Chapter Text
The scent of cigarettes on a rainy day had always brought back memories. This was a particularly dark night. Osamu Dazai has always found something ever so calming about the rain. Most of society sees it as an inconvenience, but Dazai finds such comfort in it.
The rain listens quietly, without judging, raining droplets to comfort the disturbed.
Perhaps it’s the fact he met— actually, could you really call it meeting? After all, Dazai has met every version of Oda before. Seen how every version of Oda is destined to suffer when Dazai is in the picture.
There is no universe where they can be together.
Dazai’s shoes were invaded by the rainwater. He paid it no mind. He held the umbrella in his hand as he made his way to bar lupin.. Wait; Had this not occurred already? There has to be some sort of error. Did Dazai not already meet Oda? The brunette swears he remembered the exact moment. How could he forget? Oda pointed a gun at him.
Then Dazai swore he left the bar, so what was he doing now? Why was he so determined to get to the bar again? What was the meaning of all this?
His plan. Right, the plan. The plan to fire Atsushi, tell Akutagawa and Atsushi about the truth of the reality and then kill himself. Yet Dazai swears he already did this. It’s not possible. He remembers it. He remembers it all. Meeting Oda, firing Atsushi, telling them the truth, and then jumping off.
Then, this must be the afterlife. At last, Dazai can be free of suffering. Free of humanity’s expectations. Free to rest somberly for the rest of eternity. But this isn’t quite what he imagined it to be: is the afterlife wandering in the rain for all of eternity? That’s quite a specific sight. He would’ve expected all of his consciousness to finally cut off — or if all the grand religions were true he would have expected to be in hell or whatever. But this is not what he had anticipated at all. He couldn’t think properly either. It’s as if he was dreaming. As if something was blocking him from thinking.
If this is the afterlife, then Dazai has spent all his lives in search of a way to end his suffering for no reason.
This is no different to suffering.
This is the same as hell.
Walking and walking for all of eternity and living another life once again.
Dazai is sick of it all...