

-"Sanji, wh—"- Luffy started, but Sanji cut him off completely.

-"NO! It is MY absolute duty as the chef of this ship!"-

Luffy blinked, a flash of genuine surprise crossing his features at how fiercely Sanji had just interrupted him. But that didn't stop the young captain. He stood up slowly, pushing his chair back, and walked right over to the trembling chef.

-"Sanji, you don't have to do that"- Luffy said, a soft reassuring smile breaking across his face. He completely ignored the shouts that kept coming from the blonde’s mouth, who was still practically vibrating with tension about his duties. -"If we ever run out of food, we'll just look for another option! You don't have to worry about it."-

He didn't care if Sanji thought it was his technical duty. Sanji was his cook, his crewmate, and his nakama. And to Luffy, Sanji was being incredibly stupid to think he would ever allow a sacrifice like that.

-"How can you not understand?!"- Sanji yelled, his eyes wide as he gestured wildly to the notes spread across the counter. -"It's my—"-

Plop.

The words died instantly in Sanji's throat. The world went dark for a fraction of a second as a familiar, heavy straw hat was unceremoniously pressed down onto his head, tilting forward to obscure his vision.

-"What...?"- Sanji breathed, his hands freezing at his sides.

-"Hehe! Sanji is so stupid!"- the captain laughed, giving the top of the hat a firm, affectionate pat. He looked up at Sanji with that bright gaze he reserved for the people he cared about was being completely ridiculous. -"If we ever run out of food, Franky and Nami will find a way to get us to an island hella fast, you dummy!"-

-"But what if—"-

-"It is not good to always live in the 'what if,' Cook-san. It isn't worth destroying your peace over"- Robin intervened gently. Her voice carried the warm, deeply comforting weight of an older sister. -"We can never truly predict the future. But if we indeed run out of food, we will figure out a way through it together. No one is going to die, even if you see this plan as a logical solution... it isn't. We wouldn't know what to do without you."-

-"I— No, that's..."- Sanji's voice faltered.

He looked around the room beneath the brim of Luffy's hat. He searched their faces for anger, for disgust, for the judgment he had been so terrified of facing. But there was nothing. Not a single person looked mad at him. Even Zoro’s face lacked any real anger, replaced instead by a deep look of concern. Every single one of them was looking at him with pure, unconditional worry.

The realzation hit him like a physical blow, leaving him completely breathless.

-"...I'm going out for a smoke"- the blonde muttered softly. He reached into his suit pocket, pulled out his pack of cigarettes, and carefully lifted the straw hat off his head and placed it gently back onto Luffy's dark hair before turning on his heel and heading out onto the deck.

The air left behind in the galley was thicker than ever. Everyone seemed entirely lost in their own thoughts, unable to truly comprehend that Sanji had gone so far as to write a literal manual on how to butcher and ration his own body. But the absolute worst part for the crew was realizing just how deeply dedicated he was to the idea, that he was entirely willing to commit suicide just so they wouldn't have to experience even the smallest fraction of hunger.

Usopp was the first to break the silence, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. -"Should... should we go out there and talk to him again?"-

Everyone knew that crowding Sanji right now probably wasn't the best move, but the thought of leaving him entirely alone with his dark thoughts didn't feel right either, not after what they had just found out.

Nami stood up, smoothing down her skirt and walking toward the door. Normally, she wasn't the best at comforting people, but she felt a profound weight of responsibility. After all, she was the one who had brought the box to light.

-"I want everyone to stay here"- Nami demanded, her voice soft but leaving no room for argument. -"Do whatever you need to do, but stay inside the galley. I'm going to keep Sanji company."-

—-------

Sanji walked slowly toward the deck, the sound of his steps echoing faintly on the Sunny's wooden floor. The sea breeze brushed his face, but even that calm brought him no comfort. His thoughts swirled like an unstoppable storm, what had just happened in the kitchen replayed over and over in his mind.

-‘What am I doing…?'- he thought as he leaned on the ship’s railing. The waves crashed against the hull, but he didn’t hear them. He could only hear the echo of his own voice -’Why don’t they understand? I did this for them… not to worry them…’

But that simple and complicated word —suffer—pierced his chest like a knife. It wasn’t just an abstract fear. He knew what it truly meant to starve, to feel your stomach devour itself, to watch life fade slowly as your body wasted away. He had lived it. Survived it. But barely.

And he still dreamed of it.

Some nights, he was back on that rock in the middle of the sea, ribs visible under his skin, waiting for food and someone to come and rescue him that never came. And Zeff… Zeff with his leg amputated, dried blood on his clothes, determined to let him live —a worthless brat who he had just met and saved him just because they shared a dream. It all haunted him.

-“I can’t… I can’t let them go through that. I can’t see Luffy, Nami, Usopp... any of them… like that. I can’t watch their eyes go empty, hear their stomachs groan in silence…”-

Sanji clenched his jaw. Guilt tore at him. Maybe that’s why he’d written that guide, maybe that’s why he’d made such a selfless decision. Because if someone had to make the sacrifice, it had to be him. Just like Zeff had done it for him. 

His gaze drifted toward the horizon, but all he saw was emptiness.

Zoro’s words, Nami’s, Robin’s, echoed in his mind. Each had expressed concern, but they didn’t understand. They couldn’t understand. At least not that much. 

-’You’re a fool, Sanji…They are the ones who understand it the most.'- he thought with a bitter smile.

The door to the deck opened, interrupting his thoughts. Sanji didn’t look up. He knew who it was — he could feel it in the air. Her scent, her presence. Nami.

A long sigh escaped his lips, but he didn’t move from his spot. -“You shouldn’t be here, Nami…”- he muttered, though he knew he couldn’t stop her.

She didn’t respond right away. Her silence felt heavy, as if she was thinking whether to approach or not. Finally, Nami spoke softly, but with firm determination.

-“Sanji, you’re not alone in this.”-

Sanji gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. A knot in his throat kept him from speaking. But in the end, what came out was something he’d kept buried for years.

-“Nami… you don’t know what it’s like… days, weeks…fuck even months with nothing! Feeling your body stop responding, thinking about tearing your own skin with your teeth because everything… Everything hurts. I lived it. Zeff and I nearly died because of it. I… saw him give his leg to save me.”

He opened his eyes slowly, now glassy.

-“I can’t let you go through that. I can’t imagine Chopper trembling from hunger. Luffy not smiling because he has no strength to do so. You…. I’d rather give my flesh. I’d rather die than watch you suffer like that.”-

Nami, feeling the brutal weight of his words, took a step toward him. She didn’t touch him, just looked at him, but her eyes were filled with pain and understanding.

-“Sanji… We’re not victims of the sea. We’re a crew. We won’t let any of us do something like that. Not even you.”-

-“But you don’t know how it feels,” he insisted, voice trembling. “You… you haven’t lived it.”-

-“No,” she admitted. “We haven’t. Not at least as the way you have. But that’s why we need you to guide us… not destroy yourself ahead of time.”-

Sanji lowered his head. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe both. He felt so tired.

-“And if one day… one day we run out of everything? What then?”-

Nami looked at him for a long moment. Not angry. Not smiling. Just… steady.

-“Then we search,”-she said finally. Her voice was quieter now. -“We survive. We will look for another alternative”-

Sanji frowned slightly. 

-“You’re right about one thing,”- she continued. -“Starvation doesn’t leave room for pretty choices. People break. Do things they never thought they would in seak of survival.”- Sanji's breath caught.

-“I won’t pretend I understand what you lived through,”- Nami said, eyes fixed on him. -“I won’t pretend I know what that type of hunger does to the mind. But I know this, planning to destroy yourself in advance isn’t the same as being ready to survive.”-

Sanji let out a weak, humorless laugh.

-“Sounds nice and simple when you say it like that.”-

-“I’m not trying to comfort you,”- she replied softly. -“I’m trying to be honest.”-

Silence stretched between them. The sea rolled on, indifferent.

-“What Zeff did was extraordinary,”- Nami went on. -“Not something people should be expected to replicate. And what you wrote… it scares me because I know you will do it if something happens.”-

Sanji finally turned to look at her.

-“That’s why I did it,”- he murmured. -“ If things get bad, hope isn’t enough and even less it's fear.”-

Nami nodded once.

-“I know.”-

That single word hit harder than any reassurance.

She stepped closer, not touching him yet.

-“But you don’t get to decide alone that you’re the price,”- she said firmly. -“Not for my life. Not for any of the others lifes.”-

Sanji swallowed, closing his eyes hard. 

-“You don't understand, Nami,”- he whispered. -“I just… if it ever happens again, I want you to have a way out, a real one. One I know it would work.”- he looked at her sharply -”Not an alternative you don't even know if it works or for how long it will last.”- He turned around, bringing his hands to his hair, beginning to squeeze and pull it. 

-” Sanji. Then we will look for- “- 

-”Nami, we are not a crew of five people anymore. We are ten, and more than the half of us have to eat like crazy!”- he said sharply turning himself to look at Nami -”If something happens we cannot resort to an alternative we don't even know!”- He thrashes his arms wildly trying to emphasize his point with a frustration that is clearly overflowing. -” it's stupid, Nami! So fucking stupid in so many ways!”-

Nami got taken aback from the sharp response from Sanji, not expecting him to snap at her. But seeing Sanji's state at that moment made her put her feelings aside for a minute -“And you were going to break for us?”-

He didn’t answer. Didn’t need to.

Nami exhaled shakily, then wrapped her arms around him. Knowing that for more than she talks to him…He will never change his mind. 

Sanji froze for a second before returning the hug, his face buried in her hair.

-“You’re not wrong for being afraid,”- she said quietly. -“But you don’t get to disappear or choose for us either.”-

After a moment, she pulled back slightly.

-“You need to talk to the others,”- she added. -“They are confused and scared that you will try to do something after...”- she stopped herself when she saw the tired smile from Sanji that didn't really reach his eyes. 

Sanji nodded.

-”just… let me catch a breath for a bit, ok?”- he whispered high enough for Nami to hear. 

The red haired stayed close to Sanji, not touching him anymore, but close enough that she could feel the heat from his body. Looking at the sea and trying -not really- to be subtle when she looked at him. 

-”I was thinking for a time alone Nami… just for a bit, I won't- I won't do anything, I swear.”- 

-”Yeah, right. I’m going back and tell the others that you will come soon enough.”- she nodded and slowly walked away into the galley again, but she couldn't take her eyes out of Sanji, how vulnerable he looked. How tired he was.

Sanji let himself breath only when he heard Luffy shouting at Nami behind the doors, his captain was asking dumb questions, even if he had jumped off the deck into the ocean, didn't know what to think about that to be honest, Luffy was, well, Luffy.

Even thought, what else did Nami want him to talk about? he had already explained everything. He couldn't think of anything to add, and it was pretty clear that neither him or the rest of the crew would change their opinions about that book and Sanji’s plan.

God he really didn't understand what was the big issue, it's not like he would actually kill himself, there was an alternative that they would reach some island even before having to start eating both sets of his limbs.

It was not long before he was in the last puff of his like… fourth cigarette. He knew he had to go back, even though he wished he could stay in the back and ignore everyone completely until they forgot about that stupid book until they actually needed it.

He slowly makes his way to the kitchen, the stud of his cigarette still in his mouth, chewing it to keep his nerves calm.

He could hear all the noises coming from the inside, they were clearly talking about him and his “fucked up book” like Zoro called it. They were worried, he knew it, but it was just too much, so annoying that they couldn't understand. 

When he opened the door silence greeted him, all eyes -and eye socket- were on him now.
He could feel their concern and worry in their eyes, but there were a slight anger in there too, he could tell it wasn't at him, but for what he did, they really couldn’t understand how he even thought about doing a book like that, how he could offer his life as if was not as valuable as theirs.

-”So what? what do you have to say for that stupid book huh?”- Zoro questioned sharply, getting glanzed by Nami and Usopp for his rudeness, even though he didn’t mean it like that. 

-”Sword-man dont be rude now”- Robin told him, resting her face in one of her hands, she was in the same position as before, sitting next to Franky and now with Chopper in her lap. -”But he’s got a point, we still want explanations for that book, Sanji”-

-”What other explanation yall want? I literally said everything!”- the blond argued back while playing with the stud of the cigarette between his fingers.

-”But it doesn’t make sense Sanji! What is written in that book is a suicide, how do you want us to not want an actual explanation!”- Chopper cried out from Robin’s lap.

-”Well I already gave you the explanation!”- The blond barked back. -”You want me to tell you again? Ok, I will tell you again then!”-

-”I wrote that book in case we run out of food and we don't have any islands nearby or alternative. Inside, I have what I estimate each person would have to eat in case of. I’m not planning on killing myself, most of the book I wrote it for myself to know which limb I can cook without dying or making myself a burden for all of you.
Before any of you start, the only moment I was planning to give myself completely would be if all of you really wouldn’t make it to the next island with only my limbs.”- He said somehow calmly after all he said.

Silence greet him again, they were all staring at him, they have all hear it before, but doing it again, seeing how calmly Sanji said it, not realizing how fucked up what he said was. That really disturbed every single one of them, they couldn’t believe Sanji was saying this right now. 

-” You have to be kidding! How can you say all of this and not realize how fucked up it is!?”- Usopp screamed standing up glaring at him.

-"I am not kidding, Usopp!"-Sanji shot back, his voice dropping to a low dangerous tone that made the sniper flinch. -"You think I like thinking about this? You think I want to look at my own hands and calculate how many meals there are? No! But I am the cook. If you all starve it is my failure"-

-"Sanji-bro..."-Franky’s voice was uncharacteristically quiet, his massive shoulders dropping. -"That ain't a failure. That's just the sea, you can't carry the weight of the sky on your back for us, man."-

-"I can and I will!"-Sanji slammed his fist onto the galley table making the black box jump. -"You don't get it! None of you get it! You've never felt it!"-

-"We get that you're being a dumbass!"- Zoro roared, finally stepping up until he was inches from Sanji’s face, his single eye blazing with a terrifying fury. He grabbed the front of Sanji's black suit jacket. -"You think we’re going to chew on your legs just to keep breathing? You think Luffy wants to become King of the Pirates by eating his own nakama?! If we ever got that desperate, curly-brows, I'd cut my own throat before I let you carve yourself up!"-

-"Zoro, stop!"-Chopper sobbed, burying his face in Robin’s chest as the tension in the room reached a boiling point. Robin didn't speak, but her usual calm facade was entirely gone, her hands were clenched tightly into Chopper’s shirt.

Sanji yanked himself out of Zoro’s grip, his breathing ragged, his blue eyes wide and fractured with years of buried nightmares. -"It's a practical solution to a worst case scenario! It's math! It's survival!"-

-"It's not survival if we lose you!"- Nami said. Her voice wasn't angry anymore. It was completely broken. She walked over, picking up all the papers the book and the the heavy diary, and before Sanji could stop her, she tossed them straight into the burning embers of the kitchen stove.

-"NAMI! WHAT ARE YOU—"-

Sanji lunged forward to save it, but a rubbery arm snapped out, wrapping around his chest like a steel vice.

-"Luffy, let go! The notes—!"-Sanji thrashed, but the grip only tightened.

Luffy didn't yell. He didn't stretch his mouth into a goofy grin. He just held Sanji from behind, pressing his forehead against the cook's shoulder blade. The straw hat giving a deep shadow over the captain's eyes.

-"No"-Luffy said. The single word carried the suffocating weight of a captain's command.

Sanji froze, his muscles locking up. The galley went entirely silent, save for the crackle of the fire in the stove devouring the pages of the diary.

-"I don't care about your math, Sanji"- Luffy whispered, his voice trembling slightly but completely unyielding. -"If we run out of food, I'll fish, I'll hunt Sea Kings, I'll eat wood, I'll eat the sky. But I'm not eating you. And you're not allowed to die for us like that. I won't let you leave the crew like that."-

A heavy, suffocating silence descended on the kitchen. Sanji stared at the stove, watching the edges of his meticulously written notes turn to black ash. His shoulders slowly dropped. The frantic, manic energy that had sustained his argument suddenly evaporated, leaving him hollowed out and utterly exhausted.

Luffy slowly uncoiled his arms but didn't step away, keeping a grounding hand on Sanji's shoulder.

-"You're our cook"-Luffy said softly, looking up to meet Sanji's eyes. -"Your job is to make us delicious food so we have the strength to adventure. Your job isn't to be the food. Understand?"-

Sanji didn't answer. He couldn't. His throat felt like it was coated in the very ash rising from the stove. He looked away from Luffy, his gaze drifting across the galley table.

The silence that followed wasn't the comfortable kind they usually shared. It was thick with the horrific realization of what Sanji had been carrying alone for months. Chopper was still trembling slightly against Robin, his small hooves clutching her shirt as if afraid Sanji might vanish if he let go. Usopp looked physically sick, his eyes wide, staring at the floor as he tried to process the fact that his friend had calculated the weight of his own flesh.

Even Zoro hadn't moved. His jaw was clenched so tightly a muscle twitched in his cheek, his gaze fixed entirely on Sanji. There was no mockery in the swordsman's eyes, only a profound, dark frustration. He knew what it was like to offer your life for the crew, he had done it before how many times. But to plan it? To write a textbook on how to butcher yourself? It was a level of systematic self-destruction that made his blood run cold.

-"You really think that little of your own life?"-Nami’s voice cut through the quiet, sounding incredibly small. She was looking at the burning remnants of the diary, tears finally welling up in her eyes. -"You think we’d just... sit here and eat lunch after that? You think any of us could ever look at the sea again without remembering that we ate our cook to survive?"-

-"It's not about what you think of it"-Sanji whispered, his voice cracking, completely stripped of his usual calm demeanor. He finally looked up, his blue eyes glassy, staring at them with a desperate vulnerability. -"It's about keeping you alive. You don't understand... When hunger sets in, dignity goes out the window, pride doesn't matter. I wanted... I wanted to make sure that if the worst came, you wouldn't have to choose who dies. I would already be dead. It would just be... resources."-

-"We are not animals, Cook-san"- Robin said softly, her voice carrying a rare, trembling weight. -"And we will not become monsters, even to survive."-

Sanji closed his eyes tightly, a single tear slipping down his cheek before he quickly brushed it away with the back of his hand. He felt entirely exposed. The walls he had built around him had been completely torn down, and instead of pushing him away or calling him crazy, his crew was standing there, fiercely guarding his right to live. It was terrifying, but beneath the terror, a strange, agonizing warmth was starting to settle in his chest.

He reached automatically for his pocket, only to realize he’d smoked his last cigarette out on the deck. He stared at his empty fingers, feeling lighter than he had in months. The nightmare of the rock would never vanish, but the walls of the Sunny felt a whole lot warmer against the cold emptiness of the rock.

The silence stretched again, taut and heavy. Sanji still didn't agree with them. His mind was still trapped on that lonely rock, whispering that survival demanded horrific choices.

-"The cook isn't entirely wrong."-

Zoro's voice cut through the quiet, blunt and low. Sanji snapped his eyes open, his brow furrowing, but the swordsman wasn't looking at him with anger. He was staring out the kitchen window at the endless sea.

"The ocean is a nightmare," Zoro continued, crossing his arms over his chest. -"We’ve all seen what happens when people get desperate. We know what hunger does to a man's head. If we ever truly ran out of everything, miles away from an island... things would get ugly. Pretending otherwise is just stupid."-

Sanji frozen, his blue eyes widening slightly. He hadn't expected Zoro—of all people—to acknowledge the stark reality of his fears.

Nami looked from Zoro back to Sanji, exhaling a shaky breath as she wiped her eyes. The fierce anger completely left her expression, replaced by a deep, painful empathy. -"Zoro's right, Sanji. We aren't naive. We know the world can be cruel, and we know... we understand why you carry that weight. We aren't dismissing what you went through."- The readhead affiermed

She looked around the room, gestured faintly to the others, and then looked back into Sanji's eyes. -" Fuck, Sanji almost all of us have experienced hunger in one way or another. Maybe not in the exact way you did, but we've lived through it. We've known what it's like to have little or nothing, to wonder if a meal is coming, to feel that desperation. Out of anyone on this sea, we are the ones who best understand what it feels like to be hungry. We know how much it hurts."-

She took a step closer to the stove, looking at him with an intensity that demanded he listen. -"But what you wrote... that can't be an everyday plan. It can't be a checklist you're waiting to fulfill. If the absolute worst happens, and the sea leaves us with truly no other choice... then we will face that hell together as a last resort. But only when every single fish is gone, every Sea King is missed, and every other option on this earth has failed. Until then, you don't get to decide you're just 'resources' ahead of time."-

Sanji stared at her, the knot in his throat tightening, but a sudden, profound wave of relief washed over him. They weren't just shouting at him to stop being crazy or hiding behind empty optimism. They were seeing the horror of his past while drawing a protective line around his future. They were letting him know that his plan was an absolute final boundary, one they would only ever cross if the universe completely broke them first.

He didn't want to fight them anymore. Not about this. The exhausting weight in his chest finally settled into a tentative peace.

-"Fine"-Sanji muttered, his voice quiet, dropping his shoulders in a silent surrender. He turned back toward the counters, consciously letting the tension bleed out of his posture so they would stop looking at him with such heartbreaking worry. -"The diary is gone anyway. I won't rewrite it."- For now at least.

Zoro let out a long, slow breath through his nose, leaning back against the wall. The fierce, defensive anger in his single eye softened into a quiet, watchful understanding. He knew the cook hadn't entirely abandoned his stubborn martyr complex, but he appreciated the truce.

-"Good"-Luffy said, a faint, relieved smile finally breaking through his serious expression. He let his hand drop from Sanji’s shoulder and patted his stomach, intentionally trying to steer the crew away from the edge of the emotional cliff. -"Because thinking makes me hungry. Sanji! Is lunch ready yet?"-

-"It'll be ready when it's ready, you idiot captain"-Sanji huffed. The response was mechanical, a familiar routine to mask the raw vulnerability still pulsing in his chest, but as he grabbed a fresh frying pan, a small, genuine piece of his usual self returned. -"Now clear out of my kitchen so I can actually work."-

The crew didn't burst into loud, rowdy laughter right away, Usopp gave a shaky sigh of relief, helping a still sniffling Chopper down from the table, while Franky gently guided them toward the door. Slowly, quietly, the crew began to file out to give their cook some space, the soft murmur of their voices fading onto the deck.

Nami lingered by the door for a second, watching him set a pot of water on the stove. She caught Sanji’s eye, gave him a quiet, reassuring nod that promised they would keep an eye on him, and softly walked out.

But the door didn't click shut.

Sanji didn't even have to turn around to know who had stayed behind. The heavy, rhythmic scuff of boots against the floorboards stopped right by the edge of his counter. Sanji focused his eyes on the vegetables he was chopping, his knife hitting the cutting board with precise, rhythmic thuds.

-"If you're staying behind to get extra sake just because you acted worried, forget it, marimo"- Sanji muttered, his voice still slightly rough but regaining its usual sharp edge. -"I'm not giving you a single drop."-

-"Hah? Who said I was worried about you, curly-brows?"- Zoro grunted, leaning his hip against the counter and crossing his arms. -"I just wanted to make sure you didn't accidentally poison lunch in your pathetic state."-

Sanji let out a small, huffed breath. It was a lie, and they both knew it, but it was familiar territory. It was safe.

A comfortable silence settled between them, broken only by the bubbling water on the stove and the steady thump-thump of Sanji's knife. It wasn't the suffocating quiet from earlier; it was the quiet of two men who understood the weight of a life—or—death burden.

A few moments passed before Zoro broke the silence, his tone dropping into something incredibly dark and dead serious.

-"Listen to me, you idiot cook"- Zoro said, his single eye locking onto the side of Sanji's face. -"If I ever see that book again, or anything even slightly similar to it, I will be the one skinning you alive personally. You hear me? So you better not dare to pull some stupid trick like that again."-

Sanji’s knife paused for a fraction of a second. He didn't look up, but his shoulders tightened slightly.

-"I mean it"- Zoro continued, his voice softening just a fraction, though his words remained blunt. -"I get where you're coming from. I do. Fuck, I’ve experienced hunger too, and I've thought some pretty damn dumb shit when my head was messing with me. But that doesn't mean it's okay. And it doesn't mean I'm gonna let you do it."-

Sanji stared at the cutting board for a long moment. He remembered the stories of how Zoro had survived tied to a post for weeks without food when Luffy first met him. He knew Zoro wasn't talking out of his ass. The swordsman knew what the hunger did to your mind, too. Hearing him admit it—and threaten to kill him himself before letting him self-destruct—finally put the last of Sanji's frantic thoughts to rest, at least for a bit.

-"Yeah, yeah"- Sanji murmured softly, finally resuming his chopping. His tone lacked any real heat. -"I hear you, you mosshead."-

Zoro stared at him for a second longer, satisfied with the answer, before pushing himself off the counter. He turned and walked out of the galley, the door finally clicking shut behind him.

Left alone in the warmth of the galley, surrounded by the familiar hum of the stove and the steady rhythm of his own breathing, Sanji leaned against the counter. He took a deep breath, looking out the window at the endless horizon. He was still the man haunted by hunger of his past, and he knew he always would be. But for now, he may have started realizing he didn't have to carry the weight of the sea entirely on his own.

Turning back to the ingredients on the counter, Sanji began to cook for his beloved crew.