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“I fucking told her not to say shit about my mom, of course I was gonna beat her ass!”
Nobara’s gotten herself into trouble again — of course. She’s considerably less irritable than she was in high school, but she’s still a Kugisaki, and she does not take shit from anyone.
Megumi is no exception.
“Have you considered just ignoring people when they try to antagonize you?” He asks.
Nobara immediately turns on him, “Have you considered growing some balls? I will never let someone walk me like a dog.”
Despite their intense bickering, Megumi and Nobara are good friends — so much so that Megumi comes back from grabbing a beer to cool off with a snack for her.
“You’ve had a lot to drink,” he says. Nobara kicks the back of his knee as he walks away. Megumi flips her off. But he sits on the couch and drinks his beer, and she pops open the bag of chips and starts to eat them anyway. A truce, for now.
Yuuji is amused by the two of them; there’s never a dull moment. They’re his best friends in the world, and they have been for years. The only change came about five months prior, when, after years of “yearning” and “dancing around each other” (Nobara’s words, backed by the agreement of their entire friend group), Yuuji and Megumi “finally” started dating.
Nothing’s changed, not really. Megumi isn’t keen on public displays of affection, and, really, he’s not that affectionate at all. But, as long as they’re alone, Megumi lets Yuuji cling to him. Yuuji might, maybe, be a little hurt that Megumi never initiates, but that’s just who Megumi is. He doesn’t think to reach out or check in; he trusts his loved ones to seek him out when he’s needed.
But it makes Yuuji worry. What about when Megumi needs something? He never asks for help. And Yuuji is 100% sure Megumi isn’t hiding someone away who comforts him when he needs it; he doesn’t even go to his dad for that. He just suffers in silence.
Yuuji expected that to change, when they finally started dating. He remains waiting in limbo for the shift. But Megumi is still Megumi, who fell terribly ill and didn’t even tell Yuuji until he dropped by the apartment after class. He ran into his dad’s ex and didn’t say anything for a week. His professor bullied him in front of their whole class, and he didn’t tell Yuuji at all — Maki did.
Yuuji knows that that’s just who Megumi is, but it still hurts, to some degree. Is Yuuji not trustworthy? Is their relationship not as serious as Yuuji thinks it is? Is it going to be like this forever?
Yuuji knows he needs to man up and talk to Megumi about this before it becomes a real problem. But, for now, he’s content to sit on the couch with his legs spread a little too wide because it’s the only way to make a little bit of physical contact without Megumi recoiling and whispering to him about the public setting.
The public setting of Nobara’s apartment, holding no one but their very close friends who’ve known them for years. But, it’s just who Megumi is.
Megumi pops open a beer and sips it slowly. He fidgets with a loose string on his jeans. Yuuji wishes Megumi would reach for him instead, fidget with his fingers or the sleeve of his jacket. But, he reminds himself again and again and again, that’s not who Megumi is. That’s the exact type of stuff that makes Megumi uncomfortable.
Calm down, Yuuji thinks as he watches Megumi’s fingers scratch his jeans and squeeze his beer. It’s just who Megumi is, and I love Megumi for who he is.
For 45 partially torturous minutes, Yuuji sits there with his knee pressed against Megumi’s. Only once does Megumi shift away, and it’s to grab himself another beer. This time, he comes back with a soda for Yuuji.
“I have one,” Yuuji says, pointing to the open can on the coffee table in front of him. Megumi pushes the old soda to the other side of the table.
“It’s been there for an hour,” he says. He plops down on the couch, pops open his second beer, and tips it briefly toward the cold soda in Yuuji’s hand. “Cheers.”
Their cans touch, and their fingers brush together. The yearning never stopped, on Yuuji’s part. He craves the feeling of Megumi’s skin against his. He wants to hold Megumi’s hand. He wants Megumi to lean against him the same way Toge is leaning against Yuuta. It’s so casual, just two people who love each other and want to keep each other close.
Yuuji shifts an inch or two to the left, closer to Megumi. Megumi crossed his legs, and his touch is gone.
For another prolonged stretch of time, Yuuji’s able to tune out all of the yearning noise in the back of his head. He drinks his soda at the same pace Megumi drinks his second beer. He glances, every once in a while, down at Megumi’s fidgeting fingers, but he’s able to push all of his desires away in favor of actually enjoying his time with his friends. Maybe, occasionally, he does lean over or into Megumi in the spirit of being expressive and laughing along to the group’s conversation. It’s just a moment, a fleeting touch, but it feeds a tiny bit of Yuuji’s deep-rooted need to get close, to love openly, to be Megumi’s.
Megumi finishes his second beer, goes for a third, and disappears for 15 minutes.
“Where the fuck did he go?” Nobara asks when she finally notices that Megumi’s been gone for a long time. They’re thinking about watching a movie, now that they’re all caught up on the past two weeks of each other’s lives.
Yuuji’s already texted him twice.
Hi baby, are you okay?
Hi baby, did you drink too much?
“I’ll go find him,” Yuuji says. It’s not worth sending another text, since Megumi hasn’t even read the previous two.
The moment he stands up, though, Megumi walks back into the room.
“Finally,” Nobara says. “We’re gonna watch a movie. Do you—?”
She freezes, as does the rest of the room — because Megumi makes a beeline for Yuuji, and he doesn’t casually sit down or drop a snack into anyone’s lap. He flings himself into Yuuji’s arms, so hard that the two of them topple back onto the couch, and he starts giggling.
Megumi doesn’t giggle, and he doesn’t fling himself into people like a lovesick teenager, and he doesn’t pepper kisses all over Yuuji’s face.
“I missed you,” he says, loud enough for everyone to hear, and he kisses the middle of Yuuji’s chest without once tearing his gaze away from Yuuji’s face.
“What the fuck?” Nobara asks. Yuuji agrees. He feels batshit crazy — did he stand up and fall into another dimension? Did he slam a bunch of beers without remembering? Is he fucked up right now?
Then Megumi kisses his mouth and says, “I love you so much,” in a sing-song voice, and Yuuji thinks, actually, Megumi is the one who’s fucked up right now.
“I love you, too,” Yuuji says with a little hesitance. He sits the two of them up so he can see Megumi properly. He carefully studies his eyes, which are filled with so much adoration it makes Yuuji’s heart flutter. This is everything he’s been craving for two hours, five months, and 14 years. But it’s not Megumi.
The room is still frozen, with all eyes on Megumi and Yuuji. Nobara is chuckling quietly, and Yuuji glances back to see she has her phone out — because of course she does.
He ignores her, for now, and asks Megumi quietly, “Are you okay?”
Megumi nods. He tightens his grip on Yuuji’s arms — both of his arms wrapped around it, holding it to his chest. Megumi’s legs are tucked up near his stomach, but they’re bent in Yuuji’s direction, about to fall right into his lap.
“I love you,” Megumi says. He leans forward to kiss Yuuji’s mouth again, briefly.
“I love you, too,” Yuuji says. He places his palm down on Megumi’s leg and turns his attention to the rest of the group. Only Maki and Nobara are laughing, leaning into each other to try to hide it. Nobara is still filming. At least Toge and Yuuta look genuinely concerned and perplexed.
“Did someone give him something?” Yuuji asks. Megumi has no qualms about being talked about; he closes his eyes and leans against Yuuji’s shoulder, still smiling. His legs drop completely into Yuuji’s lap. It’s sweet, and it’s what Yuuji wants, but it’s not Megumi.
“Not it,” Yuuta says, and Toge also holds his hands up in surrender.
“He wouldn’t take anything from me anyway,” Nobara says, rolling her eyes at the mere thought of Megumi trusting her with substances at a party. She drops her phone into her lap. “Is he fucking high?”
“He might be,” Yuuji says, though he’s not sure how that’s possible. He looks at Megumi, who opens his eyes as Yuuji shifts.
He grins, “Hi.”
“Hi,” Yuuji parrots. “Did you take something?”
Megumi shakes his head. Yuuji studies him carefully. He looks so relaxed. He’s looking at Yuuji like Yuuji’s the only person in the world, like he’s forgotten that they’re in a room with four other people and he would immediately pull away if he remembered.
“Are you sure?”
Megumi nods. His wide eyes slide up, and his fingers reach into Yuuji’s hair.
“You’re like a peach,” he says, ruffling Yuuji’s hair.
“Yeah,” Maki mutters. “He’s high as a kite.”
Megumi gasps. His hands fly to Yuuji’s cheeks, squishing his face in his palms. “You look like Kirby!” He kisses Yuuji’s nose. “My pink star.”
“Okay,” Yuuji mutters. His face is probably about as pink as his hair, and he’s worried sick. Maki is snickering, Nobara is muttering, again, “What the fuck?” and something is terribly wrong with Megumi.
“Oh my God!” Suddenly, Nobara is sitting up, spine straight enough for her to pass as a student in a Catholic school. “I have THC beers in the fridge.”
Yuuji snatches Megumi’s empty beer cans off the table — and, sure as shit, they’re not alcoholic. They’re infused with THC.
Megumi is actually high.
“Oh no.”
“He’s high, isn’t he?” Nobara doesn’t need to wait for an answer; the look on Yuuji’s face is enough. “I’m so sorry! I completely forgot! This girl gave them to me because I helped her cheat on a stats exam.”
Yuuta asks, “You’re in stats?”
Toge asks, “Someone wanted you to help them cheat?”
A pillow flies across the room toward Toge’s face. Yuuji doesn’t watch the bickering match play out; he ducks his head down to look at Megumi. He’s gone quiet, and his face is neutral—until he looks at Yuuji. Then, he’s lifting his head, and he’s pursing his lips and silently asking for another kiss. Yuuji gives him one.
“Is he gonna be okay?” Yuuji asks. He turns his attention to Nobara and Maki, because he knows the two of them have been high before.
“Probably?” Maki says, which doesn’t make Yuuji feel good at all. “How many milligrams are they?”
“Um.” Yuuji picks up one of the cans again. “Twelve ounces.”
“Dumbass, milligrams. How much THC is in it?”
“Oh, ten.”
“Damn. I was really hoping you’d say five.” Maki sits up, too, and she pulls out her phone to look something up.
“He should be fine,” Nobara says with a hopeful tone. “What’s the daily limit? Like, twenty-five milligrams?”
“It’s thirty,” Toge says, to which Yuuta looks surprised, “That can’t possibly be true.”
“I just looked it up.”
“Thirty?” Yuuta repeats. “How is Snoop Dogg still alive?”
“It’s just a recommendation,” Maki says. “Just like you aren’t supposed to have more than two drinks a day.”
“Oh, we’re all cooked,” Yuuta says.
“Except for Itadori,” who is, once again, not that engaged in what the others are saying or doing. Megumi is muttering something unintelligible, and he’s trying to pull Yuuji’s hands into his lap.
“What’s wrong?” Yuuji asks, quietly, a side conversation that only belongs to the two of them.
As if Yuuji’s voice snaps him out of a trance, Megumi starts his cycle of smiling and clinging to Yuuji and kissing him all over again.
“I love you,” Megumi says.
“I love you, too,” and he earns another kiss, along his jaw, for it.
From the bed, Maki snorts.
“You might wanna make THC a part of his weekly routine,” she says. “Maybe he’ll show you some real affection every once in a while.”
It’s just a joke, but it leaves behind a bitter aftertaste. Yuuji tries not to let it sour his words, “He doesn’t need to. I know he loves me.”
“I do love you,” Megumi says. He kisses Yuuji’s neck, and he leaves his face there this time. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Yuuji repeats, and he thinks it’s about time for them to leave. Megumi would want to go through this in the privacy of their room—completely alone, if he had the option, but Yuuji’s not leaving him unattended, and he doesn’t think Megumi is going to let him go anytime soon.
The moment he starts to stand, Megumi clings to him harder.
“No,” he mutters, and he sounds so sad, it aches something in Yuuji for a moment. Nobara snickers.
“I’m not leaving,” Yuuji says. Megumi clearly doesn’t believe him because he hooks a leg over Yuuji’s and leans his head on Yuuji’s shoulder.
“No,” he mutters again.
Yuuji considers carrying him, but Megumi will throttle him if he finds out Yuuji picked him up in front of all their friends. His strategy, instead, is to carefully get to his feet, sliding Megumi’s leg off of his lap as he moves.
“Let’s go home,” Yuuji says, drowning out Megumi’s complaints.
“Home,” Megumi repeats. He’s willing to go wherever Yuuji goes, it seems, because he takes short steps to follow Yuuji’s careful ones, heading toward the door.
“You’ll be okay?” Yuuta asks. “Want one of us to come with you?”
The dorm building is only three blocks away from Nobara’s apartment complex, and Yuuji knows Megumi would want to get as far away from everyone as possible.
“I got him,” Yuuji says. “See you guys!”
“Bye!”
“Be safe!”
“Send me videos!”
ᕱ ♡ ᕱ
The walk to their dorm room is a bit of a challenge.
Megumi is shuffling along like a snail. He’s now holding Yuuji’s hand instead of his entire arm, but that’s only because he’s being extra expressive about his desire to, basically, own a farm.
“We should raise turtles. Like, 100 of them. Or bunnies! You would look so cute with a bunny. Gentle giant little bunny.”
Worry aside, Yuuji is very amused. These are the exact types of conversations he likes to have when he’s bored, or when he just wants to hear Megumi’s voice. He loves thinking about their future together.
“We could raise 100 turtles,” Yuuji says. “We would be great turtle dads.”
“Can we raise turtles and bunnies?”
“Sure. They can race each other, and we’ll see if the tortoise really would win against the hare.”
“The hare only lost because he was cocky. We’ll raise really nice bunnies. And ferrets! We should raise ferrets, too. Maybe porcupines. Or hedgehogs.”
While Megumi builds up their forest of creatures, Yuuji thinks about how he’s going to get Megumi into their dorm building. The lobby is often filled with people, and Megumi’s going to freak out in the morning knowing their friends saw him in this state. He would hate to be perceived by strangers or casual acquaintances like this.
Yuuji gets the idea when they cross the official threshold into campus, walking along the path that will take them right to their dorm building. His hoodie is in his hand, since Megumi wouldn’t let him go for long enough to put it on, but he’s grateful, now, that it’s handy.
“Megumi,” Yuuji says, and Megumi stops talking to stare at him. He stops walking, too, which is to Yuuji’s benefit.
“Put my hoodie on,” Yuuji says, unsure how cooperative Megumi will actually be.
Very, apparently, because he drops Yuuji’s hand and holds out his arms. Yuuji puts the hoodie on Megumi and carefully pulls the hood over his head. He even tugs on the strings to tighten the hood, hiding a little more of Megumi’s face.
“I can’t kiss you like this,” Megumi complains. He tries. Yuuji gets a mouthful of fabric.
“You can take it off in a minute,” he promises. He holds out his arms. “Come here.”
Megumi doesn’t complain when Yuuji picks him up. Like this, he can speedwalk through the lobby and up the flight of stairs to their room, and no one will see or hear Megumi. It’s ridiculous and it’s overly cautious, but Yuuji knows Megumi, and this isn’t him. He’s going to be mortified about this, and he’s never going to trust anything in Nobara’s fridge again.
Megumi continues to ramble on about forest animals they could keep in their future backyard, and they get bigger as the seconds tick by. He’s all the way to grizzly bears by the time Yuuji puts him down, right in front of their room.
“Home!” Megumi says. He tries to walk inside, but Yuuji hasn’t unlocked the door yet, so he runs face-first into it instead. This immediately results in him losing his balancing and falling to the floor at Yuuji’s feet.
“Megumi.” Yuuji tries not to laugh immediately, but it’s impossible. Megumi doesn’t even try to get himself up, choosing to stay starfished on the hallway floor.
“Ouch,” Megumi mutters.
“Are you okay?” Yuuji is worried, but he can’t stop laughing. This is ridiculous. He’s never seen Megumi so uncoordinated.
“Why is the door there?”
“The door is always there.”
“It’s never attacked me before.”
“It didn’t attack you—” Yuuji stops himself before he starts laughing so hard he can’t get the door open. Megumi stays where is he while Yuuji gets their dorm room open, and he refuses to move on his own when Yuuji calls for him.
“I’m sinking into the floor,” Megumi says. “I’m going to become one with the campus.”
“Megumi.”
“Remember me.”
“Baby.” To the best of his ability, Yuuji drags Megumi into a sitting position, and then up onto his feet and over his shoulder. He doesn’t know how he manages to keep the door propped open in the process; the universe must be on his side.
“You’re so strong,” Megumi says. He taps on Yuuji’s back, and he giggles. “You’re my boyfriend.”
“Yes, I am,” Yuuji confirms. He puts Megumi down on his bed; he knows Megumi doesn’t like outside clothes on his own sheets. He tries to find some sweatpants to change Megumi into, but Megumi latches onto his hand again.
“I’m not going far,” Yuuji promises. He kisses Megumi to placate him. “I just want to get you some clothes.”
“I’m wearing clothes.”
“Clothes to sleep in.”
“I can sleep in these clothes. Look.” Megumi closes his eyes and pretends to start snoring. He grips Yuuji’s wrist and pulls him closer simultaneously — and Yuuji gives up. It’s an early Friday night, but he resigns himself to bed, with Megumi’s heartbeat beneath his ear.
That lasts for all of two minutes.
“I’m hungry,” Megumi says—but he also won’t let go of Yuuji long enough to see what leftovers they have in their mini fridge.
“I can’t feed you unless you let go of my arm,” Yuuji says gently. He looks over his shoulder, and Megumi kisses him, giggles into his mouth.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too. Do you want to eat your leftover meatballs or ramen?”
“Yes.”
Yuuji looks over his shoulder. Megumi’s kiss lands on his nose.
“Yes?”
“Yes. Meatballs,” Megumi points. “In ramen.”
“You’re not going to like that.”
One pout and three minutes later, Megumi is eating a heated bowl of store-bought ramen with the rest of his meatballs in Yuuji’s bed.
“This is so good,” Megumi says.
“I’m glad you think so.” Yuuji runs his palm up and down the length of Megumi’s thigh, occupying himself.
“You’re such a good cook.”
There wasn’t much cooking involved, but Yuuji doesn’t correct him. “Thank you.”
“I’m gonna marry you,” Megumi says, leaning his head against Yuuji’s shoulder. Yuuji’s heart sputters out of control. He can’t pretend the thought hasn’t crossed his mind. He thought about a future where he and Megumi are married before they were even officially partners.
“I’ll say yes,” Yuuji says, even though it feels strange to talk about this right now, when Megumi isn’t acting like himself. Is it unlike Megumi, to want to marry Yuuji? It’s unlike him to be clingy and giggly and eat meatballs in his ramen, so maybe . . . maybe.
“Can you play one of your games for me?” Megumi asks.
Yuuji welcomes the distraction, and he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He picks one of the few non-puzzle games he has downloaded; it’s a silly simulator where he runs around and lives out a day as a goose. It has bright visuals and funny moments, which he figures will keep Megumi entertained while he finishes his meal and, hopefully, grows tired enough to sleep off this high.
It does; he laughs at the way the background characters bicker at the goose, and he backseat games, too.
“Wait, go through the trash, what if there’s yummy food in there?”
“Can you steal that kid’s airplane?”
“Eat that flower.”
Megumi is particularly entertained every time Yuuji knocks something over in the game — a trash can, a decorative tree, a garden gnome. Every opportunity he gets, he knocks something over so he can hear that laugh, calm and breathy, in his ear, sometimes muffled by half a meatball or a clump of noodles.
Eventually, Megumi goes quiet, and his breath evens out. Yuuji carefully takes his empty ramen bowl away and slides it onto the desk. He can just barely reach one of his shoes on the ground without waking Megumi up, and he reels back to throw it at the light switch. It works — the light flicks off, and Yuuji pats himself on the back for a moment. Playing baseball in his youth paid off.
Yuuji doesn’t fall asleep right away, which gives him a little bit time to think — about how he’s going to explain everything to Megumi in the morning, about how nice it was to be on the receiving end of Megumi’s persistent affection, about whether or not Megumi really meant it when he said he wanted to marry Yuuji.
And then morning comes.
“Ow,” is the first thing Yuuji hears. He feels a weight come off of his chest, and he’s suddenly much colder, affected by the lack of Megumi in his arms. He peels his groggy eyes open to see two things: it’s dark as hell, and Megumi is sitting up in bed.
“Megumi,” he says. His fingers wrap around Megumi’s bicep, but Megumi shrugs him off.
Ah, Yuuji thinks. He must feel like himself again.
“Where are we?” Megumi whispers.
“At home.”
“How did we get here?”
“We walked?”
Megumi pauses. Yuuji can’t see the look on his face, but he’s sure that Megumi is glaring at him.
“Why don’t I remember anything?” Megumi asks.
“Anything?” Yuuji was really hoping he wouldn’t have to explain the entire night.
“Why are you saying it like that? Did I do something?”
“Well, you might’ve drank two THC beers?”
For a long time, maybe a full minute, Megumi doesn’t say a word. Yuuji waits, because he thinks it’s better to let Megumi process the baseline information before he says anything else.
“I got high last night?”
“You did.”
“At Kugisaki’s apartment?”
“Mhm.”
“In front of all of our friends?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh my fucking God.” Megumi tilts forward, and he face-plants on Yuuji’s bed. Yuuji leaves him be for a moment, but he does pet his back when Megumi lets out a long, low groan.
“I’m going to kill myself.”
“It wasn’t that bad. You were really sweet,” Yuuji says.
“Sweet?”
“Yeah. You acted kind of opposite of how you normally act. You were clinging to me, telling me you loved me. You kissed me a lot, too.”
Megumi lifts his head, and he looks at Yuuji. By this point, Yuuji’s eyes have adjusted to the dark, and he can see that Megumi looks bewildered.
“I did?”
“You did. It was nice,” Yuuji admits.
“You liked me like that?” Megumi asks.
“I mean—” Yuuji knows he has to tread carefully. This is a terrible time to have this conversation; he should have brought this up months ago, when he first noticed, when it first started bothering him.
But Megumi is looking at him like he’s hurt, and he’s asking, “Am I . . . do I not make you feel—?”
“It’s nothing like that,” Yuuji promises. “I love you just how you are.”
“But you liked me . . . clingy? And kissy?” Megumi cringes as he says the words. “Was I like that in front of the others?”
Yuuji hesitates. “Do you hate it that much?”
“No, I — ugh,” Megumi sits up, and he slides out of bed with a mutter, “Hold on.”
He flicks on the light. He’s still wearing Yuuji’s hoodie, and he looks disheveled. It’s very obvious he hasn’t gotten the sleep he needs. But when he slides back into bed with Yuuji, he doesn’t lay down. He sits right in front of him, legs criss-crossed, and starts.
“What did you like about last night?”
“Um.” Yuuji can’t help but feel like whatever he says is going to be the wrong answer. But he won’t get very far with his relationship if he doesn’t tell the truth, will he?
“It’s not that I want you to be clingy, or anything. I just like that you were initiating some physical contact. It made me feel like you seek me out sometimes, too. Like I’m worth seeking out, and like I can be someone you want to stand beside.”
Yuuji worries his teeth into his bottom lip. Megumi is listening very carefully, his eyebrows dipped together in concentration. His face softens when Yuuji’s done.
“You want me to reach for you more?”
“If you want to,” Yuuji says, with very little conviction.
“Yuuji.” Megumi leans forward, and he holds both of his palms up. Yuuji reaches forward, retracts half an inch, then lays his palms in Megumi’s.
Megumi holds his hands gently, his thumbs rubbing over his palms.
“I’m asking because it’s not natural for me. I don’t touch people a lot. I don’t think to,” Megumi says. “But if you want something from me that will make you feel more like my partner, I can work on it.”
Yuuji feels stupid. Was it always going to be this easy? He just had to ask?
“I want you to reach for me sometimes,” Yuuji says, squeezing Megumi’s hands. “Sometimes. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“You’re not someone who makes me uncomfortable, Yuuji,” Megumi says. He shifts forward, and he makes room for himself in Yuuji’s lap. He doesn’t cling, the way he did the night before, but he does drape his arm over Yuuji’s shoulders. He slides his fingers into Yuuji’s hair, and he offers Yuuji a little smile as they look at each other.
Yuuji feels like he’s in Heaven, and he never wants to let go.
“Now,” Megumi says, with a sigh. “Tell me all the ways I embarrassed myself last night, please.”