Chapter Text
“Man, I can’t wait to see Joan. Three months away is way too long.”
Eric sighed as he and Ferran walked their every day route to school.
It was the first day of their senior year and after this, who knew where they’d all end up? Eric had already promised himself he was going to make every single day count. He knew how lucky he was to grow up just a few minutes away from all his best friends and to spend practically his entire school life until eighteen with them.
Usually their summers were spent together too, for the most part with a lot of backyard hangouts and FIFA marathons. But this year, Joan had been away for the entirety of it. First he had a family camping trip then he spent two months in his mom’s hometown many, many miles away from them. They had a group chat that was always active, sure, but texts didn't make up for the real thing. Eric’s fingers practically itched now to hug him and feel those long, lanky arms wrap around him.
He desperately missed his Joan.
“Tell me about it,” Ferran chimed in, dragging Eric out of his thoughts as they passed through the main school gates. “That bastard has been completely holding out on us. Every single Instagram post is just a picture of the sky or a tree or a cute little cat he spotted in the streets. I have to admit those ones are pretty cute but it’s been a while since I’ve seen his pretty face too! I’ve practically forgotten what he looks like, what his voice sounds like…” Ferran exaggeratedly sniffled and wiped an invisible tear from his cheek. Ever the drama queen.
Eric laughed and shoved his shoulder. “Oh, shut up. I know three months is a long time but come on, he’s still gonna be the same—“
But the words caught squarely in Eric's throat when he saw their same, old Joanet.
Joan was standing by the school garden in front of the benches, laughing at something Dani and Pedri were saying.
Except Joan had gotten, for lack of a better term… fucking hot over the summer.
To Eric, Joan had always been beautiful. He was the most beautiful person in the world to him and at first, Eric used to find that thought kind of uncomfortable and weird but eventually it had just become the objective truth to him. The sun rises from the east, sets in the west and Joan was Eric’s favourite and most beautiful person.
But this version of Joan was something that sent even that settled truth into a frenzy. He looked like he’d shot up a whole foot since May and his shirt sleeves stretched over his biceps. He looked broader and bulkier than a few months ago. And he was tan! Well, Joan level tan, meaning he was still pale as only he could be but he carried this warm golden tint to his skin now that made even the tips of his curls look sun bleached.
As Eric and Ferran walked to stand near their group, Eric realised that he was not the only one completely left in awe of Joan’s transformation. The entire courtyard had noticed, groups of girls and guys alike were nudging each other and whispering behind their hands, ogling Joan up and down shamelessly.
This ugly feeling flared up in Eric’s chest at that. Oh so now everyone wants to look? Now they notice him? Superficial snobs. Don’t look at him like that, he doesn’t like it and none of you know him like that!
He forced his irritation down though because the minute they reached their group, Ferran extended his arm out to put Joan in a headlock and ruffled his hair.
“Hey you! Where had you disappeared huh!”
“Ow Ferri, let me go, you animal!”
“And look at you now, mister model ooooh are you going to take away my title of the hottest senior in this school’s history? Am I left without purpose, Joan? This betrayal!”
Joan laughed and tried to elbow and kick at Ferran to let him go who refused to and kept swaying Joan, trying to dodge his kicks until Pedri finally yanked Ferran away from Joan.
“Leave him alone, Ferri!” Pedri chuckled.
“Fine, fine!” Ferran sighed and let Joan out of his hold but then he jokingly scowled at Joan again. “Since when do you look like a Vogue model huh? What’s your gym routine, bro? Asking for a friend.”
Dani snorted. “Hah! Sure, a friend.”
Joan smiled. “No gym routine, I promise. Although working at my grandpa’s warehouse for the summer and lifting those heavy boxes should constitute for a gym routine, to be fair.”
Ferran and Dani started talking about something but Eric couldn’t tell you what because he was busy just staring at Joan and his big, bulky arms and his sweet smile that was now directed at him.
It was now directed at him, fuck!
Eric blinked awake and Joan chuckled softly.
“Hi, Eric.”
Why was Eric blushing? What? Why was his face hot? “Hi!” Eric squeaked back in a high pitch of voice that he didn’t even recognise himself.
But Joan just smiled. “Why are you so quiet today? Normally you’re talking my ear off in the mornings.”
Because your beauty has stunned me. It always did in its quiet way but it’s so evident now, even more so to other people and they’re looking at you and seeing what I’ve seen all along but they shouldn’t. They don’t know you like I do.
“Um” Eric mumbled out loud. “Just… nothing.”
Joan frowned at him with a confused smile but let it go because the bell rang for classes to start and he put an arm around Eric as their group, their team domino, headed inside for their first day to begin.
They walked to their first class and Eric sat in his usual place, next to Joan, right behind Ferran and Pedri’s desk with Dani and Laura beside them.
But the moment they sat down, Eric was already annoyed by a constant stream of people who kept inventing reasons to walk past their row. Guys who had never uttered a word to them suddenly dropped by to nod and say, "Hey, good summer, Joan?" Girls lingered near their desk and twirled their hair, giggling out. “Hi, Joan!"
It was blatant, shameless flirting and Eric did not appreciate it.
However Joan, bless his heart, was completely oblivious to all of it. He didn't have a single clue what was actually happening and every time someone waved or giggled or said hello, Joan just blinked his expressive eyes and gave a polite and friendly smile back. "Hi! Yeah, it was great, thanks," he’d say and totally miss the blushing and nudging that followed in his wake.
As soon as a pair of giggling girls finally walked away, Joan turned his entire body toward Eric and whispered excitedly.
"Eric, look," he unlocked his phone to show Eric something. "I found this stray cat behind my uncle’s diner and I swear to God, it had eyes just like you!"
He swiped to the photo and it was a cute scruffy tabby cat with big hazel eyes staring into the camera. Eric looked from the screen up to Joan’s face which was practically glowing with excitement to share this sweet cat and this sweet photo he took all because it reminded him of his best friend. God, Eric had missed him so much. His sweet, sweet Joan.
“Hey, it does look like me actually!” Eric managed to say out loud even though he kind of wanted to burst into tears which was a weird feeling. What was happening to him?
“I know right! I wanted to send it to you right then and there, but then I thought I wanted to see your reaction in person so I didn’t. He was so cute, I wish I could take him home with me but my uncle takes care of him. He said the cat was a regular there.”
Eric smiled and put his elbow on the desk, resting his chin in his hand as he just watched Joan talk. “Yeah?” he murmured softly.
“Yeah. My uncle didn’t have a name for him though so he said I could name him. And he looked like you so I thought I should name him Eric but then I thought Eric was kinda a weird name for a cat—“
“Hey!”
“So I named him Rico. Eric, Rico. Kind of same, no?”
Eric chuckled and flicked Joan’s cheek. “If you say so. Now come on, show me more of your vacation!”
Joan started scrolling excitedly, running commentary on every other picture or video.
"And look at this one," Joan mumbled as he showed off photos of him on a hiking trail, a pretty sunset and a very large frog he’d found. "This one is from our last day. I kept wanting to text you this one but there was no service up on the trail and when I came home, I forgot to.”
Listening to him ramble and talk freely, Eric felt the annoyance from earlier at those other people starting to melt away. The rest of the people who suddenly started taking interest in Joan didn’t matter to him, in this moment because his Joan hadn't changed at all. He was still his best friend, still the exact same boy who looked at a random cat on vacation and immediately thought of Eric. Even if he was bigger and bulkier and to other people, he was apparently more attention-grabbing kind of beautiful now but to Eric, he had always been this beautiful. The most beautiful boy in the world.
A hour or so later the class finally ended and as people started shifting put to go to their next class, Ferran turned around in his seat to look at Eric and Joan.
“A project? On the first day of school? This is literally demonic behaviour.” Ferran grumbled and Pedri just nodded silently to agree with him.
Eric and Joan started zipping up their bags too when a girl from the rows ahead walked up and stopped right at their desk.
“Hi, Joan!” she said.
Joan looked up at her and smiled politely. “Hey.”
“Umm sooo I was just wondering… my friend isn’t here today so I’m without a partner for the project.” She put her hand on their desk and tilted her head at Joan, blinking her lashes at him. Eric narrowed his eyes at her in irritation.
“Oh, okay…” Joan said slowly.
“So I was wondering if I could pair up with you instead?” she smiled. “It would be fun!”
“Uhhhh…” Joan hesitated and he didn't say yes but bless him, he really didn't know how to say no to people either. He turned back a little toward Eric and gave him a wide eyed desperate “help me!” look.
Eric knew Joan was way too nice to shoot someone down to their face but Eric had no problem doing it for him.
“I’m his partner for the project so no thanks,” Eric told the girl.
The girl looked at Eric up and down with an annoyed pout. “Yeah but you have other friends to group up with. I don't.”
Eric stood up and smiled sharply at her without any humour in it. “Well then make more friends.”
The girl huffed in irritation at him then glanced down at Joan hoping for backup but when she didn’t receive any, she turned on her heel and stomped out of the room.
The second she was out, Joan almost burst into laughter and to hide it, he pressed his forehead against Eric’s stomach where he stood and Joan was still sitting, his shoulders shaking.
After the laughter passed, Joan tilted his head back and rested his chin against Eric's shirt as he blinked up at him. “Oh my god, what was that?” he asked with a cute smile dimpling his cheeks.
Eric shrugged and opened his mouth to reply with a laugh but both the words and the laugh died on his face because looking down, he was suddenly very aware of how Joan looked with his chin resting against Eric’s tummy and his sweet eyes blinking up at him with a smile.
Eric’s synapses started firing like they never had before. Dear God, what was actually happening? Did Joan come back this summer and poison the city wells with some potion? Is that why nobody seemed to be able to act normally around him?
But Ferran, Dani and Pedri are all okay, his traitorous brain supplied, it’s only you whose breath is coming faster, whose hands are getting sweatier, whose stomach is fluttering as Joan looks at you. It’s not happening to anyone else, is it, Eric?
“Let’s go,” Eric shook his head and muttered. “We’re gonna be late for the next class.”
Two whole weeks passed into their new school year and the entire place still hadn't gotten the memo that Joan was completely uninterested in their flirting, gifts and jokes.
Their friend group had to sit through this torturous routine every single day. People kept coming up to Joan like he was some seasoned Casanova, when in reality, he was just being his normal self. Girls, guys and everyone in between would giggle if he so much as blinked in their direction.
Ferran and Dani absolutely loved teasing him about it though. Anytime Joan casually rolled up his sleeves, laughed or did literally anything, those two gremlins would sigh heavily and pretend to swoon just to watch Joan get flustered.
One afternoon after football practice, Joan lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his forehead and Ferran and Dani immediately fell against each other like fainting Victorian maidens.
“Oh, Joan!” Dani sighed, fanning himself with a dramatic hand. “Be careful with that body!”
Ferran threw his entire weight back against Joan and when the goalkeeper caught him by the waist to steady him by reflex, Ferran actually swooned with his hand on his forehead. “My prince!”
“Fuck off, you two,” Joan chuckled and blushed as he shoved Ferran away.
“Leave the poor guy alone!” Pedri laughed.
Ferran pouted and wrapped an arm around Pedri’s shoulders instead. “Aw Pepi, don’t be jealous you know you’re my number one. That tall, lanky bastard has nothing on you—“
“Hey!” Joan yelled offendedly.
But Pedri, the fool that he was, actually looked smitten and charmed by Ferran’s stupid flirting and sent him a goofy smile. He's so easy, Eric thought with a snort.
His friends messing around didn’t actually bother him. He knew Ferran and Pedri were dating and Dani only had eyes for his long term girlfriend, Laura. But as for the rest of the school?
It ground his fucking gears.
At first, Eric had started overthinking it and reached quite a worrisome conclusion. Was he just jealous of the attention Joan got these days? Did he want people cornering him in the library and asking him out on dates? Strangers who hadn't said a single word to him in four years?
Well… not really. Not at all.
So Eric decided it was just friendly possessiveness. That had to be it. He just didn’t want these superficial idiots getting their hands on Joan. His Joan, with his catlike smile and big hands and sweet laugh.
None of these people cared about Joan when he wasn’t a head taller than everyone else or when his skin wasn't this golden. They didn't care when he was pale and still just as beautiful as he was now. They were all snobby hypocrites who couldn’t appreciate Joan in every facet of his life. They just wanted this sun kissed golden version because they suddenly deemed him "attractive." So what, just because Joan had gained some muscle, now he was worthy of their leering stares?
It was pathetic.
Joan had always been beautiful to Eric. Maybe the rest of the school was just now opening their eyes but to Eric, Joan had always been the brightest light in every room. He was the most precious person in his life, someone to fiercely protect, someone to always take care of.
Even when they were kids, Eric loved roughhousing with Dani, Pedri and Ferran but he was always careful with Joan. Growing up, he’d noticed Ferran was always strangely protective over Pedri, shielding him even when they were literally children. Over time, Eric realised he was the exact same way with Joan.
It was a weird parallel though. Ferran and Pedri had ended up dating but Eric and Joan were not.
But surely being gentler with someone, being more protective over them than anyone else and thinking they were precious... that could just be a best friend thing, right? Not everything had to be romantic.
Right?
But as days and then weeks went by, Eric felt less and less like his irrational annoyance at anyone trying to cozy up to Joan was just a product of his friendly feelings. He did not feel like this when everyone and their brothers were obsessed with Ferran last year (until Pedri had shut them all down anyway.) He was like Dani was with Joan, they would tease and annoy Ferran on his legion of fanboys and fangirls. What was happening now? Was he right before and he was actually jealous of Joan’s popularity? It didn’t seem right to Eric but maybe he was that small of a person, maybe he really was envious of Joan being so desirable.
It had to be that, it could not be… the other thing.
But all of Eric’s desperate hopes for it to not be The Other Thing were dashed with Joan just being… well, Joan.
Eric’s friends were over at his house over the weekend, two months into their new school year.
Everyone was there for “homework” which naturally channeled into “Eric, come on! Just one game bro and then we swear we’ll finish the history project!”
Eric had tried his best to make these rascals focus but then even the sole member of his group that he could count on, Pedri, started begging to play some more FIFA. So Eric had sighed and agreed.
Naturally, one game turned into “Oh just one more, promise! This one will be the last, Eric, I swear on my life—“ until Eric had had enough and kicked them out so he could get his work done. They had grumbled and sneered at Eric but when they left, Joan was still sprawled all over Eric’s bed, not moving an inch.
Eric raised an eyebrow at him. “And you, mister hot-shot?”
“I’m done with my work.”
“How are you done!?”
Joan snorted at the shocked look on Eric’s face. “I know you can’t work in a noisy environment but I can, in fact for some reason, it’s where I work best. When it’s too quiet, I get lost and distracted in my own head and next thing you know, I’m asleep.“
Eric grumbled jokingly but then smiled at Joan. “Well, good job. I and the other three rascals still have whole pages to go through! And I know those three will procrastinate until the deadline day but I can’t so chop, chop, I have to get started!”
Eric dropped down on his bed where Joan was still sprawled and started digging under the blanket and pillow to see where his book was. Eric found his book with a “Aha!” and opened it with Joan just fondly looking at him.
A few minutes passed and Joan got up from where he was laying down and put his chin over Eric’s shoulder. Eric smiled and dropped an absent minded kiss to Joan’s temple and it was such a casual, normal thing for him to do. He was physically affectionate as a person but he was even more so with Joan so this was nothing new. They were always touching each other.
But today?
Today, Eric’s lips tingled a little from where they touched Joan’s skin.
Weird, they’d been tingling like that for a while, actually, now that he thought about it.
Did that mean… No! No, no way.
Eric still refused for it to be The Other Thing.
Joan sighed when he felt Eric’s kiss and the latter could see him smiling from his peripheral vision.
“Eric.” Joan whined.
“Mhm?”
“Eric.”
“Yeah, Joan.” Eric replied, his eyes still on his book but he wasn’t taking in a single word.
“Can I stay here tonight? I promise I won’t be noisy or try to disturb your work.”
That’s what got Eric’s attention and he frowned to look at Joan. It wasn’t an unusual request, they’d stayed over at each other many times, often without a reason. But today, something about Joan sleeping in the same bed as him, with these confusing feelings looming all over him? It scared him a little for what he might discover.
But out loud, he nodded and mumbled. “Of course, Joanet.”
Joan smiled and then shuffled down, ever the clingy cat, and laid his head down in Eric’s lap then took one of Eric’s hand and put it into his own hair, wordlessly asking for hair scratches.
Eric snorted but started softly stroking his hair. “I thought you weren’t going to disturb my work?”
“I’m not!” Joan smiled and squirmed around to make himself comfortable.
“Yeah, sure you’re not. Silly cat.”
Eric continued to stroke Joan’s hair with one hand and holding his book with the other. Joan’s breaths evened out after a few more minutes but Eric still had not read or understood a single word more from his history homework so he placed it on the side table and decided to go to sleep too. Not much he could do right now anyway.
He slowly shifted Joan so his head was lying comfortably on Eric’s pillow. Joan twitched and grumbled in his sleep at the shifting so Eric stroked his hair again, making soothing shushing noises to lull him back to sleep and he did.
When Joan settled back down, Eric turned the lamp off and laid his own head down on the pillow too. The room was dark and only the moon shone some light into it. When his eyes adjusted to the darkness and more of Joan’s features became decipherable, Eric found himself smiling and gazing all over his face. He could never get tired of looking at Joan. He really was so beautiful.
Eric often found himself looking at him in these moments, where he easily could and where no one would find him looking, where no one would interrupt him or ask him why exactly he was looking at his friend that way. To be fair, he didn’t even know the answer himself. He just loved Joan and he loved looking at him.
Joan mumbled something in his sleep again and one of his hand shot out, as if looking for something even in his sleep. His hand latched on to Eric’s torso and he saw Joan smiling as he dreamt, finding whatever he was looking for. Eric held Joan’s hand right over his chest, right over his heart, and just before he decided to sleep, he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Joan’s forehead.
Joan sighed deeply in his sleep, sounding like he was so comfortable and it made Eric smile so he pressed a few kisses between the sleepy boy’s eyebrows. Soft and featherlight and multiple.
And somehow, somewhere between the fourth and the fifth kiss, something suddenly snapped in Eric’s chest. Like a thing that crashed then rewinded and fixed itself back again.
Oh.
Oh.
Eric leaned his face back to look at Joan who was still asleep, he was doing nothing, he didn’t even wake up.
Yet something in Eric’s existence crashed and burnt and then was reborn like a phoenix in that exact moment. Something important was rewritten inside him, etched across his soul.
And it felt a lot like the name of this boy sleeping next to him.
All that running from The Other Thing and here he was looking at that thing straight in the eyes, right there in the monster’s lair.
Oh, that thing was love, wasn’t it? That’s all it ever was.
Love, love, love. Insurmountable, greedy, suffocating, endless love.
Oh, he was in love with Joan. Fuck, he always had been in love with Joan. It wasn’t until this moment that he knew but fuck, fuck, fuck, it all made so much sense now.
His jealousy, his irrational anger at anyone that he felt would steal him away, how Joan was his only exception for many things that nobody else ever was… it made sense.
It was always The Other Thing, that’s all it ever was.
The thing written inside the fabric of his soul, the name etched into his heart until he was bleeding all over himself. It was Joan and it was love. They were synonymous. One and the same.
Oh, holy shit, he was so, so fucked.