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A little after sunrise and just before sunset.
He was looking at the moon when the memory struck him. The first time he slept at Ryland's tiny apartment. His lover had woke him up early to have coffee together, and Tom proposed to sit close the window so they could see it.
The golden hour.
When the lighting was soft, warm, and the sun shined just right. Like their relationship, the perfect encounter of happiness and domestic comfort with a hint of passionate love.
Several times lately, Tom had tried to reason with himself that all Ryland needed was time to remember. That was what the doctors said. But then again, the doctors hadn't been informed about the memory loss drug that Stratt had injected in his lover.
So maybe it was time for a new strategy. That was why he was leaning on the rail of the balcony at six am. after not getting any sleep a night before. Well, that, and the fact that Ryland had locked the door of their bedroom and Tom wasn't used to sleep on the couch.
A groan of pain cut his thoughts short.
The sound came from the living room, but everything was dark. A kind of darkness that only happened so early in the morning because one shouldn't be awake at that hour. But Tom was. And Ryland was too, apparently.
His lover was standing up from the floor. Something that wasn't weird from Ryland, he was clumsy, Tom knew that. What he didn't know was what business he had coming down stairs with a suitcase so heavy that made him trip over his own feet. That was weird.
"Where' you going?" Tom asked, ignoring the guilty flinch he got from Ryland, who was fumbling with the knob of the door.
"Huh? I-i... thought you were asleep" Ryland stuttered, clearly avoiding his question. "The door doesn't open" He pointed his finger to the knob, making a show of turning it back and forth.
Tom put his hand on his hip with a chuckle. "Yes, it doesn't. Because it's six am, so it's locked" He pointed to the control panel.
"Well, I need to get out" Ryland stated.
"With a suitcase, at six am, when I'm supposed to be asleep. Why?" He raised a brow. Being straightforward was the best way to get Ryland nervous. It worked even in bed, and it almost worked now. Almost.
"I-i... Y-you locked me!" Ryland deflected. Presumably just trying to escape the conversation.
Tom sighed, sitting on the couch. "I didn't lock you, sweetheart. You invented the password" He explained.
"But I don't remember it" Ryland huffed. Tom nodded, giving him a kind smile.
"If you tell me where you're going, I'll open it. Hell, I'll even drive you" He offered.
At that, Ryland gulped, looking everywhere but his eyes. He must have realized that Tom wasn't going to drop it because he took a sharp breath and spoke firmly. "I'm going back to the Petrova Task Force" He gave him a pleading expression. "I want to be brave, Thomas".
Tom was at lost for words. Not only the full name made his heart clench, but also knowing what Ryland wanted to do. That made his stomach churn. His boyfriend basically wanted to kill himself. To prove he was brave? That was insane.
"You are brave, my grace" Tom told him. "Just.. just give me one chance, yeah? One chance to prove you've always been brave" He stood up, walking over to Ryland and taking his hands lovingly.
The other seemed reluctant, even trying to take his hands back. But perhaps the love Ryland had for Tom was still buried deep inside the confines of his memory, because he relented.
"Ok" Ryland said quietly.
"Ok" Tom repeated louder.
The first ray of sunshine was entering through the large window of the apartment, indicating a new day. A new chance. The last chance.
It didn't matter if his lover forgot about them. Ryland had saved his life by seeing the good in Tom when no one else did. And it was his turn to do the same for him.
He just had to remember the golden hour.
—
Maybe the therm 'star' was fitting for Tom.
Ryland felt the light coming from the actor whenever they did something remotely romantic. Like holding hands. They were holding hands right now. And he could sense the apprehension in the other's hold. As if he knew this was his last chance.
That ultimatum hadn't been on purpose. Nor was it explicit. But it was there. They both knew it. And surprisingly. Ryland didn't want Tom to fail.
But, if he was being honest, he had no idea why coming to Grover Cleveland Middle School was going to convince him not to go to space. It would most likely do the opposite, if anything.
"Mr. Grace!" Abby squealed, jumping up and down, making her dress bounce in a funny way.
"You came!" Regina ran to hug him.
Tom squeezed his hand, never breaking them apart as he leaned close to his ear to whisper. "Graduation".
Each one of his kids were shaking in their seats when the ceremony started. They were dressed in tiny versions of a college graduation attire with smiles plastered on their faces. Ryland had been in a ton of these events before, having watched almost ten different generations and multiple classrooms finish middle school.
It never failed to make him emotional. He was a crier in that sense. To look at the kids he taught give one more step to the future made him happy. And he couldn't help but shed a few tears when his children got their certificates.
And then the kids started talking.
Abby thanked her grandparents, the horses on their farm, and him. "–for all fun facts he gave me about horses. Thank you, Mr. Grace!"
Parker thanked his moms, his karate instructor, and him. "–for always explaining twice. Thank you, Mr. Grace!"
One by one, every kid thanked their families, friends, the important people around them. And him.
"For staying with me the day my dad was late!"
"For lending me money for breakfast!"
"For helping me fix my grades!"
"For braiding my hair for photography day!"
"For hugging me when my dog died!"
"For teaching me science can be fun!"
"For being the hero who will save the sun!"
That was impossible. Because, isn't a hero supposed to be brave? To be selfless? To be willing to sacrifice? To be fearless? But then again, how could he doubt the worlds of all those children whose eyes shined with trust and admiration.
When the ceremony finished, the kids were gathered at a table with snacks and drinks, their parents taking pictures of them. Ryland was about to walk out to the car when Tom let go of his hand for the first time since they got to the school.
"I need to get something from the car. Go say goodbye" Tom nodded his head in their direction with a smile. Ryland returned it.
He walked closer, clearing his throat to get their attention like he did in the classroom.
"Hey, kiddos. Thanks for inviting me, but a fear I have to go now" He apologized.
A swarm of little arms wrapped around him. Most kids were either still thanking him or saying goodbye. Not goodbye, just until later. When they became adults. When Ryland could call them colleagues instead of students. When they looked back and remembered this short moment. When the sun stopped diming and shined just right.
There might never be an until later for them. Whether Ryland died in space to save them or they died on earth for Ryland to save himself. But right now, with those sparkling gazes and warm embraces on him. He could feel like not all of the stars of the universe were dimming.
"Goodbye, Mr. Grace" Trang said. A chorus of farewells following.
"Not so fast, little rascals" Tom returned from the car with a recycled bag. "Think fast!" He yelled as he started to throw them knitted beanbags of the planets.
Parker gasped. "The beanbag is lava!" He screamed, making the others play fervently with the miniature planets.
Ryland laughed at their antics. Fragments of other young faces filled his mind, remembering kids from all the generations who had him laughing the same way. When the laughter died down, he leaned with his hands on his knees and smiled to his kids, hoping to convey the pride in his chest.
"Never change, kiddies." He chuckled.
Regina stepped forward, standing right in front of him, her eyes shining. "You too, Mr. Grace. Never stop being brave" She whispered.
Ryland was surrounded by stars.
—
His sun was shining brightly.
Brighter than the rest of the stars in the universe, even Tau Ceti itself. It had been a long time since he saw Ryland smile and it was like entering a warm house after being outside in rain for the whole day.
Still... Tom might be pushing his luck.
"Tom! Stop! What are you doing?" Ryland shrieked. He was holding onto his security belt tightly.
"We're going to the moon, baby!" He stepped on the gas. The probability of getting a few traffic fines was increasing slowly.
"We're going to the grave if you keep driving like this!" Ryland chastised, eyeing Tom furiously but never taking his attention off the road.
That was the Ryland he liked. The man who always called him out on his shit. For some reason, no matter how many memories he recovered, his boyfriend didn't seem to go back to normal. So Tom was going to force normal into him. Shock therapy and the sorts.
First, it was the kids. Those small creatures were very effective for getting that smile in his lover's face again. Now, it was time for getting their relationship back once and for all.
He stopped the car abruptly, causing Ryland to whip back into his seat. His misbehaving earned him a glare. The other man collected himself and got out of the car, stomping his way inside the building and starting to walk up the stairs. Tom took the elevator. Although he had to wait for his boyfriend to get to the fourth floor, like usual.
When Ryland finally made it to their apartment door, he pulled out his key to open it, only to find it locked again since Tom turned on the alarm before leaving. His lover struggled with it for a while before turning to him.
"Could you please open it?" Ryland sighed and resigned as he put his keys back inside the pocket of the blazer he was wearing.
Tom smirked. "You know the password" He joshed smoothly, lowering his sunglasses and enjoying the pout his lover made.
"Knew the password" Ryland corrected.
"You're smart. You'll figure it out" He said. A new idea appeared on his mind shortly after. "Actually... I'll give you a clue" Tom relented, taking Ryland by his tie in a suggestive manner.
His lover's face turned a pretty shade of pink, the same way it did when they started dating, and Tom would make a move on him. Due to the lack of a better plan, he decided that the best course of action was repeating the same techniques from before they were partners. So science pick up lines and aimless flirting it was.
"What are you d-doing?" Ryland questioned flustered. Tom simply let his hand trail down from his tie to his blazer, pulling out his key and promptly dangling them in front of his face teasingly.
"Clue" He responded blandly. Shaking the keys again, but this time making emphasis in the fox keychain that was attached to them.
Realization hit Ryland. He groaned but didn't say anything else until after he typed the password in the panel and inserted the key, opening the door. "The scientific name of foxes. That's smart" He chuckled.
"I do have a pretty smart boyfriend if I say so myself" Tom complimented. "Now go doll up. We're having our first date all over again" He stated unceremoniously, ignoring the questions his boyfriend started to make in order to go change his clothes.
It was time for the sun to shine its brightest.
—
Just before sunset and a little after sunrise.
The light at the beach was a beautiful combination of warm colors that only came together at six pm. Surprisingly, this was not the planetarium like he was expecting. There were no artificial stars projected in the celling. There was just one star.
The sun.
The sun that Ryland never stopped wanting to save. The sun of the planet that he loved so dearly. The sun he wished to be brave for.
Well, there were two stars. The sun, and Tom.
Oh, Tom. Sweet, caring, dramatically romantic, Tom. Whose sole mission for today had been convince Ryland to stay. Making silly jokes about science and flirting with him as if he were a teenage girl with a crush. That man was beholding him with the same love one should have for the sun.
"It was nice. Everything you did from the start of the day. It was nice" He would have to admit that his words were not merely of sympathy. There was something else he couldn't name.
Tom laughed slightly. "It's the benefit of having a boyfriend. They tend to do nice things" He winked.
"But when you took my hand during all the graduation ceremony. It was nice" He confessed.
"Why, thanks. I try" Tom smiled. Ryland kept going. A half old, half new bunch of ideas invading his thoughts.
"And when you gave the kids the beanbags that you made. It was nice" He continued.
"Pff, I didn't make those, sweetheart. You did, some months ag–" Tom's words were muffled by Ryland hands in a lighthearted way to get him to shup up.
"When you cook breakfast for me. When you listen to my ramblings. When you don't ask for nothing in return. It's nice" He breathed softly, uncovering his boyfriend's mouth.
"I don't think I'm following. I'm nice, we established that. And what?" Tom questioned with genuine curiosity.
"You just can't see it. Can you?" Ryland sighed. Watching his lover shake his head. The smile in his face transformed from one of happiness into one of melancholic love.
Tom hummed dreamily. He made a square with his fingers and looked at Ryland's face through it. "I can't see anything I don't like about you" He quoted from 'Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'. Oh, they watched that movie. Yes, they did. He remembered that.
The fine line that divided the memories he had from the ones he had been told broke. The memories were yet to return, but the logic did. He didn't love Tom because they went through a lot of things together. He chose to live those things because he loved Tom. And if the other had a fraction of the love Ryland had for him, that meant...
"C-can I ask you one more question?" That was all he needed, one more question. One more chance.
"As many as you want. Shoot" Tom allowed.
"You don't mind that I'm a coward?" He asked without daring to look at his lover's eyes. But Tom wasn't having that. He put a finger under Ryland's chin to gently make their meet.
"If I'm honest. I've spent big part of this day thinking of a way to drill in your stubborn brain that you are brave" His boyfriend explained. "But then I realized that my only option was to try and show you how much I love you, so maybe, just maybe, you'd believe me when I say. That you, Ryland Grace, are no coward" Tom spoke confidently.
He wanted so hard to believe him. Because maybe being brave wasn't about playing the sacrifice part. There was bravery in small actions. And the tiniest details inspired people to be brave.
The children who trusted their teacher would save the planet, with no guarantee of it, were brave. When his brother had overcome his fear of being hurt to date Jody, he had been brave. Yáo's family and Ilyukhina's friends were brave when they stayed in a decaying world with only hope in them. Each decision Eva made about project Hail Mary had been brave. Even Tom, whose greatest act of bravery hadn't been taking a bullet for him, it was changing into someone better.
Ryland could be brave. He was brave. Every time he didn't give up on science after his failure at the academy. Every time he cared for a kid that wasn't his own. Every time he fought for what he believed was right. Every time he decided to help someone who was probably not worth it. And every time he was afraid to do something but still did it. He just had to be brave once more.
"Hey, honey? I think I made up my mind" Ryland said, standing on the sand. The cold water on his feet contrasted with the sunlight on his back as he positioned in front of Tom to take his hands and pull him up.
"Yes?" Tom asked quietly.
"Yes" Ryland responded louder.
He grabbed his face and kissed him under the warm colors of their new chance. The last ray of sun illuminating them.
This was the golden hour.