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For as long as Ahn Keonho could remember, there had never been a world where Eom Seonghyeon wasn't within arm's reach.
It wasn't something he actively thought about and simply existed.
Like Juhoon nagging everyone to sleep before three in the morning, or James pretending he hated noise while somehow being responsible for half of it and Martin stealing food from everyone's plates and acting offended when caught.
Seonghyeon was always there.
If Keonho complained about choreography, Seonghyeon would complain louder. If Keonho stole his drink, Seonghyeon would steal his meal in retaliation. If Keonho laughed, Seonghyeon usually laughed with him. They fought over everything and nothing. About playlists, about which food to order, who stole whose hoodie and who was more annoying.
The answer to the last one, according to everyone else, especially James, was both.
Especially when both are together.
"Can you two stop arguing for five minutes?"
Martin sighed as he watched Keonho and Seonghyeon glare at each other over a cup of instant ramen.
"He took my egg," Keonho whine.
"It was rolling toward me", Seonhyeon defence.
"That's not how ownership works!"
"It touched my bowl first."
James didn't even look up from his phone.
Martin sighed for the umpteenth time and ignoring them completely.
Seonghyeon grinned triumphantly as he bit directly into the stolen egg.
Keonho gasped dramatically.
"You monster."
"You'll survive."
"I won't."
"You literally have another egg."
"It's the principle!"
Martin rubbed his temples.
"Why are all of you like this?"
No one had an answer, because this was normal. This is Cortis.
Noise.
Arguments.
Laughter.
Five people existing in each other's spaces so naturally that silence felt wrong.
……………………………….
Which was why Keonho noticed immediately when something changed.
At first it was small. Small enough that he ignored it.
Small enough that he thought he imagined it.
Like Seonghyeon sitting beside Juhoon during lunch instead of beside him, choosing to sit in the middle of the van instead of the back like he usually do or leaving the practice room before Keonho finished tying his shoes.
Tiny meaningless things. Except they kept happening.
Again, and again, and again.
Until eventually Keonho found himself looking around for Seonghyeon only to realize, he was already somewhere else.
……………………………….
"Did I do something wrong?"
Juhoon looked up from his books.
"Hm?"
"To Seonghyeon."
Juhoon blinked.
"What did you do?"
"I don't know."
"That's not helpful."
"I know."
Keonho flopped dramatically onto the couch.
"He's weird."
"You're weird too."
"Not helping."
Juhoon considered this.
"Maybe he's busy?"
"He ignored me."
"When?"
"I asked if he wanted acai."
"...that's your evidence?"
"He said no."
Juhoon stared.
"You think he's avoiding you because he doesn't want acai?"
"He always wants acai."
"..."
"..."
"Actually," Juhoon admitted slowly, "that is kind of suspicious."
"RIGHT?"
……………………………….
Practice became strange.
Not bad, not hostile.
Just...different, a bit of was it tension? awkwardness?
Whenever Keonho accidentally brushed shoulders with him during choreography, Seonghyeon stepped away faster than usual.
Whenever they had breaks, Seonghyeon found reasons to be somewhere else.
Whenever Keonho started a conversation, Seonghyeon answered. But briefly, too polite.
Like talking to a classmate instead of, instead of him.
The worst part is…because Keonho didn't know what he did.
You couldn't fix something if you didn't know how you broke it.
……………………………….
Seonghyeon is still in the company when the conversation took place.
"Hyung"
Martin looked up from his laptop, leaning on the bed.
"What happened?" the leader quickly ask.
"Why do you assume something happened?"
"You've been staring at me for ten minutes."
Keonho frowned. "I wasn't."
"You were."
"..."
"..."
"You looked sad," Martin add.
Keonho immediately looked away.
Martin closed his laptop.
"Talk."
"It's nothing."
"Keonho."
"It's really nothing."
Martin raised an eyebrow.
"The last time you said that, you accidentally flush shampoo bottle in the toilet bowl."
"It was an accident."
"It was big bottle, belong to Seonghyeon. The one you said you hate the smell."
"It smell like medicine," he pout.
Martin laughed quietly. Then his expression softened.
"This is about Seonghyeon right." Not a question but a statement.
Keonho stared at the floor.
"...is it obvious?" he doesn’t need to explain anything because Martin always know.
"To me? Yes" Martin smile slightly.
Keonho swallowed.
"Did I do something?"
Martin was silent for a moment.
"I don't think so."
"Then why is he acting like that?"
"I don't know."
That somehow hurt more. Because Martin usually knew everything. Not in a creepy way.
Just... a leader way. If Martin didn't know, maybe it really was bad.
……………………………….
The breaking point happened two weeks after.
The members had finished a live broadcast.
Juhoon and Martin went to grab food with manager hyung.
James had disappeared somewhere.
Keonho went looking for Seonghyeon.
He found him on one of hidden balcony, where people smokes.
Or, almost found him. Because before he opened the door completely, he heard voices.
James and Seonghyeon.
"...you can't keep doing this forever." James reprimand.
Silence… before Seonghyeon's reply.
"I know."
"Then talk to him."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"Because the fans are getting worse."
Keonho froze.
James sighed.
"Fans ship everyone."
"This isn't the same."
"How?"
"The edits, the comments, the analysis videos, the compilations," Seonghyeon sounded exhausted. "They watch every interaction."
James didn't answer.
"They analyse if I stand beside him too close."
"If I look at him too long."
"If I laugh at his jokes too much."
"If I touch him or hug him it means something."
Keonho stopped breathing.
Inside the room, Seonghyeon continued quietly.
"I can't even act normal anymore because suddenly normal becomes content."
James spoke carefully.
"So your solution is avoiding him?"
"My solution is protecting him. He is the maknae."
Keonho's fingers tightened around his phone.
"What if people start hating him because of me?"
"They won't"
"You don't know that hyung. Some already start."
Silence.
"The comments are already bad."
James didn't speak.
"I read them, my sister read them."
Keonho's heart dropped.
"They say I'm using him for attention."
"They say he's leading me on."
"They say we're manipulating fans."
"They say…" his voice cracked slightly.
"They say disgusting things."
Another silence.
Then James finally spoke.
"So instead, you're hurting him."
No answer.
"I know." Seonghyeon's voice came out almost as a whisper.
"I know I am."
Keonho couldn't listen anymore.
He walked away before they could hear more.
Before they could see him.
……………………………….
The dorm was quiet when he returned. Too quiet.
He sat on his bed staring at nothing. Because somehow this hurt more than if Seonghyeon had simply been angry at him. Because it wasn't anger or annoyance. It wasn't even about him.
It was about strangers. People who they never met. People who watched edited videos and thirty second clips and decided they understood their lives.
People who turned friendships into entertainment, profits.
People who made aware of Seonghyeon smiling too much nor standing too close to him.
Like existing naturally beside his friend was dangerous.
His friend.
The word hurt.
Because apparently even that had become complicated.
……………………………….
A knock came at his door. Keonho didn't answer but it opened anyway.
James.
Of course he’s the one who came back first. The older member looked at him for a long moment.
"You heard" not a question but a confirmation. Why all his hyungs have to know everything, to notice everything.
He just nodded.
James sighed quietly sitting down beside him on his bed.
"He didn't mean to hurt you."
"I know."
"He's stupid, and scared."
"I know."
James sat beside him.
Neither spoke.
After a while, Keonho finally asked,
"Did he really read those comments?"
James nodded once.
"...yeah."
Keonho looked down at his hands.
"People are horrible sometimes. He should've just told me."
"Instead, he just..." his voice cracked. "He disappeared."
James was quiet for a while. "He thought distance would make things easier."
Keonho laughed bitterly. "It didn't."
"No, It really didn't." James nodded.
Because somehow the absence hurt more than the rumors ever could.
……………………………….
That night, for the first time in days, Seonghyeon came back early and slept before him.
No wall separates their bed. But why does he feel like and ocean between them?
And neither knew how to cross it.
……………………………….
The first person to notice was Martin.
Of course it was Martin.
Martin noticed everything.
He noticed when Juhoon skipped breakfast to prioritize his sleep.
He noticed when James worked too late and quietly left food inside the fridge.
He noticed when Seonghyeon laughed too loudly because he was hiding exhaustion.
And he definitely noticed when his two youngest suddenly started orbiting around each other like opposite poles of a magnet.
Avoiding.
Redirecting.
Leaving rooms at the same time only to choose opposite side.
For days, the problem had been Seonghyeon avoiding Keonho.
Now, it was both of them.
……………………………….
"Pass me the water."
Silence.
Juhoon blinked.
The bottle appeared in front of Seonghyeon.
Not from Keonho, but from James.
Seonghyeon froze.
Juhoon looked equally confused.
"Uh... thanks hyung?"
"No problem."
Keonho continued eating.
Not looking up. Not reacting or even glancing toward Seonghyeon.
The table felt strangely cold.
Because usually the conversation would happen like this:
"Get it yourself."
"You're closer."
"And?"
"You're evil."
"Correct."
Normal, annoying but comfortable.
Now…Nothing.
………………………………………..
Practice was worse.
Break time arrived.
Instinctively, Seonghyeon looked toward where Keonho was sitting. Then stopped and stare.
Because Keonho somehow stood up.
"Martin hyung."
The leader looked up from his phone.
"Hm?"
"Wanna get snack?"
Martin blinked.
"Now?"
"I suddenly craving potato chips, he pout using his rounded eyes."
"..."
"..."
"Okay?"
Keonho smiled. A perfect smile.
Bright.
Cheerful.
Completely fake.
Martin immediately knew. Seonghyeon too.
But he stood anyway.
"Sure."
As they walked away, Keonho didn't look back.
Seonghyeon still staring after the door close. Usually it was him that Keonho will call.
James sits beside him minutes later.
"You look miserable."
"I am miserable."
"Good to know self-awareness is alive."
Seonghyeon glared.
James ignored him.
"You know he's doing exactly what you did. He learned from you surprisingly quickly."
Seonghyeon's jaw tightened.
"I know."
"Then fix it."
"I can't, I’m scared."
James looked genuinely annoyed now.
"Why not?"
"Because if I talk to him he'll ask questions."
"Of course."
"And then I'll have to answer."
"...yup"
"And then he'll know the reason."
James only stared silently.
Because that was exactly what will happened.
No matter how noble his intention was, how understandable the fear is, how ugly the comments hunt him, at the end of the day, Seonghyeon had looked at anonymous usernames.
And then looked at Keonho.
And stepped away.
…………………………………
The thing was, Keonho understood hate.
He understood it better than anyone realized.
Everyone saw him as the maknae, the loud member, the energetic one.
The member who somehow survived on chaos and sugar.
They forgot people could smile and still hurt.
He was fifteen when he read his first hate comment.
"He's only popular because of his face."
Sixteen.
"He's so loud. Does he ever shut up?"
"Annoying maknae."
Seventeen.
"Martin looks exhausted dealing with him."
"Martin clearly likes the Seonghyeon more."
"He's talentless but pretty privilege saves him again."
"Just because he good at swimming doesn’t mean he can get away from a lot of things."
"Cortis wouldn’t even be affected with just four members, exclude him."
He remembered every single one.
Even now. Especially now when they became more popular.
Because unlike Seonghyeon—
He never stopped standing beside his members.
Not once.
Not when people accused him of using Martin for attention because the leader spoiled him too much.
Not when compilations titled Martin babysitting Keonho for ten minutes straight reached millions of views.
Not when people called him clingy, attention-seeking or immature.
Not when they said Martin looked burdened.
Not when they said he was ruining the group image.
Because Martin was Martin.
And Keonho was Keonho.
And strangers weren't allowed to decide what existed between them.
So why—
Why was it different now?
…………………………………
"You're thinking too serious it scary."
Keonho looked up from the cup in his hand.
Martin stood in the kitchen doorway. For how long? He doesn’t know.
"It's suspicious" Martin add.
"I'm reflecting."
"Even more suspicious, especially at midnight like this."
Keonho laughed. A real one this time. Small but there.
Martin sat beside him.
Neither spoke.
Keonho asked quietly,
"Hyung."
"Hm?"
"Do people say bad things about us?"
Martin looked at him carefully.
"Sometimes."
"About me?"
"Keonho—"
"Just answer."
The leader sighed.
"Yes."
Keonho nodded.
"I know."
Martin frowned.
"I've read them before."
"Does it bother you?" he continue.
Martin didn't answer immediately.
"Sometimes."
"Because I'm annoying?"
"No."
"Because I'm loud?"
"No."
"Because I make your life difficult?"
Martin looked genuinely offended.
"You think that's why?"
Keonho looked away.
Martin sighed.
Then grabbed the back of his neck lightly. Patting it.
A habit. One he only did when Keonho was spiralling.
"Listen carefully."
Keonho looked up.
"I choose my members, every single time." His voice was calm.
Keonho stared.
"If people hate you for being loud, then they hate you."
Martin shrugged.
"If people think you're annoying, that's their problem."
Another shrug.
"If people think I don't love my maknae, they're objectively stupid."
Keonho laughed despite himself.
Martin continued.
"No comment section gets voting rights on who I care about."
The words hit harder than they should have. Because there it is. Exactly that.
No comment section gets voting rights.
So why did Seonghyeon give them one?
…………………………………
The shift became obvious quickly.
If Seonghyeon sat beside James—
Keonho sat beside Martin.
If Seonghyeon walked with James after schedules—
Keonho followed Martin.
If Seonghyeon hid behind James during interviews—
Keonho somehow appeared beside the leader.
Every single time.
Not clingy, not obvious, but eenough.
Enough for everyone to notice. Even the staff.
Juhoon just chill watching the drama happening inside their dorm. He’s trying not to pick side. He will speak when needed.
…………………………………
"Am I being used as a weapon or shield?"
Keonho nearly choked on his drink.
"No?"
Martin raised an eyebrow.
"That sounded incredibly convincing."
"..."
"..."
"Maybe a little."
The leader sighed. "You know I don't mind you sticking around."
"I know." Keonho looked down.
"But he has James hyung, and I have you."
Martin's expression softened immediately. Dangerously so.
Because Martin Edward had many weaknesses.
Leadership responsibility, sleep deprivation, the members.
Especially the members.
Especially his youngest member, Ahn Keonho.
The boy could probably ask for state secrets and Martin would consider it.
…………………………………
Meanwhile, James was having problems of his own. In the form of Eom Seonghyeon, in his and Juhoon room.
"Tell him."
"No."
"Tell him."
"No."
"Tell him."
"No."
James put down his phone.
"You are twenty seconds away from me physically dragging you to him."
Seonghyeon glared.
"You wouldn't."
"I absolutely would."
"...you'd enjoy it too."
"Immensely."
…………………………………
The breaking point came during a fansign event.
A fan asked Keonho; "Are Keonho and Seonghyeon fighting?"
The table went silent. Everyone heard the question.
Usually, the answer would've been immediate and playful.
"Always."
"Literally every day."
"He's annoying."
"He's worse."
Instead, Keonho smiled.
That same perfect smile. Too perfect.
Seonghyeon hesitated. Listening to the conversation. Ignoring the fan in front of him.
"We're okay, he answers."
The fan laughed nervously. "You seem distant lately."
"We're just busy, so I’m a bit tired to play sometimes. Sorry to worry you."
Professional, polite and safe.
…………………………………
That night, Seonghyeon found Keonho alone on the dorm balcony and close the sliding door behind him for privacy.
For a moment neither spoke.
Then, he start slowly. Hesitantly…
"You know I wasn't trying to hurt you."
Keonho laughed quietly.
"Funny thing about getting hurt."
Seonghyeon looked down.
"It happens anyway, Keonho continue"
Silence.
"I was trying to protect you."
Keonho finally looked at him. His eyes slightly watering. Not crying, not yet.
"From what?"
"The comments."
"I already read comments."
Seonghyeon froze.
Keonho continued.
"You think I don't know what people say?"
No answer.
"You think this is my first time being hated?"
Still nothing.
"They call me talentless."
"They call me loud."
"They say Martin hyung babies me because I'm useless."
"They say I only exist because of my face."
Each sentence came out quieter.
Sadder.
Which somehow hurt more.
"And through all of that…" His voice cracked.
"I never once thought about leaving him behind."
Seonghyeon looked like someone punched him.
Keonho swallowed hard.
"Because I trusted us, my member more than I trusted strangers."
The silence was unbearable. The words finally came out. Small and broken.
"So why didn't you?" he ask.
Seonghyeon's eyes widened.
Keonho looked away wiping his tears.
"Why didn't you trust me enough to let me decide if it was worth it?"
No answer. Because there wasn't one for him to fixed this.
Not one that erased weeks of distance.
Not one that changed the fact that Seonghyeon had made the decision alone for both of them.
Keonho turn around.
"I'm tired."
"Keonho" he calls.
Keonho stopped walking. Without turning around he continue.
"You know the worst part? I would've stayed beside you anyway." His voice was barely above a whisper.
"No matter what they said."
Another silence.
"But you didn't even give me the chance."
The balcony door closed.
Leaving Seonghyeon alone. Tears streaming down his cheek silently.
For the first time, feeling exactly what Keonho had felt these past weeks.
The space, the silence and the distance.
But realizing too late or too stubborn. How much it hurt when the person on the other side stopped reaching back.
………………………………..
The atmosphere in the dorm died slowly. Piece by piece.
Until one day everyone realized it wasn't there anymore.
The noise, the random arguments, the shouting across rooms. The stability has been broken.
Now, the dorm was quiet. Too quiet, too polite. And Cortis was never supposed be like that. The hyungs don’t know what to do.
Martin noticed it first during dinner. Because he observes, and habits were impossible to kill.
Keonho walked into the kitchen looking toward the cabinet and paused.
Because Seonghyeon was already standing there blocking it.
For half a second, Martin saw the old instinct.
Keonho opening his mouth to complain to Seonghyeon.
And Seonghyeon was preparing a comeback.
The familiar rhythm.
But then, Keonho simply turned around. Open the fridge, take some apple and walked away secluded himself in their room again.
No words. No eye contact.
Seonghyeon was left standing there staring at the floor. He looks so pitiful.
Juhoon stared at the ceiling like he was asking higher powers for patience while James looked like he wanted to disappear or stand up hugging Seonghyeon.
………………………………..
The explosion happened three days later.
Ironically, because of Juhoon and fried chicken.
Juhoon slammed the box onto the table. His favourite.
"Enough."
Everyone looked up.
His own twin rarely raised his voice. But when he did, people listened.
Juhoon pointed at Keonho.
"You."
Then Seonghyeon.
"You too."
Neither spoke.
"I am tired."
He pointed around the room.
"Do you know what this place feels like now?"
Silence.
"It feels like divorced parents sharing custody."
James snorted.
Martin mouth twitched.
Juhoon wasn't finished. Oh, he was serious.
"I have scheduled all day."
He pointed at himself.
"I am tired."
Pointed at James.
"He's tired."
Pointed at Martin.
"He's definitely tired."
Martin nodded immediately.
"Extremely."
"And now I come home and somehow the dorm feels like a funeral home."
He crossed his arms.
"So, either fight properly or fix it." Juhoon glared.
"Because this passive aggressive nonsense is killing me."
"I am not being passive aggressive." Four heads turned toward Keonho.
He blinked.
"What?"
Martin raised an eyebrow.
"You started calling me hyung in every sentence."
"You are my hyung."
"You only do that when you're plotting or want something."
"..."
"Last month you called me Martin for an entire week."
"That was different."
"How?"
"You stole my fries."
"I bought the fries."
"Fries and me have history since before Cortis. Ask fans."
Juhoon pointed at the sulking maknae.
"See? That! That's normal! Do more of that!"
Nobody laughed.
Because despite the joke, the problem remained.
………………………………..
Later that night, James found Martin in the living room.
"Your children are malfunctioning."
Martin sighed.
"I noticed."
"We should do something."
"We've been doing something."
"Clearly not enough."
Martin leaned back against the couch.
"I understand both of them."
James looked over.
"That's the problem."
The leader nodded.
"Seonghyeon isn't wrong for being scared."
"No."
"Keonho isn't wrong for being hurt."
"No."
"They're both right."
James sighed.
"And that's why nobody wins."
………………………………..
Across the hall, Keonho sat on his bed staring at his phone. Seonghyeon still in the shower.
The screen keep lighting up. Notifications piling from various social media.
Fans.
Messages.
Mentions.
Tags.
Edits.
Compilations.
Comments.
He opened one.
Big mistake.
"Keonho looking withdrawn nowadays. Even if he’s tired,he shouldn’t make that face."
"Martin keeps checking on the baby. It must be exhausted for him."
"He's just been attention seeking."
"Now his mood is affecting my Seonghyonie."
His thumb hovered over the screen.
Then another one.
"Keonhyeon moments are getting awkward lately."
"Seonghyeon finally escaping the clingy maknae."
"Maybe management told them to stop the fanservice."
"Good. It was getting weird."
He locked the phone and threw it onto the bed and laughed.
Not because it was funny, because suddenly he understood, painfully.
The comments will never stop.
Not for him, not for Seonghyeon, Martin or all of them.
The door open interrupting his taught.
"Juhoon sent me here"
"To interogate me?"
"Unfortunately. He worried too you know."
Keonho smiled weakly.
Martin sat beside him looking at the phone on his feet.
"You read comments again" he took the phone and put it on bedside table.
Keonho looked away. Damn his leader quick observation.
Martin sighed.
"You know most of them are wrong."
"I know."
"Then why read them?"
"Because sometimes I want to know what people see when they look at me."
Martin frowned.
"And?"
Keonho laughed quietly.
"I don't think they see me at all."
The room went silent.
Martin spoke carefully.
"I see you."
Keonho looked up.
"You are loud."
"Thanks."
"You are annoying."
"Ouch."
"You steal food."
"Still growing."
"You leave your clothes everywhere."
"...fair."
Martin continued pulling his body in side hug.
"You also work harder than almost anyone I know."
The younger member froze.
"You remember everyone's schedules."
"You stay awake waiting for us to come home."
"You help before anyone asking."
"You make this dorm louder when everyone's tired because silence makes people think too much."
Keonho sit still.
Martin's voice softened.
"I don't keep you around because I have a soft spot for you. I have a soft spot for you because you're you. So stop being sad. This is not about winning anymore. Be the first if he too scares to start. I raise you to be a better person Ahn Keonho."
The words hit harder than expected.
Because Martin wasn't good at emotional conversations.
Which meant when he had them, he meant every word.
………………………………..
Meanwhile, across the apartment, James was losing patience looking at the freshly out of shower 2nd maknae.
"Talk to him."
"No."
"Talk to him."
"No."
"Talk to him."
"No."
James closed his laptop. Luckily Juhoon was watching something on their living room.
"You know what annoys me?"
Seonghyeon sighed. "Many things."
"Correct."
James pointed at him.
"You keep acting like you're the only one who got hurt."
Seonghyeon blinked.
"What?"
"You read horrible comments."
"Yes."
"You got scared."
"Yes."
"You wanted to protect him."
"Yes."
James leaned forward.
"But did you ever ask if he wanted protection?"
Silence.
"No."
"Did you ask about his opinion?"
Silence.
"No."
"Did you ask whether he trusted your friendship enough to survive this?"
Nothing.
Because the answer remained the same.
James sighed. "You made the decision for both of you, so now you need to solve it. Before we are a team, he is your bestfriends first."
Seonghyeon stared at the floor.
"I know."
James looked at him.
"No."
The younger member frowned.
"You know it intellectually, but I don't think you've understood what that feels like from his side."
………………………………..
The answer came sooner than expected.
The following day, behind the scenes during filming when the members were waiting for cameras to reset.
Martin sat on the floor checking their schedules.
Keonho walked over without hesitation and sat beside him. Close enough that their shoulders touched.
Martin didn't react. Because this wasn't unusual.
Keonho leaned over and said something quietly.
Martin laughed. The leader reached over and fixed the younger member's hair.
Keonho grinned. Bright and natural.
Then, Seonghyeon heard it. Two staff members nearby whispering.
"Martin really babies him."
"I know."
"Sometimes I wonder if fans are right."
"About?"
"That Keonho depends on him too much."
Quiet laughter not too loud but enough if anyone nearby want to eavesdropped.
Seonghyeon's heart sank. Now he suddenly understood. Because Keonho heard it too. He had to. He was standing just right there.
Seonghyeon was looking, but Keonho only rolled his eyes. Then grabbed Martin's sleeve dramatically.
"Hyung, buy me food."
Martin looked offended.
"I bought food yesterday."
"Again."
"You're expensive."
"Worth it."
"Barely."
Keonho laughed.
The real laugh.
The one Seonghyeon hadn't heard in weeks.
And Martin laughed too.
Neither of them moved away from each other because strangers didn't get voting rights.
Not here. Not ever.
And for the first time, Seonghyeon understood exactly what Keonho meant on the balcony.
Why he said he would've stayed no matter what. Because Keonho had already been doing it for years. He just too blind to see.
That realization hurt because suddenly the truth became unavoidable.
Keonho had trusted him completely. Enough to stand beside him through everything.
But Seonghyeon…
Seonghyeon blinked first.
………………………………..
That night, he stood outside their rooms staring at the door. Keonho inside, alone.
For ten minutes maybe fifteen.
James walked past.
Stopped.
Looked at him.
"You're embarrassing me."
"I'm thinking."
"You've been thinking for three weeks."
"..."
"Try talking instead" then he walk away with that innocent face. Like his dongsaeng is not in a bridge of mental collapse.
………………………………..
Seonghyeon push opened the door seeing Keonho sat cross-legged on his bed. Martin's hoodie hanging loosely from his shoulders.
The younger member looked up expression unreadable.
"What?" he ask. Feeling the stare.
Seonghyeon swallowed. For the first time in a long time Eom Seonghyeon had absolutely no idea what to say. Because apologies were easy but fixing trust wasn't. And standing in front of someone you hurt, knowing they had every right not to forgive you was terrifying.
Keonho waited.
Quietly.
Patiently.
Seonghyeon hated that.
So finally he said the only honest thing he had left.
"I miss you."
Keonho froze. He expect another sorry…but not this.
The room fell silent.
Neither of them realized that outside the door, 3 nosy housemates were standing near the wall.
Absolutely not eavesdropping.
Martin was not eavesdropping, he just want to go back inside his room.
James was not eavesdropping, he just pass by but the giant is blocking the walkway.
Juhoon was absolutely not eavesdropping. He just chilling looking at the wall.
Coincidentally. Very.
Juhoon looked at James.
"We're terrible people."
James nodded.
"Correct."
Martin pinched the bridge of his nose.
"If either of them opens this door we're all dead."
"Probably."
"Definitely."
Inside the room—
Neither of the younger members knew.
Or maybe they did. They just don’t care. Afterall, privacy in the dorm was more of a suggestion than a rule.
………………………………..
"I miss you."
Keonho stared at him stunned.
For a second he taught Seonghyeon looked seventeen. Still a young boy, just like him. Here, he was not idol Seonghyeon. Not the member that fans analysed frame by frame.
Here, he just His Seonghyeon.
The one who stole his food.
The one who argued with him over stupid things.
The one who knew exactly what ramen brand he prefers.
The one who knew when he was upset before he even spoke.
The one who disappeared.
Keonho looked away.
"...you don't get to say that like nothing happened."
"I know."
"Do you?"
Seonghyeon flinched.
Because there was no anger in Keonho's voice.
Anger would've been easier. This was disappointment and it hurt differently, deeply.
"You miss me?"
Keonho laughed quietly.
"But you left first."
The words landed like a punch. Because they were true.
"I was still here."
"Were you?"
Seonghyeon opened his mouth. Closed it again.
"You know what was the worst part?" Keonho asked.
"The comments?"
"No."
"The avoiding?"
"No."
Seonghyeon looked confused.
Keonho swallowed.
"It was watching you take your time to decide on which can or which cannot."
The room became silent.
"You decided our friendship was dangerous."
"Keonho—"
"You did."
His voice wasn't loud.
That somehow made it worse.
"You looked at us and decided we needed fixing."
"No, I—"
"You looked at me and thought I couldn't handle it."
Seonghyeon froze.
“That wasn't..”
Was it? Keonho continued anyway.
"You never asked me what I wanted."
"You never asked if I was okay."
"You never asked if I cared."
His eyes finally met Seonghyeon's.
"You just decided."
………………………………..
Outside the room
Martin's expression fell.
James stared at the floor.
Juhoon suddenly understood why James had looked so tired these past few weeks.
Because hearing it out loud—
It sounded worse.
Much worse.
…………………………
Seonghyeon looked lost.
"I thought I was helping."
"I know."
The answer came immediately.
Because that was the problem. Keonho never doubted his intentions.
Not once. He doubted his trust.
"I know you wanted to protect me."
Keonho looked down at his hands.
"But why was protecting me more important than trust me?"
Silence.
No answer. Because Seonghyeon didn't have one.
"You know what I learned after debut?"
Keonho asked quietly.
"That people are going to talk anyway."
He laughed softly. No humor in it.
"If I laugh too much I'm annoying."
"If I talk too much I'm attention seeking."
"If I'm quiet people ask if I hate my members."
"If Martin hyung takes care of me, I'm dependent."
"If he doesn't, then he doesn't love me."
Another laugh.
Smaller this time.
"If I breathe wrong someone online probably has an opinion about it too."
Seonghyeon looked down tears start to form.
He knew. Of course he did. But hearing it from Keonho felt different. Because Keonho never talked about this.
"I read comments too." The confession came quietly.
"I know."
"No, I don't think you do."
Seonghyeon looked up.
Keonho's smile was small. Tired.
"I know exactly what people say about me. I just decided they don't know me well enough to matter."
That hurt, because that exactly was the difference between them.
Seonghyeon absorbed things. Held onto them. Carried them until they became heavier than they should have been.
Keonho…he let things hit him. Then kept walking anyway. Not because he wasn't hurt. But because stopping would mean letting strangers decide who he became.
"So why couldn't you do that with us?"
The question finally came.
Soft.
Small.
Devastating.
"Why did you believe them more than you believed me?"
………………………………..
Outside the room
The hyungs closed their eyes.
Because there it was. The real wound.
Not the distance, the awkwardness, nor the silence.
But this.
………………………………..
Inside, Seonghyeon's voice came out barely audible.
"I didn't."
Keonho looked at him.
"I didn't believe them more than you."
"Then what happened?" Keonho push.
He feel fear. Pure and simple.
"I believed they could hurt you."
The words spilled out before he could stop them.
"I saw those comments and I panicked."
His voice shook again.
"Because they were cruel and disgusting and they wouldn't stop."
"I kept thinking if I just stepped back a little then maybe they'd move on."
"Maybe they'd leave you alone."
"Maybe they'd pick another target."
His body shook a little.
"I wasn't choosing them over you."
He laughed bitterly.
"I was trying to fight people I couldn't even see."
Keonho stared at him. That sounded painfully what Seonghyeon woud do.
"But you still left."
"And I had to figure out why by overhearing a conversation that wasn't meant for me."
Seonghyeon closed his eyes.
"You know what I thought at first?" Keonho asked.
"I thought you were tired of me."
Seonghyeon's eyes snapped open.
"What?"
"You stopped sitting next to me, stop talking to me, stop looking for me."
His voice cracked slightly.
"I thought maybe everyone else was right. Maybe you do get tired. Maybe part of the comment is true after all." Keonho looked away.
The words felt wrong in his mouth. Like poison.
"Maybe you finally realize you got tired of dealing with me too."
Now Seonghyeon understood the full damage. He needs to correct this. He steps forward from where he standing near the door.
"No." he answers quickly. Firmly.
Keonho looked up.
Seonghyeon's eyes were shining.
"I have never been tired of you. Not in the past, not now, absolutely not in the future."
Another step forward.
"I don't know if that's physically possible."
Another step until he was in front of Keonho who still sitting on his bed.
"For all that we know, you are the most annoying person I have ever met."
Keonho snorted despite himself.
"You steal food."
A tiny smile.
"You steal hoodies," he point at Martin hoodies that Keonho was wearing right now.
A slightly bigger smile.
"You talk too much."
"Rude."
"You are loud."
"Extremely rude." The pout now visible.
"And if you disappeared for real, I would lose my mind."
The smile disappeared. Because suddenly they were back here. Back at the truth.
"I didn't leave because I wanted distance. I left because I was scared."
Keonho looked at him for a long moment.
"That's still leaving."
Seonghyeon nodded kneeling beside the bed.
"...I know, and I know now how stupid it was."
Silence stretched between them. Heavy.
Then he take Keonho hand in his.
"I don't know how to fix this."
The confession surprised both of them.
The younger member looked down at their join hand.
"I want us to fix this." His voice came out smaller.
"But I don't know how to stop thinking that maybe next time something gets difficult you'll leave again."
………………………………..
Outside the room
Martin looked down immediately. He heard it before. Keonho already told him.
The real problem. Trust once broken rarely came back all at once. His maknae is scare too…
………………………………..
Inside
Seonghyeon looked heartbroken. Because he deserved that question.
He really did.
And the worst part?
He couldn't promise there wouldn't be another scandal.
So instead, he chose honesty.
"I don't know if I won't get scared again." He look at Keonho sincerely.
Keonho looked up. Eyes red.
"But I know I don't want fear making decisions for me anymore."
"And if I panic again—" his voice shook.
"I'll panic with you instead of away from you."
Then, a little smile appear.
"I can work with that." Keonho nod.
Seonghyeon blinked.
"What?"
Keonho shrugged weakly.
"I don't need perfect."
His eyes met Seonghyeon's.
"I just need you on the same side as me."
………………………………..
Outside the room
Juhoon wiped his eyes.
James stared at him.
"Are you crying?"
"No."
"Your face is leaking."
"Shut up."
Martin looked suspiciously emotional too. Their maknae…has grow up. He was taking the first step. That brat… his eyes watering, but he will denied everything later.
………………………………..
Inside
For the first time in weeks, the distance felt smaller.
Not gone, but manageable. Human. Real.
………………………………..
Then, a loud crash came from outside the room.
The three older members froze on the floor. Juhoon legs fail him and he drag Martin and James down.
Keonho and Seonghyeon slowly turned toward the door.
"..."
"..."
Juhoon voice came through immediately.
"My legs cramping."
James followed.
"You need more iron and well done. For a tiny body like that, you’re very heavy."
Martin just sigh.
"I’m not here, pretend you didn’t hear it."
"The emotional damage was unavoidable."
Keonho stared.
Seonghyeon stared.
Then, they laughed.
or the first time in weeks they actually laughed together.
Outside the room, three idiots also celebrated surviving another Cortis crisis.
………………………………..
Healing was annoying, Keonho had decide this approximately four days after his conversation with Seonghyeon. Because healing, apparently, was not one dramatic apology followed by emotional music and a happy ending. It was awkward.
Healing was standing in the kitchen at seven in the morning while reaching for the same cereal box and freezing because for weeks they had trained themselves to avoid each other.
Healing was Seonghyeon immediately pulling his hand back while Keonho doing the same.
Healing was both of them staring at the cereal.
Then at each other.
Then at the cereal again.
"Do you want it?"
"No."
"You touched it first."
"You can have it."
"..."
"..."
From behind them, Juhoon looked up from his phone.
"You two are exhausting."
………………………………..
Healing was remembering old habits existed and like walking on memory lane. For example, Seonghyeon buying Keonho's favourite drink after schedules. Keonho instinctively saving the last piece of fried chicken for Seonghyeon before realizing what he was doing.
Like arguments trying to happen before awkwardness remembered it was supposed to be there.
The first real one happened over a hoodie. Again. Because of course it did.
"That's mine." Seonghyeon pointed at the grey hoodie.
Keonho looked down. The hoodie he was wearing belonged to Seonghyeon. But since when they keeping records?
"It literally has no name on it."
"Take it off."
"Nope."
"Yahh, I was gonna wear it."
"I already wear it. Come take it off yourself if you want. But so you know, I already gone to toilet in it."
Martin looked up to the ceiling. Breath in…breath out... just block the noise with your mind.
"Oh thank God." Juhoon nearly cried.
James nodded. "The ecosystem is recovering."
………………………………..
The comments didn't disappear. One random Tuesday night, Seonghyeon found himself staring at his phone again.
The familiar feeling return. That awful tightness in his chest and voice whispering.
A hand appeared in front of his face, blocking the screen.
Seonghyeon looked up.
Keonho sat beside him.
"You look like you're about to commit a crime."
"I was reading comments."
"Worst."
Keonho took the phone and locked it. Placed it face down.
"They're being awful again."
"I know."
"They're saying—"
"I already know."
Keonho laughed quietly.
"Seonghyeon."
He leaned back against the couch.
"I've been doing this longer than you think."
The older by month looked down.
"I still hate it."
This time Keonho spoke first.
"Okay."
Seonghyeon blinked.
"...okay?"
"You're scared."
"Yes."
"Then it’s okay to be scare."
The younger member shrugged.
"I'm scared too sometimes."
The confession hung between them. Something Keonho rarely admit.
"I hate reading comments before sleeping."
He stared at the tv not really watching.
"Sometimes one stupid sentence sticks in my head for days."
Seonghyeon looked over. He understand.
Keonho laughed quietly.
"Once someone said my laugh sounded fake and I spent an entire month wondering if I laughed wrong and trying practicing it."
"...what?"
"I know. Silly."
They stared at each other.
Then both burst out laughing.
Because honestly—
What did that even mean?
………………………………..
The door opened. Martin entered fisrt.
Looked at both of them in the living room.
Paused.
"Why are you laughing?" he ask.
"No reason." Keonho shrug his shoulder.
James walked in behind him.
Saw them and ask.
"...is this peace?"
Juhoon appeared immediately after. Confused.
"Oh my God, both of them smile. There’s no space between them. Is that Seonghyeon hand on Keonho knee?" he exclaim.
Their hyungs are so dramatic.
Keonho threw a cushion at him.
Juhoon caught it with the reflexes of a man who had survived years of living with Ahn Keonho. Damn.
………………………………..
Three months later, the issue returned.
An edit went viral. Another wave of comments. Another round of strangers deciding they understood five people they had never met.
Management asked if they wanted to reduce interactions temporarily. Just until things calmed down.
The room became quiet.
Everyone looked toward Seonghyeon.
Then toward Keonho.
Waiting.
Because somehow this decision belonged to both of them now.
Seonghyeon looked at Keonho. Keonho looked back.
"No." the answer came simultaneously.
Everyone blinked.
Keonho snorted.
Seonghyeon feels relieved.
Martin laughed first, then James.
Juhoon looked offended.
"Could you at least pretend to deliberate? I enjoy drama."
"No" both twins answer together.
"Heartless."
………………………………..
After the meeting ended, Seonghyeon caught up to Keonho in the hallway.
"You answered quickly."
"So did you."
"I almost got scared again."
Keonho looked over.
The confession wasn't easy he could tell.
"But then I remembered something."
"What?"
Seonghyeon smiled slightly.
"No comment section gets voting rights."
Keonho stopped walking.
Because…Martin. Those were Martin's exact words. Words that somehow belonged to all of them now.
"They don't get to decide who matters to us." Seonghyeon continued quietly.
"They don't get to decide how much I care about you."
"And they definitely don't get to decide where I stand."
Keonho stared at him.
Then smiled the brightest smile that he love so much.
One that reached his eyes.
………………………………..
The fans noticed eventually. Of course they did how things slowly returned.
The arguments.
The bickering.
The stolen drinks.
The eye rolls.
The constant background noise.
The familiarity.
Someone commented:
"They seem more closer lately."
Another replied:
"Maybe they worked through whatever happened."
A third wrote:
"I'm just happy they're smiling again. And honestly, that was enough.”
………………………………..
The five of them were doing live broadcast.
Juhoon was reading comments.
Martin was trying to maintain order and keep the live alive.
James had given up maintaining order years ago and now being his weird endearing self.
Seonghyeon was drinking water.
Keonho was being Keonho, which was the first mistake.
"Hyung" He call, which hyung he didn’t know. Depends on who will reply.
Martin didn't even look up for the screen when he answer.
"No."
"You don't even know what I was going to ask."
"I know enough to prevent it from happen."
"I want food."
"There it is." Juhoon said amused.
"I am starving."
"You ate twenty minutes ago, we already feed him." James spoke dramatically to the fans.
"That was past Keonho and current Keonho needs chicken."
The chat exploded with laughter.
Keonho looked betrayed. Then dramatically collapsed sideways, onto Seonghyeon.
The older boy nearly dropped his bottle.
"Get off."
"No."
"Heavy."
"Rude."
"Truthful."
"Martin hyung!"
"Don't involve me."
Martin sighed.
"Fine."
Victory flashed across Keonho's face.
Then Martin continued calmyly. "I'll buy food for everyone except you."
The room erupted.
Keonho looked horrified. "Betrayal."
James laughed so hard nearly fall from his chair.
Even Juhoon laughed.
And Seonghyeon laughed the loudest. Openly.
Without hesitation, without looking toward the camera wondering what people would say.
He already chose the moment over his fear.
………………………………..
Later that night, after schedules and showers, when everyone finally settled down in their room, Keonho find Martin alone on the balcony.
The leader looked back at him.
"Can't sleep?" he ask.
Keonho shook his head. Then sat beside him. For a while neither spoke.
"Hyung?"
"Hm?"
"Thank you."
Martin frowned.
"For what?"
"For choosing us."
The leader looked genuinely confused.
"I always choose you."
"I know." Keonho smiled. "That's why I'm thankful."
Martin stared at him for a moment. Then reached over and ruffled his hair.
Aggressively with leader affection.
"You're getting sentimental" he said.
"Disgusting, I know."
"Very" the leader smile.
"You know something funny?" Martin asked.
"What?"
"I don't think any of you realize you we all do the same thing."
Keonho frowned. "What thing?"
"We choose each other."
Yeah, maybe that was the answer. Not the opinions of people who only saw pieces of them through screens.
“He understand,” Keonho think.
END.
Notes: Thank you for reading.