Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Series Breakdown/Summary 

• Bella Swan moves to Forks to live with her dad after Renee marries. Has basically no relationship with Charlie or anyone from La Push.
• Bella doesn't want to move to Forks and is real melodramatic about it
• Bella moves the day before school starts. (Who does that??)
• First day of school at lunch is given rundown of Cullen family.
• Meets MMC Edward Cullen in biology, he acts very strange, later she learns he almost ate her and murdered the whole class (WTF??).
• Edward disappears for a week-- had been in Alaska with a different coven. Comes back next week and apologizes for how he acted the previous Monday. He intrigues me Bella (not me. Book character Bella).
• She gets offended when he wont talk to her after that.
• She almost gets crushed by a van, and he saves her using freaky vampire strength and speed. Bends van??(!!)
• Bella's a dumbass and tries to confront him.
• Overhears him, his fake vampire dad, and fake vampire sister arguing.
• Later learns that the had a family vote to decide if they should kill her (aren't one of you a doctor. What happened to Do No Harm. Unrelated if Edward can read minds, he is literally a walking HIPPA violation)
• Edward tells her it was adrenaline and she's misremembering. Tries to say she hit her head? (She doesn't have migraines. What the fuck)
• Sometime later Bella goes to First beach with a group from school and flirts with Jacob (eww) to learn tribe legends she has no business being told. ((Wait this might have happened before the van crash?)) 
• Learns the Cullen's aren't welcome on the rez
• She Googles legends?
• Finds out about a book of Quileute legend in a shop in PA
• Almost gets assaulted and Edward rescues her. Learns he can reads minds ((WTF))
• Is way too chill about having almost been raped and then stalked by a vampire. 
• He starts driving her to school and sitting with her at lunch
• She abandons all her new human friends like yesterdays trash
• Edward tells her at school they shouldn't be friends
• Edward tells her he's done staying away (don't remember if these are in the same conversation
• Edward kidnaps Bella from school and takes her to meadow to see how scary and sparkly he is (lmao wtf)
• This is the skin of a killer disco ball, Bella.
  • (could be out of order?)
• Bella goes to meet Edwards fake vampire family
• Charlie's first dad interaction with Edward. Cleans shotgun in front of him 
• Esme feeds her Italian food (because her name is Isabella?)
• Edward plays her a song he composed for her
• They go to the meadow
• Maybe kiss for the first time (who the fuck is macking on a vampire that super wants to eat them a really whole lot?) 
• People get eaten
  • I swear to god if vampires eat Waylon I'm burning down the Cullen's house
  • Bella is not sympathetic enough about Charlie losing a friend
• Bella goes to watch vampires play baseball (how? shouldn't they move to fast?)
• Nomads appear
• Laurent pretends to be coven leader but actually its James
• James calls Bella a snack--Edward gets mad
• Everyone skedaddles
• Laurent warns the Cullens abt. James' hunting
  • Goes to join Denali Coven
  • Becomes mates with one of them?
• Bella says terrible things to Charlie so that he won't follow her and the trackers will leave him alone.
  • ((I'm not even the one who did this and I feel bad about it. Sorry dad!))
• Bella, Alice, Jasper go to Arizona (I don't remember the logic)
• Everyone else stays home to create false trail and try to catch James
• James convinces Bella he has Renee, Bella falls for it (this feels very checkable, just call her or Phil?)
• Bella somehow escapes one of the best tacticians from the Southern Vampire Wars and a psychic
• Goes to ballet studio
• James didn't have Renee, it was a home video
• James monologues while curb stomping Bella
  • Bites her
• The Cullens get there just in time to finish him off and save Bella
• Edward sucks the venom out ((!! wtf? is Carlisle stupid??!!))
• They take Bella to a hospital and say she fell down stairs and out a window
  • I've never heard an excuse that sounded more like 'I ran into a door knob' in my life
• Charlie and Renee show up
• Bella and fam and Cullens go home
• Bella and Edward go to prom even though Bella doesn't want to go to prom
  • Red Flag
• Jacob shows up at prom and gives Bella a warning from Unc  Billy in exchange for a car part

End of Book 1

I have so many questions... and thoughts. Half of this crap doesn't make sense. They're "vegetarian" vampires. Do they monitor animal populations to make sure they aren't throwing the ecosystem out of whack? Why do they go to high school over and over? I'd kill myself. I understand the empath one not wanting to eat humans since he'd feel their fear and terror, but wouldn't it be better if the others did the vigilante thing and just hunted rapists and criminals? It would save the animal population and make the world a better place. How has Carlisle been so chill about Edward being around Bella. He's seen the 'Singer' thing go poorly so many times. And why is no one concerned he's calling Bella 'heroin'?? That is like super mega red flag. Also the pacing of this story makes no sense? Like nothing happens in the first 3/4ths and then bam lots of action. Why does it feel like the author is obsessed with hot teens? Why are all of the human friends Bella could have made just ignored? I feel terrible for Book-Charlie.

New Moon

• Bella's 18th birthday
• Alice throws her a party that she doesn't even want
• Bella gets a papercut and almost dies because Jasper lunges at her
  • Probably feeling Edward's blood lust? on top of his own and everyone else's.
• Bella gets thrown into a stack of plates or a glass table? Something breakable and sharp
• Everyone but Carlisle runs away
• Carlisle cleans Bella's cuts
• Edward disappears for a bit/gets distant
• Takes Bella out into the woods
  • Bella who has been proven to be directionally and coordinationally challenged
  • Its like he's looking for an excuse to eat her
• Tells Bella she's worthless and he doesn't love her anymore and how she was just a distraction, but don't worry the human mind is notorious for forgetting first loves and relationships and this shouldn't hurt you at all, go be human little human.
• Edward leaves her, tells her the family is gone too "it'll be like we never existed"
  • EXCEPT FOR THE LITERAL VAMPIRE BITE ON HER WRIST THATS COLDER THAN HER OWN FLESH
• Bella tries to follow him, gets lost, gets hypothermia, almost dies.
• Is found by Sam Uley (werewolf)
• Bella gets sick from the rain
• Bella goes comatose from depression
• Bella forgets like four months of her life
• Bella has screaming night terrors
• Bella is incredibly depressed, and experiences physical pain at the mention of the Cullens/Edward
  • How is this normal?
  • Why has she not been institutionalized?
  • Was she addicted to Edward? 
    • Mentioned Vampires were made to draw humans in
    • everything about them, sound, sight, smell, all to attract
    • "dazzling" was basically brain washing, prolonged exposure causes dependency? 
  • Maybe a result of "mates" being separated? 
• Charlie tells Bella she has to go live with her mom if she doesn't get better
• Bella pretends to be getting better
• Gets a job at Mike's parents store
• USES Jake to get better
  • This makes me so mad. Bitch that's my best friend.
• Meets Quill and Embry, hangs out with them and Jacob a lot
• At some point starts hallucinating Edwards voice when in danger
  • Biker bar? 
• Finds motor bikes (Charlie would have an actual aneurism) 
• manipulates Jacob into fixing up bikes
• Hangs out with Jacob a lot
• Sees pack cliff diving
  • Sam
  • Jared
  • Paul
    • Explains the "gang" to Bella
• Embry goes missing and shows back up with Sam's gang
• Jacob is pissed and betrayed
• Bella keeps hanging out with Jacob and Quill
• Bella invites Jacob and Mike to the movies
• Mike gets flu and voms all over the theater bathroom (rip)
• Jacob also gets sick at end of night
• Jacob starts avoiding her because "mono"
• Bella gets really mad that Jacob is avoiding her
  • Billy fielding calls, won't let Bella talk to him
• Bella goes to La Push to confront Jacob
• Sees Jacob with Sam and them
• Gets real mad
• Before or after she confronts Jacob she sees Laurent in the meadow
• Almost gets eaten
• Wolves save her
• Jacob sneaks into her room and tells her to remember the other part of the Cold Ones legend
• Bella realizes after seeing a wolf poster at work that Jacob is a werewolf
• People keep going missing 
• Lots of sightings of big animals in the woods
• Hikers dying
• Charlie is over worked
• Bella goes to La Push to tell Jacob she figured it out.
  • Sam is there, or the others?
  • Bella punches Paul
    • basically breaks her had
  • Gets taken to Emily's
• Bella learns Victoria is after her
• Freaks the freak out
• Pack is trying to hunt Victoria, but she keeps escaping
  • Pack discusses her ability being evasion possibly
• Bella finds stuff Edward hid
  • Bella clawed a radio out of the truck?
• Bella goes cliff diving and almost dies because its storming and she's an idiot
• Harry has a heart attack
• Jacob takes Bella home and Alice is there
• Alice tells Bella that she had a vision of her dying and Edward found out
  • Edward has been hunting Victoria or something I think?
    • If so he was really bad at it
• Edward is trying to kill himself via Volturi
  • Volturi = Vampire Government
    • Aro
    • Caius
    • Marcus
      • Aro's sister was Marcus' wife, Aro killed her b/c they wanted to leave the Volturi
        • Marcus doesn't know
          • No one knows?
• Bella LEAVES A NOTE FOR CHARLIE ON THE DAY ONE OF HIS VERY BEST FRIENDS DIES AND RUNS AWAY WITH ALICE JACOB IS PISSED AND I DON'T BLAME HIM
• They get to Volte  Vult  Italy in time to save Edward
• Guards collect them and take them to the kings
• Aro is creepy
• Edward almost gets killed after all
• Aro wants Bella
• They get to leave on the grounds that Bella is changed
• Bella sees a tourist group being lead to their deaths
  • how is this a sustainable hunting method? Its both obvious and suspicious
• They go back home
• Bella takes Edward back
• Bella is in not nearly enough trouble for disappearing
• The Cullens move back

End of Book 2

I don't think I like Book me. She's pathetic and whiney and spinless and stupid and makes really bad decisions, and doesn't value anyone but the Cullens. The Cullens who she hasn't known as long as everyone else, and are vampires. I feel so bad for Jake. At least in this life he doesn't like me like that, but still. Bella using him isn't cool. He legit should never have spoken to him again.

Eclipse

• Suspicious murders in Seattle are in the news. Jasper determines someone is making a newborn army
• Edward disabled Bella's truck so she can't visit Jacob
  • This pisses off Charlie 
  • Charlie hopes it pushed Bella to spend more time with Jacob
  • I'M STARTING A RED FLAG TALLEY. 
• Bella returns from the rez after visiting Jacob to find that an unknown vampire had broken into her room
• They determine it was too steal a shirt 
• Bella connects the dots and tells the Cullens that the army must be Victoria
• Bella and Edward visit Renee in Jacksonville 
  
  • This was a diversion to get her out of town while the Cullens hunt Victoria
• Edward blackmails Bella into being engaged on the grounds that he won't change her unless they marry first
  
  • WTF this is so wrong. SHE WILL BE KILLED BY THE VOLTURI IF SHE ISN'T CHANGED
  • also? RED FUCKING FLAG BRO
• Somewhere is here Jacob kisses Bella against her will and she breaks her had punching him in the face
  
  • is there a single moment in this book where  my  Bella's opinions and feelings are taken into account??
    • I know IRL Jacob doesn't have feelings for me, but if he ever did this, I'd do worse than break my hand on his face
    • If I ever find out he does this to ANYONE ELSE, I'll do worse than break my hand on his face
• Bella Alice Edward graduate
• Pack shows up at graduation party to make a truce/agree to help the Cullens 
• It's determined that Victoria is headed to Forks with the army
• Jasper trains the Cullens and pack on fighting newborns
• Battle is planned
• Bella is hidden in a tent near the battle field, Jacob is used to hide her scent. Edward is with them on the tent, Seth outside to keep watch
• Edward has to allow Jacob to cuddle Bella in her sleeping bag so she doesn't become hypothermic
  
  • vaguely remember her not allowing it until Edward okays it. I hope I'm misremembering that
• Jacob finds out about the engagement and tells Bella that he'll recklessly join the fight and did of she doesn't kiss him
  
  • See opinions on previous Jacob Kiss
    • Did you for real just threaten suicide if she did kiss you??
• Bella kisses him and realizes that she IS in love with him, she's just more in love with Edward 
• Victoria finds where they're hiding Bella and breaks away from the main group to get to her, with her 2nd in command, Riley Byers
  
  • Charlie had been working Riley's missing persons case
• Edward and Seth kill Victoria 
• Jacob's ribs get crushed by a vampire while saving Leah, almost dies 
• Volturi show up just in time to do nothing, and remind everyone that Bella is expected to be changed soon
• Carlisle treats Jacob
• Bella visits Jacob to let him know she's Team Edward 
  
  • I'm Team Independent Woman, WTH is wrong with Book-Bella?? I have brain damage, but at least not whatever kind causes this behavior
• Jacob promises to always be waiting door her, even after she'd changed, which is a really dumb promise to make
• Edward and Bella begin wedding planning
  
  • Lets be real, Alice and Edward begin wedding planning
• Edward gives Bella a really ugly ring, possibly well before this point. I just don't know when.
  • It belonged to his dead mother, should have been buried with her so no one had to see it again.

End of Book 3

Once again, there is so much wrong with this. Every book Eddie boy is just pilling on the red flags. Its like he thinks they're a limited time only collectable item. They are his Beanie Baby. And everyone is just watching this happen. I'm really wondering how the hell Rosalie and Esme, who're supposed to have been in terrible abusive relationships, aren't seeing everything happening and telling Bella to GTFO. I know Rosalie has voiced that she doesn't think Bella should be changed, but at no point is the conversation "hey Bella. Here's the vin diagram of my relationship with Royce and your relationship with Edward. See how it's a millimeter away from being a circle? That's a problem."

Jacob in this book is a whole different problem. I'm not even touching that beyond my previous notes. CONCENT BUD. I'm sitting the guys down ASAP to have a conversation abt consent.

Breaking Dawn

(Movie 2 parts? maybe? IDK)

• Edward gives Bella a bomb proof car
• Bella and Edward get married despite Bella not wanting to get married young or possibly at all
  • I'm still mad that he legit said "get fucked Bella. Marry me or be murdered by Vampire Government"
• Jacob goes to wedding and gets mad that Bella and Ed are going to fuck while she's human
  • Home Girl. He can barely kiss you with out risking your life. HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED DANGER BEFORE IN YOUR LIFE SOMEONE SHOW THIS UNDER DEVELOPED FONTAL LOBE IN A PERSON SUIT HOW TO MAKE A PROCON LIST
• The newly weds go to an entire island that the Cullens own because they've do insider trading via Alice's visions.
  • Housekeeper? Terrified of them
  • Vaguely remember her trying to ask Bella if she needs help? Idk if that actually happened or if she was just terrified
• They consummate the marriage, Edward destroys pillows so that he doesn't crush Bella
• Bella and Eddie fuck and frolic for like 2 weeks
• Bella gets sick and realizes she's missed her period
• Edward and Bella realize she's pregnant and its progressing way too fast
  • 2 weeks in and already showing??
  • This is not a romance. Its horror
• They get Bella back to Forks and Edward tries to make Carlisle give her an abortion
• Rosalie decides she likes Bella now because she always wanted to be a mom, and Bella is basically a walking incubator
  • Did Rosalie think Bella was going to die and she'd get to have the baby
  • Is she just living vicariously through Bella?
• Pack finds out about the baby and Bella.
  • Sam thinks baby needs to be killed bc he thinks it'll be a threat
  • Honestly? Valid fear
• Jacob makes his own pack bc he doesn't agree
  • Sticking a pin in this
• Seth and Leah join Jacob
  • Embry, Quill? Where's the solidarity bros? (they're tired of Bros Before Hoes violations)
• Bella goes down hill as the parasite does what parasites do... and breaks her ribs because why the hell not at this point
• Bella has to start DRINKING BLOOD because everything else makes her sick
• At some point Carlisle tries an ultrasound but can't see through the placenta? ((I may have made that up or could be from a fanfic, no clue))
• Ravioli Ravioli Give Me the Formuoli evacuates the womb with her teeth and claws through Bella's abdominal wall and into the world
  • Bella's spine gets broken and Bella starts to die
  • Bella gets changed
• JACOB IMPRINTS ON THE BRAND NEW THREE SECOND OLD BABY WHO BY THE WAY IS NAMED RENESMEE WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NAME
  • this should be illegal
  • Wait... doesn't Q imprint on like a 6 year old? 
  • I can not even
  • I can't
• Bella wakes up from the transition as the most in control vampire in the history of newborn vampires because she was born to be a vampire or something
  • I'm exhausted. I'm buying a ticket to Jacksonville
  • I am not emotionally equipped to deal with anything else in this godforsaken book.
• "YOU NAMED MY CHILD AFTER THE LOCHNESS MONSTER?"
  • its a better name than Renesmee. Don't want your kid to go by a nickname? Don't give them a name that will make their peers think you hated them from the start.
  • He did her a favor.
• Renesmee can insert images into someone's mind via touch, almost like the reverse of Aro's ability
• Bella's ability to block Edward and Aro's mind reading expands into a kickass mental shield
• Charlie finds out Bella is "alive" and agrees to a 'need to know' arrangement
• Denali's meet Renesmee and Irina thinks she's an immortal child, goes to tell the Voltari
  • a member of the Denali coven made one previously and was killed for it I think?
• Cullens start gathering as many vampires in Forks as they can to prove to the Volturi that Nes isn't an immortal child
  • Is no one worried that La Push is going to run out of teenagers to turn into werewolves?
  • Vampire Presence = Amount of Wolves
  • You guys really suck. You couldn't have done this in Alaska or something??
• We meet a lot of really cool vampires who would have made for much more interesting books
• Bella has fake identities built for Jacob and Renesmee so that if things go bad they can flee
• Eleazer and Jasper train Bella's shield
• Kate and Garrett fall in love
  • Garrett may or may not be into masochism. unconfirmed.
  • Garrett joins the Denali Coven to be with Kate
    • Garrett was a Revolutionary War soldier
• Alistair runs away
  • Had been there to warn them when the Volturi was close
• Volturi arrive and have a show down
• Alice appears with Nahuel, who is a real old vampire hybrid who can prove that vampire hybrids aren't mindless and evil
  • Nahuel remembers being in the womb and killing his mother? or changing his mother? either way. WTF
  • Nahuel's dad is a psycho who's trying to create a master race of hybrids and kills lots of people to do it
  • Nahuel begs the Volturi to spare his siblings, because they're innocent
    • I really hope the Volturi super-duper kills Joham
• Bella and Edward and the Lochness Monster live happily ever after

End Book 4

I have so many questions that I don't even want answered. I don't feel like Bella would be a very hands on mother, and I don't like feeling that way about AU Me. Rosalie and Jacob's back and forth is kind of amusing, but also kind of not. I don't want to remove the pin I put in Jacob's pack. I'm so lost at this point that I don't even remember what the pin was for. Probably something about--I literally don't even know. My brain is fried. I'm going to get a migraine over this shit. I can not and do not want to imagen the trauma that comes from remembering every single thing that happened since the sperm met the egg. RIP Renesmee, you were set up for failure from the beginning. I don't want to be an eternal teenager. I want a fully developed frontal lobe. Someone needs to write a thesis on the important of the frontal lobe and present it to the Volturi so that they can outlaw making teen vampires. It would be better for all of vampire kind. I don't want to be in Forks anymore. I don't want to do this. I really hope all of this is some kind of brain trauma induced delusion and it'll be gone tomorrow.