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Elle had decided she needed to talk to someone about this. This being her big, fat crush on Liz, her best friend in Seattle, who she could never make a move on.
So, she decided -obviously- that she was going to tell Maddison. She was her oldest friend and would never judge her for anything like this. And it had the added benefit that there was a zero percent chance, that Liz or anyone in Seattle would find out.
The phone rang for only a few seconds before Maddie picked up.
“Hey, how is my favourite Seattle girl doing?”
“I’m fine, and you? Are there any news about Josh’s mustache yet?”
“Not yet, but I’ll keep you posted.”, her tone switched from light, to a bit more serious, “What is really going on though?”
Elle had forgotten how well Maddie knew her, even on the phone, she could immediately tell something was up.
“My love life has gotten out of control, it’s even worse than before!”, Elle complained.
“How is that even possible?? It was already a complete romantic comedy plot when I came to visit”
Elle laughed at that.
“But seriously, spill.” Maddison commanded.
“I think I’ve got a crush” Elle admits. She knew she was being cagey, but somehow, she couldn’t find the words to tell Maddie about this.
“Ooh, what boy in Seattle has turned your head now?”
“That’s the thing, it’s no- “
“Oh my God, he’s not from Seattle? How did you even meet him?” Maddie interrupted her, she was already jumping to conclusions.
“No Maddie, it’s not that, I don’t have a crush on a boy, I like a girl”, there, it was finally out.
It was silent on the line for a second and Elle was afraid of Maddie’s reaction, even if she was completely sure that Maddie wouldn’t mind her liking girls.
“That’s crazy! Wait, no, that sounds like it’s a bad thing, I’m so happy you told me! I’m just surprised.”
“Thanks Maddie”, Elle was relieved that she had finally told her. In hindsight, it probably would have helped her a great deal, if she had just told Maddie from the beginning.
“So… who is it?”
“Do you remember when you came here, the girl that- “
“Are you talking about -what’s her name- the girl from the record store?”
“How’d you know? Yeah, I was talking about her. Liz, by the way”, how did she know? Elle couldn’t comprehend the psychic abilities of her best friend.
“Ah yes, now I remember. And Elle, come on, it was so obvious, she seemed so… hostile towards me.”
“Huh, what does that have to do with anything?” Now, Elle was definitely confused.
“At first I thought she didn’t like me because I was from LA, but she likes you, and you’re from LA, so looking back, I think she was jealous, you know, because you and I are so close.” Maddie finished her evaluation.
“Why would she be jealous, I’m the one that likes her, not the other way around?” at least Elle thought so, she didn’t want to give herself hope, just so it could destroy her later.
“Oh Elle, I don’t wanna get into things I don’t really know about”, it seemed like she wasn’t done talking about this, but she would allow Elle a brief reprieve from her psychological analysis. “But tell me about her, she’s your first girl crush, she’s gotta be special.”
“Yeah, she is.” Elle looked at her ceiling dreamily, thinking about Liz. “She’s just so cool and so passionate, you should’ve seen her at the Winter Informal when she performed with her band. She was incredible.”
“Aw, you’re so whipped, it’s almost disgusting.”
“Maddieee!”
“What I’m just saying.”
“Anyway, she’s just so… perfect. Or rather imperfect, that’s what I like about her.”
“I think I get that, you know, you’ve always had an urge to be perfect all the time, maybe it helps seeing someone so comfortable in their imperfections”
Looks like Maddie was back to psychoanalysing her. She really needed to stop. She knew Elle way to well.
“You’re probably right, but it’s not just that. The way she looks at me, Maddie, you wouldn’t believe it, the eye contact is just always so intense and then she grins, ughh I can’t live like this anymore.”
Elle might have been overdramatizing a bit, but the sentiment was true. Her heart jumped every time Liz looked at her for longer than necessary. That couldn’t be good for her cardiovascular health!
“Elle, you’ve gotta admit that makes it sound like she’s into you too.”
“Maybe, under normal circumstances, but she’s done that since she met me. And she didn’t like me at the start, so it’s apparently just how she looks at people.”
“Well, I don’t know her, but from my standpoint, it seems like she might like you back. I can tell you, she didn’t look at me with intense eye contact when I was visiting.”
“I just don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t want to risk our friendship.”
“I know she’s important to you, but maybe consider it a possibility, she likes you too. I would hate for you to silently yearn after someone. And from what you’ve told me she’s gay, right? I know that doesn’t automatically mean she likes you, but it does increase your chances from zero to higher than that.”
“Thanks Maddie, I just needed to talk to someone about it. I don’t really know what I’m gonna do about it.” Elle said with a sigh. She was exhausted from pretending all the time.
“Don’t worry, you can always tell me everything”, Maddie emphasized, like Elle didn’t already know that.
“I love you Mads”, and Elle meant it -obviously- she really couldn’t wish for a better best friend.
“Me too, and now, I do have some new gossip to tell you about…”
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After she ended the call with Maddison, Elle thought about what she had said. About Liz liking her back.
When she thought about their interactions, without her usual lense of trying not to give herself hope, she could kind of see it. Liz staring at her across rooms, always looking down when Elle caught her gaze. Or how she would go out of her way, to make sure that Elle was comfortable. Or how she looked at her.
Elle could write poems about the way Liz looked at her. Really looked at her, like she could see right into her soul. And like she liked what she saw there. Elle had always tried to rationalise it, by convincing herself that Liz looked at everyone this way. But like Maddie had said, Elle couldn’t remember an instance where Liz’s gaze had lingered on anyone else, the way it did on her.
She might be getting ahead of herself. But that did kind of look like evidence of a crush. If any boy treated her the way Liz did, she would have assumed he liked her ages ago.
She couldn’t run into this headfirst though. She needed a plan. Elle could function if she had a plan. So, she just needed one for this.
But years of boy drama and romantic movies had prepared her for this exact (well, maybe not exact) situation.
She had an idea. She would invite Liz to a sleepover, the rest of the plan already forming in her head.