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It was 1:00 and Yoonchae could not sleep. She was thinking of Megan. It seemed all she thought of recently was Megan. When she closed her eyes the image of Megan’s face was burned into her lids, looking back at her with that damned puppy dog stare. No matter how hard she tried, she could not rid her thoughts of Megan. And believe her, she’s tried. Yoonchae didn’t understand why all of a sudden she was now fixated on Megan. It didn’t make any sense. Do not get her wrong, Megan was an amazing person. Yoonchae just wished she would let her mind be at ease for even a brief moment.
“Yoonchae! C’mon, we can’t be late, your stylist is waiting for you.”
It was late March, and the girls were going to get new looks for their next comeback. Yoonchae yawned and trudged through the door, why they had to do it at 5 in the morning, she had no idea.
“I’m coming Sophia, I’m coming.”
Sophia rolled her eyes at Yoonchae’s appearance, “what, did you just roll out of bed or something?”
“Does it matter? My hair’s going to get redone anyways.”
“I just hope you brushed your teeth at least.”
If Yoonchae had a nickel for each minute she sat in the chair, she would have approximately $105. Surprise surprise, it takes a very long time to bleach and dye your entire head blond from black. She walked out of the room to see the other four girls waiting for her, and ignored the wave of bitterness at not seeing five. They insisted on doing something afterwards together, getting food at a nearly KBBQ to celebrate the new comeback.
Yoonchae was initially unsure, after all they would have to wait a while just for her, because as far as she knew, she was the only one getting a complete makeover. Her initial doubt died down quickly, at the reactions of the others to the new blonde her.
“OH MY GOD YOONCHAE!”
Everyone sprang up and at her, complimenting the new hair, insisting that blonde was for sure her color. Yoonchae giggled and did a little twirl, and made sure to reciprocate the affection onto the others’ new looks. Once everyone had exchanged their love, they started moving out the door and towards the restaurant. Yoonchae turned to follow them before stopping when somebody tapped on her shoulder. She looked to see Megan grinning at her.
“Hey.”
“Hi Megan.”
Megan leaned in closer, their faces were only a couple of inches apart. Yoonchae could feel Megan’s warm breath against her skin and she felt her face heating up accordingly.
“I really love your hair. It suits you.”
She swiveled and happily walked out, leaving Yoonchae dazed, looking after her.
It was 2:10 and Yoonchae still could not sleep. Although her eyes were heavy, there was a pit in her stomach and a noise in her mind, close to the static of an old radio. She could only really tune it enough to hear one word. Megan.
Megan.
Megan.
Megan.
Yoonchae felt pathetic. No, pathetic wasn’t even the right word to truly encapsulate the utter misery she felt. Megan. If Yoonchae was in a desert with a bottle of water she would walk miles to hand it to Megan if she was slightly thirsty.
No matter how many times Yoonchae flipped and turned in her bed she couldn’t fall asleep. She was absolutely exhausted, but sleeping seemed entirely impossible with the amount of noise in her brain.
Megan.
“Megan! I got tickets to a museum, do you want to-”
“Hold on Yoonchae, one second! I need to think of a good joke to send this guy.”
Megan was sitting on the floor, pouting at her phone so close to her eyes Yoonchae wondered how she could even read the text. Yoonchae peered over her shoulder, looking to see who she was texting. Try as she might, she wouldn’t ever be able to remember the name, only focusing on the little red heart emoji next to it.
Megan, noticing Yoonchae looking, shoved the phone into her face.
“Thoughts?”
?????????♥️
Ha ha, I love bad jokes.
I think they’re pretty cute ;)
megan :P
oh yeah?
i got dad jokes in heaps
just you wait
?????????♥️
Waiting haha XD
Yoonchae rolled her eyes and pushed the phone out of her face back to Megan.
“Gross.”
“Yoonchae, just help me! Like literally any joke you can think of pleeeeeeeeeeeease.”
“Megan I-”
Intending to blow her off, Yoonchae paused as she made eye contact with Megan. Her brown eyes were somehow even bigger than normal, reminding Yoonchae of her cat Oreo back in Korea.
“.... How does a tree get on the internet?”
“How?”
“It logs on.”
“God you’re terrible. Perfect, thank you Yoonchae. You’re the best. What was it you wanted to ask before?”
“... Forget it, it wasn’t important.”
It was now 3:20 and Yoonchae's face was deep in her pillow. Maybe, she thought, if she suffocated it would be easier than dealing with these emotions. She was, as people online say, being put into the blender. The blender of homosexuality and Megan Skiendiel.
No, that can’t be right.
The blender of homosexuality, Megan Skiendiel, and abnormal amounts of self-hatred.
Yes. That seemed more accurate.
3:21
Yoonchae’s eyes were burning. All she wished for was for the peace of sleep to grace her and whisk her away.
Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like that would happen anytime soon.
Yoonchae’s eyes were burning.
Megan and her had just gone on a late night snack run to celebrate surviving yet another evaluation. Now they were back, eating their instant ramen, Megan talking her ear off about everything and nothing all at once. Her friends back home in Hawaii, excitement about the next missions, everything of importance and nothing really being said.
She was speaking really quickly, so Yoonchae could only understand around half of what she was saying, but it didn’t matter. She was just content to hear the sound of Megan’s voice. Yoonchae thought Megan’s voice was very nice, finding the way she would stumble over her words endearing. If there was one sound Yoonchae could listen to for hours on end, it would be Megan talking.
As Megan continued on and on about every random thought that crossed her mind, Yoonchae felt her eyes droop more and more until she slumped over onto Megan, asleep. As she drifted off fully into unconsciousness, she felt something brush against her forehead.
“G’night Chae, sleep well.”
4:30
Still awake. Still gay. Still emotionally constipated.
Wonderful.
If Megan was here, Yoonchae wondered what she would say. She could hear her voice so clearly in her head, a soft sleepy murmur in her ear.
“Yoonchae, why are you still awake? It’s too late.”
I don't know Megan, why am I still up? You tell me.
Whatever. It’s not like she cared or anything.
“You sure you don't care? It kinda looks like you care.”
Shut up Megan. This is all your fault anyways. Get out of my head and let me be.
4:35
Yoonchae was probably going insane. She just spent the past five minutes arguing with imaginary Megan in her head, probably a sign of insanity, if she does say so herself. Or maybe she just really missed Megan. Whatever. Either way she would rather be doing anything else than lying in her misery trying in vain to get some sleep.
Whatever. At this rate she probably wasn’t going to fall asleep anyways. She swung her legs over the side of her bed and hopped off. Yoonchae walked out of her bedroom and to the front door, grabbing a jacket and slipping out.
Where am I even going, she thought as she clicked the call button for the elevator, does it even matter? Anything’s better than stewing in bed forever.
God she felt.... honestly? Really really terrible. All she wanted was to crawl back into bed but that was impossible because of a certain girl whose name starts with M and ends with egan Skiendiel.
Ding
She stepped into the elevator as it opened and took in her appearance in the mirror.
Wow.
What a mess.
Her hair was dishevelled, her eyes red and puffy, and her outfit was an amalgamation of the random clothes she uses for pajamas and her leather jacket. Yeah, no, she looked like an absolute wreck. It’s funny, online she sees netizens so often praising her visuals, but now? Jeung Yoonchae was an absolute mess.
She spent the next hour just walking aimlessly around the city like a ghost. Because of the time, there weren’t too many people, which was probably a good thing. She doubted “KATSEYE member Jeung Yoonchae found roaming the city looking half-dead” would be an optimal headline.
Bzz
A small buzz from her phone paused her thoughts, plopping herself on a nearby bench to open it. It was a text from Megan.
megan :P
[1 video attachment]
this cld be us but u playin
It was an Instagram reel of a puppy and a kitten snuggling under the sun. Yoonchae smiled, ignoring the pang in her chest.
yoonchae :D
What’s stopping us?
megan :P
?
chip y r u awake
its tew late
Ironic. Almost exactly what imaginary Megan said earlier.
yoonchae :D
Couldn’t sleep.
Why are you still up?
megan :P
loud ass neighbor blasted music and couldnt fall back asleep
yoonchae :D
Rip.
megan :P
wtv tho ion een cur
wanna talk abt wtv it is keeping you up?
Yoonchae paused, fingers hovering over the screen. She was debating what to tell Megan before deciding fuck it, nothing but the truth. Semi-truth at least. Maybe it would help to get some of this weight off of her chest.
yoonchae :D
Yearning.
Unfortunate, really.
I’d rather sleep.
megan :P
awhhh chip in luv
do i know him?
or her
or them
i dont judge type shit
yoonchae :D
I’d rather not say.
megan :P
booooo ur no fun
yoonchae :D
Okay. Goodbye Megan.
megan :P
nono come back im sorry
ill leave it
who ever they r must be rly special to keep chip up like this hehe
yoonchae :D
Yeah.
You could say that.
megan :P
oh haha that reminds me
i used to have like
the biggest crush on u
did i ever tell u
from like dream academy to gnarly era lmao
yoonchae :D
No.
This is news to me.
I have to go.
Good night Megan.
megan :P
shit sorry did i make it awkward
yoonchae :D
No it’s not you.
Something came up.
megan :P
okay
goodnight yoonchae
sleep well
Yoonchae felt like screaming. She was so so so close to throwing her phone into the nearest garbage can.
What the fuck.
What the fuck.
What the FUCK?
She deflated further into the bench, looking up at the sun-kissed sky in defeat.
“I’m such a fucking idiot.”