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“Nagisa, you’ve had four stacks already. I think I’m gonna have to cut you off.” Sayaka rolled her eyes as the little girl in front of her pouted indignantly.
“That’s not fair!” Nagisa whined, completely ignoring the line that was building up behind her. “You said it’s all we can eat!” It had been Madoka’s idea to have a big pancake breakfast. Sayaka couldn’t cook to save her after-life so that meant instead she was stuck helping serve all the other girls. She’d wanted to help her friend, but barely an hour in she was already losing her patience dealing with the younger magical girls.
“Yeah, well,” Sayaka retorted. “If you keep eating so much you’ll get fat.”
A voice cut in “Wait can we still get fat?” A girl with orange hair and a bear ear headband had been handing out plates of pancakes to the girls in the line next to Sayaka’s, and apparently had overheard the entire conversation. “I thought we couldn't grow, like, in any way anymore? Is that not true? Can my...”
“You’re really not helping Kuma.” Sayaka cut off. She was about to go back to arguing with Nagisa, only to be rudely interrupted by a giant worm’s mouth lunging at her. Within seconds all the plates of pancakes on Sayaka’s table, as well as a large chunk of the table itself, had been swallowed whole. Sayaka just stared as the spotted worm transformed back into Nagisa.
Nagisa covered her mouth as she lightly burped. “Oh, excuse me.” she giggled politely.
Sayaka wasn’t amused. “What the hell Nagisa!? What kinda manners are those you little…” her rant was cut off by a tap on her shoulder. Her head swung till she was face to face with Homura, who was standing behind her with a nonchalant expression.
“Why don’t you take a break.” Homura ordered.
Sayaka rolled her eyes once more. “You’re not in charge here. I can handle this.”
“With that display I’m not so sure about that.” Homura shot back. If looks could kill Sayaka would have killed Homura again. But they couldn’t, so Homura didn’t particularly care. “Go take a break, I’ll get some new plates…and a new table I guess.”
“Fine whatever.” Sayaka turned to the line of girls watching them and shouted. “Line's closed, sorry, go to someone else!” Sayaka ignored the complaints as she stormed off, grumbling all the way. Homura for her part just rolled her eyes and headed to the kitchen.
----
The “banquet hall” as Madoka called it, consisted of two big rooms, a main eating area with more tables than Homura could ever count, and a, relatively, smaller kitchen. To Homura it seemed more like a massive school cafeteria than anything. But then she couldn’t help but find that incredibly endearing, especially considering the mind that had created it. As Homura entered the kitchen she was met with a cacophony of noise and bustle as at least twenty different magical girls fussed over various pancake griddles. She looked around, completely ignoring any of the chaos around her as she searched for her target. Finally in the middle of the sea of magical girls, she spotted the bright pink ponytail adorned in a hairnet that she was looking for. “Madoka” She greeted warmly with a nod as she walked up to her girlfriend, who was currently flipping pancakes.
Madoka immediately bounced up. “Homura!” She smiled back. “How’s it going out there? The girls enjoying everything?”
“Of course they are.” Homura answered. “They love it like they do everything else you do for them.” Madoka blushed, which made Homura’s heart melt. “Do you have some more pancakes ready? I’m taking over Sayaka’s post.”
Madoka's face filled with concern. “What happened? Is she ok?”
Homura shrugged. “She was about to get in a fight so I told her to take a break… that reminds me, we need a new table.”
This just made Madoka even more concerned. “Homura what happened.”
Homura shook her head. “Nothing serious. Everything’s fine I promise, Sayaka was arguing with Nagisa and then she bit through it.”
Madoka couldn’t help but giggle at that. “Ok, ok, if you say it’s nothing more then that I believe you. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised at this point. There should be…” Madoka paused, spacing out as she stared right through Homura.
Madoka wasn’t sure how long she was out, but all too quickly everything came back to her. Though apparently it had been long enough that Homura was shaking her and pleading. “Madoka!”
“Sorry,” Madoka shook her head. “Sorry.” She repeated. “What was I saying?” She put on a smile “Oh yeah, there should be another table in the storage closet..” she paused. “Actually wait.” She quickly closed her eyes and snapped her fingers. “There, table's fixed.”
Homura was still deeply concerned. “What’s wrong? What happened? Don’t tell me nothing, I know you don’t just space out like that over nothing.”
Madoka couldn’t help but smile genuinely at her concern. “I can’t put anything past you can I?” Homura shook her head, her face dead serious as she did. “It’s, nothing urgent. I’ll tell you after breakfast is done, ok?”
Homura wasn’t quite sure, but she swallowed the thought and decided to trust her. “Ok, promise me though that you’re ok? And that you WILL tell me what’s going on later?”
Madoka giggled, taking Homura’s hand and wrapping her pinkie finger around her girlfriend’s. “I promise.” She swore as she pulled Homura into a hug. After a minute they mutually broke it, as Madoka turned back to the griddle. “Oh yeah, the stacks on the table behind me are ready to serve.”
Homura nodded as she began grabbing plates. “Got it.” she affirmed as she departed on her important mission to serve pancakes to little magical girls.
---
A couple hours and many plates later, the pancake breakfast had been a success. Madoka, Homura, and Sayaka, as well as a couple of the other relatively older girls were cleaning up the banquet hall. Homura was still concerned however, not forgetting her and Madoka’s earlier conversation. As things were winding down, she finally got the chance to pull her girlfriend aside. “Are you ready to talk about before?” She whispered.
Madoka just sighed. “No but, I know I need to tell you...and Sayaka.”
Homura was a little confused now. “Sayaka?”
“Yes, it’ll…make sense,” Madoka weakly explained. “Let’s get somewhere more private and I’ll explain and it’ll all make sense ok?.” Homura nodded and Madoka gave a thankful smile before walking over to where Sayaka, Kuma, and two other magical girls were cleaning the last of the tables. “Hey!” Madoka waved with an attempted cheerfulness, at the very least succeeding in grabbing the girls’ attention. “Homura and I have something important we have to attend to…Sayaka we need you too. Do you girls mind finishing up here?”
“Yes ma’am!” three voices dutifully called back in unison. As they did Kuma gave a salute while the other two girls nodded back vigorously.
Sayaka just rolled her eyes while Madoka blushed and rapidly waved her hands. “I’ve told you girls you don’t need to be so formal! You can just call me Madoka! please.”
As Sayaka walked over to Homura and Madoka she sarcastically added. “Yeah only Homura’s allowed to call her ma’am!” Homura, with her face as red as her ribbon, gave Sayaka a swift elbow to the ribs. Sayaka didn’t even feel it of course but Homura had wanted to make a point more than anything.
As the trio stepped outside, Sayaka immediately asked the obvious question. “So…what’s this ‘important thing we need to attend to’? New mission? The upper region girls fighting again?”
Madoka shook her head. “Nothing like that. I just…need to talk to you two about something important. Let’s go to Homura and I’s house. I want to be somewhere private, ok?”
Sayaka was still confused but agreed. Madoka’s pace hastened, as it did Sayaka hung back and whispered to Homura before she could catch up to Madoka herself. “You have any clue what this is about?” Homura just shook her head and kept walking without even sparing a glance, much to Sayaka’s annoyance.
After a quiet walk, the girls were at Madoka and Homura’s house. “So…” Madoka started as she entered. “...you two want something to drink? I can”
“Madoka.” A very unamused Sayaka interrupted. “You’re stalling.” Madoka looked back sheepishly, silently hoping for support from her girlfriend. Homura did look concerned, but very clearly wanted to know what was going on too. Madoka sighed and just led everyone to the small square kitchen table. Homura sat down next to Madoka, while Sayaka sat across from her.
After a tense moment Madoka finally confessed; “Kyoko died this morning,”. Her head lowered as she continued. “I felt it. That’s why I spaced out when I was talking to you earlier Homura. I’m sorry I didn’t say something right away. I…didn’t want to alarm the other girls if we were all distressed I guess. I,”
“It’s ok.” Homura took Madoka’s hand and held it tight. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Madoka smiled weakly and Homura softly smiled back. After a brief moment both went back to looking solemn. “What happened?” Homura asked.
“She used up all her power against a wraith. The image was fuzzy but…Mami was knocked down. She was holding two younger magical girls back with one of her ribbons, and Kyoko…Kyoko gave her life to protect them.”
Homura smiled sadly and shook her head. “Sounds like Kyoko…” she mused quietly. “She almost never went out on anything but her own terms…”
Sayaka however, was anything but quiet. “Wait…if she’s dead…why didn’t you tell me sooner? Where is she!? You always said I could be the one to go greet her! Did you seriously send one of the other girls instead?”
Madoka rapidly shook her head and waved her hands as Homura glared at Sayaka. “No no! Please Sayaka, I promise I wouldn’t do that.” Madoka was tearing up now, unable to look Sayaka in the eyes as she quietly finished “She didn’t die from grief…she died…normally…well as normally as us magical girls can I guess.” She corrected humorlessly before shaking that tangent out of her head, “None of us could reach her even if we wanted to. Her death is out of my…” Madoka hesitated, trying to find the right words. Despite centuries of being the law of cycles it was still hard for even her to put into words exactly what she was and what exactly she could do. “...area of duty.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!” Sayaka argued back. “I didn’t die from grief this time! I died in battle and I’m here! Why, why would Kyoko be any different?”
“Sayaka you, you didn’t intentionally use all your power at once.” Madoka tried to clarify. “You…” she hesitated, not knowing how to word things in a way that wouldn’t make her friend even more upset. “Your soul gem was already incredibly clouded… you didn’t die from the fight or from using your powers directly. You died because you finally reached a point where too much built up while you were fighting…”
“I don’t…what’s the difference? What does that even mean?” Sayaka was shaking.
“I wished to save magical girls before they become witches.” Madoka clarified. “Because of that, I can’t reach magical girls who aren’t about to become witches, even if they’re about to die…Kyoko wasn’t about to become a witch. So there’s nothing I could‘ve done”
Madoka was crying now, shaking her head and slumping down as any composure she had gave way to self loathing. Homura quickly latched on to her girlfriend. “Madoka…” She began, however she didn’t get to continue, Sayaka wasn’t done yet.
“So I’m just…we’re just…just never going to see her again?”
Homura shook her head, having long since pieced together the answer herself. “Normally, magical girls can be granted access to Heaven if they’re deemed as worthy, just like anyone else.” She clarified bluntly. “It’s only us witches that can never hope to go. The act of becoming one must prove why we’re ineligible.”
Madoka’s sad eyes went wide as she tried to lean into Homura. “Homura don't say that! You’re not…”
“That’s bullshit!” Sayaka screamed, loud enough to make both her friends jump. “Why the fuck not!? Why us!? You, you saved us before we became witches…right?”
Madoka shook her head. “I don’t know, I really don’t know, it’s all above me and always has been. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Sayaka.”
Sayaka tried to argue back, tried to say something, tried to rant, tried to scream, but all that came out were splutters as the dam finally broke. “I, I need to go lay down. I’m sorry.” Before anyone could have a chance to speak, Sayaka got up and bolted towards the door.
“Sayaka wait!” Madoka shouted as she prepared to make chase. Homura put her hand on her shoulder before the preparations could be completed, however.
“I…I think we should give her some time.” Madoka was hesitant, staring at the now closed door for a good few minutes before finally relenting. Falling back down as her tears hit the table before her head did. Homura hugged her tightly, even as she finally failed to hold back her own tears.
----
The stumble back to her own house was a complete and total blur for Sayaka. One minute she was racing out Madoka’s front door and the next her forehead was on her own, with nothing but darkness making up the chasm between the two.
Her breathing felt almost as heavy as the weight on her non existent heart. She couldn’t stop the little twinge at the back of her mind reminding her she didn’t even need to breathe anymore. It’s not like she could suffocate, no way she could be even more dead. But breathing was still a habit she usually didn’t question, a subconscious clinging to the person she no longer was.
Sayaka was on the floor now, she didn’t even remember shutting the door, let alone walking in and falling on her face. She didn’t care.
Despite herself she felt a strong tightness in her chest, and the pressure on her skull was absolutely not the kind that would result from a faceplant.
She rolled over, staring up at the ceiling. Her house could be anything she wanted, Madoka had told her that. Many of the other girls’ were nice. A lot of the younger girls had created brightly colored monstrosities that completely defied every known law of physics. She’d seen so, SO many life size Barbie dream houses over the past couple years.
But Sayaka had kept her house plain. It didn’t really matter how her it looked when she barely spent any time in it. She didn’t usually ever want to be alone anyway. She’d probably spent more time sleeping on Madoka’s couch than her own bed.
It didn’t matter if she had a nice tomb or not. Nothing really mattered anymore, she supposed.
A couple hours had passed in what felt more like a couple minutes to Sayaka when she’d heard a knock on the door.
“Sayaka?” Madoka’s voice called quietly. “Can we come in?”
Sayaka just grumbled something she’d probably regret but she’d forgotten what it was as soon as she’d said it. She could hear Madoka and Homura talking outside but none of it registered. After what felt like an eternity of her ignoring them, the pair finally took the hint and left.
----
The walk away from Sayaka’s was a tense and quiet one. Homura held her girlfriend’s hand tightly, trying to provide some comfort. But she’d never seen herself as any good at providing warmth, and today seemed like no exception to that.
“Do you think we went too soon?” Madoka finally asked aloud. Homura just shook her head.
“No, it was worth a shot. She knows you're worried.”
Madoka wasn’t so sure, but didn’t say anything. Their solemn walk continued until they finally reached their next destination; a bright building with lots of windows that Madoka called The Welcome Center.
The Welcome Center was basically a very fancy Rec. Center, designed as the first place girls would arrive in after they were saved from their grief. Accordingly, Madoka had wanted something familiar and friendly to ease them into their new world. There was a cheery front desk manned periodically by various different girls, often Madoka herself when she wasn’t the one bringing new girls there in the first place. There were various lounges and playrooms, kitchens with any food a girl could ever want, and offices where the girls could get help with their new homes and anything they needed to get settled…or where they could talk to one of the more established girls in therapy.
As the pair entered they were greeted with the sight of various magical girls going about their business. One of whom was Nagisa, who was laying on a couch in the entrance room playing on her 3ds. Upon seeing Madoka and Homura she ran over.
“Is Sayaka ok?” She asked as she looked up at the pair with concern. Madoka had seen it fit to inform Nagisa of their friend’s passing after she and Homura had regained their bearings earlier in the morning. While Nagisa didn’t know Kyoko as well as she did Mami, the two had spent time together in Homura's world and bonded during it. Madoka thought it was only fair to let her know. While Nagisa was sad upon hearing the news, she had immediately been more concerned about how Sayaka was handling it. Her wide eyes still reflecting that only made Madoka feel even more guilty for failing to help.
“She…wanted some alone time.” Madoka answered delicately.
Nagisa frowned. “Do you think playing will cheer her up?” She paused then beamed in realization as she started excitedly waving her 3ds. “Ooh! Ooh! I’ll go ask her to Smash!”
Homura raised an eyebrow as Madoka rapidly shook her head. “No no!” She quickly regained her composure and tried to return to her usual mature but comforting tone. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. She’s... Probably not in the mood for a video game right now. She’ll play with you once she’s had some time to process everything I'm sure.”
Nagisa just pouted. “But she said she likes playing with me!…and I’ve been practicing!" Before she could make any other arguments a bright light filled the doorway. Once the light faded, it revealed a young woman with long brown hair adorned with dark green highlights wearing a puffy light green dress. With her, or more accurately practically hiding behind her while she held their hands, were two young girls. One of the girls had short black hair and deep purple eyes, while the other had pink twin tails and red eyes. The young woman looked peaceful and warm, while the younger girls were taking in their surroundings like they'd be attacked at any moment.
In spite of the situation Homura couldn’t help but eye the younger girls with intimidating interest, which only made the pink haired girl squirm even more while the black haired girl avoided her gaze. Still despite this reaction Homura couldn’t take her eyes off them. The resemblance was…uncanny, to say the least.
Madoka quickly took control of the situation. “Kealey!” She greeted the young woman happily. Kealey was, relatively, one of the older girls in their group. It was rare for magical girls to make it to adulthood, let alone their early twenties. But Kealey and her wife had somehow managed it. The pair had been two of Madoka’s closest partners for a couple decades now. Kealey especially enjoyed being able to help the younger girls pass on peaceful and get settled into their new afterlives, while her wife had taken to acting as a therapist. Kealey nodded her head happily then gestured towards Madoka.
“Girls, this is who I was telling you about, Madoka Kaname. This whole world is her design.”
Madoka waved her hands. “It’s only what it is because of all of us!” She kneeled down to get to the younger girls’ levels, “Who might you two be?” She greeted warmly as she extended a hand to each of them.
In spite of her fear, the pink haired girl accepted and answered quietly. “I’m…Chibiusa.”
“Hotaru” the purple haired girl added as she also accepted.
Madoka smiled. “Chibusa, Hotaru, it’s a pleasure to meet you both! Welcome to our home.”
Both girls stumbled out “Thank you”’s as they nodded quickly, Madoka could feel her heart melting at the sight, immediately feeling the need to make sure these two found peace. Kealey walked over and placed a hand on Nagisa’s shoulder, who looked up at her in confusion.
“Nagisa dear, how about you show our new arrivals around while I talk to Madoka for a bit?” She asked.
Nagisa nodded, stuffed her 3ds under her arm, then quickly ran over to both of the new girls and grabbed their hands. “Hi! I’m Nagisa!” She greeted excitedly, with introductions out of the way and a little time, the trio of young girls were soon off as the three older girls could only smile.
Once they were out of sight however, Kealey turned to Madoka seriously. “What’s on your mind?”
Madoka could only laugh as she rubbed her arm. “Was it that obvious?”
Homura nodded, which made Kealey smile knowingly. Madoka only blushed before looking down solemnly. “A friend died this morning, Sayaka and her were…close. She’s taking it hard but also won’t talk to me! I don’t know what to do.”
Kealey put a hand to her chin in thought for a moment before finally saying. “You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, you know that better than anyone.” Madoka just nodded. “Then give her time, you’ll be there when she needs it.” Madoka could only simile back weakly, still obviously concerned.
Homura however, wasn’t so sure…
---
The hours had turned into days, and the days had turned into weeks. It might have reached a month. Sayaka wasn't sure. She wasn't sure of anything anymore. Madoka had tried to talk to Sayaka repeatedly, often with Homura in tow. Some of the other girls had too, noticing her absence as it became more glaringly obvious something was wrong.
Yet despite every attempt Sayaka remained on the other side of her wall. At most she’d give an angry “leave me alone I’m fine!”. At least once Madoka had teleported in out of concern to Sayaka lying on the floor, at least once Sayaka had only bitterly shouted at her to get out in response. Sayaka felt a little bad about that one, but not enough to actually do anything about it.
Sayaka had reached a point where she genuinely couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten or even slept. She wasn’t sure whether the huge gaps in time were sleep or if they were something else. It had almost become a game for her, one to see how much she could deprive her undead body of. Nothing mattered anymore, she couldn’t hurt herself in any way that mattered, even when she tried she couldn't. If she never saw the light of day again, well wouldn’t that be where a corpse was supposed to end up anyway? Maybe that's why the time seemed to pass by quicker. She was just doing what she was actually supposed to and dropping dead instead of pretending. That was probably it.
Spirals like these were how Sayaka spent most of her time. They didn’t bring her any comfort…but eventually they’d also stopped causing her any grief. It was like saying the grass is green or the sky is blue, a fact, a simple truth. Not something to be upset by. It was just reality. She’d long since realize she didn’t like reality, but it wasn’t like she could change anything…she never could and she was naive to think she ever had a shot at it.
During one of these spirals, she heard yet another knock on the door. She rolled over and growled “What!?
She heard a small gulp on the other side as Nagisa piped up. “Umm….want to smash? I’ve been practicing with my new friends and I think my Pikachu’s really good and…”
“Go away Nagisa, I’m not in the mood.”
“But Sayaka,” Nagisa whimpered. “You said you’d help me train!”
Sayaka said nothing, and eventually Nagisa left disappointed once again. However, she had given Sayaka an idea. Training….she hadn’t trained in a while, not since before. She hadn't gone to one of the training rooms in a while at least. If she'd done it in the house she didn't remember. She found herself forgetting a lot these days.
It wasn’t like she needed to train…but she could go do it anyway. It had been a while since she’d swung her sword…it'd probably feel good to do it. Without much thought behind her actions beyond the base instincts pushing her foward, Sayaka found herself opening her front door for the first time in god knows how long. The light should probably have burned her eyes with how long she'd been sitting in darkness, but she didn't notice. It might as well have been night...it might actually have been, she didn't pay enough attention to know if it was, let alone enough to care. She had unconsciously transformed as she stepped outside. As she walked she could see some of the other girls eyeing her, probably with concern…maybe disgust. She didn’t know…she didn’t care. Her sword was in her hand now. She heard a voice call out to her, she wasn’t sure what she had yelled back. It didn’t matter.
She was going to go train, nothing else mattered
----
Homura had rushed over to the door as soon as she heard the frantic knocking. Already transformed with one hand on her shield, she was ready for whatever trial was about to come her way.
Needless to say she was not expecting to see a girl in a sports bra, gym shorts, and teddy bear ears panting like mad. Based on the fact the girl wasn’t transformed they probably weren’t under attack at least, but that left Homura completely dumbfounded at what she could possibly want. Homura knew of the girl, but not much more than that.
“Can I…help you?” She finally asked awkwardly.
Still panting, Kuma started nodding like crazy. Finally she caught her breath, looked up at Homura, and everything came barreling out. “It’s Sayaka! Yesterday I saw her at the gym when I was going to do my morning workout and it was the first time I’d seen her since pancake day so I tried to talk to her but she told me to fuck off and went in one of the training rooms so I left her alone but she was still there when I was leaving and going at it really REALLY hard there was a lot of beat up dolls and blood and stuff and then this morning SHE WAS STILL THERE and I don’t think she left the entire night and I tried to knock but she just glared at me and kept attacking and I went to the welcome center to try and find Madoka-Ma’am but she’s apparently busy so I didn’t know what to do and Kealey said to try telling you and…help!”
Homura blinked. With enough analyzing of the mad ramblings of the girl before her, Homura had been able to piece together the important part. Sayaka was being Sayaka, and at times like these that never spelled anything but trouble. As she met Kuma’s distressed and pleading eyes she finally said hesitantly “I’ll…go talk to her.”
“Should I come?” Kuma asked. “I probably won’t be much help but…”
Homura shook her head. “No, I think it’s best if only one person talks to her.” Despite Kuma not saying anything in response, Homura could see the worry still present in the younger girl. Homura’s serious face slightly softened, and she said in her best attempt at a comforting voice. “Thank you for your concern, I’ll make sure Sayaka knows how worried you were. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it…as do I.”
With that, Homura departed on her new mission. As she instinctively flipped her hair to steel herself, Kuma could only stare in awe.
—
Homura watched through the training room’s glass window as Sayaka slashed down, hitting a seemingly indestructible Kyubey plush straight on its smug head with her sword. She pulled back then jabbed forward, sending the plush flying into a mountain of identical plushes that had formed against the wall. As Sayake recoiled from the jab, she swung her arm back up and tossed her sword into the air. It spun around and froze in mid air, now aimed straight at her. Sayaka stared down her own weapon, she held up her hand and dramatically pointed. She quickly drew a circle with her finger, the sword splitting into seven more, forming their own circle as the now eight swords began to fly straight towards her. Sayaka didn’t even flinch. Instead she turned around and grabbed another Kyubey plush from the rack behind her and threw it straight at the swords. Five of the swords hit the plush straight in the head. The three at the highest point of the circle however, flew right over its head and straight into Sayaka.
Homura found herself recoiling from witnessing the impact while Sayaka didn’t even flinch. Instead she took the swords head on as two flew through her shoulder blades and one flew straight through her skull. Blood splattered against the wall as Sayaka clenched her fists, then, as if on command the blood flew off the walls and back towards her. The blood rapidly took shape, Oktavia von Seckendorff had joined the fray, fully forming behind her master as Sayaka raised her hand and pointed one finger towards the ceiling. Homura almost swore she could see the baton in Sayaka’s hand as a massive blade materialized in Oktavia’s. Then, Sayaka’s hand dramatically slashed back down, conducting her final strike.
Oktavia, accordingly, did nothing.
In a flash every single ounce of dramatic tension her symphony had been building deflated from the room. The Kyubey plush fell to the ground unharmed, hitting it with a bounce as the swords adorning its face disappeared. Sayaka stomped her foot repeatedly. “Oh come on!” she turned around and began kicking her witch. “Stupid! Useless! Worthless! Oversized toy! Can’t you do anything right you dumb piece of…” Sayaka’s tantrum was cut off by the sound of the door to the training room opening. Sayaka’s head shot towards it angrily.
Her glare met Homura’s, who had finally decided she’d seen enough of Sayaka’s performance and now stood in the doorway with her arms crossed. “That was, almost impressive.” Homura complimented backhandidly, Sayaka just scowled as she continued. “Your trick of using your own blood to summon your witch is clever, I’ll give you that. But even with your healing factor having three swords hit you is taking way more damage than necessary. I imagine one through the shoulder has to create enough blood to work with, let alone one through your head. You’re unnecessarily overtaxing your”
“I don’t need your help!” Sayaka cut off. “I don’t need your advice, I don’t WANT your advice and I especially don’t want any of your bitchy comments.” Sayaka glared daggers as she spat out “Besides, even these flawed methods were enough to beat you! So how about you leave me alone and let me train!?”
Homura was unconvinced. “If it weren’t for the others’ help” She flipped her hair for emphasis. “I’d have killed you easily when I was a witch. I’ve killed you plenty of times when you were one too.”
Sayaka was fuming. “Oh really!? If you wanna be so damn cocky how about you come and try right now then!? Come on! Kill me if you can! I bet you can’t even summon your witch! But go ahead! Do it and I assure you I’ll STILL win in an instant!” She smirked. “So how ‘bout it, Homura? Gonna put up or shut up?”
Homura glared, then, without a word, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. As she exhaled and slowly opened her eyes, she felt the bones clawing their way out of her back as a skeletal figure pulled itself together behind her. Without even looking back she knew she had manifested the all too familiar form of Homulilly. Sayaka for her part, wasn’t even phased, and, with a simple flick of her wrist as a command, Oktavia’s sword finally swung down.
Yet it would never reach its target. Instead, Homulilly had simply raised her hands. The blade was caught by the wooden stock restricting them. With the limpest of an upward thrust of Homulilly’s hands, Oktavia’s blade, and the witch herself, were sent flying back, slamming into the wall before evaporating into smoke. Her job now finished, Homulilly’s bones slowly snapped into dust with several hundred sickening crunches. The crushed bone matter hung in the air for a moment before promptly shooting back into the witch’s mistress. Homura’s face hadn’t changed once during the entire fight, not that either girl would ever even call it one. She had maintained the same calm stare the entire time.
And that, more than anything, pissed Sayaka the hell off.
“Did you just come here to mock me? To embarrass me? To fucking gloat about how much cooler you think you are than me!?”
It took everything Homura had to try and respond calmly. “I didn’t”
Sayaka had never planned on letting her answer. “You’re a bitch you know that!?” Sayaka spat.
Homura closed her eyes, took a deep breath, counted to ten in her mind, and then finally opened her eyes and answered. “Trust me, I know. Anything you’ve ever said or could ever say about me, I’ve thought way worse. Worse than you could ever imagine. So how about we skip the insults and just, actually talk for once?” Homura sat down against the wall, crossed her legs and then patted at a spot to the right of her on the mat, trying to extend a peace offering.
Sayaka wasn’t easily convinced. “Why would you EVER want to help me?”
Homura shrugged, “I don’t know, why did you want to help me?”
“I was helping Madoka, not you.” Sayaka shot back defensively. “And…” Sayaka hesitated, all of her bluster finally beginning to fade. “And, I wanted to see Kyoko again…”
A quiet “Hmm…” was Homura’s only response.
Sayaka shook her head rapidly, more and more of her bravado leaving with every turn. Then, finally, her brain said fuck it and she took Homura’s offer. Sayaka fell down against the wall, refusing to look the other girl in the eyes. “I hate myself.” Sayaka finally admitted, more to herself than Homura. “I really, REALLY hate myself. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
Homura could only smile sadly. “I know the feeling.”
Sayaka could feel her wrath boiling once more. “Thanks Homura that’s real fucking helpful. You’re really just, absolutely amazing with people, y'know that?”
Homura rolled her eyes. Although whether that was in annoyance or because Sayaka’s venom had actually stung, she wasn’t quite sure. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
Sayaka sighed. “I know.”
“I’m not here to mock you, I only came here in the first place because a girl with teddy bear ears came to Madoka’s door panicking about you! So, how about this,” Homura started as she turned to Sayaka, trying her best to display that her intentions were completely genuine. “Madoka’s worried about you….” She hesitated before finally saying, “...and I am too, I’ll admit that. So..” Homura’s breathing was heavy, with every exhale her shoulders shuddered on their way back down, “in the act of… being open, let’s… just talk, ok?”
Sayaka was still avoiding meeting Homura’s eyes, looking away indignantly. “…fine.”
Despite Sayaka’s agreement, she didn’t go on. She didn’t say anything, she didn’t even turn to actually face Homura let alone give her anything she could actually work with. The tension was as thick as the silence was palpable. It felt to Homura like the weight of the entire world was crushing down on her. Which was another feeling she knew all too well. Homura sighed and shook her head, though subtly enough that Sayaka couldn’t tell she had. Finally she asked. “So…what’s on your mind?” Sayaka finally looked at Homura, but her look was one of angry bewilderment which made Homura unconsciously shrink back. “Sorry,” Homura apologized completely on instinct. “I uh, I know, dumb question. It’s Kyoko, obviously, I just”
“I hate you.” Sayaka cut off, but before Homura could say anything back Sayaka steamrolled on. “I hate you, and I hate Madoka, and I hate you and Madoka!” With that confession, the tears Sayaka had been holding in finally started to break through. “I hate that you two get to be together while I’m cursed to be alone! I hate Hitomi and Kyosuke for that too! Fuck I even hate Kyoko for it! I hate her for dying for someone else!… I hate her for leaving me behind to go somewhere that a soulless mistake like me can never even hope to reach.” The tears were flowing rapidly now as Sayaka finally spat out bitterly “and I hate myself most of all. For hating all of you… for wishing this Hell on Kyoko… and for so, so, SO many other things.”
Sayaka finally sat up properly. She pulled her knees close and latched onto them tightly as her tears continued to fall. Homura watched her closely, and cautiously, she tried to think of something, anything to say. But then, as her words failed her like they had so many times before, she realized Sayaka wasn’t done, far from it in fact. This train of thought was going to be a long one, and Homura knew better than to dare try and pull the emergency brake now.
“I’m a greedy and envious piece of shit who doesn’t deserve any of you.” And yet, Sayaka’s confession came much quicker than Homura had expected. For a brief moment as her words hung in the air, the tears stopped. The atmosphere had shifted, and to Homura the change was…alarming, to say the least.
“Sayaka…” Homura started cautiously.
But once again, Sayaka had not yet granted her the right to speak. Sayaka was far from finished, though there was no longer any venom in her voice as she continued, instead her words carried an eerie peacefulness. “I’ve already lost Kyoko…and every single other person I knew… I guess besides Mami, actually, she could still show up here someday I guess..,” Sayaka shook her head and released an extremely bitter laugh “god I really am just proving my point about being greedy aren’t I? I guess add selfish to the list too…definitely selfish.” Sayaka shook her head. “Anyway what I was TRYING to say,”
Homura raised an eyebrow at the fact Sayaka was seemingly berating her for interrupting despite the fact she hadn’t said a word, though it soon dawned on her it wasn’t actually aimed at her…strangely “is that besides you and Madoka…” Sayaka continued “I’ve got no one. I can never see anyone else I’ve ever loved ever again…and it’s only a matter of time till you both realize you're better off without me too...” Sayaka was silent for a moment, her face twitching as she almost lifelessly stared forward. Homura’s guard raised, her left fist clenching out of Sayaka’s sight, as her fight or flight instincts began to activate.
They ended up not being needed. Instead, all that happened was Sayaka’s face finally fell for good. Her previous ominous serenity had given way to a complete and utter wave of sadness, the likes of which Homura had very rarely allowed let herself to be hit by. Sayaka was absolutely bawling now, her fists clenched as she punched the ground to her right as hard as she could. “Fuck!” She yelled so loudly it completely covered the audible snap her bones had made upon impact. “Here I am complaining about all this while Madoka gave up her entire fucking existence just so I could even still be here to selfishly whine that it’s not good enough!” She was shaking her head rapidly. “And you!” She yelled as her head shot towards Homura.
Homura jumped at actually being addressed for what felt like the first time in an eternity. “Me?” She tried to ask. The word barely formed before Sayaka barreled on.
“God I fucked things over for you…how many times!? If you weren’t there the world would have ended and it would have all been because of me! I fucked things up for everyone! Every! Single! Time!” Sayaka was clenching her fists so tight she had started drawing blood. She couldn’t feel any of the pain, obviously, but even if she could she wasn’t in a state where she’d notice, let alone where she’d care. “Madoka could only make her wish because of the chance you gave her! Meanwhile for ten fucking years, over a hundred chances, I just managed to blow every! last! one of them!”
Sayaka’s train of thought had finally gone off the rails and crashed, falling down into a deep ditch as she finished with “I…”
Yet it was never given the chance to hit the ground. Instead Sayaka finally turned, distracted by the feeling of one of her blood soaked fists being grabbed, a hand prying the fingers of her left hand open and tightly interlocking them with its own.
Their eyes finally met as Homura wearily smiled. “I hated you too.”
Sayaka couldn’t even bring herself to feel any anger at Homura’s confession. Normally she’d yell or scream or redirect a few of the awful thoughts in her head towards Homura. This time though, all she could do was let her wide eyes droop back down. Homura wasn’t done, however. She had given Sayaka her turn to speak, and now it was her’s. She shook her head as she closed her eyes in somber reflection. “There were so many times I found myself cursing you. Wishing you’d just stay out of the way. That you’d stop getting involved and making a mess of everything.” Even without looking at her, the guilt on Homura’s face was crystal clear to Sayaka. “I thought maybe we’d actually stand a chance if I could have just gotten the rest of us to the end for once instead of having to worry about you messing it all up. I had given up on you, Sayaka. I apologize for that.”
“Don’t.” Sayaka said without any malice, only bitter self resentment. “I would have given up on me too.”
Homura shifted, moving in front of Sayaka while maintaining her hold on her hand, as well as eye contact. “Still, it wasn’t fair of me. We’ve…both made a lot of mistakes.” She closed her eyes and with a deep breath, allowed two black feathered wings to rip out of her back. “I can’t really judge you too harshly for your’s, can I?”
Sayaka, despite herself, couldn’t help but crack a small smile. A tiny but playful laugh managed to break through her lips. “Y’know, your wings are kinda cute in a way.” Homura was VERY taken aback. “They have that chunni vibe to them. Like an angel who’s trying way too hard to convince everyone she’s actually really cool and edgy…it suits you.”
Whether that was meant to be a compliment or a childish insult, Homura wasn’t sure. She was blushing regardless. “Uhh…thanks?…I think?” At that, Sayaka finally allowed herself to truly laugh. It wasn’t long, it wasn’t loud, but it was real. For the first time in what felt to her like forever, the weight on Sayaka’s heart didn’t feel quite as heavy.
“I won’t ever give up on you again.” Homura swore. “Madoka and I will always be here for you, she always has been.”
Sayaka hesitated for a moment, not really sure how to respond. “…I’m glad you’re here, Homura. There’s…worse people I could be stuck with for eternity, I guess.”
“I’m glad I’m here too.” Homura confessed. “I don’t deserve it but, I’m glad. Thank you.”
“Eh don’t thank me. What did I do?” Sayaka deflected. “I shouldn’t still be kicking either. Madoka’s the reason either of us are still here. Guess she sees something we don’t...”
Homura just nodded in agreement. The two sat in comfortable silence. Slowly, Homura shifted back to sitting beside Sayaka, all the while she still kept hold of her left hand. Sayaka never once pulled away, in fact she even found herself leaning back into Homura’s wing at some point.
Neither were sure how much time had passed when Homura heard a voice in her head shouting. “Homura! Where are you!? Kealey told me something happened with Sayaka!”
“We’re in a training room…” before Homura could even finish her thought, Madoka had popped into the room. Immediately she latched onto Sayaka with a tight hug.
“Are you ok? What happened?” Madoka asked worryingly.
Sayaka laughed. “I’m fine Madoka,” she sighed as she returned her friend’s hug. “I'm ok now, promise. I just went a little overboard training… I think I scared Kuma and she panicked. She got Homura when she couldn’t find you and… we had a bit of a chat, everything’s fine now.” Madoka’s eyes widened at the realization as she moved back, while still maintaining her hold on Sayaka, and looked at the pair with concern. This just made Sayaka laugh even more. “Relax, it was…only a little violent.” Needless to say this did not make Madoka any less concerned, then Homura nodded seriously and accordingly, Madoka pulled her tightly into the hug as well.
“I’m so glad.” Madoka whispered.
Sayaka grinned. “Turns out Homura’s actually kind of a little good at this stuff. Never would have guessed!”
Homura once again didn’t know whether she was being insulted or praised, she had no idea what to even say. Madoka however just smiled proudly. “I’m not surprised, I’m glad you finally see she has a big heart.”
With that, Homura decided to say absolutely nothing at all as her face went bright red.
Eventually the trio split from their hug, and Madoka moved herself to Sayaka’s right, holding her hand as Homura returned to her left.
“I’m sorry again,” Madoka began, “about Kyoko. I wish I could’ve…”
“Stop.” Sayaka interrupted. “I’m going to miss Kyoko forever…” just saying her name caused a storm in Sayaka’s mind, however there was also another thought breaking through the storm. “but you’re the only reason I even have a forever to miss her for. Even I’m not selfish enough to ask for more from you.”
“You’re not selfish Sayaka!” Madoka immediately argued.
Sayaka waved her hand dismissively before she could say more. “Nah I am, but if you think I’m not then I hope you don’t mind me sleeping on your couch again!”
Madoka smiled warmly. “Of course I don’t mind! You’re always welcome in our home, right Homura?”
Homura had been content just observing the conversation, she hadn’t expected to be dragged into it. “Yes,” she nodded in agreement. “You’re always welcome in…our home.” She paused. “At this rate we should probably get you an actual bed.”
Sayaka laughed. “Eh the couch is more funner. I’ve gotten used to it y’know? Weirdly cozy.”
Madoka and Homura both just laughed. “If you say so.” Homura shrugged. “You could at least let us unfold the couch into a bed.”
“…it can do that?”
Madoka found herself spluttering. “Sayaka! I’ve told you that! I’ve offered to unfold it multiple times!”
“…I may have forgot”
“Sayaka!”
“I’m sorry ok!?”
“It’s ok I forgive you.” Madoka giggled, to which Sayaka could only smile.
“How about we clean this place up and go back home?” Madoka finally asked.
Sayaka smiled. “I’d like that.”
As the trio finally got ready to leave the gym Sayaka found herself reflecting once more. She had a lot of regrets, and had made even more mistakes. But even if things weren’t ideal, she’d had to have done something right to have ended up with such wonderful friends to spend the rest of eternity with.