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You asked him to kiss you.
He agreed with startling enthusiasm, and you both sat facing each other on his bed, knees touching, the strange hair on his legs tickling your skin. In the warm light of his lamp, he's the most beautiful thing you've seen and it steals your breath away. It's too good to be true that he's yours, that he wants this, wants you.
Your nails are digging deep into your thighs and you worry your bottom lip between your teeth. You can hardly sit still because you've built this moment up so much in your mind that you're worried something is going to go wrong. That you'll wake up and this will be a dream, or you'll suck so bad at kissing that he'll decide to break up with you, or that-
You start when he gently pries your hands away from your legs, uncurling your fingers, and holding your hands in his palms. You look down at your joined hands, his are just larger than yours, so that your fingers don't quite cover his whole hand. Both your hands are calloused, and warm, but yours are shaking slightly despite his support. To make matters worse you realise with chagrin that his fingers are long and thin- piano fingers, you've heard them called- while yours are stubby, little grey things that look ugly against his and it sucks that even his fingers are perfect while you're just... you.
He squeezes at your left hand drawing your attention back to him, while he lifts the right to his lips and presses the softest kisses against your knuckles. You can feel your cheeks heating up alarmingly fast. You look away and you kind of want to pull away, because you don't deserve this, but then he switches hands and kisses at the rest of your knuckles and when he's done with them he trails his hands up to your shoulders, squeezing reassuringly before reaching out to touch your face.
His fingers are soft against the skin of your cheeks, soft pads tracing your features slowly, trailing down to skim the soft line of your jaw, applying just enough pressure to convince you to turn your head, then hesitantly up to feel the shape of your lips. You shudder and your breath flutters against him. Your eyes aren't watering, they're just... moist.
His eyes are curious and intent as he takes in your face. Carefully he thumbs at your lips, silently asking you to part them, and you do. He doesn't touch your teeth, razor sharp as they are, but lingers in a curious manner. Next he cups your jaw and tilts your head up, face moving closer, examining, his eyes narrowing in thought. Your heart is beating furiously you can almost feel yourself shaking along with it- wait, you are.
Then he's exploring again. Carefully petting at the soft skin of your eyelids, your lashes kissing his fingers, dark in contrast to his pale, delicate human skin.
Something feels like it's lodged in your throat. Sometimes you hate yourself, okay, so you hate yourself a lot, but the way he's looking at you and touching you, so tenderly, his gaze is reverent like... like he's never seen anything more perfect in his life, and it hurts so wonderfully.
He strokes a line down from your brow to the tip of your nose, pressing at it, his lips twitch and his eyes sparkle. You can almost hear his silent “Boop”.
And finally he's stroking his fingers along your neck- your pulse is throbbing against his fingers, and you know he can feel it- to curl around the back of your head, piano fingers twining in your hair. He puts one finger under your chin and leans closer, his breath smells almost strangely sweet, and presses his lips against every part of you that he's explored.
His lips are slightly chapped, but soft, and he presses chaste kisses against every inch of your face. He pulls back to lick at his lips, and you follow the movement with your eyes. He takes a quick, shaky breath then his lips are against yours.
Your eyes drift shut and you grab at his shoulder for support, it's all so sweet and gentle you swear you're going to die and you can't stop shaking.
Neither of you have much experience at this, it'd be awkward, the way you both try to move against each other, trying for a different angle and bumping noses, it should be embarrassing and awkward, but it's not. Because though it's not perfect, and you both kind of suck at this, nothing has ever felt better than his lips against yours. And when he pulls back his eyes are so fucking beautiful and blue, laughter and joy shining in their depths, your heart feels like it's going to burst, it is almost too much.
But then he presses a kiss to the tip of your nose and he's so ridiculous, he's so perfect, and he's so into you that you burst into giggles, you scrunch your face and clap a hand over your mouth but you can't quell your laughter.
And then he's laughing too, snorting, which sets you off even more and you both laugh till tears spill from your eyes, clutching at your stomachs, gasping for air and whining about how much it hurts, not even sure why you're laughing so hard, except you're so fucking happy.