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Salix Sawako, Night's End, terror of Osaka's underworld, keeper of a city that ran on chaos and grudging respect, smiled.
It was a customer service smile.
It was also a smile that promised murder if anyone mentioned the frills.
He smoothed the front of his maid dress for the seventh time in thirty seconds. Black silk and lace, the bodice cut low enough to be interesting but high enough to be technically appropriate, the skirt ending at a length that made his stockings and garters very visible. A silver choker rested at his throat, matching the silver chain that draped from his collar to his shoulder. His hair was styled, black layers swept left, the long braid resting on his right shoulder, tiny silver threads woven through it like stars caught in dark silk.
He was gorgeous.
He was miserable.
"I hate this place," he said, voice flat.
"You love this place," Sakura said, adjusting her own much more modest maid dress. "You own this place."
"I hate owning this place."
"You get to wear that dress."
"That is exactly why I hate it."
From across the cafe, Kaminari, Ryoko, in his civilian identity, shifted uncomfortably. He was wearing a black vest over a white button-up, the sleeves rolled to his elbows, a neat black bowtie at his throat. Professional. Clean. Safe.
And then there was the skirt.
A black miniskirt, pleated and very short, barely reaching mid-thigh. He'd been tricked into it. Tricked. Sakura had said it was "part of the uniform" and that "everyone was wearing one" and that "it would look great on him."
She had lied.
It did not look great on him.
He looked like he was about to cry.
"I'm going to kill her," Kaminari said, his voice flat. "I'm going to kill Sakura and I'm going to make it look like an accident."
Sayuri, stationed at the register in her own maid outfit, which is pants, thank God, someone in this establishment had sense, didn't even look up from her tablet.
"Sakura's not here," she said. "She's covering your patrol. So you'll have to wait."
"I'll wait."
"Get in line."
"I'll kill her after you do."
"That's fair."
Salix adjusted his choker again. "My soul is dying, Hikari."
"Your soul has been dying since you opened this place. You've made it three years without killing anyone. You can make it one more shift."
"That's not reassuring."
"It's honest."
Salix breathed in. Breathed out. Adjusted his choker again. Glanced at Kaminari. Glanced at the miniskirt. Closed his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"For what?"
"For the skirt."
"It's not your fault."
"It is the dress code I created."
Kaminari looked down at his own legs. Then back up at Salix. His expression was that of a man who had made peace with his fate.
"I'll survive," he said. "Probably. I'm not sure."
"You'll survive."
"I'm not sure how, but I'll survive."
The lunch rush was manageable. Predictable. Salix fell into the rhythm of i: greet, seat, take orders, smile, don't kill anyone. He moved like water through the tables, his heels clicking against the polished floor, the skirt of his dress swishing with each step.
His regulars adored him.
A group of university students had a dedicated table. An elderly woman who came every Wednesday called him "dear" and tipped in actual silver coins. A pair of businessmen who'd started coming during their lunch breaks and now argued over who got to sit in his section.
Salix wanted to scream.
Instead, he smiled and refilled their tea.
The bell above the door chimed.
Salix turned, smile already in place, bright, practiced, soul-destroying, and opened his mouth.
"Hi welcome to—"
His voice died.
His smile died.
His entire will to live died.
Because standing in the doorway, looking around the cafe with an expression of deep, judgmental curiosity, was Jason Todd.
Jason Todd. His boyfriend. His recently reconciled, we agreed to be non-exclusive but I haven't actually done anything with anyone else because I've been busy being a vigilante and also I forgot, but that's fine, he doesn't need to know boyfriend.
Who was currently scanning the cafe like he was casing the joint.
Who was about to see Salix in a maid dress.
Salix turned on his heel and walked directly into the back kitchen.
"Hikari," he hissed. "Hikari. Hikari. Hikari."
Sayuri looked up from her tablet, one eyebrow raised. "What."
"I cannot wait at that table."
"Why not—"
She glanced past him. Out the kitchen window. Toward the entrance.
Where Jason Todd was now being seated by one of the newer staff members.
Sayuri went pale.
"Oh," she said. "Oh."
"THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND."
"I see that."
"He can't see me in this dress."
"He's already seen you."
"I'm HIDING."
"This is a glass window, Salix."
Salix made a noise that was entirely inhuman. "I don't care. I'm not going out there. I'm dying. I'm going to crawl into the walk-in freezer and die and then I'm going to haunt Jason for the rest of his life."
"That's dramatic."
"I'm allowed to be dramatic. I'm wearing stockings."
From beside them, the door swung open. Kaminari strolled in, well, walked carefully, because the skirt was very short and he'd learned the hard way that certain movements were not advisable, and opened his mouth.
"What's wrong guys—"
He froze.
The moment he saw Nightwing. His boyfriend. His also recently reconciled, also non-exclusive, also a problem boyfriend. Sitting at a table next to Jason's.
Kaminari made a sound like a dying whale.
"Why is he here?!" he wheezed.
Salix pointed at Jason through the window. "That's my boyfriend."
Sayuri blinked. "Uh yeah? What could be so bad—"
Kaminari cut her off, his voice pitched high with barely contained panic. "They just got back together and agreed to stay non exclusive but Salix hasn't been seeing anyone else recently."
Sayuri's expression shifted from confusion to realization.
"...Oh."
"OH."
Salix pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. "Where's Sakura?"
Kaminari was already pulling out his phone, his fingers trembling. "She's with Rin. Covering our patrols. Just so we don't skip our 'jobs.'"
Salix dropped his hands. Stared at the ceiling. Made a sound that was half prayer, half threat.
"Lady of heavens, give me patience..."
Sayuri, meanwhile, had pulled out her own device. Her fingers flew across the screen, typing with the speed of someone who had already mentally catalogued 500 ways to strip off her own maid dress and was now channeling that energy into information gathering.
"It seems like they came into Osaka legally because they used flights," she said, her voice clipped and professional, "but the problem right here is... they didn't tell you, right???"
Salix and Kaminari both made eye contact.
Then, in perfect unison: "NO."
Kaminari threw his hands in the air. "He doesn't call me today so how would I know???"
Salix grabbed him by the shoulders.
"Okay. Okay. We need a plan."
"A plan?"
"Yes. A plan."
"What kind of plan?"
"I don't know. ANY KIND OF PLAN."
Sayuri raised her hand. "I have a plan."
"What is it?"
"Run."
"That's not a plan."
"It's the only plan we have."
Kaminari watched as the chaos unfolded, his phone still clutched in his hand, the screen showing an unread message from Dick from three hours ago.
Hey, I'm coming to Osaka.
He hadn't seen it.
He had been too busy trying not to flash anyone in his miniskirt.
"Okay," he said, his voice shaking. "Okay. I can fix this. I can salvage this. I just need to—"
"Kaminari."
"—pretend I'm not here. I can pretend I'm not here. Or I can pretend I'm human. I'm not human. I'm decorative."
"Kaminari."
"There's a window. I can escape through the—"
"Kaminari."
Kaminari stopped pacing.
Salix was looking at him with the expression of a man who had already accepted his fate.
"You're dating," Salix said. "Me and my boyfriend are dating. As in, that means of course they are going to be here- they're partners. As in, they're brothers."
"I know. I know. It's—"
"So if I run away, I'm not just running away from my boyfriend. I'm running away from my boyfriend's brother. Who is also my boyfriend's—" Salix gestured vaguely. "—something."
"Brother."
"Yes."
"And that's—"
"We're going to have to explain this."
"Explain what?"
"Everything."
Kaminari opened his mouth.
Then closed it.
Then opened it again.
"I'm going to kill you," he said, "in a very calm, non-murderous way."
"You can't kill me. I'm the only one who buys your wine."
"...Fair point."
The door swung open.
Salix looked up.
Jason Todd walked in, his expression shifting from curiosity to surprise to oh my God what is Salix wearing in the span of three seconds. Behind him, Dick Grayson was doing the exact same thing, except his expression was focused on Kaminari.
And his skirt.
The room was silent.
Salix smiled.
It was the smile of a man who had made peace with his imminent death.
"Hi," he said. "Welcome to—"
"What are you wearing?" Jason demanded.
Salix glanced down at his dress. Then back up at Jason. His smile didn't waver.
"My second job," he said. "I own this place. I also waitress here. It's a whole thing."
"You're—"
"I'm wearing a maid dress."
"Yes."
"The skirt is short."
"I can see that."
"Stockings," Salix continued, his voice clipped and professional like he was reciting a menu. "Garters. The whole ensemble. This is my uniform. I hate it."
Jason opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
"You look," he managed, "absolutely—"
"If you say beautiful I'm going to scream."
"Devastating."
"...I'll take it."
Dick, meanwhile, had turned to Kaminari.
"What are you wearing?"
Kaminari gestured helplessly at his vest and miniskirt. "I'm the front counter staff. I'm the one who helps people get seated. It's a uniform. Sakura made me wear it."
"Sakura?"
"She said it was 'part of the dress code.' She lied."
"IT'S A UNIFORM," Salix called from across the room. "EVERYONE IS WEARING UNIFORMS. SHE DIDN'T LIE."
"She said everyone was wearing one!"
"EVERYONE IS WEARING ONE."
"SHE SAID IT WAS THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE!"
"IT IS THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE."
"SAYURI IS WEARING PANTS."
Sayuri, who had been watching this exchange with the expression of a woman who had secured her own escape route and was enjoying the chaos from a safe distance, raised her hand.
"I like pants," she said.
"YOU'RE NOT HELPING."
"I'm not trying to help."
Dick stared at Kaminari. Then at the skirt. Then back at Kaminari.
"You—" he started. Stopped. Started again. "You look good."
"I look ridiculous."
"You look good."
"I look like I'm about to cry."
"You look good and like you're about to cry. It's a combination."
Kaminari opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.
"I need a drink," he said.
"There's alcohol in the kitchen."
"I need stronger alcohol."
"I'll pay."
"Deal."
Jason had moved closer to Salix. Much closer. Uncomfortably close. The kind of close that made Salix want to retreat and also stay exactly where he was.
"So," Jason said. "A maid dress."
"Yes."
"With stockings."
"Yes."
"And garters."
"YES."
Jason's expression shifted. From amusement to consideration to something that was definitely not appropriate for a public space.
"Interesting," he said.
"It's not interesting."
"It's very interesting."
"It's humiliating."
"It's interesting and humiliating."
Salix closed his eyes. "I'm going to kill you."
"I've heard that before."
"I'm going to kill you and bury you in the garden."
"The one with the roses?"
"Yes."
"That's very romantic."
"It's not romantic. It's a threat."
"Those can be romantic."
Salix opened his eyes. Looked at Jason. Felt the urge to scream and kiss him in equal measure.
"I hate you," he said.
Jason grinned.
"You love me."
"I hate you."
"That's not what you said earlier."
"Earlier was a mistake."
"It was a beautiful mistake."
"It was a humiliating mistake."
Jason stepped closer, his expression softening.
"You looked good," he said. "Even when you wanted to kill me."
"I still want to kill you."
"I know."
"I'm going to do it one day."
"I know."
"...It was nice seeing you."
"I know."
"Stop saying that."
"Make me."
And because Salix was a terrible person with no self-control, he leaned in and kissed him.
Dick and Kaminari were having a similar moment in the corner of the kitchen.
"So," Dick said. "A miniskirt."
"Don't."
"It's very short."
"Don't."
"You look good."
"I look like I'm about to have a panic attack."
"You look good and like you're about to have a panic attack. It's a combination."
Kaminari stared at him. "Is that your thing? Is that your thing? Making people feel better by admitting they're having a crisis?"
"I don't know. Is it working?"
Kaminari opened his mouth to argue.
Then stopped.
Then, very quietly, started laughing.
"Maybe," he admitted. "Maybe a little."
"I'll take it."
"Did you really fly all the way to Osaka just to surprise me?"
"I did."
"Without telling me?"
"I did."
"And you didn't think to call first?"
"I wanted to see the look on your face."
Kaminari shook his head. "You're impossible."
"You love me anyway."
"I do. I really do."
"I know."
Sayuri had disappeared somewhere into the back room, presumably to document everything and use it as future blackmail.
She was going to enjoy this.
Salix had already accepted his fate.
The rest of the shift passed in a blur of awkwardness, humiliation, and the strange kind of terror that only came from having to explain to your boyfriend exactly why you were wearing a short skirt and thigh-highs while working in a maid cafe.
Jason was very, very quiet.
He was also very, very focused on Salix's legs.
Salix had never wanted to be invisible more in his entire existence.
"This is a problem," he said, trying very hard not to look at Jason's face. "You're staring."
"I'm not staring."
"You're literally staring."
"I'm looking."
"That's the same thing!"
"It's not the same thing. Staring is longer. Looking is appreciation."
"APPRECIATION?"
"You look good."
"I'm going to kill you."
"I've heard that before."
"I'm going to kill you and bury you in a place no one will find you."
"Sounds like a threat."
"It is a threat."
Jason leaned in, his voice dropping to something low and unsettling.
"You're wearing stockings," he said.
"I hate you."
"You're wearing garters."
"I hate everything."
"I bet you look good underneath."
"I'm going to kill you with my bare hands."
"You've tried that before. It didn't work."
"I was going easy on you."
"You were not."
"...Fine. I wasn't. But I'm going to try again and this time I won't hold back."
Jason smiled.
"I look forward to it," he said. "Specifically when you get off your shift."
Salix opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
Then he turned on his heel, walked to the back of the cafe, and started screaming into a pillow.
Kaminari watched this happen from a safe distance, which is to say, hiding behind the counter with Dick, who was also having the exact same experience.
"He's going to kill me," Kaminari said.
"He's not going to kill you."
"He's going to kill me and burn the body in a ritual fire."
"Are you sure you're not being dramatic?"
"I have seen him do it. To my exes. To his exes. To anyone who crosses him. He is a very thorough man."
Dick looked at him with an expression of pure, unfiltered amusement.
"This is the most fun I've had in months," he said.
"I'm about to die."
"Probably, yes."
"You're not helping."
"I'm helping in my own way."
"What way is that?"
"I'm going to buy you a drink and then we're going to have a good time, and then if he kills you, I'm going to laugh at your funeral."
"That's not reassuring."
"It's not supposed to be."
Kaminari stared at him.
Then, very quietly, he started laughing.
"I love you," he said.
"I know. I love you too. Now let me buy you that drink."
Three hours later, Salix was finally off shift.
His dress was off, replaced with comfortable clothes. His hair was down. His dignity was still somewhere in the lost and found.
Jason was waiting for him outside.
"Hey," he said.
Salix looked at him. Took a deep breath.
"I hate you," he said.
Jason grinned.
"You love me."
"I hate you."
"That's not what you said earlier."
"Earlier was a mistake."
"It was a beautiful mistake."
"It was a humiliating mistake."
Jason stepped closer, his expression softening.
"You looked good," he said. "Even when you wanted to kill me."
"I still want to kill you."
"I know."
"I'm going to do it one day."
"I know."
"...It was nice seeing you."
"I know."
"Stop saying that."
"Make me."
And because Salix was a terrible person with no self-control, he leaned in and kissed him.
---
Bonus Scene...
Kaminari (to Salix, via text, later that night): My boyfriend found the wine stash.
Salix: ...The bathing wine?
Kaminari: THE BATHING WINE.
Salix: Did he ask questions?
Kaminari: He asked SO many questions.
Salix: How many?
Kaminari: Enough that I had to explain the whole thing.
Salix: Oh no.
Kaminari: He thought it was a weird kink thing.
Salix: It's NOT a weird kink thing.
Kaminari: I KNOW. I TOLD HIM.
Salix: Did he believe you?
Kaminari: ...I don't think so.
Salix: You need to explain it better.
Kaminari: I explained it PERFECTLY.
Salix: You said 'I bathe in wine because water would kill me' and then paused dramatically.
Kaminari: ...It's a very dramatic pause.
Salix: He thinks you're weird.
Kaminari: He already knew I was weird.
Salix: Fair point.
Kaminari: He said he's going to send me a more expensive bottle next week.
Salix: ...What kind?
Kaminari: I don't know. He wouldn't tell me. He said it's a surprise.
Salix: That's a threat.
Kaminari: It's a THREAT and I'm NERVOUS.
Salix: You deserve it.
Kaminari: YOU DESERVE IT.
Salix: I don't deserve anything.
Kaminari: You make me wear a miniskirt and you think I deserve this?
Salix: SAKURA MADE YOU WEAR THE MINISKIRT.
Kaminari: YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HER.
Salix: ...Fair point.
Kaminari: I'm going to bed.
Salix: Good night.
Kaminari: Good night. Don't let the maid dress nightmares wake you up.
Salix: I'm going to block you.
Kaminari: You won't.
Salix: ...You're right. I won't. Please let me know what the mystery wine is.
Kaminari: I will.
Salix: Thank you.
Kaminari: ...You're welcome.
---
Dick (to Jason, via text, same night): Did you know Kaminari bathes in wine?
Jason: ...What.
Dick: HE BATHS IN WINE.
Jason: Why.
Dick: Because water would kill him.
Jason: ...That's not how that works.
Dick: HE SAYS IT'S HOW THAT WORKS.
Jason: He's dating Salix. Of course his body runs on alcohol.
Dick: THAT'S NOT BETTER.
Jason: It's exactly better.
Dick: I'm going to need therapy.
Jason: Join the club.
Dick: ...Do you think Salix's sisters know?
Jason: I think Salix's sisters made him.
Dick: That's terrifying.
Jason: You have no idea.
---