Work Text:
Seoul, October 4, 2023
Dear stranger:
I chose a mailbox at random to send this letter, as Jiwon recommended, or rather, as she'd been insisting all week. She said that instead of blurting out my thoughts to every person I met, I should do it in writing. She advised me not to keep a diary, but rather write a letter, since that way I'd know someone would read it. And I listened to her, because after she'd pestered me about it for days, I decided to do something right for once in my life and pick up a piece of paper to tell my story.
It's been a while since I've had a real friend aside from her. About four years ago, since my "best friends" found out my husband had two other women besides me. At first, they supported me and tried to convince me to avoid divorce, but when they saw I prioritized my own well-being over what others thought, when they saw I no longer had a perfect family like theirs, they distanced themselves from me as if I had a contagious disease. They mocked me, laughed in my face, insulted me, and confessed that I hadn't been a good friend after all. Then they isolated me from their group and told everyone, intending to humiliate me and make me look bad in front of as many people as possible.
I distanced myself from everyond. I did it because it was the right thing to do, because if I opened my mouth back then, the expected words wouldn't come out. They still don't. The difference is that I've decided to let it all out, to stop hiding my anger, because it was building up and slowly destroying me. I got tired of being the butt of jokes, the lonely woman, the weird one out. I decided to tell the whole truth, and that's why now they see me as the worst, when their words were much more hurtful than mine are now.
People crave honesty because they're tired of being surrounded by those who always hide something, who keep everything bottled up, but when someone honest comes into their lives, they see them as an enemy for not being afraid to tell them the truth. I won't bother you any longer; I think one letter is enough for everything I needed to get off my chest.
Sincerely, and hoping there will be no response,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 5, 2023
Dear Wonyoung:
Are you Wonyoung? The Wonyoung from Apartment 302? Because if it's you, receiving your letter surprised me. I never thought someone as serious as you could pick up a pen and write down your feelings the way you did. Even if it was your friend who came up with the idea, it seems like when you took the initiative, you knew exactly what you were going to say.
Ignoring the possibility that that person could be you (which is most likely based on the information in your letter) and the fact that I just saw you leaving the supermarket with your usual sour expression, I want to answer your letter because I felt compelled to. I'm not always a bad person, as you can see.
I think the rumor about your ex-husband and his other wives is already pretty widespread. Don't expect any comfort from me, but I can tell you one thing that might offer some solace: I don't hate you for it. It might sound irrelevant, but as far as I know, most people who know your story despise you, since you ended up in an unfaithful and unhappy marriage. But I think that, given my current situation (which is none of your business), I wouldn't have the right to judge you for it.
To conclude this short letter in response to the one you sent me recently, I'm glad you finally let it all out. Although you running your mouth is the main reason I don’t like you, I think if you had never done so, things could have been worse. I'm glad your feelings didn't bottle up and that you finally let out those words that needed to come out.
I hope you are happy as you are now, even if your attitude doesn't make others happy.
Not so sincerely and hoping for a timely response,
Yujin
Seoul, October 6, 2023
Yujin:
I'm still not sure if starting with "dear" is the most appropriate thing to do, because considering how few times we've been able to talk without it turning into one of our frequent, unnecessary arguments, I don't think I have the right to greet you in such a personal way yet. So, for now, I'll just call you Yujin.
I think you already know pretty well who I am. And you know what? Although I actually hoped that no one would reply when I finished my letter, I'm glad you did and didn't show it to the neighbors so they'd have another reason to make my life miserable.
It's clear that my ex is practically the hot topic in the building. Everyone's disgust oozes from every pore, and even though it might seem irrelevant, I'm somehow glad you're not bothering me for the same reason. It's hard to try and forget him when he's constantly brought up every single day, as if rubbing salt in the wound is more entertaining than anything else.
I'm not entirely glad I let it out, but when I did, it was like a weight was lifted, like the psychological damage lessened, like everything went back to normal. But I haven't been the same for a long time, even with everything I've let out.
And I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Maybe it's because I think what I'm sending you isn't related to our usual relationship and will just remain a secret between us.
And although I am not entirely happy and neither are the others, I do not lose hope that that day will come and everything will return to its place.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung.
Seoul, October 7, 2023
Wonyoung:
Do you want me to tell you a story? I don't know why I bother asking, when I know you won't have a chance to reply immediately when I send the letter. I just want you to read this for a second and forget everything else going on around you.
Once upon a time, there was a woman sitting on a park bench. She had gone out with her husband to buy a few things to take home, but he told her to wait for him on the bench and never returned. Hours passed, until the police took her home because her roommates were worried since she hadn't come back after several hours. She returned home and cried for weeks, wondering where that man had gone.
Years passed, and she received no sign of life. After months, her husband's family finally gave up hope and assumed he was dead. But every afternoon, she continued to look out her window, hoping to see that black hair and brown eyes she had missed so much since that day. She was happy, even though it was most likely that her husband would never return, and she would never see his beautiful smile or hear his sweet voice again. She never lost faith.
What I'm trying to say, dear Wonyoung, is that you can be happy if you keep the faith. If you believe you can get over all those people who bother you, who hurt you, if you show strength through your actions and not just your words, you could regain faith, even if it's just in yourself. I'm almost certain you've already lost faith in others, haven't you?
Yujin
Seoul, October 8, 2023
Yujin:
Why all the sudden interest in my happiness? Aren't you the one trying to wipe the smile off my face every day? What are you planning?
Your story really touched me. I even imagined you making one of those videos on social media where they tell inspiring stories to cheer people up. I think you could make one of those and get thousands of likes and comments supporting your idea about happiness. But those things don't work on me, Yujin; they have no effect. Even so, I thank you for trying to lift my spirits and give me a little motivation to be happy, even though you didn't need to make up a story like that to do it.
I don't need stories to have faith in myself. There was a long time when I lost all hope, but I'm not the same person I used to be, and I doubt I'll ever be that girl again. You're right, but I have faith in myself not because I've lost it in others, but because everyone else has lost faith in me. And rumor has it that when no one believes in you anymore, not even yourself, you cease to exist. I don't really believe that, but if that saying is true, I prefer to hold onto a little hope and stay here to achieve all the goals I still haven't accomplished.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung.
Seoul, October 9, 2023
Wonyoung:
I'm going to tell you the truth: I'm not doing this to win your friendship, nor your trust. You could easily believe my words are lies, since I'm one of those people who, as you say, wipes the smile off your face whenever possible. But I'm writing this because I've recognized the pain in your words. I've recognized it because I've felt it before and I feel it now, and if I can help someone with that, even my worst enemy, I will. Because I didn't receive any help, nor do I want it now that it's too late. But perhaps it's not too late for you yet.
The story I've told you is one I've lived through myself. I'm glad you don't need it to maintain your faith, but I didn't come up with it specifically to make you feel better or to give you strength, because although it would be wonderful if it did, that wasn't the purpose. I wrote it so you would know my story, so it could be an exchange, so you wouldn't think you're the only one who needs to vent. A secret exchange, of course. There's no need to change how others see us in the world, nor to change the animosity we had before these letters. Our outward appearance doesn't have to be related to what we say through our writing.
Do you agree with that?
Awaiting a response,
Yujin
Seoul, October 10, 2023
Yujin:
I understand the point of doing all this: many people recognize pain in others after having experienced it themselves. But I don't understand why that should be your reason; however, I won't question it, since this whole letter thing doesn't bother me at all, and your reasons are completely foreign to me.
It's strange that you're the woman behind that story, because I never imagined your life was as imperfect as anyone else's, or that you had to endure the absence of someone who was once a part of your daily life. Now I realize my mistake, and I wonder if everyone who seems to have perfect lives carries a burden in their soul.
We all carry a loss on our shoulders, and it brings me a little more peace to know that we share that loss. That explains why you couldn't hate me or judge me for it, since your situation isn't so different from mine.
Perhaps if we continue this exchange, we'll discover many more things, things we never imagined and never figured out because of appearances. I agree that no one has to know; it will be a small, temporary secret, because at some point, other people will find out— I have no doubt of that.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 11, 2023
Wonyoung:
I knew your promise not to break the routine was kept the moment you insulted me in the lobby yesterday because of the shoulder bump I gave you just to annoy you, and it's reassuring to know that nothing has changed since we started sharing these letters. Everything is exactly the same as before.
Among other things, my best friend has tried to convince me that Yeonjun (the husband I mentioned before) has abandoned me. She sat on the sofa with me, our fingers intertwined, her head bowed, and began her usual slow pacing. She gave me her usual lecture: she said it's been a decade, that faith is useless without proof that he hasn't completely left, and that I should stop waiting for him to come back someday and just give up. She didn't manage to convince me, since I already knew everything she had to say, but her words echoed in my head, and I can't deny they made me doubt a little. What if he really will never come back?
It's not a big deal, but I needed to ask someone who could help me with my situation, and I'm hoping you can give me some good advice. It's what's been bothering me right now, so tell me, Wonyoung:
What is tormenting you today?
Yujin
Seoul, October 11, 2023
Yujin:
I'm surprised by how quickly your letter reached me. I suppose you decided to leave it directly at my apartment door, though at the same time I'd like to think the security guard left it there. I guess it'll remain a mystery.
Nothing's changed, you're right. You deserved that insult, just like everything else I've said to you, and if I haven't swallowed anything in these four years, I'm not going to start now. I'm not going to completely change who I am just because of a few letters that don't have much significance yet. Although, who knows, maybe they will in the future.
I'll ask you the same question: What if he's left you? We shouldn't live on dreams and illusions, and if he hasn't been in touch for so long, I highly doubt he'll come back with good news. If he comes back at all, that is. It's better to lose hope in these kinds of situations, just like I did with my ex.
Today, my family's silence is particularly tormenting. They used to talk to me after the divorce, but in the last few days, I feel like they've turned their backs on me and abandoned me. Sometimes I tend to overthink things, so I don't know if it's real or if my mind is playing tricks on me.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 12, 2023
Wonyoung:
I'm increasingly convinced that you're more confused than I am. How can you tell me to lose hope when you claim you haven't yet? They say hope is the last thing to die, and I haven't lost everything just to lose it now. We all hold onto something, and I'm not going to throw away all these years of waiting because of a tiny doubt. I'm too patient to despair now and lose faith. I don't know anything, and that's why I prefer to remain neutral, but I can't help having questions and wanting quick answers, even though after eight years I know I won't get them anytime soon.
Regarding what's troubling you, I too would be concerned about a silence like the one you describe. It seems like a thoughtful attitude, as if they had a decision to make, even though it's just silly speculation based on those psychology programs on TV.
What if you don't wait for them to reach out? If they only call you for the most basic things, I highly doubt that now that they’re not even doing that, they’re willing to talk about their reasons.
Try asking, and then, act.
Sincerely,
Yujin
---
Seoul, October 12, 2023
Yujin:
I don't think you've got me. The advice I gave you comes from experience, because I know how painful it is to wait for something that might never happen, and to have your hopes dashed without being able to do anything to stop it. Perhaps it's because I've already figured it out and you haven't, but initially I was living in ignorance and blindly trusted my ex before everything happened. You can believe whatever you want; after all, I'm nobody to tell you this, but I advise you not to get your hopes up too high, and maybe you should listen to your friend and forget about him once and for all.
Regarding your recommendation, I can't just ask them. Every time I've tried to talk to them, they've just burst into tears, as if I were a disgrace to them, while saying that nothing was wrong and to ignore it. I gave up trying to talk to my family a long time ago; I preferred to avoid seeing them break down in tears and feeling guilty for reopening old wounds. Now, with this strange silence, I have no doubt they might end up seeing a psychiatrist because of me.
So I've thought it over and decided to take action. I'll find out for myself and pray it's nothing bad. I think it's time to know what's behind that silence.
Awaiting a prompt response,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 13, 2023
Wonyoung:
I heard when the building owner told you to leave the tenants' meeting because of the answer you gave her after you asked her something that is not of interest to me, so I decided to take advantage of the fact that everyone is in the meeting and no one is looking to deliver the letter of the day.
I completely understand what you're trying to say, and I know you're speaking from your own experience, but my situation is a little different from yours. Even if you don't fully understand my reasons for holding onto hope, I'm glad you respect them and aren't judging my position on the matter. It's good to know you're not just full of insults, as you seemed to be all this time.
I think the divorce must have been quite difficult for your family if they're unable to speak to you because of it. I can't imagine what it's like to be ignored like that, but I think there must be a more serious reason, something more painful. Have you considered whether they have any connection to your ex?
It's good that you've decided to investigate, but I think you should resign yourself to the fact that what's happening is bad. I don't think it will be very difficult to find out what's going on with your family; it should be easier than a police investigation, so I'll assume that by the time this letter reaches you, you'll have already figured something out. I just want to warn you that I'm curious and I want to know everything.
Sincerely,
Yujin
---
Seoul, October 13, 2023
Yujin:
Thanks for the unnecessary teasing; I needed it. I don't know how all those people who stay in those meetings can endure so much time without doing anything productive, when after just a few minutes I start to despair and feel like escaping through the window. However, your letter was a pleasant surprise amidst the monotonous silence, and it calmed my potentially rebellious thoughts.
I'm not all insults like you think, or at least I keep my language somewhat in check at home, although I have occasionally been tempted to throw in a few insults in my letters, but I prefer not to mix that up with our daily routine. And also to maintain a bit of seriousness.
The divorce was... complicated. When I handed him the papers after finding out, my ex initially refused to accept it and tried to convince me with ideas that went against my moral values. And although deep down I didn't want to separate, I preferred to let him go for my own good, especially since my world would have turned upside down if I had gone along with his plans. When he finally conceded and left, I cried every night for months, and I couldn't talk to anyone without bursting into tears. I'm still terrified even after two years, and the hopeless romantic inside me still holds onto the hope that he'll come back as my Prince Charming.
Changing the subject slightly, I think I've resigned myself to the fact that what my family is hiding—which I assume is the reason for their silence—isn't good. I still haven't been able to find out much about what's going on or why the last few days have been so strange. For now, all I have are assumptions and nonsensical theories. Let's see if any of them help me figure something out.
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 14, 2023
Wonyoung:
Based on how you describe your experience after the divorce, I'm surprised that when I met you, you weren't sobbing your heart out. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you're a sensitive woman since I haven't seen you cry ever, but I assumed that's how you found release in your silence.
Do you think your family is still in contact with your ex? That's one of my strongest theories based on what you've told me. They might be keeping a secret relationship with him and don't want to tell you. Keep me updated on what you find out.
Sincerely,
Yujin
Seoul, October 14, 2023
Yujin:
I also thought I would cry forever, and if I'm honest, your theory has made me cry again.
Do you know how terrified I am of him coming back? I'm strong, but my heart is fragile, and I've been easily charmed since I was little. Just a few words, however few, could bring me back to him. I might even be capable of giving up everything so we could be together again, even though he's already hurt me enough to have learned my lesson. Do you see how serious this is? I don't want to suffer again, I don't want to feel the pain of a broken heart again, but if that's the reason for the silence, I'm screwed.
We're screwed.
Sincerely, and with a heart about to burst,
Wonyoung
Tokyo, October 15, 2023
Dear Mr. Wen:
First of all, I want to thank you for accepting me into your company and giving me the honor of working there during these years, despite any legal difficulties I may have had in the past.
As I told you a few weeks ago, the British police have declared after five years that on October 20th I will be able to return to my native country, so I have gotten a new job in Seoul as an administrator in a small company located in the city center.
Therefore, after making the legally required decision, I have decided to resign from my current job at your company so that I can leave the city in peace.
Thank you again for accepting me as your employee and for the treatment I have received during these years of work.
Sincerely,
Choi Yeonjun
Tokyo, October 15, 2023
Dear Yujin:
It's been a long time since we last spoke, and I'm excited by the simple fact of doing so, even if it's by letter. But they say that a written message can convey the required information if the right words are used, and although I'm not sure that mine are, I hope you can feel through my words what I feel as I write.
I know you might hate me now, since you haven't seen me all these years and haven't received any explanation from me about my sudden and prolonged disappearance. Furthermore, I haven't been there for you throughout your life, nor have I been able to support you when you needed it most, as a good husband should have. But I hope you can forgive the void I may leave behind. I also hope you'll be willing to see me and accept a hug from me after so many years.
I owe you and my family a lot of explaining, especially since I'm now in London, miles away, and haven't given any clue as to my whereabouts this whole time. Besides, I can't return after so many years without something to justify my absence. But I'd rather do that in person, so I can hear your voices again while I do it. I'm writing this only so I don't suddenly return without you having any idea where I am, because I think you might be angry with me and wouldn't waste a second kicking me out. So I'm letting you know from here in London, miles away, so you know I didn't abandon you, that I've missed you and worried about you as much as you must have worried about me.
The most important thing is that I'll be able to be a part of your lives again, and I hope nothing can ever separate us again. I hope you haven't had to change your address after all these years, and that this envelope doesn't fall into the wrong hands.
With love, always yours,
Yeonjun
Seoul, October 15, 2023
Yujin:
I'm sorry if I seem desperate, but I couldn't wait to receive a response from you after the last letter, as I needed to get this off my chest before I collapse from the shock of what I just discovered: my ex has been in contact with my family.
I didn't manage to find out much, because I heard my mother put the key in the lock, but when I saw my ex's name on her phone screen, I started trembling. I managed to see the address, and from what I could tell, he's back in Seoul, which only increases the thousands of possibilities running through my head right now. I'm afraid he'll come back and get my hopes up again, because, as I mentioned before, I don't want to have my heart broken again. I don't want things to get any worse with his return than they already have with him leaving.
I'll stop writing for now and go take a sedative before I do something I might regret later. But what I need most right now is to talk to someone so I can vent what I'm feeling and not have to keep what I found locked away.
I need to talk to you, Yujin.
Awaiting a response,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 18, 2023
Yujin:
You haven't been in touch since I told you about my ex coming back, about two days ago, and even though I shouldn't be, I'm starting to worry about your absence, because I've never seen you disappear like this before. What's going on?
I hope it's nothing serious, because it's not normal for someone like you to not make their presence known in the building. Although I must admit these days have been quieter without you bothering me every time I walk down the hall, even though the neighbors have done their best to keep up the habit and replace you. I confess, too, that although they try hard to be like you, they haven't quite reached the same level of annoyance.
However, that's not all I have to confess. Jiwon said she's noticed something strange lately, ever since I stopped receiving your letters. She said that ever since she saw me come into my room with a blank sheet of paper or a written letter, I've been calmer than usual, and the atmosphere has become more manageable. But when you stopped sending them, I reverted to my hostile attitude. Although I'm not one to get my hopes up easily, it did make me happy, because it's the first time I've seen even a small improvement. It's something that managed to bring a smile to my face, even though Jiwon still complains that I’m too reckless.
So now I'm sure, Yujin. I want to continue if this can bring me some peace, if it can bring about any change, however small, even if I can't go back to being the same as before. That's why I hope it's nothing serious and that you reply soon.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 19, 2023
Yujin:
After much thought, I've decided to visit you at your apartment. It's incredible that I remember your apartment is 420 and your "friends" neighbors can't even guess.
The point is, when I rang the doorbell and your roommate answered, she told me you weren't home and that she'd let you know a friend had come to visit when you got back. I didn't deny anything, because even though I didn't consider myself your friend, I preferred to keep quiet since I hadn't met her yet, and I let her think what she wanted.
If you're wondering, I went to your house because, even though we're enemies, I felt I had to show some empathy and check on you, but you weren't there. It struck me as odd that someone so homey would have left without saying a word, without telling anyone where you were going. So I'm holding out hope that you're still there and that all of this is just an excuse to avoid me.
If I'm right and you're reading my letters, I ask you to come back. Whatever happens, you can count on your friends, maybe not me, but there are many people here who are willing to help you with anything. I'm not the only one worried about you.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 20, 2023
Dear Wonyoung:
I apologize for the delay, but these past few days I haven't had enough time to answer your letters or any of the calls I've received, as I've been busy with a very important matter for me. I might even call it the most important thing in the last years of my life. I'm happy to tell you about it, of course, and I'm also happy for you to hear my reasons, which are included in the story in a rather obvious way.
The very day your first letter arrived—out of the three I'm overdue for—I received an envelope with my husband's name written on it, and I was almost immediately overcome with emotion. I can't describe the feelings I had knowing that holding onto hope had finally been worth it if I had that piece of paper in my hands. And when I had it, I opened it, read it, and couldn't believe it: its contents were like a breath of fresh air. I remember that in the first letter you mentioned you were about to collapse from the shock, and I'll bet a thousand won that while you were writing that letter, I was in the same boat. For different reasons, of course: you were terrified, and I was bursting with happiness. "How many times have I patiently waited to get that envelope?" I thought. At that moment, as I read the letter aloud with my roommate in the kitchen, no number came to mind, nor could I utter a single word. At first I thought it was a dream, that my mind was playing tricks on me and that what I was reading wasn't real, but it was.
So I prepared for his arrival, not without first forming theories about the reasons for his absence, but in the end I gave up and sat down to think about what I could arrange. And although I didn't end up organizing anything significant, I had plenty of time to reflect on what we had to say. There were many things, too many, since he had been gone from my life for longer than he had been in it. So I decided to write them down: I wrote that Grandma had died, that I had made new friends whom I really considered more like good company, and that I had started writing letters again after nine years of not writing anything to anyone else. That wasn't everything I wrote down, of course; in fact, I think the number of items could have reached a thousand, but I think those are the things you're more or less aware of.
And today, October 20th, I was able to see the brown eyes of my first love again after 12 years. It was what I was most excited about during the five days of waiting before I could make the trip, but I must admit that when I saw them up close, they had lost some of their color: they looked darker and more tired, and I would even dare to say that life had been almost completely drained from them. But his smile was still the same, even though his body had lengthened a bit and his head looked bigger than before. We didn't talk much after the greeting; we just focused on serving tea at the table and I waited for him to tell us everything he had to say. And when he did, when his family and I learned the story, we called him a liar and demanded that he tell the truth, promising that everything would be forgiven. But he showed us, one by one, the documents that proved his story was true and that all this time in London wasn't just a long vacation he decided to take on a whim.
The day he disappeared had been planned in advance. One of his coworkers had suggested he start his own business, which he initially refused. But five days before that fateful day, the man forced him to join an organized crime group, claiming he was the most qualified person for the role, as they were short-staffed, most of their members having been captured in America. After confessing that he had stolen a large portion of the company's capital, he explained that they would be traveling to Tokyo in a few days because the police were starting to suspect his whereabouts. He warned him that he had his entire family's cell phones under surveillance and that all his calls and emails were being monitored. He had also installed a camera in front of our house in case he tried to file a report. We lived under a constant threat for five days without any warning. And when he finally left, without even saying goodbye, his "work" with them began. He was forced to rob banks, jewelry stores, shops, and warehouses for three years before the last remaining members of the group were captured, including him. With the help of his lawyer, he managed to secure a three-month extension to gather evidence of his innocence, as he had committed all the crimes against his will under threat of death. He spent three years in Tokyo on probation while the evidence was processed and verified, and another two years after his innocence was proven, in case any problems arose. He explained that he hadn't been able to send any emails to Korea during those years, until he was just days away from returning to Seoul, and that it was preferable, as he didn't want to worry us any more than we already were.
And now that we are all together and all the bad things have been overcome, I was able to realize that not giving up was worth it after all.
I hope everything is alright at home and that life has been good to you lately. Please forgive me if I've missed anything because I've been talking about myself and Yeonjun all the time, but if you need to talk about anything in particular, I'm happy to listen and offer advice if the situation warrants it.
Sincerely,
Yujin
Seoul, October 21, 2023
Yujin:
I understand your reasons for not showing up, but wasn't there any chance you could have at least given a small sign of life? I knew you were there, but you could have given a little hint, a note, something, no matter how busy you were. But these are things that can't be changed now.
Regarding your husband's letter… I'll tell you the truth; I was more hoping the reason for your absence was that you'd been abducted by aliens than that it was because of a letter from him. A letter plus a visit, a visit that surely went well while I was at home hugging my pillow, trying to figure out how to keep my heart from falling for my ex again. But those are separate issues, which apparently didn't matter much to you, because even though I waited for the part in your long letter where you mentioned him, my hope was stuck in my throat. But I'm not writing this to reproach you, but rather to give a short response to your long and heartfelt letter, which, although I tried to avoid it, ended up affecting me and even intriguing me a little.
I believe that what happened during the years Yeonjun was gone is none of my business, however you decided to tell me, and it would be very rude of me not to give you an answer or an opinion after I bothered you with my first letter and you took the trouble to reply.
I find it incredible that your husband lived through a story that could easily be fiction. If it weren't for the fact that you claim in your letter that he has shown proof to demonstrate the truth of his words, I would tell you not to believe him and not to trust him too much. But no–-it's real, and although I wasn't entirely convinced at first that someone would separate themselves from their family for so long, I'm not one to judge what happens in such a personal matter. And I truly appreciate you taking a few minutes of your valuable time to share your experience and Yeonjun's, and I understand, because perhaps you needed to unburden yourself with me about everything you couldn't confess out loud.
Everything is fine, and I don't need advice anymore. During the days you were gone, I've had time to sleep on it and reflect on the possibility of my ex coming back. Now I know he'll return, and there's nothing I can do because it's too late.
With what little hope remains, because as the saying goes, it's the last thing to be lost,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 22, 2023
Wonyoung:
I noticed a certain resentment in your letter. However, you didn't want to say what you felt, as if you didn't want to hurt me, as if you were hiding your feelings again. And I think I've guessed the reason; from the scant mention of your own problems, I gathered that you now believe I'm not interested in them. I apologize if that's what I implied, but I'm more interested in them than it seems.
Yeonjun advised me not to mention our reunion in my letters anymore, but I want to briefly touch on it given your opinion, because, like you, I think it would be rude to ignore it. I suppose you're right: it seems like fiction, because we'd never believe that something like what's shown on TV every day, something so far removed from reality, could happen to someone close to us. But it did, and although I initially doubted his words, I discovered that if I trusted the evidence and what he said, I could rebuild a relationship as beautiful as the one we had years ago.
I don't know you that well, Wonyoung, but from my perspective, I can see how much you're suffering because of your family's communication with your ex. I don't know if you've read the messages yet, but I want to tell you that it might not be too late, and you can prevent this from hurting your heart again. And if you have read them, and they've guided your words, if time has truly run out, I'd like to know why the chances of change have vanished.
I'm quite glad that things are changing now and that you still want to continue, even though the agreement not to tell anyone remains in place. If things in your life are starting to change, perhaps all is not lost, but I'm not sure how your family will react to the messages, so the loss is relative compared to the information I have.
Sincerely,
Yujin
Seoul, October 23, 2023
Yujin:
What can I say? I felt bad at first because I really needed advice, but at the same time, I was relieved that nothing bad had happened to you. I was very worried throughout the week, but seeing your letter filled me with a great sense of relief. I must admit it's good to see you walking the halls again, but it's also made me realize that I'm not the only one who's changed. I've noticed your silence a lot, a rather strange silence. The neighbors invite you over to talk, as they usually do, but you refuse, and I'd like to know why. I thought perhaps you wouldn't speak the first day because of the shock, but the following days have been the same, and your attitude is very strange to me.
I'm glad you've rekindled your relationship with Yeonjun. Or at least that you're trying, because after all, it's the thought that counts . It shows that you never truly lost faith and that you always had that hope you talked so much about.
I ask you, however, if you want our relationship to stay the same, to return to our usual routine. Your silence is strange, and although your letter reassures me a little, I'm still surprised by how suddenly you've changed.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 24, 2023
Wonyoung:
I'm truly sorry if my silence has worried you; that wasn't my intention. I was just concerned about how you would react, as I'd started to form an opinion after your last letter. I thought perhaps you were resentful towards me and that it would be best not to bother you for a while until things settled down. But you're right: if things are going to continue as they are, everything needs to go back to normal.
Regarding the reasons for the attitude I perceived in the letter, if you still need advice, I'm here to give it. You don't have to feel inhibited about what you have to say or ask, because I'm here to offer my help. By letter, of course, since it's beyond my control outside of this.
Regarding Yeonjun, I won't dwell on it too much and will just tell you the most relevant thing: our relationship is slowly evolving. With his family, it's a bit different; they seem very distant even though they claim to be trying to help the family reintegrate. I think they know something I don't, because I know they're feigning composure through their gestures, but I prefer to think it's just my imagination.
By the way, don't think I didn't notice you avoided the topic of your ex throughout the letter, even though I mentioned him several times in my previous letter. You figured it out, didn't you? I want to know, because even though I'm not much of a nosy person, I'm interested in what you might have gleaned from your ex's words. I want to know if your suspicions that you'll have your heart broken again are justified, or if they're the opposite.
Regarding the latter, the routine will return, as monotonous as ever. We'll go back to pretending. It's good to know we have these options to break the monotony a little.
Sincerely,
Yujin
Seoul, October 25, 2023
Yujin:
I'm glad everything is back to normal. Yesterday I was able to verify what you said, and I think your silence isn't so relevant now. But I noticed something: from what you've told me, you care about how I might feel regarding your words. And that fills me with a strange sense of relief, because in a way, I feel the same way. Not too much, since we haven't interacted much, but in this short time I've unintentionally created a small bond that might grow in the future.
Now I don't need advice anymore, because, as crazy as it sounds, my pillow has given me some pretty good advice: don't worry too much. I still don't know what kind of communication my ex has had with my family, so I don't know what will happen next. However, I'm not at ease, but I've decided not to torture myself over it.
Is Yeonjun's family also hiding something? That doesn't sound like good news, because just as I had a bad feeling about what my family was hiding, I feel the same now that you're telling me about yours. And I know I should have mentioned my ex in the previous letter, but I decided to avoid it for one simple reason: I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. And I still am not, but rest assured that when I am, I'll let you know in detail.
The routine will end, I'm almost certain of it. We'll have to carry it with us now, but at some point it will disappear and something will change in our lives. The change is already beginning to take effect.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 26, 2023
Dear Wonyoung:
I suppose I can call you ‘dear' now, though if it makes you uncomfortable, just tell me and I won't do it again. I'm glad a little bond has formed between us, even if we can't show it publicly. Which makes me wonder why people judge you for it. And I think I know the reason—since you already asked me once—why you're the only person I tell this to: I'm afraid of what others might say. I don't trust my "best friends" much, because, as you say, you did it too and they pointed the finger at you. I don't know if I could handle it, I don't know if I could isolate myself like you have.
I think you're right. The best thing you can do in that case is not to torture yourself too much over it and wait for your family to give some indication of what the messages are about. Maybe you could sneak a few more peeks to see if they've written a reply. I'd like to know what you've discovered, but if you say you're not ready yet, I won't pressure you. I think many times I haven't been ready to say certain things, and I know that when the time is right, you'll say them.
His family isn't the only one keeping it a secret; Yeonjun is too. I know they're going to the airport tomorrow, but I can't figure out why, and they won't tell me anything. I prefer to think for now that it's some kind of vacation, but their faces are too serious for it to be anything too happy.
I hope your word comes true someday, my friend.
Sincerely,
Yujin
Seoul, October 26, 2023
Dear Yujin:
I suppose I can call you that too, right? It doesn't bother me at all; in fact, I think that after everything we've written, it was about time we stopped starting our letters so simply. The opening has to do justice to the content.
That's the problem. At least you have a reference point to know you shouldn't trust, but when I did, there was no one to warn me that all of this was going to happen. You trust me because you know I can't judge you, but I still have a duty to tell you that you have to let go of that fear, because when you do, all the limits will disappear and you'll be able to express everything you can't say out loud.
I wish I could say it, but when I try to write it down, the words just won't come. It's like there's no way to say it, and I don't know how else to express it. I think that when I finally say it out loud and someone hears me, I'll be able to put it down on paper. When I'm ready, you'll be the first to read what happened.
It's clear that Yeonjun and his family are hiding a trip they don't want you to know about. I don't know if they don't trust you, or if they're waiting for the right moment to tell you, but one thing's for sure: it can't be anything good. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but if they say they don't seem very excited about the trip they're obviously going to take, it's because it's not something that will benefit you in any way. Although, I don't really know anything, and maybe they're just pretending so you don't suspect anything.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 27, 2023
Dear Wonyoung:
I'm so glad you don't mind and that you decided to greet me in a more personal way; it strengthens the bond that's slowly forming between us. I hope this can happen in person someday, but if not, I don't mind if it's just through letters.
I'm not afraid anymore, as you probably know, because Yeonjun has returned and I have nothing left to hide, but my friends are suspicious. They're trying to fill the gaps by asking why Yeonjun never showed up before, and now he's suddenly appearing so frequently. I want to tell them, but I'm afraid that if I tell them the truth, they'll ostracize me for having kept it a secret all this time. I don't know how I can overcome this fear if I distrust the friends I've had for so many years.
I don't know what's going on, I just know it's not good because you already said so in another letter, and I'm worried about how bad it might be. I'm also almost certain your ex will come back, won't he? He'll break your heart like you so feared and said he would, but I know there's something more, something more significant. I'll wait for you to tell me, and I hope I can give you some helpful advice.
I think I'm being pessimistic about this too. Yeonjun is going to the airport this weekend, and as far as I know, he'll tell me what's going on when he gets back. My heart is in my mouth, and I don't know if my eagerness for him to arrive that day is greater than my fear that he won't. I'll finally know what they're hiding, and I hope your last theory is true, because I'm not in the mood for bad news after all the bad stuff is over.
Sincerely,
Yujin
Seoul, October 28, 2023
Dear Yujin:
The month is ending and I can't help but think that soon it will be thirty days since I sent the first letter, the one where I didn't address you directly, but perhaps, deep down, although that wasn't my intention, everything was planned so that the address I found in the middle of my aunt's notebook was yours.
I understand your distrust of your friends, but if they've been with you all this time, wouldn't it be better to tell them the truth? It might sound strange, but over all these years they must have given you some indication that you should trust them, even with all the trouble they've caused. Maybe it's simply the fact that I'm practically a stranger, but you're part of their group. If they ask, just tell them, get it all out, and, as cliché as it sounds, leave your fears behind. If they separate you, I don't think anything bad will really happen since you surely have other people, and if they do it, it's because they weren't right for you after all.
I appreciate your understanding and patience, because as fatalistic as it may sound, I believe what those messages conveyed is the end of a chapter in my life. A very big one combined with one that was always there despite how little it developed, and that's why it hurts to have to close it. I won't say more for now; I think in time you'll know everything and see what I mean.
I hope Yeonjun doesn't bring back too much bad news when he goes and comes back from the airport, although after all, you shouldn't get your hopes up too much and should keep an open mind to any answer. I'm not in the mood for bad news either, but I'm curious by nature, and it wouldn't hurt if you told me while you're at it.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, October 29, 2023
Dear Wonyoung:
You're right: In a few days, that moment will arrive when fate brought us together, exactly five days until a whole month has passed since I read your letter. I remember thinking about it a lot before finally replying, and I'm glad I didn't throw it away at the last minute. Fate, I suppose.
I don't know if I should tell them the truth, you know? They're my friends, but I don't know how they'll react to the news, and I don't think I'm ready to find out yet. They've been my friends for a long time, but I don't know if they have another side that they might not show until I tell the truth, and the fear is stronger than the desire to leave it behind. I know that at some point I'll have to answer a lot of questions, but for now I want to put the pressure behind me.
Regarding the letter, I must confess that what you're trying to say between the lines about them is a bit discouraging, but I can wait until you're ready to share it. I suppose it's a little difficult to talk about the end of a chapter, regardless of how big or small it was.
Months ago, you probably wouldn't have known any of this if it had happened back then, which is why I still can't believe you've become the person I can tell all this to. However, rest assured that as soon as I find out what happened, good or bad, I'll tell you about it.
Sincerely,
Yujin
Seoul, October 31, 2023
Dear Yujin:
I apologize if it takes me a long time to send this letter, but I have had some pending matters with Jiwon and I have only now been able to find some time to reply to you.
To begin, I want to emphasize that not only are we just a few days away from the one-month mark since all this started, but the countdown for the end of my lease is also about to begin. My contract will end, and I'll be able to move and we can finally meet face to face. No more pretense, no more hidden agendas. We can talk frankly, and perhaps, if someone above allows it, we can further strengthen the friendship we've built through our writing.
I understand you can't easily let go of your fear, but hiding the truth is also a form of lying, even if indirectly. Do you prefer to lie rather than gather your courage and simply tell it all? Their insecurities will fade with time, and whether what you say has a good or bad effect, at least you'll know you didn't let that lie grow any bigger, or that you didn't let their imaginations run wild regarding your family.
I still can't quite believe everything we've accomplished in such a short time, but I have to admit it feels good to have someone I can count on. If I'm not mistaken, Yeonjun is going to the airport tomorrow and you'll know the whole truth, so I want you to know that you have my full support and can count on me for help if needed.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, November 1, 2023
Yujin:
I've decided to write this letter because I don't know if I'm able to tell you this face to face. I'm not brave enough to see your expression while I tell you the plans we've kept hidden all this time, so I prefer that you read this and draw your own conclusions.
I've decided to travel to Shanghai to work with my parents' company. They've promised that everything will be better, that everything will change for the better, and that we'll be much happier there. I'm not sure about that, Yujin, and I know you aren't either. But somehow I trust that their words are true and that leaving my whole life behind here will be worth it.
I know your head must be spinning right now, and you probably have a lot of questions, but I can only answer one: We won't be going back to Seoul. It's your decision whether you want to come with us or not, but I hope our love can endure even this. We'll be traveling in the first few days of November, so I'm letting you know now so you can say goodbye to your friends and the life you're leaving behind, if you decide to come with us.
I'm not entirely convinced about this; the news has upset me as much as it has you, but we must move forward and look ahead, and as my family has said, perhaps we cannot progress if we stay here.
I hope you're not upset by the decision, and if you need to vent, remember that I'm always here for you.
Always yours,
Yeonjun
Seoul, November 2, 2023
Dear Yujin:
I'm ready to write it, but I won't say it. Let me explain: I won't send this letter. You must have a pretty serious problem, because I saw you looking very sad as you walked down the hall. Besides, you didn't say a word all day or answer anything the neighbors asked you, which is unusual for you. So now that I'm ready to let it all out, you won't even know what I write here. Anyway, it's the thought that counts, right?
I'll start with something simple: my ex has turned my family against me. He sent them messages full of flattery and sweet words to convince them that I was the bad guy in this story. He told them that what happened with the other women was a slip-up, but that what I did was much worse.
But that's not the worst part, and you were absolutely right when you said there was a much more serious reason for me to worry: my family has decided to cut off all contact with me. He convinced them that I was a bad influence, the devil incarnate, and that they could only find support in him. In the end, he did break my heart, but not in the way I expected, in a way that was far, far worse.
All I know is that my mother has blocked my number and there's nothing I can do about it now. I hope at least I can find some comfort in Jiwon and these letters, and even though I need some advice on mending a broken heart, I don't want to burden you with any more problems than you already have.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, November 3, 2023
Dear Wonyoung:
Your lease is nearing its end, and I'm a little worried that I'm not as excited as I used to be. The countdown begins today, and we'll be free to do whatever we want, but I don't feel as happy as I did in previous years. And I know why: the time to say goodbye is approaching. I can't tell you why, but I can't leave without saying so. Before all this is over, I want to tell you some things I haven't mentioned in these letters, things I actually intended to say under different circumstances, but now there's no time:
I love you, Wonyoung. I know it sounds strange, since we haven't even reached a hundred letters to say that so casually, but somehow that number wasn't necessary for me to say those words to you in the most sincere way. I don't know if you consider me your friend yet, but I can tell you that you already are so much more to me; I don't need any more time to know that.
I also want you to know that during this time I've done nothing but wish you the best, even though in your first letters you made it clear that I was making your life miserable. And I'll tell you the reasons I never said, but that I want to confess now so I don't leave with this hidden: I envied you, Wonyoung. I envied you simply because you could say a thousand things without worrying about the consequences, while I had to analyze everything so as not to lose what I already had. It bothered me that you replied to me the way you did because I wasn't capable of it; I could only spout senseless insults that seemed to have no effect on you.
Finally, after confessing all of this, I wish you a Happy Halloween and a prosperous life full of opportunities. You deserve it.
Loves you,
Yujin
Seoul, November 4, 2023
Dear Wonyoung:
I don't have the right to speak to you after everything I've done, but I've figured it out. I found the letters you sent to Yujin these past few weeks and read them, and believe it or not, I was happy to have discovered what was inside. I showed them to the rest of my friends, and everyone agreed with me: there was no reason to hide it.
I know it might sound strange, too strange, I'd say, but believe it or not, I consider Yujin a true friend. Not a fleeting thing, as many might think, but someone who came to stay and will never be separated, no matter what. And it didn't bother me at all that Yujin’s husband dissapeared, because if there's one thing I've learned during this time, it's that there's really no reason to judge people for it. The reasons we tease you daily aren't very different from Yujin's reasons, and I admit that at first, I did it because of your divorce. I did it because I always thought a divorced woman was abominable, because if the husband left or simply seemed to disappear, it was the woman's fault. But I grew up, and I formed my own opinion, and I realized that there couldn't be a bigger lie than that.
This letter doesn't mean I consider you my friend, nor that anything is going to change now, not at all. This is just so you know—if you decide to show it to Yujin—that we already know and there's nothing to worry about, at least not from her friends, since the rest of the neighbors are out of our hands. Keep sending letters without worry; we won't judge a single word you say.
Sincerely,
Soobin
Seoul, November 4, 2023
Dear Yujin:
I hope what you're saying isn't a goodbye, because for me, goodbyes are forever. I'd consider it more of a see you soon , a see you later , or a I'll be back. And as strange as it may seem, I won't ask about your reasons. I prefer to think you're just being overly dramatic or that you were looking for an excuse to say all that, but I don't know why I think your reasons aren't very close to what I have in mind.
I love you too. Not too much, I don't want you to get your hopes up, but I've grown somewhat fond of you even with the few letters we've exchanged during this time. I want to start calling you my friend for now, to start with something. It hasn't been that long since we still considered it inappropriate to call each other "dear," but some relationships are forged in a week, and I see no reason why ours should be viewed any differently.
I don't understand why you envied me; in fact, I should have been envious of you. In my eyes, you had a perfect life. I'm just a girl who decided to let that ticking time bomb inside her explode, and you were just a girl like any other, hiding your feelings. Your insults were pointless, but they had an effect, even if I didn't show it, even if it wasn't visible to you or anyone else. I'm no better than anyone else, and you shouldn't have envied someone as ordinary as me.
And I think there's nothing left to worry about, because as I said, sooner or later someone would find out, and your friends already have. I don't think you should worry too much about it, because believe it or not, your friends trust you, and they love you, too. So we can finally confess what we've been saying out loud and hear our voices with those words that were only written down.
By the way, I'd like to remind you that today marks one month since I sent the first letter, do you remember? I didn't know then that you would be the one to read it, and although at that time I didn't want a reply, I wouldn't change the moment I received and read your letter, because if it hadn't been you, all of this wouldn't be the same.
And, in case what you say is true and I really must say goodbye, I prefer to say goodbye with a see you soon.
I wish you the same for your life and I hope that wasn’t actually a goodbye.
Sincerely,
Wonyoung
Seoul, November 5, 2023
Dear Wonyoung:
I'm going on vacation with Yeonjun for a few days, so this will be the last letter you'll receive from me for a while. Every word in your letter has brought me peace, and I'm glad that our bond is still there, strong. I hope it stays that way until I'm gone, and I also hope you don't forget any of the words I wrote. I apologize if I was hurtful at any point, if I made you uncomfortable, or if I caused any turmoil in your life. I think all of this has turned my world upside down, and I feel terrible about what I'm about to do.
I won't say goodbye; I don't want it to be a final farewell. I prefer to think that we'll see each other soon, that the days will pass quickly, and that we'll finally be able to talk, our voices strong and clear, with those words that can't be spoken now.
I'm glad things didn't turn out as I thought and that they were finally discovered without me having to intervene. I hope that the love you mentioned will continue when I return, and that it won't be too long before all of this is forgotten.
Hoping you understand my words,
Yujin
Seoul, November 6, 2023
Dear autumn:
I'm leaving. She doesn't know yet, but I can imagine her pained expression knowing I won't be back for a long time. It's hurt me a lot too, because in the last month I've seen that the rivalry that once existed between us is gone, and that many things have changed for the better. But it all ends here, at this point.
No one has found out yet. My friends think I've gone on vacation and will be back soon, but that won't be the case. I decided not to go to Shanghai with Yeonjun, but I took the opportunity to work at a branch office in America because staying here is too painful for me. I admit I hesitated; I thought about staying with her, but I'm not the kind of person who deserves to have her in the state I'm in now.
The purpose of this letter, dear autumn, besides serving as a release, is to ask you a favor. I ask that when I return, she will still be here. That none of our letters have been lost; I ask you not to let that be left behind. For when my heart is whole, and she is whole too, I will return here and tell her everything I couldn't because of our need to keep up appearances. Because I love her, even though I've already said so; there's much more behind those words. Now I consider her perhaps the best person I've ever had in my life.
And although the saying goes that if you want something, you should let it go, I don't want to let her go.
I just don't want anything that happened to be forgotten. I want to resolve our problems and heal all the wounds that are still open. Because I'm sure we can do it.
We must do it.
With love,
Yujin