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Dear Fujisaki
Hello. I don’t know how much of… everything you can see up there, or how much you remember, so forgive any gaps in this. The name you- and everyone- knew me by was Byakuya Togami. I was the Ultimate Affluent Progeny, and a member of your class. Then Junko hosted a Killing Game and wiped all of our memories, one thing led to another, you died, and I survived. I won’t bore you with all the details, but, needless to say, all of the survivors have been forced into therapy. My therapist instructed me to select one classmate and write letters to them, so… here we are. I do hope you’re not too offended by my choosing you, but I assumed that out of everyone you’d be the least likely to haunt me eternally. Sorry about that. Then again, it’s not exactly like you’d have known either way. You’re dead. I suppose there’s meant to be some tragedy in that, in me writing to you while knowing more about your life than you do yourself- we were missing memories, by the way. Fun. Anyways, I think this is enough for my therapist to let me pass, so I hope you enjoyed our brief one-sided imaginary conversation.
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Fujisaki
Yes, yes, laugh it up. Doctor Fujita was not too pleased with my lacklustre attempt at “bonding” with you and “making amends”, whatever that means. Doctor Fujita, as I suspect you’ll be hearing about plenty, is a stickler for the rules, and takes no small amount of pleasure in making my life living Hell. I believe there were times in the Killing Game that I enjoyed more than these gruelling therapy sessions. I don’t feel like I’m really writing to you, not when Doctor Fujita is just wanting to look at what I’ve written. Whatever the case, I don’t particularly care. You’re not going to haunt me, you’re too stupidly nice. I don’t know what I’m meant to say here. Whatever I write, as long as I know it’ll be read, is just performative. I don’t like that, and I’m assuming you don’t, either. See? I’m finding more similarities between us. Bonding. And I’m sorry for trying to have some fun during the Killing Game, and possibly manipulating your corpse to frame Fukawa. To be fair, at least I didn’t grope you, nor did I grope you then out your secret to the entire class. I could be worse. I could be Kirigiri or Ogami. See?
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Fujisaki
We had a lot in common. I’m only realising this as I’m forced to inspect your character in relation to my own as part of this assignment, but I am noticing more similarities than I expected. Both of us only had our fathers, for one. According to Naegi, you liked reading. I, too, enjoy reading. Tea, as well. I was also vegetarian for a good few years when I was younger. I never knew you were vegetarian until I started researching you. Both of us attached our worth to our talent and used it to guide us through our lives. Neither of us liked loud noises or going outside. We both attached a lot of pride to our masculinity. We both wore green. Apparently, you had glasses, too. You just never wore them. Neither of us were particularly willing to make any close friends. Both of us were intelligent. We’re both our father’s only son of worth. And, I suppose, it would be stupid to compare ourselves without talking about our shared
(The word was scored out with a pen so many times that it tore a hole through the paper.)
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Fujisaki
I’m sorry, okay? I know that playing with corpses is wrong, I just… I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m well aware that isn’t much of an excuse, but… paranoia drives people off of the edge. We all saw what happened to Maizono and Kuwata- apologies for the reminder- and while I loathe to compare myself to the likes of them, at the time, I was admittedly scared. I didn’t particularly enjoy being weak in a position in which harm could be brought upon me, and I lashed out. I admit that it was not too dissimilar to a child throwing a tantrum. I’ve changed as a person since, but I know it was wrong. I had this twisted desire to make myself more important than everyone else again, to pull some sort of strings to put me back into control. You were my unfortunate victim. I did not intend, in any way, shape, or form, for your gender to be discovered or used against you. This is humiliating, if Naegi sees this he’ll never let me hear the end of it with his “hope speeches”- oh, he’s the Ultimate Hope now-, so could you perhaps not tell him? Thank you.
Sincerely,
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Fujisaki
It’s been a few weeks, hm? My therapist hasn’t been forcing me to write anymore, so I’m free to write whatever I want without judgement. So, I will. But first, I’ve been talking about myself an awful lot lately, so I’ll catch you up on everyone else. Owada allowed himself to be caught, and he doesn’t hold any grudges. Unfortunately, the loss of Owada led Ishimaru… off the edge, to put it politely. Your Alter Ego- very impressive, by the way- was discovered, and so was the replication feature. Ishimaru got a little too excited about that. I thought it was insensitive, but what do I know? I’m hardly a snowflake myself. Ishimaru ended up getting himself killed by Yamada, who falsely believed Ishimaru had assaulted Yasuhiro. Yasuhiro- Celestia Ludenberg’s real name, not Hagakure- had planned for both of their deaths so she could escape with money, however she failed her ploy rather pathetically.
Ogami revealed herself to be a traitor, and some of us had… unsavoury reactions that drove her to suicide. This next part gets complicated, so bear with me. After Ogami’s suicide, Alter Ego was executed. As it turns out, the Junko Enoshima you saw die wasn’t the real Junko Enoshima. It was her twin sister, Mukuro Ikusaba, the Ultimate Soldier. Ikusaba’s body was re-used, and Naegi was framed for her murder. He was nearly executed until Alter Ego saved him. Enoshima- the real one- turned out to be the Mastermind, and also she ended the world. Your father… survived a respectable amount of time, before he died protecting Fukawa and Naegi’s sister. We’re all with the Future Foundation, now. They’re this big group of people that are trying to eradicate Despair. There was this whole thing with some children that Ensohima groomed into killing everyone in Towa City, but that’s mostly under wraps. The only unusual thing now is Naegi acting… odd. Whatever.
Sincerely,
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Fujisaki
I lied when I told you why I chose to write to you. It isn’t because of ghosts or hauntings. I admire you. Plain and simple. In fact, I’m almost jealous of you. We’re… not too different, you and I. The only difference is that I had to stop crossdressing, and you didn’t. That’s it. That’s my secret, too. It’s strange to think that you were so hell-bent on telling Owada your secret when somebody with the same one was only a few steps away, but it’s hardly like you knew. You’re the first person I ever told. I think I enjoy it for not too dissimilar reasons as you might’ve. I enjoy the safety blanket it provides. Men and women are treated differently, and sometimes it’s nice to be treated as worth protecting. But, yes. Byakuya Togami is a crossdresser. That’s it. That’s the big secret. Looks like the two of us are in the same boat, hm? I’d ask you to keep your silence, but you seem pretty good at that so far. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Fujisaki
I bought a skirt. I don’t see why you’d want to know, but I don’t quite understand a lot of things about you. I was clothes shopping with Kirigiri, and I slipped it in with her clothes. She paid for it, unfortunately, but I can’t exactly confess to being a crossdresser. We both know what she does to crossdressers, and I’d rather maintain my dignity. I snuck it out of her pile while she was distracted by an unexplained banging noise and flickering lights. It wasn’t even expensive; only 2,500 yen. She didn’t even notice- so much for being the Ultimate Detective. I don’t know why I did it, I just felt this compulsion to. Now it’s neatly folded at the bottom of a drawer, never to be seen again. I hope so. I’m not wearing it. Even having it in the same room as me feels like having an active bomb glued to my hands. I don’t know how you were so brave. I’m quite frankly terrified of that thing. I suppose we can both be weak men together? Sorry, that’s insensitive.
Sincerely,
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Fujisaki
Makoto Naegi, former Ultimate Lucky Student, Ultimate Hope, saviour of the world, is a bumbling moron. He is nothing but a buffoon, and the fact that he hasn’t died yet is a gift unimaginable that requires higher powers to be at play to make it even feasible. Naegi is an idiot. A simpleton. Do you know what this fool did? Do you? No? This clown, this joke of a man, decided that his next project should be getting a bunch of sociopathic mass-murderers together on an island to redeem them. He says there is hope in everyone, but there is no room for hope in me. I’m beyond hope. I’ve done too much damage; all I can do is mitigate harm and try to talk Naegi out of stupid decisions. I’ve failed with the latter half of this task. Let us hope I can keep this dimwit alive long enough to realise that this is a decision that cannot end well.
Sincerely,
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Fujisaki
In amongst all of the prep for this Neo World Program, I broke a promise. I put the skirt on. Again, your bravery exceeds me. I checked if my door was locked around a thousand times, barricaded it, tore my room apart searching for hidden cameras, then finally put it on. It was a nice skirt. Long and flowy, with a dark green fabric that was just splendid. You should’ve seen it, Fujisaki. It was beautiful. This is embarrassing to confess, but I spent a solid half hour just spinning in it. I never understood why men’s clothing had to be so restricting in what it let the wearer do. It’s oddly comfortable. I don’t know why women’s clothing has a rep for being uncomfortable, even if there is a disproportionate lack of pockets. This is so massively inappropriate.
Men shouldn’t wear women’s clothing, but I think that rule’s intrinsically flawed. I’m still the same person as I was before wearing the skirt… kind of. I don’t know. Being a girl is obviously different from being a boy. The “girl” thing is kind of just an act, but it’s like a role I keep coming back to playing because she’s my favourite? Whatever the case, I took the skirt off. I’m still petrified that somebody somehow saw me, but I’m myself. Not the girl.
Yours truly,
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Fujisaki
Somehow, impossibly, Naegi’s stupid plan worked. The Future Foundation are understandably mad at him, and I had to see some things I’d rather not talk about, but the Remnants are redeemed. I think you’d like them. Hanamura cares a lot about his family, too. The Imposter… well. Koizumi cared a lot about her friends, Pekoyama liked cute things, Saionji got underestimated because of her appearance, Mioda liked her friends getting along, Tsumiki was always so apologetic even though she didn’t have to be, Nidai liked helping people become stronger, Tanaka was… funny, kind of cute, I suppose… Komaeda would’ve gotten on great with you, I think. Your self-esteems are equally abysmal, while your views of others are too high. I’m assuming you’ve met Nanami. Hinata’s very down-to-earth, Souda works with machines, too, Sonia is very polite, Owari is very passionate, and Kuzuryu is essentially Owada but he wouldn’t kill you. How do you feel about that, I wonder?
Alter Ego isn’t the same as you, I’ve discovered. Talking to him isn’t like how talking to you was at all. He’s faker. Simpler. He lacks the complexities, the dichotomies that made you… you. I’ve tried, Lord knows I’ve tried, but… well… I miss you. We never had a real conversation, but I wish we had. I think, in another universe, we would’ve been good friends. Maybe. I hope so. You and Naegi would get along great. You were both always so optimistic, always seeing the best in people. You would’ve whole-heartedly agreed with his plan to redeem the Remnants. Well, you're both right. They’re redeemed.
…Sometimes, I wonder if I can be redeemed. I don’t have the excuse of Enoshima’s control as a mitigating factor, though. I just hurt you for the sake of hurting you. I’m… not a very good person. I’m glad we were never friends, I think. You don’t deserve me.
Yours truly,
Byakuya Togami
(The paper is stained with dots of smudged ink. Dried tears, most likely.)
…
Dear Fujisaki
I think… while I’m wearing the skirt, I’m not quite Byakuya Togami. I’m wearing the skirt right now, and there’s a mental disconnect. It’s a mindset thing, I think. I’ve got a “boy” brain and a “girl” brain. I wish I could ask you if you felt the same way, but… I can’t exactly ask Hagakure, now can I? I think my gender is some weird toss up between the girl side and the boy side. I’m a boy, but the girl side is still kind of… there. I just hide her, really well. Anyways, the point is, I’m not Byakuya Togami. He’s a man, the type of man who’s never thought about gender once in his life. So, I decided to pick a new name! Fun, right? Polaris, for the North Star. It’s the brightest in the sky, and… it’s kind of like you, in that people still look to it for guidance now. My full name is Polaris P Polanski. Polanski is just derived from the Czech word for a clearing or a glade. Very serene, very feminine. Right? I don’t know. I’m hardly an expert. I like the name, anyway. I like the name and the skirt, and I like being more complicated than I thought I was. It makes this game a little less boring, you know what I mean?
Of course you know. You know everything, Chihiro. Well, nearly everything. You don’t know what the P. stands for in my middle name. And you never will, because admittedly I don’t know either. I just thought it sounded cute. Which means it stands for nothing, and I’ve now told you that… You win yet again.
Yours forevermore,
Polaris P. Polanski
…
Dear Fujisaki
I feel immoral writing this, but I’ve been toying with the thought of introducing Polaris to others. Not to live as her full-time, but Makoto and Kyoko, at the very least, deserve to meet her. After everything they’ve tolerated from me, they deserve to meet her. Right? They’ve all shared their secrets with me, it’s only right that I do the same. They accepted you, didn’t they?
But you died. It’s harder to disrespect a corpse, especially if you’ve already hurt them. And they weren’t exactly the most welcoming, now were they? No, they weren’t. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with the only two real friends I have, after everything we’ve been through. My internal mockery of myself is enough, I can’t take them belittling me, too. There is only so much that I can take.
Just writing this makes me feel warmer. I don’t know why, but I always feel safest writing to you. I think the best move is to just wait things out, to see what the future brings. There’s always time. I can tell them whenever I’m ready. Right? Right. Thank you. Even without speaking, you always make everything right. Just another one of your repertoire of talents, I suppose.
You can never be special enough, can you?
Yours forevermore,
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Fujisaki
The Remnants situation has blown over. We stopped in town near Hope’s Peak Academy. Near your grave. I’ve not visited you just yet. I need to find the best flowers. White orchids and a whole array of colours of the gladiolus flowers. Not pink, though. Never pink. I need to find the best for you. You deserve it, for listening to my incessant rambling. You deserve better than some measly flowers. Unfortunately, unless you’re planning on descending from the Heavens… flowers will have to do.
Yours forevermore,
Byakuya Togami
…
“...He owes me 2,500 yen.” Kyoko tutted. Makoto stayed at her in disbelief, gesturing helplessly between her and the letters they stumbled across. Well, stumbled applied innocence and a lack of intention. Makoto knew Kyoko was looking for something, but not this. Absolutely not this. “This does explain why he made up a work conference this afternoon.” And there was the mystery that she wanted to solve.
“What do we do!?” Makoto didn’t quite whine, but he was getting there. “How do we let Togami- Um… Byakuya? Polaris? Ugh- How do we let them know we’ll always support them without telling them that we were snooping through their stuff!? We’re such awful people…”
“He had an entire letter devoted to calling you an idiot.” Kyoko pointed out.
“Well, he can’t be too nice. It’ll kill him.” Makoto explained.
“I’m not sure if that’s how it works.” Kyoko argued weakly, placing the letters precisely where she’d found them.
“What do we do!?” Makoto echoed.
Kyoko sighed. “We just support him whenever he’s ready to tell us. We don’t force anything.”
“Y-Yeah. You’re right…”
“What else is new?”
…
Dear Fujisaki
Your grave already had bouquets upon bouquets of flowers on it. I hope you notice mine anyways. I spoke to your grave. I told you how much I missed you, and how much you meant. I don’t know if you heard me, but I hope you did. I felt that warmth again. I think it’s a sign. I need to do what you did. I need to tell them the truth. Wish me luck.
Yours forevermore,
Byakuya Togami
…
Dear Chihiro
They accepted me. Of course they did. They told me that I would always be their friend, no matter what clothes I donned or name I used. As long as I was the same “loveable prick”, they’d never leave me. They love me. We all love each other mutually, because that’s what friends are for. Kyoko said she’d take me dress shopping. Makoto spent the entire time stammering and trying to decide between pronouns and names. I told him the truth- Unless I’m wearing a skirt, I’m Byakuya Togami, and Byakuya Togami is a male. The second I’m wearing a skirt, I’m Polaris P. Polanski, and she’s a woman. They didn’t accuse me of anything, or shame me. They just showed me unconditional love, and that scared me in a good way. It just felt so, so safe. Not an entirely unfamiliar safety, though, now was it? This whole segment was probably not worthwhile- Hell, most of this wasn’t- considering the truth.
It was you. The warmth, the distractions… all of it was you. I realised as I was telling them the truth and I felt that warmth again, the comforting one. When they took too long to respond, a gust of cold wind blew. That was you. I know it was. I was never superstitious, but I won’t deny reality. It’s ironic, I think. I chose you so a spirit wouldn’t haunt me, and here I am, haunted by the nicest spirit I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world. I still don’t understand how you could be so nice, and I don’t think I will for quite some time now. I’m learning. I’m learning about what love is, and how it feels. I’m learning how to be nicer. I’m trying to cut down on eating meat- save the animals, y’know?- and trying to be braver. You are an aspiration and a gift to this unjust world, which never deserved you.
From the very bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. For every life you’ve saved and changed irreparably.
Thank you, Chihiro Fujisaki.
Yours Forevermore,
Byakuya Togami
Polaris P. Polanski
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