Work Text:
Ever since Tommy started working at Las Nevadas, things didn’t get any better. If anything, the days felt even longer for both of them. Quackity kept them working until late.
Tommy stared at himself in the mirror. He could’ve sworn the white streak in his hair had gotten bigger — he was definitely getting stress gray hairs after weeks of this. Suddenly Slime appeared with several bottles of different liquors.
It had been a long day. Everyone was exhausted, even Quackity decided to join the little gathering.
Even though selling alcohol to minors was technically banned in Las Nevadas, Quackity didn’t really care about that law if it meant making money. He just turned a blind eye while watching Purpled and Tommy compete to see who would get alcohol poisoning first.
Honestly, none of the Las Nevadas members who were there that night remember exactly what happened. One moment they were drinking, and a few hours later…
📍 Snowchester – 4:25 AM
Tubbo had insomnia. Parenthood was exhausting him, and finally getting Michael to sleep had been a struggle. Everything was harder without Ranboo around, so he had to manage on his own. But even then, he was still wide awake with no intention of sleeping.
He looked up at the stars, silently begging for something — anything — to save him from the boredom. And just like that, he heard footsteps approaching his property. Curious, he turned toward the visitors.
Purpled and Tommy stumbled toward him, leaning on each other so they wouldn’t collapse, muttering things that made no sense. Tubbo raised an eyebrow and walked closer.
“Guys, did something happen or—?”
“Tubbo, we need you to marry us.”
“UH?”
Tubbo hated how blunt Tommy could be. The ram hybrid nearly choked on his own saliva at the request. He looked at Purpled, hoping this was some bad joke, but to his surprise the alien nodded repeatedly.
“Great, well…”
He wasn’t stupid. Both of them were completely drunk and had no idea what they were doing. But since his own married life with Ranboo wasn’t exactly thrilling right now, marrying these two idiots sounded better than staring at the ceiling.
“Come inside. But if you regret this tomorrow, just know I had nothing to do with it.”
Once inside, Tubbo took the ceremony surprisingly seriously. He draped a sheet over himself like a toga and gave them both crowns made of wilted flowers. The two boys looked at each other like they were fully aware of what they were doing.
“Thomas Careful Danger Kraken… do you take Purpled to be your husband?”
He tried to sound gentle, keeping his voice low so he wouldn’t wake Michael. Tommy let out a loud laugh, looking at Purpled, who looked like he was about to pass out.
“I do.”
“Good. Purpled… do you take this idiot to be your husband?”
The alien nodded with some difficulty and managed to say:
“I… I do.”
Tubbo, already exhausted, joined their hands.
“Then, by the power given to me by insomnia and being the only sober person here… I now pronounce you husbands. You may kiss or… whatever.”
They didn’t kiss. Tommy just nearly collapsed onto Purpled, and Purpled ended up throwing up on Tubbo’s floor, which earned them both an immediate eviction from the house. The two boys stumbled away laughing, with no real idea what the hell they had just done.
📍 Las Nevadas – 2 PM
Purpled woke up first, overwhelmed by the amount of sweat covering his body. He hated being hypersensitive to sensations. He made a face of pure suffering as he took off the crushed flower crown from his head. Then he looked across the room.
Tommy was snoring in his own bed.
Wearing a flower crown.
Purpled blinked.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
His eyes dropped to his own hand, where a candy ring sat on his finger. He looked back at Tommy, who was snoring in an awkward position with his own candy ring visible on his hand.
In two steps he was at Tommy’s bed, shaking him awake.
“Tommy!”
“Wha… what?”
Tommy rubbed his eyes. From Snowchester, Tubbo had sent them a message:
Tubbo:
Congrats, idiots.
Don’t ask me for a divorce, I’m very tired :)
It took Tommy a few seconds to process everything. He licked the candy ring to make sure it was real.
“Raspberry.”
“THAT’S NOT THE FUCKING POINT—”
Purpled covered his ears while pacing in circles. He was panicking.
“Tubbo said yes, we need him to undo this. I’m too young for this.”
“Wait, no— this isn’t so bad, right? We’re friends, aren’t we?”
Purpled turned to look at him in disbelief.
“What does that have to do with anything? Do you want a honeymoon or something?”
Tommy immediately shook his head, then coughed awkwardly and went straight to the point.
“Not all marriages happen because of romantic love. Besides, we could take advantage of this. Maybe we’d get promotions in different businesses around the server for being married…”
He paused.
“What I’m trying to say is… I wouldn’t mind being married to you. In a platonic way, if you want to call it that.”
Tommy stood up and walked over to Purpled, taking his hands.
“So we can be the Golden Duo forever… yeah?”
Purpled laughed in his face, partly amused, partly because it was a little ridiculous. But it was also… kind of sweet. He looked down at the floor for a few seconds.
He remembered his first day on the server. The only name in his head had been Tommy.
An idiot who didn’t seem that special back then, but had been good company even when he tried to kill him those first few days. Deep down, Purpled knew he didn’t have many reasons to smile. It was strange that this British guy was making him question that.
“Married… in a platonic way?” Purpled asked.
He hated his job at the casino. He hated every second he spent there. But ever since Tommy started working at Las Nevadas just to be closer to him and try to build a stronger friendship, things had started to feel different. Tommy had always been Purpled’s priority.
Now, the alien understood that he was also Tommy’s priority. At least in that moment, the idea of not undoing their stupid decision felt… acceptable.
A few days later.
📍 The same tree as before – 1:23 PM
Dream and Punz had fought again.
“Did you get married and not invite me?” Punz asked.
Purpled rolled his eyes.
“I know I promised you that if I ever got married I’d invite you even if I hated you. But now that I think about it, you didn’t invite me to your wedding with Dream either. So do you really have the right to complain?”
Punz clicked his tongue and crossed his legs.
“Fine. I’m glad my Christmas advice worked for Tommy. Can I know what you got each other?”
Purpled blushed a little and touched his chest, realizing he had left his amethyst amulet in his room.
“Not—”
“Ow :(”