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01. i’m so fortunate
taeyeon brushes eunsook’s hair with an antique brush, the softest bristles she could find, caressing the tangles into supplication. her wife’s hair was so long, to her waist, & still held the vibrant ebony of their youth.
they’re quiet, the only sound the bristles setting about their task. she begins to hum, an old song, one that reminds her of their life so many decades ago. she nearly cries when eunsook hums along. it’s been so long since her beloved has spoken, made noise beyond stuttered breath.
what she wouldn’t give to hear that melodious voice again, to hear her sing with the vibrancy & richness she had when they were young. before age & illness had robbed her of memory & function, left a smattering of pieces of who she was in a body too frail to live alone.
taeyeon kisses her head, & continues to brush.
02. soldier
taemin watches jinki sleep, fitful & always on the verge of a nightmare. he’s not certain whether he’s awake or asleep himself; he remembers that jinki lives in only one of his worlds but he can never remember which & they’re all full of liars, telling him the present one was the truth.
angels, demons, humans.
he pulls jinki into his arms, holds him tight & lets the warm tears fall over his hands.
it’s becoming too much. he needs a reconciliation to his questions, he needs to know how to protect jinki against the rampages of time & the war waging in whatever reality this is.
he needs to know what reality this is.
“forgive me,” he whispers, as he feels himself slip away, pulled by the fates & set adrift.
03. mirotic
taemin shoves everything off the counter with absolute fury, twisting around & hopping up, grabbing jinki’s collar & yanking him over. this is happening & it’s happening here & it’s happening now because he is tired of this dance.
how much more obvious does he need to make it?!
they’re too amped & he’s more than prepared & soon enough they’re fucking on the clean counters, taemin’s head thunking off a cabinet door & fingers white from gripping the edge. it’s cold & he doesn’t care because fuck it’s about damn time.
jinki is sucking on his collarbone & he pulls him up & forces his tongue inside, groaning into his mouth.
it’s quick & brutal, just sex & hormones, a desperate release of lust.
04. piece of me
taemin watches jinki from his perch in the stiff plastic chair, the ivs in his boyfriend’s arm no longer a surprise but upsetting all the same. he had been fine a few days ago. well, no, taemin thinks with guilt, of course he hadn’t been. he knows the signs & they were all there but it’s intoxicating when jinki’s elevated & sometimes it’s good, exciting even. but it lasted too long, he went too high & there’s nowhere to go when you hit the top but back down.
he just hadn’t anticipated that he would plummet.
he holds the hand not attached to a needle loosely in his own & rubs his rosary ring, praying that jinki will forgive him for letting him soar too far.
05. fantasy
“seriously?” jinki’s holding up fluffy handcuffs, the stereotype of every bad bdsm joke.
“not mine, kibum’s.” taemin murmurs, rummaging through a box on the other side of his bedroom.
“what are you looking for?” taemin pauses & looks up, his eyes wide.
“i…don’t remember.”
“why don’t we just get back to the list then?”
“’k.” he comes up behind jinki & leans over his shoulder, his hands resting on jinki’s chest & waist.
“public bathroom?”
“check.”
“library?”
“only the university one. we should try a public one.”
“see, my only hesitation there is kids.” taemin nods. that had not crossed his mind & that was a salient point.
“park?”
“um…not that i recall. we should avoid ones with playgrounds, obviously.”
“obviously.”
taemin’s hands have started straying, playing with a nipple & rubbing ever closer to jinki’s groin.
“how about here?”
“it’s your bedroom. that’s hardly wild.”
“we’re making a list. that’s hardly spontaneous.”
“fair point.”
“besides,” he whispers into jinki’s ear, “jonghyun & minho are on their way & i left the front door unlocked.”
06. let go
it’s clichéd & he doesn’t care, standing in the pouring rain as they’re slowly drenched in the warm downpour.
“we could…be more.” taemin’s watching him warily & he’s earned the distrust. doesn’t hurt any less.
“more what?”
“…than friends. we could be more than friends.” taemin puffs out a breath of air & looks away. it’s agony waiting for him to look back, to keep quiet & let him speak first.
“yes.” his voice is wavering & jinki thinks he sees tears in his eyes, startled to actually see them when taemin looks his way again.
he lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, tears pricking his own eyes & he rushes forward to pull taemin into an embrace, startled when taemin steps away.
“you have to tell him first.”
07. whatta man
eunsook is dancing around their apartment in gray short shorts & a pink piece of fabric masquerading as a shirt, a duster in hand that she brushes haphazardly over the blades of their ceiling fan, bookshelves, tables, & blinds. she has earphones in & is swirling her hips in an approximation of a dance that is doing far more for taemin than he is prepared to deal with at seven in the morning on a tuesday when he’s rushing out the door.
she smiles at him seductively when she catches his eyes on her, slipping her earbuds out in a way that is mesmerizingly sexy & he still has no idea how she manages to make even the smallest movements hot.
“you look like you’re going somewhere.” she rakes her eyes over his suited frame & he feels his body heat up under the scrutiny. at least she seems pleased with what she sees.
“yeah…” it’s all he can get out; swallowing has become a complicated action as she starts moving towards him.
“why?” she’s walking her fingers up his chest with a cheshire grin & honestly he’s trouble remembering himself.
“work.”
“you’re sick.”
“what?”
“according to your office, you have the flu & won’t be in all week.” her eyes widen & her eyebrows raise, a satisfied smile on her face.
“what?”
“i gotta good man. he deserves a reward.”
08. ringa linga
taeyeon has her head thrown back & is screaming at the top of her lungs. it is the party of the season & she is there alone & she doesn’t care. two jell-o shots too many & she is feeling herself, dancing smoothly on the concrete with bare feet & a warm chest. two hands slip around her waist & she pushes them away because she came alone & no one asked to touch her.
consent, damnit; it’s not a hard concept.
she doesn’t turn to see who it was & doesn’t move from her spot because she was there first & she saw gwiboon & jonghyun earlier; if anything goes sideways she knows gwiboon will help her out.
“hey. mind if i join you?” she opens her eyes & gasps because there is a.hot.guy standing right in front of her with the broadest shoulders she’s ever seen & she might be a little tipsy.
“yes,” she responds eagerly, confused when he looks at her in confusion.
“yes you mind?”
“no.”
“no?”
she grabs his hand. “come dance with me!” she slips his hands, small she thinks, around her waist where the stranger’s had been & begins moving their bodies to the music, encouraged when he follows her lead.
a man who can keep rhythm is always a man for taeyeon.
09. i won’t give up (jinki’s version)
they’ve been born in wrong ages again.
jinki watches as taemin toddles his way across a playground, his soul mate at least forty years his junior in this lifetime. he knows they’ll find each other again, they always do. maybe he’ll cycle through again during this incarnation of taemin & he won’t be the only one to know that they missed.
it’s worth it, every time, even the lifetimes they spend apart.
10. my chick bad
tae revels in the way passersby look at their girlfriend eunsook, often twice because her beauty can’t be truly appreciated in a single glance & demands at least one double-take.
especially now.
denim cut offs that are obscene even by tae’s measurement (not that they mind at all) & knit tank that dips low & clings to her curvaceous body, her feet encased in hot pink converse. (she can’t bike in flip-flops, disaster every time, & she can’t find her sandals.)
she sucks on a popsicle because it is nearly 100 degrees & too hot for anything else. which makes it just that much more delicious when she looks up at tae with wide eyes & asks “what?” as though it weren’t obvious why her girlfriend was watching her. & of course she knows, winking as she begins slowly licking her popsicle, keeping her eyes on tae, both of them giggling as they hear one of the guys passing mutter, “fuck”.