Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Roommate Wanted: Penthouse, 3 Bed/1 Bath; Females Only

Apartment is fully furnished including second bedroom, but I ask that you do bring your own bedding (bed offered is a full). Apartment is ideally located in Upper West Side Manhattan near the 1 & 2-Train (subway) and several bus stops. Excellent park-side view. Building is secure with garage parking available as a part of your rent if you have a car.

Must be 21 years of age or older. Non-smoker/no illegal drugs (no exceptions). Must be currently employed and able to pay first month’s rent up front (lease is set for a year).

I don’t really cook, so if you want to use the kitchen it’s all yours.

No pets, please.

I work at Columbia University, so my schedule is mostly weekdays until 5pm, but I often remain out later just to catch up on my grading. I enjoy having solitude at home, so no parties, and I ask that any music/TV be played at a moderate level (we do have neighbors on either side of us and below).

Erin hesitated as she hovered over the ‘post’ button on Craigslist. She didn’t want to go this route, but there really was no other option; she loved this apartment too much to give it up and her last roommate had gone off to work at Yale--six months later, here she was, struggling to get by and far too busy with the new semester and her journals to just scour the Wanted ads for a roommate of her own.

Her friend, Abby had been the one to suggest Craigslist, assuring her that it would be the quickest bet, even if it wasn’t quite the safest. But she was getting desperate, and so, with that in mind, she clicked the button with a soft whimper. After seeing the SUCCESS pop up, she shut her laptop and fell back into her office chair with a deep sigh escaping her chest.

Eyeing the clock on the wall, she noted it was well past her 10pm bedtime. She picked up her empty tea mug and padded to the kitchen, enjoying how the gummy bottoms of her very soft slippers kept her from losing her balance on the hardwood floor. Too neurotic to not wash her dish despite her exhaustion, she wearily washed her mug and set it on the drying rack. As she dried her hands on a towel, she gazed about her modest kitchen, which was somewhat quaint but just right for her. There were a few personal touches, such as the paper towels with “H2-OH NO” written on them and the clock that had rotating neutrons instead of hands.

She desperately hoped that things would work out in the end and that she wouldn’t have to worry about packing up and moving out if she didn’t have the second half of that rent check by the first of next month. Nine days was more than enough to find a roommate. Definitely. She cringed as she spotted the calendar hanging on the fridge with the days counting down. Visually, the lack of time was much more intimidating.

If I believed in any God, I’d be praying right now--Abby, you better be right , she thought to herself, shutting off the hallway light as she entered her dimly lit bedroom. She pulled back the covers, sliding under them and relaxing at the cool press of the sheets against her bare legs. Turning over, she plugged her phone into the charger, shut off the light, and tried not to think of her woes before finally succumbing to sleep.

---

“Um, so, yeah.” The young man looked wholly uncomfortable sitting on her couch. “I know the ad said females only, but--”

She lifted her hand. “You said your name was… Danielle?”

“Daniel,” he corrected. “But I’m just really desperate--”

“No thank you.” She pointed to the door. Please , she thought, let this not be a harbinger of the rest of the interviews she’d set up for the day .

---

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to sit down?” Erin asked the dark-haired woman who was standing in the corner, looking uncomfortably out of the floor-to-ceiling window.

“Did you know that drones can only reach 500 feet?” she asked, pulling at the threads of her ratty scarf. She seemed to blink so often Erin was curious if she could see at all.

“I’m sorry?”

“Drones, y’know? The government’s way of spying on us all of the time?--I figured Penthouse, 620 feet up in the air, there’s no wa-- did you see that?! ” the woman flinched and leapt back from the window as a small flock of pigeons flew past, and Erin worried for the woman’s mental state.

“Am-Amber is it?” Erin asked, worried about spooking the woman.

“Does my bedroom have windows?”

Erin sighed. “Okay...”

---

Sara sat primly at the kitchen table with her hands folded in front of her. She smiled broadly and talked about her love for her job and how nice it was to finally find an apartment in the city that wasn’t going to charge a newborn baby each month for rent. She seemed stable. Erin thought about Amber and shuddered, relaying only that her previous interview had been a bit--odd.

“No oddities here,” Sara promised. “I mean, the occasional dance party if I need to de-stress real quick, but I figure everyone has something, right?”

“Oh, you’re so right.” Erin beamed. “Did you have any questions about the place?”

“Are you okay if I cook a lot? I love to eat, and I’m just really bad at figuring out how much to make before I start. I try to make one portion of spaghetti, and I end up with meals for a week.”

“Are you--are you asking me if I mind if you store things in the fridge?”

“Well, in part, yes, but would you help me eat through what I make?”

Erin brightened. “It’s hard for me to keep up with my eating sometimes, so that would be great. To be honest, Sara, you seem like a great fit as a roommate. Would you be able to move in on the first?”

“Oh, of course.”

They shook hands, and Erin never heard from her again.

---

Four days to go. Erin reminded herself as she literally threw back two Excedrin after sending her last potential “roommate” out the door…

“Hello! You must be Ruth!” Erin had beamed at the prim, blonde businesswoman who stood at the entryway as she welcomed her in.

“Ha, no, but yes in a manner of speaking--I’m Ruth’s daughter. I came to make sure that this place was spic and span before I wrote a check.”

Erin had blinked, hand still outstretched as the woman tapped something out on her Blackberry (who even has one of those anymore?!) and let it fall to her side. “I’m sorry?”

“Do you speak English?” the woman had asked, quite stiffly. “I’m Jennifer. Ruth is my mother and she’s in need of an apartment--”

“Uhm, yes, I understood that part, what I don’t understand is why you are here in her place? I prefer to speak directly with whom would be coming to live with me?”

“My mother isn’t really aware of the situation, but then what can you do with a stubborn, eighty-nine-year-old woman? Am I right?” Jennifer laughed without humor. Erin’s eyes widened.

“My mother needs a place to live and refuses to live in assisted living, despite that she can barely walk --”

“Would you or a nurse be coming in to take care of her needs then?” Erin asked, already fearing the answer.

“Oh, heavens no, that’s what you do, isn’t it? You’re a Doctor from what you said in your email?”

Erin had escorted her out, the blonde shrieking every step of the way.

---

After politely and carefully saying no to Janice, who was just looking for an address to give her parole officer, Erin called Abby to bemoan her fate. She loved her apartment, but with just one day left, she was out of options.

“Calm down, first of all.”

“I am perfectly calm.”

“Is that why your voice sounds like someone letting air out of a balloon?”

Erin grumbled. “Your voice… sounds like a balloon.”

“Very witty.”

“I can’t help it, Abby. I have to move, immediately. I can’t keep hoping Sara will suddenly remember my number.”

After a moment, Abby said, “Look, there’s a new graduate student in the department. Last I heard, she was looking for somewhere to live. I could show her your ad, if you wanted.”

“I don’t have time to meet with her.” Erin rubbed her forehead in a vain attempt to keep her anxiety down. “I have that article to edit for submission, and materials to prepare for midterms.”

“Give me a list of questions to ask her, and I’ll vet her for you. You can trust me, Er. I won’t let a psycho-killer move in with you.”

“Preferably not a psycho or a killer, either.”

“Hah. Well, that severely limits your choices if you’re just looking in New York City.”

“Funny,” Erin rolled her eyes, despite Abby being unable to see her over the phone. “Listen, I’ll email you a list of things I’ve asked some of my other potentials , but I’m trusting you here with my life. Abs, please. ”

“Calm your breasts, woman, it’ll be fine--I think you’ll really like her anyway. She actually specializes in experimental particle physics, so you two will even have some things to talk about without worrying if the other has any idea what you’re saying.”

“Okay, I’ve got to run. I have a date with Phil--” she ignored the retching sound that Abby made over the line. “Love you!”

“Tell Wonderboy I said to suck it!”

Erin hung up and shot out the email to Abby.

She’s been working at that weird college far too long . Erin was grateful for Abby’s friendship, in spite of a minor rift just after college when Erin refused to publish their “book,” causing them to go their separate ways. Yet, they found one another again a short time later, both living in New York and working as Professors at their respected colleges--and although Erin had her doubts about the Kenneth P. Higgins Institute, Abby was happy there.

They gave her the space and freedom to do what she wanted with full access to her very own lab and materials.

“Bet you $20 that Columbia wouldn’t do that--just you wait, I’m cooking up my very own PKE meter here, then we’ll see who’s laughing!”

“Abby, there’s no sustainable proof that a PKE Meter would even work--”

“You’ll all see!”

Erin left it at that--she and Abby still had a lot of differences, one of them being Erin’s choice in men, or rather, Phil. Erin and Phil had been dating roughly about three months now, and it was-- nice --was he the One? Probably not, but in the meantime, Erin found him endearing, and he shared her passion for education and supported her accomplishments within the Physics community.

He and Abby didn’t get on.

---

Erin trudged to the elevator and waited patiently to be whisked to the top floor. She was tired. After spending the evening with Phil, she just wanted some peace and quiet. He was less than thrilled with her leaving her roommate decision in Abby’s hands--in his opinion, she wasn’t capable of making the right decision for Erin, and he would have been glad to help her out, not to mention he still didn’t know why she wouldn’t just move in with him.

All in all, it had taken most of Erin’s patience not to snap at him. With the stress building around her apartment and midterms, she didn’t have much positivity in reserve, and certainly none she could wantonly expend on him. She’d left his company early, claiming she had a headache and that she’d see him again the next day.

She hadn’t heard from Abby, either, which meant that the graduate student had likely been a dead end.

She slipped her key into the lock, turned the knob, and stepped into her home. She stopped.

The first thing that hit her senses was sound . She had been positive there had been nothing left turned on in her apartment when she left, but now the distinct sounds of DeBarge were playing through a cheap tinny-sounding speaker attached to a cracked smartphone that she could see resting on the breakfast nook.

The second thing that came to her senses was that she was no longer alone and wondered for a moment whether she was in the right apartment. A stranger was gyrating in her kitchen around the stove where a pot was set to boiling water on the top as she pirouetted and flailed her arms with jazz hands, blonde poof of hair flying about where it wasn’t tied back into a bun that practically defied the laws of physics.

She was oddly outfitted into a grease-and-paint stained pair of dungarees, mismatched thigh-high socks, scuffed black combat boots and a green olive crop top that rode up her midsection--showing off toned, smooth skin that distracted Erin’s thought processes as she gathered her wits.

“Uhm--excuse me? Wh-who’re you?” Erin spoke over the sounds of the cheesy 80s pop music that continued to blare from the speaker.

The blonde in question paused in her movements and turned around with a wide smirk gracing her features.

“Holtzmann, everyone calls me Holtz, though. PhD candidate. Avid skiier. Gluten- full .“ She extended her hand, unperturbed when Erin didn’t shake it, retracting it with the same smarmy grin. “And one-hundred percent jazzed to meet you.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Dr. Yates said I could live with you.” Holtzmann twirled back into the kitchen. “If you mean the kitchen more specifically, I believe the ad said I could have at it.”

Erin stuttered for a full ten seconds before a fully formed sentence could find its way out of her brain. “I did not give her permission to just tell someone to enter my home. How did you even get inside?”

“She gave me her spare key. Said you were pretty desperate, what with rent due tomorrow.”

Her brain halted abruptly. Rent was due. “Can… can you afford it?”

“No need to worry your pretty little head about that anymore, hot stuff. I’m hella financially secure.” Holtzmann winked. “Ever heard of the Read Aloud?”

Erin thought a moment and then nodded. “That device that scans any piece of written information and, well-- reads it out loud.”

“A-yup. All mine. My little sister has dyslexia, and I got so tired of teachers thinking she was stupid just because she struggled with reading.” She shrugged. “Didn’t get the patent for the tech until a few years ago, but now, they’re in mass production. People dig the shit out of them. I meant to help my sister, but visually impaired people are benefitting, too. And so am I, really, if you look at my bank statements.”

Processing this information took a few moments. While Erin did so, Holtz returned to her bubbling pot and sniffed. Finally, Erin came to a simple conclusion: none of that information changed that she had not said Jillian Holtzmann could enter her apartment, spread her chaos, and stay in the spare bedroom.

“I’m sorry, Miss Holtzmann--”

“Holtz, please. Only my grade-school teachers called me Ms. Holtzmann--or Jillian when I really pissed them off. Holtzmann is fine, too.”

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t think we’re going to get along as roommates.”

Holtz quirked an eyebrow and frowned at this information whilst continuing to stir the boiling concoction on the stove that actually smelled halfway pleasant.

“Well, I already signed the lease so it looks like neither of us really has a choice--you need money, I need a place to live--if you’re really that worried about cleanliness, I promise I’m a lot neater than all of this”--she gestured to the kitchen that was in disarray--”seems to appear, just give me about a solid 24 hours to get all my stuff sorted out and you’ll hardly notice me.”

I doubt that , Erin thought, a bit darkly. “That’s really not the problem, Miss-”

“ Holtz .”

Erin pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache beginning to build behind her eyes. “Listen, I don’t think--” she was interrupted by the sound of a whirring contraption that chose at that moment to smack into the back of her leg. She jumped, looking down at the contraption--it looked like an old motorized Hotwheels toy car that could be controlled remotely--but it wasn’t the contraption that caused Erin’s jaw to drop and seething rage begin to bubble up under her skin, but the furry little appendage that sat on top of it, was.

“You brought animals into my apartment?!” Erin near-shrieked as the motorized toy whipped back from Erin’s leg and then went around her, soon followed by three similar rodent-like furballs, skittering across the floor, each roughly the size of a large potato and in a multitude of colors.

“One, our apartment. Two, not animals, my children ,” Holtz beamed proudly from the four fur-like creatures to her watch, not paying attention to the look of horror on Erin’s face as the blonde fiddled with a treat bag on the counter. “Chinchillas, to be exact. The one on the machine is Émilie. She’s the eldest and moves a bit slower, so she is able to get around in that toy with a little mechanism I built specifically for her little paws to maneuver. The black one is Ada, the dark gray is Lise, and the speckled one is Rosalind.”

“There was an entire line on my ad, and I made sure that Abby had it outlined that animals were strictly not allowed--!”

“No, you said no pets , these are my kids , and they usually only come out when I’m here in the evenings. Otherwise they remain in their little condos, sleeping peacefully or exercising--y’know, you carry a lot of tension in your shoulders,” Holtz said, nonchalant as she straightened up after offering them treats, and they scattered; Erin quickly jumped out of the way of the car.

Holtzmann returned to humming along to the song on her speakers, and Erin did a wonderful interpretation of a fish, jaw opening and closing when nothing came out but exaggerated huffs and indignant noises, but she really didn’t have the brain capacity in this moment to compartmentalize and scold this woman or kick her out.

Especially , Erin thought , with the rent due tomorrow, you really can’t afford to lose it now, so suck it up, Buttercup and figure out a new plan…

“You want some?”

She forced her attention back to the commotion in the kitchen. “Some…?”

“Some homemade linguini.” Holtz gestured to the pot. “Fresh, hot, gonna hit the spot.”

Despite her reservations, Erin didn’t want to say no. She was hungry, and she hadn’t been looking forward to ordering Chinese yet again. Stiffly nodding her head, she took a plate and allowed Holtz to serve her a healthy portion of carbs.

“Sauce is an old family recipe. I can’t tell you what’s in it, or I’d have to kill you.”

Erin rolled her eyes. “I’m allergic to peanuts. As long as you haven’t used any, I should be fine.”

“How did you know?” Holtz flung a hand melodramatically over her forehead. “My super secret family recipe for delicious Italian pasta sauce is made of pure peanuts.”

Unwilling to continue this friendly repartee, Erin sat at the table and dug a fork into the noodles. No matter what this tasted like, she resolved not to be too enthusiastic. She took a bite and immediately ruined her own plans.

“Oh my goodness.” She closed her eyes. “This is--magical.”

Holtz preened. Erin met her eyes and glowered.

“I’m still not okay with those--”

“They’ll grow on ya,” Holtz smirked like the chinchilla that got the treat.

The statement made the… creatures… seem more like a fungus, which Erin certainly didn’t want in her home. She lapsed into silence, not saying more than a word or two whenever Holtz engaged her with questions. Leaving Holtz to her business, she retreated to her bedroom and locked the door.

Later, when she was heading toward her ten o’clock bedtime, she tiptoed to the bathroom to wash up and retreated just as quietly. Maybe she’d wake up in the morning and find this all to be a nightmare.

---

“Abby, I can’t believe you!” Erin sat in her office, clutching her phone to her ear and all but stabbing a student’s work with a red pen.

“Whoa, whoa, calm down there before you give yourself a heart attack--what happened?” Erin guffawed at the question.

“Wh-what happened?!” she practically shouted into the receiver. “Abby, you gave a stranger access into my home, without even telling me first, so imagine my surprise when I come home and there’s A. loud music playing, B. a woman I’ve never seen before in my home and kitchen listening to DeBarge of all things, and C. she has animals, Abby!”

A student who was passing by glanced in through the glass pane on her door, and Erin went to pull down the privacy screen with a huff. She paced her office, no longer able to sit still as she ranted at her so-called best friend about the woman who she was now unwillingly stuck with.

“Erin--”

“You had one job , Abby! I mean, c’mon, I know I said I was desperate , but really? Her?! Was there really no one else?”

“ Erin --”

“I mean, yes, the woman is slightly goofy and maybe a little charming--and don’t get me started on her cooking, it’s practically a sin in my mouth-”

“ERIN!”

“ What?! ” Erin shouted and then realized where she was and closed her eyes, counting to five in her head, slowly, before clearing her throat. “What, Abby?” she hissed.

“Erin, look, you’re a creature of habit and so is Holtzmann--you really oughtta get to know her, give her a chance, I know she’s not the first person you’d have picked--”

“You’ve got that right,” Erin sniffed.

“However, you were both in need of something and I gave it a shot--besides, you only have to live with her and let’s be honest, how often are you really at home anyhow? You spend more time in that stuffy office and out with the spawn of -- ”

“Abby, really, not now,” Erin sighed, sitting back into her leather armchair behind her desk. “Look, I just--I’m sorry for yelling, but you did sort of pull a dick move on me there by not warning me you’d at least given her your key--”

“Yeah, make sure I get that back, yeah?” Abby reminded her.

“At this point, you’ll be lucky if I do,” Erin wasn’t quite ready to let her friend off of the hook, despite her intentions.

“Give her a chance, Er,” Abby warned. “You weren’t the most liked person in high school--”

Erin winced.

“Fine, I’ll try--but seriously, those rodents have to go.“ Erin was going to find a way.

“Those little buggers are SO cute, why would you wanna get rid of them? They’re her babies, Erin, don’t be mean.”

“They’re rodents, Abby!”

“ Children ,” a new voice interrupted and Erin dropped her phone in shock, gasping at the unwelcome visitor.

Holtzmann stood in her doorway, a tupperware bowl in hand and a hurt look gracing her features.

“Holtzmann--”

“I noticed you forgot your lunch on the counter this morning--I had some extra linguini and figured it was better than that sad excuse of a salad,” Holtzmann’s voice was stilted, choppy like she couldn’t get the words out fast enough and she stood rigid in Erin’s doorway, holding out the olive branch that caused Erin’s heart to ache when the blonde wouldn’t meet her eye. Holtzmann tugged at her ear, shifting from one foot to the next and straightened the pair of strange yellow glasses that Erin didn’t recall her wearing the night before, they were almost like goggles, what with the metal safety shields on the sides.

“Holtz, I--”

“See you later,” Holtzmann dropped the container on the far edge of Erin’s desk, nearly sending it teetering before she practically sprinted from the office in her combat boots, not bothering to slow down when Erin called out after her.

She was just about to chase after the younger woman when she heard Abby yelling from under her desk and remembered her phone.

“Abby?” Erin croaked into the receiver.

“You better fix this, Er--she’s my friend, too,” Abby said in a tone far more serious than Erin liked and knew then that she had some serious grovelling to do. The line went dead.

---

Teaching was more difficult than usual, as her mind wandered to Holtzmann more often than it ought to have. When she went out to Basti’s on the Hill for dinner with Phil, she was likewise distracted. She sat down and barely noticed when he questioned her choice in outfit.

“Erin, are you paying attention to me?”

She blinked and nodded. “Of course, Phil.”

“What’s with you?”

“Nothing. Just… I’ve been thinking about my roommate situation a lot lately.”

He sighed. “Erin, you need to give up on that apartment. Come live with me.”

“Abby found someone for me,” she replied, defensiveness sneaking into her voice. “The lease has already been signed. I’m locked in for another year.”

“Oh, great. Leave it to Abigail to make your life more difficult yet again.”

Erin narrowed her eyes. “Abby did me a favor. I asked for her help, and she did her best. Am I satisfied with the results? Not completely, but she saved me from having to move out of an apartment I love.”

He reached across the table and took her hands. “Erin. Sweetheart. When will you understand that she isn’t doing you any favors?”

Erin shook her head.

“Phil--”

“I mean, c’mon, Erin, she’s working for a school that doesn’t even have the proper accreditations to be teaching young minds, doesn’t that bother you? For goodness sakes, their Dean spells science with a y .”

“Abby is a brilliant astrophysicist and my friend,” Erin’s eyes remained narrowed. “I know that the two of you don’t get along, but I wish that you’d both stop taking shots at one another around me, I love her very much and I don’t have time for your petty-”

“She’s taking shots at me behind my back? Ha, figures!” Phil sat back shaking his head with a grim smile.

“I think I’ve had enough,” Erin sighed, pulling her napkin up from her lap and placing it next to her still full plate.

“Honey, you’ve barely touched your roasted chicken--” Phil sat back up. “Stay, c’mon, look, if it means anything, I’ll apologize--”

“I’ve just had enough, Phil--I can’t do this tonight, I’ll see you on Monday,” Erin sighed, grabbing her purse and heading out of the restaurant, ignoring Phil trying to beckon her back.

TBC...

Chapter Text

Erin chose to take the subway back, not quite in the mood to wait for a cab, and spent some time allowing her mind to wander as people got on and then off at their respective stops. The metro had always been a fascinating thing for Erin; growing up in small, rural Michigan, it was unheard of to take a train anywhere--most of the time even getting on the bus was considered “unique.”

Erin loved New York: she loved the sights and sounds and smells--even the bad ones--that permeated the air and practically made her always busy mind just dull a little with the sensory overload that surrounded her being. She enjoyed taking the subway and watching mothers tend to their antsy children, or tourists attempt to not look like they were lost, but secretly not listening to anything on their headphones just so they could pay better attention to the stops and focusing on the metro map above their heads.

Erin nearly missed her stop in her daydreaming but got off at the exit and headed up one block to her apartment building where Gerald welcomed her with a gentle smile and a tip of his hat as she entered the familiar marble entrance.

She quickly checked her mailbox and grabbed the usual junk and bills and made her way to the elevator, riding it up to her floor. She felt the sense of dread fill her stomach like a lead weight as she slid her key into the door.

Entering the apartment, the kitchen light was on, but not a sound was made in the entire apartment; she glanced around, fearful if the engineering student was even home, and wondered if maybe she’d have a chance to apologize--part of her still didn’t know what she could say to make any of this right--but then realized she had no idea when the woman would be home or what her schedule even was.

She locked the door behind her and made her way into the apartment.

“Holtzmann?”

Peace and quiet was all she wanted--yet right now, every moment of silence was another pound of guilt loaded onto her shoulders. She made her way down the hallway and knocked tentatively at Holtzmann’s door. It creaked open a moment later, revealing a very disinterested Holtz, who quickly returned to her seated position near her bed, where there was an assortment of scrap metal and more screwdrivers than Erin thought necessary.

“What?”

“You’re here.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s just…” Erin cleared her throat. This was the sort of roommate situation she wanted. She shouldn’t complicate things. “Nevermind.”

The door shut, and she hesitated a moment before heading to her study. So, she hadn’t apologized, but maybe she didn’t have to. Things were just the way she wanted them in her home now, and if Holtzmann had a problem with it, she ought to say something herself.

She sat at her desk and fiddled with a pen. Clearing her mind, as best she could anyway, she scrawled down some ideas for her next article. While she worked, she kept an ear on the hallway. If Holtzmann came out, she’d say something nice, like that she appreciated how neat everything was once more. The only sound she heard, however, was a tiny scritching. She turned her chair and found one of the rodents on the ground near her feet.

“You’re not supposed to be out here.”

Erin eyed the black mammal and tried to remember what Holtzmann had said about each one’s names, but at the moment couldn’t recall--

“Well, uhm--” Erin got out of her chair and crouched low, approaching slowly so as to not spook the rodent, or let it spook her--she thought grimly. She’d never been a fan of animals growing up, as they’d nearly always attacked her in some way or another.

“Best get you back to your room then, please don’t pee or bite me,” Erin went to reach out and the chinchilla squeaked, backing away. Erin paused, leaving her hand down and outstretched. The mammal slowly moved forward again, nose twitching and tail moving in slow, graceful movements as it sniffed Erin’s finger and then crept closer. Erin allowed a small smile to grace her lips.

“C’mon, that’s it, I’m just gonna take you back to your room and-- OW !!!!” Erin jerked her hand back as the chinchilla sank its teeth into her index finger and the movement apparently startled the rodent because it immediately ran from her, leaving behind a trailing sound of squeaks and a damp spot on the carpet. “Mmph, you little--” Erin sucked the digit in her mouth to help ease the pain and then glanced to make sure it wasn’t bleeding before realizing she had lost track of the tiny animal and immediately spun in place.

“Oh no, no, no--” Erin felt her anxiety spike.

She pulled her legs up onto the chair with her and closed her eyes. Sucking in several deep breaths, she tried to fight the throbbing pain in her finger and the anxiety tying her stomach in knots. This was just great--the expired frosting on the shit cake that was her life these days. Holtzmann, and her devil spawn ‘children’ needed to go.

“Holtzmann,” she hollered, clutching her finger to her chest. “Get out here!”

A moment later, she heard footsteps in the hallway. Holtz appeared in the doorway, a hand on her hip and the other trailing through her hair.

“Myep?”

“This is totally unacceptable.”

Holtz frowned. “Seriously? I’ve done everything-- everything --possible to make this easier for you, disregarding my own comfort, and you turn around and say that to me? Geeze, Erin, get off your high horse and get that stick out of your ass.”

“My--my what ?” Erin asked, appalled. “Listen, your little rodent came in here and I was just trying to get it back to you and it bit me!”

Holtzmann’s eyes widened at that information.

“Oh no,” Erin’s anxiety spiked again.

“Oh no, what? Please tell me I don’t have to go get a rabies shot!”

“No, not that , but I am sorry--was it Ada?” Holtzmann asked.

“What?”

Holtzmann rolled her eyes. “The black one.”

Erin nodded, still nursing her stinging digits, it wasn’t bleeding, thank goodness, but it was red and she could make out a faint bite track on the pad of her finger.

“Yeah, she’s a mischievous one, she doesn’t take well to change and she must’ve picked the lock on her condo--”

“How is that even possible?” Erin asked, aghast. Holtzmann ignored the interruption, continuing on.

“You probably frightened her,” she stated, flippantly. Erin guffawed.

“ She bit me , Holtz! I was just trying to let her sniff my hand to trust me! Isn’t that a--a thing for animals?”

”Let me smell.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Your hand--let me smell!” Holtzmann rolled her eyes and reaching for and grabbing Erin’s hand, pulling the injured appendage up to her nose and sniffing.

“Mmmhmm, thought so,” Holtzmann muttered.

Erin yanked her hand back, affronted and stared slack-jawed at the blonde who then got on her hands and knees and began scavenging the nooks and crannies of Erin’s office for the hiding animal.

“What? What did you think? And really ?” Erin asked, looking at her hand that still felt unusually warm from the gentle way that Holtzmann had handled it--she’d felt the callouses that had been in the engineer’s palm, but the blonde herself was actually quite tender and-- ugh, stop it Erin, focus!

“You smell like coconut. Chinchillas love that, so she probably thought you were offering her a treat,” Holtzmann answered, still searching through a pile of books on her lower shelf. “Ooh, this is a really good book--hey can I borrow this some time?” Holtzmann asked, and Erin honestly couldn’t wrap her mind around the amount of emotions that this woman seemed to be slapping her in the face with.

At one point, they were barely speaking, and she was certain that Holtz was pissed at her--now she was asking, in earnest, if she could borrow some of Erin’s books?

“Uhm, sure--just, y’know, return them when you’re done? Have you found it yet?” Erin asked, and then Holtzmann looked back at her and paused.

“Not an it, a she, ” Holtzmann’s eyes then glanced down at Erin’s legs and smiled, “and looks like she found you. ”

Erin followed the blonde’s gaze down to her feet where, and sure enough, the black chinchilla was sniffing at Erin’s toes. Erin, who’d already suffered from one bite and didn’t desire another, jumped back in fright with a loud yelp, the chinchilla squeaked again, scampering away from Erin and Holtz grabbed the rodent up, pulling her to her chest.

“Shh, shh, easy baby girl--Mama’s here,” Holtzmann cooed at the animal as if it were an actual baby, and Erin just stood there, motionless, watching as Holtzmann petted the animal and whispered nonsensically to it. “I’ve told you we don’t pick our locks after hours--you know better, no treats for at least another day now… And I think you owe Miss Gilbert an apology.”

Erin blushed at the formal use of her name when Holtzmann eyed Erin as she stated it. She straightened up and glanced down at the mammal.

“It-- she is forgiven.” Erin lowered her tone, directing her own form of apology to Holtzmann who stared back at Erin, almost studiously. “Just--make sure she doesn’t get out again? I--I don’t mind, I just--don’t want them to get hurt out here.”

Erin was surprised that she actually meant it… the little balls of fur weren’t too horrible, but she certainly was not a caretaker and didn’t want to be. But most importantly, it seemed to be the right thing to say because a gentle smile graced Holtzmann’s face, and the outline of a dimple appeared in her right cheek that made Erin feel a lot better, lighter even.

“C’mon, trouble maker, leggo, ” Holtzmann moved to leave the office and then paused in the door. She looked back at Erin, thoughtfully, but then continued on, and Erin listened to her footsteps retreat down the hall. Once Holtz’s door shut, she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and headed back to her desk to sit back down.

---

Three mornings later, Erin headed into the kitchen to make her usual cup of coffee. She had to admit that having Holtzmann as a roommate hadn’t totally destroyed her life. There were inconveniences, such as the rat bite, as well as Holtz’s penchant for singing loudly in the shower, some forty minutes before Erin’s alarm went off, but overall, neither of them were dead or intent on killing the other.

And she hadn’t even had to apologize.

As she poured her mug and added a few sugars, she examined the note Holtz had left on the fridge door, written in what some school teacher had likely called chicken scratch in Holtz’s earlier years. The message was brief but reminded her not to forget her lunch again, and the crazy swirl of Holtz’s signature at the bottom brought a smile to Erin’s lips unbidden.

She sobered quickly as she finished her coffee, washed the mug out, and hurried to her office to gather supplies for the day. Her students were getting restless with exams on the horizon, and she was doing her best to keep their anxiety from rubbing off onto her. She was already a bundle of taut nerves without their interference.

Thanks to Holtzmann’s note, she didn’t forget her lunch. In fact, as she nibbled at her salad around noon, she sent a mental thank you to the blonde--she hadn’t been nice to Holtz, but Holtz was achingly kind in return. She’d have to update her behavior, she decided.

---

“City Morgue, you kill ‘em, we chill ‘em.”

“Abigail! What if I’d been your mother!” Erin squawked.

“Then she’d probably be yelling at me already about my behavior. What’s up, Gilbert?” Abby snipped. Erin winced at her tone; so that was still a thing.

“Uhm--listen, I was wondering if you had a way I could reach out to Holtzmann? I--I know I’ve been a bit of a, uhm--”

“A dick?”

“Language, Abby!” Erin hissed, looking around her office and noticing that of course, she was alone, and yes, nobody could actually hear Abby on the other line, but still .

“Look, I’d love to help ya but I’ve got work to do and--”

“Abby, please, I don’t have her number and I just want to do something nice for her, I promise I’m trying here--” Silence followed, and Erin wondered if maybe Abby had just hung up on her. Wouldn’t be the first time. But then an exasperated sigh came over the line.

“Fine, I’ll text it to ya, but you didn’t get it from me and Erin?”

Erin hummed.

“Don’t hurt her again.”

“Thank you, Abby,” Erin smiled, and the expression grew as her cell phone buzzed with an incoming text message immediately after she hung up with her friend.

---

Erin[12:41pm]: Holtzmann, this is Erin, Erin Gilbert--I wanted to know if maybe you would like to meet me for dinner instead of having to cook tonight? My treat?

She waited a few moments without a response and decided that Holtzmann must be busy in the lab or in class--she still had no idea of the woman’s schedule and decided that she needed to get to know the woman with whom she’d be sharing a living space--and she had to get back to class very soon. Thankfully, her phone buzzed on her desk.

Holtzmann[12:46pm]: What did you have in mind?

Erin beamed.

---

Before she reached the restaurant, Erin pulled out her phone and used the front-facing camera to check her appearance. She noted her flushed cheeks as she did so and scolded herself for feeling so excited for a simple meal between roommates--which she was only doing because she’d be a bit harsh on Holtzmann at first. This was nothing more than an initial peace talk, her way of extending the olive branch back to Holtz after all but spitting on Holtz’s attempt.

Satisfied that her makeup was still acceptable and that there was nothing caught between her teeth, she stepped inside and informed the hostess she was a party of two. She texted Holtz that she’d gotten a table already and then followed the man to a small table by the windows. A few moments later, the wait staff brought two glasses of water, and she settled in to wait for her companion.

A few minutes lapsed without a response from Holtz, and she worried she was being stood up. This would be an apt punishment for her behavior, but she was disappointed that Holtz would do such a thing to her. There was little in life more embarrassing to her than being shamed in public, and this would definitely do it. She took a sip of water and tried to quell her burbling emotions.

Her phone buzzed.

Holtzmann[6:17pm]: Sorry! Left lab late. On my way, hot stuff.

Erin felt relief swim through her gut, and she swallowed the water a bit easier as she waited patiently for her roommate to arrive. The waiter in the corner kept eyeing her with pity, and now she was grateful that he could wipe that look off of his face. She motioned for him to come over.

“Do you still want to order?” he asked, almost pathetically.

“Yes, yes, my roo-- my friend will be here in a mo-”

“ Friend has arrived!” Holtzmann’s voice cut her off and for once, Erin wasn’t upset.

“Oh, well--that’s a relief,” the waiter chuckled at his own joke; Erin and Holtzmann just stared awkwardly at him and then shared a look before Holtzmann shrugged out of her leather jacket and slid into the booth, opposite Erin.

“Come here often?” Holtz winked at her, and Erin fought the blush that stained her cheeks as she redirected her attention to the waiter. The blonde ordered a soda, and Erin another water with lemon on the side.

“And do you both know what you want to eat?” he asked before he would go to put in their drink orders.

“Mmm, not yet, but if she does then go ahead,” Holtz directed at Erin and glanced down at the menu, unhooking her odd, yellow glasses from one ear and letting them dangle from the other. Erin stared for a moment before the waiter cleared his throat, and she blinked back down at the menu, now most definitely blushing.

“Oh, yes--I’ll have the grilled chicken caesar salad, but I want the sauce and chicken on the side and your club sandwich with the bread toasted, but the crusts cut off--and if they can, have the chef cut the crusts off before they toast the bread because then they slice neater--” at this point she didn’t notice Holtzmann’s head come up from her own menu, eyebrow quirking up higher and higher with every odd piece of the woman’s order.

The waiter was jotting everything down however and did a much better job at disguising his mirth at the order.

“Is that all?” he asked, Holtzmann picked up the slight sarcasm in his tone.

“Actually, that sounds good, I’ll have the same--but without the salad,” Holtz winked at Erin, who stared back, lost.

“So, just the grilled club for you, then?” he asked Holtzmann.

“Yes, but I want the lettuce on the side ,” Holtz chortled, and the waiter smirked, rolling his eyes.

“You got it.”

He walked away. Erin felt her face grow hot in shame, and she looked down at the hands in her lap and twisted her napkin, suddenly uncomfortable. Holtzmann noticed Erin grow still and quiet and frowned.

“Hey… you ok?” she asked.

She’s making fun of you…  Erin’s thoughts provoked her anxiety, prodding at her insecurities with a red-hot poker. This was a horrible idea--you try to make nice, and people just laugh at you and your weirdness… You’re such a fool, Gilbert…

“Erin,” Holtzmann reached out and attempted to still Erin’s fumbling hands, but Erin jerked from the blonde’s touch. “Erin, is there something the matter?”

Erin sniffled, bangs hiding her eyes.

“I-I’ll pay for your meal, but I think I’d like to go home,” Erin choked out. Holtzmann could hear the quiver in her voice and instantly knew that she’d overstepped.

“Hey--Gilbert, look at me,” Holtzmann felt uncomfortable; she never did well with crying, and she wasn’t good at comforting anyone. Erin shook her head.

“Erin, c’mon, don’t cry--I just got here, we can sit and talk about this, right? Isn’t that why you invited me out?“

Erin looked up, tears just hardly noticeable, but the anger was.

“I invited you out to apologize .” She straightened her shoulders, trying to not let the woman see how much the ill-timed joke affected her. “But it seems that you and Abby both don’t want to forgive me, just make me out to be the bad guy instead--it’s easier I guess, I never really was cut out to have friends, I suppose--”

“Whoa, slow your roll there, Gilbert--look, calm down, okay? Nobody is making fun of you, I don’t think you’re a bad guy--I just,” Holtzmann winced and tugged at her ear, a habit Erin noticed she did quite a bit when she was uncomfortable.

Good , Erin’s psyche taunted. Let her be .

Erin shook her head of those dark thoughts. She knew that continuing this little tit-for-tat, back and forth, what have you, was going to get them nowhere; she was stung, yes, but lashing out was exactly what led them to this in the first place. With this in mind, Erin let out a breath and counted to five in her head--a calming exercise that her therapist from her childhood had taught her, to stave off oncoming anxiety attacks--and then reopened her eyes. Holtzmann was still seated across from her, now looking clearly uncomfortable, and their drinks had arrived. Holtzmann’s eyes were bouncing all over the restaurant and nowhere directly near Erin.

“I’m sorry,” Erin finally said. Holtzmann stilled.

A breath. Two simple words, and the ease between them slowly came back. Holtzmann’s eyes met Erin’s across the table.

“I’m sorry,” Erin repeated. “I just--I don’t do well with new people--and we’ve got off on the wrong foot, over and over it seems, but… I have to live with you, and you with me. I just--I don’t want this to be uncomfortable.”

Holtzmann stared at Erin, unblinkingly. Erin felt her heart rate try to increase, but she continued to wait for Holtzmann to say something, anything.

“Here we go,” the waiter returned with their orders and managed to break the tension in the air. “Two clubs, one with lettuce on the side, one with the crusts cut, and a Caesar with dressing and chicken on the side. Anything else I can get for you ladies?”

“Good sir,” Holtz began, “would you mind telling me how often you have to take down special orders?”

He hesitated, casting his eyes up and to the side. His lips moved as he counted. “All the time,” he finally replied.

Holtz winked at Erin. “And did my friend’s request bother the chef at all?”

“No. Believe it or not, that’s not the weirdest thing someone’s ordered here.”

“What was?” Holtz leaned forward, her eyes wide and curious.

“A cheeseburger without the cheese. A customer was convinced that a hamburger would taste different, so he paid the extra two dollars for the cheeseburger, without the cheese.”

“Thank you, good sir. I think we’re good for now.”

He dipped his head and walked away, leaving Erin speechless. She stared down at her plate for a moment before redirecting her attention toward Holtz.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“No, but I’d feel like a real butthole if I didn’t. I get it, okay? You think people don’t make jokes about me and my specialness ?” Holtz grinned, despite there being some pain in her voice on the last word. “Comes with the territory of being brilliant, I suppose.”

“People used to call me Ghost-Girl.”

“The least offensive nickname I ever got called was Ghost-Tits in middle school, I’ll leave it at that,” Holtzmann winked.

Erin managed a smile. Maybe she had more in common with the wild-haired engineer than she thought. The rest of her apology dinner went well--even when she had a very particular order for dessert.

TBC...

Chapter Text

“Erin!”

Erin glanced up from what seemed to be a mountain of paperwork--really, it was just the midterm study guides--she was making way with ensuring she had enough for her students.

“Phil, come in,” Erin offered, despite that the man in question had already barged into her office without knocking.

“Where were you last night?” he asked.

“What?”

“Last night? You were supposed to meet me for drinks with Phyllis Adler!” Phil’s voice grated on her nerves, and he reminded her a good deal of a toddler having a temper tantrum, not a man with a Ph.D. “Did you forget?”

“Oh,” Erin sucked in a wince, reaching over to check the calendar on her computer. “I’m so sorry--I had a thing with my roommate.”

“Your... roommate?”

“Yes, my roommate--you know? The woman who moved in with me last week? I took her out to apologize for our rough start--” Phil chuckled, without humor.

“So, you’re telling me you forgot about your date with your boyfriend , who just happened to get us both a meeting with a renowned astrophysicist who could have been a major backer for your latest publication, not to mention your tenure review case! A review from her would have sealed the deal for you, immediately!”

“I don’t want to be someone’s deal to seal, ” Erin made awkward finger quotes at the man who was staring at Erin like she’d somehow broken the known laws of physics. “I want to be given tenure because I’ve earned it the proper way, not by kissing someone’s ass.”

“Erin, what has gotten into you lately? You rarely participate in any of our outings and you seem to have just completely lost track of what’s important to you--”

“No, I haven’t Phil, I just haven’t been constantly following your ten-step guide to earning something that I can very well do without your interference,” Erin stood from her chair, growing hotter by the minute. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a class to teach.”

“Erin, sweetheart, can we please talk about this?” Phil followed as Erin grabbed the large stack of papers and headed out of her office with them.

“Not now,” Erin left him in the hallway, making her way to class and trying not to let her anger swallow her whole.

---

“Can you believe him?” Erin stalked the living room, careful not to step on any of Holtz’s children, all of which scuttled around. While she kept a wary distance from Ada, the other three seemed nice enough.

“I’m going to give you the same advice I give every woman with a boyfriend.” Holtz smiled. “Dump him.”

“I--What? That’s your advice?”

“Well, yeah. If he’s not making you happy, why do you keep him around?” Holtz shrugged.

“Because…” Erin fell silent as Émilie’s ball bumped into her foot. She had an answer, at one point or another. He supported her, when it suited him. He wanted her to succeed, as long as she listened to his advice. He was moderately handsome, if she squinted. She knew she was being hard on him, but being nice was a bit too difficult at the moment.

“Life’s too short, mon ami. Gotta get that happiness.” Holtz clenched a hand. “Get it. Get it good.”

“I’ll think about it.” Erin plopped down, not even flinching as one of the rodents scurried across her lap. She dug into her pocket, where she knew she had the remnants of a half-eaten granola bar. Phil had interrupted her snack, as well as her preparation, so the bar had gotten shoved aside in her rush. Now, she broke off small pieces to hand to Holtz’s children.

Erin allowed a small giggle to bubble up as she noticed Lise--or was it Rosalind--scurry over to Erin as it noticed her treating the one in her lap.

“Rosalind, you don’t need that, you’re on a low-sugar diet,” Holtz confirmed for her, so the one currently in her lap was Lise. The speckled chinchilla ignored her mother however and still sniffed and waited for Erin to share.

“I don’t know how you remember their names--I’m so bad at this pet thing,” Erin smiled, allowing Lise to finish nibbling up some of her granola. She split a bit of it and eyed Holtzmann who shrugged as Ada crawled around her collar, before handing it over to Rosalind who snatched it up and ate it quickly.

“I’m a horrible mother, I swear that one is gonna have diabetes before she’s two,” Holtzmann shook her head, reaching for Ada and stroking the black Chinchilla’s coat.

“Can chinchillas really get diabetes?” Erin pondered aloud.

“Yeah, it’s a thing all right, but I just give Rosalind a hard time because she usually tries to steal the others’ treats when I’m not looking, I once found her in my bag when I got home, no idea how I missed it, but I’d been at work and she hate half of my apple and half a donut before I realized she was even in there,” Erin’s eyes widened at the story, then turned back to the speckled rodent on her floor, still sniffling around Erin’s hand for granola that was now gone.

“But seriously,” Holtzmann’s tone took a turn. “You shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t make you happy.”

Erin pulled Lise up to stroke at her soft gray fur, thinking to herself.

“He doesn’t make me unhappy --” Erin mumbled, more to herself and to Lise than to anyone else.

---

“Abby?” Erin called out into the lab over the sound of the whirring machines and computers.

“Took you long enough!” Abby called back from seemingly out of nowhere.

“Huh?”

“Did you bring me more than one wonton?! Because I swear to Darwin, Benny, I’ll--”

“Abby, it’s me!” Abby stepped out from behind a waxy orange curtain and stopped; Erin paused as well, noticing the odd contraption on her friends’ head.

“Oh, I thought you were the delivery guy.”

Erin shrugged. “Well, I’m not, so--are you busy?”

“Slumming it I see?” Abby asked, not unkindly, but genuinely curious.

“I just--I wanted to talk to you about something,” Erin shuffled from one foot to the other. Abby unclasped the contraption off of her head and set it down, gently, on a lab table.

“Shoot.”

“I just…” Erin reached to fiddle with something, only to have Abby screech at her. She withdrew her hand as Abby told her how explosive the object was. She flushed and settled on a seat to avoid touching anything else dangerous. “I’ve got a lot on my mind right now.”

“Like…?”

“Do you think I should break up with Phil?”

“Um, I think you never should have dated him in the first place.”

“Oh. Great.”

“Yup.”

“Yup.”

“That all?”

Erin shook her head slowly. “I’m having a little--just a really tiny--minuscule really identity crisis.”

Abby chuckled. “Erin, I’ve known you since we were little kids. I know you like the ladies.”

“I...I don’t know--what…” Erin sighed. “How did you know?”

“ Oh, Mrs. Armistead is just so nice and pretty ,” Abby said in a poor imitation of a young Erin. “It was painfully obvious to everyone. Everyone but you, I guess.”

“This isn’t funny, Abby.”

“I know.”

“I just… I thought for so long…” Erin ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know. I just don’t think Phil is what or who I want anymore.”

“Well, there’s nothing binding you to him, so cut the ties.” Abby made a motion with her hand for scissors but did it in an inappropriate area.

“Abby!” Erin rolled her eyes and Abby cackled.

---

Erin came home almost immediately after having left Abby’s lab, not in the mood to return to work and tackle any further paperwork tonight. She’d just have to work through lunch on Monday, or simply get some done in her office tomorrow.

When she came in however, a loud, boisterous laugh that most definitely wasn’t her roommates, caught her attention.

“Girl, no freakin’ way! That guy is TOTALLY gonna die!” Erin entered her living area to see Holtzmann sprawled out on the couch with another woman, a very tall, dark and beautiful woman at that, both of them laughing and watching some sort of horror film on the flatscreen.

“Get it! Get it! There’s the money shot!” Holtzmann’s laughter rang out through the living room, and Erin cleared her throat, uncomfortably. Holtzmann smiled over at Erin.

“Oh, hey, E.G.! Sorry, we’ll keep it down if you need to work?”

“Fine. It’s.. You’re fine--who is this?” Erin asked, nodding at the dark woman who was hardly able to tear her eyes from the TV.

“Oh this? Where are my manners. Pattycakes!” Holtzmann reached over and paused the film.

“Yo! Girl, he was just about to get a hammer to the skull, what gives?”

“Pattycakes, meet Erin, my adorable roommate. Erin, this is Pattycakes, my lovely best friend.”

“Yo, I told you to stop callin’ me that, boo… Just Patty, and it’s nice to meet you, Erin,” Patty stated in a pleasant greeting. “You’re brave, takin’ this nutball under your roof, lemme tell ya, girl is cuh- razy .”

Erin nodded, stiffly. Patty restarted the movie, and Holtzmann’s eyes followed Erin’s rigid posture to the kitchen.

Erin wasn’t sure why she suddenly felt so out of place in her own home. It wasn’t right of her to deny that Holtzmann paid her share of the rent and could have friends over--but she couldn’t help the slight sting of hurt that sat in her stomach. But why? She still couldn’t figure that part out.

“Erin?” The physicist turned, startled. Holtz offered her a lazy smile. “Sorry. I probably should have let you know I was having Patty over. If it bothers you, I can have her go. Seriously. We’re almost done with the movie.”

“No, she’s fine. You’re fine. I’ll just--I’ll be in my room, if you need me.”

“Join us?”

“I… I don’t know how I feel about horror movies.”

“C’mon,” Holtz coaxed. “It’s almost over, and then we could watch something else. What kind of movies are you into?”

“Documentaries, mostly.”

“You and Patty are going to get along so hard.” Holtz extended her hand. “So?”

Erin sighed. “I want to make a cup of tea, but then I’ll think about joining you. Okay?”

“Okay.”

When Holtzmann left her to her business, Erin leaned against the counter and tried to calm the beating of her heart. This was ridiculous, in so many ways. Holtz was so not what she was used to, which was part of the allure. Still, she could not have romantic feelings for her odd roommate, especially given the circumstances.

Erin made her tea with that in mind and listened in on Holtzmann’s and Patty’s laughter as they finished watching the movie before slipping past the living area and down the hall to her room.

---

Erin decided to forego the awkwardness and slipped into a bubble bath to try and calm her nerves instead. After relaxing for at least an hour, she wrapped herself up in a towel and got out of the tub, sighing as she stepped out of the steamy room and into the room temperature hallway, goosebumps rising on her warm, damp skin. The living room was no longer jostling with laughter from her roommate or her friend and she assumed they must have left.

She made for her room when something came into contact with her foot and let out a wailing squeak. She shrieked, falling back as she realized she’d stepped on one of the chinchillas--Ada.

“Erin?!” Holtzmann immediately came into view down the hall just as Erin fell backwards and scrambled to cover herself, hair dripping as she frantically searched for the whimpering animal.

“Ada!” Holtzmann’s attention was diverted indirectly as she reached for the black ball of fur that was letting out cries. “Oh no, shh, Mama's here--no, it’s okay.”

Erin felt shame bubble up in her gut at the sound of the distressed rodent, but she shoved her upset aside.

“Is she okay? I didn’t even see her--Holtz, I’m sorry,” Holtzmann cooed pulling Ada close to her chest.

“She's okay, I--holy shit,” Holtzmann paused, realizing just now Erin’s state of undress, and stared, unabashedly, at the redhead.

Erin felt her entire body tingle and blaze with heat at the look of raw desire she could see clearly in Holtzmann’s blue orbs as the worry fled from them. But, Erin’s attention was rapidly diverted to Ada, who was still whimpering in Holtzmann’s hands.

“Holtz--” Erin blushed, nodding toward Ada. Holtz blinked, dumbstruck.

“Huh?”

“Is she alright? Should we call a doctor? Or her vet?”

Holtzmann blinked again and then shook her head, snapping out of her daze. Erin felt her heart still pounding loudly in her ears and fumbled to straighten up without letting her towel fall astray.

“No, she’s just really spooked, I don’t think she’s hurt, or that anything is broken.” Holtzmann sighed in relief. “I’m gonna have to really fix that lock on her door. I’m sorry Erin, I promised you when we moved in this wouldn’t be an issue but--”

“It’s fine--really,” Erin from two weeks ago would certainly think it was not okay, but now she merely scooted back, trying to pull her knees up behind her to gain some footing. Holtzmann scrambled up and placed Ada in her shirt pocket before reaching down with her hands to help Erin up.

The physicist accepted it, and as the blonde pulled her up, Erin's foot hit a wet spot on the tile, causing her to fly forward. Holtz stumbled back, keeping them upright, but now Erin’s face was in Holtzmann’s collar. She caught an intense scent of burning metal, something Earthy and musky cologne that created a heady mix, dizzying Erin’s senses.

“You know, if you wanted a hug, EG, you only need ask.” Holtzmann smirked. Erin flushed scarlet, her neck and ears burning, and she jumped back, releasing Holtzmann, and also something else in the process.

Holtzmann’s eyes bulged behind her yellow lenses, and Erin froze, completely mortified at being naked--both literally and emotionally. The towel hit the floor, and the silence was stark enough that the flutter of the cloth on the way down could be heard. After a moment, Erin threw one arm over her breasts and a hand over her groin.

“Oh my God.”

Holtz stared, slack-jawed, eyes darkening.

Erin felt a full-body blush overtaking her. She bent quickly for the towel, which she wrapped quickly and awkwardly around her torso. Not able to utter but a few half-hearted syllables, Erin fled to her room to put on her pajamas. While she had previously planned on talking to Holtz before bed, she wanted nothing more that evening than to curl up under her covers and pretend that she didn’t exist. Her horror was total and complete.

A knock sounded on her door, and she rather pathetically called, “What is it, Holtz?”

“Can I come in?”

“I’m dressed now,  if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Good, good.” Holtzmann pushed the door and stepped inside, Erin's eyes nearly came out of her head. She was completely naked. “I thought this would even the playing field.”

Erin sputtered and threw her abandoned towel at Holtzmann’s head. “What are you doing? That’s completely inappropriate! Holtzmann!”

The engineer grinned. “Bet you’re not so embarrassed now, are you?”

“Get out of here! And put your clothes back on!”

“As you wish, my lady.” Holtz laughed, dipping her head and exited, leaving Erin with some very interesting thoughts--and images--to deal with before bed.

She curled up under the covers and tried not to think about her roommate’s lean body and well-toned arms. The younger woman looked as though she was used to working hard, and Erin was hard pressed to remember even a single flaw--although she was certain there had to be some. Nobody was perfect, but she bet Holtzmann was fairly close.

TBC...

Chapter Text

“Please tell me you’re dressed.” Erin covered her eyes with one hand as she entered the kitchen on Saturday morning to the smell of something sweet and delectable cooking on the stove.

“Unfortunately, am I right?”

Erin was about to ask if Holtz had any shame and then realized with whom she was speaking. “So, Ada’s really okay, right?”

“She’s okay, totally milking it though and making the others surrender their treats--the little minx.” Holtzmann chuckled as she poured coffee into a mug for herself and for Erin. “Sugar?”

“Huh?” Erin blushed.

“In your coffee?” Holtzmann winked. “But I don’t mind calling you that if you want.”

“Please don’t, and yes, three sugars, thanks,” Erin shook her head, sitting at the breakfast nook and watching Holtzmann work her way around the kitchen like she’d been living there longer than just a couple of weeks.

“You’re very beautiful,” Holtzmann blurted out as she handed Erin her coffee, and Erin nearly dropped the mug on its way to her lips.

“I...wha--” Erin wondered if it was possible to die of an aneurysm from blushing too hard.

“Sorry--I tend to have a hard time with filtering--it’s an autistic thing.” Holtzmann tugged at her ear and then looked up at Erin’s eyes. “I wanted you to know--I wasn’t staring at you to make you uncomfortable. I like to look at beautiful things, and I wanted you to know. And yeah, you’re very beautiful.”

Erin just gaped at the blonde, speechless, and Holtzmann didn’t mind; she simply turned back to the stove to continue cooking flapjacks. Just like that, Erin realized, she didn’t need to say anything, that was something else she found she admired about Holtzmann--the woman literally just said whatever was on her mind and then… nothing else mattered. Not really.

She thinks I’m beautiful… Erin blushed again and sipped at her coffee, humming in approval at the strong taste of Colombian beans.

“So, I have to go to the lab and work on some stuff for the class I’m in charge of at the Institute with Abby, part of my doctoral fun.” Holtzmann rolled her eyes as she placed a plate of scrambled eggs, two flapjacks and a thick sausage link in front of Erin.

“I don’t miss those days,” Erin agreed, and Holtzmann grinned, squirting a healthy dose of ketchup on her plate with her eggs and sausage and then passing the condiment to Erin who only looked on at the massive enigma of Holtzmann’s breakfast that she’d just ruined to mush on her plate. She shook her head.

“Y’know, I don’t mind teaching so much, but I really hate grading papers and finding kids who I know are smart, writing some of the dumbest things--like, you’re in college , why don’t you know this? You’re wasting your money--”

“Most likely their parents,” Erin cut in, taking a bite of her flapjack and practically moaning.

“Or scholarships, but still, so much potential just wasted, they don’t apply themselves--granted, they’re undergrads, but still--I was so grateful to get into M.I.T.--”

“You went to M.I.T.?” Erin coughed on her eggs. She quickly grabbed for her coffee to wash them down.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, didn’t Abby tell you about me? I actually got accepted into CERN--”

“ What? ” Erin’s jaw fell open. CERN.

The European Organization for Nuclear Research.

In Switzerland.

“Why are you in New York? You didn’t refuse them, did you?” Erin was about to take back every nice thing she’d ever thought about Holtzmann if that was the case-- CERN, that had been an opportunity of a lifetime!

“No, no. I accepted, but there was a lab incident--they revoked the invitation after that.” Holtzmann bit into her sausage, and once again, Erin was left speechless by the engineer who simply shrugged off something as incredible as CERN…

Or being butt-naked in front of you …

Stop that. Erin shook her head.

“I’m--I’m sorry to hear that.” Erin frowned.

Holtz shrugged. “Shit happens. My mentor still thinks that they made a huge mistake by turning me down for it, but , now I’m well on my way to getting my Doctorates and then--the world shall be my oyster!” Holtz grinned, throwing both hands up in the air and accidentally flinging egg behind her at the wall.

“I’ll clean that up.” Holtzmann grimaced, but Erin couldn’t help the snort of laughter that escaped her. She only cracked herself up harder by the sound, until it had turned into a full-bellied laugh, falling back into her chair and just letting it go. Holtzmann watched her with a fond smile.

---

Erin finished washing up after breakfast, minus the eggs that she definitely made Holtzmann clean up, and after Holtz left, she turned on a bit of music and decided to get some cleaning done around the apartment.

She had just finished polishing the hardwood in the living room when the knocking distracted her from her next task.

“Holtz? Did you forget your key again?” Erin chuckled, turned the music down, and opened the door, not expecting to come face-to-face with Phil.

“Phil.”

“Erin, what’s with you? You haven’t answered my calls?” Phil asked, stepping into the apartment.

“Do come right in,” Erin muttered under her breath, shutting the door behind him.

“I don’t get it, Erin. Are you trying to tell me something here? Because I may have a PhD, but I’m not a mind reader, and if you’re seeing someone else--”

“Whoa, wait, what?” Erin implored.

“C’mon Erin, I mean--there has to be somebody else?” Phil queried with a look that said really?

“No, there is no one else , and frankly, I don’t even know what in the Hell you’re getting at. I was just here cleaning my apartment, and you show up like a madman because I haven’t been answering my phone? Did someone die?”

“No, but it’s like you have absolutely no time for us anymore, and you’re constantly backing out of our appointments. I cannot even remember the last time we--you know.”

“Phil, we aren’t really a couple.” Erin sighed, hating to break it to him like this. She would’ve preferred to do this over brunch or something a little more pleasant. “And I cannot even remember the last time we were.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Phil squalled.

“Yes,” Erin said simply.

“So--just like that? It’s over? Really?” Phil grew agitated with each word. “Three months that I’ll never get back I suppose.” His tone went cold. “I should have known. Everybody warned me not to get involved with you, Erin. Did you know that? The whole department thinks you’re crazy.”

Erin felt ice run through her veins and her stomach drop to her feet as he began taunting her insecurities.

“Dr. Roberts did some research on you once and came up with an old newspaper article about you from your hometown--” Erin’s body betrayed her as heart rate picked up and her body stiffened.

She knew of the article--she didn’t think that it could ever come back to haunt her; she and her parents had paid thousands to get it erased off of the face of the Earth.

“Guess the rumors are true--how’d you even get your Ph.D. with a mind as crazy as yours, Ghost-Girl ?”

“That’s enough.”

The fog cleared slightly from Erin’s vision as she heard Holtzmann’s voice behind her, and Phil’s hardened, steely gaze broke from Erin to something behind her.

“Stay out of this--how’d you even get in here?”

“I live here, and as someone who actually pays half of the rent, I’m asking you nicely, just this once, to leave,” Holtzmann seethed, coming up behind Erin, who could feel her warmth.

“Ohh, this is just too good--you’re in love with her, aren’t you?” to whom Phil directed this question, Erin had no idea, because her heart was beginning to thud heavily in her chest. The sound of blood rushed through her ears, and her world grew smaller.

“I won’t say it nicely again: get out.” Holtzmann’s voice grew deeper, protective, and she came to stand beside Erin, placing a comforting arm around her waist that Erin sagged into.

“Whatever. I’m through with her anyway,” Phil snarled and made his way for the exit. Holtzmann however, had different plans.

Erin’s last coherent memory was the sound of someone yelling loudly and then the floor coming up to meet her.

---

When Erin woke, it was dark outside, and she was in her room under the covers. She had no idea what time it was, but she knew she most definitely needed to relieve her bladder.

She sat up, moving slowly as her head felt fuzzy, and made her way out of the bedroom into the dimly lit hall.

There were soft strains of 80’s ballads playing and the smell of something amazing in the air, telling her that Holtzmann was still awake. She made her way into the bathroom first to get a look at herself in the mirror and to take care of her body’s needs.

When she finished up, she headed for the kitchen where Holtzmann was, sure enough, dancing along to the music on her phone that was playing at a low enough volume to still be heard over the sound of her chopping up vegetables.

Erin cleared her throat, not knowing precisely what to say. She wanted to know what had happened, but another, louder part of her didn’t care to recall any part of Phil’s visit. Holtz turned with a smirk, revealing both a split lower lip and dusky bruising around one eye. Erin took a half-step forward, lifting a hand.

“Holtz, you’re hurt.”

“You should see the other guy.”

“Phil? What happened? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

“Yes. Many things. No.”

Erin moved a bit closer. “That middle answer might need a bit more clarification. I think I might have hit my head.”

“You fainted, a bit after Phil made a total and complete butthole out of himself. You did knock your noggin a bit, but I needed you to wake up before I could deduce if there was damage. But look at you! Walking around, talking without slurring--you seem to be in tip-top shape.” Holtz held up three fingers. “Just to be sure, though, how many fingers am I holding up?”

“Three. Holtzmann, this is serious. I need you to tell me what happened.”

“You fainted. Phil and I exchanged ideas. He left.”

“Holtz…”

“He’s not coming back. He promised very nicely not to bother you again.” Holtzmann set her knife down and faced Erin more fully. “I know you can take care of yourself, so I hope you don’t mind I stepped in.”

“No. I just--You’re not allowed to make me worry.”

Holtz closed the short distance between them and took Erin’s hands. “Sorry. Kinda comes with the territory of being my friend.”

The word ‘ friend ’ didn’t sound right. Erin hesitated. “About what he said…”

“Erin. He said a lot of dumb shit, okay?”

Erin still couldn’t fight the shame that bled through her cheeks in a satin-y hue and made tears spring to her eyes.

“I--”

“Hey, none of that, c’mon, I’m fine, see?” Holtz took Erin’s hand and gently cradled her own cheek with it. Erin, in the meantime, was caught off guard by the baby-soft skin beneath her fingers as Holtzmann’s hand led her own to the bruised cheek in front of her.

It only took a moment for Holtzmann’s hand to no longer be the reason her own appendage stayed. Her thumb brushed the underside of Holtzmann’s blackening eye and caressed the angry discoloration.

Her heart rate sped up, this time not out of anxiety or fear, but something... else . Erin’s eyes lowered to the split in the woman’s conch-shell pink lips. She wasn’t certain if Holtz did it on purpose, but Erin’s attention on her mouth seemed to cause the engineer to suck in the cut lip between her teeth; Erin wanted to suddenly know what it tasted like.

“You can kiss me--if you want to.” Holtzmann seemed to read her mind. Erin blinked, and just like that, the consequences of her actions settled into a brief state of shock, then panic. Her eyes widened, and she let go of Holtzmann’s face and swallowed thickly past the knot that seemed to make her throat feel tighter.

She felt herself grow easily aroused by the look that Holtzmann gave her from those baby blues, and she knew she had to get away.

“Erin,” Holtzmann breathed, and all at once, Erin felt as though she’d eaten a little too much ice cream far too quickly: her brain froze.

She fled.

---

“You did what ?” Abby straightened up after having a laughing fit over the news of the Holtzmann-Phil altercation for a solid seven minutes. She was so red in the face Erin was almost certain she might have to deliver CPR, but the giggles vanished just as quickly when she brought up the near-kiss that Erin fled from the night prior.

Holtzmann had not attempted to follow her to her roo, or even knock or call after her--goodness only knew what that did to Erin’s anxiety levels as she spent the rest of the evening tossing and turning, going over the scenarios in her head, replaying the scene where she nearly kissed Holtzmann.

Ugh, she grimaced. Stupid, stupid, stupid…

“Earth to Erin. Get your head outta your ass--where’s Holtzmann at?” Abby snapped her fingers get Erin’s attention.

“Hmm? Oh, she wasn’t home this morning--probably somewhere avoiding me or...well, working.”

“Erin, I love you, but I gotta tell you something really important that you might not like. Listen up because I’ll only say this once. Holtzmann is a real person, with real person emotions. I know that sometimes it’s so very hard to step out of your little bubble, but as much as you’re going through right now, she’s going through just as much. Erin, she punched out the spawn of--”

“I know that! I didn’t ask her to.”

“Well, she did it, and all to protect you.”

“I just don’t know how to feel. This isn’t exactly something I normally deal with, Abby. And what happens if we have a falling out? She’s locked into this lease with me. Things could get so awkward…”

“More awkward than they are now.” Abby stared at her until she shifted back and ducked her head.

“No, I guess not.”

“Get your act together, Gilbert, and quick. Holtz is a catch, and so are you. Together, you’ll be pretty much sickening.” Abby shooed Erin to the door. “Now, go on. I have work to do.”

Erin loitered in the lab for a few more minutes, idly hoping she could waste away her life without having to face her problems. Unfortunately, her phone had other plans for her; a text message buzzed in her pocket.

Holtzmann[1:14pm]: E.G. Chinchilla SOS.

Her eyes widened.

Erin[1:14pm]: What happened?

Holtzmann[1:15pm]: NO TIME. JUST COME.

---

Erin sprinted into the apartment, wheezing as she skidded to a halt and stared around the room. “Holtzmann?”

After a moment of silence, Erin detected the sound of tiny Hotwheels wheels scooting toward her. She bent low and picked up Émilie’s device. Taped to the front was a small note in Holtz’s child-like handwriting.

E,

My room.

--H .

Erin carried Émilie’s car and the note to Holtzmann’s room, carefully stepping inside, curious. She saw the double-glass doors that led onto the balcony were open, and a cool breeze floated in.

“Holtz?” Erin set the toy car down and barely noticed the several pairs of beady eyes that followed her from the floor out onto the balcony where Holtzmann was waiting, gazing out into the West End of Central Park.

Erin, too, had a balcony view--but she’d never been fond of heights and so her doors normally remained closed. However, Holtzmann had put together quite the setup on her own balcony: Christmas lights twinkled from their position wrapped around the banister, despite the fact that it was October, and there was a fold-up table with a single sunflower laid out on the white tablecloth.

Holtzmann heard Erin approach and turned her head, gazing at Erin fondly. She turned to pick up the sunflower and twisted the stem, albeit nervously, in her hands.

“Please. Don’t be mad.”

Erin blinked.

“What--Holtz? You implied there was an emergency… What’s happened?”

“I--I’m not good at this, Erin--so, please, let me try.” Holtzmann cleared her throat. “For my sister, letters on the page sort of jumble all around. If they would just line up, she could make sense of them--but they won’t. So, I invented something to help her. But there’s--there’s nothing that can help me. There’s no word for when you can’t decipher your emotions because they’re always jumbled and moving--no emolexia. That just sounds like a depressed high school student’s dictionary…”

“Holtz?”

“Oh. Right. What I mean to say, is it takes me three times as long as other people to figure out what I’m feeling,” Holtzmann took a deep breath in and handed Erin the large flower. “Sunflowers mean happiness--which is what I feel whenever you’re around. And adoration--which is what I feel every time you smile or wrinkle your nose trying to figure out a complicated equation that your students got something wrong on a test. I--I adore you, Erin and I really didn’t want to wait another minute without telling you how I felt and email just seemed inappropriate.”

Erin accepted the flower, bamboozled at the sheer absurd and unique yet beautiful facet that was Holtzmann used to try to tell her how she felt.

Holtzmann looked from Erin, to the balcony view, to Erin’s shoes and back to Erin’s face, not quite able to remain still.

“Please say something? Even if it’s not good--I can handle it, I promise.“

Erin stepped closer to the blonde. Abby’s voice rang in her head, remind her that she better not screw this up. Leave it to Abby to push her beyond her comfort zone. Yet, each time she listened to Abby, something wonderful happened. Well, there was once when Abby convinced her to climb a tree, and she fell out and broke her wrist. That wasn’t exactly wonderful. But Abby meant well, and she trusted Abby, almost more than she trusted herself.

And right now, she wasn’t sure what ‘herself’ wanted or was doing. So, she defaulted to Abby.

“Holtzmann. Jillian--is that okay right now?--this isn’t exactly easy for me, either. Up until last night, I was sort of seeing someone. But even sort of seeing him didn’t feel half as right as having you around. Even with your rats.”

“Chinchillas.”

“I know. Somehow, you’ve made me love them, and I hate pets.”

“They have that effect on people.”

Erin stood a little straighter. “You have that effect on people. You just swoop in and change everything, and I was afraid it was all going to be bad--but it’s all so good? It’s a lot for me to process. I liked how my life was before. It made sense. I thought that nonsense would directly translate into bad--but it doesn’t. It’s actually--lovely.”

“Lovely?”

“Yes. Jill, living with you is lovely.”

“Living with me.” Holtzmann sighed and nodded. “I can work with that. I’ll do my best not to make you uncomfortable--”

“I said this wasn’t easy,” Erin interjected. “So, I’m sorry that I dance around what I mean to say. Ugh. I thought defending my thesis was difficult.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to. I don’t know what the Hell I feel for you, but I do know that we passed friendship a long time ago.”

“Ooh, Dr. Gilbert, you cursed.”

Erin rolled her eyes. “Holtzmann.”

“Sorry! Defense mechanism.”

“I know the feeling.”

“Would you… maybe want to go on a date? With me?”

Erin smiled. “I think that would be just lovely.”

In a move that neither Holtzmann or Erin expected, the physicist closed the gap between them and pressed a gentle kiss to the non-bruised side of Holtzmann’s mouth. The engineer’s sharp intake of breath nearly made Erin lose all of her senses, but she remained collected and pulled back slowly, with a smile.

“Pick me up at 8?”

Holtzmann beamed.

xFINx